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[BITTERSWEET CATASTROPHE]

chapter twenty-six

trainwreck

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"Yamato, it's been a while."

Good job, Sora. I tell myself.

All I had to do was turn around, pretend I hadn't heard anything and walked off. But no. It's like I like to make things difficult for myself. As soon as I knew that he was here, I couldn't bring myself to walk away. Believe me, I've done well not seeing him, though because I know he's here I can't leave. I just can't…I need answers.

I pretended it didn't bother me. I had erased him from thoughts, knowing there was no point to get worked up over him after all that's happened. Or, I had thought I had forgotten him. Seems like he still plagues me even to this day - and it's been months, maybe even half a year now that I think about it.

However, seeing him here makes me feel unsettled. Naturally, it would...but I just don't get why he had to fuck up things between us. I want to know. I know I can just jump to a conclusion and say he's an asshole, yet I know there's much more to him. There's something I'm missing. Now I sound like I'm making excuses for him. I'm not. I need closure, and to obtain this closure I need clarity. Even if it means I have to confront him.

His piercing eyes are giving me a one-over as I reluctantly amble closer to him on the balcony. He chooses to look away, staring at the glossing pool from the dim lighting. He takes a while to address me, like he's debating whether he should ignore me or to partake in conversation.

"Sora."

At least I know he isn't going to completely avoid my existence, but it'll do. He's leaning against a steel table, shoulders sloped in a wearisome manner. I opt to take a seat on same table, facing the side of his body because he's still staring at the pool.

I lean back, folding my legs together. It's more quieter here. I can hear the noisy humming of the guests from inside, and asides from the company, it feels better being out. Although I don't like too much noise, I don't like that Yamato hasn't spoken to me yet.

"Takeru's pissed off with you," I start. "What did you do?"

His jaw tightens. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough to figure out the full picture."

Yamato curses at that, but I shrug. I'm not going to lie when their brotherly dispute was fairly audible. Anybody would have been able to hear them arguing if they had walked by since Takeru and Yamato weren't being the least bit discreet.

He mutters, "You could have walked away."

"Like you did?"

His shoulders tense up. He knows I'm not talking about stumbling across Takeru and his bicker anymore. I can't take back my worths either. It had come out before I had processed the words in my mind, and I'm not going to insist that I had said it by accident. I had meant to say it to a certain degree. Of course I had.

Seeing that he's got nothing to say, I keep going. My tone is bitter when I speak, "It's fine. I know you were just using me too."

At this, Yamato turns. His eyes narrowed, igniting with fury and madness. "I wasn't."

"Right," I snort. If he wants to play this game, fine. I'm trying to be civil, to be calm. But being in the same place as Yamato has sparked my anger again - especially when he's the one who's about to lose his temper at me. Shouldn't it be me who has the right to be infuriated? The balls he has. I want to rip him apart. "You were. That's all you wanted from me. You get bored, you sleep around. I was just another person on your list because you don't know what the hell you want. If you had the gall, all you had to do was speak to me. But you didn't...did you?"

"You don't know anything about me."

"Think about it, Yamato. Did you even bother to allow me to?" I reply. I stammer. My voice is shaky. I swivel off the stool, propping my chin up and glaring straight at his face. "You may have divulged some things about yourself to me, but you-you know that you weren't telling me everything. You'd still hide things from me that I never knew about; that I still don't know about. How could we be together if you never could trust me-"

"And you're one to talk. Care to explain that other man? He doesn't look like just an ordinary ex."

"I already told you that he means nothing to me now!" I exclaim. "Why do I have to explain this to you? Even after all this time, you're holding onto a grudge. I thought you'd might change in this period...but look at you! You're a wreck!"

Perhaps I'm being brutal, but he's triggering me to act the way I am. I'm infuriated by him, what he's doing to himself and others. Jun's worried about him. Taichi's not speaking to him and Takeru's exasperated with him.

This isn't Yamato; and I want the Yamato I know to come back to his senses. I want the Yamato I know to get back on track and to pick himself up! I can't even be completely mad at him because he's not being the person I knew. His eyes are staring at his feet now, unsure what to do or say. Since I'm closer, his skin looks dry, bags more visible under his eyes and there's uneven stubble. He's not grooming himself properly, and seeing him up close like this makes me more upset.

"Shut up," he snarls at me. His tone shocks me a bit. He's never really spoken to me in this way. "Like I said, you don't know anything about me Sora. You're perfect. You've got parents who are both alive and who love you. You have the perfect family. You're independent, successful on your own. You don't have people at your back, attacking you or wanting you dead, or stalking you to your home. Compared to me, you've got it easy. You're a princess. You've got everything you want, so stop being a bitch."

"Fuck you," I growl.

"Haven't you already?"

