A couple hours later and a half hour into the drive, the silence dragged on and her heart beat fast. He sat on the other side of the car, with his elbow propped on the door and his first two fingers leaning against the cheek of his mask - watching her.
She looked out her window, determined not to reveal that his gaze burned as hot as if caressing his hand up her naked body. This must be how prey felt when about to be eaten by a lion. This lion promised to devour her - a long and pleasurable devouring. The tension coiled tighter and tighter in her body. If he didn't get on with it soon, a simple kiss might be enough to set off the fireworks.
"You look like you expect to be a sacrificial lamb." His voice held a huskiness.
"Perhaps because you're making me feel like one by staring." She kept her gaze on the flat fields of Kansas, every inch of her humming. Even her breasts ached for another glorious massage.
"Perhaps I enjoy looking at beautiful things."
A flush crept up her face. The words made her heart skip a beat. It was a bold, romantic thing to say, and he probably knew it. The sexual tension made her throb for him, so instead she said quietly, "Thank you for the loan. I'll pay you back for the lease termination fee and for the movers."
"It's not necessary - " When she glanced at him with a frown, he bit off his words, seeming to understand her need for the satisfaction of solving her problems herself. "There's no rush to pay it back."
"Thank you." She bit her lower lip and glanced at him.
He remained so completely still and powerful. "Patience, sweetheart. If I touch you now, we'd have to stop at a church on the way to make an honest woman of you."
Her mouth ran dry, and she focused hard out the window. The temperature sky rocketed, and she ran a hand over the back of her neck, resisting the urge to fan herself. "Why are you staring?" Her heart pattered much too fast, and she bit her lip to release some of the restlessness.
"Your beauty and elegance brings me pleasure. I stare no more now than other times - you're simply noticing it, Emma." His deep voice flowed out smooth and rich.
She grew breathless and glanced to see if he was baiting her. It was as if her body went up in flames the moment she met his eye. Quickly looking back out the window, she took a deep breath. Dear heaven, he oozed power and sex. She ran her tongue over her lips and then bit her bottom lip in thought. Maybe having Pete pull over and getting out for a moment would stop the wild butterflies in her stomach.
"When you're mine, you won't have this luxury of such space in the car."
A thrill ran up her back at the words of being his, but then she looked at him in confusion. "Space in the car?"
He still didn't move. "If you dress to torment me, you might make it to the car - if I can make it out to the car before having sex with you."
Oh god, it was too hot. It was like being lightheaded but everything didn't spin. "You should behave, Jason." Her voice had a far more breathless quality than she wanted him to know how much he affected her.
"If you knew what I desired right now, you'd applaud my restraint."
Something in her gut tensed just a hint all of the sudden.
"Are you nervous, Emma?" The intimate, low tone of his voice sent her heart stumbling. The level of seduction in his tone, however, instantly cut off.
Her eyes searched her lap. How had he seen it? Desire battled with a hint of uncertainty and confusion. The idea of true intimacy, not just teasing like this morning, seemed odd and wrong now that he'd listened to the 911 call. He shouldn't want to touch her, and she shouldn't want him to...but she did. Oh god, she did.
"I won't touch under your clothes, Emma. Tell me to stop at any moment." He unbuckled and slid into the middle seat.
Something seemed wrong - not enough to fire warning bells, but enough that her breath hitched and she closed her eyes. His seatbelt clicked closed, and his body heat penetrated against her thigh and arm. The pounding of her heart picked up speed and almost hurt.
"No," he whispered and hooked a finger under her chin. "Look at me. Keep your eyes open and see it's just me. The longer we wait to be intimate again, the bigger the monster will grow. Look at me." Her eyes fluttered open. He sat turned in his seat and leaning on his elbow to push himself out a bit to meet her eyes. His lips brushed a kiss over hers, his eye open and studying her. "I won't go past your undergarments, Emma." His warm hand glided along her outer thigh.
She drew a sharp breath and closed her eyes, pressing her lips together. This shouldn't be hard. It shouldn't be so impossible to trust him all of the sudden.
He withdrew his hand and set her hands on his forearm. "Look at me, Emma," he ordered. She forced her eyes open. His stared back at her, full of strength and love. "Watch me, and he won't come," he promised, his voice just as husky and low as moments ago. "Press on my arm if you want to stop." A kiss brushed her cheek, and then he met her eyes. Then his lips brushed hers. His hand brushed her breasts, but that didn't make her muscles tense. Again, he searched her eyes - reading, studying.
The man honed in on every molecule of her being, ready to pick up on the slightest flinch, of which there was none - until his hand stroked along her knee. Two of her fingers twitched involuntarily on his arm through his suit before he even really touched her. He shouldn't have even been able to feel the twitch through his clothes.
