Please read... I'll be quick... :D

Okay... I know I said that Dimitri's chapters would show things that Rose isn't privy to, but after recent events I felt it prudent that his thoughts and feelings were told.

See... short and sweet. LOL! Sandy

I reiterate... This chapter has a lot in it from the previous 3 chapters... It just shows a side to Dimitri that I haven't previously shown you yet (and a little bit of info at the end).

Dimitri – A lesson in Self-Control Outtake 5

This last week without her had been more than I could stand. I thought by stepping back it would make things easier; I couldn't have been more wrong. All week I felt... off. I couldn't say exactly what was going on with me; I just knew that something was missing. Of course I didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know what or who it was that was missing, it just took a week for me to own up to the fact that I couldn't stay away from her anymore, so I was going to fix things once and for all. I was going to tell her just how much of an idiot I'd been and I was going to be the man I should have been right from the start. I was going to tell her just how much I loved her.

I picked up my phone and scrolled through my contact list. Just seeing her name on the screen calmed me. It shouldn't have surprised me when her phone just kept ringing and ringing; I don't know why I expected her to answer. I'd hurt her; I knew that. I was about to end the call when I heard the line pick up and I waited for the message to start, but it didn't... Instead I got a puffed 'Hello'...

The instant I heard her voice that 'off' feeling inside of me dissipated completely, as I knew it would.

"Hi Rose."

"Oh hey, what can I do for you?" She was a little short in her reply, but it was better than I expected. I needed to see her, I needed her to say 'yes' to meeting me but I didn't want to push her either... I had to be careful of what to say so I asked if she wanted to train. When she said she was already out jogging, I was left scrambling to think of another way to see her. When she said that she was getting some of her things from her parent's house, I jumped at the opportunity. I was more than happy when she said that I could pick her up and for the life of me, I couldn't keep the relief out of my voice. As I ended the call, a knock sounded at my bedroom door.

"Can I come in?" My mother's voice came from the other side.

"Da Mama."

"Dobroye utro Dimka."

"Dobroye utro Mama."

"Are you busy today son?"

"Actually I am Mama; I was just about to go have a shower." She nodded slowly and I could see she wanted to know what I was doing, but being the woman she was, she wouldn't ask. "I'm going to talk to Rose; I just got off the phone with her."

I didn't miss the little smile that pulled at her mouth. "Oh, alright then, say hello to her for me then. It's been a while since I have spoken to her. I'll see you later then..." Sneaky woman... With that she left my room. I quickly showered and changed before grabbing my keys and cell and ran out of the house; I'm fairly certain that I heard my mother say 'nakonyets' behind me but I didn't have time to ask for clarification.

It took a good ten minutes to make my way over to Rose's parent's house; I hadn't been there before and was glad for my GPS on my cell phone. I parked out by the curb and then made my way to the front gate before walking up the path to the front steps. That's when I heard it. I heard someone yelling and it didn't sound female. I wasn't sure that it had even come from this house at first then I heard banging and then... "ARGH... FUCK! YOU BITCH!" Definitely here and definitely not Rose... I took off up the path and leapt up the stairs in one go. I had too much momentum and slammed into the door.

"ROSE!" I yelled. I fumbled at the handle hoping that it wasn't locked but all I managed to do was get in my own way in my haste to get it open. "ROSE, answer me!" I yelled as I finally entered the house. For a second I thought that I had heard wrong; everything was quiet as I stood in the open entry way of the house. Looking around I couldn't see any sign of struggle... "Rose?"

Listening hard I thought I could hear slight sounds above me but I wasn't sure over the loud whooshing of blood in my ears. Then I heard a loud thump... I took off running over to the stairs, taking them three at a time. Half way up I heard the sound of fists hitting flesh and my blood ran cold. Going on pure adrenaline and instinct, I turned to the sound and ran into the room on my left. What I saw rooted me to the spot... Rose was laying into a guy on the floor. I quickly realised that he was the one from the movie cinemas that I later found out to be Jesse.

"ROSE... Stop!" I yelled as I ran towards her. I could see she hadn't heard me; her whole awareness was centred entirely on the guy beneath her. As her fists drove into his now bloody face, the most rage fuelled scream came from her mouth. I tried to grab at her shoulders while avoiding her flying arms, her knee came up and rammed into his groin but at this point, I'm pretty sure he didn't feel it. I had a moment of worry that she'd actually killed him but that worry soon eroded into pleasure.

