A/N: (Dusts off the page) No, you are NOT seeing things, you are actually reading an update by yours truly, lol. About time right? I'm hoping all of you missed this story, I sure did! I am so sorry that it's been two months since the last update :( Fail, fail, I know, (sigh) But what matters is that there's one to read right? So, am I forgiven? I hope so. Especially because after a long wait, my gift to you lovely readers is a long chappie in our adored Edward's pov ;) Originally this chapter was over 19,000 words! Um, yeah, lol. So I decided to split it two. So without further ado, here is part two of Longing. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine but the awesome Stephenie Meyer's! Though in a few weeks I hope to own advance tickets for Breaking Dawn! Is it November yet? (sigh)
For Eternity is Rated M/NC-17 for sexual content and language
My beta is the truly fantastic and ever so patient, Rsher1111, who miraculously beta'd this long ass chappie in only a day or so. I love yah to pieces woman! Don't ever forget it!
***Quick recap: We left off with Edward being a very naughty vamp and watching Bella undress as she turned in for the night. He curses God in his mind, continues to yearn over the woman he loves and believes he will never have another chance with her. Now remember sweeties, this takes place about a few months before "E" makes an appearance in Bella's life.
Sidenote: Just a reminder that this chapter goes back in time by a few months. This is NOT the present.
Bonus Chapter: Longing pt.2
Epov
I was mesmerized.
I couldn't stop staring and admiring the angel that was undressing before my very eyes.
I was so aroused it started to feel quite painful.
This was torture at its finest.
I sighed and rolled my eyes over my inappropriate reaction. I was behaving like a 13 year old who was spying on the hot next door neighbor. But I couldn't help it, I was drunk with desire. I was under a trance as if Bella herself had put me under a spell.
I observed intently as she unbuttoned her blouse then slipped it off and tossed it on the bed.
Oh fuck. I swallowed a heavy coat of venom and groaned when my member twitched. It was getting harder by the second, all that from seeing her in only a blue lacy bra. Yes a bra that pushed up her breasts nicely and let's not forget the matching blue... she was wearing one of those panties, what were they called? Alice thinks about them often as she liked to wear them for Jasper. I shuddered over the repulsive memory and tried to clear my head. I refocused my attention back to Bella and my eyes immediately soaked in the lovely view before me. I watched as she turned and headed over by the closet with her clothes in hand.
God her... ass was peeking out underneath the lacy material and looked so perfect. I would love to squeeze her soft skin while I kiss her hard and deep. The bulge inside my pants stirred again and I could feel my lower region tense, the tell tale sign that a release was on its way. Dammit, maybe I should... take care of myself real quick. No, no, this was not why you came here tonight. You didn't come here to be a peeping tom and jerk off to the sight of her half naked body! A part of me found that idea appealing while the other thought it was sick. I mean, what the hell was wrong with me? I was becoming the true definition of a perverted stalker. If she knew, she would be livid and rightfully so.
I was invading her privacy and that was wrong, so wrong. Yet I couldn't look away. Yes, you can, look away! However that wasn't necessary because suddenly Bella was nowhere to found. I almost panicked but then calmed the moment I heard her bathroom sink running. She was brushing her teeth and preparing to turn in for the night. What time was it anyway? I had figured by now she would be in a deep slumber. Quickly I retrieved my cell from where it was located inside my pants pocket. I glanced down at the illuminated screen. Hmm it was past midnight. Strange she normally doesn't stay up so late on a week- oh that's right, it's Friday. That explained it.
A breeze passed by and gently touched the tree leaves along with everything else in its path. I stole a moment to inhale the clean air and attempted to focus on its scent instead of Bella's sweet aroma that remained inside my nostrils like a permanent fixture. Then I wrinkled my nose in irritation when detecting the familiar scents of precipitation. Great, rain was on the way. I wasn't careful and before I could stop myself, caught a whiff of Bella's intoxicating perfume. I recovered hurriedly and held my breath. There was no telling what I would do if I took another breath. I was still hard and very aroused over the divine view I saw only moments ago. I had to pull myself together! Thankfully Bella only took a few minutes and after she finished in the bathroom, returned back inside the room. Her hair was loose and free around her shoulders and hung freely down her back.
God, she was beautiful.
I watched curiously as she strolled over by her dresser then opened one of the drawers and pulled out what appeared to be a nightgown. Instantly I groaned as she unhooked her bra and revealed two glorious creamy white breasts. They were just begging to be fondled, at least that was what I wanted to do. Unfortunately her back was turned to me so I was unable to stare at the full view of them. But on the plus side I was able to admire that nice rear of hers. Again, what the hell is wrong with you? Get it together you perv! I sighed and started to feel ashamed so I closed my eyes briefly then tuned into the sounds and scents of the night. When I reopened my eyes she was dressed in a light purple satin nightgown that left nothing to the imagination.
Holy fuck she was going to kill me. The nightie was sleeveless, thin strapped with a v-neck that granted a perfect view of her cleavage. It was also form fitting so it hugged her body just right and the lower half stopped just above her upper thighs. Christ. I was instantly hard once more. God just when I managed to settle my massive erection, it had sprung back to life! Honestly it was becoming overwhelming to maintain some willpower. I wanted to open her window, climb right in and attack her mouth. Easy Masen! I exhaled heavily then focused my attention on what she doing.
Bella was sitting on her bed and appeared lost in her thoughts. Damn I wish I knew what she was thinking. It was beyond frustrating that I was unable to tap into her mind. I still had no clue as to why that was. But I gave it a try and tuned in to the best of my ability. Nothing. I groaned in frustration and ran a hand through my hair. All of a sudden a smile creased my lips when I saw Bella reach for a book that was laid on top of her nightstand. She held the book in her hands and her face expressed excitement as she turned to the page where she read last. Romeo and Juliet. One of my favorite stories and Bella's.
