Sebastian was waiting on the bench in St. James Park when he saw a blonde-haired man walking toward him, looking lighter on his feet than he'd ever seen him.
His heart swelled a bit as the doctor, still looking pale and wan, walked up to him and gave a shy smile. "Hello."
"You look amazing, John," he said, then pulled him close and kissed him deeply, for once not worried about who was watching. There were none of Jim's men here, no security cameras, no booby traps. Just John and him in the park.
John smiled against the kiss and closed his eyes. He felt free. He pulled back, but only enough to pull Sebastian into a tight hug, resting his cheek on Sebastian's shoulder. If he had the choice, they would just stay here, like this for the rest of the day. "...I love you."
Sebastian pressed his cheek against John's head and ran his fingers through John's hair. "I love you, too..."
They stood like that for a long, long time, before Sebastian finally pulled away and revealed the lunch he'd packed—a hearty picnic of roast beef sandwiches, a cheese tray, lots of fruit, crisps, cold beers, and biscuits. He spread it out onto the blanket he'd packed. John hadn't had any quality food in ages, and when Jim did feed him, he picked at it without appetite. "Well, dig in, my dear." He spread out on the blanket and cracked open a lager. "Cheers."
John grinned and cracked open his own. It had been ages since he'd had a proper meal, and John didn't know if he would be able to eat very much, but he dug in anyway. "God—I never knew a roast beef sandwich could taste this good," he said through a mouthful.
Sebastian watched John shovel the sandwich into his mouth, relieved that he had an appetite and heartbroken at how famished he was. One John had polished off the sandwich, he leaned back on the blanket, tipping his face up toward the warm sun and closing his eyes. He looked blissful. "Thanks for this, Seb."
"I wish it was longer than an hour," Sebastian said. "Not nearly enough time." He moved his foot out on the blanket to play with John's. "What's the first thing you'd do, if you were free?"
John's smile faltered a bit. For a moment, it had felt like he was free. "I'm not sure," he said softly, opening his eyes to look up at the expanse of blue. He'd thought about it countless times. "Maybe grab a pint and watch a game. Maybe type up an entry on my blog...maybe see if Sherlock needs help on a case."
"Don't get carried away," Sebastian joked.
John just smiled and shook his head. "Yeah, they seem so ordinary, don't they? So boring…but you don't realize all the things you miss until you can't do them or don't have them anymore." He frowned to himself, thinking, then leaned over and grabbed a packet of crisps and an apple.
Sebastian considered this, idly nudging John's foot again. He leaned back on his elbows and looked up at the sky. "I think, when all this is over—because it will be over, John—I want to take you into the mountains, out of the city. Go hunting. No rules out there, John. Just nights and days and skies and game." He closed his eyes thinking about it.
John hummed. "That's a nice thought," he said half-heartedly. He didn't know how this could ever end...not unless Jim died, anyway, and he didn't see that happening any time soon. And even if Jim did die, people were still set up to kill his friends and Harry. He gave Sebastian's foot a small nudge back. "If you ever go, you'll have to take pictures for me."
"I said 'we,' you berk." Sebastian reached for his cigarette carton pulled one out, lighting it up. "You'll be coming with me." He looked over at John and said nothing more, just smoked and watched him and fell into a reverie of this being their normal lives, having lunch together in the park, talking about future trips.
"I know what you said," John murmured. It just wouldn't ever happen. He took another bite of his sandwich, then folded his hands behind his head, content to listen to the birds and the wind blowing through the trees, and to smell Sebastian's cigarettes.
The alarm on Sebastian's mobile went off far too soon. "Shit," he murmured. "Back to real life, John Watson." They packed up and headed back to the house, John going in before Sebastian so they weren't suspiciously arriving at the same time. John toiled with chores far later than he normally would have, and Sebastian tried to help in subtle ways that the camera wouldn't notice.
When John was too tired to stay awake and to chores any longer, he hesitated before writing on a paper:
Can we sleep together again?
Sebastian scrawled back,
Please God yes. Tonight's our last night to do it.
Jim would be back tomorrow, who knew what time?
John smiled and gave a small nod. He slipped the paper into his pocket and turned to head upstairs, but stopped outside his own door. "Seb," he whispered, "There are cameras in my room...Jim will know I didn't spend the night here last night."
Sebastian considered this for a moment. Then, in a sudden motion, he grabbed John's throat and slammed him hard against the wall. He clenched his teeth and growled very quietly, "Then I'll make it look like I forced you. Jim will think I took you in for a fuck. Now look upset and I'll drag you into the bedroom."