I finally got a hold of her but I couldn't dislodge her at first so I got a better grip and pulled her into my chest. She fought wildly against me, screaming in rage; arms and legs swinging and kicking madly. It took a few seconds for the screaming to morph into words when she realised that someone had a hold of her. I hadn't had time to panic over exactly what I was seeing; adrenaline was keeping my mind on track.

"Rose! Snap out of this! This isn't you, come back to me Roza..." I felt the first signs of her rage slip at the name only I called her. "Shhh, you can stop." She still fought to get back to Jesse but I knew the intense rage was now gone. I needed her to look at me; to focus on something other than the object of her rage... The look in her eyes when I turned her face to mine broke my heart but not as much as seeing the evidence of where he'd hit her cheek. "It's alright, you're alright. Keep looking at me."

I was only seconds away from losing it and finishing off the waste of oxygen on the floor; it was only the sight of her eyes quickly filling with tears that kept me in place. I could see she was a hairs breath away from losing it herself so I kept telling her that she was alright, that she was safe.

She kept mumbling incoherently so I pulled her into me tightly and within seconds I was trying to hold the girl I loved, together. I moved slightly to the side and pulled my cell from my back pocket. After what happened at the movies, I'd put the phone number of the lead detective into my phone. I scrolled down the list of names and pressed 'send' as I kept a hold of Rose.

"Detective Morris." Came the abrupt voice on the other end of the line.

"It's Dimitri Belikov. He came back; he tried to rape her..." I yelled over the sound of Rose's sobs.

"Calm down. Belikov?" There was a few seconds of silence as she tried to place my name. "Where are you? Is she alright?"

"She's at her mother's house; you need to get an ambulance."

"Oh God... What did he do?"

"It's not for her. Hurry." I shut the phone and continued to hold her as I kept an eye on Jesse. I could see that he was still breathing – unfortunately, but if he moved, I'd make sure he never did again. I also knew she would want her best friend here so I opened my phone again and called Lissa. I didn't know what to say to her so I was more than happy when Adrian answered it instead.

"Adrian? It's Dimitri."

"What do you want?" he said abruptly.

"Listen, Jesse attacked Rose at her mother's house. I'm with her now but I think she'd like Lissa to be here, can you get her here?"

"Fuck... Is she...?"

"She's... okay." I interrupted, I couldn't say that she was fine; she wasn't, but I needed him to know that the worst had not happened.

"We'll be there in ten." With that the line went dead. It was only a few minutes later that she calmed down enough to speak but even then I think it was more to herself than to me. When I felt her curl into me more and grip my shirt tighter, I pulled one of my hands away from her body and gently touched her bruised face. I asked her if she was alright but there was no reply, she was in shock. I heard the sirens a few minutes later but Rose only moved when she heard them coming upstairs.

When the two detectives came up, both sets of eyes went straight to Rose.

"Is she alright?" Morris asked me. More police followed close behind them and I pointed to where Jesse still laid.

"I think so. She's in shock."

"Have you contacted her mother yet?" Morris asked.

"No." I'd completely forgotten about Janine. Morris looked to her partner who then took out her phone and walked away.

The other police officers had gone in before the paramedics and looked up at Rose in disbelief. I guess they didn't expect someone her size to have done so much damage. Morris wanted to know what went on but all I wanted to do was get Rose away from here. Before letting me move her, Ivanson scraped under her fingernails. I was still holding her shirt closed around her front so I asked for someone to get a shirt for her; she'd been violated enough today without being exposed in front of a house full of cops too. After a little coaxing and promises that no-one else would touch her, I finally got a clean shirt on her.

I let her know that I was going to take her downstairs before moving her and it didn't escape my notice how much lighter she was compared to when I'd last held her in my arms; another thing that was on my shoulders. But time to berate myself for my failings would have to wait; I had to look after Rose. When I tried to put her onto the countertop in the kitchen, she panicked. The look on her face broke my heart just a little more... I couldn't believe what I'd done to her.

I had to promise her that I wouldn't leave her but she kept one hand entwined in my shirt anyway. Her silence was really worrying me, she just kept looking at me with frightened, wild eyes and I couldn't help but plead with her to talk to me.

