Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners.
"…W-What's going on…? !"
A girl, barefoot and lightly dressed in a nightgown, was about to retire for the night when she opened the door upon a hellish scene. Before her, naked beneath the coves of her bed, entangled, moaning, writhing, squealing, were Alice, Marisa and Reimu, uninhibitedly making love.
"Oh? You're finally here huh…? Took you long enough…" Reimu paused her tonguing of Marisa to address the horrified girl, "You're late, though there's still room…"
"Reimu? ! Wha- J-Just listen to you…!"
"Hey… Don't cry! There's plenty of me to go around, ze!" Marisa put her arms around Reimu and Alice and drew the two delighted girls closer, her nose to Alice's hair.
"No, no, no, no! M-Marisa… Why…? !"
"Ahaan~ Isn't this great…?" Alice pressed up against Marisa, running her hand up and down the latter's body as she eyed the kneeling, crying girl naughtily, "Now we can all love each other!"
"Come join us, Patchouli…"
Patchouli's tearful eyes widened as horror stabbed away at her heart, her head slumped over her knees.
"No… NOOOO- Gyahh! ! Huff… Huff… H-Haah…!"
Patchouli Knowledge lay, thankful to be alone and dressed, on a single bed, her eyes looking up at the sandstone that made up a ceiling, a soft, bright dark-orange light filling the room.
Patchouli's Chapter: Friends
"… That was quite the nightmare you were having…"
"…? !" Patchouli sat up, only to be greeted by the soothing image of an angel standing by a table next to her. A slim, fair haired and skinned girl was soaking a towel in a tub of heated water, wringing it and folding it to form a heat pack. She wore a tight, sleeveless turtleneck top, with a woollen brown robe undone and hanging casually about her waist over her black skirt. As she turned to Patchouli, Patchouli saw her brilliantly emerald eyes.
"Rest," instructed the fair girl, firmly but gently pushing Patchouli down to the bed with slender arms. She then next lifted up the collar of Patchouli's loaned clean, cotton robes, exposing Patchouli's chest and inciting resistance.
"Don't struggle, this one's to keep you warm," the girl slid the heat pack onto Patchouli's collar, then closed up her robes for her and tucked her into the bed, "You literally dropped in on us, you know, through some weird portal… You were in the river under the bridge. Yuugi reckons you were close to catching pneumonia," the girl revealed, "You need more sleep… It's still early," informed the girl.
"What happened…?" asked Patchouli, drowsiness overtaking her as her shaken mind was slowly soothed by the simple comforts.
"How should I know? Gensokyo's going crazy again, the way I see it… Stupid Judges up to stupid things…" the girl dismissed, and that was the last Patchouli heard as she slipped into a much better sleep.
Several hours later, Patchouli awoke, removed the now cool towel from her chest, and got out of bed. The window over the table showed that the sky was pitch-black outside. Did I sleep all the way to the next night…?
Opening the door of the simply furnished guestroom, Patchouli found herself in an equally simple living room. The house was smoothly hewn from sandstone, large, thick rugs covering the floor. There was a sofa and several chairs made of bamboo and fitted with cushions, and a bamboo coffee table. Shelves of petrified softwood were affixed low on the wall, bearing simple but pleasant decorations of porcelain and potted flowers. Throughout the house, there was that softly bright dark-orange glow, cast by simple glass lamps filled with slow burning fuel lasting not nights, but months on end.
"Good afternoon, sleeping beauty!"
The first impression Patchouli got from the woman completely at ease on the sofa before her with her legs apart was 'big'. The second was 'unrefined'…
"… But it's dark outside," Patchouli replied, puzzled.
"'Course it's dark, we're underground, silly! This is Former Hell!" the imposing woman chuckled heartily. She had an equally imposing sharp, red horn protruding from her forehead, and long stray-coloured hair. She was dressed in a simple white T-shirt and long blue skirt with red stripes. To add to her imposingness was her well-toned body and large chest.
"… You're an Oni," Patchouli observed with some alarm.
"Aren't you bright!" the woman laughed, and Patchouli frowned, blushing in embarrassment.
"Yuugi, is the girl awake?" came a voice from the kitchen, and in came the fair girl that had treated Patchouli earlier.
"Oh… Good afternoon," greeted the girl simply, "Should you be out of bed?" she inquired.
