Growing Pains

Chapter 26

With the truck well out of sight, Raphael became acutely aware that he was very much on his own now: no April, just him and his brothers. Well and Master Splinter was there too, but his rat sensei was the only one currently not attempting to unobtrusively stare at him, so he didn't count, at least in the same sense. However, when his sensei spoke, the giant turtle surmised that Master Splinter was perhaps not the best of allies after all, "My sons, I believe the rest of this afternoon would be more beneficial to you if we did not continue with your traditional training. Consequently, you are free to do as you please on the condition that the four of you remain together for the duration of the day."

The massive turtle gave Splinter a pointed look, to which the rat seemed purposefully oblivious to as he stepped off the porch heading in the direction of where Raphael had found him meditating earlier that morning. His sensei knew how much Raphael simply wanted nothing but solitude and yet he had seamlessly cut off all possibility of that. Of course, the second eldest could easily disobey Splinter's orders, but somehow, he knew that would be a giant fuck up. So, in resignation, he slowly turned to acknowledge his three gawking siblings, "If you guys want to stare so much, why don't you just take a damn picture already?" The trio simultaneously blushed as they looked anywhere but at Raphael in shame. Feeling his temper souring, the behemoth snapped, "And quit looking like kicked puppies every time I call you out on it!" Pulling himself up, he huffed, "I swear Casey has more tact than you guys do."

Not waiting for a response, Raphael directed himself towards the lake, assuming his brothers would catch up. Sure enough they jogged to keep up with his massive stride. Once in pace with the larger, Leonardo questioned, "Where are you going?"

"Lake." Raphael clipped out, "I'm gonna swim and then find a nice hot spot to bask in. You got a problem with that?"

Following a subtle rap on his shell, Raphael heard Michelangelo shout in delight, "Oh! I could use a swim!" Suddenly, the larger became acutely aware said brother's voice was no longer coming from the ground. "Great idea Raph!"

Abruptly halting, Raphael turned to see Michelangelo gleefully perched on his shoulder reeling in his grappling hook, "What the hell are you doing Mikey?"

"Come on bro," Michelangelo cheekily batted his baby blues at his big brother, "You carry April all the time. It's only fair."

"She's my girlfriend you twerp!" Raphael went to whack the tiny turtle off, but missed when the youngest agilely sprang to the opposite shoulder, "You're just a hitchhiker."

"You know," Donatello's voice came from the shoulder Michelangelo had recently vacated, "By definition a hitchhiker has to ask for a ride. Mikey didn't ask. Therefore he's more of a freeloader than a hitchhiker."

"Does it matter?!" The colossal turtle snapped, "I'm not your personal chauffer. Now get off!"

"Well," Green eyes narrowed as Leonardo's weight joined Donatello's, "Sensei did tell us to stay together."

Realizing where this was going, Raphael sighed. He knew unless he withdrew into his shell again he wouldn't get them off. Besides, knowing them, they would just pester him whether he was inside his shell or not. "I don't think this is what he meant."

"So his directions are open to interpretation." Leonardo shrugged, "I figured of any of us you would be most on board for that."

Shaking his head, Raphael decided it wasn't worth the fight and resumed his course towards the lake, "You guys are a real pain in the shell."

"Awe admit it bro," Michelangelo latched onto Raphael's neck as he hugged him, "You missed us!"

Opting to ignore that particularly loaded question, said addressed turtle paused again, "Fine, you can ride, but if you keep hugging me like that you can walk." When Michelangelo released him he glared sharply at the others, "And that goes for you two bozos as well."

Donatello laughed at Leonardo, "You were right. He really is still the same old Raph."

Frowning, unimpressed, Raphael crossed the threshold into the woods, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Quit being so sensitive, Raph." Leonardo teased, "We're just joshing you."

"Hmph." Green eyes continued to stare resolutely ahead. He didn't want to acknowledge any of the emotions he was feeling. They all were still too hot and fresh. Raphael had no idea how his brothers managed to act so casual – as though riding on their giant sibling's shoulder was a perfectly mundane and routine activity.

