Thanks: A Huge thanks to Betta1806 for her support!!!
DISCLAMER: I'm still without the second & additional Beta-reader so please again... Don't kill me!
Chapter 25"Giles, what exactly happened in the other room?"
The Slayer stared at the Englishman's reflection in the bathroom mirror while the cold water flowed onto her hands giving her temporary relief.
"I still don't know. I'll read that book when I'm sure you're alright, and I honestly don't think you are."
"The cold water is working… a little." She forced herself to give an honest smile. She didn't really need the watcher's help, but she was grateful for it, especially now. She felt so confused, and having Giles here with her, alone for a moment, made her feel less alone.
How could she feel isolated when in the other room there were her best friends?
A voice in her mind added 'And your former lover with his new love.'
"Well, I'm glad about that, but I'm not talking about your hand." Giles. Did he understand she was hurt by Spike's new relationship? Was it so obvious or it was just…
"Oh… I'll be ok". She closed her eyes trying to concentrate herself on the pleasant feeling of the cold water on her burn.
"Does it hurt that much?" and they both knew he wasn't referring to her burns.
She almost smiled before nodding.
"Buffy… but do you know they are just..."
"Anya found something." Xander's voice interrupted him.
Even before her friend moved Buffy was out the door, almost as if she was scared to continue the disturbing topic with her watcher.
Strange.
Recently, she often wondered what advice her mother would give her about this situation. And she never figured it out. Even though they loved each other so much, she never asked her about "problems of the heart". Joyce was almost in the dark for most of her relationship with Angel. And even with Riley she never asked her more than Buffy was ready to say. But Joyce was always ready to give Spike the wiser help. And when Buffy wondered why, she easily had her answer. He was the one who talked, the one who asked, the one ready to listen to the answers.
Joyce once also told Buffy she liked Spike, and she thought that he needed a maternal figure.
"So what did you find?" Buffy tried to use a normal tone of voice. Trying to be strong. Trying to concentrate on the incoming apocalypse.
"I think we found our link to the day," Anya cryptically said, pointing at the papers that had been hidden in the book.
"What?"
"That's what the amulet does." Xander agreed.
"So that's what happened earlier? She was linking herself to the day?"
Giles read them carefully. "Really the opposite," he explained, cleaning his glasses again. "The day was linking itself with her. But that's the theory."
"In these pages are written sort of instructions to send away the night." Anya handed them to Buffy.
"It can't be that easy."
"Well, it's not. There's a prophecy."
"I still wonder why people don't say things clearly when they know them! Can they add instructions like with a microwave?"
Giles, wearing his glasses again, started to read. "And when the time of the night arrives good and bad forces will be joined, because good and bad will not exist anymore. Death will not be the difference. The One will become three, and an ancient but new soul will be a key, mothers who are not, dead and undead will work together, and love and revenge will work together for the same purpose, Heaven and Hell will stop fighting in order to stop time and a new night will not come."
"And this means?"
"This means that if we're lucky enough to understand what it says maybe we can save the world, or else it will be only night forever," Xander summarized.
"Exactly, I think…" Giles rose from his chair, moving toward the windows. Outside the sun was still high, but they still had the curtain carefully closed.
"So what's the trick to deciphering this thing?" Buffy asked, as if she really was hoping someone had the right idea.
Xander, Anya and Giles looked at her speechless.
Lilea moved at the contact. "Hey" A familiar voice guided her back to consciousness.
"It's cold. What is it?" she mumbled, stretching a little.
"Wet towel." Spike still held it in his hand, not knowing if she still might need it.
"What happened?" she whispered, shaking her head.
"Don't you remember?" The vampire's hand caressed her face and hair a couple of times. "You scared me…"
She smiled at his touch. "I… think so. The talisman was speaking to me."
Ok, this was strange. "And …?"
"Nio miha noa"
"And you know what that means?" He was holding her hand.
