A/N:Don't have a heart attack. You knew this was happening. Two chapters in a week isn't all THAT shocking is it? Well, get over it. Haha!
This chapter was written in one day. I'm not bragging per say, just trying to prove my dedication to completing this chapter. I barely ate or drank anything, didn't stop for finger rests, even wore adult diapers to avoid those pesky potty breaks. Now that's devotion. All kidding aside, the real devotion came from Braburella as she sat up with me through most of the night, as furiously wrote this chapter. Now comes the time when we give credit to my beta of mythical proportions, TwilightMundi. I swear that woman was a fairy godmother in another life; she can do magical things with Track Changes and red font.
I honestly have no clue how you people will react to this chapter. I would have thought that you loved the last one, but I had mixed reviews. Hell, I'm just happy you're still reading. So here's the chapter some of you said you've been waiting for. Hope it lives up to your expectations. If not then, as always, kindly direct all hate mail to Barburella. She has much thicker skin than I do and can take the abuse better. (It's been said that she's part dragon. I believe it, I've seen her spit fire at a NYC cabbie before. * Shudders *)
BarbiandLiz'sRoadTripPlayList: "The Face"- KOL, "Reason To Hope"- Ron Pope, "Don't Leave Just Yet"- Need to Breathe, "Broken"- Seether, "Nothing Left To Lose"- Mat Kearney, "The Best I'll Ever Be"- Sister, "Just A Kiss"- Lady Antebellum,"The Promise"- Tracy Chapman, Hazel,
~oOo~
Chapter 26 Concertos & Coffee Cups
EPOV
Bella met me at the airport on Friday. I was so fucking nervous about seeing her I nearly puked when we landed. We had originally planned to meet at some Moroccan restaurant on 57th Street for dinner, but she surprised the shit out of me Friday morning when she texted me to say that she'd changed her mind. For a second I panicked and worried that she had changed her mind about me visiting her, but then she said she wanted to meet me at JFK. I had convinced myself that I'd have time to get my shit together at the hotel before seeing her at dinner. So when I saw her standing at the luggage carousel my breath caught in my throat. She was stunning in a short sundress and sweater- an outfit I would have thought was more fitting for Florida this time of year. I drank in the sight of her- from head to toe. Her hair was a little shorter than I remembered, but still long and beautiful. You'd think it had been three years since I saw her last, not three months. I smiled when I noticed the worn cowboy boots she had on.
She waved frantically trying to make sure I saw her standing there. As if I could've missed her! My nerves forgotten, I pulled her to me as soon as she was close enough. I picked her up and swung her around as we hugged. I was so fucking happy to see her! I didn't care who saw. Reluctantly I put her back on the ground and let her go.
"Hey," she breathed.
"Hey," was my brilliant reply.
"That was some greeting."
"What can I say, I missed you."
"Yeah, I noticed. I missed you, too." Those last three words, and her beautiful smile, melted my heart. That was what I had traveled 1,000 miles to hear. I could relax and enjoy the weekend we had together.
We caught a cab and Bella directed the driver to her apartment. I'd seen pictures from the now infamous "Girls' Weekend of 2011", but I was still amazed at how beautiful her building was. The Dakota was directly across from Central Park. I was greeted by an enthusiastic Mr. Darcy who seemed to remember me, and I was thankful that he seemed to remember our previous agreement to cease and desist with the crotch sniffage as well. Mini had sent a t-shirt that he'd slept in the last few nights when he heard I was going to visit Bella. He'd begged to come as well, even promised to wash and wax my bike for a month, but I told him that wasn't the best idea. There was pouting of epic proportions, but after I promised to let him come another time he straightened up. That's when he got the idea to send a shirt with his scent on it to Darcy, so mutt wouldn't forget him. Made perfect sense to the boy. I just shut my mouth and delivered the shirt. The beast took my offering without hesitation, traipsed over to his giant dog bed and curled up in a ball with his nose buried in the material.
"Okay, that has to be both the sweetest and the saddest thing I've ever seen," Bella cooed. The iPhone made an appearance; she took a picture and sent it to who I assumed was my son. The reply she read to me was, "I guess he made it there safely, then? Nice of him to text his only son and let me know this information. Guess I know where I fit on his list of priorities. Haha."
"Looks like someone's in big trouble with the little man," she teased. There was no reason for me to be in trouble! I may not have texted him, but I contacted my mother and let her know that I was safely on solid ground and to please relay the intel to my spawn. Knowing my mother, she mostly likely told him the second she got the message, so I didn't feel too guilty about not calling him. He was just showing off for Bella.
"Yeah, well, he better check himself before the long arm of the law smacks him upside the back of the head for being a smart ass," I warned. She laughed, a sound I'd missed since she'd left. It was rare that I got the opportunity to hear it even though we were talking again.
"Are we still planning to go eat at that Tasmanian place?" Again she laughed, and I thought I could die happy if that were the last sound I heard before I bit the big one.
"It's MOROCCAN, doofus, and yeah, I'm sure you must be starving. I know I am."
