Chapter 26 – Aftermath

Suddenly, I was pinned to the ground by Alice. I growled, my animal instincts reacting to being attacked. "What the hell Alice!"

"Stop it. Don't even think about leaving her right now." Jasper, Emmett and Rose started growling at the idea of leaving, and their thoughts had turned violent. "Did you see what happened as soon as you made the decision to leave, or where you so absorbed in your self-pity you missed it?"

I shrugged, throwing Alice off of me and stood up. "What?"

Instead of showing me the vision she had, she explained it out loud, knowing if my family heard they would jump on the band wagon of being upset with me. "Simple. I saw Bella dead before Christmas and you following soon after." I shook my head; it wasn't possible. "Yes, dear brother. I didn't need to look in Bella's future to see it. Your decision would tear this entire family apart; Jasper would leave to get away from the guilt, and I would follow. Emmett and Rose wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt that Carlisle and Esme would carry. The whole family would be gone!"

"No!" I shouted tearing at my hair.

Esme came and sat next to me. "Edward, it's ok. We'll figure it out. I promise; it'll be ok."

I kept shaking my head. "No it won't. Don't you understand? We are always going to be a threat to her. She did nothing wrong, and now because of a bump on her head, she almost ended up dead, is covered in blood, and is being stitched up. She did nothing wrong!" I yelled.

Jasper kept a mantra, apologizing in his thoughts, and it was making me mad. "Jasper! Stop it. I know you didn't mean to lunge at Bella." I started pacing. I no longer had the ability to sit still; I was too agitated. I was mad, I was mad at Jasper. I was mad at myself. I was even mad at Bella, which made no sense. The fact was, this was inevitable. If a human hung around with vampires, this exact thing was going to happen.

My family's thoughts were overpowering, full of pity and concern. I knew they meant well, but hearing them was tearing at me. I needed to get away. As I turned to run Alice called out. "I'll be watching. If you do anything stupid, I will hurt you!" I knew it wasn't an idle threat.

I ran to get away from my family. I ran to get away from the monster that wanted to go back and drink from Bella, still savoring the smell of that elixir draining from her. I ran to get away from myself and my thoughts, hoping I could outrun them, yet knowing I couldn't. I ran and kept running, no destination in mind.

After a time, I felt my phone vibrate. I considered not answering. Only knowing it could be Carlisle with news on Bella caused me to check it. It was Carlisle; I turned from the direction I was in, already heading home, without even hearing what he had to say yet.

"Hello"

"I just dropped Bella off at home. She's fine. Why don't you come back for a minute? I can discuss her injuries, then you can check on her."

I took note of where I was. "I should be home in forty-five minutes." I closed my phone and continued home, letting my thoughts drift to Bella, knowing I would never see her again, unless I spied her from afar. How scared she had to be when all I could do was focus on my thirst and not on her. I truly was a monster.

I got home and took note that my entire family was there. Through their thoughts I could see that Carlisle had talked to them and let them know Bella was fine. He was talking to Jasper, trying to assuage the guilt Jasper was carrying and filling the whole house with.

I walked into the room, saying nothing and looking at no one. My family noted how disheveled and upset I was. I ignored it all. All that mattered was Bella, and if she would at least let me say goodbye.

Carlisle came up to me. Edward, look at me. I took a deep breath and looked up into my mentor's eyes, expecting censure or judgment for having come so close to killing a human in our house; not just any human, but one who had formed a bond of sorts with each one of us. Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. I don't blame you, and you can't blame yourself. Bella doesn't blame you either.

I snorted.

Carlisle quirked a brow at me. You don't believe me? Let me show you.

**********

Edward, Esme and Rose left. I approached Bella, who was cowering in the corner with her heart racing. I moved slowly and started talking to her in soothing tones, trying to get her to understand I wasn't a threat to her. She focused on me immediately, which gave me pause. She wasn't acting like she was in shock, but she had to be.

"Bella, are you ok?' She nodded clutching her bleeding arm in her hand against her chest. "I'm going to come in the bathroom. I need to look at your arm. Is that ok?"