I slap him. His jaw clenches, eyes shut tight. Even he's as shocked as I am by what I've done. I can feel my hand tingling from the impact of it against his cheek. Again, I've done something without thinking, but when he started talking about how my life was perfect - how I had it good compared to him, it truly had vexed me.

Doesn't he see how good he has it too? He's got a great brother, mother, friends, band...and he's a talented musician who also is darn successful too! He's got more money that I could ever dream of, and even if he looks like trainwreck right now - he's still fucking attractive. He could have had a ton of models clinging onto his arms, yet he had chosen to sleep with and fuck things over. He had said he wanted to be with me, and I had begun to construct the false dream of being his partner.

"Maybe I deserved that." His hand clutches onto his left cheek, still stunned.

"You did," I state, trembling. Tears are forming around the corner of my eyes. I use the back of my hand to abruptly wipe them away. He notices the swift movement.

His voice breaks, "Sora…"

The idiot still cares. Regret, sorrow and anguish is swirling in those irritating blue eyes of his. Had those emotions been there when I had looked into his eyes last? Had he been disguising them? Behind his insensitive words, his cold tone and his desperate need to avoid me...he's still hiding from me what he's feeling? After all this? If he cares why did he run away?

"I'm sorry."

It's delayed, but there it is. My gaze drifts away from him, staring at the tiled ground. I can't look at him anymore. I don't know what to do. Why is Yamato making everything so difficult for me? I want to be angry at him. I want to hate him. But I still care about him too. I hate this. I really do.

"Why are you sorry, Uncle Yamato?" Hiroto appears behind me, tugging onto the pants of the jumpsuit that I'm wearing and angling his tiny head upwards at his uncle.

"About many things." Yamato chuckles. He bends his knees to Hiroto's level, planting a kiss on his forehead. It's the first time I've seen his eyes brighten up in amusement tonight. "If your Aunt Sora forgives me, maybe I'll feel better."

"Don't pull that card out, Ishida." I cross my arms together, unimpressed by his tactic. This is not what I had planned. He's using his nephew as leeway; and I refuse to let him get out of this spectacle that easily - not after all we've been through.

"What choice do I have? Everybody hates me right now," Yamato says back.

Hiroto tilts his head. "But I love you Uncle Yamato."

"I know you do. And you're all I need, Hiroto-kun."

"Have you ever considered to stop thinking that everybody hates you and then, perhaps, you'll stop being an assho-I-I mean," I catch myself from bad-mouthing Yamato in front of Hiroto, "-a bad person."

"A bad person?" Yamato repeats, raising an eyebrow. He's challenging me and really juicing Hiroto to his advantage.

"HIROTO-KUN! WHERE ARE YOU? " Although I can't see her, it's Hikari who is shouting for her son. She's screaming so hard that her voice is coming up on top of the music, floating to where we are standing on the balcony. "WE'RE GOING TO BLOW THE CAKE!"

"CAKE!" Hiroto yells. He spins away from Yamato's grasp. His movements are so sudden that as he's about to rush back inside, his feet skids against the tiles.

Yamato doesn't beat me to break his fall. Maybe I have faster reflexes because I jolt behind Hiroto, using my body to rebound him off me.

Splash!

I shriek when I slip backwards, body forcefully being submerged into the ice-chilling water. From Hiroto's tiny body crashing onto me, the impact had made me fall into the pool. The smell of pungent chlorine makes me want to throw up. My formal clothes are heavy, and sticking uncomfortably against my body. The friction between the water and my jumpsuit pants are irritating, and the feel of it is more apparent as I use my legs to kick, keeping my body buoyant. I gasp for air, lifting my head above the rippling surface.

My Prince Charming has run away, betraying me for cake this time. At least I know Hiroto is safe.

Yet, out of all people, it had to be Yamato that had literally witnessed my fall - and he's actually laughing at me. I puff my cheeks at the observer. "Aren't you at least going to help me up?"

"You're swimming. You can handle yourself, Sora. We both know you're more athletic than I am."

How could I have forgotten that Yamato isn't always a gentleman? I suddenly remember of that time he had been my partner at Koushiro's launch. He hadn't even bothered to rescue me from that doctor who was trying to score with me because he said that I could 'handle' it myself.

Anyway, it's probably better that I don't rely on him. I don't need him. He isn't wrong because I know to pick myself up.

He adds, "Besides, I can't swim."

I roll my eyes at his excuse, paddling over to the side of the pool to find the steel staircase. Propelling myself upwards, I begin the process of dragging my body out of the pool. It's an effort because the gravity from my clothing is making it harder to get out. Torrents of water seeps down my body as I get out. The jumpsuit is sticking to me, and the breeze does a great job at making my teeth chatter and causing my body to shudder uncontrollably from the temperature drop.

