A/N: This chapter is longer. I want to thank everyone who has been reviewing, following and putting my story on their favorite list. It means so much to me. I couldn't do this without any of you! I hope you all like this chapter!

Special thanks to spyagent001, Jotchprossi18, samcarter1980, ncis4ever21 and MollyR!

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I don't own criminal minds.

Chapter 26: Another tragedy

Twelve days later…

The team was sitting on the plane. They were all traveling to Kansas to testify at Walters' trial. The entire team knew that it was going to be a hard period for JJ because she had and her mom were they key witnesses. JJ hadn't seen her mom since the interview when they were working on her father's case. Matthew Porter informed JJ that he told her mother this morning who she was and that she was also going to testify at the trial. JJ didn't know what she was going to say when she was confronted with her mother again.

JJ was sitting in a secluded spot on the plane and she was glancing at Hotch. She saw that he was looking through the case files. JJ had barely talked to him anymore since they talked at Emily's apartment. They only talked about cases and whenever he tried to take a personal turn she would turn the conversation back because she didn't want to talk about it anymore. JJ still had the same feelings for him and she knew it would never disappear because she still loved him and she knew it would take time to get over him. For now she needed to concentrate on the trial that was starting early in the morning the next day. JJ decided to be present at the entire trial. She knew that her mother had to testify around 9 am and JJ was going to be questioned after her. She was feeling nervous about seeing her mother. A part of her wanted to get to know her but there was also a part of her that wanted to yell at her for leaving her when she was still little. JJ was pulled from her thoughts when Hotch suddenly met her gaze and she saw his eyes darkening. They held their gazes for what seemed like ages and JJ felt herself become calmer in a way. No matter what he did, he still had the effect on her. He was the one that made her feel safe and loved. As JJ was thinking about her relationship with Hotch she also thought about how it ended. Her mind went to her confrontation with Will.

Flashback – Second day in DC

JJ jumped from her car. She just left Emily's place to pick up Henry from Will. JJ knew she could almost kill Will for what he had done but a part of her knew she had to keep herself together. She still couldn't believe that he was out to get back at JJ by informing Strauss about her relationship with her boss.

JJ slammed her hand on the door several times and she heard footsteps on the other side of the door. The door opened and Will looked at her with smile.

''Get that smile of your face asshole!'' JJ yelled.

''JJ?'' Will asked.

''Don't act like you don't know what is going on. I can't believe you. Were you really so jealous of Hotch? We are over Will. There will never be an us again. I will never come back to you. I was miserable with you. You were changing me and when I finally find someone else you have the audacity to ruin it. How could you?'' JJ yelled and she was already storming into the apartment to grab Henry's stuff and she only needed to get Henry before she could leave.

''JJ, calm down!'' Will pleaded.

''No! No! What do you want from me? Do you really want me to be so miserable? Do you want to make my life harder for me? Your method really worked Will. I am broken okay. I am done. Thank you'' JJ said and halfway through the sentence she dropped to the couch and the tears were streaming down her face and her voice changed into a soft tone instead of angry.

''JJ, what is going on?'' Will asked with worry. He knew what he did was wrong but he thought that he was protecting JJ. He was jealous of Hotch and he wasn't going to deny it but he wanted JJ to be happy no matter what.

''Hotch and I are over. It is done. You got what you wanted!'' JJ said with the tears streaming down her face.

''I thought he was using you JJ. I thought it wasn't mutual. I am so sorry''

''It is too late for an apology. I have heard sorry so many times in the last twenty-four hours that I don't know the meaning of the word anymore'' JJ said and Will stayed silent.

''I am taking Henry. I wanted to let you know that I am bringing him to my parents in twelve days because I have to be in Kansas for a trial that is important. I will see you Will'' JJ continued and she made her way into Henry's room. She picked him up and put a kiss on his forehead. JJ didn't say anything to Will and she just left, feeling worse than ever.

She hadn't seen or heard from Will in the last twelve days. She drove Henry down to her parents yesterday and she arrived at the airstrip in time to catch the plane with the team. The team had only been flying for an hour and it was only 8 am. Matthew asked them to come in earlier so they could look through the last details. JJ knew that the trial could have a really bad outcome for her dad because he could get the death penalty and she knew that chance was very likely. She just couldn't think about it because she didn't know how she felt about her own father anymore. She wanted to hate him but she somehow couldn't.

JJ was pulled from her thoughts again when Morgan sat down in front of her. JJ gave him a small smile but she adverted her eyes from him when he kept looking at her. JJ suddenly felt really uncomfortable.