In the next blink of an eye, he sat back, his hands withdrawn. He leaned across the empty seat and rolled down the divider a bit. "Stevens, please stop for lunch. Feel free to take a break."
"Yes, sir."
He rolled up the window.
How cruel to him to suddenly be so mistrusting. Why was this even happening? "I'm sorry - "
He looked at her. "Never apologize for something not feeling right." His tone left no room for argument but no room for blame either.
She looked down at her hands, unsure what to say. He didn't seem angry but not comforting either. As soon as the car rolled to a stop in a parking lot, Stevens got out and disappeared inside the diner on the side of the highway.
Jason's hand reached down and unbuckled her and then himself. "The belt. Come here, Emma." He didn't wait but pulled her into his lap.
"The belt?" She blinked in confusion and held onto his shoulders as he slid up her skirt so she could straddle his hips.
"Being strapped in frightened you."
She blinked. The uncertain, nervous feeling in her belly was gone now. She looked at him, eye level being in his lap. How on earth had he figured that out? Desire flared in his eye, and she flushed. He had her skirt shoved up and held her hips to press her down on him. His arousal strained his pants, and he cupped her bare bottom in both hands to rock her. Today was the wrong day to wear 'seamless' underwear that had very little material covering her backside, but his warm hands and firm grip made her throb with pleasure.
His head fell back against the seat. "God save me, Emma, I want to rip off your underwear," he panted and swallowed hard. His fingers dug into her bottom and gave a firm squeeze. "You're so soft. I want to kiss my way down your body." His eye rolled back.
His passion left her as breathless as him. Holding his broad shoulders, she rubbed herself along the length of him.
"No, Emma. I won't last," he panted and clamped his hands on her hips to immobilize her
"Oh. I didn't mean to make you hard," she whispered, biting her lip with a shy smile. She dropped her full weight down on him and rocked slightly even though he held her hips still.
His eye shot open, a bit dazed and quite dilated. He swatted her bare bottom. "Don't you get sassy," he smiled.
She bit her lip with a smile. "I like your hands on me." Her hands pressed over his to cup her bottom again. He was so sweet in holding her without his hands wandering into disrespectful territory.
"You tempt the devil, Emma." A rakish smile danced across his lips. His nailed lightly raked across her bottom and down her thighs.
Her smile vanished in a heartbeat as intense pleasure bolted through her body. She startled the slightest bit and looked at him with wide eyes. How on earth had he caused that reaction? Then the corner of his lip curled up, as if pleased by her response. His hand dipped between her legs and the soft raking of his nails over her sex shot her body to the edge and back. She cried out in pleasure and surprise, as every muscle contracted and just as immediately relaxed. Panting hard, she looked at him in surprise. He somehow played her body like an instrument, knowing exactly how to make the symphony swell.
"I love how sensitive you are, my Emma," he purred, his voice so husky it fell nearly a full octave. Then his hand stroked again, but this time he so very gently pinched her nub of pleasure for a split instant.
She cried out and fell against him, clutching his shoulders for dear life. He didn't touch, letting her body calm as she panted so hard it was almost impossible to breathe. Pleasure had never been so intense. A single touch had never sent her to the edge and back so fast. What was he doing?
His palm grazed her, and then his finger pressed through her cotton panties. He hit just right, knowing exactly how to make her soar. "I love you," he whispered.
She gasped and grabbed fistfuls of his shirtcollar. Her body tensed, the pleasure surging wave over wave, too fast to keep up. Before she could even speak, the fireworks exploded. A warm rush swept through, and she moaned with the bliss of release. His kisses to her neck and gentle thrusts of his finger only prolonged the euphoria. She rocked calm and steady, even the pressure of his chest on her breasts bringing pleasure. "Jay," she whispered and then moaned soft in her throat again. The drumming of her heart took it's time to slow down. "I love you," she breathed against his lips.
He kissed her, shifting his hands to her thighs as he rolled her onto the seat. He straddled her but pulled her legs up to wrap around his hips as he gently thrusted. "I can't. I don't trust myself," he panted and pulled away to sit back in his corner of the car. His chest heaved, his hands shaking slightly as he rubbed his forehead.
She squirmed a bit, trying to get as comfortable as possible with a damp undergarment. He held out his handkerchief, and she blinked.
"I vow I'll leave you alone. Take them off." He set the handkerchief on the middle seat when she looked at him with huge eyes. "I'll bring back food." He slipped out of the car.
She debated for a moment, but comfort finally won out. Wrapping her panties tight in the handkerchief, she looked around for where to set it without Stevens or anyone seeing it. She still held it when Jason got back in.
He set the food down in the middle seat and then took the handkerchief and tucked it in the inner breast pocket of his suit jacket.
She stared. "Um, my panties are in there." Her face burned.
"And?" He flipped open a compartment and pulled out hand sanitizer, taking some and then handing it over to her.
