Beth had been avoiding him; she couldn't possibly make it any more obvious if she tried. It was getting unbearable, but leaving right now wasn't an option, the rain and freezing winds kept them trapped indoors. Daryl had tried to go for a walk yesterday, but he made it three feet from the door before freezing his arse of and recoiling back into the house. He had no idea what to do with this information, he was uncomfortable with the fact that he was liking Beth's company a lot more than he should. After the incident two nights ago he was even more uncomfortable with the fact that she apparently liked him too, or at least didn't utterly hate him, as she had offered herself…at least that's what he thought it was, right?
Judging from the way she was acting, she was either pretty damn hooked on him or actually hated him now; either way it made this living arrangement impossible. They couldn't go on like this, her over on the bed writing in her diary and him on the couch just avoiding her. He pulled the last stitch through and secured it with a knot before breaking the string with his teeth. Daryl stood and crossed to the bed, throwing the item at Beth. It landed against her legs with a thud.
She shifted her legs slightly "What is it?" It was a flat question that yielded no emotion, not even a little curiosity.
"That jacket for Ole' OneEye." Daryl stated.
Beth looked back to it but didn't comment, just picked it up and took it to the dog, placing it over his back and putting his arms through it before securing it on. "You like that boy?...yeah, it's so warm." She smiled and kissed the dog on the head adding a generous pat. She didn't even glance at Daryl, just walked back to the bed and picked up her pen. She was going to start writing but couldn't while she was being watched so thoroughly. She took a deep breath. "What?"
"We need to talk." He stated, shifting a little.
"Not really." Beth answered as she tried to write again, but she just ended up letting the pen sit against the page.
Daryl stepped forward a little. "We do."
Beth pulled the pen off the page, leaving behind a thick blob of blue ink. "Fine, Daryl, what do you want to talk about?" She asked, looking up to him.
He lost his confidence again and looked to the floor. "Think ya know, Beth." He mumbled.
"We don't need to talk about it."
Daryl sat carefully on the edge of the bed from which he had silently been banished. "Back's pretty sore...can't spend another night on the floor."
Beth wanted to hit him for that… is that all he was worried about? "So? I never told you to stay on the floor. Sleep in the bed if you want, I don't care."
Daryl took a deep breath and raised his hand to his temples rubbing them. "You gotta understand Beth..."
"I get it Daryl... I get it, and I'm sorry ok? Sorry that I screwed up. Obviously I misunderstood, won't happen again." She spoke quickly as she patted her dog, trying to distract herself.
He took in a deep breath. "You didn't... screw up...I...wasn't your fault, s'mine." Beth replied by glaring at him, he shrugged. "I'm the adult here, I shouldn't have...I…."
Beth cut him off. "I'm not a kid Daryl, I knew what I was doing. I'm a woman not a little girl."
"I noticed." He flinched as his answer was a little too quick, but then he couldn't hold back from looking again, drinking her in, every womanly part of her.
"You know what, Daryl, if you're playing it like that, then don't do that." She answered. His eyes shot to hers with a questioning look. "That!" She answered looking him up and down as obviously as he just had done to her. "I get it, you're hard up for choice, 'n you're just a guy, but don't make it seem like you like me and then throw it back in my face, that's just cruel!"
Daryl dropped his head in shame, he had no idea that's how it was happening. "That's not…" He paused, feeling a burning sensation in his nose and he realized that it was that strange feeling that happens when you're trying to hold back tears, he shook that off. "I wasn't tryna do that to ya, Beth."
"Then what were you trying to do?" The question was so direct it made him uncomfortable.
"I have no idea." It wasn't laced with any hidden meaning, it was just honest.
"Fine." Beth eyed him carefully. "Let's just pretend it didn't happen."
"Don't wanna do that, Beth...if we do that it'll just happen again. I dun...dun know what happened really."
Beth was angry now. "You wanna know what happened, Daryl? You've spent months...years building yourself up to be my hero, someone that I could only imagine might even notice me. Then, you go and flirt and you look at me like you might like me? I'm not just talking about now, Daryl!" Her voice was louder and harsher than he'd ever heard it before. "I'm talking about back at the prison, when you started making visits, hanging out with me and Judy. If you wanted to be just friends you shouldn't have walked me back to my cell, sure as hell shouldn't 'a told me I looked pretty, or brought me gifts. But, if for some stupid reason - because believe me, I was that dumb - if you still thought that was ok, fine, but then when we're out here, you sure as hell don't do shit like holding my hand, 'n looking me up and down and licking your lips and hugging me in the middle of the night! You don't just do that stuff Daryl..!"
"You started that." He reminded her.
She swallowed down her tears and squeezed her fingers into her legs; he was so frustrating sometimes. "It doesn't matter, Daryl! You don't do it of you don't like the person, you stop it. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Watch your mouth." He snapped. It wasn't the first time he'd heard her swear, but it was the first time she had ever directed it at him. Hell he was aware he was the one who taught her to swear, he just never imagined her turning it against him.
Beth screwed up her face before slapping his arm. "No, Daryl, I mean it. What the actual fuck is wrong with you? You're so twisted! I get that you don't do the feeling thing and I know you probably like the attention, but you don't let someone think there's a chance when you hate them, that's so mean. I mean, pull your head out your arse and take a look around! You can't go nowhere. This ain't the old world and I ain't no fucking slut trailer trash. You don't get to treat me like shit, because at the end of the day, no matter how much you hate me, we're stuck here!"
He was shocked at her language and her forwardness. He'd never seen her like this and it took a while before he could finally look up at her. When he did he saw the tears brimming in her eyes, which may actually have broken his heart. "I don't hate you Beth...could never hate you."
