Like most nights, she'd snuck down after dark. She'd spoken to some of her friends and had found out what "It" was that boys were always after. The mysterious "It" that her parents had warned her about – it didn't seem too pleasant, but some of her friends swore it was worth it.
"Everyone's doing it, Sloan," her friend, Mary, had told her. Sloan had asked about it when Mary showed up with a different glow about her. "That's the best way to show a boy that you care about them."
"But it sounds like it might hurt."
"Stop being such a baby, Sloan. You're way too immature for me. I bet that's what that boy you've been talking to thinks too. What was his name again?"
"Levi, and I really don't think –"
"And he's already older than us too, isn't he?"
"Just a year, but –"
"Well, you're probably just fooling yourself if you think he hasn't done it already. He's already older than you. Does he even call you his girlfriend?"
"I don't know. I-"
"I bet he would if you had sex with him. Ben told me boys don't call girls their girlfriends until after they've done it. So, now Ben will call me his girlfriend and he'll be my boyfriend."
"But I haven't seen you with Ben once in the past week."
Mary bristled at the comment. "You're just too immature to understand our relationship, Sloan. I don't think we can be friends anymore. Come see me after you've grown up."
Mary's words stuck in her mind as she made her way down the steps. Could Levi have already done it with another girl? Maybe he didn't call her his "girlfriend" because he already had one. Her cheeks reddened at the thought and she felt a sharp pain catch her breath. She stopped and leaned against the wall. She wanted him to like her. It was the only thing she'd wanted for years now. She could do it if it meant she would be his.
She got to the end of the stairs and saw him waiting for her, like he always was. She didn't go to the underground every night. Once she'd asked him if he waited every night for her. He'd nodded silently. It seemed like a big commitment to her, to wait for someone that may not show up. When she'd pointed this out, he only shrugged and looked away.
They walked slowly back to where he stayed. It was a small house that was owned by a tall man that wore a hat. Sloan had only seen him a few times in all the years she'd gone there, but that had been enough. The man – Kenny, Levi said his name was – was scary to Sloan. She felt like his eyes could slice her in half, and he had a twisted smile that showed his teeth but left his eyes cold. Levi said he stayed away for work most of the time, so he usually had the place to himself.
"Are you hungry?" he asked as he turned to dig through the empty cupboards. Sloan had asked Levi before who Kenny was to him. He seemed to be some sort of guardian, but didn't seem to supply the basic necessities Levi needed, the ones that Sloan's parents had made available. Food and basic structure didn't seem to be constants in Levi's life. The cupboards in the house seemed to be nearly bare most of the time, and Sloan knew Levi had never attended school.
He turned around with a loaf of bread and nearly dropped it as Sloan flung herself at him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. He set down the bread and wrapped his arms around her waist.
This is what boyfriends and girlfriends do, right? Sloan thought to herself. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed, but it may have been the first time she'd initiated it, and their kisses were usually quick and without much physical contact. They both usually looked away embarrassed afterwards.
Sloan wasn't sure what to do next. She pulled back to look at his face, a sight she didn't normally study after a kiss. Normally, she would turn away quickly, but not tonight. His cheeks were red, like he wanted to look away also. His lips were glistening and slightly swollen. She smiled at him, hoping to lighten the mood.
"What?" he asked her.
"Nothing, I just haven't seen the way your face looks after we've kissed."
"We've only kissed like three times."
"That's a lot for me," she said, wondering if that was a small number toward the total number of kisses he'd had. "I mean, it's three more than I had before. Which was zero." She added the last part to try to pry some information out of him. He wasn't too forthcoming.
He smiled at her then, and placed his hand on her neck, pulling her lips back to his. She leaned into him, not sure what to do with her hands. She let them rest around his neck as she opened her mouth slightly and let her tongue flick across his lips. He opened his mouth and met her tongue with his.
She pulled back again.
"Is something wrong?" Levi asked her.
"I don't know," she said. "I think I'm just confused."
"What are you confused about?"
She looked down and began to focus very closely at the dip where his neck met his chest. She felt her cheeks begin to burn. "I just want to know how you feel about me."
"How I feel about you?"
"Yes, like, am I the only girl you talk to?"
"Uh," he seemed confused by the question. "Well, I do talk to Isabella."
Sloan felt her cheeks burn even more fiercely. The other redhead in his life. She'd met Isabella before. She was a cute girl, and she lived in the underground also. Levi had spent many days with her while Sloan was confined to the city. What had they done while she wasn't around?
Sloan tried to pull away.
"Did I say something wrong?" Levi asked.