As they continued down the path, Raphael refrained from rejoining the conversation – which was more than a little odd since his head was literally in the middle of it; instead, he idly listened to his brothers' chatter without really absorbing any of it. Finally, when they reached the shore of the wide open expanse of clear water, he knelt down, "Alright, ride's over. Get off."

Leonardo and Donatello surprisingly obeyed without further comment, but Michelangelo stubbornly stayed put, "No way dude."

"Mikey…" Raphael pinched the scales between his eyes, "Why the hell not?"

"Seriously?" The youngest eagerly pointed to center of the lake, "If I jump off of you out there I bet I could get the most epic of turtle dives!"

"Mikey, I gave you a ride." Pulling his hand away, the older turtle hissed, "But there is no way in hell you are making me your diving board!"

Then, the next thing he knew, Michelangelo had jumped onto his palm, went on his knees, and clasped his hands together before giving Raphael his best Bambi eyes, "Pleaaaaaase Raph? Pretty please with a cherry on top? I'll give you my Noxious Avenger comic issue number twenty-six!"

"I don't want your stupid comics Mikey!" Raphael retorted, "In case you hadn't noticed, I have outgrown most books, literally!"

"Oh…" For a beat the youngest lost his demeanor before regaining his swagger, "Well I could read 'em to you!"

Quickly losing his patience, the giant turtle rolled his eyes, "I don't need you reading me bedtime stories, doofus."

"Come on Raph," Blue eyes continued to widen pitifully, "There must be something you want!"

"There is." The elder returned flatly, "For you to get off!"

"Why don't you just chuck him in the lake Raph?" Leonardo offered, "You had no problems doing that to me last night."

"You know Leo," Raphael gave an evil smirk, "That's not a bad idea."

"Whoa wait–" But before Michelangelo could say anything else, his brother wrapped his fingers around him before whipping his arm out, sending the youngest flying.

After a moment, the turtle crashed into the center of the lake and as he surfaced, he was met by his three siblings' laughter. With that out of the way, Raphael lowered himself into the shallows where Leonardo and Donatello were already paddling. Plastron-side down, enjoying the feel of the water and the sunlight on his scales, green eyes closed in blissful preparation to nap while basking. However, his eyes were closed only a minute before an all-too-familiar enthusiastic voice was in his face, "That was awesome! Do it again!"

Raphael opened one eyelid to see Michelangelo with orange mask dripping, beaming at him. Groaning he opened both eyes, "Go away Mikey."

"Pleaaaaaase Raph!"

Now the youngest had his hands on his big brother's cheekbones, leaving Raphael slightly cross-eyed and more annoyed than ever. Shooting a brief glare at Leonardo for his stupid suggestion, the larger returned his gaze to his current pest, "What part of "no" don't you understand, shell head?"

"I have selective hearing." Michelangelo replied simply.

"Of course you do." Emerald eyes rolled. At his remaining two siblings' snickering he snapped, "You two could help me out here you know."

"Naw." Donatello smirked, "It's much more fun over here in the peanut gallery."

"Besides," Leonardo continued, "Think of it as revenge for us being stuck with him for the last eight years. You owe us some time off bro."

At his elder brothers' words, Michelangelo frowned slightly, "I'm right here you guys…"

Feeling an old forgotten ache deep inside, Raphael found himself winking at his baby brother. Smoothly, he sat up, dripping water down onto the younger, before pouncing on Leonardo and Donatello. With each in one hand, he simultaneously chucked them up into the air and into a particularly muddy and duck-weed filled patch of water. When the two surfaced, sputtering debris out of their mouths, Michelangelo was back on Raphael's palm laughing right along with the massive turtle.

"Very funny guys." Leonardo shook his arms in an attempt to loosen the sludgy water.

Donatello spat his tongue out, "I think I swallowed some!"

Grinning mischievously at his charge once more, Raphael sank back into the water while simultaneously placing the small turtle on the edge of his carapace, which was usually reserved for April, "Come on little brother. Let's leave this two knobs to clean up their act."

