Chapter 26: Emptying the Closet of Skeletons
"Peter, that's your first name right?" Hook heard Emma ask through his rage filled mind. If he was able to think straight currently he would be thankful for Emma's interjection into the terrible conversation. However, he wasn't thinking straight. His head and body were filled with so much unrelenting anger. How dare Pan air his past in front of Emma! How dare he act like he was a hero and didn't make his life hell! How dare he compare Milah to Emma! He hated this realm. He hated all the loss that had occurred in his life. He hated Pan.
"Yes it is. I'm assuming you've heard of me?" Hook heard Peter ask Emma in between his hostile thoughts.
"Actually I have heard of you. I have heard that you're very knowledgeable and know everything about this realm. However, I don't believe it. In fact, I like to play game too. So how about we play a game?" Emma asked. Hook forced himself out of his head. He needed to focus on the situation in front of him. He needed to protect Emma from Pan's treacherous ways. Protect. It had been a hell of a long time since he felt like protecting. Sure he protected his ship and his crew, and of course he protected himself…but a woman? He hadn't protected a woman in a long time. Not that Emma needed his protection. He knew she could clearly take care of herself after she had irrationally chased him down in front of the castle with a sword. Still Emma had enough going on in her life currently (not that he knew the details of what that was) she definitely didn't need Pan to add more drama. He needed to pull himself together, if only he could control his rage.
"I'm the best at all games, and I certainly know more about this realm than anyone else. Tell me about this game, I'm glad to see you are already more fun than Hook." Pan replied.
"The game was originally called Truth or Dare but I updated it to Dare or Double Dare. No one wants to sit around and listen to boring truths when they could be having fun doing reckless dares instead. So Dare or Double Date Peter?" Emma asked calmly. Hook was impressed by her ability to read Peter and take control of the situation when he had clearly let his emotions take control of him. He was appreciative of the moment to try to pull his shit together. He did however wonder where Emma was going with this game but for once he decided to do what she had asked, he decided to trust her. If he wasn't so fucking angry he might have been alarmed by this realization.
"I pick Double Dare of course. However, I am not completely stupid, I know you came here with an agenda so I'll play your game to assist in whatever you came to do but you must complete a Double Dare for me in return. Once your Double Dare is successfully completed I promise I will complete yours." Pan said unfortunately reading the situation and Emma's tactic much better then Hook wanted him to.
"Deal." Emma said immediately and Hook cursed internally at that word, it made her sound like Rumpelstiltskin.
"Fine, since you asked me to select first you tell me what your Double Dare is." Peter said.
Hook almost interjected telling Emma to not reveal their cards yet but she gently placed her hand on his arm telling him again to trust her. Her gentle hand touch immediately calmed his temper down significantly. She ever so lightly brushed her thumb back and forth on his arm in reassurance. Her eyes never left Peter's but her touch put a whole different kind of fire in Hook's body.
"I Double Dare you to give me the Dark One's dagger." Emma said evenly, not portraying any nervousness or excitement that Hook was sure she was feeling.
Peter laughed, "Of course that's why you are here! However, unfortunately I cannot fulfill your Double Dare because I physically can't complete your request. But I will show you the dagger and you can try to take it yourself. I am just unable to give it to you." Peter said with a devilish smile.
Hook opened his mouth to rebuke Pan's answer but Emma patted his arm.
"Fine, I'll accept that. Now what's our Double Dare in return?" Emma asked.
"It's quite simple you see Tiger Lily stole something from me and I need you to get it back." Pan said.
Hook groaned internally, he should have known Pan was going to bring her into this. Pan knew how messed up his relationship was with Tiger Lily. Pan never understood the relationship he had with Tiger Lily because Pan was a boy and Hook was a man. Why did Pan have to unleash every dirty secret in Hook's closet? He knew that Pan probably did want whatever Tiger Lily had stolen from him back but he also knew the main game for Pan here would be revealing Hook's past.
"Okay, where's Tiger Lily at and what did she steal?" Emma asked completely obliviously to the messed up situation they were about to walk into.
"She stole a ring given to me by my father. She has no use for it, she was just being a jerk and stole something that means something to me. As for where to find her, Hook knows where she is." He said with a nasty smile. "Bring me the ring to Skull Island and I will show you the dagger."
