Title: House-sitters
Genre: Humor/Drama
Rating: M
Word Count: 767
Summary: Maybe next time, he'd ask Neji to watch his apartment for him.

A/N: This was probably only written last month, but even I can see how disjointed my sentences are. I need to practice more. I'm getting super rusty. Also, Fix You is still in progress. The fight scenes are going to be as drawn out as the manga, it seems.

Naruto sighed as he walked up the stairs to his apartment. He'd been on a long mission and couldn't wait to get home, and he shared that sentiment with the people walking up with him.

"Well, it's good to have you back home," Kakashi smiled with Naruto's pack slung over his shoulder. Now that it wasn't carrying all that ramen, it was much easier to carry. Sakura, who stood on Naruto's left, nodded in agreement.

"And thanks for watching my apartment, guys." Though Naruto didn't normally need to have someone watch his apartment—he lived in a relatively safe neighborhood—he had a bunch of Jiraiya's old things, including the original and special editions of Icha Icha all autographed, and since his death, Naruto had to have an eye kept on those things in case an overzealous fan tried to steal it (Kakashi, he didn't have to worry about since he had all those special volumes already and he didn't care about the originals).

Sakura smiled and helped him open the faded red door. "It's fine. I know you'd do the same for me and Kakashi," she commented as she stepped inside. Naruto merely nodded wordlessly and collapsed on the couch exhaustedly.

"Did anything happen while I was gone?" he asked, though he wasn't really interested in the response. He was too tired.

Sakura looked up and placed a finger on her chin in thought. "Well…we accidentally broke a few bowls and set an oven mitt on fire and some springs in your bed might be a bit worn. Oh, and your next door neighbor might be mad at you for a few weeks. Sorry about that."

"We'll pay for the bowls and the oven mitt," Kakashi commented.

Naruto nodded from under the arm slung over his eyes. "Why did you break the bowls anyway?" he asked with slight curiosity, missing the look Kakashi and Sakura exchanged.

"We were a bit clumsy," Sakura answered, a nervous chuckle following her words. Naruto sent a skeptical look towards the girl. As two of Konoha's best ninja, he had a hard time believing they were just 'a bit clumsy' (he could understand the oven mitt. They were cheap and some of his pots had low handles), but decided not to pursue the subject and let himself fall back on the worn navy blue couch when his hand grazed something scratchy.

Propping himself up to investigate—he didn't remember that part of the couch being scratchy—it seemed like his couch was stained with something. It was white and covered an area the size of his palm and upon further inspection, flaked off when he scratched at it. If he didn't know any better, he'd say it was…

"Did you guys…?"

Kakashi and Sakura refused to meet Naruto's gaze. Boy, this carpet was interesting.

Naruto's eyes bulged out of their sockets. "You didn't!"

Sakura fidgeted as she continued to stare at the floor while Kakashi looked up at the ceiling, scratching the bridge of his nose.

"You guys screwed on my couch?!" Naruto shouted in disbelief. This was his couch! This was where he watched TV! This was his favorite spot to eat ramen! And they had sex—and he touched—he was going to have to disinfect the couch—no, he was going to have to BURN it.

Sighing tiredly, he let his head fall on the arm rest…only to feel another scratchy stain under his skin. "Here too?!"

"Not just there. We did it on the kitchen table too," Sakura admitted sheepishly. Naruto blanched, then turned slightly green.

"The kitchen?! I eat in there, Sakura!" Naruto shouted before covering his eyes with his hands tiredly. "The couch AND the kitchen…" he moaned helplessly.

"The kitchen…and the bed, the bathroom, the window, the floor, the shower, and—"

Naruto held his hand up, cutting off Kakashi. "Stop. I don't want to know," he said tiredly. God, he felt exhausted now—and sick, he couldn't forget sick. His two best friends had been screwing on every inch of his house after all, and though he was still sitting on the defiled couch, he couldn't find it in him to care at the moment. The sudden rush of information was too much for him.

Thinking he'd find a hint of compassion, Naruto looked up through the gaps in his fingers at the two only to find them raking their eyes over each other. In the back of his mind, Naruto threw up his hands and groaned in defeat. He should've never asked a pair of oversexed newlyweds to house-sit for him.