Bella nodded again. I slowly walked in and held my hand out for her to place her arm in. I kept my eyes on Bella's eyes, so she knew I wasn't overcome with thirst, planning to come after her. I quickly glanced at her arm and saw nothing that led me to believe we needed to rush to the hospital, but she would need a few stitches.

I looked right back in her eyes. "Can you stand up? I would like to get you in my office. A few of those cuts need stitches, and all of them need cleaning."

Bella started to get up, but flinched. I grabbed her arm as gently as I could, yet with enough force to offer help. She again flinched; I couldn't tell if it was from fear or pain. I couldn't do anything about either at this point, so I kept going.

She walked slowly up to my office where I had a medical kit and a fireplace. Both would be of use right then. I sat Bella in a chair and quickly went to the fireplace to start a small fire. I then left for a few seconds to wash my hands. I came back into the office to see Bella hadn't moved at all.

I walked slowly towards her, unsure of what her response was going to be. I gestured towards her arm. "May I have a better look at that now?" Bella held her arm out to me. Her shirt was in the way of some of the cuts. "Bella, can we take your shirt off so I can get a better look at your arm? You're going to need stitches, and I can't do it with the shirt on." Bella's already white complexion paled more. "I promise I won't hurt you or take advantage of you."

Bella swallowed and her heart raced; she was starting to have a full fledge panic attack. "Ok, never mind. Keep your shirt on. Since it's already ruined, would it be ok if I cut the sleeve to get at the cuts?"

Bella's eyes took a minute to focus on me. I could see she was trying to process what I said, but she was so caught in her head, she couldn't make sense of it.

"Breathe, Bella, breathe. Your shirt stays on. I'll just cut it. Ok?" Bella nodded with short jerky movements. I gently held her arm as I dug in my bag for a scissors. I cut her sleeve away, tearing open a few cuts that had already started closing. I cleaned her arm with a rag I had brought with me after I washed my hands. She slowly composed herself, and her breathing evened out.

"Have you had stitches before?" I asked preparing a local numbing agent for the few deeper cuts.

Bella chuckled lightly, which surprised me. She didn't appear to be going into shock, but she shouldn't be laughing either. "Carlisle, you've seen me walk. Do you think this is the first time I've had stitches?"

It appeared she was joking. Huh. Bella could obviously handle a lot. I smiled at her, acknowledging her penchant for falling down. "I suppose you've had stitches a few times, is that what you're saying?"

Bella smiled. "Maybe once before." Then she winked at me.

I was starting to get nervous; this really wasn't a normal reaction to what Bella had gone through. As I was injecting places on her arm, I continued talking to her. "You seem to be taking this rather well."

Bella tilted her head considering. "I'm worried about Edward and Jasper, but I know I'm fine."

"You don't need to worry about them; we won't let them hurt you. Even though Edward is drawn to your blood, he was able to stop himself. As for Jasper, that isn't typical, I know he struggles more than the rest of us, having come to our lifestyle later than the rest. I don't know what happened tonight, but I promise I'll talk to him and see what needs to be done so it doesn't happen again. We'll keep you safe."

"No, Carlisle, you misunderstand me. I'm worried about them, how they're doing right now. Knowing Edward, and the little I know of Jasper, I'm sure they're beating themselves up; they shouldn't be. This was my fault. I'm such a klutz. This wouldn't happen if you weren't so generous as to allow me in your lives. I'm causing problems."

I sighed. Her fault? I couldn't wrap my head around that. I had known people with martyr complexes in my years on earth, but this was highly unnatural.

"Bella, this wasn't your fault. It wasn't really anyone's."

Bella looked me dead in the eyes and said with no hesitation and in a voice that was eerie in its tone, "no, it's my fault. It's always my fault. Others must suffer because of my misdeeds."

I stopped what I was doing and looked at Bella, wishing Jasper was here. He was much better suited to deal with something like this. I was able and willing to put people's bodies back together, but Jasper had the expertise to put their minds and emotions back together. I considered what I should say while I started stitching up Bella's arm.

"Everything isn't your fault. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over; that doesn't mean we caused it."