"I knew that. I just wanted to hear you laugh again," I admitted. That was safe, yet sweet. Not too revealing. "Its my second favorite sound." Okay, that was maybe a little too much information, because not only did she stop laughing but the smile that had graced her face slid off as well. She looked a little stunned, or was it pissed? I backtracked to safer conversation. "Well, then we'd better get going if we want to have time to drop my bags off at the hotel before hand."
"Um, about that... I can't have you staying in a hotel. Seriously, my inner southern belle would kill me. You're welcome to stay here if you'd like. But only if you feel comfortable."
Never in a millions years would I have even hoped, much less imagined that Bella would invite me to stay with her. In her apartment. We were doing well, but not that well. I must have hesitated too long because she blurted out, "Sorry. I didn't mean to presume. I just figured we could spend a little more time together if you stayed here, but you're probably right. It was a dumb idea. Forget I suggested it. Let's get going!"
Talk about being stunned. It took me a moment to catch up to her. "Wait, Bella... who's right? I don't remember saying anything!"
"You didn't, that's why I assumed you weren't entirely thrilled with the idea."
"Not true! I'm just trying to catch up! So... you're okay with me staying here? With you?"
"Of course, Edward. I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise. We're both grown ups, and I do have a guest room that you're welcome to stay in. It's up to you though."
I thought about it for a second before answering. "Well, I guess I could stay here-"
"Listen, buddy, don't do me any favors. I was only trying to be hospitable. It wasn't like I was offering you a naked massage. Never mind," Dejected, she grabbed the handle of my suitcase and started for the door, "let's just go so we can drop this off." She was obviously upset, but I was stuck on the part about a naked massage. "Are you coming, Edward?" She tossed over her shoulder as she strode towards the door.
I could be, I thought. "No! Stop, Bella!" I yelled a bit more frantically than the circumstance called for. "I mean, wait a second. Please." She clutched that rolley suitcase like it was remote controlled and might speed off at any given moment. "Give me my bag."
"No." Her chin lifted defiantly.
This was the point where things went from amusing miscommunication to complete and total insanity.
"What do you mean, 'no', woman? That's my luggage and I demand you let go of it!"
"NO!"
"Dammit, Bella! Give me the fucking suitcase so I can put it in the guestroom and we can go eat a nice dinner!" We were both acting ridiculous, and I had a feeling that we weren't fighting about the suitcase or where I was staying any longer.
"It's obvious you don't want to stay here, Edward, and I'd be the last person to make you do something you don't want to do. So get your ass in the elevator before I leave without you and you starve to death." I doubted I'd starve in a city that had pretzels or some sort of meat on a stick for sale every other block or so. An image of me lost in the wilds of Central Park with a full, scruffy beard, tattered clothes, and wasting away while surrounded by people eating falafel struck me as funny and I started laughing.
"What is so funny, Mr. Cullen?" Her tone reminded me of that day all those months ago when I first met her in her classroom for our parent-teacher conference. Recalling that day reminded me of other... activities we engaged in that afternoon. I pushed those thoughts away and grabbed the handle as well.
"You are. You're fucking hilarious. Now let go of my damn bag so we can go to dinner. I'm staying here." The caveman voice I used must have convinced her I was serious, because she said, "Fine," and let go of it like it was on fire. Bella stomped out into the hall and started mashing the hell out of the down button on for the elevator.
"Um, I think it got the message, Bella."
"Shut up, Edward. It's my elevator, I think I know how to use it," she snapped.
The doors slid open and once we were headed down she seethed, "You don't have to stay here if you don't want to, Edward."
Somehow our friendly visit had spiraled downward into a pit of misery, and I had just insisted on staying in the same apartment with this she-beast next to me. I knew I had to do something to put things back on track.
"Bella," Her back was to me, her arms folded protectively in front of her chest, and she stared intently at the "In case of emergency" sign. "Bella, look at me, please."
"I can't, Edward."
"You mean I came all this way and you won't even look at me?"
"I'm so embarrassed right now that if I look at you I'm going to burst into tears. Then you'll go upstairs, get your bag, and hop on the first flight back to Florida."
"Do you want me to leave?"
"NO! I mean, of course not! I want you here, Edward, I really do." A quiet, little sniffle escaped.
"Then look at me, B. Our emotions are all over the place. Let's just relax, okay? We have a lot to talk about, and not a lot of time. We can make the most of it, or I can get hell out of Dodge. I want to stay. What do you want?" She let me turn her to face me, but wouldn't look at me.
"I want you to stay."
"Then I'll stay." I gently rubbed her arms up and down, trying to maintain any type on connection with her. A deep sigh heaved through her body, releasing some of her built-up tension. I pulled her to my chest without thinking about it, and folded my arms around her. I was amazed at how perfectly she fit there. It was like I was realizing it for the first time. Her face was buried in my shirt.
"I'm sorry, Edward," I heard her murmur. Her words resonated through my sternum and settled in my heart. I knew she meant she was sorry for how she'd acted in her apartment, but I heard so much more that was unspoken in those three little words.
