I know I haven't updated for a week, but I was trying to do my other story and you guys did have a massive chapter!
Now, my quote for this chapter... It's very conventional (it's not from a film, song or TV) and I do not want to offend anyone (especially the one who said this)
"HE DIDN'T BREATHE OUT. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN. I SWEAR, IF MY BABY IS DEAD I WILL TURN YOU INTO SHOES. GREAT UGLY MEAT PEOPLE SHOES. HE DIDN'T BREATHE OUT!? WHAT. THE. FUCK. I THOUGHT WE WERE BUDS." A review for Chapter 24 – A Tear Fell by Kohei Takano
Dedication; To those who wanted Gwaine to live.
In Memory of the Fallen
Chapter 26 – In the Midst of Life, we are in Death
He smiled slightly, and said; "I never was one for orders, was I?"
Gwaine breathed in slightly.
He didn't breathe out.
Merlin's POV
"Gwaine?"
Merlin's voice was shaking, almost failing him as he struggled to force the words out. It was soft, and it held worry, but it echoed in the loud silence that had followed his words.
Merlin stood there, unable to move, straining his ears. Around him, the room had gone quiet... deathly quiet. Hoping against all of their hope, each occupant desperately trying to hear the faint sound of breathing, or seeing the slight rise and fall of Gwaine's chest.
But it didn't happen.
His Magic which he was famous for among the Druids and the creatures of the Old Religion, his Power at being the 'Greatest Sorcerer to ever walk the earth' and the 'Most Powerful Warlock ever known to Mankind', his 'Strength' and his 'Compassion', had failed him.
His Magic that he had been born with which one of his Best Friends had just found out.
Because for all of the myths, for all of the legends that he was surrounded him, he had still failed to protect what mattered most.
He had failed to protect his family.
For another one of his friends had just joined the ranks of the Dead.
Arthur's POV
Arthur stared down at Gwaine, as his brain refused to comprehend what he saw. In his heart, he still held belief that Gwaine would live, still hoping, but his head told him otherwise. His head told him that Gwaine was dead.
"I was never one for orders, was I?"
But, like Gwaine, Arthur was never really one for orders.
"I was never one for orders, was I?"
Like Gwaine, he had tried to follow what his heart commanded him to do.
"I was never one for orders, was I?"
But unlike him, the King of Camelot, Gwaine had succeeded.
"I was never one for orders, was I?"
Because Arthur's heart was breaking into small, fragmented pieces.
"I was never one for orders, was I?"
He had lost another Comrade, another Friend, another member of his Family.
"I was never one for orders, was I?"
But even when he was dying, Gwaine had still held onto to who he was, he still held onto his Inner Being, he still held onto his silent choice to never hurt his friends.
"I was never one for orders, was I?"
Gwaine had gotten the last laugh.
Arthur gave himself up to the cold, cold feeling that his heart had disappeared...
And that no matter hard he could try; he would never get it back.
"I was never one for orders, was I?"
Gaius POV
In his long, long life as a man and as a Physician, Gaius had seen many people Pass. Each time, the loss of a beautiful, innocent soul had hurt him; because he had failed in his task of keeping them alive.
But he kept on going with his life, and with his work, healing and fulfilling his Heart's Desire. And over the years, the remaining pieces of his broken heart had slightly hardened, and he no longer let the cold fingers of the Passing touch his heart.
In his long, long life as a man and as a Physician, the Passing hadn't hurt as much as this one...
And not once had anybody quite reacted like the group of people around him.
"Gwaine? Gwaine?" Percival yelled the refusal to give up hope evident in his voice. He moved forward in two long strides till he was once more beside Gwaine's bed. He fixed his massive hands in the middle of the Fallen Knight's chest, and entwined his fingers together.
Gaius knew what Percival was about to do, but he didn't make any move to try and stop him, didn't make any move to give him advice.
Science had failed them; Science had left Gwaine for dead.
Magic had failed them; Magic had let Gwaine die.
Only Human Compassion could save Gwaine now.
Merlin's POV
"Come on, Gwaine, come on!" Elyan and Leon said, each gripping one of Gwaine's limp, pale hands tightly as they watched Percival start the chest compressions. Everybody was fixated on the Knight's efforts to resurrect Gwaine, and nobody spoke, nobody breathed.