As if remembering etiquette, Yamato takes off his dress jacket and places it around my shoulders. I stare at him, suspecting and exhausted as I wrap it around my body. His warmth feels nice, but I don't tell him that.

I march past him, making it my primary task to find Mimi. From what I recall from over the phone call last night, Mimi had mentioned to me that she had booked Taichi and herself a room at the venue's hotel this evening. Both Taichi and her had had work today, so they had changed and gotten ready in their booked room before heading up to the rooftop bar for Koushiro's party.

Mimi's at the booth with Miyako. They're both sharing some chocolate cake. With the whole fiasco if me landing into the pool, I had missed the singing of 'Happy Birthday' and the dispersion of cake. However, from the look on Mimi's scrunched up face, I know the cake isn't all that good. Mimi's really picky with her food because she's a great patissier and, arguably, the best chef present at this party - so she has a reason to criticise food when it doesn't match her standards.

She sends suspicious glances between Yamato and I through her long lashes (I don't even know why Yamato's following me at this point, but I ignore him). It takes Mimi a while to note that I'm not wearing Yamato's jacket 'just because', but within reason since my whole attire is damp. She states the obvious, "Sora! You're wet!"

I deadpan, "I went swimming."

"She fell in," Yamato corrects.

Miyako accuses him, "Was it you who pushed her into the pool?"

"No. I accidentally fell in." As much as I want to point fingers and blame Yamato, it was I who had been clumsy. "Say, Mimi...can I borrow your hotel key? I need to get changed. You wouldn't have a spare change of clothes as well?"

Mimi doesn't question me, immediately fishing through her purse. She hands me the keycard and instructs, "Room 1807. I've only got one set of clean clothes to wear tomorrow, but I need them for a meeting." She then suggests, "You can wear my work clothes?"

"Sounds good," I reply. Mimi's work clothing is better than nothing - anything to get out of these sticky clothing and into something dry. "I'll be back."

I stalk out of the bar, hurrying towards the lifts. My feet are cold as my toes touch the tiled surface. Had I forgotten about my heels? Yes. They must have fallen off when I had stumbled into the pool…

The elevator arrives and I swipe the keycard to level eighteen. Once reaching the level, I let out a sigh of relief when I feel that the ground is replaced with carpet as I walk down the corridor. Number 07 appears and the keycard permits me entry. The door is about to close, but a hand holds it agape.

I blink. Yamato's trailed after me? I hadn't expected him to keep following me. I had made it clear, perhaps not verbally, that I hadn't wanted anybody to go with me to the hotel room. I was going to dry up, quickly get changed and go back to the party. Then why is Yamato here? Why hadn't I heard, or paid attention to his presence? I thought he had stayed behind because it had been quiet in the elevator. It's funny because Yamato can be silent during one period, or a chattering mess whenever he wants to be. Just how many sides does Yamato have? How many sides has he been disguising from me?

"Why are you here?"

Yamato looks vacantly at me. At least he's not leering, but it's still tripping me out. He replies, "My jacket."

"Oh," I say, not knowing how else to respond. His reasoning still does not make sense, but I leave it. At least he's not saying he wants to sleep with me...unless that's the reason why he's decided to go to the hotel room? No way. That's not happening. He, no...is that what he's thinking?

I glance at him. He's not staring at me, but more intently at his jacket that I'm wearing. I clear my throat, "Sure. I'll quickly get changed and give your jacket back then."

"Please…"

Right. Is it me, or is he acting odder?

Shrugging, I go inside the bathroom. I lock the door as I'm feeling weary. What has gotten into him? One moment we're in a heated argument, the next he's spacing out on me. Jun had gone out of her way to find me recently. She had been worried. Is it because of how he is now? He is a trainwreck...but why is he one?

I don't feel comfortable getting out of the bathroom anytime soon. Peeling off my clothing and underwear, I hang them onto the rails to dry. I could dress straight away into Mimi's work clothes after I dry myself, but I refrain from doing so. If anything, I want to stretch as much time as I can from facing Yamato again - even if means that I'll have to shower in the process. Hopefully, by then, Yamato would have left the hotel room.

The steam fogs up the vanity mirror by the time I step out of the shower. Drying my body with a fluffy towel, I wriggle into Mimi's work clothing. It smells of pastries and honey. At least Mimi's work doesn't entail any disgusting odours. I place the towel on another rail to dry. As I'm about to use the blow-dryer, there's a hard knock on the door.

"Hurry up!" Yamato scolds, tone urgent.

I frown. "Do you need to use the toilet?"

"No! I need my jacket."

"Why?" I mumble, untangling the tangles in my hair with Mimi's magenta comb. I catch my reflection in the mirror, eyebrows raised, confused by Yamato's insistence for his jacket. The temperature isn't as cold because we're indoors and in a heated room now.

