It's Spring but it's snowing where I am, stupid weather. Curl up by the fire or for those of you with normal weather, grab your internet device and relax in the warm spring day with Chapter 26 of No More Tears. Note: final miniseries chapter, this particular one contains a reference from the manga about Erwin's past. Just saying. Hurrah! Read on!
Chapter 26 : The Cry of a Wolf
Some of us gathered the bodies while others of us looked on, befuddled at the body count. With this, there probably wouldn't be any more expeditions. You can't just go outside the walls with soldiers who have families waiting for them,and then bring them the dead bodies with nothing in return. There was no rhyme or reason to it. The Titans were superior. That was the best explanation we'd be able to offer, and the citizens would go about wondering why their tax money was feeding soldiers who were trained to fight Titans but were consistently losing battle after battle in the war.
Unfortunately, I wasn't amongst the ones who gathered the bodies of the special forces. I was too low on gas and since the expedition was over, there was no point in expending more resources. I nuzzled my horse's nose. She could tell that I wasn't in a good mood and kept whinnying lowly, bobbing her head up and down against my arm. "Marelda, it looks like you won't be riding out to battle with the others anymore," I cried softly letting a stray tear slide down onto her muzzle. I quickly wiped it away. I could weep when I was off the battle field. For now I just needed to get them home.
"This is the part I can never get used to," Jeans voice carried. He was talking to Armin who sported a bandage around his forehead.
"No one does," Armin responded.
"How are my friends going to die? How am I going to die? It's all you can thing about..." Jean said.
I led my horse away from them, not wanting to hear anymore of the conversation. It made me think, and when I thought, my eyes would become wet, and I'd lose the composure I was trying so hard to keep.
"I can't accept this Commander Erwin!" A soldiers voice rang out from across the camp.
"We should recover them! Ivan's body was right in front of us," the golden-blonde soldier cried. I squinted in his direction. Dieter... I think that's who he was.
"There was a Titan right next to him! It could result in another casualty," a middle aged man with curled hair and a mustache exclaimed. He was the guy who had taken the body count.
"If they attack, we can just defeat them!" Dieter insisted.
"Ivan's an old friend, we're from the same town. I know his parents. If nothing else, I'd like to bring him home," The brunette next to Dieter pointed out. I laughed bitterly. As if that would mean something to the Commander. I was lucky that we were able to collect the bodies of Eld, Petra, Gunther and Oluo. I'd be shouting at Erwin too if I was in Dieter's position. If you were skilled, Titan's could be killed from the ground with ease, but the higher ups didn't want to risk their own lives, and the soldier fodder was running out for them.
"Don't be selfish," the curly haired soldier cried.
"Squabbling kids?" My hand tightened around the reins as Levi made an appearance on the scene. I already knew he had nothing encouraging to say.
"Captain Levi..." The arguing soldiers went silent at the shorter man's presence.
"If you've confirmed he's dead that's enough. Whether you have the body, dead is dead. It won't change anything," he droned. I dropped the reins, and headed over to his direction. No way. How could he say such things? I felt a hand on my shoulder pull me back.
"Hanji...?" I gasped.
"Don't interfere." She said looking down at me with serious eyes.
"No. I have to. Levi... he's the last person that can be saying things like that. You weren't there Hanji. He took down the Female Titan as if... as if she were the weakest enemy he had ever encountered. It didn't even take him a minute and he had the upper hand the whole time. You guys sent so many to their deaths for no reason and now you want to leave their bodies behind!" I shook with rage. Unlike Levi, Hanji showed emotion and I could tell she was sympathetic. But...
"Caria, you don't understand or maybe, it just that you don't believe in sacrifices," Hanji said.
"I believe in sacrifices. I know we can't save everyone. But this wasn't a regular Titan! This was like Eren, but five times stronger and a lot more intelligent. It's one thing to send regular soldiers to fight normal Titans but when the enemy is sending their best, then why shouldn't we be doing the same? Either you guys overestimate yourselves or you underestimate them. And I can't imagine why you'd do either given our losing streak in the war," I retorted.
"We'll say Ivan and the others went missing. That's my final decision. Give it up," Erwin said dismissively. My head whipped to Erwin and I shirked off Hanji's hold, taking heavy footsteps across the encampment towards him.
"So you would lie to save your own asses. It's one thing to say you can't recover the soldiers because it would lead to more casualties, at least that's admitting that you failed. But you want to pretend like you don't know where the bodies are?!" I called, stopping a few feet away from the commander. Finally, I was coming face to face with the head of this joke of an operation. "Yea, I know I'm out of line. A soldier questioning the integrity of her commander," I admitted. "But I also believe that deep down, you guys know you fucked everything up big time." I heard the gasps around the camp as I spoke in defiance to the head of the Recon unit.
"And I'm prepared to do it again," Erwin nodded, unperturbed by my waning respect for him. "If that's what it takes. If it's trial and error, then I'll keep fighting because the people in those walls deserve to see the other side," He explained.
