Disclaimer: I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it.

Note: I plan very soon on changing the rating to M for the reasons that you probably all know. If you are uncomfortable with that development or wish for this to be frank but notthat frank, then maybe I'll reconsider the jostle of very adult themes. It might be on the graphic side, I'm still not sure. Let me know your opinions on this.

"I don't see the point of being a human being if you're not going to be responsible to your fellow human beings. Selfishness thefts away the human and reduces you to just a being." ~Candea Core-Starke

Please enjoy and Please Review!

Chapter Twenty-Six

Perfidious Aches and Mendacious Liabilities

I drove. It was always odd to me that no matter how far I was, no matter who I suddenly had to become; I always remembered my way back home. The place I swore I would forget, the same place where I had decided whom I would become and what that would entail. It was a good place to start, especially when looking for a needle in a haystack. I didn't know what to expect, nor did I really want to see any familiar faces but I couldn't just walk away. No matter how many times I denied others, no matter how often I refused nostalgia; I couldn't voice the excuse lodged in my throat.

I didn't want to leave Bon Temps either. Which was a good reason, if any, to leave. I had started to become idle; not wanting to go farther than what I knew and what I knew wasn't much. I refused to acknowledge any feelings of wistfulness when thinking about the people I left behind to help my family. I didn't want to think about how Sookie and I were actually getting along, or how Tara and Lafayette made me want to rip my hair out, in a good way…if there was ever such a thing. And how Sam, no matter my infinity to dislike trusting people, never ceased to amaze me with his honest open arms.

When I had first come to Bon Temps, I was adamant that I would never like a place filed with open mouths and loose legs. But I had been wrong…not that I would ever admit to such a thing. I didn't miss my stupid home with disgustingly happy flowered wallpaper, nor did I miss the sweaty small closet of a kitchen where I worked. But I sure as hell, did not miss Eric and his stupid deliciously sinful self. Damn it.

I felt like I was on the wrong side of the blade, the losing fight. I would be both a winner and a loser; I'm just not so sure what infamous title I wanted anymore. I hadn't slept since leaving Bon Temps and though my lids were becoming heavier by the hour, I didn't want to let the weariness lull me. I knew what would come in the dreams and I didn't want to lose any edge I had left against him. I prided myself on playing the stoic, not bothering to be affected by a Norse demigod, who; no doubt, tried at every moment to attempt to unbalance me.

Even though dreaming had been the one place that was truly mine, the one place where I could be whom I actually really was, I lost that when we became bound together. For better and for so much more worse than I wanted to admit. I had to now become just as careful as awake when sleeping, dream or no dream, he controlled that dominion and if I slipped; he would gain the upper hand and gods knew what foolish decisive things I would utter in the heat of the moment. Oh, and there would be heat.

Though I trusted him more than I would have preferred to not admit, I didn't know if I could trust him that much. With all of my dirty little secrets, that could easily be used against me. As I drove, there were people around the world looking for me, trying to hunt me down and exact revenge for the sins I freely committed and gave.

He was a vampire, a powerful old one at that and I knew he would use any artillery to his advantage, even me. I don't think he would intentionally hurt me, but he would use me and degrade me to such lowly standards that to an end, I would be devastated. I had to stand strong, stand against the blowing seductive wind. No matter the sweet nothings he would utter in Swedish in my buzzing ear, or the way I felt about him or even the instant connection whenever he would touch me; I was still a pawn to him. I just hope I never forgot that.

I had a few more days of driving left before me and I knew the moment my eyes slid their traitorous selves shut and heard horns honking angrily behind me, that it was time I rested. I didn't need a car accident to grace me with my already conspiring schedule. It was a losing fight and maybe, just maybe I could get some decent sleep before being bombarded by the likes of him.

I discreetly paid for a room at a no-name motel and shuffled my way towards what would be my haven for the few hours I could rest my eyes. I had grown tired and weary and though I wasn't old; since old persons had more likelihood of weariness, I felt beyond my years. For a few shaming seconds, I realized I almost didn't want to go on. Couldn't go on and I was so very, very tired. But I knew I couldn't allow myself to wallow in such gloriously condemning thoughts, it wasn't healthy and I just had to keep fighting. It was what made me human after all.

I locked the door and dragged a nearby chair under the doorknob, locking out anyone who might manage to break the lock. It wouldn't be a hard feat but at least the door would stop them for however long it took me to reach for my gun. And feeling the way I felt, I would sleep with it under my pillow. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

I didn't bother changing into my pajamas, knowing places rundown as these sometimes didn't bother to change sheets; I threw my jacket on the table and fell into bed. I let satisfaction roll off of me and sooner than I'd like to have admitted, I welcomed the dark haze called slumber.

0000000000000000

I blinked taking in my surroundings. I couldn't help the sigh that escaped or my suddenly clenching fist. I didn't want this; I couldn't want this! Right…?

"I would think you'd be happier. You haven't slept in a few days and from your hollowed appearance, it would seem that you haven't stopped to eat either." The voice condemned coming from the other side of the room. It had been a while since I last heard that one smoky voice; it had been too long. And like an addict, I breathed it in, silently reveling in it.

I blinked away the tendrils threatening to subjugate me and glanced across the room, hungrily. And what separated us? A larger than life king size bed…never let it be said that Eric was anything if not subtle. In his usual black shirt and pants attire, I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like when my fingers—no! Cold baths, cold baths, cold baths…I repeated my mantra until I felt the haze of lust dwindle lower.