"Yeah!" The absolute joy in Michelangelo's voice was sincere, "Who needs those two stiffs anyway?"

"Not us." Raphael chuckled as he steadily swam into deeper water.

Once they reached essentially the deepest part of the lake, which was quite far from shore, Raphael flipped onto his shell and acted as a floating dock for his baby brother. Most of the time, Michelangelo dove off of various body parts, but every so often, Raphael would gift his brother with a throw so that the younger could really get some air. A few times, the borderline leviathan of a turtle would have Michelangelo grasp hold of his carapace while he swam as fast as he could below the surface. Raphael would dart here and there, giving the younger the best ride he could before rocketing up to breach the surface. If he did it just right, Raphael could get enough air himself to jump out of the water like a fish before careening back into the lake.

Meanwhile, it seemed as though Donatello and Leonardo were content to rest in the shallows and bask while they watched their two playful brothers reconnect. They wanted to spend time with Raphael as well, but it became quickly apparent, once the remaining goo was shed from their scales, that something special was blossoming between the two siblings. Neither turtle wanted to interrupt it.

So instead, they took joy in seeing their brothers unwind. Something both were all too aware Michelangelo hadn't truly done in ages. He put on a brave face, but Leonardo and Donatello knew Raphael's absence had still left a profound mark on the family's baby. It was no secret to any of them that over the last few years Michelangelo had become a chronic insomniac, sometimes going days at a time with only a handful of hours of sleep. Seeing him so carefree, moved both siblings in a way they could never hope to explain; it simply made them happy. Finally their family was starting to heal.

After a series of pretty impressive jumps, Raphael was panting. Plucking Michelangelo off his carapace, the larger rolled back onto his shell before placing him gently on his plastron, "Sorry bro, I gotta take a break."

The last time Raphael took a break like this, Michelangelo, the ever-energetic, simply entertained himself by going back to his diving routine. However, instead this time the freckled turtle planted himself cross-legged onto his brother's chest plates. Folding his arms behind his head to try and get a better angle to observe his sibling, Raphael quirked an eye ridge, "What? Don't tell me you're running out of steam Mikey."

"Of course not!" Michelangelo grinned, "I just need a break too."

Raphael did not miss the subtle change in his brother's demeanor. He may have been gone a long time, but he knew when Michelangelo's smiles did not reach his eyes, "What's wrong?" Michelangelo pulled his drenched mask from his eyes, letting it fall loosely around his neck. Despite rubbing at them, his green hands could not disguise the dark circles that marred his once-bright eyes. Startled, Raphael tensed, "Geezus Mikey! When was the last time you slept?"

Suddenly aware that Raphael likely didn't know much about his many sleepless nights, Michelangelo quickly pulled his mask back on. He knew April likely had to have mentioned it, but even she did not know how bad the insomnia had gotten. Not wanting to draw attention to it, the youngest waved nonchalantly, "Thursday. With all the chaos of the last few days it was hard to get in any shut eye."

Raphael didn't buy it, "Why didn't you sleep last night then? Or on the ride here?"

"I get carsick." Michelangelo hated the taste of the lie in his mouth as he continued, "And uh… I was just too revved up to sleep last night."

"You don't get carsick Mikey." The elder returned bluntly.

"How do you know?" Suddenly Michelangelo was on the defensive, "It's not like you've been around the last eight years!"

Surprised by the sudden venom in Michelangelo's voice, Raphael was quiet for a long while. His brother was right. He hadn't been around. How would he know about his sibling's sleeping patterns?

That's the thing: he wouldn't.

He also would no longer have the trust he once had with his family, which meant he had no right to probe into Michelangelo's privacy. So he took a step back, "You're right. I haven't been around, which means it's none of my business. I'm sorry."

Michelangelo blinked in shock at Raphael's sudden surrender. In the past, his brother would have never just given up like that in anything. He would have pried until Michelangelo relented, and he certainly would have never apologized for pushing in the first place.

At the younger's lack of response, Raphael began paddling absently. It gave him something to do. He hurt, a lot.

However, he wasn't the only one.