"Don't worry, I feel fine," replied Patchouli, "Thank you for your hospitality, er…"
"Parsee. Mizuhashi Parsee," the girl introduced herself, "I think you probably know me, Patchouli Knowledge-san," Parsee said.
"O-Oh! I do remember… Marisa ran into you during the Subterranean incident," Patchouli recalled-
Marisa, Reimu and Alice.
"A-Ah…!" Patchouli reeled as a nightmarish image flashed in her mind.
"Oi! You okay?" before Patchouli knew it, the large woman was by her side, supporting her by the shoulders.
"Nnhh… I'm fine, thank you…" Patchouli lied.
"… Come on! Come with me!" the large woman was not fooled as she half escorted, half dragged Patchouli to the sofa, "Right here, right next to me! There's a good girl!" she comforted as Patchouli uneasily but unresistingly sat at the woman's side.
"Name's Hoshiguma Yuugi!" the woman extended a frying pan of a hand to Patchouli, "You'd better remember it!" she beamed in her clumsy attempt to lighten Patchouli's mood.
"P-Patchouli Knowledge…" Patchouli uneasily shook a couple of Yuugi's fingers.
"Hmph… You'll have to forgive Yuugi for her crudeness," Parsee shook her head, sitting herself on a chair next to the sofa, "She's like that with everyone, she thinks she's everybody's buddy…" Parsee rolled her eyes.
"Aren't I?" Yuugi laughed out loud. Patchouli, sweat-dropping, agreed with Parsee's sentiments though...
"Well… At least you had the courtesy to introduce yourself," Parsee remarked of Yuugi, "But Koishi-chan, isn't it time you stopped hiding? It's obvious Patchouli-san didn't notice you," Parsee spoke to a seemingly empty chair on the other end of the sofa.
Patchouli, perplexed, turned and- …? ! A petite girl with greenish silver hair and greyish-green eyes, clutching to a black bowler hat nervously had suddenly appeared. No… That's not it… It's more like my mind did not register her presence…
"S-Sorry Parsee-nee-san," Koishi fiddled with her hat's brim, casting furtive looks at Patchouli, "It's just…" Koishi glanced at Patchouli, "I uh… Patchouli-san was having a nightmare, so I thought I'd better stay out here… You know, out of it… B-But I ended up seeing it anyway…" she said apologetically.
It was then that Patchouli noticed the shut third eye over Koishi's chest. "You're a satori," she observed.
Koishi shook her head, "Well, yes, but I can't read minds anymore, I uh… I read hearts…" she explained hesitantly.
"… Thank you for your consideration, Koishi-chan," Patchouli smiled, and then her façade broke down as she bent over to weep into her hands.
"H-Hey…!" Yuugi and Parsee half got up, alarmed, but Patchouli shook her head.
"No… It's nothing, don't worry… Kuh…!" her crying got harder. T-That dream…!
"P-Patchouli-onee-san! K-Koishi knows what you dreamt of!" Koishi hurriedly patted Patchouli's back, "A-And I know for sure that it was just a dream! Koishi knows! Your friends would never do such a thing-"
"But that's it, isn't it? !" Patchouli suddenly exclaimed, her hands now clenched on her lap in fury. Koishi leapt back, while Yuugi and Parsee glanced at each other, at a loss on what to do.
"That's it, isn't it…?" Patchouli wept, "I know Reimu and Marisa would never do such things! And I know Alice, least of them all, would do such a thing! Yet I dreamt- No, I imagined…!" she clawed at her robe, "I… I dared think of them in such a vile manner! Marisa… Alice… Friends who have been nothing but good to me…! I-It sometimes feels like I just want them to betray me so that I can properly hate them…! !" she spat with hatred for herself.
Parsee shared a glance with Yuugi again, then sighed, "Patchouli-san… I can tell that there's intense jealousy in your heart…" she took the place Koishi had vacated and gently squeezed Patchouli's hand, "Mind sharing some of your issues with me?" she looked into Patchouli's eyes.
Patchouli stared back into those deep emerald orbs, and for some strange reason she found it easier to talk about her problems, a steady warmth flowing into her hand as the venom flowed out, "I-I hate the fact that Alice loves Marisa," Parsee looked down guiltily, "I love Alice myself, but both are my friends, and I don't want to hurt either… so…"
"Hmm..." Yuugi crossed her arms sagely, "Sounds to me like you're half-assing it…"
Parsee's jaw dropped and Koishi clasped her hands to her mouth, Patchouli's eyes snapping open with shock.