"No, I just remembered I have something I have to do at home." She grabbed her coat that she'd tossed over a chair and began to pull it on.
"You're wrong," Levi said after her. She stopped and looked at him, her hand on the door. "Three is not a lot of kisses." Here it was. He was going to divulge his past relationships to her, showing his maturity over her. She was so naïve.
"But tonight we can say we've both had four, and we can keep adding to that number if you can stay. Four just doesn't seem like a big enough number to me, not compared to what number I'd like for us to have."
Sloan tried not to let a smile break over her face. "So does that mean you haven't kissed any other girls?"
"No, why would you think that?"
"I dunno," she said, looking down at her feet. "I was just talking to my friend and her boyfri- the boy she's with and her do different things together. I thought maybe we weren't like them."
"Maybe we aren't. Is that a bad thing?"
Sloan thought about Mary and how mad she'd been when Sloan mentioned she hadn't seen Mary and Ben together lately, even despite them having sex.
"Maybe it's not. I just want you to know I like you a lot. I want to show you."
"I know you do, Sal. You come down to see me all the time. No one else wants to see me like you do."
She blushed and kissed him again. His hands fell to her waist and she pressed in closer to him. She pulled back again, thinking of how to ask her next question.
"Do you know how to have sex?" she looked up at him from under her eyelashes. It was his turn to blush and look away.
"I've heard some people talk about it before."
"Is that…" she licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. "Is that something you'd like to try?"
"Yes," he answered intently. "But I don't want to do it just because your friends are. I want you to want to."
"But if you want to, then I want to."
"I think it's different for guys than girls. I don't want to hurt you."
"I don't think it will hurt much, maybe just a little at first. I'm ready, I want to try." She took his hand and led him over to his bed, where they'd sat and laughed and talked so many times before. They sat down and Sloan began to kiss him briskly and harshly, her hands shaking as they went to the hem of his shirt and she brushed her fingertips against the skin of his stomach. He caught her shaking hands in his and stopped her.
"Don't be afraid. We can stop whenever you want. We'll both be slow and careful."
They laid back on the bed.
Sloan had thought back to that night more than once. It wasn't the most picturesque sex she'd had. They didn't know what the hell they were doing, and it was uncomfortable at first, like something had split open inside her. Levi had done his best to go slow and be as gentle as possible. She wondered if it had been the night the babies had been conceived. Levi had disappeared not long after that, and Sloan had always thought it was because they'd had sex. Maybe she wasn't any good at it, or maybe he'd gotten what he wanted and was done with her. He'd never really acted in a different way toward her. He was always gentle and kind and protective, but her mind had run rampant after he was gone.
Right then she wasn't thinking about their first time together, or how she'd felt with him cradling her after they'd finished.
In fact, she could have killed him when he finally showed back up with Jon. The poor boy looked like he'd been kicked through the dirt, and one of his eyes was already blackening from what she was sure was a punch to the face. The rest of the team seemed stunned as well, though none of them had the anger that was radiating off Sloan.
"Let's gear up and go over the plan," Levi said as if nothing was wrong. They approached a carriage and began pulling out the 3D maneuvering gear and snapping all the straps into place. "The interior squad took the bait, now we just have to find them. Mikasa, Connie, you two perform recon maneuvers to find where they've run off to with that carriage."
Sloan put her hands on Jon's shoulder and turned him to face her, surveying his face carefully. Not only did he have a black eye, but he had a long, though shallow, cut on his face. She could also see where the edge of a blade had kissed his throat.
"Levi," she hissed and cut her eyes at him.
"The recruit disobeyed direct orders and attempted to desert the squad," Levi said coldly, his voice low and inaudible to the others standing nearby.
"But there are channels for disciplinary action," she replied, matching his tone. "There was no need to beat the shit out of him."
"In a situation like this, we don't have time for a trial and transport to a cell. But we can do that once things settle down, if you like."
Jon looked at her, a look of fear and discouragement on his face.
"We can discuss later, depending on the outcome of today." She figured he'd probably suffered enough, and had no doubt that Levi had disciplined him thoroughly. She was still worried that they could trust Jon. Maybe he wouldn't run away immediately, but would he always be looking for his next opening?
"Let's get up on the rooftops," Levi said and engaged his gear to fly upward, quickly scaling the walls and disappearing over the top. Sasha, one of the other scouts, flew up behind him.
"Do you know how to use it, Jon?" Sloan asked. She wasn't sure how much he'd learned in the time Levi had been training him. She didn't know if she should pull him up behind her or see if he could struggle upward on his own.
He gave a curt nod and without a word, let his own gear shoot upward. Sloan watched as he effortlessly made his way up the building and onto the rooftop.