Bella watched me stitch her arm, never making a noise or shedding a tear. "It's my fault. I'm a bad person. I do bad things." Her voice held the same eerie; almost sing song quality to it. She was parroting something that had been told to her; who or why, I had no clue. Listening to it was causing a shiver to run up my spine. I continued stitching in silence, not knowing what else to say.

I was almost done when Bella shifted slightly. I made no comment. Up until that point she had held herself ridged not moving a muscle, again an unconventional reaction. I hoped this meant she was breaking out of whatever paradigm she had been existing in since the accident.

I looked up and saw her peering at me in confusion, not the placid face she was wearing earlier. I raised an eye brow at her, but said nothing.

"How can you do that?" she blurted out.

"Do what?"

"Stitch me up. I'm covered in blood. Why aren't you affected like the rest?"

I smiled. "Practice, years and years of practice. I see my becoming a vampire as giving me enhanced abilities to help people. My speed and strength come in handy. Never getting tired is a considerable advantage in marathon OR sessions; I'm always at the top of my game. Even my sense of smell allows me to diagnose some things."

Bella simply nodded at me. We were quiet as I finished up. I wrapped up her arm and stepped back. "You'll be fine. I'm going to get you some medicine to take the edge off the pain. I'll come see you in a few days to take the stitches out. Ok?"

"No pain medicine, I'll be fine."

"Bella, really, you should take something."

She shrugged. "Fine, give me some pills, but I won't take them."

I sighed, so stubborn. "Ok, I'm going to get you a new shirt; I'm sure Esme has something you can wear. Then I'll take you home. Is that ok?"

Bella gave me a small smile. "That would be great. Thank you, for everything."

I smiled, "Anytime. I consider you part of my family." I left to get her a new shirt letting my words sink in.

*****

I looked at Carlisle in shock. My mind raced through all that had happened while I had been gone; all of Bella's reactions, none of which made sense. I didn't even know what to say at this point. Carlisle nodded, understanding my thoughts or lack thereof.

I ran my hands through my hair. "I'm going to go to Bella's," I said. I was still processing everything Carlisle had shown me: her eerie voice when talking about it being her fault; the lack of negative reaction to what happened; her concern, not for herself but for Jasper and me. I got in my car and drove to Bella's at a slower speed than normal, as my thoughts were consumed with Bella.

I got to her house, to find her in the kitchen, preparing her tea. I smiled. She looked so normal. She was fresh from a shower in baggy sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt, and she was beautiful. When her tea was ready she came outside to her glider. She sat and held her tea running her finger around the rim, not drinking or smelling it. This was a new thing for her. I could only assume she was processing everything that had happened that night.

She stopped and looked up into the woods where I was at. For some reason my breath caught and I couldn't move. In a normal voice Bella spoke. "I know you're out there Edward. Please come here and talk to me."

I was shocked and couldn't move. How did she know I was here? I didn't know what to do. "Edward, stop freaking out and just come sit by me. I know you're probably mad, but I hate apologizing to people I can't see."

I slipped from the tree I was in and slowly walked to where Bella was sitting in her glider. She flicked her glance toward me then looked away. I stopped in front of her and placed my hands in my pockets. I was scared she was going to send me and my family away. I was trying to process how she knew I was there. Had she always known? What did that mean? I didn't know what to say or how to react, part of me sure she was going to ask me to leave for good.

We sat in silence for quite a while. Finally, Bella broke it. "I'm sorry."

I took a deep breath. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Bella let out a humorous laugh. "Did I or did I not, harm your family tonight with my klutzy nature?"

I sighed. "You did not. You tripped, Bella, hardly a crime worth being killed for. You didn't do anything wrong, I did, Jasper did, not you."

Bella shrugged. I could see I wasn't going to convince her. I decided to turn the conversation instead of arguing. "How did you know I was here?"

She looked confused at my question and looked down into her tea cup. "I don't know. I just . . . I always know when you're around." For the first time since she glanced at me when I came out of the woods, she looked at me again. "Can't you tell when I'm around?"

"Of course I can. I can smell your scent over a mile away. I can hear your voice and heart beat through a crowded room. I always know when you're close." I didn't understand; none of that applied to Bella.

"Umm, I don't know. I just can tell when you're around. I know you spend most nights outside my window."

