Authors Note: We're back with Amara and crew for this chapter. It starts to show Alistair's decent and we pick up another character. As I said in a couple of PMs, the Alistair thing is not what you think… hang on, it's a bumpy ride. Please review and let me know what you think!

-O-

Chapter 26 – Pain, comfort and rejection

Amara

The soft green grass tickled her toes as Amara leisurely walked across the lush meadow carrying her shoes. It was a cool early summer late afternoon, the sun was starting to lower itself in the sky casting long shadows across the field. She stopped to pick a few wildflowers that grew in the shade of a tall oak tree, her long auburn hair blowing in the soft breeze. She decided to rest under the tree, the cool moss at base of the oak provided an idea place to sit. Amara laid her shoes down and leaned back against the rough bark of the trunk. She felt peace here, the tension in her mind and body drained away as she shut her eyes… this was her private paradise. If she concentrated hard enough she could bend the Fade to create this beautiful meadow from the cold shaded dream realm.

Amara realized she could do it shortly after they left Flemeth's cottage but she told no one, afraid they would tell her to stop. This was the only place she had any relief from all of the stress and problems she had to deal with when she was awake, she did not want to give this up. Amara could always bend the Fade but never to this extent, she was never able to construct something so realistic. She only change existing landscapes or tore down the disguises of demons. It just seemed right, like something she should be able to do.

Her revere was lost when she felt a presence in her special meadow. Annoyance flashed through her as she let out a heavy sigh. Some foolish and soon to be dead demon must have stumbled across her little haven in the Fade. Amara slipped her shoes back on and stood up as her eyes searched the landscape for the intruder. They were near but it was not easy to see where, whatever type of demon it was, it was strong enough to hide itself. Her eyes narrowed as she walked around the side of the tree's trunk, it was close… Amara spun around ready to confront the entity that had broken her solitude but there was nothing there. She turned to finish her search around the tree when a voice caused her to stop.

"Hello my Amara…" His rich voice caressed her ears and sent shivers down her spine. Amara felt him behind her, she did not turn to face him… she just stood there frozen, her heart beating erratically as fear and desire overwhelmed her. "I have searched for you for days…" he said softly, his hot breath on the back of her neck caused Amara to inhale sharply. Miel's arms slid under hers wrapping tightly around her waist pulling her to him. Amara felt powerless as his body pressed against hers sending a rush of heat to her very core. "I've missed you," he said as he nuzzled the side of her neck. A whimper escaped her lips as the sensations raced through her body leaving her trembling. Amara could not deny that a part of her has longed for this even though she knows what he is. The feeling she had experienced when she was with him for those five days came rushing back to her. When his lips caressed the skin on her neck, her control nearly broke as her body reacted to him. Fear surged through Amara drawing her back to her senses, the reality of what he was gave her strength she didn't know she possessed.

"No!" Amara hissed as she pulled away from him, nearly falling in her haste to put distance between them. She spun to face him, a million things flashed through her mind to say to him… the betrayal and anger she felt building inside of her. Miel stood there with confusion in his pale green eyes, his handsome face marred with a frown. He took a step towards her, his hand reaching out for her. Amara backed away, her eyes glaring at his hand as if it was a viper. "Don't," was all she could say as she continued to back away from him. He stopped and pulled his hand back, a sad understanding filled his eyes. Amara's emotions were in turmoil, she was angry, hurt, and afraid… but when she saw the sadness in his eyes she felt her heart break. Disgust at her own reaction to him made the anger burn hot within her. Bitter tears she knew she couldn't hold back anymore cascaded down her cheeks. "Did it amuse you to keep me with you those days? Did you enjoy my ignorance Urthemiel?" she sobbed, resentment and anger filled her broken voice. "Why did you toy with me? Why didn't you just take me that first night after the joining?" Miel looked like she had just slapped him, his eyes filled with regret and self-loathing.

