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Chapter 26

The ship was quiet, on the cycle that was considered night when on board. Rey sat in the pilot's seat of the cockpit while Ben occupied the co-pilot's seat. It would be a few days before they arrived back at the Alliance base, and while everyone slept or rested, Rey was left in charge of Ben.

They were quiet, absorbed in watching the stars.

"Things seem less tense since I woke up. Any particular reason why?"

"You're not using the force to find out?" Rey asked.

"No, sometimes I wish I could just turn it off, it's too much for me. I thought I'd take a more conventional approach and ask you."

"Han woke up."

"And is he?"

"Han, yes." Rey's face crinkled into a smile. "I'm going to see my father again." She studied her brother's face but it remained indifferent. "Thank you."

He shrugged. "I had to do something…he's so damned irritating!"

Rey couldn't help herself, she barked out a laugh and Ben almost smiled.

"I think Leia might agree with you."

"She always called him that when they used to argue…" Ben lapsed as memories from his childhood flooded into his mind.

"What was it like? I mean when you were little? Before you know…"

"Before I went dark? It's all right, you can say it. It's not like it's a secret." He paused and closed his eyes as he tried to sort out his memories. "It was actually good…for the most part."

"Tell me about a good memory," she urged.

"A good memory? Hmm. Well, Han used to take me flying in the Falcon. There was one time that Leia went with us and we took a week. Leia had a bit of business to do but it only took a couple of days and the rest of the time we had together. That was a very rare thing."

"What did you do?"

"Lots of things. They took me to an amusement park, we rode lots of rides and ate lots of bad food. Han showed me how to win at a couple of games that were rigged and after getting an armful of stuffed animals we were asked to leave." He laughed. "I think Han taught me to cheat at those games. He justified it to mother by saying that if the games were rigged in the first place so people wouldn't win, then cheating to let people win only evened the odds."

"Did she buy it?"

"Yeah." Ben laughed. "But it took her a few minutes. I think she gave up trying to be mad about it when first me, and then Dad gave her a stuffed toy. I don't know why she liked the damn thing." He shook his head.

"Han told me to give her the stuffed Nerf, and I did, she kept it for years."

"That's a nice memory."

"Yeah, I guess. Seems like there are a few."

"I don't have any."

"But you don't have any bad memories of your parents either."

"I suppose that's something."

"You really want to know them better don't you?" Ben seemed mystified by her interest.

"Of course. I didn't know them for most of my life and they're my parents."

Ben snorted. "They weren't that good."

"But yet you have good memories of them."

"Only a few," he growled.

"It's okay to be good, or at least not bad."

"Working on it," he muttered.

"Tell me about them."

"Really? Why?"

"Because I want to know. They're my parents too."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "They have always been obnoxiously in love with each other."

"Really?" Rey's eye's twinkled and she turned in her seat to face him.

Ben laughed. "You believe in love? True love?"

"You don't? Of course I do. And if mother and father love each other it's so much better."

"You're as disgusting as they are." He grimaced.

"Tell."

"Not much to tell."

Rey couldn't help herself, she slapped his arm. "Come on, tell."

"They love each other…a lot." He gave her a small smile. "I'm actually surprised I don't have a few more siblings."

"And?"

"And that's it. It was embarrassing. They were embarrassing."

"You mean that literally? Not figuratively?" Rey was blushing as Ben nodded.

"Literally. I could hardly stand it, all those overwhelming emotions of love. And she wasted it all on him…"

"You didn't like that she spent so much time with him?"

"She spent all her time with him," he grumbled.

"You were jealous, weren't you? As a boy you were jealous of your father!"

Ben lapsed into a sullen silence.

"Why?"

"I tried not to listen, but I could hear their surface thoughts, Han was especially easy to read as his emotions flared bright. He was always thinking about my mother and the things he would do to her when they were alone. It was revolting."

Rey sat back and digested what Ben had just said, and smiled. "Did Leia think the same?"

"It didn't matter what she thought. She deserved better than him. A general? Who in his right mind would make him a general? He was a two-bit smuggler."

"A damn good smuggler!" Rey defended him.

"You approve?"

"Why not? He was good at it and he didn't go around killing people, did he?" She snarled at Ben.

"Oh, like that now is it?"

They glared at each other for a moment and Rey calmed herself and stared at Ben. "How is it now?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"How can you ever live with yourself after what you've done? After all of the innocent people that you killed?"