Beth huffed and looked away. "Well, sure don't seem like it." She folded her arms and slumped back down on the pillows, feeling defeated.
"How could you say that?" He asked, and it seemed genuine so she graced him with an answer.
'Oh c'mon Daryl, you're that hard up and I offer myself and you choose to go take care of it yourself? I mean, turning someone down's bad enough, but seriously, clearly your four-point-five fingers are more attractive. Whatever..." Beth spat as she crossed to the counter, suddenly feeling as if she were starving.
She clunked bowls around and started spooning some stew out. Daryl had followed her over, no doubt wanting stew too, she rolled her eyes. He could at least have some empathy for her broken-hearted admission. "And you know what? If you didn't want me, you could've just said so. Ya' didn't have to treat me like trash and make me feel so shitty. Just say it, man."
Daryl took a deep breath, how could he do this to her, hurt her like this? He wished things were different, wished this world hadn't gone to the dogs, wished he wasn't just trailer trash, wished he were a few years younger, wished he could be the person she thought he was…he'd have liked that. Pain thudded in his chest, shooting hot bursts of electricity from his heart through him, as if it were lightening. He tried to ignore that, tried to push it away, but he couldn't push away the storm of thoughts that rolled around in his brain. He would've taken her to her prom, brought her flowers, applied for the same collage, taken her on real dates, asked her to marry him on some romantic beach somewhere… yeah, that's a joke…Daryl had never seen a beach, but he would've taken her there if he did…they could've built a life, a family, had kids, maybe even one as cute as Judith. He was shocked to find he'd done it again, let his body move without permission. His hand was resting on her stomach now, where he had briefly imagined their alternate future child, or maybe it was just a possessive hold, reaffirming that he could probably have her if he wanted her. He should've retracted his hand, but in his whole life nothing had felt more right to hold. He shook his head. "That's not what I said." His eyes shot to hers gauging her reaction at his accidental admission. It's not what he meant to say, he was supposed to agree, to tell her he didn't want her, but he couldn't even think those words let alone voice them.
She squeezed her eyes shut and let her head loll forward with the smallest of sobs. What was he doing? How could he be so mean toying with her heart like this?
He realized he shouldn't have said that, but he so needed her to understand. "Naw, Beth don't do that." It was just a whisper, one that shocked him, but he was powerless to stop it escaping him, powerless to stop what he was doing. His face was leaning on hers, gently nuzzling until she finally turned her head and his lips were touching hers, and his arms were wrapped around her, he wasn't kissing her, at least he was trying not to. He didn't know what he was doing, he had lost control of his thoughts, of his body, it had outvoted him and cast him aside, acting on its own now.
Beth took it as an invitation and soon enough her lips were greedily placing short kisses over and over on his lips, which somehow responded with all the passion he'd ever known. His hands were gripping greedily at her hips, she had opened her mouth to him and all reservation was gone. He was content to hungrily explore her and as he did she was mewling into his mouth as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders pulling him into her. That knocked him off his feet, the whole thing did; she had thrown him off balance and turned his whole world to chaos. He pulled back as he heard the bowls crash to the floor, the sound shocking him back to reality, but Beth wasn't stopping. He literally had to push her chin back before he muttered the most painful words he'd ever said. "Beth... no."
Her forehead was still resting on his and he swore he could feel every ounce of pain that poured across her face, she briefly thought she should be angry at him for playing her again, but she was too hurt, "Why?"
He pulled his head back a little and her arms slid down his chest, but neither of them was willing to pull back. "I ain't right for ya."
Beth's features softened a little. "But you are, Daryl." Her tone was gentle and reassuring.
He shook his head as it rested on her own. "I ain't."
"Why, Daryl?"
"I know what I am...'n I know what you are, can't do that to ya, Beth."
Those words softened her heart, made all the feelings she'd felt in the past few weeks melt away. "You did want us to do this, though?" She asked. He couldn't manage an answer. "I want to do this." She affirmed, which made him literally want to melt into her, but he couldn't.
Instead he pulled his head back and among all the reasons that he knew this was wrong, he offered the most important one. "I ain't no rock spider." He mumbled.
"What?"
"You know, cradle snatcher, it ain't just that I'm a piece o' shit, ya just so young, Beth." He answered honestly.
She pulled back slightly. "I'm not that young, I'm nineteen, that's legal, not that that matters. There aren't rules anymore."
Daryl pushed her back, a little more, so there was a decent space between them, although her fingers still held onto his shirt. He couldn't even manage to look at her. "I'm almost old enough to be your father, Beth. know there aren't laws, but there's still principles, n it dun matter what I want... ya just a girl, ya dun' know what ya want yet. Ya might think ya do... but pretty soon y'll change ya mind... gotta do what's right by you, and pretty soon y'd be hatin' me if I let this happen" he answered and he wrapped his fingers around her wrists and pulled her hands from his chest.
"That's not true Daryl, and there aren't even years anymore, no one has an age, you're a kid, an adult, or dead..."
He shook his head. "Care 'bout ya too much ta hurt ya like that, Beth."
She looked him squarely in the eye, hoping that honesty might change his mind. "But you are hurting me." She didn't even attempt to hide the tears in her eyes.
Daryl shook his head. "It ain't right." He took a final shaky breath before stepping back. "Gonna go for a walk." He said before turning for the door.
Beth briefly wondered whether to be completely destroyed by his walking away, but then she let a small smile play on her lips. The knowledge that he did want her was enough to give her hope and that somehow she would eventually find a way to show him she wasn't changing her mind. She would find a way into his world, into his arms. She knew it as sure as she knew that he'd be the last man standing. There was no doubt because she knew that she had already found her way into his heart... or something.