"I need it now, Sora!" He demands, "Give it to me! It's itching."

I ask, concerned, "What's itching? Yamato, what's wrong?"

"They're going to eat me!" He's desperate now, fists banging against the door.

What the hell is he talking about? Sure, I had scented some alcohol on him, but there's something else that's messing with him. He's frantic. He's done a one-eighty. He's...

The jacket is on the ground.

I squat down to pick it up, and as I do a few small transparent plastic packets fall out. There's an evenly distributed amount of white powder inside these packets. I drop the jacket, picking one of the plastic sleeves. My hands are shaky, observing the way the light reflects against the powdered crystals in the lighting. I then gaze at the door, mouth slightly agape, bewildered as I try to process it all. No. This...this can't be? Yamato wouldn't - would he?

Numbly, I crawl to the toilet. I toss all the plastic sachets into it. I flush it in time before the door is kicked open.

His eyes are bloodshot, face distorted in panic as he watches the plastic packets disappear from sight. He coldly leers at me. He spits, "What the fuck did you do?"

"What the fuck are you doing?" I snap back, feeling absolutely livid and sick in the stomach. "What the hell, Yamato! If this is the reason, Christ...no wonder you fucked up!"

He runs his fingers through his hair, kneeling over the toilet bowl. His hands are about to go inside it, but I smack his arms away from the toilet. "I need them! Or else they'll eat me. These things, on my skin…"

"What things?" I whisper. My voice is stuck in my throat as I now see his arms in perfect lighting.

The bathroom is clinically lit up much more than upstairs in the rooftop bar. Then again, I hadn't been paying attention to Yamato once he had taken his jacket and lent it to me. There are scabs all over his arms. Some appear raw and fresh, other wounds look old. He's been scratching his arms out of habit, or has he been hallucinating? Does he really think something is eating him? God knows what other scratches and wounds are like on the rest of his chalky, white skin. From looking down at him from this angle, I can see how much weight he's lost.

He kneels onto the ground and starts sobbing. His body is quivering, back quaking as he begins to cry. I don't know what's gotten into him. I'm torn between pity, sadness and anger. Why did he do this to himself? How long has he been doing this? Why...why do this when he has so many people who cares about him? Just...why?

"Yamato," I whisper, collapsing down next to him.

"I-I'm sorry," He croaks out. I've never seen him this fragile before. It scares me. Everything is scaring me right now. He stutters, "It's my...my fault you left. My fault he's there."

"It's fine," I comfort him.

It's not. How can I be pissed off at him when he's so broken? So...my eyes are watering up again. I can't stand this. I hate seeing him in so much pain and I don't like that whatever I say or do might not make a difference in making him feel better.

He continues, "It's my fault she died."

I think I know who he is referring to, but right now is not the time to play a guessing game. Yamato's hurting, and the only thing I can do for him now is to look after him until the shaking subsides.

Yamato collapses into my arms when I press my body against his, enveloping him in an embrace. I had always dreamed or imagined of him being in my arm again, if we ever had reconciled. However, I never had pictured our reunion to be like this.

He weeps into my shoulder. I don't stop the tears from streaming down my eyes either as I continue to hold onto him, patting him on the back until the sobbing ceases.

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(a/n) & this was even more difficult to write. Sorry about the delay. I know this is a turning point (for the worst?) to this story, which was most likely why I delayed writing this because I knew it would get my mood down and because it is a touchy subject for me. If you had read the recent chp to Lifelines, you would have noted more hints about Kaori. It'll be explained soon, perhaps. Anyway, this probably wasn't the happy reunion you would have wanted for Sora x Yamato. There's still so much story to tell, I guess. To think that Bittersweet Catastrophe started on whim and was meant to be 'light-hearted'. My apologies -_-"

Anywho, hope you're all well and I hope you've all come to terms with the Tri ending :P (will edit this another time)

REVIEW REPLIES:

Guest: Perhaps I might not love this story as much as my readers do xD Maybe because I know there are many flaws, plot holes I want/need to fix. Maybe because sometimes it actually might hurt writing particular scenes. Maybe because I wish I had more time on my hands to actually write -_-" Haha. Thanks for reviewing! xox

Dikus: Yeah, I got what you meant! :) The OVA was pretty Sorato implied. It would have been nice if it wasn't 'implied' and just..er..done? :P Thanks for reading!

Ana Mara: Ah, the last OVA feels like ages ago...in coloration to the last time I updated this fanfic, I see. xD But yes, the last Sorato interaction in the last movie was cute. The lemon might take a while. They're both hurting quite a lot. Thank you for reading :)

(as per usual, will reply to the other reviews tomorrow or later on this week. thanks guys!)

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