Hailey bugged her for details on her conversation with Lt Elliot, but Nes stayed vague.
"It doesn't matter what he said, Hails. He'll never say any of those things again."
"He's a good guy, Nes."
"And that's exactly why he'll never want anything to do with someone like me."
Nes threw herself back into her classes and projects, trying to keep her mind on finals and not on her return to the SGC. Not only would she have to see the change in Elliot's opinion of her, but General Hammond would let her know if the powers that be would grant clearance to her brother.
After a few weeks back, she looked at the calendar to realize that she was due to disappear that weekend, but surprisingly, she didn't feel the need. What she did feel was the residual ache in her bones and muscles from her own experience being tortured. It made her feel weak and listless and she simply didn't have a desire to inflict pain on anyone.
Was that what had been needed? Her last experiences with torture had lengthened the in-between time by small amounts, but she attributed that to her recovery time. This most recent time had been much worse, though, and the recovery much longer.
Once her body was back to normal, she'd have to see if the cravings returned. It may come down to deciding between feeling physically healthy - or mentally healthy. She'd hold out hope that she was maybe just past it, though. Maybe her days of needing screams and pain and death were finally behind her, but if not, she could perhaps convince someone to use the goa'uld pain stick on her periodically. The thought intensified the still present pain, but she tightened her jaw.
She didn't want to be controlled by Sekhmet anymore.
Reading Period again came, followed by final exams and soon, Nes and Hailey were packing up their small house to return to Colorado and the SGC.
Nes' body was beginning to strengthen, but so far, she'd been able to stay focused on her daily tasks, only occasionally thinking of her prior addictions. Their journey back to Cheyenne Mountain seemed far too short for someone who wished to delay it as long as possible, but she soon found herself back under the mountain, organizing the various suitcases and boxes into her small room, wishing she could share with the general about her rather large house here in town. As tiny as their house had been in Princeton, this room was much worse.
General Hammond requested her in his office shortly after she arrived and her nerves resurfaced in full force again.
"Nesert, how'd the rest of your semester go?" She hated the initial chitchat that preceded big news, both good and bad.
"Very well, sir."
"And how are you feeling physically? Fully healed?"
"Yes, sir. I've felt back to my normal self the last few weeks." Normal may not be the right word, but it'd have to do.
"I suppose you're wondering what was decided on your brother." She nodded, but kept silent, scared she'd jinx it somehow. "Cadet James is already on the surface filling out paperwork. He should be heading down in an hour or so."
"I'm sorry? Today? Now?"
"Yes. We already made him stay on an extra week waiting for your arrival. He'll be here through the weekend."
Her voice took on a slight panic. "And what do I say? Just tell him everything? What's he allowed to know? And not know?" Her breathing quickened and she began to dip into Sekhmet's calm.
"Major Carter has volunteered to give him the basics regarding the Stargate program, but you'll be allowed to give him more details about your life specifically."
"Thank you, General," she said with complete sincerity.
"Of course."
Nes left and ran back to her room to grab a shower and change. She'd stopped dyeing her hair and the reddish tint was fading finally, but the curls were still intact. Her hair had taken to them rather well and she hadn't minded the change, but she wanted to look as much like Tessa as she could for Nathan so she pulled it up into a ponytail. Maybe it would make it a little easier with all he was about to find out.
She left her room and thought she might go wait on Level 11 where the two elevator systems intersected, but at the end of the corridor she recognized Lt Elliot and didn't really want to see him quite yet with all of her focus on her brother. She started to duck down an adjoining hall when his friend gave him a nudge and he turned to see her. She should have smiled, but she wanted to see how his face reacted to her presence first.
"Tess!" She turned to look down the connecting corridor to see Nathan quickening his speed as he approached. He looked even older and taller. Nes was surprised by the hug he pulled her into, but quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and felt him kiss the top of her head.
She pulled back and looked up at him with a smile. "Look at you, Mr. Muscles." She poked his chest and squeezed a bicep. "Do you just lift weights all day? Don't they teach you anything at that school?"
"Shut up."
She reached up to pat his cheek as it tinged pink. "What happened to my kid brother?"
His face grew dark and she knew she'd touched a nerve referencing their separation. Major Carter stepped forward then.
"I thought we'd go to one of the more private conference rooms to talk. They should be empty for the next few hours."
Nes remembered Elliot and turned to look for him, but the corridor was empty. She felt both relief and regret. Mostly regret.
They sat down at a table, side by side, as Major Carter explained that the world Nathan had known was so very different than reality. Nes patted his hand or rubbed his back as he sat shell shocked, taking in the existence of aliens and wormholes and spaceships. She'd had Sekhmet to guide her through that information and regulate her emotional response. She wasn't sure how she would have handled it on her own.
Sam finally finished with the basics and asked Nathan if he had any questions.