The sound of her scratchy voice made my anger surface once more; the red marks around her throat spoke volumes about what she'd just been through. But when she told me that it was my voice telling her how to fight him off, I didn't know what to say. I was so proud of her strength at such a terrifying time, so that's what I told her.

"I'm so proud of you. So, so proud." I said as I held her face in my hands. I wanted so much to kiss her at that moment, to tell her how much I loved her, but this was not the time. I told her that I'd called Lissa and then grabbed a towel and wet it. I watched her closely as I gently washed as much blood away from her hands as I could but there were some fairly deep cuts that were going to need stitching. When she turned her head to the side, I looked up and saw her eyes go blank... I panicked a bit... I couldn't let her retreat into herself, not after she'd fought so hard to get to where she was now. I wouldn't let that mongrel take more of her life than he already had, so I said the first thing that came to mind. I was more than relieved when I saw her come back to me.

"I was scared Dimitri." She said simply. Those four words were like knives in my gut.

"I know you were, but you were strong when you needed to be. You'll get through this." I could tell by her face that she didn't believe me but I didn't have time to say anything else before I heard her mother come into the house.

I'd worked for Janine long enough now to know her fairly well and as hard as she tried, I could tell that she wasn't as composed as she tried to portray. I'd taken a step back so that she could comfort her daughter, but she didn't. She looked at Rose's hands and wanted to know what happened. I could tell Rose wasn't in the right mind to do so, so I told her what I knew.

The comparison between her and my mother was staggering. If it had been one of my sisters sitting here, my mother would be like a bear on a rampage and on a quest for blood. The only sign I saw that Janine was in fear of losing her cool was when the paramedics brought Jesse downstairs, but still no comfort was directed to her daughter.

When the police asked for a statement, I moved closer to her. I knew it was going to be hard for her and I wanted her to know that I wouldn't let this become a repeat of the last time they questioned her. She held up fairly well; when I saw her start to get worked up, I talked her through it. That's when she looked to me for strength, strength I was only too happy to give her. The rest of her account of what happened, she told to me. When she told me that she'd heard my voice for a second time, my heart swelled; maybe there was hope for us yet, maybe she could forgive my idiocy. Hearing what she went through was so hard, if only I'd been here sooner... I could have saved her from having to go through this again. She got to the end but she started getting too worked up so I pulled her into me and took over the story.

When Rose said that Jesse had been following her and waiting for her to leave the house alone, I had to swallow the impulse to drive to the hospital and finish the prick off once and for all. But for the first time since I started, I was thankful for my need to follow her on her morning runs instead of feeling like a stalker.

When Lissa and Adrian arrived, she gave Rose the comfort that I thought Janine would and should have given; I was happy that she was here. I was surprised at the relationship between Adrian and the other detective but not as surprised as Rose apparently. After the day's events, I think that was the last straw, she just couldn't take any more surprises and she started mumbling and breathing way too fast. I reached out to her just as she fell to the side in a dead faint.

=x=

Liss started crying and screaming to know what was wrong with her best friend, her mother instinctively reached out but I'd already scooped her into my arms. I took her into the lounge room and laid her on the sofa. It took a while for her to come around and I used the whole time to think of an apology to say to her; I had a lot to be sorry about after all. Her mother tried to rouse her as did Lissa but when I felt her hand twitch in mine... I must admit that I was more than happy that it was my voice that seemed to bring her around.

When her eyes finally opened, I could barely contain my emotions.

"Hey." She said softly.

"Hey yourself, are you feeling better?"

"Than...?" That's my girl... I was glad that the emotion of the moment produced a chuckle rather than tears of happiness though. I gave her a drink of water and helped her drink it. Looking into her eyes, I couldn't believe that I ever thought it was a good idea to stay away from her.

"Where have you been?" She asked me. I knew what she meant; I just wanted more time before having to delve into it all. When she asked if she'd done something wrong, I knew I had no choice but to lay my cards on the table. I would have preferred to do this in a much more private setting, especially considering her mother and friends were mere meters away. I glanced up to make sure that no-one was on their way into the room before speaking.

I could see that she didn't understand what I was trying to tell her, all the scenario's I'd played out in my head were useless.

"I was getting too close, you didn't need that." Or so I thought.

"I needed you." The pain in her voice almost did me in. I knew the subject of Tasha would come up and as much as I wanted to spare her anymore pain, I had to be honest with her. With a quick look to make sure we were still alone, I told her in so many words that I had considered a relationship with Tasha but realised immediately that it would have been based on a lie, that she would always have been my second choice. That's when I could see the hope in her eyes... it was time.

