Disclaimer: I do not own any part of D. Gray-man nor any of its characters. I can only close my eyes and quietly play dress up with said characters in my head and hope I'm not desecrating Hoshino Katsura's work too much.
For those of you who care, Author's Notes will be at the end of every chapter and any and all questions will be gleefully answered if asked.
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
EPILOGUE: THE CIRCLE CLOSES
Mana Walker
So this is what it's like to be free, Mana Walker would think as he passed through another nameless town to put on a show for a faceless audience. Standing in his small tent, he put his arms into the air and turned around to greet his brother as he walked in.
"Neah, there you ar-" but as always, there was no one there. Mana turned back, his frustration and sadness temporarily overwhelming his good mood. There were some days when he would wonder just where Neah had wandered off to with that red haired friend of his and why he hadn't come back yet. When he was really thinking about it, Mana would wonder about the giant gaps in his memory and he would ask himself what had happened to him that was so awful that parts of his life seemed too unbearable for him to even remember.
But most days he would just shrug off these inconvenient questions and plod on through life unawares.
He was only eighteen after all; he still had time to make new memories.
One thing that had always bothered him was the peculiar way people would look at him when he said he was eighteen years old. He would then look in a mirror, a shop window or even just a puddle and find to his horror that he was indeed in the body of a sad, old man. But that wasn't right, he was still only eighteen and Neah was fifteen almost sixteen. They were travelling together looking for work in circuses. Neah had gone out with a friend for a short while and Mana was waiting for him to return. After a while these thought would just drift off and be forgotten and the next time someone questioned his age he would show the same look of utter confusion and misunderstanding.
He stretched and began his morning routine, Allen faithfully trotting beside him. There were many things people could say about him, but no could say that Mana Walker did not love his dog. He reminded Mana very much of his little brother and sometimes he would find himself spending the whole of training talking to Allen and asking him if he remembered what had happened. Allen never answered, but Mana never questioned it. He knew how fussy teenagers could be, so he gave Neah his space. Allen was barking at something now and Mana shook his head, how silly he had been. After so long spent training, his brother would certainly hungry. Mana knew how impatient Allen could be so, with a smile, he excused himself to go get some food for them.
It's okay, Neah, you don't have to thank me. That's what big brothers are for.
He came back to the tent several minutes later and found Allen gone, making the tent seem cold and lifeless. Mana pouted for a minute before slowly settling in to eat his own food, gently setting Allen's off to the side. Neah was always running off like that, running around with his friends and such. But he would always come back, he had promised Mana that he would come back and so Mana would be content to wait until then.
Somewhere outside, a young orphan was meeting his namesake.
The next day as Mana was coming back from his last show for the night, he watched as several other clowns glared at him before going back to their conversations. Mana ignored them as he always did and kept walking like Neah told him to. Mana didn't really like talking to people. They asked too many uncomfortable questions he didn't know, or didn't want to know, the answers to. But he did love performing. It was something he had always done and, hopefully, would always do. He liked how he could say such powerful things without ever opening his mouth and how it always made the audience happy. But their praise was nothing compared to Neah's small hands applauding Mana's every move.
Where had that boy run off to again?
The thought drifted away again as a familiar voice came from the other side of his tent, Mana started.
"Neah?" He asked, his hands shaking and his lip quivering, had Neah really come back to him? After so many long years, had Neah returned like he had promised? The light voice paused a moment before entering. It was a young boy, perhaps around 9 or 10 with dirty, reddish brown hair tied in a messy ponytail.
"Uh no, I'm just bringing your food." The kid answered gruffly, turning his head to the side and holding out the plate. Mana's jumbled senses snapped back into place as he shakily grabbed the plate.
"Oh dear, I'm sorry," he found himself whispering in his cheerful tone. "I thought you were someone else." The boy looked down at his dirty feet and without another word scampered out of the tent leaving Mana holding the plate and staring at the place the little boy had previously occupied.
A tear made its way down his face without his notice, smearing his makeup. Neah, Neah had finally come back. It didn't matter that his Neah was taller, older and a lot cleaner than this kid. It didn't matter that this kid looked nothing like his brother or that his mannerisms were the opposite of the soft and sophisticated way Neah had carried himself. He could just tell, as his older brother, Mana could practically hear Neah calling out to him.
And now he had finally come home.
DGMDGMDGM
Mana Walker watched as his new charge slept peacefully on his makeshift bed. He didn't remember Neah ever sleeping so soundly, but now wasn't the time to think about that. Mana achingly rubbed his head where he had been hit after the attack, the Akuma attack, something faraway whispered inside of his head. He brushed all of this off; Neah needed his attention more right now. But still, he thought quietly, allowing his mind to stray to the things he was so terribly afraid off.
