I kissed my knuckles with two necklaces dangling from them precariously. You could say this church is my refuge from my own inner demons. True, I still fight myself endlessly outside these walls, but just to have a moment's peace on this hallowed ground means the world to me. If only to listen to the world turning around me, going on with their own agenda while I sit on my knees in a church pew just completely in awe of how beautiful it all is. If I don't take this moment, I might as well dive into the den of snakes, for surely my mind will be lost to the hatred that can so easily consume me.
The silver cross is for the purity of spirit that I have lost but still wish to retain, and the golden cross is for the knowledge that worldly possessions will not mean a thing when my time comes. Both of these crosses together means I find wealth in purity. If I could find such a thing in this world, surely then I would be satisfied. Yet, I know that humans are imperfect, therefore impure. The closest I've come to finding a pure soul is that of a newborn babe.
I sighed against my knuckles, my very breath a ghost of a whispering prayer in the desolate church. The pews were dusty, the candles layered in cobwebs, and the windows tinted in the tired prayers lost on so many before me. For the first time in so very long, I felt as if I could pour out my very soul to the world. I needn't keep these barriers up in this holy place, yet still I hold my tongue. What right have I to speak in such an informal way to a being whose very existence is based on his purity and unconditional love? But if God does know all, then what good would it do to speak formally when a being as old as time has seen all formats of formality? Would the point be lost if the prayer were put in a formal setting? Could I not simply ask Father, and he would answer me?
Leaning back on the pews, I coughed gently when a bit of dust flew up into the air. All sins are forgiven, huh? Maybe if I could stop beating myself up, then I could allow myself to be forgiven. I chuckled lowly to myself. Yeah, that'd be good. A bit of forgiveness every once in awhile never hurt anyone. Unless you ask the countless men and women I slaughtered while playing judge, jury and executioner in Baltimore. Oh, now that I think about it, I didn't just keep my reign of terror in Balty, did I? That's awkward. I did try to keep it within a general region, but then a few targets decided to go abroad.
Excuses, excuses. I could have stopped after taking them out, but I continued on through Europe, then Asia. I traveled to Hawaii, but there wasn't any trouble there, so I came back to the states. Imagine my surprise when I arrived in California. I think it took me a good two years to get back to Baltimore. That's only because I went cross-country, picking off the occasional corrupt soul here and there. I can't even repent for all of the souls I've taken from this world- I've long since lost count.
Maybe if I go back to Baltimore and apologize to those that were left behind… Maybe then I'll find some sort of peace.
888
I hitched a ride with the RED bushman, not that he would have noticed me in the back, anyways. He is much too busy fussing about things that could've happened to his 'little vixen'. I rolled my eyes. If I have to listen to his panicked mumbling for another half-hour, I'm going to kill him and drive to the church by myself. It's as if he hasn't been on the field this entire time. Schro can take care of herself, you idiotic jarman! I wanted to scream at him, but I do need to talk to Schrodinger and I can't risk my losing the opportunity to figure this mess out.
I felt the car lurch to a stop. Sniper threw his door open and practically flew out of it. It slammed shut, leaving me with a slight ringing in my ears. Better late than never, I might as well wait a few seconds before going in. After all, we are out of range of the respawn system. It's not as if I'm heartless and letting Schrodinger deal with the psycho by herself, it's just that I think it'd be best if they talk first. Maybe seeing her unharmed will calm him down a bit.
After a good minute or two, I gingerly opened the car door and stepped out onto the gravel. The church itself looks to be abandoned, but I could hear voices coming from inside. With a tinge of guilt, I sped towards the door of the church. I was not prepared for what I was to find when I opened it.
888
My heart was pounding in my ears. All I could think the whole way here was, Please don't be dead, or hurt, or gone. Schro, you need ta be alright! The second I was parked in front of the church, I lunged out of the car and sprinted for the door. I pushed it open and rushed in, my breath leaving me as I took in the sight before my eyes.
Light was streaming down from one of the colored glass windows into the pews where Schro was kneeling in prayer. She looks so at peace. I smiled warmly that all of my worrying had been for nothing and that she's perfectly fine. She looks more than fine, she looks like being in this church is a bloody relief on her soul. I took a couple of steps closer to her before her ears perked up. She turned her head to me and smiled in recognition. I felt my heart skip a few beats before I kept heading to her.
"Ya didn't tell anyone where you were at, Schro. I'm glad yer safe, but ya had me worried." She looked down to the pair of crosses in her hand and nodded.
"I'm sorry to have worried you, but I needed to get away. I think this job is messing with me." A cold chill ran down my spine.
"Yer not thinking of leavin', are ya?" My voice came out weaker than I had hoped. I wanted to be strong for her, not cry like a bloody child at the mention of her absence. But then she nodded and I felt every ounce of blood in my body run like ice.
