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Dogward/Brokenward/Virginward/Beachward

Chapter 26

EPOV

Well, I blew it with Bella again. I stomped into her house all cavemanish, accusing, demanding answers. Now she really wants nothing to do with me. She doesn't even want me protecting her. I have to keep her safe. Nothing else matters right now, not Tanya, not me, not even my friendship with Bella. We can't be friends, ever, if she's hurt or killed because of me. I would never forgive myself.

When we arrive at my apartment/rescue Jasper is waiting for us. I also have two body guards walking the perimeter, Seth and Paul. Both are big burly twenty something men. Seth has been at the rescue with me for a few weeks; Paul is joining him today, and will be here from now on.

If Bella and I separate for any reason, Seth will go with her. I trust him; he's a good guy, married, a kid on the way. His libido is occupied. I don't know about this Paul guy yet. I digress.

We get out of our cars and I help Bella gather her stuff and take it upstairs.

"Thanks for meeting with us so quickly, Jaz."

"You're right to be concerned about this James character, Edward. This is some weird stuff." He says as he looks at the photos and documents that James collected. Included are Bella's school records, her DMV record, some childhood photos, a high school yearbook, even a few medical records. I don't look at any of it, too invasive.

We head over to the courthouse to file the appropriate papers. Bella never looks or speaks directly to me the entire time. She's all business.

Seth and Paul are with us. I showed them a photo of James that I managed to capture on my phone when he was leaving this morning. The photo is a side view of him and his car. It's not ideal, but at least they have a sense of what he looks like and what car he drives. Jasper is working on getting a DMV photo or something that shows a closer, clearer picture of him.

"I'll meet you guys back here tomorrow morning at nine. I think the Restraining Order will be granted." Jasper states. "Oh, and Bella, Alice wants you to come over to her house. Something about a girls night with she and Rose."

"What time?" Bella asks.

"She said you could come now or later. I can take you over there if you'd like."

"I hate to be an over protective pain, but Bella isn't going anywhere without Seth. I know you hate this Bella, but I'm paying good money for security for you...us. Please take advantage of this." I practically beg.

I can tell she wants to say something snarky, but is holding back. She takes a deep breath before she speaks.

"Okay, Edward. But I'm driving my own car. Seth can come with me or follow me, I don't care. But if he gets too close or makes me uncomfortable, I will ditch him, and you know I will. So you better set him straight." She says with her hands on her hips. It reminds me of the day we met at the dog beach.

"Sure, sure. I'll talk to him." Thank god she's not fighting me on this.

About a half an hour later she heads off to Alice's with Seth, leaving Buddy with Booboo and I here.

She and I didn't discuss where she is staying tonight, but I notice her overnight bags are still here. I have hope.

I change the sheets on my bed, straighten the house and make myself a bed on the sofa in the studio/spare room. The least I can do is give her my bed while she's here.

Seth and I are in constant texting contact while she's gone. They were at Alice's, went to dinner and now they're listening to live music at some bar close to Alice's house. No sign of James.

I run on the treadmill and do weights to rid myself of the nervous energy. If it weren't for Seth being with Bella, I'd be a lunatic with worry right now.

I shower and get comfortable on my make shift bed. The dogs are on the floor beside me. I'm exhausted from the emotional day.

I must have fallen asleep because I startle awake from a horrible nightmare. My face is wet with tears; I'm shaking from the drama of my subconscious thoughts. The dogs were next to me, I had left the lights on and now the house is dark. I jump up and hurry towards my room, towards Bella.

When I reach the doorway, she's standing there, looking sleepy, concerned.

I grab her into a tight hug. Taking her in; her scent, her soft hair, the feel of her body next to mine.

"It's okay, Edward. Everything will be okay." She coos as I hug her against me.

I faintly hear myself chanting. "Not you, not you too." As I immerse myself in her. Nothing matters, except her safety. She's here now and she's safe. I will keep her safe. I won't lose her. I've lost too much already, I can't lose her too.

I don't know how long we stand there in our embrace. It could be minutes, it could be hours. Time stands still.

Eventually, she pulls me to the bed. She climbs in pulling me down beside her. I cling to her like she will disappear if I don't. She lets me. I think I cry some more. She tells me it will be okay. I try to believe her. I fall into a deep sleep; with her pulled to my chest, safe, protected. I don't dream. Nothing is in my head, but thoughts of Bella, here with me.

I wake up alone in my bed to the smell of bacon. I smile. She's here and she's safe.

I use the bathroom, brush my teeth, run my fingers through my out of control hair and join her in the kitchen.

"Hi," I say timidly, as I get myself a cup of coffee.

"Hi, sleepy head." She says giving me a soft smile. Her eyes still full of concern. "You okay this morning?"

"Yep, I nod. Good. Can I help? It smells great." I guide the conversation away from me and distract her by grabbing a piece of bacon fresh off the griddle.

"Hey, no snatching food." She teases as she swats my hand. It feels good to laugh with her.

We eat in comfortable silence. The food is good, really good. She has a way with eggs.

I clean up the kitchen while she showers. I'm thinking about what comes next. I know we go to the courthouse, etc., but I mean what is next for Bella and I. I know we can't avoid the elephant in the room forever. I have some explaining to do. I'm sure she thinks I'm unstable, broken. I am, but I still owe her an explanation. Where we go from there will be up to her.

~MMB~

We are granted the Temporary Restraining Order and file Invasion of Privacy charges against James. Jasper arranges for him to be served the papers this afternoon at his most current place of residence.

We are relieved as we drive back to my place. Seth follows us in another car, keeping a comfortable, but safe distance. Paul stayed at the rescue.

"How were things with Seth last night? Was he respectful of your personal space, etc.?" I ask her.