I remember when we had discussed Shakespeare one afternoon years ago when we had a study session over at my parent's home. My chest constricted over the mention of them, then reacted when my brain presented a flashback of Bella and I as we danced inside my room. Though many of my human memories were faint I recalled that one in almost exact detail. The way her body felt against mine. How warm her skin was, how she smelled so lovely and the softness of her lips when they kissed mine. God it was... an unexpected sound caught me off guard and put my thoughts to a halt. I listened carefully to what sounded like a song being played. A ring tone to be exact.
I looked on as Bella set the book down and reached over to grab her cell. She gazed down at the screen then smiled.
"Hey JB." she greeted in a quiet tone.
My eyes narrowed and anger started to stew rapidly within. I already didn't like the sound of this. Luckily I have the ability to hear the voice at the other end of the line, which was a male's.
"Hey beautiful, what are you up to? Hope you're thinking about me."
I rolled my eyes in disgust. I wondered how many other women he used that pathetic line on.
"Of course I was thinking about you." Bella replied.
The guilt ridden look on her face and her voice indicated that she was lying through her teeth. Then again I didn't need clues to draw that conclusion. I knew how much of a terrible liar she was. Apparently this moron didn't or he was just completely clueless.
"and nothing much, I was just reading before bed." Bella added and the guy hummed in answer.
"Reading... what?"
Bella grinned, her gorgeous face and eyes lit up as she responded, "Romeo and Juliet."
He responded with a fake yawn and I could feel my jaw flex with irritation. There was just something about this guy that irritated the hell out of me. Who was he anyway? I had only been watching Bella for a few weeks now and I didn't recall seeing a man stop by her place to visit. Nor had I seen her make a call to him. Then again I had only been visiting her in the middle of the night. So I hadn't seen what went on in her life during the daytime. The only reason I was aware about how her life was presently was because Alice divulged that information. However she didn't bother to mention that Bella may possibly have a boyfriend.
I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Alright to be honest I felt several things such as jealously, some anger but most of all disappointment. What I should have felt was happiness. If Bella had moved on and she was seeing that guy then, well, I should find comfort in it. But I didn't. His stupid fucking voice had pulled me back to the present and I held in the growl that nearly escaped my throat.
"Romeo and Juliet? Ugh! Boring Bells! It's Friday night. Come on, why don't you stop by? I have the place to myself and-"
"Jake," Bella tried to protest but he continued. "Let me take care of you Bell. I want to lick every inch of that beautiful body of yours, then make love to you all night."
He said this in what he probably thought was a seductive voice but to me it sounded offensive and disgusting. My chest tightened against the pressure was almost too much. Fury had taken over my entire body and mind. Before long, a sharp vicious growl released out of my chest. How dare he speak to her that way? Suggest that they have, have... I wanted to find this Jake and fucking rip his throat out. Another growl belted out of my throat and this time it was audible. I froze in place and right away I feared that Bella had heard the feral sound. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her wrinkle her forehead and bite her lower lip.
I knew that signature reaction anywhere. That was Bella's 'deep in thought' expression. She was actually considering that creepy assholes proposition. Don't do it Bella, better yet stop thinking about it! God I wanted to go inside and show myself to her. I wanted to touch her face, smooth her hair, kiss her lips and tell her that I love her. Then do it already, instead of constantly thinking about it! I wanted to, God I did but something was pulling me back from doing so. Suddenly I became distracted when I caught her nibbling on her bottom lip contemplatively. Jesus I loved it when she did that and I just wanted to suck on her tender skin.
"Jake," Bella began, breaking me out of the zoned out state I was under.
Her face displayed an annoyed expression as she appeared to be considering what she was about to say. So far, so good, maybe she was debating to turn down his invitation. I could only hope.
"Romeo and Juliet is not boring, it's a beautiful story about... never mind. Look, it's late JB and I'm tired so tonight isn't good."
Bella started to play with a strand of her hair and twirled it around her index finger. Then she changed position and lowered herself until she laid flat on her back. Once she looked comfortable she sighed and her gaze trained to the ceiling. I wondered what she was thinking about right now.
"Okay, then how about if I come by and tuck you in." he murmured into her ear.
Christ that bastard doesn't know how to accept a rejection, does he? My mouth curved up into a snarl and my hands balled into fists. Dammit I had to relax. For the life of me, besides the jealously factor, I couldn't understand why I felt such hatred towards this guy. Then the answer came as I drew an upsetting realization. Bella had called him Jake and also JB. JB... that's right! How could I have missed that, how could have I forgotten? Jacob. Jacob Black. All of a sudden several memories invaded my mind but one in particular struck a nerve.
Eric Yorkie's graduation party. That was going to be my chance to tell Bella how I felt and what I wanted regarding her and I. I had planned to lay my heart out and to hell with the consequences. But then he appeared out of nowhere, crashing the party and clung to Bella like glue all fucking evening. I had wondered what in the world was Jacob Black doing in Forks? At Eric Yorkie's party of all places, with his hands and lips all over Bella like she was his? Fucking bastard. I cringed over the unpleasant memory then the sound of Bella's laughter grabbed my attention.
"Jake please, I'm serious. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow?"
Was that a hopeful expression on her face? Did she actually want to see him? An imaginary knife plunged deep right into my cold, dead heart. I had no right to feel this way. It was selfish of me to, absolutely selfish. But it was impossible to fight it. She was mine. Mine.