"You were never my plaything Amara. I did not lie to you, I truly love you … more than I felt myself capable of. These feelings were not expected, in all of my existence I have never felt something so strongly," he said as he took a small step forward, his eyes pleading. "You may now only see as the beast but that is not who I am my Amara. I am the man that held you when you slept." Miel said as he placed a hand over his heart. "I am the man that cared for you in you were weakened," he said as he took another step forward. "I am the man that reveled in every sweet kiss of your lips…." He stepped again, closing the distance between them. "I am still that man here in this place…," he gestured around them, "the man that loves you with every fiber of his being." He knelt down before her and gently took hold her hands. Amara didn't fight him, his words pulled at her heart. "Please believe me Amara… your love is the only thing that gives me the strength to keep the beast away from this realm. It is the only hope that I have left… the one light in my darkness," he said despairingly, his eyes full of pain. Amara felt her resolve shatter when she saw that pain, she knew that his suffering was not a lie. She felt herself drop to her knees as she pulled her hands free from his. Amara reached out and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and pulled him to her, his head resting on her shoulder as she embraced him. He was Urthemiel… the Archdemon of the Fifth Blight but here he was just a broken man, his pain she could not ignore. Her arms pulled him tight as her cheek rested on the top of his head, his arms wrapped around her waist, holding on to her as if she would disappear at any moment. His hands clutched the fabric of her dress as Amara felt his body start to tremble. She pulled him tighter and kissed the top of his head as Miel's tears soaked through the shoulder of her dress. She couldn't abandon him, she knew that now… he was a part of her as much as she was of him… their fates were joined in this madness.

"There is so much darkness, it hurts Amara… it never stops hurting. I cannot escape the corruption. It is devouring me Amara… every day I am less… every day it takes more away from me," he whispered hoarsely. Amara felt her eyes sting as her tears started to fall again, she wished she could fix this … more than anything she just wanted to take his pain away. Why did this have to happen to them? They could have been so happy, she thought. Amara started to gently rub his back as she left soft kisses in his hair, without thinking about it her magic ignited. A warm blue glow spread from under her finger tips as they trailed through his hair and down his back, she felt him relax in her arms. Miel shifted and laid his head down on her lap, his arm still wrapped tightly around her thighs. Amara rested her hand on his forehead as her other continued to gently caress his back, her magic adding to her soft touch. Amara felt her heart ache for Miel, hopelessness filled her, she desperately wanted to help him. She watched as his worried brow relaxed and his pale green eyes wet with tears fluttered closed, from his even breathing she knew he had drifted off into a deep sleep. Soon he would awaken back in the Deep Roads trapped in his dragon form, back to the agony and madness and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Amara looked down at his face, so peaceful and handsome in his slumber, she gently caressed his cheek… it all became too much for her then and she quietly wept, the pain and longing wrenching at her heart. Amara stayed there with him under the oak tree for what seemed like hours. She wanted to stay longer to comfort him, to just to be with him… then it was ripped away from her in an instant.

"Amara… wake up, it's your watch," called Alistair.

-O-

She threw her blanket off and sat up, Amara felt the dampness on her face and reached a cautious finger up and wiped some of the drying tears away.

"Are you ok?" asked Alistair, his voice full of concern as he hovered over her. Amara quickly wiped the rest of the tears away from her puffy eyes.

"I'm fine," she said shortly as she got up from her bedroll and headed for the small camp fire. Alistair followed behind her much to her chagrin, all she wanted was to be left alone. Seeing Miel in the Fade had bothered her and left her feeling exhausted. She just wanted time to think about what just happened. "I said I was fine Alistair," she said more curtly this time hoping he would take the hint and leave her be. He seemed to hesitate for a moment but then took a seat near the fire. Amara sighed a stared at the dancing flames, Miel's words haunting her. They made her think about so many thing she tried to bury since leaving Flemeth's cottage.