Emma nodded her face full of determination. Hook hated that he'd have to explain to her that this request wouldn't be as easy as she assumed it would be.
Pan turned to leave "Enjoy seeing your old lover Hook." Pan said before walking away laughing manically.
"This isn't going to be easy is it?" Emma asked after Pan disappeared in the trees. She should have known better. She shouldn't have assumed it would be an easy request. She should have known that Hook would have some messed up past affiliated with this woman.
She turned to look at him. She had been so focused on Pan and making sure he bought into the game she had suggested that she hadn't looked at Hook throughout the entire exchange. She could feel his anger next to her, she knew he wanted to rip Pan to pieces, she knew he wanted to scream and cuss out Pan. However he had trusted her, he had let her call the shots and let her put them in what she had thought was a good position. Now looking at Hook's face it confirmed that it wouldn't be that easy.
"So let me guess you weren't a very good sex partner for your old lover and now she's angry at you?" Emma asked frustrated by the situation and not wanting to hear about Hook's past lover.
"Trust me love, no woman has ever had any complaints about my sexual activities. They are always completely satisfied." Hook said locking eyes with Emma. She knew he was being explicit purposely to get to her. She refused to react emotionally. She had no reason to. She didn't care about Hook's sexual activities. She didn't care that his women were fully satisfied. Damn when was the last time she was completely satisfied sexually? Had she ever been fully satisfied? Sure she enjoyed the act of sex but she never walked away completely sated, she never felt the physical need to return to a man because he was so satisfying. Damn Hook for bringing up sex, it had been far too long for her without having a man inside of her. She needed to focus, get her mind back on track. When did it become so hot out here?
Emma cleared her throat. "Alright no use beating around the bush, tell me what the hell happened so we can come up with a plan and get the hell out of here."
"Fine, we are almost back at the cave. I'll start a fire and grab some rum then I'll tell you what we are up against." Hook replied.
"A fire, isn't it a bit hot for a fire?" Emma asked thinking out loud.
Hook smirked, "Hot and bothered are you love? Did you get all worked up thinking about all the amazing sexual skills I have that I bring to the table or bed or floor or anywhere each and every time?"
Emma rolled her eyes but she knew her face was flushed. She was glad it was quickly getting darker, she hoped it hid her reaction to his words. She hated to admit it but his words were getting to her, she blamed her long dry streak on that, not that man in front of her. She also knew he was again trying to cover the emotions he was feeling by flirting and making light of the situation. She wished he would just trust her enough to tell her the truth. They had been this far together and obviously still had more road ahead of them. She put herself in his shoes. Would she be able to confess to him her past? Her insecurities? A week ago, hell a day ago she would have immediately said no but things were changing between them. The trust he had given her during the exchange with Pan was chipping at her high walls.
"Let's head back so I can hear what kind of mess you've gotten us into this time." Emma said completely avoiding his accusations.
Hook laughed in response but turned to lead the way.
They were back at the camp a few moments later. Hook pulled out a bottle of rum and handed it to her. She immediately uncorked it and took a long swig. Hook said nothing but raised an eyebrow at her. He then turned and started to build the fire without a word. She guessed he was figuring out what he wanted to tell her. As she looked at him building the fire she wondered how many women he had been with. Hell he was hundreds of years old he could have been with hundreds of women in that time. No wonder he easily portrayed sexiness, he had years of perfecting it. She was too worked up to even deny his sexiness anymore. She had been on an emotional roller coaster since this man had walked into her life. He was confusing, one minute he was insulting her the next he was flirting with her. 'He flirts with everyone' her brain said and she knew it was true. She couldn't let him get to her, sure she enjoyed flirting but she couldn't let Hook get under her skin, he'd obviously been under the skin of many women and she didn't want to be added to that list. She was looking for true love and he was obviously just looking to get laid. Plus damnit she was engaged why did she keep forgetting that?
Hook held out his hand indicating that he needed the bottle of rum before he was going to start his tale. Emma handed it to him and their fingers brushed for a moment. Their eyes locked in that moment and Emma wasn't sure what was going on. Why was she reacting like this? Why did she not want to let go? When did she start losing her mind?
Hook took the bottle from her and took an extremely long drink. He then sat down on a log he had dragged over a few days ago that was in front of the fire. Emma walked slowly to the log and sat down at the opposite end. She looked at him unsure of what was about to come out of his mouth but for some reason she knew it would change them forever.