"...my heart belongs to someone else."

"Who?" she breathed. She knew...

"Hmm, this most fascinating woman. She's funny, brave, incredibly sexy, brave, feisty, brave..." here goes... "...and the love of my life."

She pulled in a gasp of air but didn't release it; I watched her face as she waited for me to say the words.

"You Rose... I'm talking about you." Along with the release of air she's been holding, tears fell down her cheeks, I only hoped they were tears of joy but I braced myself for the other reason. She didn't move or say anything... "Nothing to say?"

"Say it again." She whispered. JOY! It was joy...

"I love you Roza." Oh God that felt good. More tears and a little sob of relief.

"Again..."

"I love you, my beautiful Roza."

When she asked me to say it again, I decided to show her instead. I bent down to her and watched as her tongue licked her lips. That's a good sign. I thought to myself. "Let me show you."

I felt her tremble as our lips touched. The feeling that I get every time I touch her skin didn't disappoint. "Breathe Roza."

I smiled when she pulled in a deep breath and then I did what I'd wanted to do for weeks. I kissed her, really kissed her. Within seconds her hands moved up my sides and gripped into my hair. I took that as a green light for more. I traced my tongue over her lips, and she opened her mouth to mine. Tasting her for the first time was... mind-blowing. When she gripped my hair tighter and deepened the kiss, I was lost. I thought she owned my heart before, but that was nothing compared to the feeling I got when I felt her give herself to me willingly. If this is what kissing her did to me, I couldn't fathom what would happen when our relationship progressed further... God I hope she wants to go further. I had to pull away, if I didn't, I was sure that I would end up doing something that her mother would shoot me for.

"Wow..." she said panting...

"Yeah..."

"I love you too." It was the first time she'd said the words and my heart did a back-flip.

"I know you do. I've wanted to do that for a very long time." And I'll be doing that every chance I get from here on out.

"Don't let me stop you from continuing." She said shyly.

"God, I've missed you." And I want you sooo much. This time I couldn't keep it soft, I didn't know how much longer I would have her in my arms so I was damned sure to make the most of every second I had.

When we heard someone clear their throat above us, I expected to raise my eyes and be met with a fist... It was worse. The look in Janine's eyes was set to kill, I was just lucky that there were still police in the house otherwise I think she would have. This was not how I wanted any of this to go down. I wanted to talk to Rose privately, tell her how much I loved her and how sorry I was for the pain I'd caused her and then I wanted to talk to her mother; tell her the truth, but the actions of one selfish prick screwed up something that should have been a much more private matter.

After the day Rose had just gone through, she didn't want to deal with her mother just now and while I did sympathise with her, I knew it would only make matters worse; we had to stay and explain. Now that I could, I couldn't help but touch her again and when her tongue came out and licked against my fingers... parts of me reacted more than others. I had to pull myself together.

She'd had a couple of little break downs since the attack but her calmness in-between those moments worried me a little; I had to make sure that I was with her when the shock wore off and the reality of what happened finally sank in.

A few hours later, everyone was finally leaving. Rose had steadfastly refused to go to the hospital and be checked out so I had one of the paramedics do it here and then stitch her hands.

When Janine came back into the kitchen after seeing the detectives out, I knew what I had to do. She wasn't very happy when Rose told her she wasn't staying and her dismissal of Rose's friends was... straight to the point. Then for the first time today, we were alone. Alone in the sense that even though Janine was in the house, I could finally say what I'd been dying to say since I woke up this morning... 'I'm sorry'. But in true Rose fashion, she wouldn't hear of it; I think she was happy that I'd said the words though.

I can't say that I didn't see her reasoning; she did save herself and I'm not stupid, I know how much that can mean to a victim of assault but it doesn't make me feel any better – it never will.

When her mother came back downstairs, I expected things to be – tense, I just didn't expect it to come from Rose. At first I tried to calm her down so that we could talk things through like adults; something my mother always taught me to do. The more she yelled, the more she let out the years of emotional and physical neglect – the less respect I had for the woman I'd been working for.

