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storyline - "Air"

prompt - smoke

Alice and I had the same flight back to Oakland. We weren't sitting together, but the man sitting next to me didn't seem to mind switching with Alice. Having been up late the night before saying our goodbyes, we were both a little more exhausted than we'd have liked and ended up dozing on the plane.

The plane hit the runway, jarring me out of my half conscious sate. Instead of feeling refreshed I was even groggier. I elbowed Alice, rousing her as well. That girl could sleep through a war.

We texted Rose to let her know we'd landed and then caught BART to the Rockridge station, where she was finishing up a shift a local pizza joint. Hunger won out over sleepiness and we pigged out on spinach mushroom deep dish while filling Rose in on the latest. Ironically she'd spent quite a bit of time with both Edward and Jasper because of Emmett.

She seemed surprised when I brought up my upcoming talk with Edward, but not because she didn't agree with me.

"I've often thought that about him," she said, shrugging. "Not that I should talk. Em says getting me to express myself is like pulling teeth."

"How's that for a switch?" Alice laughed, grabbing another slice. "You're pretty chatty with us."

"Yeah, but that's you guys. Talking about feelings with my boyfriend is a whole different story. It makes me …I don't know. I hate being vulnerable like that."

"Emmett's great, though," I said softly, staring into my Coke.

"Which is why I talk to him at all," Rose sighed. "But you know how long that took."

I nodded. It had taken Emmett awhile to break Rose's barriers but once he had they'd become quite the duo. Rose had dealt with an abusive father at a young age, and though she'd gone to therapy and even volunteered with a local group for abused kids, she was still a tough nut to crack. She didn't trust people easily, most especially men. It didn't help that she was probably the prettiest I'd ever seen that wasn't a movie star or something; she was forever getting unwanted attention.

But the bottom line was that she knew what I was going through. She understood.

"Give him a chance to explain himself before getting all weepy," she smirked.

"I'm not going to get weepy!" I scowled, tossing down my napkin.

She arched her eyebrow as if to say oh really?

"Jeez. It's not like we're… we're breaking up or something. I just want to have a heart to heart."

"I know, but Edward's a hard-ass," Rose said.

Alice smacked her arm. "You're not helping. Bella, just say whatever it is you need to say. It'll be fine."

His phone rang so many times I thought for sure it would go to is voicemail, but it didn't.

"Hello."

"Hey… Edward. It's me. I'm back."

"I know," he chuckled. "You've been back; I was beginning to think you weren't going to call me."

It surprised me that he'd remembered what time my return flight was.

"Yeah… Alice and I met Rose to eat and then we caught a cab home."

"Cool, cool. So how are you? Glad to be back?"

"I am. Oakland definitely feels like home now," I said honestly.

"You ready for tomorrow?"

My stomach flip flopped. "Yep."

"Good. It's about a three and a half hour drive so we'll be by to pick you up around nine. We're taking the Navigator because it has extra seats," he said. "I think Jasper wants to go and if he goes you know he'll want to bring Alice."

"What Navigator? Whose is it?"

"Mine."

I frowned. "What?"

"It's mine but I usually let Riley drive it. The truck is more useful for my line of work, you know?"

"Makes sense. So I'll see you tomorrow then," I said, the now familiar feeling of disappointment flooding through me. Confused as I was, I'd still hoped to see him.

"I got a bunch of stuff to do before tomorrow. Let me know if there's anything you want me to grab before we leave, okay?"

"Okay."

"And Bella?"

"Hm?"

"I missed you."

Such small words, but it meant a lot to me. I swallowed back the lump in my throat, wishing I wasn't so emo at the moment. Maybe I was getting my period.

"Missed you too."

Not seeing Edward that night turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I was more exhausted than I'd thought and after unpacking, doing laundry and then packing again I passed out.

Alice woke me the next morning. "C'mon babe. It's already eight thirty."

"Crap. Didn't set my alarm," I mumbled struggling to sit up.

"I figured. Hurry, go shower." She was already dressed, her hair wrapped in a towel.

I hurried through my morning routine, and had just shoved the last of a granola bar into my mouth when the buzzer for the outside gate went off. Alice let the boys in.

I still had such a physical reaction to Edward. Seeing him this way suddenly reminded me of the first night we'd met, and how intimidated by his presence I'd been. He was so self-assured, so handsome. His eyes crinkled when he saw me and he crossed the room slowly, pulling me into a hug.

"Hey."

I wrapped my arms around his middle. "Hi."