"Nightmares? It's common for Grey Wardens to have them… especially during a Blight," Alistair said. "I see the Archdemon sometimes… a large black dragon." Amara had to stifle a bitter laugh… her dreams about the Archdemon were a bit different. He looked at her expectantly as if waiting for her to tell him about her dream.

"You can go to sleep, I can take over the watch," Amara said abruptly, she did not wish to discuss it with him, he would not understand… no one would. Amara waited for him to leave but he didn't, he just quietly sat there watching the fire. Amara did her best to ignore him, she got up and retrieved the small copper pot nearby and returned to her tent for the herbs she needed for some tea. She felt some of her annoyance fade as she busied herself with mixing the herbs she needed to make a strong tea. A glance out of the corner of her eye confirmed he was still sitting by the fire where she had left him.

"Is there something you need Alistair?" she asked as she poured some water into the pot and hung it over the fire. She returned to her seat a few feet away from Alistair next to the small fire. He gave her a shy smile and reached into the bag that hung at his waist.

"I have something for you," he said as he moved closer to her. "I found it in Lothering the other day…" Amara gave him a puzzled look, they haven't really had a chance to talk since they left Lothering. She watched as he pulled a beautiful red rose from the bag and held it out to her, Amara just stared at it. She didn't know how to react or what to say. "I found it by growing by the smithy in Lothering… I thought, how could something so beautiful grow in a place full of such suffering and ugliness? In a lot of ways it reminds me of you… someone so beautiful should not have to face all of the ugliness of this world alone… Anyway, I wanted you to have it… as a token of my affection," he said nervously as he leaned closer holding the rose out to her. Amara's throat was suddenly painfully dry and she felt her stomach twist into knots.

"Alistair… I can't accept this," she said sadly. "It wouldn't be right…" She watched the confusion and hurt play out on his face.

"I don't understand… what do you mean it wouldn't be right?"

"Aedan just died a few weeks ago…" she said softly. "You are a dear friend to me Alistair… it just wouldn't be right," she tried to explain.

"But at the bears… I know you felt that. Maker Amara… I know you felt that… attraction" he argued. Amara shook her head.

"What we felt was just the pull of the bond... it took our friendship warped it into something that it's not. Please understand Alistair… it's not what you think. You are my friend… I'm just not ready for anything like that… not after Aedan or Miel." She hoped that would be enough for him, she really didn't want to get into what happened in the Fade tonight. Alistair just sat there, his face tense as he stared at the fire.

"Wow… so the Archdemon had more of a chance with you than someone like me?" he said finally. "I can understand Aedan… a noble from Highever. How could I ever compete with someone like that? But now he is gone… that just leaves just the Archdemon. I actually thought I had a shot against an evil dragon… I guess not," he stood up angrily and threw the rose into the fire. Amara flinched as the flower burst into green flames as the spell preserving the rose burned away. She was left speechless by Alistair's outburst, she just stared at him, her eyes wide with shock. Alistair waited for a moment for her to say something when she didn't he glared at her, "figures…" he said as he spun around and walked off into the trees. Amara pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, holding herself tight. She stared into the fire and watched as the rose started to burn away, tears started to roll down her cheeks as the delicate petals blackened and withered in the flames.

-O-

"There are several people ahead, just over the rise," Amara said to Lena as they walked down the muddy road. Early morning rains had not only soaked everything she owned but it had turned the road into a slick mess that covered her boots and the bottom of her cloak. It just added to her already foul mood due to lack of sleep. Alistair had not returned until well after her watch ended last night. She laid awake in her tent worried about him, hoping that he was ok. She also hoped that when he got back he would be the normal happy Alistair. When they gathered for breakfast he wouldn't even look at her, he was obviously still upset so she decided to not press the issue and left him alone. It made her feel alone and awkward, she had gotten use to his company since Ostagar. Throughout the morning the tension continued to build especially after an argument between Lena and Alistair. Amara wished she gone with Ser Bryant at this point, he had offered to escort her to Redcliffe. She could have taken a boat to the Circle from there... a far better option than this.