As much as he wanted to just swim away and be alone, he had placed the ball in Michelangelo's court and although it thoroughly sucked, he would just have to wait until his brother gave it back. So determined was he to take as much pressure off the younger as possible, when Michelangelo finally took a breath to respond, Raphael's eyes remained trained on the sky above, "You were right. You are different."

They both knew he wasn't talking about the physical. Raphael continued to examine the sky, "Eight years is a long time."

"Yeah…" The elder felt Michelangelo fidget, "It is."

Green eyes watched the distant clouds above. Not knowing what to do he just said what came to mind, "I'm pretty sure it's been April's personal mission to catch me up on every movie and show that I've missed since I left."

"Dude," The younger's voice lightened significantly, "By the time she catches you up you'll just be behind again."

"That's what I told her." Raphael gave a puff of laughter, "But you know April. Once she sets her mind on something nothing'll stop her."

"Yeah…" Michelangelo replied softly, "She's awesome like that."

Feeling the tension rising again, the elder ceased his paddling, dipping the back of his head in the water, "You want me to take you back to shore?"

"No!"

He was far from convinced, "You sure?"

Suddenly a pair of blue eyes met his green, "Yes! I might never get another chance like this."

Raphael wasn't sure how he felt about Michelangelo standing on his forehead like he was, but he kept his tone gentle considering the younger's words. "I'm not going anywhere Mikey."

"How do I know that?"

The older mutant could not deny he was horrified by how bright his little brother's eyes had become. Plucking his sibling off of his face, Raphael righted himself in the water. Treading as steadily as he could, he directed all his attention to the freckled turtle, "Mikey…"

But Michelangelo cut him off, "Don't "Mikey" me! Come on Raph! How am I supposed to know?"

Raphael opened his mouth, but the youngest plowed on, "What proof do I have that the second you're given the opportunity you won't just jettison from our lives again? What evidence is there that you even want to be with us now?!"

Attempting to interject yet again, the elder was ignored, "I mean, if it wasn't for April you would have never come out of hiding in the first place!"

"Mikey!" Fiery coils of anger were coursing through Raphael's gut. "Shut up!"

Blue eyes brimmed with tears, which left Raphael feeling more than a little shitty, "Awe geez Mikey… Don't cry."

"I'm not crying!" Michelangelo snapped as he viciously wiped at his face. Realizing it was a futile attempt, he pulled his hands away before slumping forlornly into Raphael's palms. After a moment of silence he glared up, "Well what are you waiting for? Just get it over with already."

Utterly confused, Raphael tilted his head, "Get what over?"

Blue eyes narrowed, "Aren't you going to tease me? Call me a crybaby?"

"Why would I do that?" The giant turtle responded in disbelief.

"Because I am one! Leo and Donnie are always saying I cry too much!" He then jabbed a finger in the larger's direction, "And you used to call me a crybaby all the time!"

For a moment, all Raphael could do was blink stunned at the turtle in his hands.

He had forgotten.

Once upon a time, he had teased Michelangelo endlessly about being a crybaby. Yet, now, seeing the exhausted turtle in his hold, all he could feel was a curdling guilt and sickening self-loathing that whether intentionally or not, he was partially to blame for leaving his brother in such a poor mental state. "I'm…" His mouth felt tacky, "I am so sorry, Mikey."

When Michelangelo didn't respond, opting to adamantly stare at his lap instead, a new memory blossomed into Raphael's mind from a time when they were much younger. In it was a little freckled turtle, repeatedly going into Raphael's room night after night after awakening from a nightmare. Even as they grew older, Michelangelo still kept coming back. No matter how old they got, the world always had supplied more than enough fuel for the youngest's incredible imagination. Often his mind provided him with endless joy. Yet, every gift has a dark side and for Michelangelo, his vivid subconscious had always yielded nightmares of an untold capacity to terrify.

Looking down at his baby brother now, it all made sense. Raphael had left and when he had, there was no one to go to at night. Sure, Leonardo and Donatello on occasion would provide the youngest comfort, but it was only Raphael who had never turned away his youngest sibling. It was only Raphael who knew when Michelangelo was experiencing a particularly bad bout of night horrors and instinctively knew to invite his brother to his room to sleep until the wave had passed.

