A/N: I know it has been WAAAYYY to long, but I hope you guys can for give me. I don't intend on leaving this story. I'm in it until the end! I hope you like it! Please review.
Song of chapter: 'Photograph' by: Ed Sheeran
Ally's P.O.V
"Have you called him since?" Dr. Elizabeth asks after I fully explained what happened between Austin and I during that one phone call we had.
"No." I say looking down as I play with my fingers.
"Have you thought about it I mean do you want to?" She asks jotting things down on her notepad.
"Of course I've thought about it, and of course I want to, it's just- it's just not that simple!" I say quite frustrated now.
"Why? Why isn't that simple? You called him before just do it again."
"Because the last time I tried to talk to him I freaked out." I say
"That's an even more reason why you should talk to him again."
"But why? Just for me to stutter a few words before I have to hang up because of a panic attack!?"
"No. Not for you to hang up on him but to explain." She says calmly
"Explain what? And didn't you just hear me I physically can't talk to him."
"I get that it's hard but you have to try, even if it takes a few tries."
I sigh before daring to say something else. Okay even if I did call him again what would I have to explain?"
"Okay put yourself in Austin's place." She says, shifting in her chair. "The last he has heard from you is when you chewed him out for what happened with Cassidy without even giving him a chance to explain once he found out the what was really going on, and what she was doing."
"But I did give him a chance! He just- he just didn't take it. He came over to pack up his things for the tour and I gave him a chance to explain, but he didn't! He-..." I stopped and thought back to that night. I was so angry at him. "He knew that I wasn't going to listen to anything that he said that night. We played the stubborn game and I lost." I explain
"But he thinks he lost." She says, leading me to look up at her again.
"What?"
"He thinks that he lost, everything." She pauses to write something in her notebook and then looks up at me. "Austin doesn't know that you want to give him a second chance. So as of right now he doesn't know what to think except that you want nothing to do with him anymore."
"But he has to know that that isn't true, because I called him that night of the concert he has to at least think that I want to forgive him or at least try too. Right?"
"Not necessarily" she says " At first he may have felt a little relief, but with the way the somewhat conversation ended, you left him with a lot of doubt. He now probably I'd thinking that you were going to end it, and that instead of saying it you hung up and hoped he got the message."
"But I had a panic attack. I was- I was panicking. I really did want to talk to him." I feel myself starting to get uneasy.
"We know that, but Austin doesn't because he doesn't know about your PTSD." Dr. Elizabeth explains.
Crap. No one ever told him.
"Ally are you okay to continue?" She asks probably seeing how uneasy I am by the look on my face. I slowly nod. "Alright let's continue."
"Can we- can we talk about something else?"
"Sure." She says before looking through her notes. "I understand that you wrote in journals before the accident. Do you read them to help you try and remember."
"I use to but I stopped."
"Why is that?"
"I wanted to try and remember those things on my own."
"Okay fair enough. Where did you stop?" She asks. I think back to the last time I read out of one.
"I finished the first two journals. It cover the first year or so of knowing Austin and Dez... But I did skip to most recent book I was writing in before the crash."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to know why I found signed divorce papers hidden in Austin's things, so skipped to close to the end found out that we were fighting a lot because he wasn't coming home, and that was the last thing I read."
"The last thing? You didn't read anything else?"
"Not really why?"
"Nothing. I think it's good that you chose to stop, because it seems to be working with you regaining some of your memories."
"Oh, okay." I say "I have a question, why is that I get freaked out with so many other things but I have no problem driving in a car? I was in a car accident isn't that's what supposed to freak the hell out of me the most?"
"Well who's car were you driving in the accident?"
"I was driving mine." I answer
"Who's car do you drive now?"
"I have to drive Austin's because mine got totaled in the accident." I explain
"Well that could be a reason in itself. The fact that first, you don't even remember the accident, and second, you're not even driving the same car could be a very good reason. Have you had any good memories of that car, Austin's car, that you remember having? Like buying it or having your first memory back etc...?" She asks. I then think back to when I was completely terrified to go back into a car and drive Austin was right there to comfort me. Ever since then it bothered me to travel in a car less and less until it doesn't at all.
