Prompt: S4. Castle and Beckett starts fighting and she suddenly confesses she loves him. She gets embarrassed and ignores him.

A hard knock to his loft door disturbed the peace inside, and it took long enough for her heart to get caught up in her throat before he finally opened.

"Beckett? What are you doing here?" he questioned and she so wished she knew the answer to that.

Well, technically she did know, but there was also no way in hell she'd tell him.

"Nothing, just making sure my partner hasn't gotten himself killed today," she snapped, not meaning to let her irritation show but of course it slipped anyway. Urgh.

He'd spent the whole day with detective Slaughter, a detective who was known for putting his partners in danger and not caring about what kind of hell they got into to get information. Ever since he told her about his plans she had thought about cuffing him to his chair, making sure he wouldn't go through with it.

"I can take care of myself."

His statement had her veins boiling with anger.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she questioned aloud, his nostrils suddenly flaring with the same fury.

"With me? What the hell is wrong with you?!" he shot back. "What do you care if I shadow another detective? Aren't you happy to get rid of me for a day or two? This is probably the best day since before I started shadowing you!"

"I don't care? Thanks a hell of a lot for your confidence Castle. Here I've been all day scared for your life and you can't even text me back with a simple 'I'm ok'! No! I had to walk all the way over here just to get a sign of life and you think I don't care?! Asshole!"

She didn't know what had flown in her. She was just so hurt! Three hours earlier she'd sent away a message asking him if was okay, wrote she wanted to make sure Slaughter hadn't gone on too harsh, and she hadn't gotten a single syllable back! Castle's eyes were wide, eyes dark and sparkling with a fury she had never witnessed during the four years they'd known each other.

"Me an asshole? Then what are you? The devil herself?! You think you are so clever and kind Beckett but the truth is you're the cruelest woman I've ever met! What you've done is so much worse than me ignoring a simple text message."

His words hurt. How could he be so ignorant?! How did everything go so wrong?! Hadn't they come to an agreement at those swings all those months ago?

"Besides, why would you even care if I was dead or alive. You should go, Beckett, we're over."

His voice was calm, as if he did not just say the words that was the death of her. As if he did not just kill her through the words that had once filled her with nothing but love. He turned around to walk away from her, didn't see the reaction displaying on her face. The tears that started falling down her cheeks as if he'd just turned on a sink.

"Why wou... because I fucking love you Castle," the words slipped before she could stop them.

Her voice showed everything. The hurt, the tears, the dejection. And the way his body stilled, his back muscles tensed, she knew he had most definitely heard her. When he turned around his eyes were wide, but this time it was not caused by anger, his mouth was open in a small 'o' showing just how shocked he was. Kate bit her lower lip in order to keep in the sob threatening to spill.

"What?" his voice was not more than a whisper and she looked away, wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Just forget it. You've made pretty clear you don't want me anymore," she said turning around in order to get out of there, she didn't need him to see her break apart more than he already had.

Before she could get two steps away from his door she felt his fingers spread around her bicep in order to stop her. She tried yanking her arm away from him, and it worked! But the second his fingers left her bicep his other arm had sneaked around her waist to pull her back to him.

"I think we need to talk," his voice was gentle, a soft whisper, in her ear and she just wanted him to leave her alone so she could cry.

"Let me go Castle," her voice was not more than sobs leaving her lips now.

"No." his voice was strong, stubborn, and he carefully pulled her back into his loft.

Taking precautions, probably worried she'd run away, he closed his loft door and locked it before he even started to release his grip around her waist.

"Talk to me," he demanded but she didn't want to.

There was no point. He didn't want her, had shown it by very clearly drawing back and shadowing another detective. She was nothing more than research, that was it, nothing more, nothing less. He was done with her, and she had to move on from him. So, she stayed quiet. Well, except for the sniffing and few sobs that escaped her mouth. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop them, her heart was breaking and, fuck, it felt much worse than it had when her mother was killed. How had she allowed him that power? How could she let him get that hard of a grip on her heart? But then again, how could she not? He'd been the only one standing by her side at all times. The only one dumb and stubborn enough to pull her out of a burning building. The only one stupid and brave enough to try and take a bullet for her. The only one she'd ever loved so deeply that it tore her apart thinking something had happened to him when he hadn't answer her text. She wasn't listening to what he was saying, she heard him but she didn't listen. She was done.

