Hemera slammed on the brakes as she made an extremely sharp turn, smoke flying from her tires. She regained motor control shortly, grunting in effort as if it had been her body to offer such resistance.
"Thing handles like a fucking spastic rhino," she murmured.
"That's offensive!" chimed Mortem.
"Good."
They finally reached the sewers of the race, the track immediately plunged into darkness. Only the bright strips on the side of the track kept the drivers in the lanes, and even that did very little.
"It reeks down here!" complained Lupus.
"Quit bitching," snapped Vika. "Could be worse."
A missile slammed into the back of their vehicle, nearly sending them careening towards the side of the wall. Only a quick boost of nitro from Hemera and a sharp turn prevented them from smashing into it.
"Speak of the devil!" roared Amon behind them, grinning widely.
"How does he always hear us?" asked Mortem confused.
"Listening devices!" explained the old geezer. "You youngsters got all sorts of cool gadgets! We used to use two tin cans attached by string! Fire second missile!"
Jefferson fired the second missile, Hemera actually managing to dodge that one. She noticed with disdain how the track was getting narrower. "Won't be able to dodge more of that."
"Third missile! Wait…what do you mean we only get two?!"
"Each rotation on missiles only gives us two to use," explained Jefferson blankly. "We have to land on missiles again to get more."
"Bugger all!"
Hemera grinned, running over a Sword tile. It landed right on grappling hooks, much to her pleasure.
"Hold on. This might rupture some internal organs."
"What do you…?" began Hemera.
Hemera floored it, blasting through the sewers. They rapidly approached Rob Bombly, who had fallen behind from the massive damage Whiskey Joe had down to his ride.
The Light Siren slammed into the side of his car, nearly forcing it over the side of the track. They were speeding over a long stretch of the sewer, the road floating above a massive pool of water. It was at least ten stories below, more than a lethal fall.
"Wat yo doing?!" demanded Rob Bombly.
"Dirty moves," admitted Hemera.
They both flew off the track, Rob Bombly screaming in panic as well as the passengers in the Vault Hunter ride.
"We're gonna fucking die!" shouted Lupus.
"I always liked you Vika!" admitted Mortem. "I thought you were funny as hell and a great drinking buddy! I'm sorry for everything I ever said!"
Hemera fired the grappling hooks at the ceiling, activating another shot of nitro from the tank. The car was dragged back towards the track, eventually reaching it in time for the grappling hooks to time out. The car landed with a stagger, but recovered quickly.
"Okay, I take everything I just said back!" screamed Mortem. "Screw you Vika, and Lupus, and Hemera, and every other person in this story! In fact, screw the entire audience! And the world around that audience! Screw any physical or mental entity within any dimensions ever!"
"We get it!" snapped Lupus.
"Dat leaves Wiskay Joe," spoke Vika. "Wat we gon do?"
"Kill the son of a bitch," snapped Hemera. "Or beat him. Either option is fine."
Racer X suddenly appeared, his black helmet staring right at them. The roof of his car opened up, revealing a strange type of firearm.
A blue laser flew from the firearm, boiling the metal off their vehicle's roof. Hemera sped up to avoid more of it, cutting a long jagged line through their vehicle.
"That's not fair!" complained Mortem. "Why does he get lasers and shit?!"
Vika paused, thinking of a possible solution. She pulled out a mirror from her pocket, shattering it against the armrest to give her a shard of reflective glass.
Racer X fired again, right through her window. Quick as lightning, Vika deflected the laser with her mirror shard, aiming it right back at its source.
The blue laser, now redirected from the mirror, sliced through Racer X's engine and detonating it. Vika burst into laughter, absolutely surprised that even worked.
"I luv being right!" she shouted out of breath, mildly sad no one would believe what she had done.
"Why haven't I done anything yet interesting?" asked Mortem depressed.
"Can you summon zombies going at 170mph?" inquired Hemera.
"Well…no."
"Then keep navigating."
Mortem pouted. "Meanie."
