Chapter 26

Fang

She was right there; she was standing right there, only a few feet away, close enough to see that she was real. I could pick out all of her features, or at least the ones from behind, her body facing out towards the water. Every part of her was the same. She had the same frame, the same height, even the same scent. It was like a dream, receiving the one I love back from the dead, like the past few months were only a nightmare to be forgotten with time.

And then she turned around.

She was right there; she was right in front of me yet I did not know who she was. This girl was a stranger with angry, pain-filled eyes that smoldered gold with vengeance. Every part of her looked like made of molten metal, the color of her hair, the dress she wore, the tinge of her skin, and the feathers on her wings the same shade of gold. Every part of her was different. Her body was fuller, her frame more graceful, her scent sickeningly familiar yet riddled with something far too sweet. It was as if I was looking at a monster, one who had murdered one of my allies and tried to end another. It was as if I were watching the one that I love come back only to transform into something hideously evil.

I witnessed her kill Dylan; I saw her pull the trigger. I saw the bullets lodge themselves into his head, his chest, and his heart. It was disturbing to say the least, but what was even more so was watching her go after Angel. She pointed the barrel of a loaded gun to the head of a child for no other reason than saying that the girl could not be trusted.

I had to catch my breath when they went through the window; I really thought they were going to fall over the cliff, but they stopped just a few inches short of the edge. Max had everything exactly where she wanted; Angel was in her view, but for some reason, after all of those killings, after all the ITEX lives she claimed, she couldn't pull the trigger. Now, I was glad she didn't kill Angel, but I was more confused as to why. After all she had done, why stop at Angel, the person she appeared to want to end the most?

I debated calling her name, unsure of drawing attention to myself. I feared what she would do. Would she kill me or would she break down and let me go as she did Angel? I'd like to think that she had a sudden change of heart, but something told me that there was more to that story than anyone knew. I swallowed my fear and called out to her, my voice small and wavering, but I knew she would hear it. She always heard it.

So, as Max turned to face me, I steeled myself for the inevitable confrontation. There were a million questions I wanted to ask her. I wanted to understand what the hell was going on. I wanted to know how she was here and why she had spent so long decierand I swore to get them, even if I had to bring Max back from the afterlife again.

She looked like she was dead already though, her eyes heavy and unfocused, her body slumped over as if she were exhausted. It was as if she was in a resigned state, waiting for what was to come next with solemn acceptance. Over all, her whole demeanor just appeared defeated.

"There was a sunrise like this that morning." she commented, turning back towards the sun. "You know, the day I died. I woke up and there it was, all sparkling and new. I didn't really notice how beautiful it was until now..."

I didn't expect her to say anything, but if she did, that wouldn't have been my first guess. Still, I didn't let that phase me. I was going to get my answers, so I pressed on, gathering the courage to step nearer to her.

"Max...look at me," I requested, trying to be gentle.

"Did you see that sunrise?"

She was still ignoring me, so I decided to screw consequences. I went over to her and grabbed her shoulder gently, turning her so she faced me.

"Max look at me."

So she did, her heavy golden eyes lingering on mine. It was like looking into the eyes of a stranger, a particurally troubled stranger who was so unbearably sad.

"Tell me. Tell me what's happening. There's so much I don't understand, and I think I deserve some answers after the hell you put me through."

"Fang, I wish I could tell you, but there is so much that even I don't know..."

She grew more distant from me, her body leaning away, slipping from my grasp and towards the cliff's edge. It was as if she was drawn to the sun, her whole body pulled to it by some invisible force.

"Then start by explaining how you're alive," I suggested, hoping she would take that as her cue to start talking. "They told me you were crushed by rocks; the site we found was completely destroyed, the whole mountain side looked as if it had been hollowed out."

"Exploded. It exploded. I exploded. It all went up in flames...I'm still up in flames..." her voice was like a whisper, floating through the wind. "I wish I was alive. Being alive was so much simpler than this."

"But you are alive Max! You're standing right in front of me! I can touch you, see you, hear you..."

She was infuriating me. I wasn't sure if she was screwing with me or if she was just so mentally fucked up that she was genuinely confused, because she was making no sense. What was so hard about just giving me a straight answer for once in her life. I guess things were no different now than they were then.