I used to think that I could see where Rose got her strength from; I was wrong. As it turned out, the Janine I knew was really a scared, lonely and bitter woman who wore a mask of strength like a well fitted suit. My Roza was nothing like her mother. My Roza was the strongest person I've ever met, other than my own mother, but the only mask she wore was one of honesty. I would be in awe of her for the rest of my existence.

It didn't take long for things to go from bad to worse, I knew she couldn't handle too much more today and that's when she started hyperventilating again. My heart felt every pain hers did as I held her body against mine; I was only just able to pull her through it. I knew I had her back in my life when she said it... that word, 'master'. If only she knew what it did to me to hear her say that word.

When we became aware of our surroundings again, we noticed we were alone... it was time to go. We found her mother, to let her know we were leaving and for the first time Janine became somewhat the mother she always should have been. I could tell by Roza's face that the gift her mother gave her was something very special, I didn't know the full meaning behind it, but I'm sure she'll tell me when she's ready. I've seen Nazars before back home, I knew their traditional meaning but there was obviously more here than I knew.

We ended up going back to my house at Roza's request, something that pleased me no end and as much as I loved how my mother welcomed Rose with open arms, it pained me to know that it should have been Janine doing this. Hopefully one day, the day would come when Rose and Janine would have more but until then, I knew my mother would be there for her.

After getting through yet another telling of the day's events, Mama suggested Rose have a shower; something that I knew would make her feel better, even if only a bit, but my mother was as subtle as a freight train when she wanted to be. After telling me to show Rose where everything was, she turned to go back into the kitchen, but not before smiling and winking at me. She knew...

Ever since that night at training, I've been distracted... even then I was aware of this fact, but now I knew that I'd been too distracted to see that I had told my mother everything she wanted to know about my feelings for Rose without saying a word. Belikov women are the craftiest, sneakiest females on the planet. I shouldn't be surprised really, after all, she'd learnt from the best; her mother!

I gave Roza a towel, I gave her some clean clothes and then I tried to give her more apologies but the only thing she wanted from me was – me, and of that, the well ran deep. I finally gained enough control of myself to walk away and let her shower – alone... When she shut the door to the bathroom with a smile I finally relaxed. I turned around and stood with my back against the door, willing myself to give her some privacy and walk downstairs, it just took a little 'internal dialogue; to accomplish that task. That's the only reason I was still close enough to hear her sobs... I tried to get her to open the door for me, I didn't want to walk in if she was naked and I'd been wrong in what I'd heard. But she didn't answer me so I took the risk and opened the bathroom door. When I looked into her eyes, I knew another break was imminent. I crossed the width of the room in a second and held her in my arms as she yelled, cried, screamed and clawed in an effort to escape her pain.

It didn't take long before I heard footsteps running up the stairs and when my mother came to the door with two of my sisters behind her, I was grateful. I could see that they were deeply affected by what Rose was going through and I knew that they too were now part of her support system. It was probably ten or fifteen minutes before I felt her start to settle in my arms, Mama and I kept talking to her the whole time, even though I wasn't sure she really heard us. Once she calmed down I knew I had to leave, I didn't want to though, so I was glad that Mama was here to help her. I couldn't leave without kissing her one last time. I had full intentions of going downstairs but when I reached the top; I couldn't make my feet go any further... so that's where I stayed.

When I heard the bathroom door open, I turned around and was met with eyes that centred my world... then I looked down. I'm a man and the sight before me was exquisite. This day was the worst rollercoaster of a day I'd ever been on; worse than the worst day back in Russia and it didn't seem that it was going to get better anytime soon. When I told her that I'd always be there for her, I didn't miss the look that passed across her face. She tried to hide it, but I was trained to read peoples expressions... in my line of business, it was a tool that could potentially save your life.

Sitting there on the step, my mind wandered and I could see just how deeply my best intentions had hurt her. I guess the old saying was true; that the road to Hell was paved in good intentions... It was also then that I knew I would spend every chance I got to heal that hurt, and to do that, I had to tell her the whole truth. It wasn't something that I ever wanted to think about, let alone talk about but if there was any chance of me healing the hurt I caused, telling Rose the truth about what happened in Russia was something that needed to be done.

And that's how we ended up in my back yard. I took a moment to collect my thoughts, drew in a deep breath and started at the beginning. Remembering Ivana and the happy times we shared didn't hurt as much as it used to... but remembering lying on the ground, unable to move while the woman I thought I was falling in love with bled out in front of me still hurt just as much as the day it happened. They shot her in the stomach three times – it took her less than a minute for the light in her eyes to fade into the ether...

