Uugh, this was the oneshot from hell. Seven hours, this took - seven hours.

Review replies;

OddAuthor: Just a bit, yeah. :P Thanks for reading!

TweenisodeOrange: Moderation?! What is this sorcery? D: Thanks for reviewing.

Zim'sMostLoyalServant: We shall see - Dib should probably be worried, though. :D Thanks for the review!

Cartoonatic55: Just a tad. :] Thanks very much!

26/10/12: But Then There Were Robots

"I've got it!" yelled Professor Finbarr Calamitous as he pointed dramatically at the ceiling.

"...what, a four letter word beginning with B?" quizzed Ember, looking up from their Scrabble game.

"No!" retorted Calamitous, indignantly, "An evil plan!"

He, Ember and ManRay (who was sneaking peeks at everyone else's letters when no-one was looking) were sitting at a table on the bridge of Professor Calamitous' new moon base.

"Ooh, is it a diabolical plan?" quizzed ManRay, excitedly.

"Quite," replied Calamitous, grinning evilly, "I shall gather several unwitting subjects, bring them to my newly-built and seldom mentioned Human-to-Robot converter, and...um...what's the word?"

"Eliminate?" quizzed ManRay.

"Control?" suggested Ember.

"...no, it's...I've got it! I shall robotic...no, that's terrible, I shall mechanicalize them!" exclaimed Calamitous.

There was an audible slap as Ember facepalmed.

"Hmm," mused ManRay, "We're going to need to be discreet about this. We can't have people noticing their loved ones being turned into soulless automations, after all."

"Oh, don't worry," sneered Calamitous, "I've planned for that..."

Ding dong!

Professor Membrane strode up to the door of his house, Dib following behind him.

"I'm telling you, dad, something weird's going on," warned Dib, "I'm getting a lot of weird radio transmissions from the Moon! It's gotta be aliens!"

"Oh, son," responded Membrane, "The only living things on the Moon are the lab assistants I shot into space last year. There is nothing to worry about!"

He opened the door.

"GREETINGS DESIGNATION: FATHER UNIT," boomed Gaz, her glowing red eyes contrasting her rather rusty metal skin, "I, YOUR NORMAL HUMAN SON/DAUGHTER, HAVE RETURNED FROM SCHOOL. I SHALL NOW CONSUME DINNER AND RETIRE TO BED. I AM A PERFECTLY NORMAL HUMAN CHILD."

"You see?" grinned Membrane, oblivious to Dib's horrified expression, "Everything is just as it should be. Now back to the lab!"

"Okay, maybe it could use a little bit of work," admitted Calamitous, watching the scene from a monitor in the space station.

"You think?" replied Ember, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, new plan," decided Calamitous, "We upgrade the machine and test it properly before using it."

He paused.

"Actually, that probably should have been our first plan."

Two weeks later, Calamitous finished upgrading his Human-to-Robot converter and was ready to test it on his first test subjects...

"Rise and shine, Mister Squarepants, rise and shine."

Spongebob opened his eyes. He could see the blurred image of a short, rotund man with a bushy moustache.

"Good Neptune!" he exclaimed, "It's Dr. Eggman!"

"Yes, it is I, Dr-wait, what?" responded Calamitous, "What're you talking about? I'm Professor Calamitous, you brainless ninny!"

"...you do kinda look like Dr. Eggman," mused Spongebob, "I mean, if you dyed your hair..."

"Yes, whatever," groaned Calamitous, "Onto business."

He proceeded to laugh maniacally.

"You are now my prisoner," he sneered, "Doomed to be converted into a robot to assist in my world domination schemes! Here's one I made earlier."

He stepped aside, revealing a robotic Patrick, demonstrating the advanced technology of artificially intelligent robots by walking into the wall repeatedly.

"...his brain doesn't really work very well," murmured Calamitous.

"Patrick!" exclaimed Spongebob.

"Yes!" thundered Calamitous, "And that is what will happen to you – you, and your squirrel friend, and your neighbour, and your boss, and your snail, and...well, you get the point, I suppose. ManRay! Take him away!"

Spongebob was tied up and taken to the Laboratory (thunder and lightning), where the converter was being held.

It wasn't all that impressive actually. It was a little glass tube with some wires running into it, as well as a small console made from old GameCube parts. It would not have looked out of place as a set decoration on the original Star Trek series.

Spongebob was put down next to Calamitous' other prisoner.

"Oh hai Sandy! How'd you get here?" he asked.

"Trust me, I didn't make it easy on 'em," muttered Sandy.

Indeed, she had been captured after a long and fierce duel with Ember. I'm sure you all wanted to see the squirrel-on-ghost rocker catfight, but I like to think I'm better than that, so no fanservice for you. Troll-lol-lol-lol-lol, lads.

Anyway, at this point, Professor Calamitous entered the lab, rubbing his hands together.

"Excellent!" he exclaimed, "Now, insert the prisoners into the tube!"

ManRay shoved the two prisoners into the tube, where they were constrained back-to-back.

"Um, Calamitous?" gulped Spongebob, "Is this safe?"

"Absolutely not!" replied Calamitous, putting his finger on the big red button.

An electrical pulse erupted at the bottom of the tube, slowly moving up. As it did, it converted flesh to metal, veins to wire, muscles to machinery, and so on so forth.

Spongebob's legs became long, thin, extendable-looking metal constructs. His pants and body became steel, the holes smoothing out into simple, panel-like patches. His arms changed in the same way his legs had. His mouth remained mostly unchanged in shape, as did his nose, but his eyes turned black with glowing blue irises.

Sandy's legs thickened out slightly, becoming not dissimilar to those of Jenny Wakeman. Her skirt become spikier and her arms changed to become like Spongebob's. Her mouth vanished as the pulse moved over her head, leaving just an imprint of her nose and two black eyes with green irises.

Then, the pulsing stopped.

"Well?" quizzed Calamitous, "Did it work?"

"Unit-Spongebob reporting for duty," said Spongebob, in monotone.

"Unit-Sandy reporting for duty," said Sandy, in monotone.

"Brilliant!" exclaimed Calamitous, rubbing his hands together, "It works! Now, onto part two of Phase One of our plan!"

"...don't you mean Phase Two?" asked ManRay.

"You ever hear the saying 'you can't thwart Phase One?"

"Ah, of course."

"So," nodded Ember, "Do we use them to take over the world? To spy on people?"

"Oh, I've got something much better..." chuckled Calamitous.

ROBOTS FOR SALE

Three robots, slightly used condition. Advanced AI (one is somewhat broken), various gadgetry. $100 apiece (or best offer).

Proceeds to be used to fund construction of Professor Calamitous' world domination schemes.

Please call 1800-UMMMM if interested. Heroes and law-enforcement agencies need not apply.

Oh, Calamitous! :D