"Maybe I'm not free tomorrow." he teased his tone light and amused.
Bella groaned soundly. "JB, don't play these games with me."
"I'm playing games?" he shot back and Bella instantly grew quiet.
"Listen Jake, I really do want to see you, but not tonight."
Jacob sighed. "Alright baby... so what are you wearing?"
Was this buffoon serious?
Bella's cheeks displayed her trademark blush. God her enticing scent was even more potent this very second. Dammit I had allowed myself to breathe again, not a wise thing to do on my part. I held my breath once more then paid attention to the conversation again.
"JB, don't, just..."
"Why? Because you like it?" he challenged then chuckled. "Because you want me?"
"Of course I do but..."
"I bet I could get you to moan right now."
Jesus, what a cocky asshole. It became more and more difficult to hold in all the pent up anger and jealously but I had to for her sake.
"No you can't." Bella countered in a confident tone of voice.
I smirked. That's it love, don't back down for that piece of...
"Mmm, Bells if I was there with you I would kiss your neck while rubbing your tit with my hand, then twirl and tug your nipple."
I wasn't sure how much longer I could stand listening to this. I wanted to vomit and I was incapable of doing so. Unfortunately his repulsive comment seemed to get a rise out of Bella, making her blush deeply.
"Jake, no fair! Come on."
He laughed knowingly. "I want you to touch your breast for me Bells, can you do that?"
"JB-"
"Please baby." his voice lowered and it actually sounded... seductive.
That fucker!
Bella was silent as she placed her cell over against her other ear. Then she exhaled and slowly guided her hand over to her right breast. God Bella don't do this. I wanted her to touch herself for me and only me.
"Is your hand on there?"
"Yes." Bella whispered.
"Mmm, good. Now imagine it's my hand rubbing on it nice and slow. Then I want you to pinch your nipple for me, gently." he ordered.
Automatically Bella followed his command and damn me for getting aroused over the sight.
"Pinch it harder and then... twist it." he commanded in a dark, lustful voice.
The rage that consumed my insides was about to erupt any moment now. Get a hold of yourself Masen!
"Jake-" Bella protested.
Jake whispered, "Bell, do it."
Bella complied, then she chewed on her lower lip hard and if I were to guess probably to keep herself from moaning.
"Are you doing it?"
Bella swallowed then cleared her throat. "Y, yes."
"Mmm, now I want you to take your panties off with your other hand." Jacob sounded like he was panting. I didn't want to know what he was doing on his end of the line.
I should just leave. The anger and jealously I was feeling was sky high at this rate but I couldn't bring myself to leave. Jesus, am I masochistic or what?
"JB I... don't.. I mean.." her voice was almost breathless and God the sounds made my dick throb.
Yet once again feelings of jealously invaded my chest and I wanted to punch something, anything. Especially that repulsive son of a bitch that was making my Bella so... aroused.
"Please Bells, please." he pleaded in a wounded sounding voice.
Christ, he makes me sick.
"Um... okay." Bella murmured, surrendering.
Her hand dipped inside her panties and I watched in anticipation as her fingers navigated further south. Meanwhile her other hand was kneading the nightgown that was covering her breast. Oh fuck, her nipples were hard as they poked right through the material and were just begging to be licked and sucked. I wanted to taste them desperately, I craved to devour her entire luscious body.
"Are you still with me?" he had asked, then without waiting he continued, "I want you to touch yourself. Rub your clit nice and slow."
No, no, Bella don't do what he says! For the love of God, why was I still watching this?
Bella hummed lustfully then did as instructed. I wasn't able to see much since her nightie partly covered her private area. Jesus Christ, I didn't think I could get any harder if it were possible. I felt even more uncomfortable than I did only a few minutes ago! Thankfully the lovely visual before my eyes was the perfect distraction, so I paid no mind to the slight pain my groin was under. God, the way her face looked during her moment of stimulation was simply breathtaking! Her lips were slightly parted, her brows were furrowed in concentration and her eyelids were heavily hooded. I wished so damn much that she was in that state because of me.
Not because of that worthless piece of excuse she called a... boyfriend. Dammit! I needed to get over her already. She's moved on and I should be happy for her. I am but... I think it's time for me to depart. I had been here much too long anyhow, rudely and inappropriately invading her privacy. I sighed woefully, already missing her even though I hadn't moved an inch. Just when I was ready to climb down the tree...
"Oh yessss!" Bella's guttural moans vibrated just perfectly inside my ears.
My dick twitched automatically in response and a desirous growl emitted out of my mouth. I glanced over at her window again then intently observed what unfolded. I just simply couldn't take my eyes off her. She was the vision of true perfection. Bella was moaning continuously and her back arched each time she rubbed herself. I wondered how wet she was, how warm her skin was and how it would feel as I pushed myself deep inside her. My erection jerked and God I was this close to unzipping my pants to relieve myself. That potential idea was squashed when his voice spoke.
"That's a girl Bells, rub it faster. Now picture me rubbing the tip of my cock on your clit as I tease you. Do you see that baby?"
I snorted through clenched teeth. Was he for real? She couldn't possibly buy into his cheesy phone sex operator act, could she? Unfortunately I found out the answer to my silent question as she whispered breathlessly,
"Yes I see it. God Jake, tease me, please."
"Oh yeah sexy, I'm teasing you some more. I'm only going to slide some of it in, ready?"
I wanted to dry heave, hell I may any moment. That fucking sick bastard was lucky he wasn't actually there because he wouldn't live to see another day. I would make sure he would never speak or touch Bella ever again! The daydreams my mind presented were very appealing and far, far too tempting. No, no! You are better than that Masen! The Cullens respect human life. Besides if Bella were to ever find out that I had harmed him she would hate me forever. Why on earth was I even thinking about this?