Tell your boss that this is just a warning. He has twenty-four hours to pay what he owes. The twelve year old is next! Was the warning whispered in my ear before I fell into the abyss of unconsciousness.

That pain, the knowledge that my failure resulted in someone's death, was something that I would have to live with for the rest of my life but now everything was out in the open, Roza knew.

She wanted answers, I gave them to her honestly and freely and in return she forgave me on the promise that I would never leave her again... and I would die before I did. What happened next was... what my dreams were made of, only better. How long had I dreamt of holding her, kissing her, touching her like this? My body disconnected from my brain and it took control; it was going to have everything it had craved for so long... Roza's scent permeated to my very core, each breath I drew into my lungs pulled me further and further in to oblivion. There was only one thing that could stop it now and she didn't disappoint!

As my heart thumped in my chest, I couldn't help but laugh at Roza's growled frustration at constantly being interrupted. Not that I was enjoying it either but I still knew that I wanted more for our first time than something quick in my backyard, no matter how much my body was trying to change my mind. Knowing my mother as I do, I was pretty sure that she'd spoken at length about my situation to my grandmother and was just waiting for the opportunity to have some fun at my expense.

Every joke Roza cracked, lit up my world one brilliant white watt at a time... It wasn't until now that I realised just how dark my life had been since walking away from her. I relished the chance to show her just how much she affected me and the look on her face was priceless. When she blushed, I knew the thoughts going through her mind were less than pure and I was too turned on to not know what those thoughts were.

"...by all means, continue..." I said expectantly.

The only thing I heard in reply was... "...or we could alleviate your situation... together."

Oh God... Sitting there on the bench in my backyard while the scent and taste of the woman of my dreams still flooding my system and then having her say those words while straddling my lap, well... I can honestly say that I used more self-control than I ever thought I was capable of. I may have been able to stop my previously traitorous hands from moving to where they wanted to go but the only part of my body that had its own brain made sure that his opinion on the matter was known.

Turn her down, turn her down, turn her down... I chanted over and over in my head, and I did – somehow.

But when she went to grab me, my resolve nearly flew out the window. I knew damn well what happened every time her skin came in contact with mine, feeling that feeling down there... I knew it would result in me having no free will left; I would do whatever she wanted. Saying that, I must admit that I was eager to get to know this side of Rose.

We finally made it to the dinner table, even if we did arrive a little later than the other people seated. As the minutes rolled on, Roza got tireder and tireder, I could also see that she was in pain and it was only getting worse. So, as soon as she said she was full, I took her upstairs so that she could sleep. She called Lissa to let her know what was going on and then I gave her, her pain medication. Once they were down, I kissed her good night and made my way back to the door. When she asked for something to sleep in, I had to think for a second and when my eyes landed on my chest of draws on the far wall, the only thing that flashed into my head was my favourite t-shirt. It probably wasn't the smartest move I've ever made; just thinking about her in that shirt had my heart skip a beat. I quickly made my way out of the bedroom... finally, and away from temptation. I'd only made it a step or two down when I heard her call out my name.

Be strong, be strong...

I opened the door and saw her standing in pretty much the same position I left her in. "Are you alright?" I asked.

"Not really... Um, the pain killers haven't kicked in yet, I can't use my hands."

I looked at the shirt she held up in her hand and knew exactly what she was asking. She didn't ask for my mother to come help her dress... no, she wanted me to help her. Oh God!

Be strong, be strong... Mother downstairs... Grandmother downstairs...

Disjointed images of Rose in different stages of undress intermingled with images of my hands and mouth on various parts of her body flashed though my mind in milliseconds. I closed my eyes in an effort to reign in my self control, I wanted nothing more than to rid her of every stitch currently on her, time would soon tell if I was strong enough to redress her any time soon. I swallowed my desire and opened my eyes before walking into my room. Our eyes locked onto each other and without too much thought, I turned the lock on the door; I didn't want someone to just walk in... This was probably not one of my best moves now that I think about it... I could only hope that my mother's 'downloadable app' would save me if I couldn't stop myself...

I soon found myself standing in front of her, the air around us crackled in anticipation. Seeing the bruises on her face sobered me up somewhat and kept me from doing more than she was ready for, so I did the next best thing. I kissed her, again. But this time, I made sure that everything I was feeling right now went into that kiss. I pulled away when I knew my self control was about to crash and burn.

