This is now officially the longest story I've written. Nathaniel ended up being something of an Energiser bunny, didn't he?

Dean knows all about what happened, because when he first woke up, a bleary-eyed Sam told him, in detail, how he'd come to have such a good night's sleep, then Sam tried to nap a bit while Dean and RJ went out to get breakfast, and fetch Uncle Sammy a coffee. That's when they saw the duckies.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Bobby was in the living room when he heard the rumble of the Impala rolling into his drive. He headed for the kitchen, and watched Sam get out and head for the trunk to take out bags, while Dean let the dogs out, then leaned back into the rear seat and fiddled with something…

"So, who we got here?" he asked, when Pack Winchester trooped into his house.

"This is RJ," answered Dean.

"Huh, cute little guy," Bobby smiled. The boy smiled back. "So, what happened to his mom and dad? I'm assumin' that you brought him here because somethin' nasty is after him, and we need to find somewhere safe to hide him."

"Not exactly," replied Dean, a slightly sheepish version of his most winning smile on his face. "Look, Bobby, you remember when we went to visit Aphrodite, to get her to, uh, unhumanify my car? When Hephaestus undid the spell?"

"Yeah," Bobby nodded, "Lovely lady. Very interestin' scrolls she had, there."

"It wasn't her scrolls that Dean was interested in," commented Sam archly. Dean kicked him in the leg.

"Well, you know how you and Cas were reading the scrolls, and Sam and Heph were working on a better nuclear-fuelled mechanical mouse?" Dean reminded him.

"Yeah," Bobby nodded again. "You went to look at Aphrodite's tapestries. Which is something I aint heard it called before."

"Yeah, that's right," Dean smiled, "Well, you know how sometimes, men and women..."

"Or goddesses," Sam chipped in helpfully.

"Yeah, or goddesses," Dean agreed, "Anyway, you know how sometimes, males and females, they get together, they find they enjoy each other's company, and they may undertake informed, consenting, beautiful natural acts..."

"Is this gonna to take long?" asked Bobby solicitously. "Only, I got a Neighbourhood Watch meeting in February."

"Well, the thing is," Dean continued, "The thing is, sometimes, when a male and a female enjoy these beautiful natural acts, there are, uh, what I guess you could call, um, natural consequences."

"Consequences?" Bobby looked confused.

"Yeah, you know," Dean jiggled the boy in his arms, "Beautiful natural consequences. Of beautiful natural acts."

"Dean," Bobby eyed him, "Are you tryin' to give me The Talk? Because I gotta tell you, son, my Pa gave me that particular talk more 'n fifty years ago now. Well, I say he gave me a 'talk' but he didn't really say much, just let me watch while the Appletons' bull served the house cow, but..."

"No, no, no," Dean reassured him, "What I'm trying to say here, what I'm trying to tell you, is..."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," scowled Sam. "Bobby, when we went to visit Aphrodite, Dean had sex with her, she had his baby, and sent him to live with his father as a completely mortal human being, so this is Roverto Ioannes, or Robert John, he's six months old, nearly seven now, and he's my nephew, the son of Aphrodite and Dean."

Both Dean and Bobby blinked at him.

"This boy," Bobby began slowly, "This child... are you sayin' that... when we... and he... and she... and then... and now..."

"Uh, yeah," Dean confirmed. "I uh, I got a kid, Bobby. I'm a father. I'm a dad."

Bobby's mouth opened and shut a few times.

Then he let out a wheezing sound and collapsed to his knees, grabbing at his chest.

"Bobby!" shrieked Dean, putting RJ down as he dropped down beside his practically-father, "Bobby! What is it?"

Bobby just wheezed and gasped.

"OhGodohGodohGod," moaned Sam, fumbling for his cell, "I knew this would happen! You should've called ahead, Dean!"

"You shouldn't have just blurted it out like that!" yelped Dean.

"Well, you weren't gonna get to the point any time before Christmas!" Sam snapped.

Bobby let out another dreadful rasping croak.

"What is it Bobby?" Dean bent closer.

"Deeeeean," Bobby's breath rattled.

"Right here, Bobby," Dean assured him.

"Deeeeeean," Bobby repeated, his eyes rolling.

"I'm here Bobby, I gotcha," Dean tried to keep the tremor out of his voice, "What is it?"

Bobby drew a ragged breath, and pronounced:

"You're an idjit, Dean Winchester."

Sam and Dean stared at him.