They noticed Whiskey Joe ahead, as well as the exit. It was almost a solid mile away, but that was rapidly narrowing due to their speed. Whiskey Joe was laughing, certain in his victory.
"Anything?" questioned Hemera.
"Not a damn thing," stated Mortem.
"I refuse to lose," stated the Siren calmly. Then she grinned.
"What's with the grin?" spoke Lupus. "It's wide but also disturbing."
"Reach into my breast pocket. I got a shard of Eridium in there."
"On it!" spoke Mortem. She quickly began copping a feel, eyebrows raised. "Goddamn these are soft…what size are you?"
"Larger than you. Right breast pocket."
Mortem murmured something under her breath and extracted the Eridium crystal. "What do you plan to do with this?"
Hemera then grabbed it, popping it into her mouth and swallowing it.
Vika and Lupus unconsciously strapped themselves in tighter, knowing exactly what she had planned. It wasn't going to be pretty.
Hemera coughed, her entire body beginning to glow yellow. She was shaking violently, her muscles being thrown into spasms as pure power flowed through her veins. She was moving so fast her clothing began to disintegrate and burn, the leather on the steering wheel already singed.
Then she injected the energy into the vehicle, covering the Heartbreaker in golden light. It flew across the track, literally floating across the asphalt.
Whiskey Joe looked back only to gawk with an open mouth as the Heartbreaker sped right past him, breaking the sound barrier and shattering all the windows on his car.
The Heartbreaker tore across the finish line, the light sputtering and dying. The vehicle was rapidly breaking down, the tires finally giving out and popping to shreds. Hemera fought for control as her power began to fade, but that also entailed a lack of concentration.
"Get ready for a harsh stop," she warned.
The car then flipped, slamming onto its roof and dragging across the asphalt harshly. It stopped after colliding with a wall, shattering its windows.
The Octanes quickly sent out a rescue team, only to see the riders crawling out from the holes in the windows.
"Oh God, I'm gonna hurl," spoke Lupus proceeding to do so.
Mortem joined him, not even able to gasp out any words.
"Good thin I'm really dead, or dat would ave sucked," grunted Vika stumbling out of the car, still not having obtained her balance yet.
Hemera got out of the car, staggering for a step or two before grinning widely. She whooped with joy, fists raised high.
"Let's do that again!" she shouted excitedly, like a child.
"No!" screamed her teammates.
"You guys are no fun!"
Nitro paused, noticing Whiskey Joe cross the finish line. He quickly did a mental list, counting off the people who had been destroyed during the race.
"…where's the Watchdogs?" he asked nervously.
"See, I told you this was the right idea!" spoke Amon adamantly. "This was the only way to do it without arousing suspicion!"
"And when someone questions our disappearance?" asked Jefferson.
"We died or something, who cares?"
"I am tolerant of your eccentric nature Amon, but you must learn to…"
"Bebabduh," spoke Amon in total gibberish, mocking him.
Jefferson paused, before attempting again. "You must learn to…"
"Qwibbly da dodapo!" shouted Amon.
"You must learn to…!"
"Wabba lakokako!"
"Listen to me Amon!"
"Never!" exclaimed Amon adamantly. "Stop being so stiff Jefferson! You're supposed to be the Hanged Man, not the Hard Man! Heh, get it?"
"Unfortunately, I do."
They both stopped at the doorway, Amon knocking in it without a second's hesitation.
A long metal spike stabbed through the wood, narrowly stopping at Amon's left eye.
"Who is it?" asked the voice from behind it, all eloquence and sweetness.
"Skeleton Jack," spoke Amon grinning, not concerned about the spike ready to gouge out his eye. "I'm here with the Hanged Man. We want to talk Davis."
"Call me by the name you know me as," stated the voice on the other side, withdrawing its spike. "Penetrator."
"Of course Penetrator."
"What do you wish to discuss?"
"…this Vault. You have a key, right?"
The voice was silent, only for the door to open. No one was standing there, the spike from earlier having been an elaborate trap on the door.
"Come into my abode gentlemen. Let's discuss…business."