''What?'' JJ asked.

''Are you going to keep staring at him?'' Derek asked bluntly.

''What?''

''Come on JJ. You know what I mean. I can see it. The two of you need to do something about what is going on'' Derek said.

''Derek stop! This is none of your business'' JJ said angrily.

''JJ, he wants you. You are so lucky. The two of you are so perfect for each other. It just fits and when I look at the two of you I can see it''

''Derek, I am asking you to stop. This doesn't concern you'' JJ said again and time her voice was so loud that the rest of the team could hear it and she saw their faces looking at her.

''I am sorry'' Derek apologized.

''It's okay. Just don't go there. I can't talk about it because it hurts too much Derek. I know you are concerned but please let me be'' JJ said softly and Derek grabbed her hand and he softly squeezed it.

''You are going to be fine princess. You are strong and you will knock them dead on that stand tomorrow'' Derek said encouragingly.

''Thanks'' JJ said and she leaned back into her chair.

The rest of the flight JJ kept sitting across from Derek and the subject about Hotch didn't come along again. At the end JJ was also able to get some sleep before they were landing. After they landed the team went straight to the DA's office. They team was there for two hours and JJ had to stay after they left. She went through all the questions and Matthew was proud of her. In the time that JJ had come to know him, he became a dear friend to her. He listened to her and she listened to him. He was kind and honest and he helped JJ deal with everything.

JJ was walking through the hallway of the hotel. She walked around the corner when she suddenly collided with a hard chest. She looked up and she saw that she bumped into Hotch.

''I am sorry'' JJ said quickly and she wanted to walk further but Hotch suddenly grabbed her arm and he pulled her back.

''Are you okay?'' he asked.

''No not really but I think you already knew that'' JJ said harshly.

''JJ'' Hotch said with his voice full of longing.

''No, don't. Please don't!'' JJ pleaded because she knew she would give into temptation if he would get to close to her. JJ took a few steps back.

''I will see you tomorrow, Hotch. Sleep well'' JJ said and she left him standing in the hallway.

JJ opened the door to the hotel and she was welcomed by Emily and Penelope. They had decided to get a room with double beds. All the guys had rooms for themselves but the girls wanted to sleep together. The trial was going to take at least two weeks. The team only had to be there the first week but they decided to stay there to support JJ.

JJ walked inside the room and she saw that they were already making it their home. Penelope had put her colorful stuff in all the corners and Emily had a collection of clothes spread out on one of the beds.

The rest of the day went by rather quickly and they all went to bed early because they had to be up really early. JJ wasn't able to close and eye. She had a bad feeling that she couldn't shake and she couldn't help but think that something could do terribly wrong tomorrow.

The next morning…

JJ was woken up by the alarm the next morning. She climbed from the bed and went straight into the bathroom to take a shower. After her shower she came back into the room and she saw that Emily and Penelope were still asleep. She quickly changed into her clothes for the trial and she grabbed her purse and she went outside to get some fresh air. She walked through the hallways and she finally felt the pressure and the nervous inside of her. She decided to get some breakfast and go back up to the room after she was done.

JJ didn't go back up but the team came down and they all ate breakfast together. JJ stayed quiet the entire time. She still had a bad feeling and it didn't become any less when she was sitting in one of the SUV's on the way to the courthouse. When they pulled up they saw a lot of reporters and people gathered around the entrance. JJ knew the trial was closed off for outsiders but it still didn't make her feel better. They squirmed themselves through the crowd and when they were finally inside they were greeted by a nervous Matthew.

''What is it Matthew?'' JJ asked.

''I need to talk to you in private JJ'' he said and JJ followed him to the other side building.

''What?'' JJ asked with worry when he turned to face her and she saw regret and nerves in his eyes.

''Susan dropped off a letter with a note at my office. The note said that she couldn't testify and that she left. She told us to give the letter to you'' Matthew said and he handed JJ the letter.

Both Matthew and JJ didn't notice the defense attorney behind them.

''What does this mean for the case?'' JJ asked.

''It means we have less ammunition to bring Clark down. Your mother's testimony wasn't much but she could put emotion into play really well. I need you to take her spot. We will start in five minutes'' Matthew said and he walked away from JJ.

JJ felt her knees go weak and she leaned against the wall. She held the letter in her hands and she just looked at it. She decided to read it after her testimony because it could only make her more nervous and she didn't need that. The next five minutes she kept pacing through the building.

When the courtroom finally opened, she sat down next to her team while they listened to the opening statements. JJ was waiting for the official line to drop that meant she had to face the jurors and the defense attorney.