I exhaled sharply through gritted teeth and tried to ignore how hearing his grunts on the other end of the line was making my blood boil viciously. Oh Jesus was he… did I just hear him unzip his pants? My entire body tensed as my hands curled into tight fists. I was past the point of feeling angry and jealous, I was this close to erupting, to becoming the true monster that I was. The one I struggled to keep locked up on a daily basis.
My intense thoughts ceased when his voice breathed hard into her ear. "Bella, I can't tease you anymore baby. I need you, now."
Bella nodded and mmm'ed in reply then her eyes slipped closed. For a second I had a naive glimmer of hope that maybe just maybe she was imaging someone else doing those things to her. Someone like... me. Ridiculous Edward! She thinks you're dead. Why in God's name would she fantasize about a dead man sexually? I shook my head irritably in hopes that my annoying inner voice would shut it.
"Oh, oh yes, YES!" Bella screams snapped me back to the present.
I looked on as she slightly thrashed around each time her hand motioned wildly underneath her panties.
"Fuck yourself Bells and imagine it's me fucking that little pussy right." he grunted in a dark, lustful voice.
Bella moaned deeply and then she roughly yanked her panties off. Good God she was... Holy shit... just lovely and gorgeous. I wanted her, needed her so desperately it was aching in my chest, my lifeless heart and my entire being in pain. Her arousal's scent was just too much and it was pushing me to my limit. I was this close to jumping right inside her window and do things to her that would make her scream my name repeatedly. Her blood smells so damn incredible. Shit. I held my breath in determination. I refused to inhale her potent, delightful aroma another second longer.
If I wasn't careful then I was sure I would commit things I would surely regret.
No, no! I would never, ever inflict any pain on her. I would rather show her how much I still loved her. I would make love to her for hours on end and make her forget all about him. But that could never happen because even if I kissed her the wrong way it would most definitely harm her.
"Yes Bella. Shit you're so wet and tight! Ugh.. I'm going to cum, are you cumming for me baby?"
That despicable son of a bitch!
"Y- yes." she moaned quietly and my eyes suddenly widened.
She was lying! Bella didn't seem into it at all anymore. She was just laying there and lightly touching herself. Odd.I was unable to stop the smile that creased my mouth.
"Oh fuck Bells! I'm, I'm going to-"
That was it! Party's over! Before I had the chance to prevent it I growled thunderously aloud and the animal like noise echoed throughout the night air. Bella flinched in alarm then sat up and began to frantically search around her room. Shit! Perhaps I over did it with that. It wasn't my intention to scare her, just to merely alarm him so he would no longer continue his disgusting act.
"Bells? What the fuck was that?" The moron practically screamed against her ear.
Good, it seemed what I did worked after all! Yes great job, very mature Masen.
Bella shook her head in disbelief. "I, I'm not sure... what that was."
She was panting and attempting to catch her breath. "Maybe I should go look out the window."
Carefully she crawled out of bed with her cell remained pressed on her ear and strolled towards the window. Dammit! Would she be able to spot me? I doubted it but just in case I didn't want to take that chance. So I climbed my way higher then hid behind the tree leaves. Good thing I had chosen to wear dark colors this evening, it made me blend in perfectly. The panic wasn't necessary however because the instant Bella approached the window, he spoke and thankfully that distracted her.
"Don't worry about it babe, let's pick up where we left off, shall we?" his voice was still laced with want.
Bastard doesn't let up, does he?
Bella mock yawned and stretched out her arms in the air for full effect. Her eyes remained trained on the window but she didn't move any closer. Nor make an attempt to pull on the curtain. Honestly a part of me was greatly disappointed, I had wanted her to find me. What are you insane? She would have lost it thinking you were a intruder! Well, wasn't I?
"JB I'm sorry but I'm getting sleepy. Can we continue this tomorrow?" Her face displayed no remorse at all but instead she appeared indifferent.
He sighed sadly and I cringed when hearing the sound of a zipper being pulled up. "Yeah sure Bells. Maybe I'll make a trip over there tomorrow night. Take you out to dinner?"
Bella snorted as she turned around and headed over to the bathroom. I wasn't thrilled that I could no longer see her but at least I was able to hear her voice.
"Jake, you don't have to wine and dine me to get me to have sex with you." she chuckled dryly. "We have an agreement, remember?"
I frowned over her choice of words. Agreement? What was that about?
"Yeah Bells I know but I just wanted to-"
"Look I'm tired, I'm going to go."
I didn't miss the slight regret in her tone of voice. So she does care about him, I wasn't sure how I felt about that realization.
"I'll talk to you later, okay?"
Jake inhaled sharply. "Um, yeah sure Bella but-"
"Goodnight JB." Bella then hung up before the moron had a chance to say anything else.
It was silent for several moments after I heard her place her phone down on the counter. Then she began to... was she crying? Quiet sobs pounded against my eardrums and several emotions clenched my chest distressingly. Bella wasn't happy. Not with him, maybe not at all. She seemed... miserable. No, Bella couldn't be, right? I wanted more than anything for her to live a happy life. So why wasn't she happy? It was torturous to listen to her heartbreaking crying for a couple of minutes. After she finished I listened to her washing her hands then splashing her face with water. Moments later Bella was back in her bed and underneath the covers. She was laying on her side and facing in my direction.