"My friends back home are probably wondering where I'm at. Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of not telling people where I'm at or where I'm going. Besides, I just kind of stumbled onto this place. It's not like I planned to stay here long." I sat down next to her, my head swimming with information. I wanted to plead with her not to go, but the words wouldn't come out. Instead, I said, "But you're workin' for the Administrator. Ya really think she'll let ya skip town like that?" The more I thought about it, the more I worried for her.
"I was hired as a neutral party anyways. I was just here to spice things up. She won't complain if I leave. Besides, I didn't really sign the contract with my given name, so she can't take me to court. As for any hitmen she sends my way, I'm pretty sure I can handle them." I didn't know what to say. Too many emotions were welling up inside of me. Emotions that I had tried to keep locked away for years. So I did the only thing that made sense. I wrapped my arms around her and held her in a hug, trying to convey the hurricane of emotions so that she wouldn't leave me alone. She's the only thing that's kept me from going completely postal again. With her gone…
I squeezed my eyes tight at the thought. It hurts too much to think about you being gone, Schro, I wish you'd never mentioned the possibility of you leaving. I squeezed her tighter. But even through all of this pain, I still don't regret meeting you. You were a bright light in my dull wasteland. You beckoned to me, and I followed. I'd do this all again if given the chance. Maybe the second time around, I could convince you to stay.
"So… you're not mad I skewered you yesterday?" I chuckled sadly, "If it meant you could stay, I'd be skewered a dozen more times, Schro." She felt so warm with her arms wrapped around me.
The door to the church creaked open, but I ignored it in favor of burning this moment into my memories.
888
I didn't expect them to be hugging each other. Holding a knife at each other's throats, yes. But hugging? I took a few cautious steps forward, wary of the situation I had walked in on. Sniper seems to know I'm here, but he's purposely ignoring me. I can't tell with Schrodinger. That fact alone should've bothered me more than it did.
I decided against just lurking in the shadows and waiting for the moment to pass, "Glad to see you're safe, mon ami." I said the last part through half-gritted teeth. They separated from their embrace and I took notice of Sniper's bleary eyes. Even through his glasses, I've never seen him so distraught. Granted, I haven't had many chances, being that most of the times we saw each other, the encounter ended in one of our deaths.
Schrodinger smiled sadly at me and I knew something was horribly wrong. I went to the pew behind them and sat down, "What did I miss?"
"Well, I've decided to quit and move back home, for starters." My eyes widened in shock. She just got here not too long ago! How anxious can a person get? She has a job, friends, Hell, she even has a mansion to herself! What more could she want?
"When?" I ask instead. I hold in all other questions for fear that they'll simply ruin the time I have left with her.
"Probably in less than an hour," I noticed Sniper's face pale, but she went on, "I hope you both don't mind sending my regards to the other members of RED and BLU…?"
"Crikey, you really know how ta spring a surprise on someone." Sniper clutched the brim of his black hat as if it would hold back the tears. I felt a sudden pang of sympathy for him, even after all of the Hell he's put me through.
"I know this is sudden, and I'm sorry, but I have to go home and make sure my friends are alright." I nodded in understanding, but Sniper was looking down at the floor with a petulant air.
"I don't see why ya can't come back after yer done checkin' in with yer friends. It's not like ya can't just put in fer a holiday and come back to work once ya see everything's all fine and dandy." Schrodinger quirked her eyebrow at him. Frankly, I'm surprised at his attitude as well, but for different reasons than Schrodinger. I've never known him to get attached to people. In all of the files I read on him, he seemed like the loner type with a bad history of violence.
"Snipes, there's a whole other war going on where I'm from. They need me to help out."
"And where are ya from? Ya never did tell us, did ya?" She sighed in resignation.
"I'm not from Baltimore, but it's where I'm going. My friends live there and I've learned the hard way that not being there for someone can be catastrophic." Her eyes seemed to be pleading with him not to push the subject any further. He turned away and grumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "Ya better remember ta write."
Had this been any other situation with any other person, I would've found it hilarious. Now, I'm finding it hard to let Schro go myself. Yes, she did deceive me, but it's not like everyone knew about her supposed disorder. As far as I can tell, I was the only one who got a letter. But that brings another question to the surface: why? Why go through all of the trouble to convince just one person of an imagined disorder? Wouldn't it be easier to just be yourself? I paused in my thinking. That's rich, coming from me.
"I should probably get going." Schrodinger stood calmly, but Sniper bolted up as if lightning had struck him. "Listen, I want both of you to have these," She handed me the silver cross and gave the golden cross to Sniper, "They're very important to me. You'll keep 'em safe, won't you?" We both nodded. She smiled and punched Snipes lightly on the arm. "Stop acting like I'm on my death bed, would ya?" He attempted a smirk for her sake.
"It's not like yer gettin' any younger." She scrunched up her nose and gave him another punch, which had him chuckling softly. I smiled that the tense atmosphere had lifted. Looking down at the silver cross, I turned it over in my hand. It doesn't seem to be anything special, yet I feel it pulsing in my hand, as if it's a living being. I noticed Schrodinger leaving for the door after giving Sniper another quick hug and waving goodbye to me.