"Yeah I do have one good memory." I say thinking back.
"Well then, I think you just answered your question."
LINEBREAK
"I'm going to do it." I say to myself as I start taking my clothes out of drawers. I've been thinking over what Dr. Elizabeth said, and I finally convinced myself to go and talk to Austin face to face. I have no I dead I what I would even say but I can figure that out later. After a while I finally find where we keep the suitcases, I take one out and start packing in my clothes. I soon thereafter hear the doorbell ring as I'm in the middle of trying to get everything to fit in the suitcase, since I don't know how long I'm going to be away. I drop what I'm doing and go downstairs to answer the door.
I wonder who it could be. I think to myself before reaching for the handle and opening the door, but when I see who it is I'm totally caught off guard.
"Dad?" I say. The word sounding foreign since not having to say it in so long.
"Hi sweetie."
"W- what are you doing here?" I ask still at a loss for words.
"Can I come in?" He asks ignoring my question.
"Um- uh yeah- yeah of course." I say gesturing him inside. Once he's inside there's this awkward silence shared between us. I don't really know what to say.
"Um are you going somewhere?" My dad asks gesturing to the suitcase that was in the far area of the room.
"Da- um uh- what are you doing here?" I ask him again
"I'm still your dad Ally." He says, taking a few steps forward
"That's not what I was told." I say my arms now crossed as I remember our last encounter.
"Ally please don't-"
"Can you please just answer my damn question as to why you are here!" I say louder then intended, and I regret the words as soon as they come out. I can see he's taken aback by my outburst.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing." He says
"Why?"
"Why? Because I care about you" he says as though it's supposed to be obvious.
"Really? So ignoring my calls during, most likely, the hardest time in my life, that I remember is considered to be caring?! I needed you dad, I really needed you and you weren't there."
"I know sweetheart, I know. But I'm here now so please just let me be."
"But your not."
"What do you mean?"
"What's the real reason as to why you're here?"
"I just told you."
"Really? Because the dad I knew would've never let me leave moms house that day without somebody. You would've so wanted to explain yourself, or talk to me so badly that you probably would have followed me home. But you didn't, I left that day and haven't heard a thing from you since until today, so why is that?" He sighs heavily before daring to respond, obviously thinking carefully as to what to say.
"I didn't like the way things ended with you and I up in Orlando at your mothers. I also wanted to give you space."
"Space, really?" I decided instead of going on with my current train of thought, that I didn't want to have this conversation. "Dad I have to go." I say looking at the time on my phone.
"Wh- wait. Where are you going?"
"I have a flight to catch, and I don't want to talk about this right now."
"Ally, I came all the way here to talk to you and now your just leaving?"
"Yes." I say, grabbing the handles of my suitcase and dragging it to the front door.
"Als at least let me drive you to the airport. Then I could also explain everything to you." When he says this I become hesitate. I've been driving in the same car since the accident, and I don't know if I'll be able to change.
"No dad I don't think that's a go-"
"Please Ally. It's the least I can do and I want to do it." He pleads. I eventually give in despite my efforts to say no.
"Fine."
"Thank you Als." He says picking up my suitcase and going to his car. I follow behind him, closing and locking the door behind me. I stand by the car watching my dad put my stuff in the back. "The door isn't locked so you can go in." I hear him say as he walks over to the drivers seat and opens his door about to get it, when he realizes that I haven't moved. "Um Ally are you okay?" He asks probably thinking that I might change my mind about going with him, and I was honestly thinking about it.
"Uh yeah. I'm fine." I say opening the door and hesitantly go inside.
"I'm glad you decided to allow me to take you to the airport." He says as he starts to drive.
"Can you just take the quickest way to get there." I say uneasily
"Um sure. Are you okay?"
No
"I'm fine. Just the sooner I get there the better."
