Two chapters today, as I won't be able to post tomorrow!
*****
The interior of the pub is a sweltering mass of bodies and it takes them some time to get to the bar. Ianto feels his resolve wavering as they press through the crowd, his ears assaulted by harsh music; nose twitching at the mingled sweat and perfumes; eyes dazzled by the bizarre hairdos and facial jewellery of the punters. He leans into Sean's ear, shouts that he's heading outside and hands him a tenner to cover the round. Sean nods as Ianto points at the beer garden sign over the open back door.
"Yeah, I could do with a smoke. Find us a table?"
The "garden" is almost as busy as the pub, a drab patio packed with smokers and raucous with laughter. The music is quieter here, thankfully, although the air quality is not much better. Ianto sidles through the groups of chattering people, scanning the tables for anyone about to leave. Eventually he gets lucky and manages to be standing by a table as two teenage girls in black ripped clothing get up from the benches. Waiting for Sean, he glares at anyone who looks like they might want to fill the empty seats, then remembers he's meant to be out on the pull. Trouble is, he doesn't really feel like it any more. Scanning the crowd, he's hard pushed to find anyone he finds even remotely attractive, male or female. He gets a few appraising gazes himself, mostly from young women who give him flirtatious smiles. His breath hitches for a moment as he spots a dark haired, well built man in a long grey coat. But then the man turns and the face is all wrong: bearded and decorated with with rings through the nose, eyebrows and lower lip. Shuddering, Ianto wonders what all that metal would feel like against his skin, and unbidden memories flood back of some of the more intimate body piercings of the men who'd picked him up back in London.
"You alright, mate? Sorry that took so long. Got chatting to a couple of really fit girls. Reckon they'll come out and join us in a bit. Hope you don't mind."
"Why would I mind?" Ianto asks, glad to have his reverie broken. He takes his pint of lager and smiles at the confused expression on Sean's face as he works out how to answer.
"Uh, well, just thought it might cramp your style as you're not into girls n' all that."
Sighing, Ianto ponders how much of himself he wants to reveal to this gauche young man. "I'm not gay, Sean. I know you might find this hard to believe, but I've had girlfriends."
The look on Sean's face is comical as he assimilates this new piece of information. "But, I just assumed... I mean... Er... You act like..."
Ianto decides to rescue him from saying something stupid. "I'm bi, Sean. I swing both ways. Get the best of both worlds, supposedly," or the worst of both in my case. "You need to think more carefully before jumping to conclusions."
"Oh god, sorry mate, I fucked up big time, didn't I?" Sean seems genuinely contrite, and Ianto curses himself for being so touchy. He doesn't want to alienate his only friend.
"It's not your fault. I'm just pissed off about something else. An assumption someone made about me. Didn't mean to take it out on you." He looks up into the green eyes, which are studying him intently.
"Was it Jack?"
Annoyed at the blunt question and where the conversation might lead, Ianto looks down at the table, spying Sean's pack of tobacco. "Do you mind if I have a rollie?" he asks, not really wanting to smoke but needing a distraction.
"Didn't think you smoked," Sean says, pushing the pack of Drum towards him.
"Haven't done for years," since Lisa made me give up. "Feel like being a bit naughty for a change."
"Yeah, well, you're dressed for it," Sean comments, a mischievous smile curving his lips as he stares at Ianto's neck.
Ianto feels himself start to blush, and tries to distract himself by concentrating on spreading out tobacco on the rizla. He can sense that Sean is still watching him, which makes his fingers clumsy so that shreds of tobacco fall everywhere when he attempts to roll the cigarette.
"Here, let me," Sean says, reaching over and taking the crumpled paper from Ianto's grasp. Their fingertips brush together and Ianto starts at the unexpected contact.
"So what's it like, then?" Sean asks, deftly assembling a fresh roll-up.
Oh, here we go. What every supposedly heterosexual man always wants to know after a few beers... "What's what like?"
"You know: being with a man." He hands Ianto the cigarette, then offers his lighter, holding it lit so that Ianto has to lean over the table towards him.
Drawing in the cloying smoke, Ianto wonders how best to respond. He remembers only too clearly some of the remarks and personal questions made by his colleagues in London after he'd been spotted leaving a particularly notorious pub with a rather friendly man. He examines Sean, but can't see any hint of malice in the curious eyes; those dazzling green eyes set in that finely sculpted face. A possibility springs to mind, and Ianto finds himself smirking.
"Well, there's really only one way to find out, if you're that curious," he suggests, raising an eyebrow and fixing Sean with a gaze he hopes is smouldering rather than desperate.
Now it's Sean's turn to blush. He looks down, seemingly absorbed in rolling another cigarette and mutters, "No, I don't reckon I'm that curious after all." He avoids Ianto's gaze for a few moments longer, before looking at him intently. "Ianto, what's the deal with you and Jack? In fact, what's the deal with you? I'm confused, 'cause you say you've only been at Torchwood for a couple of months, yet there's all these records of you going back before that."
Taking another deep drag of the roll-up, and coughing it out again instantly, Ianto decides that he may as well fill Sean in. It's too draining to keep secrets from people you have to spend so much time with. So he tells Sean of his abduction by Jack, giving the outline of what he has since discovered about the relationship between his parallel self and their boss, without going into any of the more intimate details. He finds himself growing amused by the shocked expression on Sean's face, and pauses to enjoy it.
"No way! You're from another world! That is so fucking amazing. That's proper science fiction, that is."
Ianto chuckles. "What we do for a living is proper science fiction too. You needn't sound so shocked."
"So what's it like in your universe?" Sean's eyes shine so brightly that it's a shame to have to let him down.
"Just the same as this one I'm afraid. Only difference being, as far as I can tell, that in this one I got a job with Torchwood and met Jack." He chews his lower lip for a moment, thinking about Jack and what it would have been like to have met him a few years earlier.
"God, poor sod. This must be so bloody weird for him. No wonder he's mooning around after you. You know he stalks you on the CCTV, don't you?"
Ianto tenses, his breath catching in his throat. "He does?"
"Yeah, all the time. He thinks he's covering his traces but I'm too good for him." A smug smile fleets across Sean's face before it falls into a more serious expression. "He must be having a total nightmare. I remember at school I was going out with an identical twin. It was like torture 'cause I fancied both sisters but they weren't up for a threesome or anything. And although the twin was a different person in some ways, they were just so bloody similar it used to blow my mind. Used to keep wondering what it would be like if I'd chosen the other one in the first place."
This unexpected sympathy for Jack's plight gives Ianto a sharp stab of guilt. Has he been unfair? Expected too much from the man? He feels something tight loosen inside him, and all of a sudden feels tears start to form in his eyes. He sniffs loudly, blinking rapidly and blaming it on the cigarette when Sean asks if he's alright.
Fortunately for Ianto, at this point the two girls arrive, sitting down next to him and Sean. He tries to pay attention to the inconsequential babble, but finds his mind drifting to thoughts of more congenial company. Masculine company. After a few minutes he downs the rest of his pint and stands.
"You going to the bar?" Sean asks, not taking his eyes off the voluptuous brunette next to him.
"No, I'm not feeling so good. Sorry ladies," he shakes hands with the two girls who seem bemused by his manners. "I'll see you at work tomorrow, Sean."
As he reaches the door leading back into the pub Ianto looks back. The two girls are now sitting on either side of Sean, who has his arms round both of them, a satisfied grin lighting up his face. The cosy scene disturbs him, stirring up that dangerous hunger again. Ianto turns to leave, suddenly desperate for different company. He has something quite specific in mind, and as he finally breaks free of the crowded interior his steps speed up. There's somewhere he needs to be.