"You put me through hell you know. When I was trapped in that cave, I was begging you to come save me. For some reason, I genuinely believed that you would come back for me, that you would rescue me and take me away from all our problems," she lamented and shook her head, the passion in her voice as she scolded me sounding more like her old self. "Stupid, I know, but I really believed it. Even after I died I still believed you'd come for me. I guess in my heart of hearts, I knew you weren't really coming...I just needed someone to believe in."

"Max, what are you talking about?"

I was more than confused, I was absolutely lost. She was speaking in circles, infuriating me. Why was she being so purposely obtuse? Why couldn't she just say what she needed to say?

"Angel trapped me inside a cave and filled it to the brim with explosives. It blew up, and so did I," she said it as if it happened every day, as if it were normal.

"So I'm just supposed to believe that a seven year old whom you've lived with your entire life and practically raised got her hands on enough explosives to take down a mountain, strapped you to them, and then left you to die?"

"What reason would I have to lie now? She's won," Max replied tiredly and turned around to face me. Her expression was so dismal, so visibly beaten that it startled me.

"Won what Max? That shooting match back in the ballroom? That looked like a one-woman killing spree to me," I replied more harshly than I intended. "You killed Dylan in cold blood."

"I killed Dylan so he couldn't kill anyone else," Max countered, her gaze becoming sharp and defensive.

"Do you even hear yourself right now?" I asked incredulously. "You're justifying the murder of someone you're supposed to care about!"

"I did care about Dylan, just like I cared about Angel once upon a time. Not anymore, not now that I know who they really are," she insisted, her voice full of conviction. "You heard what she said Fang. Tell me you heard her when we fought."

I shut my mouth and worked my jaw, trying to keep my patience. Yeah, I head what Angel had said, and yeah, not all of it had been good. I didn't know why Angel told Max she was a traitor, that she was our enemy. I didn't understand why Angel would try to implode my mind, causing me pain. I figured it was for show, but some voice in the back of my head suggested otherwise, that she was a little too good at playing the villain. Still, the notion seemed far fetched. I would need more than just words to be convinced.

"Who are they then? Who could they possibly be to deserve what you did to them?"

Max ground her jaw down tightly, and my questions were greeted with more silence. That was my tipping point. I threw my hands up in the air and let out a frustrated sigh, pulling at my hair.

"Oh, here we go again...why can't you just give me a straight answer? What is so difficult for you to say?"

"It's a hollow feeling, knowing your entire life was a lie. To think that you knew the ones you cared about only to discover they're working for the very people who tore you apart piece by piece only to stitch you back together. To learn that your allies were your enemies and your friends were the people who hated you most. To learn that your real purpose in life was something far more horrifying than you could have ever imagined. To find out that you're the very thing that you've been fighting against. Can you imagine that feeling?"

I couldn't respond, not because I wasn't expecting her to answer, but because I wasn't expecting the serious and terrifyingly important information within her answer. Max sounded tense and angry, but more of an anger towards herself. Her fists were clenched tightly and she was trying to keep herself neutral, but I could see just how much pain she was in. Whatever this was was eating her from the inside, and from the looks of it, she was not willing to delve into specifics. I wished she would. I would give anything to help her, to understand her. But she was shining and golden and strangely dim in the growing sunlight, like the morning was leeching out her color and sucking her away, making her sadder and more tired by the second.

"I suppose not," she sighed and chuckled. "Because you have always been Fang. Simple, dark Fang. Thankfully you always will be. But me...I'm not even sure what I am...what I was."

"Max, what do you know? Is this about ITEX? Max if you know something then you have to tell me..."

I tried not to be pushy, but I felt as if I was failing at it. I could tell by the stone-cold glare I received

"I hope you never know the things I know, the things I wish I never learned. That kind of information can change a person Fang, break them past the point of no return, break them like me." She stepped towards me in serious urgency. "Promise me that you will never try to find out, that you will never go looking for answers. It's not worth the pain..."

"I promise, but Max, what does this-?"

"And promise me that you will be wary of Angel."

"Max..."

"You don't have to confront her or hate her or shun her, just be wary of her. Please. For your own safety, trust me."

She looked so desperate that I couldn't say no. Besides, I had planned on watching Angel a little more closely after the day's events anyway.