"I know, sweetheart. I am too." The door opened then and she stepped away, but she slid her arm through mine. I was hyper sensitive to where we were still connected. "Let's go eat some Bulgarian food. I'm starving."
"MOROCCAN, Edward." She jokingly smacked me. "Is that really so hard to remember?"
"Nah, I just like seeing you all feisty. I'm happy to look like a dork if it makes you smile like that." She rewarded my stupidity with another grin. And just that easily we were back to "us".
Dinner was great, the conversation was fantastic, and the company was... divine. Sitting across from her with just the span of the tiny tabletop between us, and a corny tea candle casting a faint glow on the scene was perfection.
"How are you doing here, Bella?" She glanced up at me, that candle highlighting my favorite features of her face, "I know you're happy, my sisters make sure I know exactly happy you are, but are you content?"
Bella leaned into me, trying to get closer, "I am happy here, Edward. This is an amazing life that I never imagined I'd have the opportunity to live. I get paid to share some of the most beautiful music man has ever composed. I think I might do this for free if they asked me to. But don't tell them that." Another candlelit grin. A comfortable silence settled between us. She reached for my hand and rather then hold it, she drew patterns along the back of it. It was the first contact she'd initiated between us since I'd arrived and it was heavenly. The design must have required her close attention, because she didn't look up when she spoke next.
"How's Masen? Man, I miss that kid." I watched her closely. A single tear slipped down her cheek, but she didn't act like she even noticed; she made no effort to brush it away.
"He misses you, too. Fiercely. Your texts and Skype dates have helped." She simply nodded so I continued. "You know, right after you left he taught himself how to play 'Somewhere Out There'. Looked up the sheet music online and taught himself to play it. He said it helped him miss you a little less. I think it just distracted him so he thought that he did, but I know he still pines for you." That got her to look up at me. When she saw me smiling she offered me a small grin in return.
"Well, I am pretty amazing," she deadpanned.
"Entirely pine-worthy," I agreed, still smiling.
After a few moments she asked, "How are you, Edward? I know we're making a huge effort here, and you being here speaks volumes, but how are you?"
I took a deep breath. I wanted to honest, but fair. "I'm okay, B." She looked like she didn't believe me. "No, really, I am. I miss you. I miss us, but I'm okay. I was a mess for a long time. It was bad there at first. I was depressed and a miserable ass to be around, but I was lucky that I had Mini to keep me from becoming too self-destructive. Otherwise who knows how bad it might have gotten. I knew he needed me."
She was crying again, silently, but several tears streaked her face. This time I reached up to brush them away. I didn't want her to feel guilty about doing what she needed to. I'd spent the last several months scripting our reunion; picturing this exact moment when I would have the chance to tell her exactly how she had destroyed all of us. Then watch as she crumbled under the weight of the responsibility. But as the woman I once loved with abandon sat across from me, hurting, I felt no retribution in that moment. All I wanted right then was to take that hurt away.
"Bella, don't cry, love. I'm not telling you this to upset you. You asked and I want to be honest with you, because that's the only way we're gonna work through this. I came here for a reason. I love you. I always will, but our lives are in different places right now. It was only very recently that I was able to accept this. I realized that, regardless of where you and I end up, Mini needs you in his life, and I've seen how much you love and need him. So, we have to get past this block and be there for Mini." I couldn't remember a time when I'd heard Bella be quiet for so long, except for maybe when she was sleeping. Even then she talked in her sleep.
"I'd like to be a part of both your lives, Edward, but..." Her hesitation had my heart in my throat. All that yummy Moroccan food threatened to make a second appearance.
"But, what, Bella."
"But... I need to be straightforward with you too, Edward. Last week the symphony offered me a year-long contract. That's why I went back to Arizona, to see if I could clear my head and think."
I'd kinda thought something like this might happen, but it still caught me off guard.
"So, what did you decide?" I really wanted to know her decision, but at the same time didn't.
"I didn't decide anything yet. I decided to wait until I saw you to make up my mind, but I didn't want you to come all this way and not tell you what's going on."
"I appreciate that, really I do. Tell me what you want to do."
"I want to do what's best. I want to be a part of Mini's and your lives. I want to contribute to the music community in some way, I want to continue to perform. I kinda want it all, and if the last three months have taught me nothing else, they've taught me that's very selfish of me. The people I love deserve better."
"You really have no clue what you'll decide?" She had to have some inkling.
"Nope. One minute I'm ready to call my director and re-sign, the next I'm tossing shit into boxes to come home. I'm a mess."
"Well, I don't see why you have to decide tonight. Or this weekend even. Let's just enjoy this time together and see what happens. We've been pretty good about finding our way so far, right?"
"Up until about three months ago, yeah," she agreed.
"Then I say we stick with what works. The right decision will present itself."
"You really think that?" She was amazed. Hell, so was I. Who was this emotionally evolved Edward?
After many beats of silence she laughed, "Wow, that was very mature of us. Especially considering the parade of pettiness we displayed earlier."