I took my shirt out of her hand and let it drop to the floor; hopefully I'd have enough strength to pick it up again.

"Turn around." I told her. I most certainly could not do this if she was facing me. She didn't move but hearing her breathing elevate a bit more as the skin of her cheeks darkened, I knew it wasn't out of fear or mistrust, so I turned her myself. My breathing soon matched hers when my fingers finally touched the skin at her back. The feeling went straight to my groin...

I slowly lifted her shirt, watching the more bruises appear as I went higher and higher. There were a few reasons why I was taking this act so torturously slow. The main reason was that I didn't want to hurt her; I knew she was sore all over. Then there was the fact that I wanted to savour the moment for as long as I could, me being a masochist and all... but I also knew that if I went any faster, memories of recent fantasies where rushed undressing had occurred would soon turn into reality.

Seeing the all of the bruises on her back soon distracted me... Calculations of how long it would take to drive to the hospital and finish that bastard off went through my mind as well as the many different ways I could end his pitiful existence; and with his injuries no-one would suspect anything untoward had happened... I reached out to touch the four little finger print sized bruises on her right shoulder but stopped myself, instead I focused on the strap of her bra.

"Do you want to leave this on?" I asked her. When she turned her head, her eyes brought me out of my murderous thoughts and I was once more lost in her. In yet another long line of stupid moves made in the last little while, I bent down and kissed her shoulder, my left hand swept her hair away and I took a deep breath...

STUPID! PULL BACK! PULL BACK! Look at the bruises...

The sound of her elevated breathing and her scent once more had my brain screaming to have more than I knew she was ready for. I focused on the clasp at her back and then slowly lowered the straps down her arms.

Mother downstairs, Babushka downstairs... Babushka... think of your grandmother...

I tore my eyes away from her now naked torso and looked at my shirt on the floor... Pick it up Dimitri... Pick it up and put it on her... As I bent down to get my now least favourite shirt off the floor, I happened to catch sight of something I really didn't need to see. I could tell she was just as affected as I was and she made no attempt to hide her naked chest from me... PICK UP THE BLOODY SHIRT DIMITRI!

I let the shirt fall over her head and then gently manoeuvred her arms into the sleeves and once the rest of the material fell almost to her knees, I almost staggered in relief that I'd kept control of myself. I knew I wouldn't be able to do that again...

"Turn around Roza." I couldn't believe my voice came out so seemingly unaffected. This time she moved on her own volition. I kept my eyes on hers as I bent down to rid her of the denim skirt.

Keep your eyes where they are... you're nearly finished. I knew if I let my eyes lower; if I watched myself lower it down her beautiful legs, I'd lose it.

My traitorous hands were back with minds of their own... They slowly made their way upwards and feeling her soft skin was divine and maddening at the same time. Then I was standing in front of her, amazed that I'd kept myself from making all my fantasies come true. I finally gave myself permission to look down and seeing her in that shirt was better than I ever thought possible; it was now my favourite shirt again.

Then, if only she knew the mammoth effort in self control that I'd just gone through, she wouldn't have teased me with her nicknames, so I thought a little payback was warranted. I moved closer to her and slowly brought my nose up her neck, her scent was intoxicating and before I knew what I'd done; her ear was in my mouth... Her lack of breathing brought me out of my haze and I was able to pull back but I did enjoy seeing the look on her face. I finally got her into bed where I thought would allow me room to breathe, I was wrong. Finally I had a real image of her exactly where I wanted her. My traitorous hands were back, twisting themselves in her hair... I had to leave, now!

"I love you Roza."

"I love you too Comrade, and thank you – for everything."

Everything... You are my everything Roza...

I walked outside and stood at the door for a little while, making sure that I was close if she called out again. When I was sure that she wasn't going to, I made my way downstairs.

"Took you long enough." My sister Sonya said smiling.

"Stop teasing your brother." My mother's said with the same grin plastered on her face.

"She needed help getting dressed." I explained. My mother's eyebrows nearly reached her hairline in surprise. "Nothing happened, I was a gentleman..."

"We can see nothing happened..." Karolina mumbled from the sofa causing her and Sonja to giggle like teenagers.

