My make-up was finished, my hair was in braids, and I was wearing my costume. I was Marguerite in form, but my soul was still my own.
Erik watched me from the mirror, and when the lady assisting me left, I hastened over to him, struck with a sudden idea. The mirror opened, and he came over to me, confused at why I was clasping my hands together, giddy.
"Erik, I know I promised to save the kiss for the wedding," I told him. "But I'm going to give it to you now, for I am too happy to wait!"
I reached up for his face, his horrible face, and pulled it to my lips. Death was in my hands, cold and repulsive, but I pressed my lips to him and let them rest there, soft and warm against him.
Then I withdrew, and Erik entwined himself about my legs, weeping quietly.
"I need to go now," I told him. "I shall see you after the performance."
He nodded, hesitating to release me.
"I shall give my soul to you tonight," I told him passionately. "And my heart as well!"
"And I shall listen with rapture, my Christine, my dear, sweet Christine."
He went behind the mirror, and when I was sure he had left to find a place to listen to the performance at, I picked up Ginger and took her into the ballet girls dressing room. I had to be stealthy about it, but as I hastily fled to the stage, I heard a chorus of delighted 'aw's, and I knew that Ginger had been saved.
Now only I was left.
But I would be my own salvation.
The opera began, and I became Marguerite. My heart became hers, and I felt a sharp pang as Siebel and Faust toyed with it, and the devil mocked us with laughter. My voice was a wail as I lamented my pain, as I cried out, horrified that my love had abandoned me. But he returned, yes, for a fleeting moment I was saved.
But woe, the devil was cunning! My love was gone, leaving Marguerite, me, with a child, pining after my love in despair. And the devil continued his torment until Faust came into his kingdom.
Then came the dances, and oh, what lovely dances they were! The ballet girls moved with gentle grace, each delicate movement perfectly in tune to the chorus. The audience was enthralled, but still yet to be breathless, for their souls remained untouched.
And I was determined to touch their very spirits! I wanted to leave them haunted by the plaint of Marguerite. I wanted their very hearts to bend to my will and swell up inside them, as mine did when I sang. I would show them music, divine music, from the angels in heaven, but inspired by a demon!
Oh, how the opera hurried along, carrying my soul and playing with it, passing it mercilessly back and forth, back and forth, leaving me breathless with horror and delight for five marvelous acts. Oh, my soul, my heart be still! For the fate of Marguerite seemed mine, the woe, mine! She and I were one, and as I finished, singing of the angels:
"Angels pure, angels radiant!
Carry my soul to heaven!"
I felt them singing with me. I felt as if my voice was trying to leave my body, struggling to free itself from my mortal frame. How frail I was! How small! How could I contain my very voice?
The audience was in a state of rapture as I cast the melodies higher, and my soul with them. They could not look away, no, nor could they defend themselves in their marvelous ecstasy! I had not only their hearts, but their souls, their spirits!, captive and captivated.
The music issuing from my lips became the sun, and yet the stars and the moon as well! Darkness was in my very soul, but my lungs were full of light! My heart swelled in my chest until I couldn't breathe, as Marguerite ceased to draw breath herself.
"Angels pure, angels radiant!
Carry my soul to heaven!"
Oh, heaven had opened up to me! I would be free soon, save me angels! Take me away from this place, away from this opera house, away from Erik. Save my soul! Oh, my soul!
"Angels pure, angels radiant!
Carry my soul to heaven!"
And the chorus rose to end the opera, drawn by my voice to cry out with golden throats:
"Saved! Christ is brought to life!
Christ has just been reborn!
Peace and joy to disciples of the master!
Christ has just been reborn!
Christ has just been reborn!
Christ is brought to life!"
I was free. My soul had left me, but it was mine, and mine alone! I had not sang for Erik, nor myself, only for Heaven above and the audience in front of me. I had given the world a taste of heaven!
Bows, oh, I could feel every eye boring into me. All the gossip was forgotten, all the rumors, all the pain. The audience was at its feet, applauding, still stunned and entranced by what their eyes had seen and ears had heard. Perhaps they could not even comprehend it!
Oh, and with what haste did I flee afterward, still in costume, still in makeup.. Off I ran to the brougham, which waiting for me, as promised. It would carry me to heaven, certainly!
Maman embraced me as I entered, and I fainted in her arms, safe at last.