I was appalled that she knew this. "Why have you never said anything?"

"I don't know. You never said anything; nothing bad happened. It took a while for me to even catch on, I felt someone watching me, but once I figured out it was you," she shrugged again, "it just wasn't a big deal." She looked over me. "Sit down Edward; you make me nervous just standing there."

I smiled and sat next to her. I started thinking of the past nights when I would watch Bella looking out her kitchen window, or when she was sitting in this very glider, staring into the woods where I was watching her. She knew it was me. Then I considered her actions after we had kissed. "Bella, is that why, after we kissed, you were out of your house so much that week, why you didn't come home that night or the day after?"

Bella slid me an uneasy glance. "Part of it; it was just easier to think without you watching over me. But that was only part of it; that first night and day, I went to my thinking place. I just needed to get out of my house."

"You have a thinking place?"

"Yeah, just a place to watch the ocean and think. Nothing special." That explained why I could smell the ocean on her. I felt bad that I had caused her to leave her house; I didn't want to do that.

I considered some more. "That's why you turned up your music and went to the basement to take your phone call."

Bella hung her head. "Yeah. Did you still hear?"

I felt horrible at this point. "Well, it's possible I may have been in your kitchen listening while you had that conversation. To be fair, I would have heard you, and most likely Claire, even if I had been outside."

Bella simply nodded. "Are you mad?" I had to ask.

Her brows furrowed. "I should be . . . I guess in some ways I am . . . but no, not really at this point." She snorted. "I honestly don't get it. Normally I hate anyone that does anything for me, but with you I just don't mind as much. You've never harmed me, or made me do anything I don't want to. Sometimes . . . it's comforting? . . . to know someone is out there watching over me. My own personal angel."

"Well the angel part is correct, but it applies to you, not me." Bella shook her head. She turned to ask me something when my phone rang. "One minute," I told her.

I saw it was Carlisle. "Hello," I answered.

"How's Bella?"

I looked at her, she was staring at me. "She's fine." She rolled her eyes and I held back a chuckle, so independent.

"Do you think she's up for visitors?"

"Visitors?" Bella gave me a questioning look. I held a finger up so she'd give me a moment.

"Do you think she'd mind if we came and visited? Jasper wants to talk to her? Is she sleeping yet? I didn't want to call not knowing." Carlisle said.

"One minute, let me ask her." I turned to Bella. "Do you mind if some of my family visits for a few minutes?" She shook her head, but I could read the questions in her eyes. "That's fine Carlisle. We're in the backyard."

I hung up. "It sounds like Jasper wants to talk to you for a bit. Carlisle didn't know if you were still up, so he called me first not wanting to wake you."

"Does your whole family know that you sit outside my house?"

I hung my head. This was truly embarrassing. "Yeah, they know; how could they not? I'm rarely home anymore."

"Is it normal for all of you? Do you sit and watch over humans often?"

I snorted. The idea of watching over humans was ludicrous. "No, we don't watch over humans. Normally it's all we can do to ignore them. I mean, we try to blend in. We don't want to sit at home all day every day doing nothing, so school helps break the monotony. Well it's supposed to, but it's its own monotony. Anyway, we don't usually make it a point to get to know humans. Why bother? We have to leave every few years when people notice we don't age."

"So I'm different?"

"Yeah, Bella, you're different. Alice is the only one of us that tries to make friend with humans. She doesn't remember being one at all, so it's her way of trying to connect. When you went to your first sorority meeting, Alice connected with you. At that point, she wasn't going to leave you alone. When I came back this semester, she asked me to read your thoughts and learn more about you." I felt Bella tense next to me.

"It's ok. Remember I can't read your thoughts." She nodded but the tension didn't leave her shoulders. "When I saw you I was amazed that I couldn't read your thoughts; that had never happened to me before. Then in sociology I met you and smelled your scent, and I was instantly drawn to you because of it.

"At that point, everything became about me keeping you alive. I was terrified I was going to kill you. I didn't know how to prevent it. I decided to get use to your scent, hence why I was here, where your scent is so powerful. Then I stayed because you're very calming; watching you go about, your strength, I didn't want to leave."