"What…?" she turned rigidly to Yuugi.
"I can tell you sincerely love this Alice girl, and that can never be denied by anyone! But…" Yuugi clapped a hand onto Patchouli's shoulder as she rubbed her chin, "Did you let her know ofyour love?" she gave Patchouli a 'gentle' rocking.
"O-Ow…! B-But I've already told her…" Patchouli said sadly.
"How? Half-heartedly? As in 'I love you, but I know you love someone else so I'm just going to stand aside'?" Yuugi asked pointedly, "Oi, oi, oi! You gave up before you even started, didn't you?"
Parsee had gotten up, ready to silence the Oni, while Koishi was peeking scared through her eyes.
Patchouli was still with turmoil, "I… But what about Alice's feelings?" she asked, "If I force myself on her too hard, we… we might not even be friends anymore!" Patchouli fretted.
"Hmph… Then I suppose you can stay friends," Yuugi crossed back her arms uninterestedly.
Patchouli gasped at Yuugi, while Parsee and Koishi cringed. W-What the hell is Yuugi saying-
SLAP!
"… Fufu…" Yuugi grinned as her face was turned away by a slap from Patchouli, Patchouli glaring at Yuugi with all the anger her frail body could muster.
"I… I don't want that!" she teared up, "I want Alice to understand l love her!"
"Oi… Are you in this or not…?" Yuugi glanced dismissively at Patchouli.
"…! I-I want Alice to understand I love her!" repeated Patchouli a bit louder.
"Really? Just 'understand'? That's it? You're mighty generous, aren't you…?" Yuugi taunted.
"…? ! N-No, it's not that…!I… I want Alice to love me! !" Patchouli suddenly exclaimed boldly.
"That's more like it! Go make that girl yours! One more time!" Yuugi demanded.
"I-I want Alice to love me! !"
At the side, Koishi was grinning happily while Parsee was putting her face to her palm.
SLAP!
"W-What were you making me say? ! T-That was so embarrassing!" Patchouli, face burning red, was retreating into the far end of the sofa away from the stupid Oni.
"Ahahaha… Well that got you all energetic!" both handprints on Yuugi's cheeks scrunched up beneath her grin. Parsee had given up on Yuugi and returned to her chair, sighing, while Koishi beamed.
Patchouli glared at Yuugi, then softened to an anxious glance, "I said all that… But… just how should I approach Alice?" she asked.
"Be persistent! Be assertive!" Yuugi's answer punched Patchouli's mind, "Don't back down until that girl's given you a clear answer!" she instructed.
"Yuugi, you idiot, you're going to get her rejected immediately!" Parsee clucked her tongue. "Listen," she said to Patchouli, "I-I myself may not have much experience in love, but I know it's the little things that count," she advised, "Most importantly, be considerate and sincere! You know, like doing nice things for her when convenient for the lady," for some reason Parsee was glaring at a sheepish Yuugi, "And just making sure she knows you're doing it because you like her."
"… That's a really wimpy approach-"
"And I suppose you can just blunder your way through love? !" Parsee immediately retorted Yuugi's criticism, looking as if she had had enough of the oaf.
"I did it though, didn't I?" Yuugi grinned, and Parsee suddenly averted eyes, blushing furiously.
Patchouli glanced between the two, lost, "Erm… Are you two by any chance a couple-"
"Yup." "N-No way, no!"
Patchouli looked at the proud Yuugi, then at the shrinking Parsee, and finally at the giggling Koishi.
"Best to leave such domestic affairs alone, right, Patchouli-onee-san?" Koishi smiled at Patchouli.
"… Yeah, I suppose you're right," Patchouli smiled back. Yuugi burst out into laughter while Parsee, blushing wildly, furiously cursed Yuugi beneath her breath.
"… More importantly, I have to get back to my friends," Patchouli said as Parsee took refuge in the kitchen under the pretence of making tea, "We got separated, and I'm worried about where the others ended up. And there's still that ongoing incident…"
"Ah… You mean the 'pairing plot' by Shiki Eiki?" Yuugi asked.
"Eh? You know about it?" Patchouli asked Yuugi, surprised.
"Sure she does, everyone was invited to this silly conference at Hakugyokurou," Parsee explained for Yuugi as she returned with a tray laden with tea. Distributing the glasses, she continued, "That Enma even tried to ask me for help, apparently to better manipulate you girls, but of course I don't tolerate such things…" Parsee crossed her legs as she sat down.