"Pan did an excellent job of revealing multiple secrets of mine. However since we have now been tasked with confronting part of my past I guess I need to swallow my pride and just spell out my story for you. Trust me I've thought it over and as much as I would like to avoid this entire conversation it clearly now can't be avoided. It's only fair that you know the truth before we proceed." Hook spoke in a strong voice, his words sounded somewhat rehearsed as if he had thought about this conversation previously even before had Pan vocalized parts of history. She wondered if he had been toying with telling her his truth for a while now.
"I know you think I'm unlovable but at one time I was very much in love. Her name was Milah, she was beautiful and brave and everything I had ever wanted in a woman, I was captivated immediately. She longed for the sea just like I did. After we met in a tavern one night we started spending lots of time together. It became very clear after just a couple of days that we were crazy about each other. We started off just talking about everything from our family to our dreams. We laughed together and simply enjoyed every moment we spent with one another. I was a sucker and fell hard and fast, she did also. It was the perfect situation I had thought. I told her I loved her only a week after meeting her. When I told her she responded immediately that she loved me back, however immediately after her response she burst into tears. I was so confused I didn't know what I did wrong but then she told me that she was married. She was married to Rumpelstiltskin."
Emma gasped out loud as so many pieces fell into place over the last few months. Hook's revenge, Hook's hatred towards Rumple. Hook's broken heart. They all made sense now. She wanted to be angry at him for keeping this ginormous secret from her but she couldn't, she was keeping secrets from him as well. As much as she wanted to feel some kind of anger or betrayal because those feelings would be much easier to deal with she only felt sad, she knew this story didn't have a happy ending and it made her heart break a bit for Hook.
"I'm sure you're smart enough to put the rest of the pieces together. We ran away together and lived quite some time in harmony on the sea. We knew we couldn't settle anywhere on land for any length of time because we feared that her husband would find her. I know it was stupid, being involved with a married woman. Not only a married woman but a woman married to the Dark One. I was so far gone though I couldn't turn back. Even knowing everything I know today I wouldn't change a second of the way we met and how we lived our lives together. Milah was the first person I truly loved since the death of my brother, she made me feel almost whole again. When travelling we heard about this realm. Neverland: the realm where no one ages. It was a realm that Rumple didn't control. The magic of this realm is strange, the Dark One is only allowed to visit this realm once every hundred years. We knew it was left in charge to a boy who we thought was so powerful he kept the Dark One out. We thought it would be perfect for us to escape to. We figured we'd live our days together forever. We thought we would finally escape Rumple. We travelled far and wide searching for a magic bean to take us there. After we finally climbed up a bean stalk and bartered with a giant we got our bean. We had just made it back to the ship thrilled to finally escape when her husband appeared. I'm sure you can also guess what happened after that. I lost my temper just like I did earlier today with Pan. He killed her right in front of me, slicing my hand off in the process of killing her and left her on the deck of my ship and disappeared. That was the last time I saw him." Hook paused to take another drink.
Emma was stunned, she didn't know how to react. She knew he didn't want her sympathy. He wasn't the type of man who would appreciate pity. She also knew that an apology wouldn't be enough. She wanted to free him from the pain he was currently feeling, but she didn't know how.
"You don't have to continue," Emma said doing the only thing she could think of to help the situation. She didn't want him to have to continue down the path of his history if it would cause him more pain. In that moment she couldn't blame him for turning into the person he did. He had his true love killed right in front of him, she didn't blame him for his revenge.