"Where are you going anyway?"
"New York." I say. Squirming in the chair.
"Why?"
"I'm going to visit Austin..."
"...oh"
"What?" I asked questioning the sound of his response
"I just thought you two weren't together anymore." He says
"What makes you think that?"
"Well first when you went over to your mothers house, and then he went on tour without you knowing what you are going through." He says
"Oh so you know when Austin goes on tour, but you don't know when I get in life threatening car accident. Nice."
"Again Ally I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't really cut it anymore." I say then turn to look out the window
"Then what do you want me to say?"
"Nothing. Can we just get to the airport already." I say becoming uneasy in my seat.
"Well obviously there is something." He says gesturing to my hand, which was currently very tightly gripped to the door handle to point of my knuckles turning white, as if holding for dear life. Which I guess I was subconsciously doing.
"Nothing. Now please stop." I say slowly loosening my grip. There I a moment of silence between us for a while before he speaks again.
"Are you sure that you want to travel such a long distance so soon after your accident?" He asks
"Please stop." I say. The palms of my hands beginning to feel sweaty and clammy.
"I mean it's a long way to travel by yourself so soon don't you think?"
"I'm asking you to stop." I say as he continues. I feel my heartbeat begin to pound harder.
"Aren't you afraid that something might happen. I think I would." He says, and that's my blowing point
"Stop the car." I say hardly able to breathe
"What? Are you okay?"
"I said to stop the damn car!" I yell. "Oh crap." He then immediately pulls over. Once he stops I find my door open and jump. I find myself on the ground leaning against the side of the car with my knees tightly pressed against my chest. I try and slow down my breathing but it's harder then usual because the scenes of the accident that I can remember keep playing back in my head.
"Ally are you okay? What's going on?" My dad keeps asking I can hear the panic in his voice, but I don't respond. I'm to busy trying to calm myself down from the overload of fear that I'm currently experiencing.
It wasn't long before I was finally able to calm down, but these anxiety and panic attacks are getting worse.
"Ally what just happened?!" My dad asks now seeing that I somewhat more relaxed.
"A panic attack, or anxiety I get them confused sometimes ." I say, my breathing gradually starting to slow down, and I finally stand up. It wasn't until I was standing that I remembered that we were on the side of the road. I slowly get back back into the car, and my dad goes around to his side and gets in, still obviously confused on what just happened. "Dad you can't do that." I saw before he can ask me any questions. "I only agreed to having you drive me to the airport, because you said you were going to explain what happened between you and I. You can't just be bringing up Austin like that." I explain
"Is that normal? You freaking out like that, has that happened before?"
"Yes. Now can you please stop with the questions, and just get me to the airport." I say to him
"Wait you still want to go!?" He asks confused
"What do you mean? Of course I'm still going, or I would like to go but if you don't start moving the freaking car I won't make it on time."
"How do you expect to be able to talk to Austin if you can't even talk about him without freaking out?"
"I don't know yet, I was hoping to figure that out on the trip to New York. I just can't wait anymore I have to at least see him."
"I thought you didn't even remember him." He says finally starting to drive again.
"A lot has changed since we saw each other last."
"So you got your memory back?" He asks, and I'm not sure if he sounds excited or disappointed.
"No. Only a few things."
"Oh well I brought these..." He says as he lifts the cars arm rest and then takes out a few pictures and hands them to me. "I read somewhere that pictures help with regaining memories from memory loss, so I did a little digging around and found these. I hope they help." He hands me a medium sized stack of pictures. Instead of looking through them I decided that it would be best to look at them later so I don't chicken out, so I put them in my purse. I look up and see that we are approaching the airport.
"Your not going to look at them?"
"Not now. Besides I wouldn't even if I wanted to, we're here." I reply
"Are you sure about this?"
"What?" I ask even though I know what he means
"Are you sure that you can see Austin. Like I kind of said before, you couldn't even have me talk about him without freaking out how are you going to handle it?"
"And like I said before I don't know, but I have to try!" I snap and turn around to open the car door. I get out and go to the trunk, and he follows.