Finding his voice again, Raphael's tone was grave, "You still have nightmares don't you?"

Michelangelo's voice quivered as he exhaled, "Every night since you left."

That left Raphael speechless. How the hell could this have happened? How had things gotten so messed up? Here was his baby brother essentially confessing he hadn't had a good night's sleep in ages and it was entirely Raphael's fault. Not wanting to believe it, his voice shook, "D-do you mean t-to tell me that you haven't had one good sleep in eight years?"

"Oh I've had a few here and there." Finally pale blue eyes turned up, "But usually that's only been after Donatello has drugged me to sleep out of desperation."

"Shit Mikey." Raphael felt his own eyes watering now, "This is all my fault. I am so sorry. Fuck… Sorry doesn't even begin to cut it."

Yet, even though he had every reason to lash out, Michelangelo didn't. Instead he shook his head as he stood, "No Raph. It's not."

"You stopped sleeping the day I left." The elder's tone held nothing but self-torment, "How is that not my fault?"

Michelangelo's eyes were solemn, "Because I just never really grew up Raph. I've always been permanently set on being the baby brother. Then you grew up and I didn't. And when you left… Well it wasn't your fault that I just couldn't accept it."

"B-but I…" Raphael tried to find his words, "I should have stayed. I should have –"

Once more the youngest shook his head, this time a sad little grin was nestled onto his lips, "No Raph, you shouldn't have stayed. You needed to go figure yourself out." He then rubbed at his arm guiltily, "But I can't lie to you. Now that you're back part of me is terrified you're going to leave again. And maybe it's selfish of me, but if you do, I know I'll hate you for it."

He was petrified of what the answer could be but he had to ask, "Did you hate me when I left? Do you… Do you hate me now?"

"You know," Michelangelo looked off into the distance, "For a long time I really did." His blue eyes came back to meet his brother's loaded with icy steel, "I loathed your stinking guts. I hated that you could just up and leave us like that, but then time went on and I stopped wondering why you did it. Instead I started wondering if you were happy. If you had finally found what you were looking for. Because well… Obviously you weren't getting what you needed with us.

"And then," His eyes softened, "When April said you were still alive, I suddenly knew none of that really mattered. I just wanted to see you again. More than anything I just wanted to know if you really truly were okay." A tiny smirk formed on his freckled face, "I admit the size thing was a little surprising, but then even before I had a chance to really process it, you were taken. And my big brother was gone - again.

"Then I knew for sure. I couldn't bear to lose you." His expression darkened, "I refused to lose you. And that's why, although I don't hate you now; I know if you leave us like that again, I will."

Unsure what to say next, Michelangelo saved Raphael the trouble when he continued, "But whenever you return, I'll always forgive you."

Blinking back tears, Raphael murmured, "Mikey, I… I don't know what to say." He shook his head trying to organize his thoughts, "I don't deserve you."

"None of you do." Michelangelo scoffed, "But I don't deserve you either so I guess that makes us even." Chuckling, Raphael couldn't help but lift his baby brother to his face to nuzzle him. "Umm… What are you doing Raph?" Yet despite his initial protest, the youngest was quickly overjoyed at the attention, "I was right! You do miss my hugs."

Brushing his beak repeatedly over Michelangelo's carapace, Raphael mumbled, "So what if I did? Sue me."

Eventually, Raphael eased himself back onto his shell to resume floating effortlessly in the water. Obviously content, Michelangelo laid plastron-side down onto Raphael's chest. For a while they just glided along chatting about nothing, simple enjoying the other's presence. After a while though, the sun finally began to set and the elder found himself rolling back over to swim them both to shore. While still far out of ear shot of the others, Raphael tried to casually remark, "You know… It's kind of weird sleeping here. I mean… It's just a lot different from my place in the sub sewers." He huffed in frustration at his lack of subtlety, "I guess what I'm saying is that I could use some company in the barn until April gets back."