"Yeah, I guess this is the conversation we should've had three months ago, huh? Might have saved us all a lot of heartache."
"Maybe you're right, but I read somewhere once that the road of life has many paths. Sometimes you've got to take the one you least expected, to get to where you were always meant to be."
"So true, Bella. That is so very true."
We went back to her apartment for the night, and after watching some rented movie I barely paid attention to, she went to her room and I went to mine. I stared up at the ceiling trying to wind down enough to get some sleep. I replayed the day in my head. With the exception of the little flip out in her apartment, we'd had a wonderful evening together. It had been more difficult than I thought it would be to resist the urge to fall back into the easy, familiar way of handling her anytime I wanted to. Several times I caught myself reaching out to take her hand in mine as we walked or wrap my arm around her shoulders and snuggle her to me in the cab or on the couch. And when I told her good night it was actually painful to not lean in and kiss her. I was drawn to this woman, and not just on a physical level. From the first moment I met her I'd felt the pull. A force that came from deep inside pulling me towards her. Hell, even with 1,000 miles between us I'd still felt it.
The past weeks of texts, calls, and emails had begun a healing for us, our communication helping us to forge new paths in our friendship. I'll admit I was a little disappointed when Bella told me that she was considering the year with the symphony, but I wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. Besides, we weren't together anymore, she didn't need to ask my opinion on the matter. That didn't stop me from wanting to give it to her. And my opinion was that I wanted her. Still. I wanted her home with Mini and me where she belonged. As I drifted to sleep I was resolved to remind Bella exactly what was waiting for her in Florida. I swore she'd be packing before I left on Sunday.
~oOo~
The next morning I woke up to a bright room and the heavenly scent of bacon frying. I threw back the covers and padded out to investigate the situation. Bella stood at the stove tending to several pans at once. Next to her sat Darcy at the ready like a sentinel guard. He loved bacon just as much as the rest of us. I took a seat on a stool and watched as she plated eggs, grits, and a few fresh biscuits. Then she crowned the entire plate with bacon.
"Looks fantastic," I praised.
My voice startled her, and she jumped and let out a little yelp.
"Thank you," she breathed. She took my compliment to be for the food, and it was, but I couldn't help but be moved by the image of her standing there in a short, silky kimono robe. Her long legs bare, begging for me to touch them. The tie at her waist perfectly outlined her beautiful form, accentuating the curve of her ass. The "v" in the front falling open just enough that I could see the swell of her breasts. Her hair was messy and reminded me of how she'd wake up next to me with that hair splayed on the pillow. I wasn't entirely sure if it was my stomach or my libido that growled, but a loud rumbling broke the silence and the lusty trance I was caught up in.
"I thought you were still sleeping!" she cried.
"Who can sleep with all of this going on out here?" Who, indeed. I shifted uncomfortably on the stool, hoping to hide the effect she obviously still had on me.
"Well, I was going to serve you breakfast in bed, but since you're up-"
"Oh, give me a second, make that half a second. I can be back in bed lickedy-split."
"Stop. Sit back down and eat."
I obeyed, begrudgingly. Then I mentally whipped myself with every bite over how I could be in bed, possibly with Bella and bacon, at this very moment if it hadn't been for my over inquisitive mind.
"Once you're fed and changed we can head out into the city. I thought we might see a show or just walk around. Maybe go to a museum? I could take you to Lincoln Center, but we'll be there tomorrow. Hmmmm... we could take D to the park. He loves that!
"Honestly, I just want to be with you. I've been to New York plenty of times, you don't need to play tour guide. Let's just do what you'd normally do on a Saturday. Sound okay?"
We ended up in the park with the pooch, and it was a fantastic day. We must have seen nearly every part of Central Park. We walked all over, talking and enjoying being in each other's company. At some point we got hot dogs from a vendor and sat in the shade to enjoy our lunch. Afterwards, we stretched out on the grass and were soon lulled to sleep by the breeze. I woke up a short time later, confused about where I was. Bella's head rested on my stomach, her hair across my chest, and Darcy mimicked her posture: sprawled out on his back, his head on her stomach, a not so quiet snore sawing from him with each breath. Content that we were right where we needed to be I settled down again, but not before I snapped a picture of the two sleeping beauties and sent it to Masen.
Later we got dressed and went to a jazz club downtown. This time, I didn't hesitate to pull her to me when we were in the back of the cab or while we sat listening to some of the best live jazz I'd ever heard.
Off and on throughout the day we'd talk about what we wanted from life, where we saw our lives in five or so years. Our answers were surprisingly similar. I told Bella about Jess and kicking her out our lives forever. She celebrated with high fives and cheers of "Hell yeah"s. She talked about how she enjoyed living in the city, and could see herself being there permanently. She grumbled about missing the convenience of having a car, and not having the people she loved the most close by.
All in all it was a great day. The best day I'd had in a very long time.
That night we again maintained separate rooms, but as I closed my door I heard her call my name, "Edward?"