"Oh… Thank you, Parsee-san," Patchouli said.
"No need," Parsee smiled.
"So that was what Remilia had Koakuma burn… an invitation card…" Patchouli recalled, "This isn't good… To do things so selfishly behind our backs...! We have to stop that Shiki Eiki after all," Patchouli decided, "But first I need to find the others."
"But they could be anywhere, right?" Koishi pointed out worriedly.
"Not a problem!" Yuugi suddenly stood up, "I'll get you help! Just tell me who you want to look for first!"
"Eh? Yuugi, you're not thinking of searching everywhere, are you?" Parsee reminded her.
"Don't worry, don't worry! I'm not the one doing the searching!" Yuugi laughed, and the others sweat-dropped, "So, little girl!" she asked Patchouli, "Who first?"
"I-I want to find Alice first… Make sure she's alright," Patchouli decided.
"I just knew you'd pick her, good girl!" Yuugi grinned as Patchouli looked away, blushing about her obvious choice, "Oookay! Here we go!" Yuugi whipped out an old, worn talisman from her pocket, "Oh! So it is still there after all these centuries," she surprised herself, the others sweat-dropping more.
"Alright, let's see if it still works…" and Yuugi poured in her powers, causing the talisman to glow, "You know, in the old, old days, long before the time of the wimpy Mountain gods, when we majestic Oni were in control, the Tengu answered to us…" Yuugi gave a little history lesson.
Suddenly, a surprised voice crackled over the talisman, "Bzzt… W-What the…? Who's this?"
"Hello? Aya? Is that you?" Yuugi asked clearly.
Static.
"Shameimaru Aya! We all know of the work you did for Shiki Eiki, and I for one strongly disapprove of it!" Yuugi implicitly threatened.
"Bzzt… A-Ah…! W-What a surprise, Yuugi-dono! N-No one uses this line anymore…"
"You kept in touch though, really appreciate that!" Yuugi grinned, and Patchouli could almost imagine the crow tengu cringing on the other side, "Listen up! I need your help!"
"W-Well… Ahem! Yuugi-dono… times have changed…" Aya's voice crackled back, "We tengu no longer work under you, so I'm afraid I'll have to quote you a price depending on the service," stated the journalist.
"I've got two fists, how much will that get me?" Yuugi asked, Parsee and Patchouli face-palming and Koishi beaming.
"… W-Well! In consideration of our very, very long relationship, I-I'll give you a discount…!" Aya could be imagined to be cringing further.
"Don't worry! I'll pay up, you know me!" Yuugi reassured laughingly, "And it's a simple investigation, a missing person case, really easy… You know Alice Margatroid? The one Shiki Eiki won't stop yapping about at the conference? I need you to find her for me. I've got her friend here worried sick over her."
"… That's mean, Yuugi-dono," replied Aya, "You're asking me to betray my previous contractor."
"Did your previous contractor treat you to moon viewing parties and good sake?" Yuugi asked.
"… You'd better make sure the sake's good!" demanded Aya, sounding much more cheery, and the talisman cut off.
"There, see? What did I tell you?" Yuugi grinned at Patchouli, "We'll find Alice-san in no time!"
"Thank you very much, Yuugi-san," Patchouli said gratefully.
"And as soon as we find Alice-onee-san, I can show you the way out!" Koishi offered.
Patchouli looked around at Yuugi, Parsee and Koishi, and bowed, "T-Thank you all so much!" she said from the bottom of her heart, the trio smiling in return.
Chapter End
Omake
A conversation between Patchouli and Koishi as they waited for news from Aya.
Patchouli: Wait… So you were actually at the festival with us? You also got sent here through Yukari's gaps?
Koishi: Yup. We were looking for Alice-onee-san.
Patchouli: Alice? Wait… 'We'?
Koishi: Me, a companion, and Alice-onee-san's dolls. We found out about Shiki Eiki's plot you see, and Hourai-chan and Shanghai-chan wanted to rescue Alice-onee-san from it.
Patchouli: Hang on… You speak of the dolls as if they were alive…
Koishi: They are. Oh…! But promise you won't tell Alice-onee-san! T-They don't want her to know…
Patchouli: … Alice would be delighted if she knew though.
Koishi: …
Patchouli: Hmm… Well, we'll leave the decision to those two children, mmm?
Koishi: … Mmm!
Omake End