Bella was quiet while she considered what I had said. "Will you be leaving soon?"

I shook my head. "No, we're here for a while." I looked at her and saw the concern etched on her face, and I tentatively rubbed her cheek. She looked up at me, and her eyes were so forlorn. "Hey, don't worry. You know what we are, so we don't have to leave you. We'll figure something out. Ok?"

She nodded I then saw another emotion I couldn't place cross her face. "But is that safe? Is it fair for me to stay with you when I am a temptation?"

I sat back and rubbed my face with my hands. Here was the crux of the issue. Bella needed us, but we were a danger to her. "Honestly, Bella, that's something you need to decide." I sat thinking of an analogy. "This isn't a perfect analogy, but it works. Human blood is like heroine. For us, it is all that satisfies. I explained that to you already.

"For Jasper, it's harder. He lived on human blood for decades. Being around humans is a bit like putting a drug addict in a crack house. He's gotten very good at being around humans but sometimes he still struggles. Tonight the suddenness of your bleeding, just shocked and overwhelmed him. He knows this and will most likely be staying away from you just in case."

Bella's shoulder slumped. "I don't want him to leave because of me. You're his family, I should leave."

Jasper stepped out of the woods at that point. He had heard my explanation and had been hanging back to see Bella's reaction. Alice and Carlisle stayed in the woods, not wanting to overwhelm Bella but showing support for Jasper. He walked up to Bella, standing a few feet away. "Please don't do that. "

Bella's head shot up. She hadn't seen Jasper approaching. She stood up and then seemed to hesitate. "Jasper, are you ok?"

I could hear the exasperation of his thoughts. "Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?"

Bella looked confused. I simply shook my head. "I'm fine, Jasper I do worse to myself all the time. It really isn't a big deal."

Jasper took a step closer and motioned for Bella to sit back down. "It's a big deal to me. Can I explain?"

"You don't have to explain, but if it makes you feel better."

Jasper glanced at me, his thoughts concerned with how Bella was taking everything. Her emotions were showing only concern for Jasper, no anger at all. It really isn't natural for her to be so complacent about what happened. I shrugged I had no answers for it either.

Jasper spoke, "Normally I control myself better than that. I haven't slipped in many years. Tonight, everyone was so happy, so playful; the emotions were so wonderful that I basked in it. Your accident happened so suddenly, and all the happy was gone in an instant, I was left with immediate hunger, not only from myself, but I could feel it from each of my family members. It overwhelmed me. I'm sorry."

I could see Bella struggling to stay where she was and not go over to Jasper and offer him comfort. "It's ok Jasper. I don't blame you. It was my fault, I'm klutzy and should watch myself more carefully. It isn't fair that I'm in a house full of vampires, knocking into and tripping on things. Your home should be where you feel safe and not threatened. I took that from you tonight."

"No, Bella, you didn't do anything wrong, it's not your fault. Please don't think that."

Bella simply nodded, though there was nothing in her eyes or demeanor that suggested she agreed with Jasper. He looked at me. This isn't good .She's blaming herself for things she shouldn't. She'll never heal like this. I gave him a tight nod. He was right.

He turned and addressed Bella. "Listen, I'm gonna go, I just wanted to apologize. Please do not stop coming to our house. It would hurt the whole family and make me feel incredibly guilty."

Bella tried to give a smile, "I'll still come over."

Jasper nodded, ran back to the woods, and took off toward home. I sat back watching Bella, who looked upset and confused. "He meant it you know. He still wants you to visit the family as you always have."

Bella shook her head. "I just don't get it. Why are you so forgiving? I should be punished, not forgiven."

I whispered. "Why would you be punished?"

Bella looked off into the distance and shrugged. "Because I was bad and tempted you, which caused you to almost sin."

I was confused, her words making no sense. "Bella, you did nothing wrong. Are you saying God can't forgive you?"

Bella snorted and got up. "God has nothing to do with it." She started walking into her house. "Listen, it's late, I'm going to bed." She walked in and left the door open. I sat there stunned, I had no clue what we had been talking about, or if I was suppose to follow her.