To the dark demons that had ravaged his circus.
The fat man with the wide grin and his brother's blood on his hands.
The red haired priest with the giant revolver who had caused him to feel oh so alone.
But such thoughts, as with everything else in Mana Walker's life, just slipped away. He gently put his hand out to rest it atop the boy's head, but pulled back at the last moment. Neah didn't remember him. Earlier that day, when he had spoken to Neah for the second time over Allen's dead body, the boy had given him a look of anger and later sadness, but none of recognition. Mana set his hand back in his lap and continued to watch the small boy's chest rise and fall slowly. That didn't matter, Neah was here now and everything else would come with time. He would help Neah remember who he was and maybe, just maybe, Neah could help him find himself again. Neah was always good at helping people like that.
Despite Neah being the younger brother, Mana had always been impressed by his bravery and kindness. When Neah had disappeared, Mana had found himself sorely missing those little habits. That sweet, polite smile coupled with his humbled speech. It had seemed in those long and lonely days when the dog wouldn't talk back that Mana could bring a little bit of Neah back with those same gestures. Mana smiled again and slowly patted the boy's back as he had done when Neah was little, causing him to stir and open his silver eyes. He rubbed at his eyes in a way that was so adorable, Mana couldn't help but coo. Neah frowned and brushed off his hand.
"I'm sorry to have woken you; you just looked so cute sleeping like that." Neah blushed and said that he wasn't cute and Mana could only smile. His time away had made Neah very coarse, but no matter, Neah would soon be back to normal and life would continue on as it always had.
"So Allen, would you like some dinner?"
Marian Cross
Marian Cross, exorcist General for the Black Order, had spent much of his youth dreaming of his bright and wonderful future saving the world alongside his friends. In his worst, more horrendous nightmares, he had never imagined his adult life could ever be as bad as it was now. Thirty five years, thirty five fucking long years had passed since he'd been happy, since he'd had friends, since his life had anything that vaguely resembled meaning. Sometimes he wished that one night he'd end up drinking just a little too much or he would finally be overcome in battle, but for some reason, Cross just kept on living and only a dead man's promise kept him from turning his well-worn weapon on himself.
So time passed as it occasionally has a tendency to do. It passed, as far as Cross was concerned, too fast and too damn slow at the same time. Hadn't it been only been yesterday when he had held Lizzy's soft hands in his own, pushed away Maria's wandering ones or had cheerfully ruffled Neah's unruly hair? Or had it really been the thirty odd years his body felt every day?
Whatever, don't think about it, have another drink, wait for Neah to come back.
During those awful, agonizing, loathsome times when Cross did not have enough liquor to drink himself into a drunken stupor, he thought of his wonderful and oh so painful memories and he thought of things he'd really rather not be thinking about.
He thought of finally burying Maria and putting his guilt behind him once and for all.
He thought of what he would do should his superiors, and he used that word loosely, discover his connection to the Noah.
Mostly he thought about what he would do should he actually find Neah's reincarnation.
He rubbed his aching temples as he did the walk he guiltily forced himself to make at least once or twice a year. He ambled slightly off balance -he never could do this thing completely sober after all- toward the shining circus tent which stood as a gleaming testament to his failure. The tent was different every time he saw Mana, but the cold weight settling onto the General's shoulders was the same as it always was.
To see a man he had once consider a friend and a supporter lose his mind a little more each year.
To see a face long dead stare back at him as he wondered with morbid fascination if Neah would've looked like that had he the chance to see as many years.
Timcanpy fluttered alongside him and plopped contently onto his shoulder. Cross brought his hand up to delicately stroke the golem's nearest wing as he'd done since the creature's inception. As much as it hurt to have a permanent reminder of his past constantly following him around, he couldn't let go of the damned thing he and Neah had slaved over just like he couldn't let go of Maria.
Shit, don't go there, not now.
A few questions later and he found himself in front of Mana's tent, nervously twiddling with Judgment, trying to think of any excuse to postpone this misery. He wouldn't have much time as the man would be performing soon, which suited Cross just fine. Just because he had to keep an eye on Mana didn't mean he had to mommy the idiot man. He respected Mana too much to watch him be degraded into something so disgraceful. Still, Cross resolved once again to never make so damning a promise to someone.
It was harder to drink himself into forgetfulness if he had to keep chasing after ghosts.