Castle noticed he wasn't coming through to her. He hated himself for the pain he could see he had caused her. The pain was written all over the tears that constantly left her hazel green eyes. Those eyes he could normally drown in without a second thought. He tried getting her attention, over and over again, but nothing seemed to work. Her eyes were... dead. She was looking straight forward yet he knew she didn't see anything. She probably heard him too but wasn't paying attention to what he was saying, how he pleaded she'd say something, anything. There was only one thing he could think of that could bring her back, but it was a hell of a risk. Then again, it was a risk he was willing to take if there was even the slightest chance it would bring her back to him. Because there was nothing more he wanted than for her to understand he loved her more than anything, that he did love her too no matter how his actions might've stated otherwise.

Kate felt a warmth on her cheeks before there was a warmth spreading through her lips, down to her body. It took ten seconds before she realized what was happening and it only took another second before her lips moved with his. He was kissing her. She felt his lips carefully caressing hers as his fingers carefully moved into her hair, tilting her head a little to be able to have better access to her lips. He was kissing her slow, his lips leaving and reconnecting with hers as if they'd done this for years. Her fingers twitched before she moved them to his chest, pushing him away with all the strength she could muster in her new weakened state.

"What are you doing?" she breathed out, confused because... he didn't want her.

Why was he kissing her like that if he didn't want her? She couldn't stand this. She couldn't survive this.

"I love you Kate, I love you too," he emphasized his repeated words to get it to sink in.

She was still unsure of what was happening, her head kept spinning at the sensation his kiss had resulted in. How was he able to make her so weak?

"No, you don't," she argued but once her hazel green met his blues she knew he was telling the truth.

"Yes, I do. I've been falling in love with you every single day since the beginning of our partnership, back when you still hated me," he told her his deepest secret, hoping that would make her see.

The words sunk into her mind, and even though she knew they were true, could both hear and see it, she was so confused.

"But... you've been avoiding me, pulling away, shadowing another detective," he cut her off with a peck to her lips.

A peck which had her following him in order to catch his lips in a kiss. Not a move she planned, it was her body taking over, because she had, for so long, wished to be kissed by those exact lips. This time it was his turn to push her away, because yes, he had been avoiding her, but no, it wasn't for the reason she thought.

"I heard you, in interrogation," he begun, "you told that suspect how you remembered every second of your shooting. I thought you lied to me because you didn't feel the same way. I thought you insisted on not telling me you heard me confessing my love for you because you were not interested at all and didn't know how to let me down."

Kate listened, she actually listened for once. She took in every word, and she finally understood! He wasn't the asshole, she was! She'd thought he understood that day on the swings, thought she was clear that she wanted a relationship with him but that she needed time.

"I know that now, but I thought I might've misunderstood you," he said and she realized she'd given voice to her thoughts.

"So... you love me?" she asked, not wanting to feel hopeful but her heart was already pumping fast with warmth and excitement.

"Yes. I love you, Kate Beckett, more than you'll ever understand."

She couldn't stop herself from jumping into him again, arms wrapped around his neck, crashing her lips on his because god she loved him too. He almost stumbled, almost, but his lips moved with a determination she hadn't felt or seen in him before. His arms went around to her back, pulling her body closer to his. She wasn't able to keep her mouth from turning up in a bright smile, feeling her insides flip at the realization that she was kissing him, she was kissing Castle! Their lips were pushed apart thanks to her smile, which she found was mirrored by him.

"You have no idea how many times I've been close to kissing you, to just grab you and kiss you," he whispered and she giggled, not knowing what had gotten in to her.

"Then shut up and kiss me now," she challenged.

