Lacunar
26. Reminisce
Bella sat on the unimaginative quilt, hearing the bed springs groan from its lack of use. She looked around the dusty place. She wondered if Edward had been here when he'd left in an angry hurry. A stinging bitterness crawled up her nose as she held back a sob, clamping a hand over her mouth in order to silence her treacherous sniffles. The onslaught of emotional recollections offered her no mercy.
She'd never felt so lost.
For months, it'd felt like the coexistence of two strangers.
It seemed as if they were ghosts who knew each other's secrets but had run out of breath to tell the tale.
"He'll come around, Bella," Jasper had told her as he stirred the soup.
"I just want my husband back," Bella had cried, looking at him for help.
Every time an insecurity poisoned her health, Jasper would nurse her back. He'd tell her that it wasn't because she was unattractive or inattentive. He'd tell her that it wasn't because she was a determined wife or a focused teacher.
He'd simply state that her husband was a fool.
As Bella's phone always rang- exactly on the dot- she'd look apologetically at Jasper as she picked up the call.
"I have to go home now," Bella would say. "I'm sorry."
Often, Jasper looked at her, smiling understandingly before he'd walk her out. She'd drive back to her house and greet her husband as if nothing had happened. He always called to ask if she would make it for dinner and strangely enough, she was compelled to never miss a meal with him, even when Jasper sat alone at his own dinner table, wishing for her hasty departures to never occur.
She couldn't understand why her husband struggled to find words to say when she was in his company, as if he was disgusted by her wicked presence. Yet he called her every day, to ask about their dinner plans. Bella knew it was the hope inside her chest- for a better tomorrow- that would always lead her back to her Edward's heart.
Every night, she wished dinner would play out differently.
They used to snuggle up together as they fed each other food.
They used to hold each other's hands, over the table top, while they ate.
After dinner, they'd sit in the living room to read. Occasionally, the couch would groan with frustration at the couple's eagerness to have each other. Making love had to be their all-time favorite thing to do.
As Bella tried to shake her thoughts away from the past, she grew cold. She missed the radiating happiness she was showered in, once. Staring into the empty, motel room, she deliberated if this was what her life had come to.
Was this the end?
Would the divorce papers follow?
A teardrop slipped down her chin and onto her hand, making her look at the ring that she still wore. She remembered the touch of his fingers as he slid it on. She remembered the cheers from the crowd. She remembered the way he looked at her as she blushed from behind her veil. They'd kissed for so long that people started to groan impatiently.
It was her happiest memory.
And her greatest accomplishment.
She remembered thinking of building her dream house as she watched the night lights fly by her car window. Edward held her hand as they were driven to the airport, embarking on a new chapter of their married life- the honeymoon.
Then, the house came. The decorating followed quickly. Traveling across continents took up their spare time as the photographs multiplied and the smiles doubled. They both worked healthy hours and spent weekends together- doing nothing but loving.
But suddenly, things just started to go haywire. One thing after another, effort began vanish and cooperation disappeared without a trace. The road they'd been journeying on seemed to suddenly split apart- forming a fork- with a boulder in between.
He said.
She said.
There were no more 'we' and 'us' in sentences and in stories.
Whilst Edward found comfort in his work, Bella found comfort in another. But even though their hard facades managed to exceed their mutual hesitancy around each other, they never stopped wanting and they never stopped dreaming.
For a better tomorrow.
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