Xxxxxxx
"Commander, doesn't being here in the capital make you nervous?" Cassie asked. They had already met with the chancellery and wondered when they would be travelling back home. Yes, she was beginning to think of the survey corps headquarters as home. But as much as she wanted to go back, she had a sneaking suspicion that they were being held there, though Erwin didn't say as much. He seemed to be in some sort of dispute with the King's advisors over the handling and whereabouts of Eren Yeager. She was assuming they didn't like the answer Erwin had given them and were now holding them captive.
"What would being nervous do? I'm in no position of power here, so being nervous would not change anything."
"Oh." That was a very Erwin answer, Cassie thought. Of course he wouldn't be someone to worry in situations he couldn't control.
"What's the worst that can happen? I suppose it would be they execute me for treason, if I refuse to hand over Eren. With all the comrades I've sent to die at the hands of Titans, an execution may be the most fitting for me."
"Please don't speak like that," Cassie said as she felt tears burning her eyes. "You are a good man! You don't deserve a death like that. Don't you think it would be a death in vain? And who would command the regiment? They need you!" She clenched her fists, looking him in the eyes. "I didn't know what to think of you at first. Working in the Garrison, I was indoctrinated to have an opinion of the survey corps, and of you. You were painted to be a fanatic, someone who operated with no qualms of throwing people away unnecessarily for this idealistic and unrealistic world you had in your mind. I often asked myself what the point of the corps was – why did there need to be missions outside of the walls? But now I see there was a purpose, and it's all for the sake of humanity. You do not take the missions or the deaths for granted, and you do not sit on the sidelines. The world you are fighting for is one of transparency and progress, not this oppressive stagnation that we live in now."
Erwin looked back at her, studying her face before looking at the window. "I believe you think too highly of me, Cassie. The truth is, I don't know what I'm doing, or what world I'm fighting for anymore. I started all this going on the ideas of my father – a man who I believe was murdered for having too many thoughts about Titans and the world that the people in power wanted to stifle. I've spent most of my life chasing after his theories, hoping that if I could confirm what he was thinking, maybe he could live on in a way. I have been negligent with my position, my authority, and the lives of my troops and friends, all for the beliefs of a man who died a long time ago."
Cassie reached across the table to touch the hand that was resting in front of them. It was warm, but calloused from the reins of his horse. His hand hadn't seen the work of many troops on the front line, but they were soft by no means. "I know now that this is not recklessness from the mind of a mad man. This is important work, and I'm happy I have been able to assist in – what I believe – is a historical time."
He looked at the hand on top of his and back at Cassie before turning his hand over and holding hers. She felt his fingers brush against her palm as his large hand cradled her own.
"Oh, Cassie. Have you developed feelings for me?"
Cassie felt herself blush and she turned her head away from his gaze, not sure whether he was chiding her or teasing her. Was it so obvious? What had begun as a business relationship had turned into an innocent infatuation and had morphed into a full on attraction. She was aware now that she could be driven to absurd lengths for him, doubting if she could stop herself from killing someone if Erwin's life was on the line. She'd been in his presence for weeks now, and had come to know the ins and outs of him. The concern he had for the regiment, the worries for the future, for the people, and for the world.
"I'm not good for a woman, as much as I'd like to return the feelings. You've done much more for me than I have for you."
His comment was like a slap to the face. She jerked her hand back out of his and moved back in her chair.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression. Of course, you're my superior. I have the utmost respect for you and know you value me as a scout."
"Cassie, please don't take this the wrong way. I swore long ago I would never involve myself given the nature of my position. It's too dangerous, even moreso now."
She stood abruptly, the chair scratching loudly across the floor. "There's no need to provide any explanation, Commander. I hope we can continue on with our professional relationship." She turned and began to walk toward the door. Her hand was on the doorknob, when he was suddenly behind her, his arm wrapping around her waist.
"Do you think this is easy?" he said, his voice husky in her ear. "Seeing you every day, being in the same room, knowing we could never be together, knowing you deserve better?" He took a deep breath, taking her scent into his lungs. "Do you know how often I've wanted to be this close to you? To wrap my arms around you and hold you close? But every touch is just a tease."
"You're wrong," she said, leaning back against him. "Do you think I'm in no danger given our current circumstances? The nature of this world is dangerous. That's why there's all the more reason to live like there's no tomorrow. We have no guarantee for any kind of future, whether we are together or not. Why not share in the time we have?" She pressed her hips back into his and he let out his breath in her ear. She delighted in the effect she had on him after wondering for so long what his feelings were.