He never went in and actually spoke to Mana, no, that would be too difficult for the both of them. He always hovered on the outside of the tent, just long enough to assure himself that Mana was alive and relatively well. He was about to turn away, satisfied to find his friend's brother still breathing, when the sound of a child's laugher stopped him cold. Even Timcanpy reacted to the light, melodious sound, flapping his wings wildly, but Cross held him down with what little motor control he had left. No, he thought with dim panic, it can't possibly be.
"You fell down you idiot, why do stay in the circus if you suck so much?" asked the young voice again and Cross's shoulder's relaxed just a fragment. The voice was different and Neah would never speak to anyone, much less Mana, in such a rude fashion, but still Cross couldn't dismiss the chilly feeling making it's way up his spine. That small burst of laughter had set off bells he hadn't heard in thirty five years.
"You know why Allen. I am looking for my brother; he went away for a little bit so I have to travel around so that I may find him again. I really think you would like my brother, you two would get on very well." Came Mana's light voice filled with more hope and exuberance than Cross had heard in a very long time. He took a step backwards and then another and then he ran as fast as he could. He ran until he was far away from the circus, until his abused body couldn't go any further, until that damn laugh, so familiar and yet so different had finally stopped echoing in his head. He slumped against the nearest tree and greedily took deep, gasping breaths.
He brought his hand up to push his thick hair from his face and found it was shaking. Christ he was jumpy, and for what? There was probably nothing to worry about. Tim flew in circles over his head, making Cross feel even dizzier as the world came into focus again. He didn't know what to do. He had always said he would find Neah again, but it had been thirty five years. He was starting to believe that Neah wouldn't come back at all. The cold air did not answer him and did nothing but burn his raw throat.
So what the fuck was he supposed to do now?
He slowly sank to the ground, watching his breath mist in the chill December air. He used to feel guilty about this, about his life, but eventually that had passed as he let himself become quite the bastard. Bastards didn't feel guilt after all, so it had seemed the logical conclusion to keep his sanity. His breathing evened out a little more as he began to calm down. He frowned thoughtfully. He wasn't as spiritual as the others had been, but he had always believed that he had survived for a reason. And it certainly wasn't to be a lazy General for a corrupt Order.
If this kid really was in fact Neah, then Cross had to do something about it. And what of Mana? He frowned and pulled his coat tighter as the winter air finally caught up to him. The fact that Mana had the kid, if he really was Neah, was disturbing. If Mana were all there, Cross would slap him on the back and wipe his hands of matter and find the nearest bar to forget his memories. But with Mana as he was now, who knows what sort of messed up ideas he'd put into that kid's head? And if he was meant for something more, then Neah certainly wasn't supposed to come back as a nut job clown either.
"I'm going to find my way back to Mana somehow and we'll be together again." A ghostly voice from long ago whispered in his head. He rubbed his temples, upset by the fact that this evening was rustling up a whole bunch of stuff he'd rather not remember. He sighed and slowly lifted himself off the ground, making his way over to nearby tavern for some mind numbing booze and a place to stay the next few nights. Really, it wouldn't kill him to confirm his suspicions would it?
DGMDGMDGM
The boy was good; Cross had to admit watching the kid balance on a ball with natural ease.
That didn't, however, mean that Cross was any more comfortable around him. His shoulders were tense watching the hesitant smile form on the kid's face as people dropped coins into his hat. The sense of familiarity, the desire to be with the kid was too disconcerting and it was giving him a headache that had nothing to do with tremendous hangover he'd woken up to this morning. It had taken surprisingly long to find the kid again, it turned out there were tons of orphan kids running around the circus and Cross had been too unnerved to get a good look at the brat in Mana's tent. It had taken him almost two days to find the kid who followed Mana around which led to disturbing feeling number two.
The kid had fucking Innocence in his fucking arm.
As if being the reincarnation of a goddamned Noah wasn't bad enough, the kid had to be a goddamned exorcist too, thus the pounding headache. Normally he'd have taken the boy, tossed him to the nearest finder and been on his merry way satisfied that he was at least pretending to do his job. But this was different.
The kid was Neah; Cross was absolutely certain of it, as certain as his hair was red and that his head ever motherfucking hurt. If asked to explain why, he couldn't find the words. The kid looked completely different, spoke different, walked differently, and could not have been more unlike the smiling and refined guy Cross had loved like a brother if he had tried. But still the feeling persisted, the little things Cross paid close attention to, the light shrug of the shoulders, the occasional smile and those damned familiar silver eyes that had brought him comfort and happiness so long ago.