"I'm not remorseful yet, though I may get to that point." He sighed and rubbed a tired hand across his face, and stared at her. "I'm sure you don't know this, but I was diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder as a child, given medication. But it always made me feel slow. The force which seemed like a living thing to me, paled when I was on the drug and I didn't like that. I enjoyed the adrenaline rush, the power! I stopped taking the pills and pretended to take them. Now I can see that may have had something to do with the choices I made. It was part of the whole but not the entire problem." He shrugged. "They have put me back on my meds again."

"And you accept this now?" she asked cautiously.

"I guess. It seems I need to cooperate. It's not like I have anywhere else to go now, is there?"

"Probably not. Why are you willing to talk to me?"

"I'm bored to tears, I have nothing better to do, and you're better company than everyone else." He paused. "And you're like me."

"I'm nothing like you!"

"Yes." He leaned across the space and looked into her eyes. "The force doesn't just flow through us, it accelerates through us and explodes through us. I don't know how you survived the way you have all these years."

"I didn't know," she shrugged.

"How could you not?"

"What you don't know you have, I guess. Maybe my shields were better than yours."

"Apparently."

Their conversation was interrupted when the door to the cockpit opened and they looked up to see Luke assisting a barely standing Han inside the door. He stood in silence as he took in the sight of his two grown children sitting in his ship and looking back at him. He knew there was still much to be done and sorted out but right now he would accept the moment for what it was.

"Han…father, what are you doing up here? You should be resting," Rey scolded even as she ran to him and gave him a fierce embrace.

"Easy…" he groaned. "I'm functional, but barely," he whispered in her ear. "I am very glad to see you, to be able to do this."

Rey couldn't help it, she was crying against his shirt.

"Easy, Sweetheart, everything will be all right now. I promise."

Ben snorted causing Han to look over at him.

"I hope you're not expecting the same reaction from me."

"Far from it, but Luke tells me you've willingly gone back on your meds?"

"Yeah."

Han nodded. "That's a start."

"What's going to happen to me?" Ben asked, feigning indifference.

Han gently disengaged himself from Rey and with her assistance took a step towards Ben. "I don't know yet. That will have to be discussed."

"Not everyone knows Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are one and the same. Are you going to tell them?"

Han studied for floor for a few moments before meeting his son's eyes. "I honestly don't know. It's not just a matter of telling the truth. What you've done as Kylo has been horrible, there is no way to repay the families of the lives you took from them. As Kylo you may be executed. As Ben you may be rehabilitated if it's possible. You now have a gift of healing." He nodded to his brother-in-law. "Luke has suggested you test your healing abilities and if they remain it could serve two purposes."

"And what would they be?" Ben offered them a sardonic smile.

"Part of what you say your problem is, is that you have no means to relieve all of the energy of the force running through you. Healing took a great deal out of you. How have you felt since then?"

Ben hadn't really thought about it, but he realized that it had taken the edge off. "Somewhat better. Not as edgy."

"If you can learn how to refine this, how to channel this…"

"It would help keep me composed." Ben nodded. "It may be possible. And the other thing?"

Han grinned, giving his son his most irritating smile. "You get to help people, Ben. Save them. Just up your alley, right?"

Ben groaned.

"These are just ideas, Ben, but they could help," Luke said, speaking in an encouraging voice.

"It might be a good idea," Rey commented.

Han groaned again and leaned heavily on Luke.

"I told you not to get up," Luke groused.

"Had to, had to see them," he said and looked again at his children. He stopped and straightened himself up carefully, and stood tall for a few moments and met Ben's gaze with his own. "Thank you," he said to his son.

"For what?" For the first time since this conversation began, Ben appeared flustered.

Han swallowed. "For coming back to us…for bringing me back…to this, to life…"

The two men shared a long look for a few moments and finally Ben nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"Where's Leia?" Ben asked.

"Sleeping, I didn't want to disturb her," Han said.

"She doesn't want to see me, does she?"

"What do you think?"

Ben stared at the floor, only to look up a few moments later when Han started groaning again.

"Come on, time to get you back to bed," Luke said as he put his arm under his friend and escorted him back out of the cockpit.

"Well that was interesting," Ben said.

"He means it, you know."

"Yeah. I know. He always was too damn sincere."

"Are you worried about Leia?"

"Why would I worry about Leia?"

"Because she's your mother and doesn't seem inclined to forgive you."

"Oh, that. I suspect when she's ready she will have something to say to me. Nothing to do but wait for it."