"Yes, love."
"Thanks for a beautiful day." I walked out to where she stood in the hall.
"Thank you, beautiful. It was wonderful." The tension between us hummed. My hands itched to reach out and grab a hold of her, my lips tingled with the need to feel the softness of hers.
"I can't wait for you to see me perform tomorrow," she whispered, desperate to fill the silence. As much as I wanted to sweep this woman off her feet and remind her once again that she was mine, I knew that she- no, we- weren't ready yet. But I had to touch her. She willingly let me pull her close and hold her. She sighed when we connected, like she could finally get a good deep breath. I knew how she felt. When I held her, it felt like a weight that had been anchored just under my chest was lifted. We stood there just like that, hugging in the hall. Neither one of us rushed off or made excuses to bow out, we just took in how right it felt as we hugged. Eventually I heard Bella say that she needed to get to bed or she was going to end up sleeping standing up in the hallway.
"Go to bed, Bella. Sweet dreams." Letting her go was the last thing I wanted to do. But I did.
"Sweet dreams, Edward," she whispered. I watched her slip into her room, mindful of the fact that I'd be heading back to Florida this time tomorrow.
~oOo~
I was more than a little disappointed when I woke up the next morning to a freshly showered, fully dressed Bella- and a serious lack of hot bacon. I'd dreamt all night of finding her there in the kitchen just as I had yesterday, but then doing all the things I knew I shouldn't to her. She looked stunning in a pair of jeans that were almost as sinful as the robe she'd had on the day before. The morning's coffee held her attention, affording me the opportunity to ogle her assets.
"See something you like?"
Without taking my eyes off said assets I replied, "Yeah, that coffee looks amazing." She laughed and passed me a mug fixed exactly the way liked it. "Come to papa, handsome, I've been dreaming all morning of the things I want to do to you. Rawr." I confessed to the mug, although it was Bella I'd been dreaming of.
"Should I leave you two alone? I'm sure I could find something to occupy myself while you 'take care of business'." Just hearing those words fall from Bella's lips had me picturing the care I would take with said business- Bella being my favorite kind of business.
"Nah, we don't mind an audience. Feel free to watch me enjoy every. Last. Drop." I licked the rim of the mug for emphasis.
A kitchen towel flew at me, hitting me in the head before I could duck out of the way. "You're incorrigible, Edward! Stop rimming my favorite mug and go get dressed. We're going out for breakfast."
The diner around the corner was good. Not "Bella in a bathrobe" good, but good. We were able to take Darcy along and eat out on the patio. Afterwards, we did a little window shopping before heading back to her apartment so she could get ready for her two o'clock performance. I relished each moment of having her at my side. I didn't think twice about reaching down and holding her hand as we walked. Bella didn't seem to mind it either.
I offered to make us lunch; I threw together some sandwiches and a couple of small salads. Nothing too difficult.
"You leave tonight," she announced. I wasn't sure which one of us she was reminding.
"Yeah, I'm going to pack up while you're getting dressed so I'm not rushing after the performance."
"Good idea. What time is your flight again?"
"Eight-oh-five, so we should have a little time together before I have to go." I took her hand, it was comforting to feel the connection we had while we talked about our impending separation.
"Maybe we could do an early dinner, then come back here to grab your stuff and I'll ride with you to JFK."
"That sounds good, but I don't want you to have to come back here to an empty apartment alone."
"Edward," she chuckled, "I'll be fine. I do this all the time. Stop worrying so much. You can be such a dad sometimes." She teased and squeezed my hand.
"Maybe, but it's just because I care." I wanted to tell her how much I cared. That I wanted us both to be on the plane at eight-oh-five. That I wanted to bring the best souvenir ever home to Mini- her. I wanted her. I wanted us. "I'm going to miss you," I blurted out. "What are we going to do, Bella? I need you in my life, in my son's life, but I suck at this long distance thing. I don't think I can do it, B." I hated admitting my weakness to her, but I hated not having her know that I wanted her.
"I've got news for you, Edwardo, you don't suck as hard as you think you do."
"What?"
"For weeks now you've been 'doing' the long distance thing, and doing it beautifully." That was news to me, at the most I was eavesdropping on Skype conversations between her and Mini and sending her the occasional text. "We've been communicating, Edward. That is what it takes for a long distance relationship to work, and you've been doing that very well. Both parties just have to be willing to put forth the effort to connect and be a part of each other's lives."
"I can't stand the thought of being this far away from you, though. I kills me not knowing when I'm going to see you again. That's the part that worries me the most."
"We can plan times to see each other, Edward. The fact that you came up here on a whim to visit? That makes long distance relationships easier, but it isn't necessary. We could easily work out a schedule for visiting back and forth. I know Mini is dying to come up here."
"I think he would have smuggled himself in my luggage if he could have figured out a way to zip it up from the inside." The truth in that statement had us laughing.
Bella took a sip of her water and asked, "So, what's next? Where do we go from here?"
I asked her the question that would change everything, "What do you want, Bella? Why did you leave?" She took a moment before answering me.