Suddenly Bella reached over to her right and opened one of the night table drawers. I tried to make out what she was holding in her hands as I quickly and quietly climbed down the tree. Then perched back in the same spot where I was previously. I leaned forward and stared hard at what she was holding. It was a picture frame and Bella was lightly touching the person in the photo that was staring back at her.
"I miss you, really miss you." she was choked up again as she sniffed softly. "I'm trying my hardest to move on Eddie but it's so hard."
Bella then cried and her eyes never flickered away from the photo in front of her. Eddie? Oh... God, Bella I'm so sorry. She was miserable because of me. She couldn't move on because of me. But she had to. Bella deserved a beautiful life, a husband to adore and love, a stable and great career, a beautiful home and children, lots of them. As much as I longed to provide that for her so badly, I was unable to. All of a sudden buzzing in my front pocket startled me and I growled through gritted teeth knowing very well who the disturbance came from. Of course, another text from oh wise one herself.
Alice: Stop being emo! You can build a life with her! Quit being such a chicken shit and show yourself to her!
I decided to ignore her and refused to respond to her insulting words. Instead I concentrated on Bella, watching sadly as she placed the picture frame back inside the drawer. Then she switched off the bedside lamp and turned over to lay on her other side. I sighed woefully feeling disappointed when I was no longer granted access to stare at her beautiful face. Moments passed and then Bella fell asleep. She was breathing gently and appeared relaxed and peaceful. Guess this would be my cue to depart, though watching her sleep sounded like an appealing idea. However, mother nature had different plans for me.
Light sprinkles of rain showered on the top of my head then rolled down past my face. Immediately I wiped the drops out of my eyes and frowned in frustration. Perfect. At this point I had two options, allow myself to become drenched once again as I watch her. Or climb through her open window and be in the same room with her as I so desperately longed to be. I should just leave, this had bad idea written all over it. I rolled my eyes when vibrations against my palm grabbed my attention. My eyes lowered and stared at the lighted cell screen and then I read...
Alice: Stop being such a baby! Go inside. Go to her. You know you want to! It will be alright.
That's what you see in your crystal ball? I typed quickly while keeping my eyes trained on Bella.
Alice: Yes.
I rolled my eyes again, she was so full of herself!
Alice: Sure am and proud of it! Quit stalling and get your brooding ass inside!
I sighed agitatedly then responded, Yeah, yeah go gloat to somebody else. I'll talk to you later.
Alice: I mean it Bronze, don't you dare back out!
Bye Alice. I placed my cell back inside my pocket just before it would get completely drenched. Then I took a deep breath. I could do this. I had before. Bella wouldn't even know I was there. But do I trust myself around her for such an extended period of time? Would I be able to resist the great temptations I would for sure face? Goddammit Masen, stop over-thinking this shit! I released a deep exhale then swiftly and agilely leaped over to her window. My hands opened it in seconds flat and I jumped directly inside the room. Thankfully my feet landed gracefully and quietly and Bella was still in deep slumber. After I shut the window and pulled the curtain closed I tentatively walked towards her bed.
I ceased the moment I was so close by her side I could reach over and touch her. God I wanted to touch her. I wanted to feel her warm, creamy skin. I wanted to revel over how it would feel underneath my fingertips. I stole a few seconds to listen to her light, steady breathing but then made the mistake of inhaling her scent. Christ, I detected the faint traces of her arousal's scent mixed with the perfume she was wearing. Yet what mostly enticed me was her blood's aroma. God it smelled utterly divine. Venom filled the back of my mouth and I swallowed then winced as it burned my throat. I could do this. I had to control my thirst, my desires.
All of that was unimportant compared to being in the same room with her for the limited amount of time that I had. My eyes refused to divert away from her face as I gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed. Then I moved halfway to face her. She was so beautiful. More than all of the flowers ever created. My fingers were just literally itching to touch her porcelain face. Unfortunately I had to opt for watching her instead. However, Bella was clearly down for the count, so to speak. I noticed that there was a loose strand of hair hanging over her left eye. So I moved it very carefully and tenderly tucked it behind her ear.
Suddenly she stirred and I remained motionless, waiting until the coast was clear. Would it be so awful if she woke up and saw you? No, I mean... yes. So many different scenarios could play out if Bella would happen to wake up and discover me inside her room. How would she react after she believed all these years that I was dead? Would she even recognize me? And if so, what would she think of the brand new version of me? I didn't want to give those questions another thought, instead I opted to watch her sleep peacefully. After a few minutes passed curiosity grew and I slipped out of her bed then in seconds flat was standing right in front of her night table. I opened the drawer gingerly then pulled out the picture frame that Bella had held minutes prior.
I smiled wistfully and my chest tightened the moment my eyes trained on the photo. Surprisingly I remember when that picture was taken. The last night I saw Bella when I was human. As Eddie Masen. I felt a lump form in the back of my throat, the sign of tears that struggled to be released but never would. I studied the picture longingly then closed my eyes briefly and a flashback appeared. Though the images were slightly hazy, thankfully I could make out her beautiful, smiling face and the love in her chocolate eyes. Then the pink tint that colored her cheeks when I told her how beautiful she was and that I loved her with all my heart. I could hear her pretty laughter and my chuckles blending together perfectly.
I recalled when she begged me to allow her to take a picture of us. Soon after her soft lips caressed mine. I opened my eyes and they locked on the photograph that displayed our young, happy faces. Then I glanced over at Bella from behind my shoulder, she was aging each day and blossoming more as a woman. Where as I would forever be this way, frozen. Forever eighteen. I sighed then placed the picture frame back inside the drawer and closed it gently.