Cross should take him far away from here. He should take the brat under his wing as an exorcist and train him for the Order while he prepared his brain for whenever Neah decided to come out. But he just couldn't. He was getting goose bumps just standing near the kid, and he couldn't even imagine training him. Not to mention the fact that he didn't train anyone. As a General, technically he was required to find and train exorcists, but Tiedoll was such a goddamn saint taking them all in and Cross just really couldn't care less about kids or their problems. He had his own problems to worry about without thinking of some snot-nosed brat's
Or that's what he told himself anyway, it certainly wasn't because he was afraid of getting even marginally close to anyone again at risk of once again being alone. That would require a heart and that had been stolen a long time ago by the Millennium Earl. Being a bastard had its occasional benefits.
The kid, Allen he believes Mana had called him, smiled as another coin was thrown in his hat and Cross felt his spine shiver. It was unnatural to see that smile again and Cross would have no part of it. He'd watched out for Mana all these years because Neah had thought Mana would be alone. Well now he's got his brother's reincarnated spirit to pal around with so Cross wasn't really needed anymore.
He rolled his cigarette to the other side of his mouth as he continued to watch, not liking the uncomfortable feeling settling in his gut. Well, bastard or not he wasn't sure he was alright leaving his best friend's soul in the hands of a delusional clown. Even he had to have some limits. His feet taking on a mind of their own, he found him standing in front of the boy whose wide, silver eyes bore into him with a guilty vengeance. He briefly wondered if he could afford the amount of liquor it would take to forget this entire episode.
"What's your name kid?" He asked to the startled kid who instead tried to ignore him and turned away. Cross growled under his breath, Neah always had to make things hard, didn't he? "I asked you your damn name kid, is it Allen?" The kid finally looked up at him and Cross felt as if thirty years had just fallen away. The moment passed and the kid, the host necessary for Neah's resurrection, slowly shook his head. Cross breathed the glorious smoke into his lungs and dug into his coat for a coin, if he was going to leave the damn kid alone, he might as make sure he had enough money to live on. This kid, Allen, had to live long enough for Neah to be reborn. Besides, he wasn't a half bad clown.
"Don't get too close to Mana Walker." He said, quickly turning and walking away as fast as he could. It wasn't much, but it was something at least. Maybe the kid could enjoy what little time he had left before he lost his soul to the demon lurking inside of him. Cross buried his hands deep into his pockets, trying not to imagine the horrific future that awaited that poor little bastard as he walked away.
Though a small part of him wanted to turn around and spend a little more time with the kid, but in the end he just kept on walking because he could walk away from this. He had to if wanted any hope of staying out of this. He knew better than to get mixed up in the affairs of the Noah family again, next time he might not have the luxury of being able to limp away from the battle. So Marian Cross walked away, his golem reluctantly flying after him leaving Allen and Mana Walker to themselves. Well mostly, the fact that no Akuma after that first night ever got within eyesight of the two was purely coincidence.
Because Marian Cross was, above all else, a bastard and bastards simply did not care anymore.
DGMDGMDGM
It's too soon, Cross thought kneeling down to the ground, it's too damn soon. He didn't want to be here, he really wished he were anywhere but here right now. But Mana's death couldn't be ignored and the crying kid even less so. Three years, three goddamned years Cross had been running from this, from this moment he knew had been coming since he's first laid eyes on that damned kid.
Neah was coming back and he'd be coming back into this brat and taking from this poor kid his life and his body. It made him sick just thinking about. Neah would never have wanted something like this to happen, he never would have allowed another person to be hurt at his expense. Cross grit his teeth, why did he have to deal with this? Hadn't he been through enough shit in his life? He wanted to ask Neah, but the kid was crying and Cross didn't he'd be much help anyways.
Goddamned kid.
He didn't want to go through this, not again, he'd watched Neah die once and he certainly didn't want to see this fucking kid die. Not because he liked him or anything, it just wasn't fair was all. Cross had been doing a fine job of running away. He'd ditched headquarters and had just recently been given a legitimate excuse to stay away for a while. The powers that be had decided he should be given a near impossible mission to find the Earl's Akuma factory, most likely just to get him the hell out of headquarters. Fine by him really, he could milk that one out for years if he wanted to.
He'd been watching Mana and the newly christened Allen Walker – with a name like that, maybe Mana wasn't as out there as he'd previously thought- for a while now, watching as he grew to be more like Neah every day and things had been just fine like that. Mana was happy, Allen would be happy until the Noah appeared and Cross was happy to be far, far away from it all. And then Tim had to ruin it all by rushing back to tell him that Mana had died and that Neah was all alone.
Allen, Allen was all alone.
