Arthur couldn't help the quailing of his heart as he stared at the furious visage of Merlin. God, he knew he had screwed up but he's never seen Merlin this angry with him. He was very nearly livid.

The fireplace casting shadows over Merlin's face, he seemed much larger than he was in reality. And from Arthur's seat he felt like Merlin was a giant, staring down at him.

"You called me useless." Merlin's voice was chipped ice. Arthur tried to speak but Merlin simply rode over him.

"No! You called me a useless buffoon who never does anything right." Merlin crossed his arms, trying to quell the shaking.

"Actually, I think you exact words were, "Dammit Merlin you useless buffoon! Get the fuck out of here before I drag you to the pyre myself. You never do a fucking thing right." Arthur flinched as his words were thrown back into his teeth. It had been in the middle of a skirmish when he said that, adrenaline pumping through his veins and then he had seen Merlin, just standing there.

"Merlin, I…" Arthur tried to speak, to appeal when Merlin raised his hand again.

"No, Pendragon!" Arthur's heart sunk as he heard his last name, "It hurts me that you said them, and it makes me angry because you should know that they're not true. I can and have done things right, maybe not all the time, but a whole lot better than other people could have. And you know what?" Merlin leaned forward, "I was frightened. You scared me Arthur!" Arthur stared in horror as fear crossed Merlin's blue eyes.

"What you said," Merlin bit his lip, "I'll drag you to the pyre myself.' That scared me so much," he closed his eyes tightly, "not only did I hope to never hear you say such a thing, I actually believed you then. That you would burn me. I believed that you would have carried through with it… that you meant it." Tears were dotting his eyes, and Arthur was shocked to see his hands shaking.

"I'm so angry, and I'm so hurt and scared and I don't know what you will do next. A few days ago, you hit me over the head because I dropped something. It physically hurt. But all you did was order me to clean it up and get back to work. You didn't even apologize." Merlin took a deep, shaky breath, crossing his arms over himself.

"I had hoped, since we have what…what we have, this thing between us. I had hoped that you would see me differently. You know of my magic, you know of my…my love for you, you know of the destiny that brought us here, but…I don't know what you think about it all. I'm living in terror here because one minute you're this loving, gentle prince and the next you're cold and hard. Just like your father." Arthur flinched.

Merlin collected himself, "That is why…why I've decided to go back to Ealdor." Arthur half rose from his chair. Merlin cut a hand in a violent motion, "No! This…this is a certain. If I can't feel welcomed or safe here around you who knows everything, then where can I be safe." He met Arthur's eyes, "So I'm leaving your service my lord. It was an honor." Merlin cut a bow and then strode towards the door.

Arthur was frozen for a second and a half, before he registered that yes, Merlin was walking to the door and if he didn't do something now, he would lose him forever.

With a startled cry, Arthur ripped himself from his seat, leaping to where Merlin was and slammed his hands on the open door, locking Merlin in the cage of his arms. Arthur didn't lean and try to touch him, because he saw how Merlin tensed. Merlin didn't move from his spot, didn't turn around, even though he could feel Arthur's breath on the back of his neck.

"Let me go Arthur. I'm not staying." Merlin spoke.

Arhutr shook his head, "You've said your piece now let me say mine, please." His voice was shaky.

"I, Merlin…" Arthur to a breath to calm himself, he wanted to do this right.

"I am the prince of Camelot, and my father is Uther Pendragon. You know his views on magic,-No let me speak!" he cried as Merlin scoffed and tried to turn. "If my father had his way, in about two year's I'll be married and already working on an heir. Magic would be gone, and he would be a happy man."

Arthur continued, staring at the back of Merlin's head, "In you, I see the end of all my father's happiness." Merlin twitched at this, and Arthur surged forward, "I dream at night and I see you and me on the throne, you there by my side, correcting me when I need it, caring for me in ways that my subjects and whatever political bride wouldn't be able to give me. I see you free in using your magic, teaching and helping those who have it, or need help with it, protecting me and the kingdom from harmful magic. I see myself in love with a man who deserves more."

Arthur swallowed, "Because you deserve more than me. Hell, you deserve the sun itself for what you've done, for me, and Camelot. I don't say…say it a lot. I don't say a lot of things a lot that I should." Arthurs gave a humorless laugh. Merlin turned his head to the ceiling.

"But Merlin, God, Merlin it's only at night that I can hope for such a wonderful life. But it's now, with my father here. And I'm, so scared." Arthur's voice broke and he suddenly had to stem a flood of tears he never knew he could have.

"I'm scared because if I ever saw you killed; if I ever saw you hurt like that it would destroy me. I'm scared because all I see at night and during the day is your face, and all I ever want to touch is you or your skin. I'm scared because I fucking love you so much I would forsake this entire fucking world for your safety." Merlin's shoulders began to shake.

"I'm terrified because I know I can't keep you safe. Your magic is something I still marvel at because I don't understand it; it's just something that could potentially harm you. My entire life, what I've been working for, all of it has narrowed down to you and I'm so scared because I didn't know I could love somebody so much. I wasn't thinking at all today because you were just standing there, your eyes flashing that beautiful gold and men were flying and all I could think of was your face covered in flames."

"I'm sorry." Arthur sobbed, "I'm so sorry that you have to take care of me. I'm so sorry that I'm not what you need, I'm sorry I can't give you everything you deserve. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I love you. I shouldn't I know, I, I'm just." Arthur bit his lip and pulled his shaking arms away from the door, squeezing his eyes shut as hard as he could.

He was blubbering, but the emotions that were surging through him were too powerful to stop. He turned away, tottering to the chair he had left vacant and collapsed, putting his face between his knees and wrapping his arms around his head in a position he often used as a child to hide.

Arthur was so wrapped in the utter fearloveself-disgustwanthopedefeathorror that he didn't hear Merlin until he knelt at his feet.

Arthur's head surged up and he met Merlin's own tears streaked face.

"You royals," Merlin said, a cynic smile trying to rise, "you always bottle it all up." And he pulled Arthur's head into his arms and they both broke into each other.

The good thing about breaking apart, you get to be rebuilt.