I raised my eyebrow at him, crossing my arms over my chest; more for the appearance than not. Even in dreaming, my hands shook to reach out for him; a sad, depressingly desperate thought I would have preferred to not acknowledge. "I don't need a lecturer Eric." I couldn't help the derisive remark that slipped past my lips, nor did I want to.

But when I saw him slowly unfold out of the chair he now vacated, I couldn't help but wish my tongue were muted. I watched him stretch to his full monstrous height, staring darkly at me from across the dim-lighted room. I let my eyes wander, soaking up every detail I could fathom from across the room; I knew in reality, that I would see him again but I also knew it would be for some time.

He slowly stalked towards me, ever the lion chasing the prey. I tried to swallow the nerves threatening to throttle me and I retreated a few steps until I realized what I was doing. I never, ever retreated. But with his muscled confident form coming towards me, anyone in their right mind would have done the same. But any other person in their right mind would have never got themselves into this mess to begin with.

"What you need?" He broodingly asked taking the last step towards me, knowing only not even half a foot now separated us. If I stretched up, I could easily capture his lips and claim my prize for my outlandish victory. But was it really a victory? "Let me tell you what I think you need—"

I couldn't deny myself any longer, "You don't even know what us humans need." I mocked, it was low and petty; insatiably immature. But when confronted with my feelings towards him, I always threw the Vampire/Human card up. I was nothing if not a coward.

"You need to be turned over on my knee and spanked until your little ass is burning." He quietly told me. If I hadn't been so entranced by the storm brewing in his eyes or the way his hair framed his face, I would have been listening more intently. But when confronted by Dionysus, one would be greatly overwhelmed.

I swallowed down the sting of uncertainty. Wait…what? Did he just say what I thought he said? Though we had spent hours and hours together, I never once heard him be anything but gentlemanly. Never cursing, never threatening me with bodily harm. If I didn't know any better, I would have said he had been trying to woo me. And damn but it worked.

I tried to ignore the spiked interest, I tried to ignore the fact that he said ass and I was still reeling from the shock. Lust slithered down my spine, tumbling into my stomach warming me. I ignored the sudden throbbing between my legs and glared up at him instead, "You need to be staked." How dare he threaten me with brutally beautiful things like that?

He reared back and for once, I got the rare pleasure of seeing him fight back a shred of shock. It almost made him look…human. He smirked down at me, moving closer still. If I were claustrophobic, this relationship would never work…. did I just say relationship?

"I'm intrigued. You know you aren't strong enough for that." He dryly stated. And all at once I realized how weak I really was. Indeed I didn't have the body strength to go up against him, my telekinesis would be able to hold him off at bay but I didn't have the willpower to stake him. If he hurt me…when he devastated me, I would be powerless against him. I wouldn't even be able to fight myself.

I frowned up at him, "Why is it always a strength tussle with you?" I asked, more hurt than I would have preferred to admit. Couldn't he be like any other guy and just soothe my ornery tendencies?

His hand came up and cupped my cheek gently, rubbing away the worry gently with his thumb, he wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me to him and I was instantly soothed. "I am unused when watching myself around you…you…push me." He commented more to himself than me. I knew I was the first human he struggled with, I didn't doubt his abilities, I didn't doubt his suaveness but I doubted us together.

I bit my bottom lip, smiling to myself when I heard him quietly groan from my action. I held onto that feeling of raw, sexual power and moved closer into his arms. I tentatively reached up, running a shaking hand over his muscled chest. And boy was he muscled. If I hadn't been biting my bottom lip, I would have had to wipe my chin from the drool that no doubt would have pooled there.

I ran my hand over his muscles, loving the way they rippled under my hand and when he tensed? I reveled in the power I exuded, to realize that it was only I, a lowly human whom made a strong immortal shake with need? It was heady stuff.

"You know you are sleeping." He whispered into my ear, licking my earlobe in response to my quaking need and lusting shudders. The bound between us not only made it nearly impossible to hide our own feelings away from each other but it made it damn near impossible to hide away our lust from on and another. He knew the exact extent of what he was doing to me and I knew the way I was affecting him. I could also feel his hardness against me and that alone, could never lie. But it made me ache, so much so that it was bordering on painful.

My hand stilled and I pulled back slightly, though it was hard when his iron grip refused me any clemency and pulled me tighter to him. I stared up at him, searching his blue lust darkened eyes for any malice, any reason, any sliver of doubt or lies; I needed something if I were to push him away. But I didn't and for once in our time together, I realized again how this was the real Eric Northman and only in my presence, my presence alone, did he ever lax his mask and let the real one out. It frightened and terrified me, thrilled me and excited me but I could never afford to do that in reality. Neither could he, but in the dreaming realm, with us together; maybe, just maybe I could stop pretending.

I shook off my humanistic doubt and decided to go for it. It was a rare moment when I truly blew caution to the wind and my mind could berate me later for it but now? Right now all I wanted to do was feast. Trailing and thinking that at this one stop in time; I didn't want to think of what I would become if I lost my footing and most of all; I didn't want to be Erin from Bon Temps or Alyssa from Milwaukee or even Jen from New York. For now, at this right moment, I just wanted to be me. I just wanted this one moment to be for us.