"You're both idjits," he declared gruffly, getting up stiffly from the floor. "Next time one o' you goes and gets parentised, warn a body before you just show up."

Sam went from stunned confusion to pranked outrage first. "Jesus K. Reist, Bobby!" he yelped, "What are you trying to do, scare us the fuck to death?"

"You just knocked five years off my life, you old asshole," griped Dean.

"Serves you idjits right. You've given me enough almost heart attacks over the years. So," Bobby turned a beaming smile on the child on his kitchen floor, "This is RJ." He scooped the child up expertly, and RJ babbled happily at him, grabbing at his hat. "You really are your Daddy's get, aint ya?" he grinned as the boy cooed and smiled.

"Bobby, meet RJ," intoned Dean in a miffed tone, "RJ, this crazy old guy is your Uncl-… he's your Grandpa Bobby.

"You..." Sam began. "You knew already."

"Course I did," scoffed Bobby. "Ronnie told me. She knew you idjits wouldn't get your shit together to let me know, so a week after you left, she called me to give me a heads up."

"I'll kill her," growled Dean, "Right after I kill you."

"Yeah yeah, get in line, kid," Bobby grinned infuriatingly. "You'll have to hold off killing Ronnie for a little while, though. Dopey woman's got herself in whelp again.

"Again?" Sam sounded aghast.

"Uh-huh," Bobby nodded. "Unexpected, but they're both thrilled. Hoping for a girl, but they don't care, so long as it's healthy, got two eyes and two ears and four paws."

Sam let out a huff. "What is it with people?" he wondered out loud. "I mean, it's the twenty-first century. You want to avoid conception, it's not that difficult! And given the resurgence of STIs, barrier contraception is just the sensible thing to do for your own well-being!"

"Well, no form of contraceptive is one hundred percent foolproof, Sam," Bobby reminded him. "Even the Pill."

"Seriously, people need to take more responsibility," Sam declared. "Yeah, Dean, I'm looking at you."

"What?" Dean glared back. "Don't look at me!"

"If you can't keep it in your pants, you should at least be able to take precautions," Sam insisted. "She was a goddess, for fuck's sake!"

"Well, it's hardly my fault if Aphrodite had, I dunno, superhuman condom-confounding semen siphoning, or something, who the hell knows how a godess's works, uh, work…"

"DEAN!"

"Look, as fascinatin' as this topic is, there's something I think you might both want to see," Bobby interrupted, still jiggling RJ. "Or somebody you both might want to meet."

He headed for the living room, with the Winchesters in tow.

"You didn't say you had a visitor," Dean noted.

"Well, I'm tellin' you now," Bobby replied. "Although I know for a fact you've actually met this person before."

"We have?" mused Sam

"Oh yeah, you have," Bobby confirmed.

She was sitting on the sofa facing the door.

"Oh, hi, Kelly," Dean began, "What are you doing here?"

"Hi guys," she smiled, standing up awkwardly. "Well, it's kind of like this – Sam I need to tell you something…"

As soon as she was on her feet, her six-months-or-so bump became obvious.

Thankfully, since Bobby was still holding RJ, Dean was able to catch Sam as he fainted, and carefully manoeuvre him on the other sofa.

...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo...

"Here you go, bro," Dean pushed the mug of sweet tea into Sam's hands, "Bobby says it's good for what ails ya."

"Meeeeeep," went Sam.

"Look, I know it's a shock," Kelly told him, "It was a hell of a shock for me too, but…" she rested her hand over her bump. "I think it was meant to happen."

"Meeeeeep," went Sam.

"He's thrilled, really," Dean told her breezily, "He's just so thrilled, he can't speak."

"Bullshit," grinned Bobby, "He's bewildered, terrified, overwhelmed, and if his legs would hold him up at the moment, he'd be running around in circles flapping his hands up and down."

"I tried that," Kelly mentioned, "It didn't actually change anything, but I felt better afterwards, so give it a try if you have to."

"Meeeeeep," went Sam.

Kelly sighed. "Look," she started, "I was only here because I wanted to get a message to you, and I knew that Bobby would be able to contact you. I just thought you should know, Sam. I'm not gonna chase you through the courts for maintenance, I don't want to set up house and play Mommies and Daddies, this was my choice and I'm not gonna force it on you, but I thought you deserved to know about her. That's all…"

"Her?" Sam found his voice. "It's… it's a girl?"

