Day 26 and I've Got Better Things to Do
I didn't get to worry about Roznik's teen drama this morning when I reported to the training grounds. I must have dinged level 10 in the middle of the night. Apparently, fucking trolls grants experience, because they finally taught us how to train pets and communicate with them. Give them commands and such. Man, I always took it for granted in the game. Just click a hot-button or tap a shortcut key, and shazam, pet goes wild. It so isn't that easy in reality.
For starters, Zugzug is a wolf. So, you know, doesn't think like I do. Orteza said that, since we're the supposedly superior intelligence, the onus was on us to bridge the gap. She also mentioned that every species had a different opinion about which one of us should be the domininant brain in the paradigm. Could make for some interesting taming later on.
Yeah, whatever, I was just interested in finding out why Zugzug licked her ass all the time. Or what juicy bits of gossip sniffing an ass revealed. You know, the important questions.
As it turns out, I couldn't get these ideas across at all. I had to use imagery that she would understand. Orteza said that it would help to use settings that were familiar to the pet, such as the land where they came from. So I had to think of Elwynn Forest, I guess. Our first conversation went something like this:
Me: [wolf licking its butt]
Zugzug: [wolf licking its butt even more enthusiastically]
Me: [add myself looking bewildered, shrugging, that sort of thing]
Zugzug: [add me licking my butt in a completely awkward and physically impossible way]
Me: [me barfing]
Zugzug: [wolf licking my butt in a conciliatory manner]
Me: [giving up entirely and walking away]
Zugzug: [groveling and rolling over to show her belly]
Me: [sighing and rubbing wolf's belly]
Zugzug: [tail wagging and tongue lolling happily]
Not exactly a clever exchange, but at least I learned one thing: Ain't no why in wolf language. I figured out later on that time didn't have much meaning to her, either. Wolves, and probably most animals, live almost entirely in the present moment. Trying to express time through imagery – what happened yesterday, what I expect of her tomorrow – is damn near impossible.
And the connection itself isn't a constant one, either. I actually have to make a conscious effort to open it, like holding down the talk button on a walkie talkie. Orteza had a somewhat insulting thought on that one, too. She pointed out that trolls will always be better at it than humans because they embrace their wilder nature. Humans try to suppress it.
So basically we suck as hunters, I guess. Fine. You want wild nature? I'll give you wild nature. Me and Zugzug'll win whatever competition you want to stage, lady. Bring it.
I guess I'd better switch from personal hygiene to actual useful communication, then. Time to hit the training grounds. I know a few dummies in need of a good ass-ripping.