She turned and faced him. His expression was intense, his mouth a tight line. His eyebrows were furrowed together and she knew she was on thin ice, that he would call it at any moment and send her away to her room. She placed her hands gently on either side of his face and slowly leaned upward. When he didn't push her away or turn from her, she gently laid her lips upon his.
He placed his hand behind her head and deepened the kiss, opening his mouth to allow her tongue to slip in, with his own following suit. She allowed her hands to roam, flowing down the front of his shirt and feeling the lean muscle underneath. She let her hands slip lower, brushing the front of his pants where a bulge had appeared. He groaned into her mouth before pulling back.
"Cassie, I don't feel right about this. I don't want things to go too far."
"What would be too far?" she rested her hands on his chest and looked up at him with new confidence.
"I mean, we are in this meeting room, it's not exactly equipped for love making, and someone may come in. I don't think we could make it out without being unseen."
"I think you are worrying too much." She turned a lock on the doorknob. "I'm sure we're locked in from the outside anyways. We're practically prisoners. But at least no one will be coming in now." She turned back to him and walked closer, urging him backward with a hand on his chest. "Let me handle everything else." He stepped back until his legs touched a chair, and she pressed him down into it. Her fingers found their way to her shirt buttons and she began to undo them one by one. She untucked the shirt and removed it, tossing it on the ground. She sat on Erwin's lap, straddling him, and pressed her mouth to his. His hand found its way to her breast, teasing and tweaking her hardened nipples. She wrapped her arms around his neck.
Erwin tore his mouth from hers to trail kisses down the side of her neck and down her chest. She arched her back to him as he took her nipples into his mouth one by one, suckling them and flicking at her peaks with his tongue. She could feel a wetness between her legs as she rocked on his hardened groin. She gasped as he nipped at her breasts.
"May I..?"
"Do whatever you want," Erwin said, his eyes hazy with lust.
She stood up and removed her remaining clothes, standing before him completely nude. She could feel the dampness between her legs as she began to unbutton Erwin's pants.
"If you feel guilty later, just tell yourself I seduced you," she said as his stiff member sprung out from his pants. She wrapped her hands around it and gave a few pumps, satisfied that her fingers could barely brush around his girth.
"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he said, his voice dark. His rough hand grazed her waist. "I'm afraid if I touch you, you may disappear."
"Maybe you should touch here," she said as she guided his hand down to her soft curls and between her legs. She moaned as his hands found her wetness and began to rub gently. He continued in a circular motion until she finally stopped him. "I don't think I can go on like that much longer. It's been a very long time since I've been with a man."
He laughed dryly. "It's probably been even longer since I've been with a woman."
"Well, we will just do our best, then." She straddled again, lowered herself down onto his erect cock. She felt his tip at her opening and slowly continued down, feeling a tight tension at the intrusion. They groaned in unison as she suddenly dropped down on his length, her thighs resting on his. She took a moment to allow herself to adjust to the invasion before beginning to rock back and forth. Her feet pushed through the ground, bringing her up to his tip before taking all of him back in. His hand grabbed at her ass, pinching and pulling, pressing her on. His hand cupped at her breast, caressing. He began to move his hips in motion with hers, meeting her thrusts and pulling back. He stood from the chair, Cassie wrapping her legs around his waist. He laid her back to the table, her ass hanging just off the edge and began to swing his hips, pumping in and out. Cassie's hand drifted between her legs to caress her clit as he pulled on her hip, pulling her closer and pulling her away. Her other hand found its way to her breast.
"Seeing you like this is going to make me finish," he said, his voice breathy.
"I thought that was the point?" she smiled at him. She pulled her fingers away from her clit long enough to lick them before returning them below. She could feel the pressure building low in her belly.
"Oh, God," Erwin said as he closed his eyes.
"Don't stop," she urged him on, meeting his thrusts with her own, arching her back to meet him. "Please, Erwin!" She yelled his name, feeling her release clamp down and throb around his cock. He jerked inside her and she felt his hot seed shoot out, filling her. He collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily. She stroked his sweat soaked bangs back from his forehead.
He withdrew from her and pulled his handkerchief out before wiping himself off. He passed the cloth to Cassie before buttoning his pants. She pulled herself off the table, wiping Erwin's fluid from between her legs before stepping into her own pants. She picked up her shirt and was beginning to button it when Erwin's arm around her waist spun her. He gave her a brisk kiss on the mouth.
"I liked that very much, being with you," he said. "I don't know what the nature of our relationship will be, but I suppose we will just see what happens, if that's fine with you."
"Yes, Erwin," Cassie said with a smile. "That would be very fine."