After observing her in her state of rest for a few more minutes, I decided to browse around the apartment. I really hadn't looked around here before so now seemed like a pretty good time to do so. A part of me felt like I was playing the role of a stalker, invading her privacy, I mean if she only knew. But in my defense, I was just merely curious. I wanted to find out more clues about her life and what had occurred during the time I wasn't around.
I was admiring her incredible collection of books when I heard deep groans and whimpers. Right away I was back inside her bedroom and what I discovered took me by complete surprise. I had figured she was having a nightmare as she frequently does. However judging from the way her hips bucked up and her hands were fondling her covered breasts, it was safe to assume she wasn't having a nightmare. I simply stood there at the doorway hypnotized by what my eyes were witnessing.
"Touch me, please, please Eddie... I need you."
What? My eyes almost popped out of their sockets as feelings of shock and lust invaded my insides. Me? She... Bella was having a... pleasurable dream about... me? You're seriously that surprised?
"Ohhh, ohhh.. right there. God... yes!" Bella moaned lustfully.
Just like previously she glided her hand south, leading directly to the one place that I so desperately wanted to see, touch, lick and kiss. Oh fuck! Yes beautiful touch yourself for me. Say my name again. Lust then overpowered the entire lower half of my body, especially one area in particular that was throbbing almost painfully. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I would lose control. I couldn't but damnit the scent of her desire and her blood wasn't helping any. All of a sudden blankets were thrown on the floor and now she was exposed.
God the way that sexy nightie clung to her body's curves made me even harder. She was flawless, simply a work of art. I continued to admire her and shamelessly watched as she played with herself. Just to view that up close, to be in the same room where she was... there were no words. Carefully I walked towards the bed then stopped just as I was about to climb in. Easy Masen!
I took a step back then held my breath, it was necessary because her aroma was just too overwhelming. This whole situation was far too testing, it was as if... of course he was! God lived to torture and test me ever since I became a monster. Why he did this to me I'll never figure out. Wait a second...Alice! I can't believe it took me this long to finally get it! The reason for her usual but still strange behavior earlier. The reason why she was encouraging me to sneak inside Bella's room. That know-it-all! I should... really thank her later.
"Eddie, don't stop, please. Take me, I'm yours, always yours. I love you." Bella whispered in the most sensual voice I ever heard.
My cold, dead heart would have hammered wildly if it was able to. Christ I loved her too, so damn much and I longed to show her, tell her. Then what the hell was I waiting for?
"Edward." she panted breathlessly.
Her fingers moved in a frantic circular motion and her hips bucked up as her arousal intensified. Christ, it smelled... lovely and my body was responding to it. I had to utilize immense willpower to stay where I was, because dammit, I wanted to feel her warm skin on my cold one desperately. I swallowed down a thick coat of venom that was trapped behind my teeth and nearly oozed out of my lips. Fuck, I had to get a hold of myself and fast! I thought I could handle this but it was becoming more and more difficult to restrain myself. As I debated whether to stay or leave, Bella's gentle voice second-guessed my decision.
"Eddie I need you... I miss you so much, please."
Christ, how could I deny her?
Instantly I was in her bed and knelt below her body, settling my face between her parted legs. Good God! Her scent, the heat that wavered off her skin was just... too much. Her pulse was throbbing and her heart was racing excessively. Dear God, what was I about to do? I stared at her for a few moments as she lazily rubbed the glistened skin and continued fondling her right breast. Her moans grew quieter and then her breathing and heartbeat calmed down dramatically. Perhaps her dream was coming to an end. I noticed her face still expressed her desires but there was also a trace of sadness. I had to make her happy, even if she believed that I was a dream.
I had to satisfy her, show her in this manner how deeply I loved her. No, this is insane Masen! What if she wakes up? What then? Really think this through before...I tried to not rip the panties off Bella as I slid it off her body. Then I placed it beside her and concentrated on holding my breath. But the damn beast within was a greedy bastard and wanted to inhale it. So I did and her divine scent consumed my nostrils then traveled over to my lungs. I held back a growl that almost escaped out of my throat. Jesus, she smelled incredible. I took a deep breath then gulped down more venom and inched my face closer to her tantalizing entrance.
I stole a few moments to admire the beauty before my eyes. I began by studying the curves of her creamy thighs then gave the remainder of her legs a once over. My eyes had a mind of their own, immediately zeroing in on the perfection that was between her thighs. It appeared smooth, soft and simply tantalizing. Without thinking I inhaled sharply then started my risky journey of exploring her. First I paid attention to her left thigh granted my tongue to taste it gingerly, then placed delicate kisses on every inch of her skin.
"Oh God, yes." Bella groaned deeply and arched her back.
I glanced up at her and thankfully her eyes were still tightly shut. She was still sleeping, still dreaming, or so she thought.
"More please, more, Edward."
God, when she begged like that I would do whatever she desired. But I had to be careful. I couldn't help but think again that doing this to her without her knowledge was wrong on so many levels. Yet I wasn't concerned enough to stop. The state of lust I was in had consumed my body and mind. Time had come to a stand-still, nothing else mattered but her. I needed her. Just as much as she needed me. I gulped down more venom that fought to escape past my parted lips, then I gave her right thigh my undivided attention using my lips and tongue. Bella shifted her body down and stilled when her entrance was pressed against my face.
Jesus! Her eagerness was not helping my plan of wanting to take my time with her. I moaned under my breath and placed another kiss on her soft skin. Then I slowly moved my head and centered it right at the peak of her nearly drenched center. God she was... so wet and hot, unbelievably hot.
"Eddie, please," Bella panted in a voice that was brimmed with desire.
I didn't want to waste another second.