"I left because... I had the chance to do something I had always wanted to do, but never dreamed I'd get. I left because the part of me I trust to make decisions felt that this opportunity was one that would never come again. I never imagined for a second that you'd turn away from me because of it. I want us to try. I want us to see if what we have is as strong as we think it is. I want you and your son, but I don't want to have to choose between the three loves of my life."
I realized then how difficult it had been for Bella to make that choice, one that I had forced her to make. I was wrong to have expected her to give up something that she loved- be that the music or Mini and me. I know that all love requires sacrifice, but it doesn't require that we sacrifice who we are to prove that love. I had asked her to give up her life for mine, and that was wrong.
"I understand that now Bella, and I'm sorry. I was desperate to keep us together, and all I could see was us falling apart if you left and how much that would hurt Masen. I overreacted, as usual, but I was just doing what I thought was best."
"It's okay, Edward. I get it. Part of your decision was a call you had to make as a parent. You thought were protecting Masen, but I think you were protecting yourself as well."
"I was." It was the truth, and it hung in the air between us. I had accused her of being selfish, when it had really been my selfishness that had pushed her away.
"Edward, Edward, Edward," she shook her head at me. "What am I going to do with you?" she teased.
"Forgive me? Love me?" I busted out the puppy dog eyes, not willing to chance her responding, "Hell no!"
Looking me with eyes filled with tenderness she answered, "I forgave you months ago, and I do love you."
"I love you too, Bella." She stood up, forcing me to stand as well, and then I watched as her face slowly drew closer to my own. Everything around us faded away when her lips brushed whisper soft against mine. The warmth of her breath caressed my skin, and for a brief moment it was just the two of us. Surrendering to the heaven before me, I wrapped her in my arms and she instantly relaxed against me. The kiss was gentle, and sweet. It spoke of our love and our apologies, our forgiveness and renewed commitment to try again.
I held onto her long after our kiss ended, not willing to relinquish the warmth that flowed through me because she was near. Countless times I had wished to be able to touch her like this again, and now that it was a reality I wasn't ready for it to end. Her phone buzzed on the table reminding her that she had to get ready for work.
"So, now what?" she asked. The woman I loved trusted me to lead us, even when I'd screwed up so badly last time.
"Well, I think this is where you say 'what performance?' and let me take you to bed and have the best round of make up sex the world has ever seen." I was only half joking.
"Ha. Ha. Edward. I thought you wanted to see me perform?"
"Ah, but I do! I just think we have different ideas about what constitutes a performance."
"Ugh," she rolled her eyes in exasperation. "No sex, Edward. I'm going to work and you're coming."
"Not if there's 'no sex', I'm not. Why does this conversation feel familiar?" I scratched my chin as I contemplated where I'd heard this before.
"One word: Sexbargo." Bella was beautiful with her lips fuller from our kiss and her hands on her hips defying the pull of my love beam.
"What the hell is a love beam, Edward?"
I hadn't intended broadcast those thoughts out into the world. Oops.
"That would be the irresistible pull you have towards me."
"Ahhh. See, I thought that feeling was indigestion. How about turning that thing down a little? I'm feeling a little queasy."
I gasped in a show of pretend shock, "Stuff it, Swan, but back to your very serious question- I think it depends on what you decide about signing that contract."
"And if I do sign?" Her voice was tentative, like she was nervous to ask.
"The we should try to do this." I motioned to the small space between us. That must have been the right answer because she smiled and hugged my waist.
"Alright. How does this sound," she spoke into my shirt, "In two weeks I have a short break coming up; the entire symphony gets a little hiatus. I planned to come home, see everyone, and check in on the home front. We can talk more then, and I promise I'll have an answer for you by then."
It sounded like a reasonable plan to me, so I agreed to it. I was already feeling a little better about leaving her knowing I'd see her in a few weeks' time.
"Go! I release you from the love beam. Go get dressed before I undress you myself." I swatted her ass as she strutted away. The sound of her laugh followed me back into my room where I began packing to return home.
~oOo~
The entire orchestra was seated on the stage and warming up while a sea of people hurried to their seats. All but Bella. The house lights went down, and a hush fell over the crowd. I tucked my program between my thigh and the side of the seat. I wanted my hands free to clap till they bled. The crowd erupted in applause when the conductor strutted out to stand on his box. After a brief bow he raised his baton. At that signal, the first notes of the evening played.
After several pieces, he stepped down and walked off stage. When he returned he was escorting Bella. She was stunning in a floor-length burgundy gown that reminded me of a finely aged Merlot. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Seeing that she was safely seated at her bench, the conductor once again took his place on his box.
At his command Bella began to play. It was Mozart like I had never heard him. She was stunning and captivating. It was almost like I was watching someone else up there.
As I sat in my seat, watching her enchant the entire audience, I realized something important. It both thrilled and broke me: she belonged up there. Bella was meant to be on that stage. There was no way I could ask her to come back, but after this weekend there was no way that I was going to live the rest of my life without her either. I made a decision as I sat in Avery Fisher hall, and while my track record for making decisions was shit lately, I had a feeling this wouldn't be one that I'd regret.