"Good...good." she nodded to herself and stepped back to the cliff side.

The sunrise had grown, the sun almost halfway up the horizon, painting the sky a whole myriad of colors. It really was beautiful, all the pinks and yellows swirling together in an alarming vibrancy. Actually, it was almost too bright when I thought about it. Almost as if the sun was reaching out to that very cliff, the warm golden rays tangible, covering the ground in thick mist.

"You know, it's a strange feeling dying. It's not one that leaves you easily, the feeling of being here one moment and gone the next," she spoke up, pulling me back into the moment. She sounded sad again, resigned as she looked out at the sun. "I suppose I won't feel that way again. I was never here to begin with."

I gave her a strange look, but she didn't look up to see it. Instead, she was just as fascinated with the golden mist as I was. So it wasn't just in my head. That was a relief. But it didn't shake the strange sinking feeling in my stomach that the mist was not as friendly as it seemed.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's taken me a while to understand, but I get it now. I've been here on Earth in a body that that isn't even my own, bearing a power that was given to me by some mad woman in the sky, and using up energy to maintain this illusion that I'm whole when I'm not. I'm a shell, Fang. I'm not real. That's why I can't be hurt, why when Dylan tried to shoot me the bullets bounced right back. I've been wasting all this power trying to save the world for nothing. After all that work and suffering, I fell short in the end. Angel escaped, and by letting her go I've screwed over the entire world. Everyone is going to suffer for my mistakes, and I won't even be around to see it."

I was dumbstruck, completely confused about every single word that came out of her mouth. She wasn't making sense, practically speaking in tongues. I knew she could tell I was lost - the look on my face most likely gave me away - and she cracked a small smile, one of the genuine rare kind.

"I know it doesn't make sense now, and I am so sorry. I wish I had the time to tell you everything, but I can't... I don't have time."

I was getting nervous. She was talking like she was going to jump off the cliff or something. I still didn't understand what she was saying about being dead, but I was sure we could discuss it somewhere far away from harmful objects.

"Max, just step down from the edge and we can talk about everything inside," I suggested, extending my hand to pull her inside where she was far away from drastic heights and golden mist.

"Look at the sunrise..." she murmured, so I did. It was nearly all the way up and growing by the moment. "It's nearly up now. Nearly time for me to go."

"Max, come on..."

I needed her to come with me, but she didn't even look my way. Her gaze was fixed on the sun, watching it with rapt attention, like a woman possessed.

"Child of gold, child of light

Of unholy power, of unequaled might

Must end the reign of terror and fight

In fourteen days and thirteen nights.

The fate of life hangs in the balance

If the child fails the challenge

Either way, the child be gone

After thirteenth night, fourteenth dawn."

It was a haunting verse, and I was straight up panicking at this point. Her voice had sounded layered, like there was more than one person speaking through her from the highest soprano to a deep rumbling base. It sent chills down my spine, the words of power riveting through my entire body. It was a sensation I never hoped to feel again. I was about to make my fears know when Max spoke once more, thankfully just as herself.

"I had fourteen days to complete my mission. Fourteen days to save the world. This sunrise marks the fourteenth dawn..."

She raised her hand to the sun, and the pieces clicked into place. I finally understood. Her skin was faintly sparkling in the beams of light, her body becoming more and more translucent as the sun rose higher. The mist wasn't just mist; it piled at her feet like a cloud, waiting to smother her completely. I wanted to grab her, hold on to her and never let go, but I was afraid that if I did, she might vanish right in front of my eyes. If I was right, she was going to vanish anyway, and soon.

"How can we stop it? What can we do?" I asked, starting to panic. All of my survival skills flooded my brain, but none of them posed a solution to the very unique problem I was faced with. What could possibly stop someone from dissolving into thin air?

"There's nothing you can do. My decision has already been made for me," she said, and her calm made my frustrations rise.

"NO! You can't go, not again!"

I had just gotten her back, and whatever form she was in now was better than no form at all. There was still so much I needed to say, so many bridges to rebuild and wounds to mend. We were still so broken and now my second chance was being ripped from my hands.

"Fang, I was never here to begin with. You're not losing me again," she tried to assure me, like that would make me feel better.

