This is supposed to be the easiest of the three abuse fics, if I'm finding this one difficult, what does that say about the other more intricate ones? It does not bode well I tell you. This chapter was a mess for a while, so I think I may have screwed up somewhere.

That said, ya know in episode 46, I love how all the hollows just practically line up to be Shinsou'ed. They DO! I swear! And Aizen's just all like "Waahahahaha! Look how badass I am! I can kill hollows with my bare hands! Goodbye my brethren!" OH THE CRACK! And I think I've just gone and wrecked the plot now... oops. I'll stop plotwrecking now.

"Manipulating someone is easy. Manipulating someone to do your bidding is a little trickier."
- taken from ehow

Chapter 25: Emotional blackmail

Kira snarled at Momo, looking into her brown eyes but ignoring the tears slowly starting to fall. Their blades crossed. Good, maybe now he could clear his debt. Repay a life for a life.

"Izuru-kun… why?"

He glared coldly back at her, not seeing her distress, only her insanity. This was his one chance to get his freedom and not even she was going to stand in his way. Or rather, in the way of his taichou living.

"I cannot allow you to raise your sword to my taichou, no matter what the reason."

She gasped. He was being so cold, not like the Izuru she knew. This man was someone different entirely. But she didn't know what he was now willing to do to get his life back, she didn't know what happened behind closed doors, she didn't know how far he was willing to go to be free of the smiling demon. Of all of the hurt and abuse he was suffering. She thought he was just being spiteful, she thinks he is doing this purely to hurt her. But really, to Kira, it was survival of the fittest. He was going to repay his debts even if people got hurt. Because frankly, he was sick of being treated like this by people. He has lost his trust in humanity now. Lost faith in love.

Because nobody cared.

Really, nobody cared enough to stop it.

They just let him get treated like this. Both then and now. By the love he once had, and now by his taichou. Would it never end? The self same abuse and the trauma. All of the heartache and threats to self harm. How close would he have to be to killing himself would he have to be before anybody took notice and stepped in?

"Izuru-kun… please… stand aside."

No, it would never end.

Maybe because he was afraid to let anybody know.

Because he'd hidden it. Kept it secret for so long.

How much weight had he lost now? From not eating, from not sleeping enough? How many times would he have to pass out from exhaustion? How far would he have to be pushed? How much would he have to suffer before anyone saw the bruises? Would he actually have to cut himself for them to see?

How much more would he suffer?
Just how much longer would it continue before he ended up six feet under?

But it was continuing because he was letting it.

But no more. He needed to get out of this life now, and if that meant that Momo got hurt then so be it. He would probably regret this later, but right now he wasn't thinking straight. He was thinking of his own safety, of his own well being. For once in his life he was being selfish. And he didn't even care if Gin did kill Aizen, because Kira knew that he would die himself if life continued like this.

"No. I refuse."

Momo growled, but still Kira refused to let her past. He wasn't going to give up. He wanted freedom and he was damned if he wasn't going to get it. He shook his head and gave her a look that said 'don't you even dare'. But still she persisted. Still she wanted to fight.

Gin started to walk away, and Momo only became more desperate to get at him.

"Please stand aside Izuru…"

"I said, I refuse."

No, he couldn't let her past now. He wasn't going to give up his chance at freedom that easily. He had to repay his debt and make things square. A life for a life right? And this was the only way to assure that nobody died in the process. Because he couldn't stand to see anybody die.

"Stand aside! Move!"

"I already told you I can't!"

He watched as she snarled again, screeching the name of her zanpaktou and nearly blowing up the whole of the bridge they were standing on.

"How dare you release your zanpaktou here. Do you realise what you're doing any more?!"

"I'm not going to let him just get away with murder Izuru!"

Kira sighed, very well, he'd already gone this far.

"Very well, then you are now an enemy to me."

He released his own zanpaktou and lunged at her, his eyes seeing red. Why should he be the only one hurting? Why should he have to suffer like this? Maybe it would do nothing, but he had to at least try. But he'd just lost it; he saw red and could only think of taking down his opponent. His only thoughts were of inflicting harm. All of the anger that had built up inside of him for all of these months, no, maybe even years of hurt, just exploded in one huge outburst.

And just like Ichimaru Gin, he saw red.

He only snapped back to sense when he was stopped by Hitsugaya and arrested, and then dragged away and shoved into a holding cell, where he would stay. And where his head would clear enough for him to feel guilty again about acting as selfishly as he did.

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He was in that cell for some time, everything replaying over and over again in his head. What the fuck did he do that for? What could have possibly snapped in him that he wanted to cause hurt? He didn't know. Maybe it was all of the buried emotion and anger at being abused, the anger at himself for letting it happen.

But he'd just snapped. Completely lost it.

He gritted his teeth and got to his feet, starting to pace back and forth frantically. Frustrated, angry. Guilty.

"Why the fuck did I do that?!" he screamed, grabbing the small wooden chair and throwing it against the wall, breaking it. His breathing becoming heavy. He then slumped onto the floor and clutched his head in his hands and wailed.

"What's wrong with me?"

"Oh wow,"

That voice again. The voice that made his blood run cold and his body tremble. The voice that screamed and swore at him. That same, schizophrenic, lying voice.

"Yer a wreck. Poor thing. Jus' what did they do to ya?"

Izuru just stared at him, his eyes as wide as dinner plates. Just why was he here? What possible reason could he have to come and see him here?

"Do ya want me to help ya?"

Oh right, that. To rack up another debt. But it's not like Kira can refuse. Because he knows that he needs help. He just doesn't know where to turn. Who to turn to. So he just goes back to what he knows. He gives up. Because nothing will change.

They know that nothing will change.

"Yes..."

"Alrigh'. But first ya have to do somethin' fer me."

"What?"

"I want ya to come with me…"

A/N –

"Yer a wreck. Poor thing. Jus' what did they do to ya?"

errr "they" don't you mean "I" Gin? *laughs* okay, I know I shouldn't laugh, but that's just so funny to me. Sorry, just had to be said. I believe there's a word for it but I can't think of it right now. I feel bad for laughing now, poor Kira…

Alright, now, the plots gotten a bit messed up and I don't know whether to just skip the bits in the manga or not, because it will just basically be re-writes of the scenes, a lot of hard work, and I'll probably cover it in the other two mirror fics again anyway. However, I don't know how to make the transition seem smooth and not just a time jump. Hmm decisions. I may just make a reference to the stuff that happens but I don't know how I am going to do that yet. A beta chat is needed methinks.