"Wait!" I hurried over to her. "I still have so many questions for you-" She turned to me with a smile that softened my haste. She made me feel at ease with a glance.
"In the end, what does it even matter? Whether I did this for one reason or that for another, in the end, the result remains the same. You'll drive yourself insane if you try to read into everything so much." She patted me on the shoulder. "I suggest you forget about anything I've done in the past or any possible reason I might have done them, because my past doesn't define who I am. I redefine myself daily. If you want to accept that as the reason I gave you the letter, go ahead. All I will say is that even though I deceived you, I'm glad you didn't treat me as so many others have in the past; they treated me like a victim. I find it encouraging when I meet someone who refuses to treat anyone like a victim. Thank you, Spy." She squeezed my arm quick before turning and leaving through the church doors. I stood there with my mouth hanging open. Did she rehearse that speech?
I was shaken out of my daze when I realized that she was probably going to use the portal system to go back home. Jogging outside, I was just in time to see the portal closing in on itself. I glanced back at Sniper, who was staring glassy eyed at the space Schrodinger had just left in. Poor bastard probably doesn't even know what the Hell just happened. I stood beside him and lit up a cigarette. I took a drag before speaking, "What are we going to tell zhe others?"
"I'm gonna tell tha RED's that she went on vacation. You do what you want." He growled at me. I raised an eyebrow at his immaturity.
"And what will you say after zhe vacation extends past a week? Two weeks? A month?" He spit into the gravel.
"I'll tell 'em she took an extended vacation. Y'alright with that, ya piker?" I shook my head.
"Non, seeing as it is not very likely she'll be back-" I felt the full brunt of his punch on the side of my face. I gritted my teeth in frustration, but continued, "we should tell zhem she-" He grabbed my throat and squeezed.
"Don't you bloody say it. I'll kill you right here if ya do." I gulped, but seeing how my options were limited, I had to.
"We 'ave to tell zhem she died." Several emotions flickered through his eyes before settling on a blank stare.
"Ya think I don't know that?" He said after an eternity. I could see so much pain in those eyes, but he was trying so hard to mask it. He let go of me, turning away to calm down, "If you were anyone else, I woulda gutted ya like tha bloomin' piker you are, but for whatever reason, Schro entrusted ya with one of her crosses." I glanced down at it, then back up at him. "Don't think she'd be very happy if I killed tha keeper of one of her prized possessions." He grimaced at the thought.
"Does zhis mean we are allies?" He snorted.
"Only when we're off tha field, or when anythin' regardin' Schro comes up. Other than that, I'm not lettin' up on ya." I nodded in agreement.
"Oui, zhat's best for zhe both of us." I let a beat skip before starting in on what I really wanted to know, "So, can I ride in zhe back of your truck on zhe way back to zhe base?"
"Ya got two feet, don't ya? Walk." He climbed into the vehicle and left me at the church without another word.
"Merde."
Author's Note - So I know this chapter was rushed, but hopefully it's up-to-par. And oooh, but the plot twists! I dig them. I'm not sure when I'll get the next chapter up, but there is more to the story. I have been working on another story on the side, so maybe I'll get one of the chapters for that story up while I'm in between these chapters. The other story is completely unrelated to this series, I just wrote it when I was bored. And, surprise, surprise, the main characters are the RED Sniper, RED Pyro, RED Spy, and BLU Spy. I enjoy writing stories with them in it, even if they are a bit mainstream.
"Author…"
"Yes, Eau?"
"Is it alright? Letting your main character leave like zhis?"
"It's not like I have a choice. She does what she wants."
"You're zhe Author, you can write zhese stories however you want."
"Eau, when I get inspiration to write these stories, Schrodinger always ends up doing something completely different than originally planned, so I've stopped trying to steer her in any direction. I just have to work with the mercenaries to make sure what they do makes sense with what Schro is doing. It's exhausting."
"I know, I've been 'ere zhis entire time. What I don't understand is, why don't you ask Schro to follow zhe script?"
"Like I said, I've tried in the past. She's her own person."
Really, I have tried, but her character is so fluid that everytime I go to type this story up, her character changes in dynamics. That's one of the reasons why I love writing OC stories, because it leaves so much room for development in an Author and I can always go back and see what I did right or wrong throughout the story. Room for improvement, you could say.
"Author?"
"Yes?"
"Because Schrodinger is gone, does zhat mean you're leaving soon as well?"
"I might stay in this mansion while I'm typing up the other story, why?"
"I would love it if you'd stay, mon ami."
"Well then, I might just stay."
I'll probably add a couple of tidbits in the Author's Notes about how Eau and I are doing in the other story, but I'm thinking of calling it 'Will To Abstain'. Anyways, see you in the next chapter!