They were quiet for a few moments until Rey snapped her fingers, and abruptly got up and left the cockpit leaving a bewildered Ben in her wake. She returned a minute later hiding something behind her back. "I have something of yours," she said in a sing-song voice.

Ben looked at her in amusement. "What could you possibly have that I would want?"

"It's from the before time, I remember that now."

His head wrinkled in thought wondering what it was that she meant. "The before time?"

"Yeah, you know, when we were both kids and were a family."

"Oh," he said softly, "that time."

"I don't remember much of it, not as much as I'd like to. But I remember that when I went off on that journey with Daddy, I was worried. And you, being a wonderful older brother gave me your favorite toy to calm me, asking only that I bring it back when I returned." She grinned and with a flourish produced a well-worn stuffed Wookie that had been young Ben's favorite toy.

"'Bacca!" He cried out in joy and reached for the toy that he immediately pulled against his chest.

Rey grinned with happiness at seeing him, just for a few moments act like the brother that she remembered.

"I'm sorry it took so long to get him back to you."

Ben looked up from his toy and couldn't quite hide the happiness from her. "It's only a toy," he said, casually attempting to dismiss his joyful reaction.

"Of course," she nodded, accepting the way he wanted to treat this, but she noted that he kept the toy close to him. "Okay. Shut up now."

"Why?"

"I want to watch the stars in silence."

"Fine," he said and sank back into the cockpit chair, quietly watching not the stars, but his new-found sister.

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Luke escorted Han back to his cabin, and under Han's insistence, left him in the fresher. Several minutes later after Han had taken care of his business and washed up, he found that without leaning on the sink he was sure he would fall. There was no way in the world that the muscles which had been unused for months was going to carry him from here to there.

He mentally uttered several different Corellian curses and was startled when he heard chuckling from his bunk.

"Han, what are you doing up? And what are you swearing at?" Leia sat up and looked at him, and he gasped out loud. He had forgotten they were both younger now, she was the young beauty that he had met all those years ago.

"Are you all right?" She asked, springing off the bed at the sound of his gasp.

"Yeah, I guess."

"What's wrong?" She came over to his side and touched his arm.

"What's wrong is that I'm weak as a baby Bantha, I can't even stand on my own." His expression turned into a pout.

"We'll, we'd better get you back to bed," Leia said, putting her arm around his waist.

He rather heavily leaned on her, but she wasn't about to protest, glad to feel his familiar weight against her once again.

"Thanks," he huffed when he collapsed on the bed. "Krist! Who knew I'd be so damn weak!"

"Better than the alternative," Leia quipped, but her expression was grim.

"Leia, honey! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"It's okay." She stared at him, examining every bit of him with her eyes, starting from the bottom down and ending with his handsome face. It took a couple of minutes, but Han remained silent until their gazes locked.

"I'm back, Leia, really. It's me."

She swallowed hard and regarded him in disbelief.

"Examine me if ya want, hop into my mind. It's me. No darkness, or at least no worse than usual!" He gave her his patented lopsided smile and her heart melted just a little more.

"I want you to check my mind too."

"What?" Han didn't quite catch her drift.

"I want you to do the same for me. I think you'll still be able to use the force."

"I will? Even though I'm alive?" He scratched his head. "It hadn't even occurred to me."

"I want you to see if there's darkness within me. I felt so close…"

"Leia, there's darkness within all of us. It's how we deal with it that matters. There's a difference between wanting to kill someone because they're a nuisance and actually acting on it."

"You mean like you when we first met?"

"Sweetheart, that's it exactly. You may have wanted to kill me but you didn't, and now look where we are. A lifetime together of love…"

"I hate it when you go romantic…"

"No, you don't."

Leia smiled, just a little bit. "No, I don't."

Sitting on the bed, Han wobbled. "I have to lay down. I think I'm going to need some pretty intense rehab when we get back home."

"You'll get it. I want my flyboy back."

"Oh, he'll be back, and in tip-top form. Though it may take a while." Han gave her a lewd grin. "And when I'm back in tip top form, Mrs. Solo, you will be ravished within an inch of your life. Several times." He nodded, quite satisfied with that verdict.

"I hope you can live up to that promise, Hotshot."

"Oh, believe me, I will," he yawned. "But Damnit, Leia, I have to sleep."

"Then I'll sleep with you."

"C'mere."

Leia scooted over and let Han wrap herself up in his embrace, and listening to the steady beat of his heart, the sound of his breathing, she fell asleep again too.