Well of course, Cross had to come back and make sure the damn kid didn't kill himself and put thirty years down the drain. And good thing he hadn't gotten there a moment later 'cause the stupid kid had actually summoned the Millennium Earl to resurrect Mana.
Fucking hell, he'd never been closer to a heart attack then seeing the Earl so close to Ne-Allen. Cross had considered intervening, doing something, anything, to save the kid from the inevitable fate of all those who call upon the Earl. But as soon as it had started, it was over. The Earl had disappeared in a puff of smoke; Mana's Akuma was destroyed by the kid's parasitic Innocence and now the damned kid crying. When Cross didn't have a crying kid to deal with he'll think about why the Earl had spared Allen. Had he, like Cross, sensed the familiarity lying just below surface? Fuck that, he'll think about it later when he was drinking.
But the kid…
He knew what he had to do, finally after all these years. He understood why he had been spared the same fate as his friends, knew how to fulfill the promise he had made to the people he still loved even after so long. All he had to do was say it. He swallowed the lump in his throat as the kid looked up at him through the nasty cut on his right eye that had Cross wondering if the kid recognized him. Somewhere in there, Neah was watching and waiting. He reminded himself that he wasn't doing this for himself or even for the goddamned kid; he was doing this for Neah.
"You wanna become an exorcist?"
DGMDGMDGM
"Master, wait up!" Cross did not yield, if anything, he walked faster. Maybe if he walked fast enough, the damn kid would really leave. But the kid, his apprentice, had the advantage of youth and soon caught up, trailing just slightly behind him with the expression of a beaten puppy. His cigarette hung limply from his mouth as he glared down as the much shorter kid- Cross would not deny the satisfaction he felt at finally being taller than Neah- wandered a little closer to his side.
Ever since he'd gotten the kid out of his stupor a few weeks ago at Mother's house, the clingy brat just wouldn't leave him alone. Everywhere he went, the kid just trailed behind, taking every abuse Cross had to throw at him calmly and quietly, just like Neah would have.
Christ, he needed a drink.
Cross hadn't really decided on how to train him, Cross wasn't exactly what you would call 'teacher material' unlike Tiedoll who was determined to save the fucking world. Maybe if he let the kid follow him around, he'll pick up on the important stuff and when he was marginally trained, Cross could drop him off at headquarters and wait for Neah to emerge and figure out what to do from there.
"Master where are we going?" Cross said nothing and resisted the urge to smack him if only because it would require him taking his hands out of his pockets and that was too much damn effort this early in the morning.
"This way, now shut up." The kid was quiet for a moment before looking up again.
"Are there Akuma over there, is that why we're walking this way?" Cross felt his left eye twitch in a manner he hadn't experienced since Tiedoll last tried to throw him a birthday party. How did the man put up with all these kids and their damn stupid questions? Tim flew between them, unsurprisingly protective to the boy who would one day turn into his master. Cross once again did not hit him because then he would have to face Tim's wrath and he'd had his ear chewed on enough these last few years thank you very much.
"Sure, whatever, now shut up." Couldn't the damn brat keep quiet for one minute? At least Neah knew how to be quiet every now and again. The kid frowned.
"When are we going to stop and eat Master? I'm hungry." Cross wanted to sigh and beat the kid senseless. How hungry could such a small kid be? He just ate enough food to feed a small army not an hour before. A thought, half forgotten, floated through his head. Maria had been that way as well a long time ago when she had been capable of enjoying food. Parasitic types, he remembered, burned through energy more quickly and therefore required more food to fuel their Innocence. The thought of the kid sharing Maria's trait kept Cross from smacking him.
"We're outside; you can have anything you want out here." The face Allen made at the thought was pretty damn amusing and Cross almost smiled. The not smile disappeared quickly and he picked up his pace again causing the kid to chase after him once more.
Neah, his name was Neah. Allen was just a temporary name given to him by a dead man.
That's what Marian Cross told himself as he and his newfound apprentice kept moving forward, but not once that day did Cross ever lay a hand on the boy except to drop Timcanpy onto his head. It wasn't like he cared, he just had to get through this apprenticeship and wait for Neah to return. The kid next to him giggled a little as Tim settled more comfortably into his white hair. Kid looked pretty happy right then not knowing what awaited his future, it was almost sickening to watch. Cross frowned again and kept on walking all the while wondering what he would do when he reached his final destination. Cross didn't have an answer and only growled as he continued forward, his young apprentice and Tim right behind him.
Neah had better get here real fucking soon because there was no way in hell he was going soft, not again.