"Really?!" Even though he couldn't see his face, Raphael could hear both joy and a definite hint of relief in Michelangelo's voice, "Bro! We can totally have a slumber party!"

He rolled his eyes, but was unable to not smile himself, "We are not calling it that."

"Why not?" Raphael could feel Michelangelo leaning forward over the edge of his massive carapace, "Slumber parties are great!"

Still, the satisfaction he felt at his sibling's glee did not keep him from establishing his rightful role of big brother, "I don't care how "great" they are. You keep calling it that and my offer's off the table."

Tensing briefly, the youngest retried, "On second thought, how about we hold off on naming it?"

"That's better." Raphael smirked before softening his tone, "Don't worry. No nightmare is gonna dare sneak up on you on my watch, little brother." Stepping into the shallows, the giant turtle rose up onto two legs. With Michelangelo still on his shell Raphael cracked his knuckles menacingly, "They even attempt to show their ugly mugs and they'll have to answer to me."

"Who's answering to you?" Leonardo and Donatello had seen their siblings coming, and were standing on the shore waiting. The eldest turtle was tilting his head questioningly, but had a slight smile on his face.

Folding his arms behind his head, Raphael answered, "Anyone who messes with my little brother." At Donatello and Leonardo's shared looks, he amended with a smug smirk, "Actually anyone who messes with any of my little brothers will be in deep shit."

"Little brothers?" Leonardo bristled as he cottoned onto Raphael's meaning, "I'm still older than you!"

"Yet you're still the smallest, short stack." Raphael laughed, "And that makes you my little brother."

"If you think for one second I'm going to start calling you big brother, Raph…" The eldest folded his arms across his chest grumbling.

"But it sounds so sweet coming from your lips, Leo." The giant turtle jeered as he crouched down to give this particular brother his best shit-filled grin.

"You are something else, you know that?" Leonardo huffed as he set off towards the farm house.

"Where have I heard that before?" Raphael winked at Michelangelo, who was now comfortably seated on his shoulder, before rising.

Michelangelo's smile was just as mischievous, "Oh man Raph, do you know how long it's been since Dr. Prankenstein had an ally?"

"Oh geez…" Donatello gave Leonardo a wary look, "You know where this is going."

Grinning evilly the green-eyed turtle answered, "Betcha Dr. Prankenstein never thought he'd have a giant turtle on his side."

At Michelangelo's maniacal cackles, Leonardo moaned as Donatello placed a hand on his shell for support, "Donnie we are so screwed."

"Don't be so pessimistic Leo." Raphael smirked, "A prank never hurt anyone."

"Pranks aren't usually pulled by twenty-seven foot mutant turtles, Raphael." Donatello retorted.

"A minor detail." Said described mutant shrugged.

"Again I reiterate," the eldest sighed, "We are so screwed Donnie."

"Yep." Donatello nodded sagely.

With the farmhouse off in the distance, Michelangelo reminded, "Hey at least sensei is here. As long as he's around you know I have to keep it low key."

"When has that ever stopped you before?" Leonardo replied in exasperation.

"It definitely didn't stop you from sticking yellow feathers to my carapace with crazy glue and calling me bird brain for a week." The purple-clad turtled bemoaned.

"Nor did it stop you from putting fast-drying orange paint over my bedroom door so when I went through I got coated in it and left me neon orange for weeks." The eldest recalled.

"Didn't stop you from rigging my drum set so that every time I went to play them they spouted sneezing powder at me." Raphael added.

"Dude," Michelangelo frowned at the sibling who carried him, "I thought you said you were on my team?"

"I am." Raphael agreed, "But we both know you've pranked me more than once over the years."

"Which is all the more reason why you should be pranking Raph instead of us." Donatello suggested, "You have a lot of catching up to do, Mikey."

"Bro," Michelangelo shook his head, "I can't do that! Raph could more than clobber me before. Do you know what he could do to me now?!"

"He makes a good point." Leonardo acquiesced to his mahogany-eyed brother.