She nodded. "Protect the key."
"Dawn!" Lilea didn't miss the panicked tone in his voice. Last time he had to protect the key he failed and Buffy died.
"It said I have to protect the key, that's why I'm here, that's what I was created for. And no, Dawn isn't the key I'm supposed to protect." Then she whispered, "Spike, I feel a little different now."
"How different?"
She gave him a 1000 watt smile. "I can't explain it… but in a good way. And stronger. And I feel I can do it."
Knock Knock
"Can I come in?" Buffy was clearly not very comfortable knocking at the door. As if she was sure she was disturbing them.
Lilea nodded with decision. "Sure Buffy. Come in."
"Do you feel better?"
Lilea, sitting on the bed, smiled at her. "I sure do, thanks for asking."
There was a moment of embarrassed silence.
A LONG ONE.
"I'll go then…"
"How are your hands?" The Slayer and the vampire spoke at the same time.
She breathed deeply before answering. "They burn" - and she felt mortally silly when she moved her hands as if she wanted to show him the damage.
Spike moved toward Buffy, and took her hands into his bigger ones. His thumb caressed the back of her right hand. His eyes stared at her face.
What surprised Buffy most was that Spike didn't hold her. He was keeping his hand open so she could move them away if she wanted.
The mind sometimes works in a strange way, because this made her remember he did a similar thing, when she came back from the grave, caring about fixing her hands that time, too.
And this time again she simply stayed there, lost in his gaze.
"Let her fix them." Could she hear love in his voice? Here, just a few inches from Lilea.
"What?" Buffy seemed confused.
"Lil." He explained to the girl on the bed. "The talisman burned her hands. Can you fix them? Do you feel strong enough?"
"Spike, she just fainted, I don't think…" Buffy tried to move away, but even with his open hand he could hold her wrist.
"No, It's ok… I'm ok. I would be glad to help you, Buffy, if you allow me…"
"I…"
Again he was staring at the slayer. His blue eyes were looking into her soul, so deeply that she thought that it could hurt. Then after a moment he promised, "She can do it." He paused for a moment then, almost without realizing it, he added, "Trust me."
Buffy by instinct answered without thinking about it. "I do… I mean…" Did she really just say that she trusted that soulless vampire? How could she have done that? She knew how much Spike was affecting her lately… well since he came back. And how hard she had tried to refuse to feel this connection with him and… and she had failed. Since he came back, since he took her in his arms that night in hospital. She lowered her head and sighed. And for a moment before speaking Buffy felt as if she was just falling into some trap. "What I've to do?"
Lilea smiled for the small Freudian slip about Buffy's trusting in Spike and she stared the Slayer colors become crazy for the emotions after that. She could see how confuse Buffy was. Definitely they will have to speak a lot, but not now. She, in this moment, needed that Buffy was ready to feel energy. Of course Lilea could use her own connection with earth, that she felt even stronger after she touched the talisman, but this wasn't what Buffy needed. What she really needed was the energy of her relationship with Spike, and this would help her not just for cure her hand. Buffy pain was inside, as if it was scare of feeling everything. Spike said more and more time that Buffy before Lilea, was probably the person that know him better, even better than Drusilla. Buffy's fear of feeling, of course was worse after what Spike did her last Spring. But he was changed and still the slayer seemed not notice that. Then Lilea realized it wasn't true. Buffy knows. Buffy felt it, even if she tried to not.
So, in this moment Lilea took a decision. It wasn't her that was going to heal only Buffy, but Spike too. Both of them needed that. A big smile appeared on Lilea's face. "Just sit down and relax."
The reluctant slayer sat on the bed, not too far, but trying to be not to close to the other girl.
Spike released her when she moved and took a couple of steps. "I let you girls alone"
"No way!" Lilea stopped him with a firm voice. "You're going to sit down near Buffy and keep do her whatever you were doing her a moment ago. We need your help."