"Then tell them. Tell them the truth. You already know that they'll be upset either way, right." I pleaded. For a moment, he seemed to consider what I said.
"No. For the sake of the Survey Corps, we have to keep the extent of our failure at a minimum or else we'll be confined within the walls until they're broken down and all the sacrifices we made will be utterly in vain," he said evenly.
Lying about not being able to bring all the soldiers back...how could they stoop so low? I had always seen the Survey Corps as a noble endeavor. Better than the Garrison, superior to the Military Police, but from where I stood now, all three of them seemed to be questionable. Was this really the best humanity could do?
...Thinking about it. I was no better. I hadn't even scratched the Female Titan. I went along with Levi's orders despite being against them so in the end, I was part of the problem. Seeing that I had no more to say, the Commander walked passed me with Levi at his side, both of them heads held high, unashamed of their decisions.
"Don't the two of you have any human feelings at all?" Dieter called after the retreating forms of the Captain and the Commander.
"Oy dieter, you're going to far," one of the soldiers scolded.
"Caria." Hanji called my name sadly with pity in her voice. Pity wasn't something I needed right now. Not bothering to face her. I mounted my horse, eager to return home.
I rode alongside the cart carrying their bodies. A strand of Petra's hair peeked out from her cloth coffin. Whipping around and twisting in the wind. It almost looked like a wagging finger, reminding me of how Petra always chastised Oluo when he was going about his antics. I closed my eyes, imagining them riding back with us. We would be dismayed at our loses but we'd be together, just like we had planned to be once we won the war. But that dream disintegrated not long after it had been dreamt. There would be no treasures for Oluo discover. Eld's girl wouldn't be holding his hand while they leaned against each other, basking in the beauty of the outside world. God it was coming again. This wave of feelings that brought about the salt rain from my clouded eyes. I blinked rapidly, hoping to drive it away.
"Titans!" someone called. I turned around. Those fools. Those damned admirable fools! They'd gone ahead and done it. Dieter and his friend rode behind us, the former shouldering his dead comrade.
A red flare was fired signaling the incoming Titans.
"The rear line has sighted Titans!" a soldier relayed loudly to Erwin at the head of the line.
"Onward at full speed!" the commander ordered.
I began to slow my horse but stopped remembering that I was pretty much out of gas. Shit. I helplessly watched as Dieter lost Ivan's body and one of the Titans grabbed his brunette friend, who had accompanied him, from the horse. Dieter attempted to save his friend who was abruptly swallowed and got himself captured in the process. No. I slowed my horse and prepared to dismount, but found that Mikasa was a step ahead of me and cut down the Titan grasping the unfortunate blonde kid. Relief washed over me although it was bitter rescue. Now he was down not one friend, but two...
I looked ahead back to the wagon I had been stationed at. There was a Titan chasing them. Two soldiers had there swords out at the ready but I scowled, seeing Levi had slowed down to dissuade them. Against my better judgement, I launched myself off my horse and went straight for the Titan' neck. I performed a double swipe, left then right and tore out the nape. My gas hissed out and there was barely enough for me to land safely on the ground.
"Marelda!" I gasped as she hovered under me so that my fall was broken. I scrambled to straighten up on my horse. More Titans were coming. Where ever Ivan's body had been, Dieter and his friend had certainly stirred up the Titans with their little detour.
"Many bodies haven't made it back in the past, these guys aren't anything special," Levi explained to the two soldiers guarding the wagon as I galloped up alongside them.
"Wait what are you saying. I just killed that Titan. The others are farther away, we can make it!" I argued.
"Really, look again," Levi suggested.
I gasped. But... how were they already so close? Surely the bodies didn't weigh that much...they couldn't possibly be slowing us down enough for the Titans to catch up.
"No...no you can't. We have them here with us. You can't do this," I begged.
"You saw that kid back there. He went to get Ivan and then he ended up losing his other friend in the process. We can't afford to risk anymore lives for those who are already dead," Levi replied.
"Are we really doing this?!" one of the soldiers in the wagon questioned hysterically, arms cradling the bloody sheets covering the dead. Levi looked at me and from there, decided that he was fine abandoning them, even if I hated him for it. He cursed at his sprained leg and I was out of gas so I couldn't do anything either. We already had another casualty. There really was nothing more we could do anymore...was there?
"We have to do it!" The other soldier yelled answering his comrades question. He undid the latch and the first body fell. And then the next one... and then Petra.
"Nooooo!" my scream was shrill, dying on the wind. My hand reached back in vain as a reflex motion to catch her. Her ginger hair flew about her bloodied face and then the lifeless weight hit the ground and she disappeared in the distance. I turned away, increasing the speed of my horse; no longer looking back.
"Okay, keep going!" The soldier shouted, having deposited enough bodies for the wagon to move faster.
We stopped again once were out of the Titan's range. I dismounted Marelda and sat on the ground beside her, staring into the dirt.