"Don't go siding with them!" Donatello objected, "I need at least one ally Leo!"

"I'm not siding with them." The eldest countered, "I was just saying…"

"It's okay to admit you're scared Leo." Raphael chuckled, "You have every reason to be."

"Yesh." Donatello rolled his eyes, "How smug can you be?"

"It's not pride if you can back it up." The massive turtle rolled his colossal shoulders in demonstration.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's still pride." Leonardo corrected "Or at least narcissism."

Donatello grinned approvingly at Leonardo's word choice before interjecting his own remark, "You know what they say, Raph, "Pride comes before the fall.""

"And you are pretty tall, which means you have a lot farther to fall dude." Michelangelo less-than-helpfully pointed out.

"Right." Raphael muttered, "I was wondering why I felt so confident lately. It's because I got away from you dweebs for a while."

"I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you were pretty cocky well before you left, Raph." Donatello returned.

"Or at least you pretended to be." Michelangelo spoke quietly so that only Raphael could hear.

Grateful for his baby brother's words, Raphael gave the youngest a quick nuzzle before regaining his swagger, "Well whatever my ego was it was no thanks to you shell heads."

"We missed you too meathead." Mahogany eyes glared up at the towering turtle.

Green eyes did not fail to glower back, "You know I'm sad I missed your feather prank Mikey. You really should think about giving it another go. Donnie and Bird Brain just seem to go so darn well together."

"You bet they do!" Michelangelo giggled, "Like peanut butter and jelly or bagels and cream cheese!"

"Man I just realized…" Raphael sighed reminiscently, "I haven't had peanut butter in forever. I can barely even remember what the stuff tastes like."

"Probably a heck of a lot better than your primary diet of algae and squirrelanoid." Leonardo replied.

"Hey! That reminds me!" Without hesitation, Michelangelo was hugging at Raphael's chin, "Raph, when we get back to the city what are the chances you'd be willing to eat of all the squirrelanoids?"

Raphael detached Michelangelo from his chin, "Hold on." Before coming to a dead halt, "Since when are you okay with my eating squirrelanoids? Last time I checked you guys were ready to barf when it came up."

"Correction," Donatello raised a finger in gesture, "Mikey wants you to eat squirrelanoids. Not the rest of us. The last thing you need is to ingest any more mutagen, Raphael."

"And he only wants you to eat them because he's scared of them." Leonardo finished.

"Not this again." Folding his arms firmly across his plastron, Raphael moved into a crouch so he could glare at each in turn, "First of all, Mikey, no I am not going to clear out the sewers of squirrelanoids just because they freak you out. Second of all, Leo, he should be scared of them, and so should you. And third of all," His eyes narrowed at Donatello, "Whether or not I decide to eat more of those mutant fuzz balls is none of your business, Donatello."

Not at all impressed by the direction this conversation was going, Leonardo barked, "Donnie's right Raph! You can't just keep eating those things!"

"All the added mutagen to your DNA could have detrimental effects Raph!" Donatello affirmed, "I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I'm telling you because I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"Except I've been eating them for the last eight years and so far there's no mutant tentacles or extra limbs or other freaky things growing out of me. If I was going to really mutate Donnie, I would have done so already." Raphael tried to explain.

"Raphael!" Donatello threw his arms wide in exasperation, "You've already begun to really mutate! You're nearly a thirty foot tall giant turtle! You're essentially a mini Gamera!"

"Well except you don't fly around shooting flames out of your shell." Michelangelo quietly quipped from his shoulder perch.

Ignoring Michelangelo's flame comment, Raphael countered, "We've been through this Donnie! I was already massive before I even started eating those things!"

"Maybe so, but you eating them has undoubtedly exacerbated the original problem!" The second youngest snapped.

"For the love of –" The giant turtle pushed his fists briefly against his eyes before opening his arms in frustration, "Why is it that my initial growth had to be a problem?! Why the hell did you suddenly dub me the black sheep? The outsider? What was so wrong with me just being a little bigger than you?"

"A little bigger?" Leonardo exclaimed, "Raph, when you left you were almost nine feet tall!"