I wanted to do this for her because she needed and desired me. I can't deny that I needed this as well and that I want her with every fiber of my being. I was an extremely selfish and horny bastard. I had longed for this moment for many years. Now that it was finally here, a part of me felt guilty. Bella was dreaming and believed that I was a figment of her imagination. So wasn't I taking advantage of that fact? Perhaps I was also doing this because another chance like this, was slim.
I sighed quietly and closed my eyes, then swallowed some venom that was so close to releasing. Get a damn grip Edward! Maybe I wasn't ready for this. Maybe I wasn't strong enough. Would I be able to do this and only this? I'd be lying if I said that it wouldn't be near impossible to restrain myself from giving her more. Christ, I wanted her body and to make tender love to her. Tender? That wasn't possible! I was inhumanly strong and could end her life accidentally. I would never be capable of making gentle love to her. At least that was what I believed. Alice, however, insisted that it was very possible.
Great, thinking of her slightly dampened my lustful mood. Then quit analyzing every damn thing and focus on Bella! Bella, who smelled so Goddamn delightful and was unbelievably gorgeous in her aroused state.
"Edward, I need you. Let me feel you." her voice murmured that was dripped with lust.
Fuck. Me.
My member twitched in response and was now on high alert. I opened my eyes and immediately they trained on her entrance that was pink and shined from her wetness. So fucking beautiful. I groaned and allowed myself to a deep inhale of her lovely aroma. That was all it took and I finally granted her request. Gradually, I slipped my tongue out of my mouth and lightly tasted her soft folds. Fuck, she tasted better than I ever imagined, sweet and succulent. My head spun from the flavor her satin skin provided, and then my eyes rolled to the back of my head when she moaned breathlessly.
I averted my gaze right over to her beautiful face, which looked spectacular during her moment of ecstasy. Her reddish brown locks framed her face, her cheeks were flushed, and her full lips were slightly parted. As my tongue motioned slowly up and down her clit, Bella whimpered and arched her back. God, her skin was beyond delicious, tender, and oh so warm. I couldn't get enough and I never wanted to stop. I wanted to take my time with her and savor each second. But at this rate that was impossible.
I started lapping her like I was dying from thirst and moaned, groaned then growled after each mouthful. She was simply divine. Her passionate sounding moans and cries drove me to give her more pleasure. I wanted her release to fill my mouth, to tickle my tongue and slide down my burning throat. However, the beast was an issue. He was a greedy, dangerous bastard that only cared for his own needs. He whispered in the back of my mind ordering me to climb above her and fuck her senseless. Then he suggested that I help myself to a sample of her decadent blood which was boiling rapidly under her thin, creamy skin.
Christ, the way her pulse throbbed and how her heartbeat accelerated each time I licked faster, was extremely arousing.
"So cold, you're... tongue is... so cold Eddie." she whispered.
I almost panicked, she was asleep and dreaming right? So how would she know what my tongue would feel like? Her eyes were still shut and she appeared to be immersed in her slumber. I didn't think anymore of it and continued to whirl, curl and flick my tongue back and forth. Her reactions were so damn sexy I didn't think my dick could get any harder. Fuck, I wanted to jerk off and have a powerful release as I bring her to hers. But this wasn't about me. This was about her, only her and I'd give Bella whatever she desired for as long as possible.
"Oh God, yes, yes! Ohhh!" Bella cried out passionately.
Her curvy body thrashed around as she curled her hands then clutched onto the bed sheets for dear life. I suspected she was close to having an orgasm and I knew just what to do to speed things along. Truthfully, I didn't want her to just yet but I worried that if she didn't release soon, then the beast may come out to play. And for Bella that would be a dangerous thing to happen. No, I wouldn't allow that to happen! I must control myself, I had to. I wouldn't harm her, ever. I shook my head to clear my inner ramblings then concentrated on Bella. I motioned my tongue from side to side and then up and down at a rapid speed.
I moved faster than a human man ever could, and that was driving Bella wild. Her back arched continuously and frantically as loud, breathless noises escaped out of her mouth. I needed more, had to feel more and I was sure she wanted the same. Keeping my eyes trained on her, I gingerly inched two fingers inside her. God, she was hot and wet, completely dripping to be exact. I groaned lustfully while slowly gliding my fingers in and out of her entrance. She felt astounding and I longed to be deep inside her. I wanted to rock her body slow and gentle, then fast and hard. I wanted to see the look of pleasure on her face each time my member slid in and out.
But this would have to be enough and it was, it was perfect. Bella was perfect.
"Oh Eddie, yes! Fuck, OH GOD!" she screamed as my fingers pumped faster.
I tried to control the volume of my growls and groans each time my fingers made contact with her soaked, hot skin but it wasn't easy.
Faster, deeper and then taste her.
I was an animal, lost in my arousal and desire to provide her a mind blowing release. However, I couldn't forget to exercise caution because I didn't want to hurt her in any way. The last thing she needed was to feel sore in the morning and wonder why. She could never know that I was here and what happened right in this room, was real. I cleared my thoughts again, then sucked on her entrances lips while thrusting my fingers back and forth. I remained on licking her clit and moved my tongue wildly. God, I could never have enough of her taste. I grunted loudly and the hard-on underneath my jeans was beyond painful.
I must take care of it as soon as I arrived back home.
You could take care of that problem right now. Fuck her! The beast roared in my mind.
No, no! I gulped down another thick coat of venom and then savored the sweetness that my tongue sampled. I glanced up and watched Bella's facial expressions. Though she still appeared stimulated, her lips curled into a pout like something bothered her. What was wrong? Was I hurting her? Panic gripped my chest, then the feelings slightly diminished when Bella murmured,
"Eddie please, say something. I need to hear your voice."