Spike grumble a couple of time, part of him wanted run away faster, and the other half of himself was screaming inside of him when he felt Buffy's hand trembled a little when he took them again.
This time the gesture wasn't so spontaneous like few minutes ago and the improbable couple felt more embarrassed but Lilea smiled again because she could see their colors was embracing each other as if Spike's were protecting Buffy's.
Lilea stretched reaching slayer's hands but she had a lot of difficulties to brush both Spike's the position wouldn't be really comfortable for any of them even of they were contortionists. She had to take a difficult decision. And probably her friend -- or both of them - would be hate her for that.
"Spike, I need you sit on this bed as if you are going to take my hands and keep your leg open, because Buffy is going to sit between them."
"What?" Spike's voice probably would be less scandalized if Lilea would ask him to get naked and dance a Snoopy dance.
"Do it!" She said firmly. "So Buffy can sit between us."
"What in hell are you thinking about? You can't ask this! I asked you to cure her hands not… She need her space, and her space isn't close to mine."
Lilea didn't care him at all, she knew the other girl was tempted to run away just now. So she brushed her hand and looking toward her friend said with her more honest voice.
"Buffy it wont be long, and I know you don't understand this and I'll explain you later, if you want. If you want we can invert the positions and I can sit between Spike and you. You have just to tell me. But believe me, this is the better choice. It's a energy matter. And if or whatever you want me stop you have just to tell me."
For a moment the wiccan slayer thought she asked both doing something her friends weren't ready for. But she was sure they need that to heal each other's pain.
"It's ok.. I can do that. Just do it fast, ok?" Buffy voice was nothing more than a breath.
"Now Spike take her hands again" He did, the blind girl set her breath at the same rhythm of Buffy's and took their hand too.
Energy started to flow.
Buffy looked the girls sit in front of her: She was smiling sweetly and every moment her smile seemed become wider and her eyes more melancholic. Buffy didn't know how long she stared her, but then she started to feel a pleasant tactile sensation, of warmth flowing from her hand, and then to all her body, but the energy didn't flow just from the girl sit few inches far away. This magical wave of heat was arriving also, and it was the warmer part, from Spike. It was a so unique feeling. Not a sexual thing, but a communion of souls. Well in Spike's case - she thought - was more appropriate using the 'communion of spirits' expression.
She then she could feel his breath on her neck.
God, vampires never do that and he did it all the time. She always wondered why. But his warm breath almost made her loose her control. She slowly turned her head toward him.
His eyes were closed, the expression on his face seemed engaged or kidnapped by his thoughts.
She looked at him for some seconds, until him suddenly open his eyes as if he realized she was staring.
After a long while he bet his head on his side and he smiled her a ghost smirk.
"Don't think, Buffy. Just feel that" Lilea's sweet voice whispered her.
And Buffy tried again to make a blank into her mind, trying to not feel how painful was be there so close to Spike and still so far, being in the middle between Spike and his new girlfriend, and how it was hurting her, and feeling her own hand healing, without any physical pain and know that Lilea was responsible for that and than without know why, or how, she felt tears come close and she even if she tried hard to stop it a sob escaped.
"Buf? It's all ok?" But she didn't answer.
She could hear Spike breath her name again, against her ear. "I'm sorry... I…don't" she whispered with a trembling voice.
"It's ok, sweetie, it's the energy, let it flow… let the pain go away…." Lilea caressed her wrist, reassuring her, but holding them, in order to avoid her to run. If Buffy would be escaped now, Lilea couldn't help her anymore. "Nothing is wrong here. Not anymore. You have just to feel it."
And almost in the same moment Buffy started to sob without control, she tried to use her hand to cover her face but Lilea didn't let her wrist. She was holding them with a touch gentle but firm, as a mother when help her kid to stand-up after being fall. But this wasn't helping her to feel less ashamed for her tear. Cry in this way, just in front an almost stranger and Spike. She tried to wipe her tears against her own shoulder.