"Yeah and it wouldn't have been such a big problem if you three didn't laugh at me about it all the time!" The addressed turtle retorted.

"We didn't laugh–"

"Don't give me that crap, Leo." Raphael cut him off, "You jumped on practically every opportunity to make me feel like even more of a freak than I already was! With the way you guys used to treat me you cannot be that surprised that I finally got fed up with it and called it quits."

With his words hanging in the air, the three smaller turtles exchanged silent looks. Finally, after a prolonged silence, Michelangelo spoke, "We never thought you were a freak Raph."

"You could have fooled me." The massive turtle plucked the tiny turtle off of his shoulder to place him on the ground beside Leonardo. "What was it you called me?" His tone was painfully light before darkening dramatically, "Oh right, Raphzilla."

Michelangelo visibly flinched while the other two simply fidgeted uncomfortably. Feeling thoroughly wretched, Raphael shook his head before adjusting his posture to stand. However, before he did, Michelangelo cried, "Why do you think I have nightmares all the time, Raph?" Green eyes widened subtly in realization as his brother continued, "Not a day goes by that I don't regret the things I said and the things I did to you."

"Mikey…" Leonardo placed a hand on his sibling's freckled shoulder, "This isn't all your fault."

"I'm not saying it is." Shaking Leonardo off, the youngest's fist clenched at his sides, "But that doesn't mean I can't recognize that I still played a part in it all." His eyes hardened to a metallic blue, "Maybe my actions alone didn't push Raph away, but they certainly didn't help. So when he really needed someone, it's not surprising that he didn't feel he could come to us – to me." He hugged himself as the final words of his confession streamed out, "And as much as I hated him for leaving, if it had been me, I probably would have done the exact same thing."

Donatello bowed his head, "That makes two of us…"

"Yeah… Same here…" Leonardo sighed, "I'm sorry Raph."

"I'm sorry too." Donatello's mahogany eyes were bright when he looked up from the ground.

"We're all sorry." Michelangelo revised, "We really let you down, Raph."

For the duration of his baby brother's speech and the apologies that sprang to all their lips soon after, Raphael had been frozen in place. Not only even after so long had his brothers remembered how things had ended before he left, but Raphael's siblings had undoubtedly spent every day since thinking about their lost brother just as much as he himself had. Raphael was not the only one who had spent time lost within a cavern of memories. Yet, April had been right. There were still carvings left to make.

"Guys I…" Raphael shook his head as he tried to solidify his thoughts, "Can we… Can we just start over? Trust me, I get it. We all screwed up. There's no doubt about it, but we can't change it. We can't change that I was MIA for eight years, we can't change that I ate all of those squirrelanoids, and we can't change that I grew into this whether because of my 'noid mutagen diet or something else." He exhaled as he tried again, "I mean… We can't keep living in the past. The reality is I'm a giant freaking turtle now but even so, at least I'm a giant freaking turtle in North Hampton with his brothers than a giant freaking turtle in the sub sewers of New York City living alone."

"He's right." Donatello nodded, "After eight years we are finally all together again."

"Reunited with our lost brother at last." Leonardo grinned.

"Mikey?" Raphael turned to his final sibling.

Blue eyes looked up to meet his big brother's green before a stunning smile lit up every inch of freckled face, "Does that mean Leo and Donnie are invited to our slumber party?"

Leonardo turned in confusion to Donatello, "A slumber what?"

However, before the eldest's words were barely out of his mouth, Raphael was pouncing after Michelangelo, "MIKEY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL IT THAT!"

Utterly elated, the agile turtle just barely skipped out of his massive brother's reach while fiendishly giggling.

Michelangelo would sleep soundly that night.

A/N Wow. This was a bit of a beastie of a chapter, which is probably good because with school heating up I'll have way less time to update from now on. I'll do my best, but I have exams pretty much twice a week, every week from now until Christmas. Thank-you so much for reading and reviewing everyone!

Also, the wonderful Setoangel01 once again blessed me with fanart! This time it's of the whole gang so you all need to go and check it out! Stat!