What... she wanted me to talk to her? Should I? Dammit, what do I do?
She then panted heavily and her hips lifted as my fingers thrust inside her deeply.
"Edward, talk to me, please." she begged in such a soft, out of breath voice, my groin stirred in response.
I swear what this woman does to me. She was dangerous, always had been. But, would it be so awful if I honored her request?
"Bella," I whispered, my voice velvety and deep, then the Italian just slipped out of my lips.
"Mi tesoro, il mio amore, sei cosi bella."
Immediately Bella moaned, reacting to my voice and then smiled. "Eddie, I love you."
She never looked more beautiful, she was simply glowing.
"I love you." I murmured tenderly and then removed my mouth off her center.
I took a deep breath and slowly removed my fingers out of her. I groaned as my eyes appraised her wetness on my marble skin. Then I gazed at her glistened entrance and pressed her clit with my thumb. First, I rubbed her silky skin in slow circles then picked up the speed and before long, her clit throbbed. I continued rubbing her satin skin, then Bella screamed profanities and raised her hips. She was climaxing and it was a powerful one. I, not that vile piece of garbage Jacob, was the one giving her heart-stopping pleasure. Me.
She was mine. At least, right now she was and in her dream I was hers.
"Oh Eddie!" she moaned as her body remained shaking uncontrollably.
"That's it love, let it all out. You're so beautiful Bella, I love you so much." I whispered affectionately.
Then I leaned forward and released my tongue to greedily lick her wetness. My God, so decadent.
"Eddie," Bella's hands clutched the bedsheets tighter as my tongue swept repeatedly over her skin.
Her heart then calmed as her high settled down and I tasted the rest of her climax. I wish this wasn't the end, but sadly it was. Bella's quiet, steady breathing proved just that. I kissed her lightly wet skin then placed a gentle kiss on her left inner thigh. I still wanted more, she felt and tasted so heavenly, it was addicting. I sighed then backed away and carefully climbed out of her bed. I looked over at Bella and observed as she turned to her right side then sighed contentedly. Her breathing was light, her heartbeat and pulse back to normal as she appeared to be back in a dreamless sleep.
Alright, the coast was clear. She didn't even wake up once and it would go unnoticed that I was here. I wondered though if Bella would even remember the dream in the morning. I watched her longingly for another minute, then headed over to her bathroom to wash up. Afterward, I walked back inside the room and retrieved Bella's panties then gingerly slipped them back on her. I also grabbed the comforter which was on the floor and placed it gently over her. I smiled as her soft snores filled the room and she embraced one of the pillows tightly. I wish I could stay, lay beside her and hold her in my arms while she slept.
Just to be on the safe side it would probably be best if I leave. It also didn't help that I was still aroused, still longed for her body and her blood, which smelled lovely. It was tempting, much too tempting. I exhaled sharply then ran a hand through my hair in frustration. What did I just do? I mean, providing Bella satisfaction was incredible and would be unforgettable. Nevertheless, it was slightly foolish and risky. Who knows what would have occurred if I allowed the beast to take over. But you didn't and she's fine, more than fine. Look at her.
Granted I did give her comfort and pleasure but that wasn't enough. It would never be enough because she believes I am dead. Tomorrow she would wake up and still mourn over me. I was horrible, how could I do that to her? She should know that I still very much exist. No, this was best. What kind of life would she have with me, a monster? It was best for her that she didn't know I existed, wasn't it? I frowned and shook my head. I can't keep pondering about this, not here. Besides just moments ago I was basking in the glory over the passion I shared with Bella. I wasn't going to let my negative thoughts ruin the contentment I harbored.
I really don't want to leave her and it would be beyond painful to. Suddenly I stood next to where Bella laid and studied her for several minutes. My eyes soaked in every single inch of her face, starting from her forehead, to her closed eyes, her nose, her cheeks and lips. I had to touch her, just one more time. Carefully I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and thankfully, she didn't stir.
Just as I leaned over to place a kiss on her forehead, she mumbled under her breath, "Eddie, I miss you."
I swallowed hard and my chest constricted as wetness trapped inside my eyes.
"I miss you too, love." I replied in a whisper then kissed her forehead softly. "I'll always love you, my Bella."
I was tempted to kiss her lips and almost decided against it, then just went for it. She was in a deep sleep after all. Gingerly I kissed her silky, warm mouth briefly, then pulled away quickly. Her mouth twitched and her brows furrowed, then she turned over to her other side. Good thing she was a heavy sleeper. I gave her one last parting look and then sprinted over by her window.
"Goodbye Bella, I'm so sorry." I murmured in a shaky voice after opening it and climbed on top of the sill.
I couldn't resist and glanced over my shoulder to gaze at her wistfully. Then I jumped and landed smoothly on the ground and sprinted straight towards the woods.
I thought about her non-stop throughout the journey back home with a smile on my face and a painful weight in my heart.
I missed her already.
~~~~FE~~~~
Translation: Mi tesoro, il mio amore, sei cosi bella (My treasure, my love, you are so beautiful)
A/N: This will be short and sweet because I'll be posting the final part of Longing shortly. There will be a longer authors note at the end of that chapter. But I do want to say many, many thanks again to my wonderful beta and also to my husband, who beta'd a small portion of the chapter. He is also the first one to ever read FE and a big fan. Thank you hunny, I love you. And of course a BILLION thanks to each and every one of you for reading, reviewing, for adding this story on alerts and to your favorites! It truly makes me so happy. Please dont be shy and say hello :) See you very soon at Longing pt. 3! xoxo