"So the ultrasound tech tells me," she confirmed.

"If you're lucky, she'll get Sam's hair," Dean commented, "Any girl would want hair like that. Hear that, RJ?" he said to his son, "You're gonna have a little cousin!" RJ babbled happily and clapped his hands

"I'm… gonna be a dad," Sam's voice sounded distant. "I'm gonna have a daughter."

"It could be worse," Kelly's grin was just slightly evil, "It could be twins… oh!" she sucked in her breath sharply. "Little cow is kicking again," she huffed.

"She's kicking already?" asked Sam.

"For nearly two weeks, now," Kelly confirmed. "Here." She took hold of his hand, and rested it on her belly. "Any second now…"

Sam suddenly jumped as if he'd been stung. "It… she's kicking," he pronounced in wonderment.

"A soccer player, just like her daddy," smiled Dean, "Oh, boy, you are in for a rough ride, Kelly, Sam was a hell of a striker at school…"

"Thanks for that," she rolled her eyes at him. "Anyway, now you know, I'll be going…"

"What?" squawked Sam, "Already? I mean, you've just… I've just… I've only just met her… kind of…" His face assumed its most wistful puppy-dog expression.

"You aint goin' anywhere, Missy," declared Bobby, "You don't want to miss the baby shower!"

"Baby shower?" echoed Dean.

"Oh, yeah," Bobby went on, "I organised one for you. You got here just in time, it's tomorrow." He smiled indulgently as RJ leaned over, made a questioning noise, and grabbed at his hat. He put the cap on RJ's head, and the kid babbled in excitement.

"Oh, Bobby," whined Dean, "I don't wanna do a baby shower, that's a thing girls do. I hate the whole idea of a baby shower."

"Well, you don't have to be here," shrugged Bobby, "It'll mean more pie for the rest of us."

"Pie?" echoed Dean.

"Jody said she'd make a baby shower pie for you," Bobby informed him, "But I guess I can call her, tell her not to bother…"

"I love the whole idea of a baby shower!" trilled Dean with a beaming smile.

"Glad to hear it," Bobby smiled, "That means you can help clear the place up – you are hereby assigned to vacuum cleaner detail."

"I hate the whole idea of a baby shower," Dean griped.

"You get presents, dude," Sam reminded him, "That's what it's all about."

"I love the whole idea of a baby shower!" Dean nodded vigorously. "We both do, don't we, RJ?" His son gurgled contentedly, then removed the hat from his head and began to chew on the peak.

"Balls," muttered Bobby. "Oh, well, I got others. So, I'm guessin' that if you took this long to get here, you struck something along the way."

"Shtriga," Sam confirmed. The Winchesters related the story of their run-in with the Bonny Babies shtriga.

"So, we got a supermodel in the family, huh?" grinned Bobby.

"Oh, that reminds me," Sam said, "Before he left, Arjan gave me this. It's proofs of RJ's photos." He took the CD out of his jacket.

"Oh, er, thanks, Sam," muttered Dean, making a grab for the CD.

"Photos!" piped Kelly, "Hey let's have a look!"

"No, I really don't think…" Dean began.

"Huh, that much is obvious," humphed Bobby, "Come on, Sam, let's see this kid struttin' his stuff."

"They're only proofs," Dean protested.

"Dean," Bobby growled, "This boy here is practically my grandson, and I intend to wear out at least two cameras on him myself, so indulge a sad, lonely old man and show him pictures of his for-the-moment only grandchild."

Dean made another grab for the disk as Sam flipped the laptop open. "Come on, bro," he wheedled, "We just want to see how awesome your kid is."

"Look, I just wanna see what's there before…" Dean tried again.

"Dean, sit down, and shaddap," instructed Bobby. "Let there be pictures! Let there be adorableness! I have spoken! It's a grandpa thing."

The disk spun up, Sam clicked the slideshow icon, and they shuffled together on the sofa so that all of them could see. A picture of RJ sitting in a toy car, waving his wrench, popped onto the screen.

"Oh, God," breathed Kelly, "You could make money off this kid."

"Heh heh, look at that smile," beamed Bobby, "He's yours all right, Dean."

"He really is a photogenic kid, Dean," commented Sam, bringing up another one of RJ laughingly playing with some colourful blocks. "Oh, a company somewhere would pay big bucks to have that on the front of their formula pack."