"Anything else?" asked the elf as she pulled her bow out from under her cloak. Amara closed her eyes and listened to the babbling of the trees, they were exceptionally vague this morning.

"A wagon… it's broken. That's about as much information as we are going to get," she said apologetically. Lena nodded as she readied her bow.

"It's better than walking into it blindly," she said with a shrug. She waved the others forward, Amara fell in next to Morrigan as they started to climb the muddy hill.

"You did the right thing," the witch said quietly. Amara knew Morrigan had overheard the encounter with Alistair last night. Thankfully Morrigan didn't finish her statement with an 'I told you so'… she was in no mood for her rancor today. Amara just glanced over at her and nodded.

"I know but I feel horrible," Amara said as she pulled her hood down since the rain had stopped. "I never expected him to act like that. He was so angry… he still is."

"'Tis the bond… it amplifies things. He'll be fine in a couple days once his mediocre mind understands 'tis for the best," Morrigan said dismissively. She pulled her staff from her shoulder as they started to crest the hill. They reached the top of the small hill and were able to see what awaited them. A small covered wagon was off to the side of the road, one of the wheels was removed. There were several people walking around the area a few were working on the wheel while others idly standing under the trees. One person stood out, a tall handsome elf with golden hair and dark red cloak was standing in the center of road. He seemed to be the one in charge, he was giving orders to the others. He turned when he saw them approaching and rushed over to meet them.

"Hello my friends!" he said as he reached them. He was dressed in a fine tunic and leathers, it seemed inappropriate for travel, especially on a muddy desolate road. "We appear to be having a bit of wagon trouble on this fine morning," he said flashing them a charming grin. Amara couldn't help but feel relaxed in his presence, his smile was contagious. The only thing that bothered her was that his eyes seemed to study them, it unnerved Amara a bit when his eyes landed on her and lingered before moving to Alistair. She watched as his smile broadened as he looked at her fellow Grey Warden. "Alistair? Is that you?" he asked. Alistair nodded and pulled his helm off. This struck Amara as being odd, this fancily dressed elf didn't seem like someone Alistair would know.

"Hello Zevran," he said as he shook the elf's hand. "I thought you were taking the south road?" Alistair gave him a puzzled look. "How did you get ahead of us? I thought you were not leaving Lothering for a couple days…" Zevran smiled and shook his head.

"After my adventures with our lovely barmaid I decided to leave after I heard about the evacuation orders. The south road was too full, it is good we came north… after these rains the south road would have been impassible," he said pointing down at the mud. Alistair nodded and led Zevran towards the rest of the group and started introducing him to their companions. Amara noticed that several of the strangers that were near the wagon were now watching them intently. She stepped behind Argos trying to make herself less noticeable, for some reason the stares from the elf's companions made her nervous. Alistair stopped several paces away from her and gestured towards her.

"That's Amara," he said dismissively, his voice still hard. Amara frowned at his tone, she reached out to shake Zevran's hand. The elf gave Alistair a confused look and shrugged, he took ahold of her hand and brought it to his lips.

"Ah the lovely Amara," Zevran said after he brushed a lingering kiss across her knuckles causing her to blush. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you… and I must say your beauty was grossly understated," he said while giving her an intense look. Amara felt flustered at such a comment and direct look from a stranger.

"Uh thank you… I think," she stammered. Zevran laughed merrily and gave her a charming smile while tucking her arm around his as he led her towards the wagon. Amara caught a glimpse of Alistair out of the corner of her eye as they walked past, he made no attempt to hide his anger, his mouth twisted into a sneer. She quickly looked away, unsure who exactly he was angry at… her or Zevran.

"My lovely Amara, I have a favor to ask you if I may be so bold," he said as he slowly led her away from her companions. "Alistair mentioned you were a healer… I happen have a helper that damaged their ankle while trying to pull the wagon out of rut. Do you think that you could heal them for me? I would be in your debt…" he said as they neared the wagon. Amara smiled at him and nodded.