"I'm just trying to look out for you." He says as he hands me my suitcase.
"I don't believe you." I say about to turn and leave "Anyway, thank you for the ride and the pictures hopefully they help, and goodbye." I say and walk away without another word.
After an hour of going through the routine airport procedure, and getting stopped my some fans I was finally boarded on the plane. I then decided to quickly call Trish and tell her what I was doing. She was still away with Dez, and I knew that if I told her sooner she would come back.
Trish/ Ally
Hey Als what's up? Are you okay?
I'm on a plane
What?
I'm on a plane to New York... to see Austin. Don't tell him! I say to her.
What!? Why didn't you tell me sooner?!
Because I knew that you would want to come back, and I don't want you to.
Damn right I would've. A plane for fucks sake what are you thinking?!
I'm thinking that I need to see him no matter how far away he is.
I'm glad that you finally grew a pair and decided to do this, but you couldn't have waited until he came somewhere closer than New York?! What if you have a panic or anxiety attack!?
I'll be fine. I'll just take a sleeping pill or something. Look I have to go we are about to go. Just please don't tell Austin okay?
I won't but Ally I-
I have to go Trish. Bye I say before hanging up and putting my phone on airplane mode. After a few minutes I remembered the stack of pictures my dad gave me so I take them out and start going through them. As I go through them I don't recognize or remember anything but a few vague things like where the picture might have been taken, or the event. I stop and admire a few or them longer then others like a picture that seemed to have been taken at my wedding, and one at graduation. I go through a few more until I stop at a picture that seems to be more familiar then the rest, I stop and study it a little longer. The picture wasn't anything out of the ordinary, it had Austin and I in it, I was wearing a red blouse, and Austin was wearing a regular black t-shirt with some silver thing around his neck I think it's a whistle or something. I feel some kind of weird connection to this specific picture for some unknown reason, more then I have then I've had with the others so far.
What is it about this picture?
I think and stare at it for a few moments longer until finally, I got it.
FLASHBACK
"Another one?" Austin asks as I take out back my phone.
"Yes! I didn't look good in the other one so we have to redo it. I don't know why you don't like talking pictures you always look so good in them." I say positioning my hand to the right angle.
"So do you you, so I don't see why we have to take another one. We've taken a billion."
"Your so dramatic, and I want it to be perfect."
"Or course it's going to be perfect, your in it." He says, then kisses the top of my head. No matter how many times he does things like that I still get major butterflies in my stomach. I smile up at him and then look back at my phone.
"Okay, now smile!" I snap the picture and look at it. "Perfect!" I say satisfied. I can practically feel Austin rolling his eyes playfully at me.
"Yeah just like the other gazillion we took." He says, as he interwinds his finger with mine, and we keep walking along the beach.
"Wow look at the sunset. It's so beautiful!" I saw trying to take it all in.
"Yeah, absolutely stunning." I look over at him at to finds that he's already looking at me. I start to blush despite my attempt not to. We both stay quiet for a while, looking back at the ocean. Austin was behind me with his hands wrapped around my waist and my head leaning against his chest. We just stood there just taking in the view as it slowly started to disappear.
"I love you Ally." Austin says breaking the silence. I tense up at his words.
Did he- did he just say that he loves me? He's- never said that before! What do I do!?
I think to myself. I turn around to look at and before I can attempt to respond he says something else.
"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that- that I love you." He says. I look in his eyes and I can't help but get lost in them. Not able to speak I stroke my had on the side of his face, and then I slowly press my lips against his. He then reacts by pulling me closer to him by my waist. I put arms around his neck.
"I love you too Austin." I say in the kiss.
He loves me.
PRESENT
Ally's .
Oh crap.
A/N: Okay so I hope you liked the very long awaited chapter! I'm sooooooooo sorry for how long it has been. Just know that I have ABSOLUTELY no intention on leaving this story, or my other story 'Warrior'. Please please please review. And again I'm really sorry!