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Rule #26: I am not a sloth Animagus

Rule #27: I am not a tribble Animagus

What do you get when a person is slow, lazy, and has too much hair? A sloth Animagus. Now what do you get when a person has even more hair, purrs, and is mortal enemies with a few Muggleborns that are Klingon fans? A tribble Animagus.

Guess who's both a sloth Animagus and a tribble Animagus?

Apparently not me.

Apparently it takes more than not cutting your hair and learning how to purr to become an Animagus.

Stupid. Who'd make becoming an Animagus so difficult anyway? Why not make it something that everyone can do. I mean, I don't know of any person that wakes up in the morning and says, "I don't think it would be cool to turn into an animal. In fact, I'd swallow my wand before I would voluntarily turn into an animal."

I've also never met anyone that's swallowed his or her wand before. I imagine it would be painful, though, when the wand decided to come out the other end. It'd make for an amusing story but I'm not the type of person that would voluntarily go through pain just to get a few laughs. Take note of that word—voluntarily.

Yep, that's right. I've gone through pain to get a few laughs but it wasn't willingly. Stupid Peeves, targeting me for Halloween pranks during my sixth year. Completely uncalled for. And of course that was the one year when I couldn't rely on the teachers for help. Bloody sadists.

Sixth year was just miserable for me. Professor Snape was the headmaster of Hogwarts, which meant that he was too busy to oversee detentions. Such a shame. I had been actually starting to enjoy his detentions by then. I had also started learning to enjoy Professor McGonagall's detentions as well. She may have been a Gryffindor but she actually appreciates the occasional explosion. Just not when I'm the cause of it.

It was during one of those detentions with Professor McGonagall that we got onto the topic of Animagi. She had been giving students Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons in her detentions because we were basically just learning Dark Arts in our actual Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

"Normally the creature you transform into is a creature whose personality you resemble the most to," she explained.

"So that means I would be a sloth Animagus?" I asked. Professor McGonagall sighed.

"No, you wouldn't be a sloth Animagus," she answered.

"I think I would be," I protested. "It may not look like it but I can actually be very lazy. Plus I have an adorable face and a lot of hair."

"I know you can be lazy," Professor McGonagall muttered. "I still haven't gotten your essays from first year. Or third year."

"I'll get on that whenever I can find my motivation," I promised her. "However, it's currently still locked up in a jail somewhere."

Professor McGonagall just shook her head.

"I think I would be a tribble Animagus," I said a few minutes later. Professor McGonagall didn't even bother asking. Over the years, she's learned that it's better to just not ask questions.

"I would be a tribble Animagus because I have a lot more hair than a sloth and because I'm adorable. Plus, I learned how to purr over the summer. And the Klingon fans around the school used to hate me."

"You wouldn't be a tribble Animagus," Professor McGonagall said calmly as she marked an essay with red ink. "And the Klingon fans used to hate you because you butchered their language, ruined opera for them forever, and tried to use Klingon rituals to mate with them and then got offended when they refused to read love poetry to you."

I grinned widely.

"That was a good day," I said. Professor McGonagall rolled her eyes and continued marking essays.

After a few more minutes, I stood up.

"Where are you going?" Professor McGonagall asked as I prepared to leave her office.

"I'm going to learn how to become a sloth or tribble Animagus," I told her. "I figured the best way to do that is to try and act like the animal as much as possible."

"And how are you going to do that?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I'm going to climb a tree or a pillar, hang on a branch or a ceiling, and sleep," I informed her. "Then I'm going to wake up, eat at a really slow pace, purr, and repeat the process."

I don't think Professor McGonagall actually believed I was serious at the time. However, she should have known by then that I'm always serious when it comes to that sort of thing.

The next morning, the students had gathered in the Great Hall for breakfast.

"Psst!"

The students looked around for me, recognizing my voice. A few of the Hufflepuffs flinched out of reflex.

"Psst!"

A few of the smarter ones thought to look up. They poked their friends, who also looked up and then poked their other friends. Soon the entire Great Hall was staring up at me.

"Hey Draco, could you pass me a piece of toast?"

The professors stormed over to where I was hanging from the Great Hall ceiling before I could get my piece of toast.

"What are you doing up there?" Alecto Carrow demanded.

"Trying to become a sloth-slash-tribble Animagus!" I called down to her. "Now can I have a piece of toast?"

"Get down here this instant!" Alecto Carrow ordered.

"But I'm trying to become a sloth-slash-tribble Animagus!" I protested. "I have enough hair!"

Alecto Carrow apparently didn't like being defied. She whipped out her wand and started blasting curses in my direction. In shock, I let go. I would have landed in the eggs had Professor Flitwick not slowed me down with a spell.

"Oi!" I cried. "What do you think you're doing? You ruined my experiments! Now I have to start all over again!"

Alecto Carrow was fuming. She raged on at the top of her lungs for a few minutes before she was calm enough to issue my verdict.

"Detention!"

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