New year, new beginnings.
Anger, she discovers, isn't the only emotion she's capable of feeling.
Z
"Z-eh-fire? Ze-fur? Zef-ir?" She drums her fingers against her desk and wonders if asking Miku is worth the risk of running into Hibiki or Officer Yukine.
Officer Yukine—her hand tightens around her pencil, recalling wary eyes staring at her. She'd wanted to wipe that judgmental look off Yukine's face, but Miku's firm hand resting on her shoulder had kept her quiet.
Besides… within minutes of Yukine arriving at the house, Miku had started laughing and smiling in a way that made Carol think a completely different person had taken over Miku's body, and Hibiki had been grinning like an idiot all through dinner last night.
Yukine obviously makes them happy, somehow, in that way that friends make each other smile—that's what she figures, anyway. From watching Micha with Garie, the rest of her classmates with each other, and characters in books Elfnein liked to read, she assumes that is how friendship is supposed to work.
(Except, maybe Garie isn't a good example.)
Her eyes absentmindedly rove over her bookshelf as she comes to the decision that she doesn't want to see Yukine or Hibiki, and—is that a dictionary?
She blinks, then grins.
"Zeh-fer. Zephyr, a soft gentle breeze." She writes that down.
Pauses.
Thinks: a soft gentle breeze?
It sounds like a word Elfnein might like, or the idea of it, anyway.
Not that it matters.
Words are just words; Papa has proven—words don't mean anything. Live, he'd said as if that was enough.
Of course it isn't enough, she sneers.
And those are exactly the thoughts she hadn't wanted to think about! She brushes a brusque hand over her eyes, grumbles about Yukine disrupting such a carefully-maintained equilibrium, and snaps her textbook shut.
She's not a scaredy-cat, she vows. She just… has to step a little outside her comfort zone, that's all, to prove that Yukine's presence in the house isn't going to scare her out of asking for help on her homework!
She gathers her textbook and homework in her arms, hesitates only a second at her bedroom door, and—
Finds herself in a stare-down with Yukine in front of the study, using her textbook as a shield.
There are bags under Yukine's eyes as bad as Miku's when she has an overnight shift, or Papa's when he'd come back after endless rainy days—or Elfnein's after a night full of nightmares and zero sleep—
She raises her chin, chasing the thought of sympathy away.
"Go ahead," Yukine breaks their stalemate, nodding toward the study and taking a few steps back. "Hibiki and Miku are both in there."
"What about you?" she probes, wary.
"I'll just be in the kitchen," Yukine shrugs, shoves her hands in her pockets, and pivots on her heel to leave—as easy as that.
Something (a nameless something that might actually be a shadow of Elfnein's voice) compels her to say, "Wait."
Yukine turns back around, eyebrows hiked up in obvious disbelief.
Her face flushes a searing red, but she tries to swallow down her instinctual anger; it's difficult, considering that Yukine stares at her without saying anything or doing anything other than slouch against the wall to, apparently, wait for Carol to continue.
Only, well… she doesn't know how to continue.
"Relax." Yukine grimaces—it might be a smile but on a perpetually-scowling face she's not sure—and adds, "You don't have to force yourself to make an effort. I'm an adult who helped mess up your life and you hate me for it. I get it."
No, no you don't get it, she wants to snap, but Yukine shrugs again, and smiles. Smiles that sort of really sad smile that Carol loathes, the kind that emphasizes the bruises under Yukine's eyes and the tiredness in her face.
"I'm…. I'll be out of your hair in a couple of days."
"Hey, Carol? Do you think we can cheer up Papa?"
She swallows.
"I'm—I'm still mad at you," she forces herself to tell Yukine, who nods. "You didn't ask me if I wanted to come here—" even if had been inevitable—"you, you kept me and… and Elfnein apart—" her voice cracks a little over Elfnein's name because she had cared, deep down, about leaving Elfnein behind. It's taken her a while to understand that. "I'm still mad," she mumbles.
Her head turns to the side as she tries to blink bothersome tears away.
"Yeah," says Yukine, gruff, "I know. For what it's worth… I'm sorry, Carol, for not giving you a choice."
It's… not okay. But she nods and flees into her bedroom. Hides under her blankets.
She traces the indents left on her arms by her textbook. She's still angry, but also… also….
[***]
Zenith.
Her heart pounds in her chest, her cheeks are flushed, her breathing heavy at the height of her anger, but—but is she angry?
She had been angry, angry at stupid Matou for wrinkling the pages in her dictionary, angry at Garie for scoffing at Micha's inability to tie her shoelaces, and furious at herself for thinking of Elfnein all the time.
"Um," Elfnein starts, glances at her, then flinches and stares dully at the ground.
Carol glares at the cars zipping past, honking and screeching and barely louder than the babble of the people around them; this is the city, trying to drown out her thoughts.
Yes.
Yes, she's still angry—because Elfnein expects scalding words and mocking actions, especially after being dragged all the way here, because Carol realizes, acknowledges, finally accepts that she was a terrible person towards her sister.
She should apologize.
I'm sorry doesn't make it all right. It didn't bring back their father, it doesn't stop her from resenting Yukine, and it won't erase Elfnein's fear and experience. But it's a good place to start, isn't it?
"Elfnein," she drags her gaze back to her sister, to make eye contact like Yukine had done, to convey her sincerity through her eyes like Hibiki always does, to let herself be vulnerable like Miku. "I…." Elfnein looks back, steady and still and wary. "I'm…." Her mouth is full of cotton. "I'm sorry."
Blue eyes—Papa's, hers, and Elfnein's—widen.
Zooming by in a blur of color and sound, the world around them seems to leave them behind as Elfnein says, "Oh."
a/n:
The end!
Of arc III. I said Friday, and it's still Friday for me at the time of posting, haha. This story honestly took a lot longer than I expected to write but I stuck with it and now we're finally here!
I'll be back sometime mid-December with arc IV. Do feel free to drop in a few suggestions or requests or critique here and at my writing tumblr, teddy-tries-writing.