"Easy for you to say! You're not the one who's being left behind. You're not the one who'll have to put on a show for the kids so they don't lose it when I tell them that the girl they consider their mother left them again!" I shouted.

I raged inside my mind, and out loud, and all of it made perfect sense until I realized that it wasn't going to do one damn bit of difference. No matter what I said, no matter how hard I tried, Max was going to disappear, and I couldn't stop it.

I ran my hands over my face, pulling at it for no reason other than to clear my head, to shut out all my thoughts. Maybe, if I pulled hard enough, Fang would rub away and take all of his pains and memories with him, leaving me to start over, a clean slate. That's what it would take to live without Max. That I have always known.

When I had calmed down enough to speak, I looked at Max who was getting more and more blurry, a golden sheen beginning to envelope her around the edges.

"The flock's seen you. They're going to want answers..."

It was all I could think of. What else was there left to say? It wouldn't matter if I got on my hands and knees and begged her to stay, or if I confessed my soul to her. I could recite all the pretty words and empty promises I wanted. She was still going, and I couldn't stop her.

"You'll come up with something. Bullshit has always been your area of expertise..." her lips pulled up at the corners. It wasn't much, but it was enough for me to notice that she was smiling through the tears forming in her eyes.

I chuckled a little, a grim one. "I guess the truth will won't suffice."

"No. You can't tell them the truth."

"Of course not..."

I leaned my head back, letting the blood rush in and out. I counted time by my racing pulse, wondering how many more heartbeats Max and I would share before she left. If she even had a heart. I hadn't even asked.

"Fang...I really am sorry..." her voice filtered through my ears, an uncharacteristic softness to her words that threatened to make my throat close up. No, I couldn't lose it. This was not the time to break down event though my heart was shattering again. I had too much to do, too much to stay strong for.

"Don't worry about me...I'll handle everything here," I replied, trying to sound stronger than I was. God, when had she made me so weak? I hated feeling this way, like my world was falling apart from under me and I was falling down with it.

"Fang..." Max started, wringing her hands together nervously. "I understand if you hate me. I deserve it."

"I don't hate you Max. Even now, even after all the shit you've done, I don't hate you," I sighed. Even though I was seriously wary, I knew that was the truth. However, there was one more truth yet to tell, one that laid heavy on my chest, outweighing all the other pain that had piled there. "I just don't know you anymore...because the Max in front of me isn't the Max I used to know. You're not the Max I loved."

Max nodded, and as she raised her heavy head, a golden cloud overtook her, wrapping itself around her body. It swirled up from her toes, all the way to the top of her head, bringing her hair up with it. There as a wind that blew out of no where, lifting her slightly off of the grass to hover in mid air.

I was blinded by the light, stumbling back from the wind, but I could still see what was occuring. As the light surrounded Max, it took the gold with it. The color faded from her hair, she shine left her feathers and her skin, flittering away to join the cloud, returning the girl I used to know.

She was right there; she was floating right there a few feet away from me, her body slowly lifting itself off the ground. She was covered in a golden cloud, but I could make out every one of her features. I could pick out every one of her dirty blonde strands of hair and every freckle on her face, every spotted feather on her motley wings. Most of all, I stared deep into her brown eyes, deep brown eyes that I have known my entire life, giving me a look I knew all too well. It was her 'good luck' face, the one she gave when she had to leave, or say goodbye. I was so fixed on those orbs, that I almost missed her right arm move through the cloud and form a gesture I'd seen my entire life. The wave was slow and small, but it held every bit of meaning, just like the smile she gave me through the strengthening gold.

She was vanishing, dissolving into the golden mist. It glowed and sparkled, whisking away the remaining shards of gold left on her, bringing it up far into the sky, past where I could see. When it was all gone, it was as if her body was flickering, her true form almost see-through, colored vaguely by her silhouette. The sun was nearly up, only the tiniest fraction remained, and I closed my eyes and prayed this was all a dream.

In that moment, I wondered if she was scared to go, to be dissolved into light, but if she was, she didn't show it. If anything, she looked relieved, happy that it was almost over, and I intently watched her gossamer lips move to make three words I knew all too well, that I had been secretly waiting ages to hear, that I thought I'd never hear again.

I love you.

Then the final wisps of gold ascended, and she was gone.