The Earl and the Noah
Tyki Mikk slowly exhaled the smoke from his lungs, enjoying the patterns it made in the stagnant air.
God he loved smoking.
He raked his eyes lazily over his surroundings as he took another long drag. The Noah were, as usual, being total and complete morons. But that was okay, they were family and they were allowed to act as ridiculous as they wanted. As the Earl came in and took his seat at the head of the table, Tyki sighed and reluctantly ground his cigarette into the ashtray. He knew better than to test the Earl's patience on things like etiquette. He didn't really care about all that fancy stuff, but he knew the rules. To the Earl, their dinners were sacred above all else.
As the other Noah greeted the Earl, Tyki let his eyes wander over the table again. He was still getting used to all of this Noah stuff, but the most bothering aspect of the whole ordeal was that whenever he looked at the Noah, it felt like he was seeing double, like he was expecting to see someone else there in their place. The Earl told him that it was normal, that it was just the previous Noah's memory settling and coming to grips with its new life and memories. Tyki just hoped that it would end soon and that it would take the unexplained heartache with it.
And so, the 12 members of the Noah clan and their patriarch began their Friday night dinner as always.
Or was it 13?
There was something wrong about that too, he had questioned the other Noah, but they either didn't know what he was talking about or would curtly brush him off. Worse, Rhode got this sad expression on her face and told him not to think about it. And dammit he certainly was trying, but the uneasiness refused to go away. He pushed his food around on his plate and wondered what his friends, what his human friends, were doing. The Earl had not liked them, it had startled Tyki how much the Earl had not liked them. Only the assurance that he wasn't attached to the humans in any way and that he only used them to kill time kept them alive. It had been the first and hopefully the last lie he would ever tell to the Earl.
Tyki had lived the majority of his life as a regular human, so he couldn't understand the Earl's problem with him keeping a few acquaintances outside of the family. But of course Tyki wouldn't ask. If the look on his Lord's face when the topic was broached was any indication, he really didn't want to know the answer. He rubbed his head wearily as his Inner Noah continued to whisper in his head. He didn't understand half of what the damn thing was saying, but the French accent was really starting to piss him off.
As he made light conversation with Sheril, he tried to push away the foreboding feeling in the back of his head, like he was missing something important, like there was something he should be remembering. Or someone. Unbeknownst to the Noah of Pleasure, the others would occasionally have similar thoughts in their heads which were immediately ignored and forgotten until something triggered it again.
Lulu Bell quietly ate her soup, pointedly ignoring the company around her. They weren't important, she would tell herself, all that mattered was serving her Master. A half remembered mania would seize her as she vowed to always do the best to serve her Lord and never let anything stand between him and his goals ever again. Though for the life of her, she could never quite pin down what it was that had impeded him in the past.
But whatever it was, she was determined not to let it happen again.
Sheril, as he teasingly ruffled Tyki's curly hair, did not think about it all that often. He had just been appointed minister of a country and was soon thinking of getting married, just for the hell of it, so he really didn't have time to think about such silly things.
On the occasion his thoughts did stray to the past, to Noah's past, he would feel a dirty, unquenchable rage and pain. Such feelings would be brushed aside with a cough and a smile. He couldn't have that; that was Skinn's job after all. So he would just smile and love in his own suffocating way, not imagining where his newfound love had come from.
Skinn angrily stabbed his steak and growled with distaste. Why did they try to give him this? Why couldn't they just give him something sweet? He growled some more and vented his rage on a nearby Akuma servant as he demanded for something with lots of sugar in it. He only half listened to the others as they joked and teased causing a dull anger to beat in his temples. They didn't understand, none of them did. They didn't know what it felt like to really hate. It burned deep within, a hatred not just born of blood, but of painful experience. The mere thought of Innocence was enough to send him into a berserker rage.
It wasn't just instinct, it was personal.
The next exorcist he saw, he would mutilate and tear apart and destroy. It was thoughts like these that would temporarily quell his fury. He then ferociously dug into his ice cream, his natural hatred gelling with the instinctual hatred of Noah. He couldn't exactly remember why he hated Innocence as much as he did, but it was there and it was real and he would never, ever forgive it.
Jasdero and Devit pushed each other, laughing and pointing their guns at one another gaily. They continued like that until Jasdero got his long hair tangled in Devit's fork. Devit could only sigh and make fun of the damn idiot, but helped him untangle his hair anyway.
It was the way it had always been.
Once there had been a time, longer than any of the current Noah cared to remember, the Noah of Bonds had been different as night and day, two sides of the same twisted coin, the calm and the crazy split between two bodies. But life had shown them that separation was dangerous, it had shown them the horrific possible consequences if they weren't connected in every single way... they could possibly lose each other like they had so long ago.