"Of course, I will heal them and you will not owe me anything… I don't charge for healing," she said.

"Oh but I am very flexible on the many ways you may wish to be paid for your services," he said suggestively giving her another intense look. Amara felt her cheeks burn she quickly diverted her eyes and looked down at her boots.

"Uh… that won't be necessary. Just show me the gentleman needs my help," she muttered uncomfortably. Zevran chuckled and waved her over to the wagon.

"Here we are my dear… is there anything that you need from me?" he asked as he started to pull open the canvas at the back of the wagon. Amara shook her head and pulled her green herb bag from her shoulder.

"No I should be fine…" Amara felt a sharp pain in the side of her neck. Her hand immediate went to her the source… her fingers found a thin dart protruding from the side of her neck. A burning sensation spread down the side of her neck to her arm and chest. She quickly pulled the dart out and looked at Zevran who just stood there smiling at her.

"My apologies dear Amara... a job is a job," he said with a shrug. Amara fell to her knees as the burning spread throughout her body. She was completely unaware of the fighting that had erupted around her, the only thing she could focus on was the pain. Amara reached down and grabbed handfuls of the grass by her knees and started to draw power from the ground. Her magic burst to life encasing her entire body in a bright blue light, she felt the burning pain ebb away.

"Impossible!" Zevran said as he reached into his belt and pulled out a small dagger. He came at her quickly attempting to cut her with the blade. Amara focused her power on the elf, she threw him back into the side of the wagon then froze him in place. She stood up and looked at him, his eyes were wide with fear as he stood paralyzed before her. Amara looked around the area at the others… they had been outnumbered but were quickly dispatching the attackers. Amara turned to find Morrigan lying on the ground, she could see the tip of a dart imbedded in her neck. Amara bent down and picked up the dart that was in her own neck moments before. She smelled the tip… Magebane! With the flick of her wrist the dart was pulled from Morrigan's neck and dropped to the ground. A blue glow settled over Morrigan as Amara removed the poison from her blood. She turned her attention to the remaining men… one by one they fell to the ground, their necks broken… she did as Morrigan had suggested that one night by the fire. Amara looked at the elf before her, she was ready to do the same to him but she needed to know why.

"Who are you?" she asked as relaxed her hold on him… allowing him to speak. Before she could get any answers from their prisoner Alistair rushed to her side spinning her to face him and grabbing her arms.

"Amara! Are you ok? I'm so sorry!" he babbled pulling her into a rough embrace, he was barely coherent. She tried to push away, his armor was digging into her skin but he still held her tight. "I was worried… I'm so sorry." He had a frenzied look in his eyes as he held on to her.

"Alistair you are hurting me, please let me go," she groaned as she tried to push him away again, this time with her magic… it didn't work. Why didn't it work? Alistair face blanched when he realized what he was doing and let go of her immediately.

"I'm sorry Amara… I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry…" Lena pushed her way past the others to stand next to Amara.

"Yeah we get it Alistair… your sorry. Now move!" she snapped as she shoved him. She pulled her dagger out and held it to Zevran's neck. "I think you have some questions to answer… I'm sure you know the drill," Lena said as she glared at the blond elf.

"My life is already forfeit… why should I tell you anything if that is what you are bargaining with?" Zevran said as he smirked at Lena. "I find that I tend to be more cooperative if I have a reason to be…" Lena's eyes narrowed at the elf.

"What do you want?" she asked. Zevran smiled at her.

"My life and my freedom of course… anything less and you get nothing from me," he said with a schooled grin on his face.

"Just kill him… this is pointless," quipped Morrigan.

"What do I get in return?" asked Lena as she toyed with her dagger in her hand.

"A name," he said and then he smiled. "And a Crow that is in your service…" Amara heard Leliana gasp.