"No, I need to get to the Tiger Lily part and unfortunately this backstory had to be told for it all to make sense. I've only told that story entirely once before and unfortunately it was to the boy who outed me early. Tink and Ariel have heard bits and pieces of it over time mostly from others. I was so distraught over Milah I immediately used the bean after to take me to Neverland. I thought that the boy in charge must be super powerful so maybe he could bring her back from the dead. I know that probably sounds stupid but I was heartbroken, I wasn't thinking straight. I ended up in Neverland and unfortunately immediately found Pan and spouted out my entire story. He replaced my hand with a Hook thinking it would be funny to hang things from it. When I figured out he was just a boy who loved games and didn't want to mature I went into even more rage. He couldn't help me and I was stuck in a realm with the dead body of the woman I loved in the place the both of us had wanted to be. It took me a few days but I finally disposed of her body in the sea here. I knew it would be where she would want to rest. Land was never her thing, it was always the sea. After that I went into meltdown. I felt no emotion but anger. Pan left me alone my first hundred years because I was so destructive it wasn't fun for him. He was a child, he didn't understand love, he didn't understand my pain. In that time frame I met another inhabitant of the island, Tiger Lily. She made it her personal goal to bed me. She's like the adult version of Pan except her games are adult-like not child-like. She kept coming to me, sometimes naked, sometimes clothed, she pulled every womanly trick out of the book and used it on me. But I didn't care, I don't even know if I looked at her face the first few decades because I was so distraught. I didn't care about her body, I only cared about the loss of my Milah. However, I was still a man. Finally one night I gave in. I had so much emotion built up that it turned into a fucked up sort of stress relief for me. I started bedding her on a regular basis. For me it meant nothing, it was emotionless. However after a hundred years of fucking it started to mean something to her. Somehow she managed to fall in love with me. I don't know how. When she confessed her feelings at first I thought she was joking. How could she be in love with me? We didn't talk. We only fucked when I needed relief. She didn't know about my family, she didn't know about my past, I think at some point Pan probably told her but I never did. It was simply physical, not romantic, I didn't even kiss her when we had sex. I knew that she didn't love me. I proceeded to tell her that, I got all worked up in one of my rages and told her how she didn't understand love and she was a fucking idiot to think that she loved me. Again, I'm sure you can guess how she reacted to that especially since she was convinced that she did love me. So my last few decades here were spent playing Pan's stupid child-like games and trying to keep Tiger Lily off my cock."
Emma had to make a conscience effort to keep her jaw from dropping. She didn't see that coming. So many emotions were running through her. She wanted to be disgusted at Hook for fucking a woman simply for stress relief but how could she after he spoke so passionately about the woman he loved? He had obviously been heartbroken and not thinking straight. If he was he probably wouldn't have been surprised that decades of regular fucking lead to a woman thinking she was in love.
Emma moved over next to Hook and took the bottle of rum out of his hand. She took a long drink and handed it back. Her fingers once again touched his but this time she didn't let go. His eyes moved up to meet hers, it was the first time he met her eyes since he started telling his story. She saw so much emotion in his eyes. It reminded her of the first day they met and the first time their eyes locked. She had seen so much emotion in them then and she remembered wondering his story, wondering how all the emotion got there. Now she knew. She knew about his messed up past. He had the courage to tell her.
"So that's the fucked up story of how I became the man I am today. That's the reason it won't be easy to get anything from Tiger Lily." Hook said still staring into her eyes.
"I don't think you're unlovable." Emma blurted out without thinking. She remembered the very first line of his story. How he said that she thought he was unlovable.
"No one as passionate as you are is unlovable. Weren't you the one who told me that love is all about passion?" Emma continued. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know why she felt the need to tell him he wasn't unlovable. But it felt right, she knew her statement wasn't going to take away his pain, it wasn't going to fix his wounds but at that moment she didn't want this brave handsome man to think badly about himself.
"I can't believe I just told you all that." Hook said surprise radiating in his eyes.
"I'm glad you did." Emma said honestly finally becoming aware of the fact that they were holding hands around the bottle of rum.
"Are you?" Hook asked showing the first and slightest sign of vulnerability.
"I am. You let people think that you were just a scoundrel and a terrible man. You're not a terrible man Killian. You're a man who an insane amount of shitty things happened to. You reacted passionately and like a man in love would. I'm not saying I think it was the best idea to angry fuck Tiger Lily for decades but I'm saying I get it. The world doesn't give you enough credit for all you've been through and you don't give yourself enough credit either." Emma said passionately wanting to convey her point clearly to Hook or Killian as she just called him. She had used his real name to show how serious she was about her thoughts.
Then Hook did the most unexpected thing of all. He leaned over and kissed her.
Ahhhhh! This is the longest chapter but I couldn't stop! Man I love it when the words just keep flowing. This was a HUGE chapter for revelations. I can't wait to hear about your thoughts! Thanks a MILLION as always to everyone who is still reading this story. I actually like the way this chapter turned out and hope you do to! Let me know! I hope you enjoyed it!