~oOo~
We had an early dinner at Le Bernardin, where I couldn't keep my hands off of Bella. Not in a pervy, groping way, although I wouldn't have minded that. After seeing her perform it was like I needed the physical contact to remind me that she was real, still my Bella. So, throughout dinner I touched her whenever I could. Her hands, her bare arms, brushed the stray hair from her face. When we walked my arm was wound around her waist. I loved the feel of her dress under my hand as it slid along her skin when she moved. She had changed into something much less formal, but no less stunning.
As much as I was enjoying being able to touch Bella, her hands on me were just as exciting. She seemed to take a cue from my handsy-ness. She, too, sought out points of contact between us whenever she could, and it was driving me crazy. Little jolts of electricity would zap me each time her skin touched mine. We were both on edge by the time we made it back to her apartment to change and get me to the airport.
"You were amazing today, Bella. I'm still trying to take it all in," I admitted to her on the elevator ride up.
"You've said that about twenty times already, Cullen. I think you need new material." The smirk on her lips mirrored the glimmer in her eyes.
"Well, I feel like I have a lot of time to make up for." I felt the need to be closer to her so I drew her into my side.
"Please, don't," she asked quietly, and rested her head on my shoulder.
"Don't what, love?"
"Don't go trying to make up for the time we've been apart. I've come to accept that it was a necessary evil. Especially now, but it won't help anything, so let's agree to learn from our mistakes and move forward rather than looking back. Okay?"
The elevator opened then, depositing us on her floor. "Okay. You've got a deal."
I guided us to her apartment. "I'm not ready to leave," I confessed as we walked in.
"I know what you mean. It's going to feel kind of empty without you here."
"I bet this place was like a tomb after my mom and sisters left. I have no clue how you all fit in here."
"We're girls, Edward, we made it work, and it was a joy to have them. I can't wait for them to come back."
"Really?" I watched as she moved around the room, straightening up while we talked.
"Of course! And I want Mini to come, too."
"I'm sure he'd love that," she was making all kinds of plans for my family to visit, but not saying much about when I might be able to come back. That didn't sit well with me. I crossed the few steps it took to reach her. She was fluffing pillows or some crap, and I wanted her full attention. I was only going to be with her for a little longer. She could clean after I left, dammit. I spun her around to face me, "What about me, Bella? When can I come back?"
Caught off guard, she stammered, "Um, well... I'll be in Florida in two weeks, I thought we'd decide then."
"That's fine, I just wanted to be sure I had an invitation like everyone else." I really wanted an invitation, a personal invitation. Maybe an engraved "Visit Bella at any time" pass. I also really wanted to feel more of her skin. I decided to turn the "love beam" on.
"Edward, you can visit me as much and whenever you please. Consider this your open invitation." Well, it wasn't engraved, but it would do for an invitation. I moved closer to her, invading her personal space, forcing her to take a few steps back. She turned and went in the kitchen, "Would you like a beer before you change?"
"Yeah, thanks, and I assure you that I'll be taking you up on the offer."
"Glad to hear tha-"
She turned from the fridge with two beers and I was right behind her. I took them from her, opened them and handed hers back to her. She took a long pull from the bottle, and I watched, mesmerized, as her lips formed around the neck of the bottle. Instantly my mind reminded me of other places she'd had those lips. It was an innocent drink, but I was in another dimension. In the time it took for her to take a sip of beer my mind had transported me to "The Porny Zone", where every woman loves to give head and is a pro at doing it.
"You don't think you'll get sick of me flying up here every chance I get?"
"Not a chance."
"Hmmmm, okay, but now that I've been here, and we've established that I'll be visiting often, I wonder what we could possibly do to occupy ourselves when I turn up at your door."
"New York's a big city, Edward, I'm sure we'll find something to do."
I wasn't sure at this point if she was pulling my leg and playing dumb, or if she really wasn't clear what I was hinting at. I tried being more blunt.
"What about here, in your apartment. What if it's raining or something? What would we do then? I really hate to be bored, Bella. Especially if I'm going to come all this way."
Bella just looked at me like I had two heads and both were speaking foreign languages. I was so off my game, and just when I was about to give up I remembered that I'd turn the "love beam" down to low at Bella's request! I mentally jacked the fucker up and decided that I wasn't getting anywhere playing coy, and the poor bush was getting beat to death. So, I went with direct and to the point.
With renewed determination, and the "love beam" set to "stun" I pressed her back against the counter without warning, taking the beer from her hand. I wanted her hands free of distractions. "Touch me, Bella."
"Huh? Excuse me, Edward?" I rejoiced inwardly that the beam had indeed been the problem.
"Put your hands on me. Somewhere, anywhere, just touch me."
Her hands splayed out and she placed her hands over my chest. "Oh, come on, Bella you can be more creative than that," then I added right against her ear, "In fact, I know exactly how creative those hands can be. Show. Me."