There were nights where one or the other would wake from sleep, the horrible feeling of solitude beating loudly in their temples and they would cuddle closer to their other half. In the morning it would be forgotten, but Noah would always remember that searing feeling of watching the other die, of watching loneliness take hold.
Rhode would smile and laugh along with the others, just enjoying their presence, just happy to see them here and alive after so many years. It wasn't quite right, she thought, seeing Amora as a flirtatious young man instead of a brutal woman or observing Lulu Bell's sleek blonde hair so different from Analyse's curly black locks, but that was alright. Anything was better than the long and terribly lonely years where it was just she and Earl at this big table, their forks clinking silently on their plates as they waited for their family to come back.
All of this chaos was better than the insufferable silence that had prevailed in Edo for so long.
It was during these loud periods that she could retreat inward and wonder the traitorous thoughts that would occasionally keep her awake at night. She would wonder if Neah had reincarnated yet, where he was and what he looked like now. Did he still remember her? Did he still plan on destroying the Earl? What would she do if she saw him again? Who would she choose this time, had she the choice? Her brother or her Lord?
Her eyes wandered over to the Earl and she would frown with a bitterness that did not suit her youthful appearance, well she didn't need Neah. Neah had betrayed them, stolen her family from her, why would she ever betray her Lord who had cared so much for her all these years for the brother who had abandoned her? So she would then smile just a little brighter and chat with her newfound family, not once questioning her loyalties.
That is until a certain white-haired exorcist with very familiar eyes came along.
The Millennium Earl, the bringer of darkness and the destruction of the human race, had come close to dying at the hands of his youngest and most trusted Noah.
It was a mistake, one he did not plan on repeating again in the future. These new Noah were well trained, he had not coddled any of them, he had not let any of their weak human emotions overtake them and he kept a careful eye on them all to ensure that none would step out of line as Neah had. In a few years, they would be sent out into the world to battle the exorcists openly so he could cultivate their hatred and ensure that no Noah would go where Neah had.
The ugly scar in his stomach burned at the thought of his brother, now long dead, but who lived on eternally in his memories. Soon, very soon, the 14th Noah would be reborn and the Earl was determined have him once and for all. He would find that child as soon as he could and purge him of all the things that made the previous 14th so traitorous. The Earl smiled broadly, giving his eldest daughter a knowing grin, very soon indeed.
But as the years passed and he continued the cold war, he grew frustrated by Neah's lack of appearance. He should have reincarnated by now and yet the Earl could find no traces of him. The Earl spent many hours deep in concentration, searching the world for any trace of his youngest Noah. But there was none to be found. It had never occurred to the Earl during those long hours of searching that Innocence in Neah's new body had corrupted his Inner Noah and prevented him from being found. No, Noah simply were not born into exorcists' bodies. But then again, Noah also did not betray the Millennium Earl.
So he, like Mana Walker and Marian Cross, contented himself to wait. And it was as he patiently waited, playing with his dolls and planning his victory that the 14th did indeed reincarnate and was already well on his way on his path toward the Earl's destruction. It had not dawned on him the depth of his brother's hatred for him until he caught the first few glimpses of Neah hidden within Allen Walker, an exorcist who bore a grudge against him for the death of one Mana Walker.
Mana Walker, the same man who had stolen Neah from him in the first place.
Somewhere, the 14th was laughing as he once again slipped just out of the Earl's reach.
Neah Walker
Neah Walker wasn't really alive in the technical sense of the word, but everything that had made him who he was still lived on in one Allen Walker.
That was how the genes of Noah worked, they overrode their current host's DNA and fitted the personality so that by the time the host became aware of themselves as a human, they were already on their way to becoming a fully awakened Noah. So after being reunited with Mana, the little bits of Neah slowly started to leak out of Allen to the delight and dismay of those who had known him in his previous life.
The sweet and encouraging words combined with the ever present smile, the ability to love without fail and those hauntingly familiar eyes that made it very hard to dislike the young boy soon to be exorcist soon to be Noah. But there were differences as well; differences General Cross had ensured were there in order to delay the 14th's awakening. Not because he cared for the annoying brat who followed him around or anything, he had just decided it was just too damn soon for Neah to awaken. Allen was honest and not as comfortable with lying as Neah had been. He was also unwilling to stoop to the blood ridden levels Neah had in those final, desperate days. Noah or not, he believed that they were still human and were just as deserving of salvation. His boundless determination to succeed at whatever he did was one of the things that characterized him as Allen Walker and separated from Neah Walker, who had spent many years just drifting in his opinions.