''The prosecution calls Jennifer Jareau to the stand'' Matthew said.

JJ rose and she made her way to the stand and she sat down. She saw that Matthew was about to start when the defense attorney interrupted him.

''I would like to know why Susan Dunn isn't testifying, your honor'' the attorney said with a smirk.

''Objection!'' Matthew said.

''He is right Mr. Porter. Where is Susan Dunn, she was supposed to be here'' the judge said.

''It is probably in the letter that she wrote to her daughter. The daughter who is also the daughter of the defendant'' the attorney said.

''I would like Ms. Jareau to read the letter to us'' the judge said.

''Of course, your honor'' Matthew said and he got the letter from Emily and he brought it over to JJ.

JJ started to shiver when the envelope was in her hands. She tore it open and she pulled out a letter and she started reading.

''To my dearest daughter,

I have made terrible mistakes in my life, mistakes I wish I could change but I can't. I know how much pain this will cause you but never forget how much I love you.

I know you think that I packed up and left when you were seven but it's not the truth. I also know that you loved and adored your father so much. I did to, but as I had gotten to know him over the years I found out things that shook my world. Things I wish I never knew. I followed your father one night and I watched as he was about to force himself on a young girl. I interrupted him and I told him I wanted an explanation. That was the first night when I met the real Clark Walters. Not the sweet and hopeless romantic but the cold and lifeless monster we know now. He beat me up that night and threatened to kill you if I would tell anyone what I had seen. I listened to him, I obeyed and I kept living a lie. This happened a year before I left. When I thought everything was going well again I knew that he was doing it again. I decided to leave him and take you with me. I wanted a different life for you. You deserved more than a father who was nothing. I dragged you out of your bed one night and told you we were going on vacation without your father. He caught me. He threw me down the stairs and he told you that it was an accident. A month later, I left. I couldn't take you with me because he wouldn't let me. I thought he would never hurt you. I know now, how wrong I was. I should have done more to fight for you. I should have stepped up to be a real mother and I should have given you a real chance in life.

Even though I didn't kill all those women, I know I have to take part of the responsibility on me. I knew what he was doing. I should have done right by you but instead I decided to hide and to act like I was all alone in the world. And I am so sorry for not doing the right thing when I could have done it.

I looked for you after he was arrested. I went to all the foster care agencies. I went from one adoption agency to the next. I was never able to find you. I guess, I couldn't because you changed your name. I of course don't blame you for that. I could never blame you for anything. You were a victim of your father as well, JJ and for that I am truly sorry. I don't know what happened to you but whatever did happen I wished I could have been in your place instead. I should have never left you. I could have stayed but I chose to be a true coward and I always will be.

If I have learned anything from all of this it is that you should never let the pain blind you. I gave into my pain. I let it consume me and it took over my life. I lost myself when I realized I lost you. You have every right to hate me and I am not asking you to forgive me. But I hope that as you are reading this letter that you might be able to understand my side to the story.

The world will see my life as one of destruction but I know that you are my daughter. For that I am proud every single day. I am so proud of the person you have become. You are strong and beautiful.

I know that when you get this letter that I will be dead. Please don't mourn my death. But I need one favor from you. I know I shouldn't ask you any favors but I have one and I need you to promise me to stay true to this favor. Forget him. Do not let him take over your life, like he did with mine. Stay true to who you are. Be the person you have been ever since you escaped the nightmare. Don't let this destroy your life, like it did to mine. I lost everything and you shouldn't have to suffer the loss of yourself. You probably are already asking yourself who you are, but then I will tell you to look at yourself in the mirror and see who you really are. Don't waste a minute of your life. Every minute we breath is a minute that counts. Be the person you want to be and do what you want to do. Don't let anyone hold you back like I did.

I never knew who you were until today. I wished I knew earlier. I remember you from the interview when he was still out there. You are a beautiful woman, JJ. Don't let anyone change that about you, not even me. I will love you forever, not matter where I am.

I am so proud of you, JJ!

Thank you for listening.

Love,

Susan Dunn''

JJ's hand touched the letter and she was shocked. The tears were streaming down her face after she had read the first few sentences. She never knew why her mother truly left and she finally knew the truth but it didn't make it any better. She reread the sentence: I know that when you get this letter that I will be dead. She realized what must have happened. She couldn't believe it. JJ clutched the letter into her hand and she rose from the chair and she ran out of the courtroom. It was getting too much. And she realized her mother probably killed herself because she was to afraid to testify. Before she was out of the courtroom she heard the judge say that they had to take thirty minutes.