John's heart raced, and for a moment, he had thought it had all just been a rouse. He flinched and looked down, giving a small nod. John didn't have to try and look upset and scared. "Yes, sir..." he said hardly above a whisper.
Sebastian swallowed, hoping John would understand, and then grabbed a fistful of his hair and dragged him to the bedroom, tossing him into the bedroom. "Strip!" he yelled, then shut the door, making sure it was sealed tightly before he said softly, "Don't strip, John. Come here." He held out his arms.
John cowered, hesitating for a moment before he quickly crossed to Sebastian, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in his chest, not wanting Sebastian to see the fearful tears that stung his eyes.
"John, I'm so sorry it has to be this way," Sebastian muttered into John's hair, holding him close, and running a soothing hand down his back. He leaned down and kissed John's head, holding him for several minutes. "Well. Shall we go to bed?" he asked, keeping his arms wrapped around John.
John didn't say anything, not really trusting his voice, but gave a small nod. He wondered if things would always be like this now. If every time Sebastian raised his voice or did anything, John would feel that horrible rush in his head and drop in his stomach, fear bubbling to the surface. He hoped not. Even if he was in this arrangement for life, he still wanted to have a separate life with Sebastian. A secret one, but he didn't know if he could ever bring himself to be back to how he was. Not here anyway. Not in this setting.
Sebastian pulled off his shirt, changed into his pyjama bottoms, and crawled into bed, leaving a space for John. He hated that it had to be here, in Jim's bed. He hated that Jim would be back tomorrow, and this tiny sliver of freedom they'd had would be gone.
John silently pulled off his own clothes until he was just in his boxers, not able to go back into his own room to get a pair of his pyjamas. He then crawled into bed. For a minute, he stayed far away from Sebastian, then suddenly, he was right next to him, curled against the bigger man. He grabbed the covers and pulled them up higher, wanting to cocoon himself in Sebastian's warmth. As Sebastian ran a hand along John's arm, John murmured, "I'm sorry. …For being scared. I don't want to be, and I didn't mean to be."
"I'm convincing, John," Sebastian said softly, running his hand through John's hair now. "I know I am. World's best damn actor. It scares me because I'm worried that you'll never fully believe the truth. I love you so much, John, and it kills me inside to hurt you or scare you or threaten you." He lowered his lips to John's neck and kissed it gently. "Please believe that, John. This is the truth, right here."
John moved a bit closer, looking up into Sebastian's eyes. "I believe you." Still, he wasn't sure if he believed him because he actually did, or because he was so desperate for some hope and some fragment of happiness. "I love you, Seb."
"I love you, John," he whispered into John's ear, meaning every syllable, and held John close, burying his head into John's shoulder. He was crying before he could stop himself, the teardrops falling onto John's shoulder. He was so afraid that he would be forced into doing something that would leave John doubting him forever. He was so afraid for Jim's return. He was so afraid John would never recover. His teardrops dripped onto John's shoulder, and as much as he tried to keep his crying silent, it was quite obvious that he was weeping.
The feeling of Sebastian crying behind him, sent John into another bout of tears and he turned around to look at him. He ran his hand down the side of his face, then leaned in to give him a small, lingering kiss. He didn't know what to say though, so he just moved closer to him.
The kiss took Sebastian by surprise. He couldn't remember the last time John had initiated anything. It calmed him somewhat, and he opened his eyes to look into John's. They lay like that for some time, watching each other, Sebastian stroking John's face and hair, feeling more connected to John than he had to anyone.
Eventually, John wiped his eyes and murmured, "We should go to bed." He didn't want to. He didn't want to waste the little time he had with Sebastian sleeping.
"We are in bed," Sebastian grinned, smoothing back John's hair. John let out a little huff, feeling stupid.
"I know what you mean," Sebastian said, then pulled John close into a hug, kissing his shoulder. John rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder and wrapped an arm around him, but didn't close his eyes. Even if Sebastian went to sleep, John didn't think he actually could.
Sebastian's mind was racing about tomorrow. He'd have to give John advice on how to deal with Jim. There were definite strategies with surviving with that man that he'd picked up over the years of working for him. It could wait until morning, he decided, curling against John's warmth and holding him protectively.