It was as if they all held their breath, and if their hearts missed every other beat, then collectively, they could bring Gwaine back to life. Merlin included himself into his category, even though he felt that he had already given everything.
He had given his life. He had given his Loyalty. He had given his Magic. He had given his Heart. He had given his Soul.
But it still wasn't enough.
"Please, Gwaine, please," Guinevere implored, weeping as she saw Percival switching to giving oxygen to Gwaine.
"Come on Gwaine, come on." Dastan pleaded, water overflowing from his eyes as he stood by the Man who had Saved Him. "You have to breathe, you have to! You can't leave me! You can't leave me. You can't leave-"
His voice faltered, before fading altogether, leaving his final sentence unfinished, but another person took up his plea.
"-me. You can't leave me Gwaine. Not here, and not now. Please, Gwaine, please."
Lady Butter's voice was soft, her tears over-spilling and colouring her words, making them barely coherent. But Merlin still managed to understand her, still managed to receive the message behind her words.
"Dammit Gwaine, breath. Please, if we ever meant anything to you, do this one thing for us. BREATH!"
Percival's tortured sobs filled the air as he punctured every syllable with another thump on the Fallen Knight's chest.
But Gwaine still didn't move, and he still didn't breathe.
Gaius' POV
The Old Physician didn't know was long he was standing there as he viewed Percival trying to resurrect Gwaine. All he knew was that the words that he had had spoken to Merlin in what seemed like days ago but in reality was only hours revolved around and around in his head.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
Gaius squeezed his eyes tight as his heart revolted to what his brain knew.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
Desperately, he tried to block the words out, but slowly they infiltrated his sense of reasoning and violently they forced their way through the cracks in his heart.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
A sense of numbness didn't manage to overcome all of his senses in time, for he was still able to feel the disgust and the grief, and the anger and the pity that his heart inflicted onto his soul.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
His soul... His soul that once upon a time, when he was a young man was white. But now, as Time had passed, and all of the terrible things he had committed, Gaius' soul was no longer white, and it was no longer pure.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
Now, it was a dark and violent colour
Black.
The colour of anger, hatred, darkness, illness,
Fear,
Death.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
Almost as if it had a mind of its own, Gaius' hand reached out to clasp Percival's shoulder. His tongue felt clumsy in his mouth as he spoke, but he still forced the word out.
"Percival."
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
"Leave him Gaius!" Elyan said sharply, defending his Comrade as he concentrated fiercely on his Friend who was trying to Save Gwaine.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
"Percival."
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
"Leave him Gaius," Another voice sounded, but this time, it wasn't Elyan... It was Leon. Gaius was startled to see that tears were dripping down the King's Right Hand Man's face, and his voice shook with emotions which was so unlike his normal stoic self. "Can't you see that he's our last chance? I've lost too many good men over the years, I will not lose another!"
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
Gaius almost gave up then and there. He so desperately wanted to have some of the little bit of Hope and Belief in their hearts.
He so desperately wanted Gwaine to live.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
But again, his body rebelled against him, and again, his heavy tongue that was hot in his mouth moved a fractional amount.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
"Percival."
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
"N-no," the Gentle Giant finally whispered in reply as he resumed pumping at Gwaine's heart after blowing his life essence into him for the infinite time. "I've lost too much; I can't give up now. I've lost too many friends, I've lost my home, and I have lost my family. I can't lose another Gaius, I can't."
It almost broke Gaius, there and then, like he had done earlier. The words of Percival were full of emotion; love, loss, loyalty, guilt, grief.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
All was quiet; the only sound the sniffling of the people around him.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
The only movement was the flow of tears.
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
But then Gaius had to break it then, didn't he?
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
One word...
One stupid, single word...
"Either he survives the Darkness of Night, or he will succumb to the Light of Day."
"Percival."
Arthur's POV
Arthur felt... strange, like his mind was disconnected from his body and looking down onto the scene before him. An absentminded thought presented itself that shock had kicked in, but Arthur ignored it.