She took it but stared at him as he dug her food out of the bag. Carrying her panties in his pocket seemed so...intimate.
He handed over her food and glanced at her. "I prefer to not have it out where someone might see my lady's personal item. Eat your food, Emma."
A shy flush crept up her face. The dear man was being protective. She unwrapped her sandwich and glanced at him.
He sat back and watched her, the desire in his eye more apparent than before.
"Aren't you eating?" She frowned and looked down at the empty bag. Two shakes sat in the cardboard drink holder, but that was it.
"I'm fine."
"Jason?" She reached over and set a hand on his arm. His throat convulsed a little too hard for a swallow. "Does your throat hurt?"
"Just allergies," he stated and pulled his arm away.
"Jay, talk to me." It was somehow related to the fire, if his sudden emotional wall was any indication. "With the throat trouble you have from the fire, allergies would be problematic. Your voice isn't husky, it's a bit hoarse, isn't it?" It should have been apparent before this. Guilt swelled up from being too wrapped up in her own desire to notice it sooner.
He looked out his window. "Emma, I don't want to talk about it."
"Then we don't talk about it, just tell me what helps. You only had juice and a strip of bacon for breakfast. You need to eat something today." She wrapped her hands around her icy milkshake. With the esophageal scarring he already had and trouble with swallowing bite-sized pieces of food, allergies probably caused swelling and further constriction. Her heart twisted when his stomach growled. He cleared his throat and shifted, as if hoping she hadn't heard. Having food right there but unable to eat when hungry...it seemed so cruel. Tears blurred her vision. She wouldn't eat in front of him.
She slid into the middle seat and laid her chilled hand on his throat. The lymph node in his neck stuck out a little from the swelling. "Does the cold help? Or allergy medicine?"
He didn't pull away, but he didn't seem to welcome the attention either. "I'm already on allergy injections during the warmer months because I end up with pneumonia otherwise," he said, his voice so flat. "I used to be one of the best SEALS, Emma. I'll be lucky to pass the physical next year because I wheeze more since getting the pneumonia a couple months ago." He kept his gaze focused out the window, as if struggling to open up even this much.
She stroked his cheek. His words from weeks ago about feeling old and frail from so many health problems echoed loud and clear. "Jay, pneumonia can take awhile to clear up. You don't know what medical advancements will come out. We'll worry about the physical when it comes. As for right now, it will be good for you to just be home. Since you had the pneumonia, you've been running around to Florida and California...there will be time to just rest now. It might make a world of difference. If it doesn't, I still love you." That lightened the sadness in his eye a bit. "You'll just have to be content with keeping the babies and I out of trouble." That drew a soft smile on his lips.
"You're good at keeping me out of the doldrums, Emma." He tucked a stray curl behind her ear.
"No, I'm good at being cute and sexy." She beamed a smile and winked.
That won a hearty laugh. "That you are, sweetheart."
"Now, we'll find a grocery store and get you bananas and yogurt..." She looked down at her grilled chicken sandwich and washed her hands with the sanitizer. Then she laid out a napkin on her lap and shredded a couple pieces of chicken apart with her fingers and a fork. She handed it to him to try.
"Emma," he protested.
She looked at him. "I'll get another sandwich, if that's what you're arguing. You need protein too."
He popped the strands in his mouth in silence and swallowed. They seemed to go down fine, but he looked...humiliated.
Shaking her head, she frowned. "It's not treating you like an old man, Jason." She searched his eye. "I can't do anything to help with your burns, vision, or hearing, and it's hard feeling like I'm leaving you on your own. But I can help with this. It's no different than you handing me pieces of a sandwich and telling me I have to finish putting it together." She gave a soft shrug. "I'm just giving you a meal ready to eat like you give me. I know you're uncomfortable eating with anyone - I just want you to feel less different if you have to eat with me. I won't cut up every meal because that is treating you like a baby. Just let me do it if I'm cooking. Go grab my sandwich while I finish yours," she said with a smile and continued shredding it.
Something softened in his eye, and he looked a little choked up. Some of his self-confidence returned. "I love you, Emma." He set a hand on her arm, and she looked at him. "When I imagined having a partner in life, I never truly understood what it meant - " His voice grew so thick that it cut off his words. He turned his head away and gave her arm a squeeze before he got out, unable to finish his sentence.
She brushed away the tears from her eyes, so touched that even such a simple act meant so much to him.
When he got back in the car, he handed her a sandwich. She handed over his shredded chicken in the wrapper. "I shredded the lettuce and cut up the tomato too - maybe with the cold milkshake they'll go down easy enough."
"Thank you, Emma," he whispered. He leaned over and pressed a kiss on her forehead, his lips lingering a moment.
Her heart said the memory of that kiss would last even long after other memories faded with old age. The reason or date behind the kiss would fade, but the feeling of his soul kissing hers would burn vivid forever.