A dark lust came over his eyes and she gasped when he suddenly reached down below her thighs to pick her up before he slammed his mouth back to hers. He was kissing her with a hungry force she could've never anticipated, a hunger that she herself felt rising in her abdomen. She felt him moving and it wasn't until her back melted into a mattress that she realized he'd carried her into his bedroom. His body pushed hers into the bed and she groaned at the feeling of his rising erection against her core. Why did they still have their clothes on? She moved her hands to his shirt but before she could get a grip on the hem his hands grabbed her wrists and pinned her hands over her head, growling against her lips. His hips started grinding into hers and she moaned louder than she could ever remember she had before. Actually she couldn't remember a time when she had moaned and screamed a lover's name the way she did that night, couldn't ever remember feeling so sated and giddy as she did after their first, second and third round. Kate Beckett fell asleep with her head on Richard Castle's chest, feeling calmer and more free than she had done in all her life.

Stretching her arms over her head and her legs to get as tall as she could, Kate felt every muscle strain against her movement, completely sore after the beautiful night she'd experienced. Her grin quickly faded when she turned her head to the man whose bed she was in, the man who wasn't there.

"Oh no," she grumbled when she reached over to feel the sheets were cold on his side.

He was gone, and here she thought... she was wrong. He had only used her for research, used her for information to his books. And now, when he'd managed to get into her pants, he would never come back. He probably expected her to leave, pick up her clothes and leave the loft, to never come back. How had she been so stupid? Not only had she let him steer her by letting her walls around her heart go down but she had also told him everything about it. Pouring her heart out and letting him stomp on it as if it was nothing. Her eyes watered, nothing she could do to stop the tears from spilling. What had she done? Biting her lower lip she decided she couldn't stay there, she needed to get out of there. Now!

Kate removed the cover in a quick move, located the clothes he'd thrown beside the bed and was out of the loft not later than five minutes later, running to the elevator to get out of there as fast as possible. There was no way she would stay to see his ignorant face, she could already picture it. If he'd found her still there when he got back from wherever he'd went. He was probably just out somewhere and walking around hoping she would get the message and leave before he returned. God, how stupid she'd been! He loved her? Of course not. Why would she? She was broken. There was nothing attractive enough about her. They lived in different worlds. Why did she think a famous writer could be anywhere near interested in her, a simple homicide detective? Her tears kept streaming down her face as she walked all the way to her apartment, not feeling the slightest at home at all. Everything she'd wanted had been ripped away from her, she'd thought she'd had it in her grasp only hours ago. She had felt at home for the first time since she was a kid. Reaching her apartment she broke down once she was inside, sliding down the door to the floor, curling into a ball because she couldn't anymore. She couldn't pretend not to care anymore. She was done. He had, for real, left her in his bed. She thought they'd been making love, but for him it was all just sex. Just another conquest he could check off his bucket list.

The seconds went by. Seconds turned to minutes. Minutes turned into hours. Her whole body jerked against the floor when a knock vibrated the door still connected to her back. Her tears had stopped falling hours ago, her eyes too dry to form another tear. The apartment was dark, apparently the sun had gone down without her noticing, the moon seeming to be the only light seeping into the building she called home. She didn't feel like answering, knowing she should, especially if it was her best friend or one of her brothers in arm, but she couldn't. She was too broken, and if they wanted something they could come back tomorrow. Or the day after that. Another knock vibrated through the apartment, a bit harsher and more desperate this time. She ignored it. They would call if it was important. It wasn't until the third knock the person behind the door decided to make themselves heard.

"Kate?! Are you in there?! Please open the door! Please!" his begging voice had her eyes watering again.

And here she thought she was out of tears! Guess she was wrong. Again, taunted a voice in the back of her head. She tried telling herself he was not there, that it was an evil trick her mind played on her in order to hurt her more.

"Please open up! Let me explain! Kate? Please!"

His begging continued, and if his pleas were any indication she knew he wouldn't leave until she let him in.

"Go away," she tried, her voice not louder than a mumble, not strong enough to show any confidence.