"So how does this relate to Tessa being The Butcher?"
Sam extended a hand to Nes. "You wanna take the rest of this, Nes?" She waited for a nod. "I'll leave you to it then."
"Thanks, Sam."
The major smiled sympathetically as she left the room.
"So…"
"That was a lot."
Nes laughed. "Yeah. Just a bit. How you holding up?"
"Just trying to wrap my head around it. So how did you get involved in this?"
"Well, you remember the part about the aliens, the Goa'uld? The snake like creatures that take a human host?" She waited for a nod and then realization.
"You were one of them?"
"I was taken as a host by a goa'uld named Sekhmet."
"She took over your body?"
"Yeah." She shifted her body to face him more squarely and put her hands on his. "That's what I meant when I said I didn't have a choice. I didn't, Nathan. I got shoved to the back of my own head and just had to watch."
"So the alien killed those people. She was The Butcher."
"Yes." She'd keep it simple for now. Hopefully forever.
Nathan leaned forward and put his forehead on her shoulder and she could hear him choking on sobs of relief. They sat for a long time like that before he finally sat up and rubbed his eyes and face with his hands. She knew she should ask about their family, but she couldn't bring herself to sit through hearing how much she had hurt them yet. Instead Nes suggested they go grab dinner in the mess hall which relieved some of the tension.
"Major Carter called you 'Nes.' I suppose you can't go by Tessa anymore, can you?"
"No, definitely not. It's Nesert Saeda now." She saw his eyebrows go up. "A bit foreign, I know. Nesert was one of Sekhmet's old names."
They got to the mess hall and Nathan wanted to splash his face off in the bathrooms, so Nes went to get a table inside, though she needn't have bothered with the room being mostly empty. She saw Lt Elliot right away and he saw her, but both just stared. She finally took a deep breath and walked up to his table.
"Hi." That seemed a good place to start.
His jaw was stiff as he looked up at her. "Hey."
So that was that. She had predicted this, had known it would happen, but at that moment, she realized she had let her hopes get up higher than she'd realized. She slowly nodded her head and bit her lip. "Okay then. I told you."
She started to turn away, but Elliot's voice stopped her.
"Well, it looks like I'm not the only one asking anymore, so it doesn't really matter anyway."
Nes slowly turned back to face him, trying to sort out his words. "What?" He must have heard about what had happened with Ronnie. "Are you talking about Airman Harris?"
"The guy from Alpha Site? No. What? Are you seeing him, too?"
"No. Wait...what are you talking about?"
He stood up in frustration. "I'm talking about that guy you were just hugging in the hall."
The pieces all clicked into place and Nes took a breath and stepped backwards. "Would you wait right here?"
She ran out to find Nathan and grabbed his hand to pull him into the room.
Elliot's face grew hard. "So you're going to introduce us," he said just loud enough for Nes to hear. "I already feel stupid enough."
"You're about to feel even more stupid. Just hang in there. Nathan, this is Lt Kevin Elliot. Lieutenant, this is Cadet Nathan James-"
"Cadet?" That struck his pride.
"-my brother." Nes watched as Elliot's ears turned red and he coughed uncomfortably.
"Brother?"
"Mmhmm."
"You were right. I feel significantly more stupid now."
"Told ya." She gave him a small smirk. "General Hammond got special clearance for Nathan since he's at the academy."
"You haven't seen each other in all this time?"
Nathan cleared his throat suspiciously. Always was a bad liar. "It's been nice to find out my sister isn't a serial killer. Or dead."
Elliot raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, I bet. A lot to take in, though."
Her brother laughed. "A bit." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "But worth it."
"Ugh, stop it. I didn't do the mushy stuff even back when I was Tessa." She tried to shove his arm off, but didn't want to use her full strength.
"You still seem like Tessa," Nathan said quietly.
She tilted her head up to see the sadness in his face. "Only around you, I think." She looked back at Lt Elliot's sympathetic face and needed to leave. "Come on. I promised to show you the Stargate."
She turned and walked out of the room, unable to deal with the reminders that she wasn't really Tessa anymore. It was a show for Nathan and that was it. She felt a hand on her arm and turned to find Elliot instead of Nathan.
"I'm really sorry, Nes, for being a jerk."
Nes gave him a small smile. "Hard for me to be upset that you were jealous."
His ears turned a bit pink again. "Your brother here just today?"
"Through the weekend."
"Glad you'll have some time with him. I'll catch up with you sometime next week then?"
"Sounds good." And with that, he walked back to the mess hall and Nes caught Nathan's teasing grin as he approached.
"He seems like a good guy."
She sighed. "That's the problem."
"How is that a problem?"
"Just is." She couldn't bring herself to crush his relief that his sister wasn't a murderer. She might have to someday, but she wouldn't spoil the weekend. He had enough to deal with already.