We embraced for a second and then he leaned back, tilting my chin so he could kiss me.

My heart raced. I really, really loved him. I hoped he felt the same.

The ride up to South Lake Tahoe was pretty fun. Riley and his new girlfriend Vicki rode up front while the rest of us took the back. I'd never been to Lake Tahoe and I was captivated b the natural beauty. It was breath taking.

And cold. I was grateful for the winter wear Rose had lent me for the weekend. She was staying behind in the Bay, mostly because of her job and Emmett. I didn't doubt they'd make their own fun, though.

Edward and Riley had made reservations at a bed and breakfast called the Black Bear Inn. It was rustic and lovely luxurious, and everything I'd imagined Lake Tahoe would be. Several guest houses sat nestled amongst the deep green trees, smoke rising from their chimneys.

We checked in and separated to go to our rooms, agreeing to meet back in the Great Room in half an hour.

I was starting to get anxious again. Now that we were here I was going to have to figure out the best time to do this, to have this talk. I tried not to psyche myself out but it was hard.

Turns out, Edward had plans of his own. "C'mon, Bella. It's time to teach you how to ski."

Hours later Edward helped me limp back to our room.

My ass was sore and I was chilled to the bone. I was sure that I'd be black and blue when I stripped for a bath.

Still, my attempts at skiing had been fun and exhilarating. And Edward was really sexy on the slopes. I wanted to strip him down, too.

"You go first," he said, steering me toward the bathroom once our boots and outwear were off.

"Can't we go together?" I asked through chattering teeth.

Edward hesitated, and then nodded. He started the water while I got undressed. I was exhausted, but also aroused by the steam and hot water, and by Edward. We washed and kissed inside the tub but when I reached for him he twisted away.

I knew he probably just wanted to be comfortable – if his limbs were anything like mine after a day of skiing he probably had the shakes –but my lack of confidence concerning his true feelings just about boiled over. Biting my lip viciously, I blinked back tears and climbed out of the tub.

I dried off quickly, wanting to be out of the bathroom when Edward came out. He followed me into the bedroom, not bothering to fully dry off. Shivering, I tightened my towel and started fumbling with the fireplace, adding wood.

Edward came over and stoked it, his towel hanging off his hips, the water glistening atop his skin.

Out of nowhere I started trembling, so bad I could hardly stand it. He glanced up at me, his mouth open like he was going to say something. He shut it when he saw me. And frowned.

"Bella?"

I backed toward the bed and sat down.

"I have to talk to you," I said, in a voice much smaller than I'd meant to have.

"That doesn't sound too good," he said, laughing uneasily. He came and sat next to me but I scooted back a little, needing some space if I was going to get this out.

Why was I so nervous? We'd been dating for months!

"I … thought a lot while I was gone," I began, unable to look at his face. If I did, I'd either lose my nerve or start crying again. "I realized some things."

He stayed silent; I guess waiting for me to continue.

I picked at the duvet, willing my shakiness to go away. "I need to know what I am to you."

He took a while to answer. "What are you really asking me, Bella?"

"I'm asking what I mean to you. Because I know what you mean to me, but you're incredibly hard to read. Sometimes I feel like you're one of the people I'm closest to but then other times it's like… it's like you're someplace else."

He brought his eyes to mine. So pretty. So green.

"You scare me, Edward."

"Why?"

"Because I love you, and I don't know if you love me." I looked down again, not wanting him to see my tears. The last thing I needed was to be involuntarily manipulative, a crying girl begging for affirmation.

He got up and for a second I thought he was going to leave, like get dressed and just go somewhere else. But he didn't. He drew the curtains so it was a little darker, gazing outside as he did so.

"You don't have to be afraid, Bella," he murmured, coming back to me. "I care about you, a lot. I always have. You caught me by surprise, how fast you became part of my life." He scrubbed his hands over his face. "I'm just… not that guy. I don't know who you want me to be."

He wasn't being sarcastic or cruel, just achingly honest.

My pulse finally started to even out a little. I wiped the back of my hands across my eyes.

"I want you to be you," I said.

His warm hands were on me then. He pulled me up off the bed and took both my towel and his and dropped them on the floor. Then he led me around to the side and peeled the covers back and brought me inside the warmth.

I let him kiss me, my love and need for him almost overwhelming, even though questions and thoughts were racing through my brain. He nudged my legs apart and started to slide against me.

"Do you?" I whispered, and his face was blurry.

"Yes," he said, his mouth at my ear. "I do. I love you."