Warning: This experimental chapter is brought to you in fabulous Ulquiorra-Vision! Meaning, it's in his point of view, and writing in his point of view makes me nervous.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, the song "Over Thinking" by Relient K, or any other copyrighted material.

Tell Yourself

By: Princess Kitty1

Over Thinking

"I was thinking, over thinking,

about exactly how I'm not exactly him.

I'll break my heart in two more times than you could ever do,

'cause you're my dream, please come true."

Shinigami, you do not know how good you have it.

Because you do not know, I cannot act on this childish human impulse to resent you. It would be a waste of time and energy. Pettiness at its finest. I will not lower myself to that.

I have been in this world of color, of noise, of changing seasons, long enough to have gotten a better grip on my emotions. Whereas in the beginning I was overwhelmed by the smallest sentiment, I am now becoming closer to what I used to be: composed, controlled, dominant over these erratic thoughts and unexplainable whims.

And yet, I find myself caring about useless things from time to time. For example, the well being of this device that the woman has given me to "nurture" (her words). I do not have to waste my time with it. The woman is no one who can force me to do that which I do not want to.

However, there are underlying reasons for my compliance with this task: a motivation to prove my worth in this weakened state, in a world where no one needs me; and, of course, a determination to keep from troubling the woman more than necessary. I can take care of myself. She has enough to worry about.

Strangely, Shinigami, this includes you.

I thought that I would be able to understand the heart better once I had attained one, but this is not the case. The heart of every human being is different. That which drives them, the things that they live for, what compels them to leave their beds every morning and continue to exist… they are as unique as their fingerprints.

The woman's heart, as well. It yearns to make a connection with yours. She follows your retreating back, even if she stumbles, even if she is hurt along the way.

Why?

What are you, Shinigami, that you can influence her so profoundly? How is someone like you able to eclipse her light, and why must I reside in your shadow?

It would seem that this year of observation has not been sufficient in finding an answer. The mystery remains, and is destined to linger, for I am certain that if I were to ask the woman directly, she would not be able to respond.

Ah, here is the anger again.

Are you blind to it, Shinigami? How can you be? She has offered you her heart. She has pressed it into your palm. Do you not feel it before it slips from your careless fingers? Do you not hear it break a little more every time it hits the ground?

Oh, but I suppose that you are not to blame. You already hold the heart of another, and hearts are such heavy burdens; I cannot imagine weak human bodies being able to carry two.

This little piece that I have been given to keep was powerful enough to change my entire being. It has become a part of me. It holds me together. Perhaps this is why I am so in tune with its pain. A strange notion, but a true one, nonetheless. Another element of the heart that the textbooks neglect to mention.

Could the desire to ease that hurt be considered a selfish one?

Is it wrong of me to want to fix a mistake that cannot even be called yours?

In the past, I would have been able to blame her. How easy it would have been for my hollow self to point a finger at her and say that she is the cause of her own suffering.

A rational response to a situation that does not call for it. How foolish I would be to think that the human heart is something that can be pinned down and dissected.

It is unpredictable, unexplainable. Its behaviors cannot be compiled and listed for intelligence's sake.

And because I know this now, I cannot say that the woman is at fault. If I did, this world could call me out on my hypocrisy, for I do not blame myself for my suffering.

…

Being human is the most difficult mission that I have ever faced. Quite strangely, there are humans out there who would probably agree with me.

But I do not share these thoughts with the woman. They would doubtlessly trouble her, and I have already expressed my determination to keep from doing that. In the mean time, I will do what I can – what you cannot, Shinigami. Even if it is impossible, I will continue to work to understand her decisions, as well as my own.

Perhaps, if I can find the answers to these questions, if I can crack this unsolvable human mystery…

I will be able to quell the pain in this heart that whispers her name with every beat.

/TBC/