"Mother, was this what you wanted me to do? Would you understand their choices better than me?" I croaked.
"She would want you to follow what you believed in. After all. You never needed to repay us despite her insistence on the matter," Hanji said stopping next to me.
"I don't know what to believe in after today. Traitors wearing our cloth, killing our men... and I feel like we let them. Why am I even alive? If Eld hadn't sent me back. I would probably be dead too," I choked begrudgingly.
"I suppose I should let you know something. You've been of age for quite a while now," Hanji began.
"Huh? What is it?" I questioned.
"We never told you the details of your mother's "rescue", if you can call it that. But I think you might understand Levi more, if you knew. Six years ago, that night when I brought you into the Survey Corps Headquarters..."
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**end chapter**
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**miniseries**
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She Who Has his Heart(3rd person perspective)
knock knock (pause) knock
"Levi, come in."
"You know it's me every time, huh," Levi said lazily.
"Well you always knock so precisely, so I presume you expect me to know it's you," Erwin responded looking over the profiles of the new recruits. Levi settled himself on the couch, sipping a cup of tea he had brought with him. For twenty more minutes, the room was still save for the shifting of papers.
"Alright. I'm listening," Erwin announced, sick of paperwork for the moment.
"It's about her," Levi began uncertainly. Erwin looked up in surprise.
"Hmph, this is a first. I'm not used to you coming to me with personal matters," Erwin straightened up in his seat, attentively watching the dark haired man.
"Tch, I don't plan on making it a habit, I just... need more perspective. You've dabbled with women before," Levi mentioned.
"That I have...but I must confess; I never thought of you as the kind of guy that cared for things like romance or intimacy," Erwin commented.
"I'm not. I'm just as surprised as you are. Ever since she's returned, I've made it a point of keeping her near me..." Levi said with a soft gaze.
"She certainly has grown up since she left for training. She's quite the striking woman, beautiful face, feminine figure and of course the toned body that comes with training to fight titans..."
"Nice to see that you're paying attention," Levi frowned, eyes narrowed at the commander.
"Haha, relax. I'm just stating the obvious. As a man, these are the kinds of things you notice. Having a woman like that so close to you... maybe she's just reawakened that primal human need," Erwin suggested.
"At first, I thought the same thing. But she means more than that to me. She's not just some woman to bed," Levi stated sharply.
"...Do you... love her?" Erwin asked abruptly.
"I don't know," Levi replied.
"You don't know?" Erwin repeated.
"I'm not familiar with the concept of love. I certainly wasn't raised with it," Levi admitted.
"I wonder, does she love you?" Erwin prompted noting how Levi's face showed the slightest bit of change at the rhetorical question.
"Obviously I wouldn't know the answer to that unless I asked her. So what are you getting at?" Levi turned eyeing the commander suspiciously.
"I gave up Marie to dedicate my life to exterminating the titans and protecting humanity because one day it hit me that I might die. And so I believed that it would be better for the both of us, if I just severed that attachment before our relationship became deeper...It must be more difficult for you I imagine. She could die at any point on the battlefield. What would you do if that were to happen?"
"If she died on the battlefield, it would be because I wasn't there to protect her and the only way that would happen is if I myself had died before her," Levi determined without hesitation.
"Is this all because of that promise you made? " Erwin asked, chin perched on his overlapping hands.
"I'm still committed to it of course, but it has little to do with my current feelings. I care for all my subordinates, so either way, I'd protect her, but..."
"You'd go out of your way for her, is that it?" Erwin finished.
"Yeah..."Levi confirmed.
"Hmph. If this were a more formal military, you'd be in hot water for admitting something like this to me. A squad leader having feelings for his subordinate... that's the kind of thing you keep between the two of you," Erwin said staring at the younger man. Levi took in his comment unperturbed. This wasn't that kind of military and those kinds of things didn't matter anymore.
"You brought that up, so you must consider my feelings inappropriate although not for the same reasons you're going on about," Levi concluded.
"You've been fairly lenient with her since she's arrived. Don't forget that she's a subordinate soldier before she's you're lover," Erwin said. Levi choked on his tea and turned his head. "Ha ha, I never thought I'd see you become flustered," Erwin laughed heartily
"I'll be taking my leave now." Levi rose from his seat, face returning to that of a blank slate.
"Levi," Erwin called as the dark haired man circled his hand around the door knob. Grey eyes looked back at Erwin in anticipation. "The Titans aren't the only enemies we have... I'm sure I don't have to tell you, but keep a vigilant eye," the blonde commander advised.
"Sure thing," Levi agreed. He opened the door and left, allowing the older man to ponder over the sudden change in the Captain.
"Caria Wolf eh? To think that he'd come to me for such a matter. He must be quite beside himself. How amusing..." Erwin muttered with a smirk.
**end miniseries** *_*
Tra la la. Make sure to look out for the the second part of No More Regrets. I believe the second OVA comes out in April. Ciao!