"He was. I actually really like him. He's a nice guy, who really loves his wife. He had very nice things to say about you too." She offers.

"Wow, you got all that out of the few short car rides with him?" I joke.

"What can I say, people open up to me." She says.

"Yes, they do." I add quietly. Yes, they do. I know this first hand.

"Can I take you to lunch?" It's the least I can do, plus I want to be with her.

"Yeah, I guess. Don't you have stuff to do?"

"Bella, the only stuff I have to do right now is keep you safe. Nothing else matters."

"About that... Edward. A lot has happened between us, very quickly. I want us to be friends, but I'm having some trust issues. That thing with Tanya hit me hard. I want to trust you. I know you are a good person, but even good people screw up."

I nod, parking the car in a shady spot in the restaurant parking lot, I turn to face her. "What can I do to gain your trust again?" I'll do anything.

"You need to trust me." She says.

"I do trust you, Bella. That has never been an issue."

"No, Edward. I mean, really trust me. I need you to open up to me. I know something horrible happened to you when you were a child."

"How do you know, who told you?" I ask panicked. Who told her? My family has been fiercely loyal to me. They have protected me and kept my secrets. And they don't even know the half of it. My secrets have secrets.

"No one told me, Edward. I put it together. I looked through some of your photo albums and there are no photos of you as a baby, just a boy; a very sad, lost boy. You have taken yourself off of the market in regards to women. You feel guilty, a lot. You easily take the blame for things. You keep people at arms distance. But mainly, you have nightmares, horrible nightmares. It's like you are relieving a traumatic experience, over and over. I can't sit by and watch you punish yourself anymore. You want my trust? Then trust me back. Let me help you."

I'm stunned. Years of therapy and Bella lays it all out in one little paragraph. She's not letting me off the hook. She has me by the balls. She has what I want... her.

After a long silence. "I need to talk to my therapist. Can you give me a few days?" I whisper.

"Of course, Edward. I don't want to push you, but you've been holding this in for years and years. I'll let you adjust to the idea of opening up, but I'm holding you to this. You want a relationship with me, a friendship. It's this or nothing."

I nod, knowing she deserves this.

"Can I ask you a kind of unrelated question?"

"Are you trying to change the subject again?" She teases. She's on to me. "Of course, ask away."

"Why did the thing with Tanya bother you? I know she was overtly touchy and sexual with me and a total bitch to you. But why did it affect you so much? I wasn't reciprocating her advances. It was totally one sided. And I set her straight about where she and I stand. I was more direct with her than ever before." I explain.

"This is difficult for me to talk about, um..." She says, wringing her hands in her lap. "Um, I understand if you mentally aren't into her, but obviously you are physically."

"Physically? I think Tanya is fake. I'm not attracted to her at all. I never have been. I've just been polite because of our parents. I'm done being polite after how she treated you."

"You're a guy; guys don't always have complete control of... things." She gestures towards my crotch.

I laugh. "The only time I don't have complete control of myself is around you. It didn't move when I saw her, not even when she was rubbing up against me. In fact, I think it shriveled up and hid."

"But you went in the water, for a really long time. Wasn't it to cool things down?"

"Oh Bella. Have you thought this whole time that I needed to go in the cold water to calm myself down? Oh, shit, no wonder you've been so pissed. I went in the water to escape her. I kept trying to walk away from her on the beach and she kept talking and following me. I thought the only chance I had for her to leave me alone was to swim out in the water. I know she's got those built in life preservers, but she wouldn't get wet. She wouldn't want to mess up her hair or makeup. And I was out there for so long because I was swimming against the current and she kept walking along the beach as I swam. Every time I looked up she was still there. I thought she'd never go away. Finally, a few houses from Mom and Dad's she gave up and walked back to her parent's house. Honestly, Bella. I'm not the least bit attracted to her. I hope you believe me."

She looks up, her eyes full of unshed tears. Her eyes search mine. I'm lost in her gaze. The longing, the hurt, the resolution.

"I do, I do believe you. It's just, you've made me feel so good and so sexy knowing your body reacted so strongly to me. When I thought she did that for you too. I felt naive, stupid and utterly unattractive."

I grab her hands in mine. "There is nothing unattractive or stupid about you, nothing. It kills me that what I did made you feel that way. Add that to the danger I've put you in, ugh. You have no idea how responsible I feel for you. How protective. I know this whole thing sucks, all of it. But please, please let me protect you from James. Let me do whatever is necessary. When this is all over, we can build our friendship again if you want to. But for now, just let me take care of you, of this. I need to do this." I sound like such a pussy, but I don't care.

"I'll cooperate, but you are still "spilling the beans". She says trying to lighten the mood. "Let's eat, I'm starved."

"Me too." I say helping her out of the car.

My phone rings during our meal. "Hey, Jasper, what happened with James? Really. Shit. Okay. Keep me posted. Thanks."

"What happened? Did they serve James?" She asks impatiently.

"No, he doesn't live there anymore. No one had a forwarding address. Jasper is on it. He'll let us know." I'm disappointed and worried.

"I don't know what it is with me and guys named James." She says, almost to herself.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"There was this weird guy in high school that used to follow me around. He'd write me love notes, bring me flowers. He'd show up at my house. He thought he was my boyfriend. He seemed harmless enough, but my dad scared him off eventually. Then we graduated and I moved away. End of story." She shrugs.

"What was his last name?" The hair on the back of my neck is standing straight up.

"Embry. James Embry."

A/N

Another evil cliffie *laughs manically*

Some of you were still mad at Edward. How are you feeling now? Did he apologize enough? Explain enough?

Teaser for Wednesdays chapter on Fictionators today.

Thanks to all of you who voted, and for all of your support :)

PS I wrote another chapter yesterday :)