He probably didn't even hear her, and upon hearing a key in her lock she felt a shock of fright fill her body at the realization he had a key. She'd given it to him after her apartment had blown up, making sure he understood it would only, and only, be used in emergencies. He pushed the door open, but coming to an abrupt stop when he felt how heavy it was, and she heard him grunt in confusion. She didn't look at him, kept her eyes ahead on the floor, but she could practically feel him stick in his head in the small crack he'd gotten open in order to investigate what made the door so heavy.

"Kate?!" he gasped and she could hear fear and confusion in his voice.

Why would he be scared? What did he even care if her broken heart had made her crash onto the floor? Why was he even there?! She didn't move and she didn't answer either, which she suddenly felt was the same as building up his worry even more.

"What happened? Are you okay? Can you move? Are you conscious?" his questioned just kept flying her way but she didn't answer, couldn't find enough strength.

She felt the door push against her back again, moving her body a little further inside her apartment and before she knew it, it was pushed back and clicked shut. Castle was down on his knees in front of her and she felt the back of his hand land on her forehead, probably to check to see if she was having a fever or something and why the hell would he care?! She didn't understand! And why did her eyes decide now was a good time to release yet another wave of tears? She whimpered and sobbed as he continued to ask questions she didn't answer.

"Kate, I swear to god that if you don't talk soon I will take you to the hospital whether you like it or not."

That got her to look up at him, hazel green eyes meeting his deep, blue, worried eyes.

"No," that was all that came out of her mouth and she saw his worry dampen with relief, but it still wouldn't leave completely.

"Please, talk to me, I thought we were making progress last night," his words had her head pounding with frustration.

"You left."

The hurt was so painfully visible in her scratchy voice that she just wanted to disappeared. What had happened to the independent strong woman she'd been before she met him? How could one man, a nine-year-old on a sugar rush, make her feel this way? Why had she let herself fall in love with him? Why!

"Oh," his eyes were suddenly full of realization, as if he hadn't noticed he left that morning and if she'd been strong enough she'd snort, but she wasn't. "I take it you didn't see the note..."

What note?! Her mind was screaming at her. There'd been a note?! Where?!

"...I should've put it on my pillow," his voice sounded like he was cursing at himself, "Kate, I didn't leave you because I wanted to! I left because Slaughter called and practically forced me to. I know, I know, he wasn't there and therefore couldn't physically force me, but he said I'd regret it if I didn't come!"

His hand itched closer to her cheek, probably intending to touch her, but before he could he stopped his movement to draw his hand back.

"I didn't want to wake you up, especially not knowing you would draw me back in and stop me from going, so I took my clothes and went to dress in the living room, which led me to scribbling a note and putting it on the counter in the kitchen, thinking you'd go there to find breakfast. Guess I thought wrong," he mumbled the last part, head hanging in regret and immediately that was all she could feel. Regret.

He hadn't left her, well, he had but not without a note with the reason why. She had yet again jumped to conclusions, just like he had with her interrogation. What the hell was wrong with them? Why couldn't they communicate like normal people?

"When I got home an hour ago and you weren't there, I just figured you'd gone to the precinct. Showing up there with coffees both Espo and Ryan said they thought you were with me, looking into a lead or something. That's when I understood something must be wrong and I went here as fast as I could."

She let out a sigh before whispering 'I'm sorry'. He shook his head immediately and gently cupped her cheek, finally feeling safe enough to touch her again.

"It's not your fault. I thought you knew how much I worship you, how much I love you, but I guess I haven't exactly shown it enough, yet."

She might be weak, and this time not because of the emotional drama she'd felt, but because of the lack of food, but a small smirk got on her lips.

"I can't wait," she whispered, both sincere and teasing.

Or, as teasing as she could considering her voice was still drained by the tears she'd lost during the day. His lips turned up and he leaned down to put his lips onto hers in a small caress before his arms snaked around her body. She let go of a yelp when he suddenly lift her up and carried her bridal style to her couch. As soon as she was set down he kissed her forehead lovingly.

"I'm going to go call for dinner and then we can snuggle on the couch to a movie of your choice," he suggested and she nodded.

She definitely liked the sound of that. They had a lot to talk about, and she knew it wouldn't be easy, but this was a start. And she couldn't wait to see where it would lead.

THE END