Wide-eyed and clearly stunned (Love Beam-1, Bella-0), she slowly raked her hands down my chest and over my abs. The sensation of her nails scratching me through my shirt sent electric shocks through my nervous system. I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in the feeling. When I opened them Bella was watching me with eyes dark with need. Finally, I thought, she's catching on!
"Edward? Am I restricted to only using my hands?" Wh- what? (Love Beam-1, Bella-1)
"Feel free to use any and every part of you. The more the better. What did you have in mind?" Tell me, my mind was screaming.
"I'd rather show you." Again I'd unknowingly blurted out something I was thinking, and now the score was Love Beam-1, Bella-2.
With all the confidence I knew she possessed, Bella reached around, grabbing my ass, and tugging me against her so that all of her was pressed against all of me. I groaned at the contact, and the little vixen claimed it with a kiss. Score: Love Beam-1, Bella-2,490. I declared her the official winner and gave up counting. I drowned my sorrows over the embarrassing loss in her kiss, deepening it and claiming her victory as my own. Desperate to feel more of her, I pressed my thigh between her legs and ground against her.
"Edward," she moaned.
God, I loved it when she said my name that way. If her laugh was my second favorite sound, her crying out my name was the first. I was ready and willing to whatever it took to hear it again and again. Preferably in rapid succession and at high volumes. I continued to rub against her knowing the delicious friction would soon erupt into a full-fledged fire. At least that was my hope.
Bella's hands tugged at my scalp, using fistfuls of my hair to direct my mouth where she most wanted it. Panting and urging me on. Just as I was about to pay special attention to two of my favorite twin parts of her, an annoying alarm sounded from somewhere close by. I tried to ignore it and continue with reacquainting myself with Bella's assets. That's when I remembered where I'd heard that sound before. It was Bella's reminder alert.
"Baby, your phone," I murmured. It was very difficult to talk with Bella's tongue in my mouth, but she was too wrapped up in what we were doing to even care about the stupid phone. So, I reached behind her and fished it from her back pocket, careful to not break our kiss, and tried to see what the thing was squawking about. A message flashed on the screen: "Leave in 20min to take E to JFK." Damn her and her thoughtful ways. Reluctantly I broke the kiss.
"Baby, your phone says we have twenty minutes before we have to leave. While I would love nothing more than to see this thing we've got going through to its natural end, we don't have enough time."
"Twenty minutes is plenty of time. We've done it in half that time," she reminded me and renewed her quest to drive me crazy with the things she was doing to me with her mouth.
"Yes, while that is very true, it has been a long time since we were together, and I really don't want our first time together, again, to be remembered as the time I 'came in under twenty.' Know what I mean?"
"Nope, all I hear is, 'Blah, blah, blah, baby... blah, blah, came... blah, blah, blah.' Shut up and put out."
I'd begun to wonder what was so important that I needed to catch a flight home for anyway. Then remembered that I had a huge meeting with a big-wig corporation on Monday. They wanted us to design a custom bike for their CEO who was retiring. Whatever happened to handing out gold pocket watches?
With every fiber of my being I summoned all the strength I had and forced us apart. I took a few deep breaths, willing my resolve to hold out.
"Bella, we have to- god help me with what I'm about to suggest- Bella, we have to stop. I'm sorry, baby, but I have to be on that plane." I pressed my forehead to hers and kissed her once more. We stood that way for a few moments catching our breath and willing our hearts to slow down.
It was a little easier to get a hold of ourselves with a modicum of space between us. Once the blood started to flow back to the vital parts of my body, namely my brain, I remembered a very important detail that I have somehow overlooked.
"Oh, shit."
"What's wrong?" the worry in her voice overtook the lust that had been there just moments ago.
"I forgot to buy something to bring back for Mini, and now there's no time to stop and get anything." I was a terrible father. I was a couple of hours out from catching a flight home, and rather than looking forward to seeing my son I was cursing the fact that I wouldn't be seeing more of my girlfriend instead.
She glanced around the apartment. A quick trip to the kitchen and back had her shoving something in my hand, "Take this and give it to him. He'll love it." It was a very familiar looking coffee mug that I had done dirty, unmentionable things to earlier. "I heart NY" was printed on the side. Bella recognized the deviant look on my face, "Think of it as a souvenir for both of you. I know how much you liked that mug. You two have history together."
"I guess we do, I've done things to this mug that I've never done to a living soul." I waggled my eyebrows suggestively at her.
"Good to know, babe. Now switch the 'Love Beam' back to low and go get ready. We have to leave in fifteen minutes to get you to the airport.
And while I knew it was going to take everything I possessed to get on that jet and leave her, it helped knowing that in two short weeks I'd have her by my side. Hopefully by that time I would have everything I needed in order to make sure I'd never have to leave her again.
~oOo~
A/N: The next chapter will be the last followed by an epilouge. We're coming to the end of our journey together. Thank you again for reading! Each of you have made this ride worth taking. Harleys to each of you!