In the end, they both fell asleep, wrapped around each other. Morning came all too soon. John woke slowly, his heart sinking as he remembered that Jim was coming back today. He didn't want to move and disturb the still-sleeping Sebastian, but when he heard Sebastian shift behind him, he turned over and asked, "When does he get back?"
"He hasn't said yet," Sebastian said, stretching and looking sleepily over at John. "You rest here while you can, and if you come out of the bedroom, look like you're in pain. Maybe limp a little. Jim needs to think I was rough with you last night." He slid out of bed and began pulling on some fresh clothes, checking his phone, then left. He came back a few minutes later. "Jim texted. Said he'll be back by 7 pm, and he wants roast beef ready for dinner. How many chores do you have left?"
John sighed and moved out of the bed. He bundled up his dirty clothes. "Too many to finish," he said. "I should've woken at five like usual. Then I might've had a chance." John sighed glumly and moved out of the room, limping a bit. He'd have to wash Jim's sheets now—it would have to look like they'd been soiled. There was another chore to add to his list.
Sebastian spent the rest of the day overseeing John, wanting desperately to help as John frantically cleaned, swept, polished, laundered, sorted, and cooked, but instead watched him and occasionally barked orders. If any sound devices picked it up, it would sound like he was being a task master, but in actuality it was to coax John along so he could complete as many of the chores as he could. By the time the roast beef was in the oven, the house was tidied for the most part. Sebastian was just checking on John's work on the potatoes and carrots when Jim burst in the door. Sebastian strode out to greet him. "Hello, boss. We missed you around here. How was Croatia?"
John glanced up, but didn't say anything as he continued to wash dishes.
Jim sighed in annoyance. "Croatia was a drag. Ordinary people often stray into the intolerable, and I accidently had them all shot." He sighed in annoyance, "Ah well, is dinner nearly finished?" He stepped closer to Sebastian and the food, not even bothering to use it as a pretense for letting his eyes rake over Sebastian and John, trying to pick up anything that may have changed between them.
"Very nearly. John, take your master's luggage upstairs and unpack it," Sebastian barked.
John flinched. "Yes, sir." He hurriedly dried his hands and grabbed Jim's bags, still limping slightly as he made his way out of the kitchen.
Jim raised an eyebrow as John left and turned back to Sebastian, questioningly, with a hint of distaste on his face.
Sebastian wasn't sure what to make of Jim's look but didn't mention it. "John behaved himself for the most part while you were gone, enough so that I sent him out with a tracker bracelet on to do some errands around town. I took the liberty of having him while you were gone—he's hard to resist. Hope you don't mind," Sebastian said, forcing a wolfish grin.
Jim eyed him for a moment, his eyes narrowing. "I see," he said slowly, trying to detect any foul scent. He looked at the food, then back at Sebastian. "Have John bring mine to my office. I'll be eating and watching footage of the past two days."
Sebastian's heart hammered. He was glad that he had been conscientious of the footage. "Yes, boss," he murmured, then flicked his eyes up to Jim. "I did miss you, boss," he said softly, hooking a finger into Jim's collar and pulling him in for a kiss.
Jim was still wary for a moment before he grinned into the kiss. "Mmm...missed you too, Sebby." He pulled back and straightened his tie. "Did John finish all of his chores? ...He better have."
"He didn't get to the vent cleaning, because of the extra chores I gave him," Sebastian said, then gave a cheeky grin. "I also might've kept him in the bedroom later than he usually stays, so any of his failures in that sense can be blamed on me. If you watch the footage, though, you'll see he worked his tight little ass off for you. Honestly, Jim, sometimes I think you go too hard on the little guy. It's a strange world when I come off as the softy..." He moved his lips down to Jim's neck and sucked on his pulse point, then gave him a biting kiss.
Jim let the other man's lips and teeth roam over him for a minute, then suddenly pulled back and backhanded Sebastian hard across the face. Sebastian's head snapped to the sighed and he gasped in pain.
Jim's expression remained neutral, and his voice calm as red blossomed over Sebastian's cheek. "John is none of your business. Touch him again and I'll cut your cock off and shove it down your throat. Say another word to try and defend him, I'll gouge your eyes out and shove them up your arse. Understood?"
Sebastian breathed hard, his stomach coiling in fear for John. "Perfectly," he managed. "...Let me know if you need anything else."
Jim gave him a sickly sweet smile, an attractive ocean wave with a deadly undertow. "I'm sure I will, darling. Be a good boy now and have John fetch me my food." He leaned forward and gave Sebastian another small kiss and then turned and headed toward his study to watch the recordings.