"Why would the Antivan Crows attack us? Who here could have that kind of mark?" Leliana asked, her voice was uneasy. Amara frowned, she had no idea what a 'crow' was other than the bird.

"A crow?" she whispered to Leliana.

"They are a group of highly trained Antivan assassins… some say the best in Thedas," she explained. Amara felt her stomach fall… who could they want? Amara watched as Lena pursed her lips, she could tell that the elf was considering the assassins offer.

"Alright deal," she said nonchalantly and turned to walk away.

"Have you lost your mind?" yelled Alistair. "He just tried to kill Amara and you are just going to let him go."

"Oh I wasn't trying to kill her my brawny friend… I was attempting to capture her. She is my mark…" said the Crow. "I will tell you more if you let me go…" Before anyone could argue Amara let him go. He stretched his arms and sighed in relief. "Many thanks…"

"Why did you try to capture me?" Amara asked, she was in shocked that anyone would single her out.

"You my lovely mage are a wanted woman… a very rich, very well connected magister named Aurelian Titus has a contract out for your capture," he said. "We do not get many Tevinter contracts like this… I see now why you are wanted. I have never had Magebane fail to render a mage incapacitated. You my lovely Amara are quite special… your contract was one of the highest in Crow history." Amara was shocked, why would some magister from Tevinter want her?

"I don't understand why anyone would do that… how would they even know who I am?" she asked, her voice full of apprehension. Zevran just shrugged.

"We do not ask why when we take a contract…" he said as he walked over to Lena and bowed. "I am in your service my lovely Grey Warden… what would you like me to do for you… or to you?" he said with the wag of his eyebrows. Lena just stared at him before she gave him a measured smile.

"I'd like you to guard Amara," she said. "If you try anything again I will have her snap your neck like your companions here." Amara thought she saw a hint of worry flicker across his eyes before he nodded and smiled at Lena.

"I will guard her with my life," he said gallantly as he bowed. This did not make Amara feel any better… the assassin made her uncomfortable with all his stares and suggestive remarks.

"No absolutely not!" Alistair bellowed. "Amara already has someone to guard her… she doesn't need one that will try to kidnap her at his first chance."

"Don't be an idiot Alistair," Lena hissed. "If that contract is as big as he said we'll need all the help we can get to protect her. Besides who better to guard against the Crows than a Crow."

"We can't trust him!" Alistair said in a low voice, there was an edge of panic to it.

"Do you even know anything about Crows?" she asked her voice weary with annoyance. "He failed so he's as good as dead with the Crows… staying with us is the only thing he can do until the contract runs its course."

"And when is that?" asked Alistair.

"Until the lovely Amara is dead or brought to Titus… Or when Titus is dead… until then she is at risk," said Zevran. Alistair threw his arms up in the air.

"This is great… just great," he muttered as he pushed past the others. In a way Amara could understand why he was upset but Lena did make sense. She doubted anything would make Alistair see reason or calm down at this point.

"Well my lovely Amara… it seems like we are going to be spending a lot of time together no?" said Zevran as he slinked up next to her. Amara turned and glared at him.

"Let's get a couple things straight… I don't appreciate the stares and the innuendos… so stop. If you don't… just know necks are not the only things I can snap," she said as gave the elf a pointed look. Zevran held his hands up in surrender.

"Very well my Lady… I will mind my manners. Can you come to the wagon? There actually are people inside that could use your healing." Amara raised her eyebrow at him. "I do not lie my Lady… it is the two dwarves I stole the wagon from… they have a bump the head," he said reluctantly. "Ok, maybe more than just one bump." Zevran led her over to the wagon and pulled back the canvas and climbed inside. Amara walked to the end of the wagon and peered inside, there were two dwarves tied up laying in the back of the wagon. Zevran cut their bonds and ungagged them, Amara immediately sent a wave of healing to them. The younger dwarf sat up and looked at her…

"Enchantments?" he muttered before passing back out.

-O-