Midnight

Evan

After setting the fire I'd gone to Mom and Dad's. My family was out somewhere. I didn't know how long they'd be gone or when they'd get back. My best guess was the hospital. I was sprawled on the thin white couch in the hallway leading from the entryway to the kitchen. To my right and in front of me was the living room. I was staring up at the white ceiling. Behind me was the big white staircase. There was the front door, entryway and the hallway leading to the kitchen. In that hallway was the couch where I was.

After about an hour of sitting, doing not much of anything, the front door opened.

"Hey," a voice said.

It was Amanda's. my 14 year old sister.

"Hey," I returned, from my spot on the couch.

"Why aren't you at your place?" she asked.

"Just felt like comin here. They at the hospital again?"

She lied down on the wooden floor in front of me.

She nodded; "yeah. You knew I'd be here huh?"

"Yeah, somethin like that. Isn't that uncomfortable?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

I was referring to her lying on the wooden floor.

"Evan, when you live with bones sticking out of you, everything's uncomfortable. A goose down comforter, is uncomfortable."

"Oh. So why aren't you at the hospital?"

"I got tired of all the Kate drama. Least here the only drama I have to deal with is Evan drama."

"Shut up," I said, smiling and flinging a white pillow at her.

I'd gotten the pillow from the couch.

"No, you're cool."

"Well, thank you very much."

"Not to mention conceited."

"Amanda," I said warningly.

"Alrite I'm sorry."

"They taking bone marrow from Anna again?" I guessed.

They being the doctors. They did this often because Kate our 2nd youngest sister after Anna had leukemia. She'd been diagnosed when she was 2. Anna had been born as a donor for Kate.

There were 3 years between Amanda and I, 4 between Kate and I and 6 between Anna and I. Amanda and her twin were 14, Kate was 13 and Anna was 10. I was a year older than Ashley who was 17. This made me 18.

"Yeah."

Amanda tossed the pillow up into the air.

"Earlier, Ashley passed by the bathroom and heard Kate retching. Louisa and I were arguing in the kitchen at the time. Ashley wafted through us, didn't say anything and got a big bottle of ginger ale from the fridge, you know the one marked 'Kate'?"

I nodded, picturing the exact one she was talking about.

"She took it upstairs. About an hour or so later Mom and Dad came home. Ashley informed them Kate was bleeding. So they all rushed to the hospital and I had no choice but to follow."

Ashley must've taken the bottle upstairs for Kate.

I wondered where mom and dad had been.

"Wow," was all I said.

"Funny," Amanda said, clutching the pillow to her chest, "they always know when Kate's sick, retching, but never me. I hide it so they won't find out but I kind of hope they will. By now, you would think someone would've noticed the obvious weight loss. Of course not. They're too focused on Kate. She thinks she's so special just because-"

Amanda realised what she'd said.

"Oh, my god. I did not mean that."

"No, I get it you want to feel free. Like someone notices you," I said.

"Yeah exactly."

"Why do you think I set fires?"

I glanced down at her and noticed a significant amount of weight loss. Shed lost weight bc of her eating disorder which had started last year.

"Maybe I should set fires too. Or nearly die. And even when I was...fuk. Ya know?"

I nodded; "yeah Mandy. I do."

"You know. You're the only one who ever calls me that."

"Oh Mandy. You came and you saw and you..." I started to sing.

Amanda smiled.

it was hours past dinnertime but we both knew enough not to bring it up.

"You're welcome to stay at my place Amanda. Any time you feel like...any time you need to," I told her.

"Thanks but. I'm good."

"Ok."

She turned on her side so her back was facing me. Through the thin silk of her beautiful dark blue blouse I could see the outline of her shoulder blades. I knew how much this pained her.

"And the only time they do notice, it ends up in arguments. You know what Mom said to Ashley today when she thought I couldn't hear?" Amanda asked.

I waited.

"She said, 'oh thank god. I can only handle one child'. What she meant was..."

"Between you and Kate," I finished.

"Yes. She thinks that doesn't hurt? That..."

I knew her next line would be, 'this, doesn't hurt'?.

"Yeah, but I know it does. God how could anyone not see that? You're so delicate. It scares me sometimes Mandy," I said.

I knew she was smiling.

"Yeah but that's what makes you so protective of me," she said.

She resumed her pillow tossing

I noticed several bruises up and down her arms, along with marks in the shape of stars.

"You have. Stars," I said quietly.

"I wanted to taste what they felt like. So I...made these."

I didn't say anything.

I wondered where the bruises had come from.

"Were they out tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah. As I looked at them I knew somewhere you were setting fires," she replied.

"And you were right, I was. In the woods. Forgot to put out my ciggerette. Walked there so they couldn't trace me."

We both loved the stars.

'They' being the police.

I started to get up, to get a blanket and long body pillow out of the linen closet to make Amanda more comfortable.

"Yes," she said, as soon as my feet hit the floor.

As though reading my thoughts.

I wandered over to the linen closet where I got out several blankets and pillows. I closed the door and walked back to the couch where I put the blankets and pillows on the floor next to Amanda. She slowly got up and rearranged them, then lied back down.

"Comfortable?" I asked.

"Mmmhmmm," she said, nodding.

"Mom staying the night at the hospital with Anna and Kate?" I asked.

"Yeah. I don't know when the others will be back. Alexa might stay the night at Tom's. Ashley said something about grocery shopping with Marie."

Alexa was our 16 year old sister .Tom was her 20 year old boyfriend. They'd been going out for about a year. Marie was our 14 year old sister.

"Oh," I said, knowing what that meant to my sister.

"Yeah so tomorrow morning will be a fukin picnic."

By now I knew enough to not ask about the bruises. I knew how she got them.

Silence fell between us. I thought of the bottle of wine tucked away in the linen closet. Cabarnet shiraz.

"Want a drink?" I asked, getting up.

"No I'm good."

"Ok."

I went to the linen closet and pulled out several linens untill I found 2 wine glasses and a bottle of wine with a wine bottle stopper plugged in the top.

"Oh, that kind of drink," Amanda said.

"Yeah. Want some?"

"No."

"Ok."

I went back to the coffee table, which was in front of Amanda. I set the 2 glasses and the bottle on it, the bottle in the middle. I unplugged the stopper and started pouring the wine into one of the glasses.

"I wish it could go back to the way it used to be. Before Kate got sick...when it was just you, me and the parents. I wish we could be a normal family," Amanda told me, watching me pour.

"I know Mandy. But much as you may want to you can't change the past."

She sighed.

"Yeah I know. But a girl can dream."

She stretched out under the blankets. The wine glass was full. I set the bottle on the table.

"Favorite color?" I asked, playing our game.

"Pink, though yellow's a close second. You?" she asked, joining in.

"Orange. Element?"

"Water. The stars. Yours is fire."

"Right. Time of day?"

"Twilight. You?"

"Night. Flower?"

"Calla lily. You?"

"Black iris."

"Wow. Song?"

"Hallelujah," we both said at the same time.

"How'd you manage to sneak a bottle of wine past Mom?" Mandy asked.

I looked at her; "you really think she'd notice?"