"Cows..." I growled as I walked away adjusting myself; that only made them laugh even more. Looking back over my shoulder, I was annoyed to see my mother barely containing herself with her hands over her mouth. God how I wished to have at least one other male here sometimes...

I went into the kitchen, away from the cackling females and called Detective Morris. I knew she wasn't aware of all the other bruises that Roza had. She wanted to come over straight away but I got her to wait till morning when I took Rose to the hospital. Later on, the annoying females of the house finally went to bed and I tried to go to sleep on the lounge. It didn't take long for me to know that it wasn't going to happen; I was too worried and worked up. It was just after midnight when I first heard sounds coming from upstairs. I stood at my door listening...

"No... leave..." I heard from inside.

I quietly opened the door and saw Rose moving around in the bed.

"Don't..." she mumbled.

A nightmare... I didn't know if I should wake her or not. I didn't want her to have to live out the attack again, but she wasn't thrashing around either, so I thought I'd wait to see if it just fizzled out and she could just go back to sleep. I sat in the chair that was against the wall opposite to my bed and watched over her.

"No... Don't Jess..."

I closed my eyes and clenched my fists in an effort to keep myself in that chair. If I didn't, I would have found myself facing murder charges. If the nightmare didn't stop soon, I'd have to wake her; I couldn't hear much more of this...

Her breathing picked up and she started to thrash but before I could move, she woke up yelling...

"NO...!" I should have realised I would have scared her when I moved, but all I could think of was getting to her. When she saw me, she let out the most blood curdling scream. That's how I found myself in my bed and my arms wrapped around the woman I loved.

I only got snippets of sleep after that but the next morning I felt like I'd slept for a week. I watched her sleep and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I loved her like I've never loved anyone else. Even the feelings I had for Ivana were nothing in comparison. Everything up to now had been so ballsed-up, I had to do something right, so when she woke up, I asked her to be my girlfriend. I was elated when she said yes.

=x=

Finally after ensuring that nothing was broken and Detective Morris had all the photos detailing Roza's bruises, we left the hospital. I was glad that Liss had come too, she was the support that I couldn't be while the photos were taken but by the time she left us in the car park, both Roza and I knew that she was hiding something.

I wanted to take Roza's mind off things for a while but before that could happen; I had to let Janine know I would be taking the next couple of days off. I couldn't imagine that she'd have a problem with that; if she did then a simple resignation would fix the problem. I need not have worried, Janine told me to take as long as needed.

I knew Rose wouldn't be up for anything big, so I decided to do something that I hoped wouldn't freak her out.

I'd been to the local mall last week with Mr Dashkov; he apparently had business to do with one of the shop owners. I was surprised when we walked into a jewellery store; it confused me to think of what sort of business he would have here. Up until now, his business seemed to centre on medical or military issues. I was left in the store while the man took Viktor out the back and while they were gone, I saw a gold necklace on display that I thought would look beautiful around Roza's neck and on it hung a gold rose encrusted with diamonds. At the time I didn't think I would ever have a reason to buy her something like that. When the two men emerged from the back of the shop I saw that Viktor had a small bag in his hand.

"Congratulate the happy couple for me if you will, Mr Dashkov." Said the owner.

What happy couple? I thought to myself. The small parcel was quickly locked away in the briefcase before leaving the shop, but the image of that necklace never left my mind.

Now, I wanted to get it for her, hopefully bring a smile to her face. As we walked inside the mall a Starbucks was right before us, I didn't know about Rose, but I could certainly do with a coffee.

I felt Rose slow behind me before we got to the counter. "What the hell?" She said in an odd voice.

I turned to see what was wrong and followed her line of sight over to the far wall of the shop. I was shocked to see Lissa sitting with Dashkov's son, especially considering the fact that it was only about an hour since she told us she was meeting her father. I was more than a little suspicious when I saw their hands joined... I trusted this guy as much as I did his father and that only stretched to as far as I could throw him. From the little I'd seen of Lissa and Christian together, I couldn't imagine that she'd want that sort of relationship with Dashkov junior.

Rose immediately wanted to know what was going on, I couldn't blame her really, I wanted to know too... When Lissa saw us walking towards her, the look on her face showed nothing but extreme guilt, she knew she'd been sprung. Nat on the other hand tried to make out that nothing unto do was happening but I knew his type, now if only I knew what he was really up to.

Dont forget to let me know what you think...

Translations;

Dobroye utro = Good morning.

Nakonyets = Finally.