She felt Spike move, tending his body toward her, his right hand moved from her wrist to her left shoulder, then she moved slowly back, letting herself lean against his chest while she could feel his face against her hair.
And she realized how badly she wanted trust him again.
Then Lilea very carefully caressed the Slayer's palms. Both of them were perfectly healed now. She moved slowly her had away, let her fingers move lightly on Buffy's until she broke the contact, releasing them.
In the same moment Buffy's hands, as if was a reflex, moved to cover Spike's, giving him a silent permission of held her, and he did, a little tightly but with a uncommon sweetness.
They stayed motionless until Buffy's sobs calmed down then Spike gently wiped her tears.
"It's end pet… You're ok now." And his other hand started to caress her back.
Buffy's found herself smiling him, but part of her felt cold inside when he released his embrace.
When Lilea felt that everything was calm again, moved toward Buffy. She looked for the other girl hands, hoping of meet her eyes.
"Are you ok? I'm sorry I didn't mean to made you cry… I couldn't know how this will worked. But I didn't hurt you, did I?" Lilea was now again pale and seemed tired, but happy.
"How did you… my hands…" Buffy looked at them and then to the girl.
"Just like new ones." The blind girl smiled her finding in a way to lay down without crushing. "I can't do it now… but WE need to speak. I have to explain." Lilea yawned "not now. I need a nap. 'm so tired." And she fell asleep, as if she fainted again.
Buffy caressed Lilea's face and she bent to kiss her head, as she would done with a sleeping Dawn. Then she looked toward Spike, who was still sitting on the bed, with a lost look in his eyes, motionless, even after the slayer stood up. He seemed confused, then he realized Buffy was staring at him, so he let himself meet her eyes.
They looked at each other for a long moment, then Buffy smiled. "Thanks."
He hesitated before answering "For what?"
She felt silly when she whispered, "My hands."
He shrugged, almost embarrassed "I didn't do anything."
"You did. You asked her... and gave your energy... I felt it. And…" now her voice was just an embarrassed whisper "and you let me cry..."
"If I'm not the one you blame for your weeping… you can do that any time. I had a lot of practice with Lilea, lately. I should have a business: 'Shoulder available for crying on, reasonable rates."
Buffy shook her head. This guy was able to ruin every time she tried to make some sort of connection. He was avoiding it and had been doing ever since he came back. He was stopping her moving closer to him, in an emotional way, and yet he was always present when she needed him, for a fight-buddy or for real emotional support, like that night in the hospital. He was there for her, even if his life now was just dedicated to Lilea's needs. He did that first with Drusilla, then with her, now with his new girlfriend. He claimed eternal love less than six months ago, and now he had a new interest.
Buffy found herself staring at Lilea again. "She's nice, she reminds me a lot of Tara, even thought they are quite different. I guess that's why Will doesn't get on so well with her."
Was she blabbling? Was she just trying unconsciously to delay her leaving the room? She was the first one who couldn't answer to her own question. How could expect other people to understand her?
Spike smiled again to her, then he looked over to his sleeping friend. "Well, she has more problems fitting in with humans than with demons lately…and that isn't usual for a slayer."
Buffy found herself smiling at him again, before realizing she was doing it. "She's a strange one… in a good way."
"You are strange too. Not sure about the good way" Buffy gave him a bad look but then she realized from his eyes that he was joking.
"And you're crazy… you're playing with fire with me," she warned.
He started to say, "I used to love your fire..." but appeared to change his mind as he shrugged and lapsed into silence. Then changing his voice, trying to sound casual, he added "You know, I think I'm just tired. Do you think they" he pointed the other room "will mind if I sleep a little?" Then he stopped again. "As if I care. Lilea has too much good influence on me. She's making me polite again! I needed one hundred plus years to forget about that." He moved near the dreaming girl's ear, caressing her hair. "Maybe I should kill you," he whispered.