"Okay, he's awesome, I could've told you that," Dean said briskly, "So now you've seen his awesomeness in action, you can give me the CD, Sam…"

"We're just gettin' started," Bobby declared, "Oh, look at that one!"

"My head may explode from the cute,' smiled Kelly.

"Oh, look at that smile!" said Sam. "Dean, you totally have to get back to Arjan, get him to do you a folio…"

There were pictures of RJ in the car, playing with toys, crawling, looking happy, looking poignant, looking contented, looking just plain adorable…

"Awww, I'd have one of them on my window sill!" giggled Kelly at the picture of RJ grinning cheekily at the camera over the rim of a large flower pot.

"Yeah, well, we've all had a look now," Dean cut in, "So…"

Sam clicked for the next image.

There was total silence.

"Oh. My. God," managed Kelly eventually.

"I… I…" stuttered Sam.

"God's tits, boy," smiled Bobby.

RJ sat in his flowerpot, beaming like the world's happiest little pink plant.

And in a giant flowerpot right next to him, a shirtless Dean beamed right back at his son.

The three of them burst into laughter.

"You assholes," muttered Dean, his face pinking.

"No, no, that's fantastic!" Kelly enthused. "That is the sort of photo that people frame and put on the wall!"

"She's right, bro," Sam grinned, "It's great!"

"I'm orderin' my A3 print right now," declared Bobby.

"Tonight you will all die in your sleep," Dean mumbled, as RJ joined in the general levity.

There was more. There was a picture of Dean and RJ with their dog-ears beanies on. One of them both playing with the blocks, RJ sitting between his father's knees and showing him the blue one. And one of RJ asleep on Dean's shoulder, while Dean watched him with the look of a doting father.

"Somewhere, a pharma company will want to put that one on a bottle of infant paracetamol," Bobby nodded.

By the time the slide show was finished, Bobby had demanded prints of a number of the pictures, and RJ was demanding his next feed.

"Time for somebody to eat," announced Dean, "Shut that thing off, Francis."

"Yeah, yeah," Sam suppressed a snort of laughter as Dean stalked out of the room with as much dignity as a man can when his son is whacking insistently at his arm and hooting for his bottle.

"Those pictures really are fantastic," Kelly commented. "I don't know why he got so defensive about them."

"It's a Dean thing," Sam shrugged, going back to the one of his brother and nephew gazing lovingly at each other from their flowerpots. "He hates being caught in what he calls 'chick-flick moments'. What he doesn't realise is that he does one every time he looks at his son."

"I think he'll make a great dad," Kelly stated, as her eyes slid up to Sam's. "What about you?"

"I know he will,' Sam replied, and she rolled her eyes.

"No, dopey, I mean, do you want to, you know, like I said, this was my choice, and I'll stay in touch of you want, but you don't have to…"

"Oh. Oh!" Sam figured out what she was trying to say. "I'd… yeah, I want to know her! I mean, if you don't mind. If it's okay." He felt suddenly tongue-tied. "I'd like to know my daughter," he finished.

"I think she'd like to know you, too," Kelly smiled.

"So, what were you going to name her?" he asked.

"Still not sure," she said, standing up and stretching, "I got an aunt who's angling for a namesake, but she's called Muriel, and I refuse to do that to a helpless child."

"Please don't name her after a piece of fruit," begged Sam. "Or a comic character."

"You got any ideas?" she asked, "She's half your fault, you know."

Sam paused. "I, uh, I've never really thought about it," he admitted, "I never thought I'd have kids… oh, God, I can't believe I'm gonna be a dad… I mean, I talked about it with Jess, but that was, wow, it feels like a lifetime ago… Uh, I think I need to sit down again…"

An unseasonable burst of sunshine broke through the cloudy November sky, so they went outside and sat on the porch to discuss names.

HAAAAALP! HAAAAAALP! I'm drowning in the shmoooooop! It's pulling me undeeeeerrrrr! Come on, somebody at least throw me a lifebuoy. I'm sure somebody will pull me out, because you all want an epilogue of the baby shower, don't you? Don't you?

Please do be careful offering Nathaniel the plot bunny flayrah (we have at least one fan of Richard Adams amongst the Denizens, I see) too overtly, or this might happen:

NyxRo: Look, Nathaniel! I have flayrah! Come and get it! *rattles bag enticingly*

Sam: Carrots lettuce YUMMY! *crash tackles NyxRo and runs off with salady goodies*

NyxRo: Did anybody get the registration of that sasquatch?

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