I watched as she rinsed out her tea cup and went upstairs, leaving the door open and the kitchen lights on. She knew that I had been keeping track of her. Was this her way of saying I could come in? I listened to her get ready for bed upstairs. She then shut her bedroom door and climbed under her covers. Normally she didn't shut her bedroom door. I decided this meant I should come in the house, but stay away from her room. I was still confused, but decided to go in.

I spent the night leaning against the wall that connected to Bella's room. I listened all night to her breathing, her talking and her screaming, wishing there was something to take her pain away. While she was in restful slumber I marveled at the implicit trust she had given me by leaving the kitchen door open so I could come in.

As morning dawned, I left my place in the hall and decided I would make Bella breakfast. I hadn't had the opportunity to make breakfast before, so I looked up some simple things on my Blackberry. When Bella came into the kitchen I had a spread of juice, coffee, eggs, sausage and pancakes out for her.

She stopped short when she saw it all. "Edward, you didn't have to do all this!"

I smiled at her. "It's not a problem. It gave me something to do since I was here anyway."

She sat down to eat, picking at her food thinking about something. I sat across from her, waiting for her to open up the conversation but she didn't. Finally I couldn't take it any longer. "Talk to me. Something's bugging you."

She glanced at me, and then looked at her food taking a deep breath. "I talk in my sleep."

The sentence hung in the room. I didn't know what she wanted me to say, so I simply replied. "Yes, you do."

She squirmed a bit. "What have I said?" She refused to look at me.

I contemplated how to answer this. I decided to laugh instead of jumping into the worst of it. "Well, let me see. You've talked about not liking lemons in your spaghetti sauce, whether cows should be allowed to drive cars, if cats should be on boats. Many, many insightful thoughts come from you in your night ponderings." I said with a smile.

She glanced up at me and giggled. "I don't want to know!"

I laughed. "It certainly is more entertaining than watching Emmett play Halo again."

She continued to smile for a bit, and then it faltered. "I was talking though, about my nightmares. What have I said then?"

I sat back and looked at her. "Honestly? Not much. Most of it is incoherent or screams. Sometimes you ask someone to stop, and you've called out my name a few times." I didn't know if I should continue.

Bella nodded. "I haven't said anything else then?"

"No, you haven't." I struggled for a bit but couldn't contain myself. "Though, it seems that I've been hurting you in your sleep." The idea crushed me. Each time she called my name in pain a part of me died again.

Bella looked horrified. "Edward, I've never dreamed of you hurting me."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really? Then when you are screaming my name? What am I doing if I'm not hurting you?"

Bella looked down and picked at her cuffs. "Well, there are two main times you're in my dreams. Either someone is trying to hurt you, and I'm trying to stop them; or I'm searching for you, needing help and can't find you."

I pondered and searched back through all the times I had heard her call my name. In the light she was giving I could see that it was possible I wasn't hurting her. "Thank you. You don't know how I've struggled, thinking you dreamed of me causing you pain."

She nodded, still not looking at me. "What else is bugging you?"

She looked at me, so broken. "Does your family all know about my nightmares?"

I was surprised by the question. "Yes, they all know you have nightmares. They've all heard as well. Sometimes some will come keep me company or to chat. I promise; it's not a big deal. No one thinks less of you, and you don't say anything revealing."

Bella simply nodded. I could see she was working through everything I had said. "Hey," I said, "eat before your food gets cold."

Bella dug in and started eating. I watched her pondering how to ask what I needed to know. "Bella, why did you leave the door open last night for me to come in?"

She shrugged. "Wouldn't you have come in anyway?"

"Not if you didn't want me to. I will respect your wishes."

Bella looked at me. It was her piercing gaze that looked through me and saw everything I was. "You may come in."

I smiled. Bella was willingly letting me into her space. I hoped it wouldn't be long before she let me inside her head and not just her house.

See I told you not to panic. Did you all really think the Cullens would just let Edward leave??? No Way!!!

For a Rec this week I'm going to suggest Bondgirl. She has three pieces she's working on and one will fit your style. Violet, Unexpected or His Darkest Realm. Check out one or all.

Thank you to Nissa and Ronnie you ladies keep me going and make me smile!