Even Spike wondered how she could be able to hear him, but the dormant slayer answered somehow. "'m sleepin' now… maybe later."
"You keep saying that to her - why?" Buffy stepped toward the bed again.
"Long story." Spike shrugged.
"I have time," she answered nonchalantly.
"It's silly," he retorted.
"Now I'm curious." Her voice started to sound a little exasperated.
"No you aren't."
Buffy crossed her arms, a resolute look on her face that said she wasn't going to leave unless he explained first, mixed with a big amount of sceptical disapproval. "I'm even more curious now."
Darn - even Dawn had the same posture when she wanted something from him, when they had still been friends.
"You're impossible!" he growled, but he answered anyway. "When I met Lilea, the very first time, she had no will to survive, she still didn't realize that Navarre was with her in his wolf-like form. So I said to her, 'If you don't find any good reason to stop me killing you I'll do it', she didn't have, so I should have killed her, but look at her, how could I do that? She was hurt, bleeding and I wasn't even hungry, she was already at risk of death from all her injuries. So I told her she wasn't dressed properly. You know, like in the movies, you die and you find yourself as a ghost with the same bloody clothes for the rest of eternity…It wasn't even a good joke. Actually, it was really a pretty lame one. But she started to laugh. Crying and laughing at the same time. Then she hugged me. And when her sobs calmed down she said that she wanted to live."
"It was nice of you." Buffy smiled at him. "Helping to save her life, I mean."
"Yeah, and with her strange sight cheating at kitten poker is a joke!" An amused look shone in his eyes.
"You're insufferable!" She hit him, a little more violently than she should have done if he'd been a normal man, but really very weakly for a vampire. And for a moment Spike felt as if she was looking at him as a real man, a human being.
"Buffy, there is something I want you to know…something about me. After that night when I …" Again he breathed in, like he did earlier when she was crying - and again she wondered why he did that when he didn't need to. "…left…"
Buffy moved a step closer. She moved her trembling hand toward his mouth and covered it. She couldn't listen to him.
"Spike, I don't wanna talk about that, not anymore, I don't want even to think about that. You have no idea how much that hurt me. You were the one I trusted more than anyone. Even though I acted in a bitchy way, even though I was rude to you, I knew I could trust you. Maybe never love you, but I really did trust you. Always. Even when I tried to hate you. But yours was the worse betrayal in all my life. And believe me I had a lot of them. You made Angel's departure seem like a glass of water. You hurt me. I don't want it to happen again. I won't let it happen again." Her voice was trembling with emotion and rage.
Buffy couldn't believe she was the one who was speaking. She was actually facing her own pain, even though this was giving her mixed feelings. Did this mean she was really growing up?
Spike lowered his head, unable to look at her. He seemed deeply affected by her speech. "I know it's worth nothing to you, especially now, but you can do that - trust me - forever."
How could he dare say that? How, after all he had done to her. "These are words. Only words, Spike. You said you never meant to hurt me, and you lied - you tried to rape me less than a week later." And she walked out of the room. Hurt again, this time even deeper than minutes ago.
Spike raised his eyes, staring at Buffy leaving the room. Maybe Lilea had been right, he needed to tell "his Slayer" everything. And she would understand, and believe him, as she had done with Angel. He killed Giles' girlfriend, tortured Giles, tried to kill her and Buffy had forgiven him… could she…
'No. She can't. She loved Angel. She never loved me. She never will.'
The vampire lay down near Lilea, hugging her, in a sort of desperate way, hiding his face against her neck while his soul was screaming to him. How could he deal with all he had done without going crazy? How long would he be able to resist?
"Help me, Lil, help me," he muttered.
Still without waking up, the slumbering girl snuggled against the vampire, as she had become used to doing since they started to share the bed months ago, softening each other's pain. But this time was different, even more desperately than other times. Because Spike felt as if he had just lost Buffy again.