His friends would later remark that such qualities really didn't fit with Allen's overall disposition. Little did they know that such odd deviations had only made it more difficult for his Inner Noah to emerge and, in the end, would give Allen a fighting chance against the Noah who wished for his soul. The Noah who lived within Allen would not give up easily though; it had lost the battle once with its previous host because it had thought it could persuade the boy with kind and loving words. This time it was determined to scare the boy into submission, to beat his spirit down and finally achieve its destiny as the ruler of this world.
Nineteen years of nothingness and an additional sixteen dwelling within the recesses of Allen Walker's mind had caused it to forget just how strong the boy could be. When they met face to face for the first time, the Noah remembered the last words Neah had spoken to it and it realized that even after thirty five years, it just might lose this battle again. Some spirits, it seemed, just could not be broken.
So that was how the years went as Allen grew up along with the dark entity residing within him.
He joined the Black Order with high hopes and a bright smile with the feeling that he had been searching his whole life for this place, not knowing that, in a way, he had been. He quickly became settled at the Order, finding the place comfortable despite its bleak halls. If only he could stop himself from getting lost, he would probably enjoy it all the more. The people whom he would later became close with were people he just drifted toward without ever really knowing why.
The Asian girl with a comforting smile and enough love to support Allen through all of his troubles.
The buoyant and eccentric Branch Chief whose love for his adorable charges bordered on paternal.
The clownish young scientist who was dedicated to supporting the weary exorcists in any way he could.
The somber and stoic Japanese swordsman and the intelligent and witty red-headed boy, who despite their vast differences, just seemed to work well together.
People and personalities that Allen had been drawn to, just as Neah had been years before.
The Order embraced Allen Walker for his sweet and charming personality and just a little bit of familiarity. A certain General or two would pause every now and again and just watch the boy and wonder about another silver eyed boy from so long ago who disappeared without a trace.
Allen himself was not completely unaware of the Noah inside him. It was like the ghostly shadow that one can only see out of the corner of their eye. Something that was unknown and unseen, but was always there, lurking just out of sight. Allen would merely smile and shake off the strange, misplaced feelings and memories and try and catch up to his Master who always walked too fast.
It was during these periods that Allen Walker would feel his gaze pulled toward the sky as he tottered after his not-quite-sober Master and think of things he didn't really know. He would think of bright and brilliant emerald eyes and wide smiles, a brusque hug from a quiet and caring red man, the softest color brown he had ever seen and an absolute feeling of love and determination that Allen himself would later find in others.
It was times like these that Allen Walker almost remembers his past and friends with whom he shared it.
Though I know I'll never ever lose affection
For people and things that went before
And I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I've loved you more
In my life I've loved you more. ~ The Beatles
Well what a jolly good time that was! I actually like this epilogue; I think I did a fairly good job connecting my past to the present and so on and so forth. So this is the end of the story! The only real note I have is for Mana and Cross's stories, they make many references to the DGM reverse volume three Lost Fragments in the Snow. I think it'd be easiest just to go to the DGM Wiki like I did if you have any further questions on that. Whew, I can't believe I actually did this, I mean there was a point I wasn't sure if this story would be written, finished or put up on here but I'm very glad I did. It was (most of the time) a joy to write and I'm once again really excited about writing. For you Detective Conan fans out there, I'm planning the doozy to end all doozies, a story that ends the eighteen year old manga X_X Please, a little luck might be nice if you all have some to spare.
But seriously, this project was very much a part of my life for so long and while I'm glad to see it reach its conclusion, I'm also a little sad. Thank you reviewers and readers alike for your comments and your patronage, it's nice to know that all the nights I spent furiously typing on my laptop were not for naught :P I take my hat off to all of you for being such a beautiful audience. I'd also like to thank my Timcanpy doll who sat on my head for inspiration and my giraffe dolls who were soft and cuddly when plots were hard to come by. Hmm am I forgetting anyone else... oh yes, I suppose I must mention my beta, Going Sideways. Thank you for the hours I stole from you on Skype, for putting up with all my confusing ideas and sentences and for correcting all the mistakes I missed whilst my eyes were bleeding. I look forward to working with you again on IY!
Alright kiddos thank you again and I will see one last time on Tuesday the 4th...
Wait what!? Yes you read that right! As a special little treat, I have a short little goodbye present for all of you. This is for the people who were sad when the characters were killed off one by one. Nothing really important to the overall story, just a happy little what if for all you dreamers out there :)
In My Life (c) is owned by The Beatles