In a way, he savoured the separation of mind from the body. It meant that he couldn't feel. He couldn't feel the emotions that had set his heart on fire, he couldn't feel the salty water that had replaced his blood run through his veins and he couldn't respond to Percival.
"Percival."
It was almost as if someone had physically kicked the Gentle Giant in the chest, and all because of one word. Percival had gasped, and a great tremor ran through-out his body like all of the air had been knocked out of him.
The Giant had looked down at Gwaine...
And broke down.
"Pl-please Gwaine, please," Percival begged. "Please."
Guinevere was nearby, so even though she was grieving for Gwaine, she still had the presence of mind to move shakily forward and envelop the Muscle Man into a hug. Together, the bodies shook with the weight of their tears.
It wasn't Percival though that shocked Arthur back into his body so they were one, it was someone else.
Someone who's grief overwhelmed him, and knew no bounds.
Lady Butter's.
"NO!"
The sound was almost torn from her throat as she witnessed Percival give up on Gwaine. It was heart wrenching, it was world shattering, it was a voice filled with pure emotion.
It was the voice of someone whom had lost the one person they cared for more than anybody else in the whole world.
Arthur saw her standing beside Dastan, who stood there, frozen to the spot, his mouth open and face wet. The same could not be said for Lady Butter however, for when she saw that Percival had stopped trying to bring Gwaine back to life, she took a step forward, then another.
Even though he clung to her like a shadow, Dastan did not move when Lady Butter did and instead remained on the space upon which he stood on, looking like a stone statue...a stone statue which had been left out in the rain.
Lady Butter started to move towards Gwaine like a man possessed, intent on getting to him and probably to continue trying to bring him back to life. She pushed past the others (Leon and Elyan) who had tried to stop her like they were child's toys as she continued, determined on her quest.
Suddenly, Arthur's Body and Mind reconnected themselves and immediately he stepped forward, into the path of Lady Margarine Butter. She attempted to push past him, but the Once and Future King stood his ground as he enveloped his arms around her.
"N-No," She croaked, still staring at Gwaine. "N-no."
She still fought feebly, trying to free herself when Arthur spoke.
"I'm sorry."
She broke down then, and together, the Beautiful Lady all dressed in white and the King dressed in red held onto each other as they cried.
Merlin's POV
Numbly, Merlin stood there, not thinking not moving... just, stood there. There were no tears falling down his face and his clothes were not stiff from salt, or his eyes red. He had run out of tears to shed long ago.
Perhaps, it was a mark of how many of his Loved Ones he had lost. There were so many now; Freya, Will, Balinor, Tristan, Isolde, the Morgana of Old, Magic Users, and now Gwaine. Merlin was tired of losing his Loved Ones, and he was tired of working in secret. He was tired of murder and self defence, and he was tired to be the bearer of bad news. He was tired of the suffering he caused, and he was tired of the lies and the deception.
He was so very tired.
But the tiredness had reminded him of one of his duties. So with heavy steps and shoulders hunched, Merlin made his way to the Poison Cupboard. He had a promise to keep.
"Well," William asked with an air of expectance as soon as Merlin shut his bedroom door. "H-"
But as soon as he saw Merlin's face, the rest of the words died in his mouth.
"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry." Isolde said breaking the silence that has followed Will's cut off question.
"You don't deserve it mate," Tristan said, shaking his head in sorrow. "You've lost so many, and Gwaine was so young..."
"I can't believe it," Lancelot said, stunned. "I never thought Gwaine would die. He would never have left you willingly."
"Of course it wouldn't be willingly," Merlin snapped. "I should have known though – I should have known! The signs were all so obvious-"
"Son, what do you mean?" Balinor asked in concern. "Surely the Knight died from his wounds?"
But Merlin was shaking his head before all the words had left his Father's mouth. "It was me – it was my entire fault. My cursed Magic killed one of my Best Friends! I should have known. Everybody who knew of my Magic has died. I'm cursed."
"No-"Lancelot started, but Merlin cut across him and continued.
"But this time, it couldn't be a sword, or an Evil Mage, or a sacrifice, could it? Oh no," Merlin laughed sarcastically, "That would be too easy! That would be History repeating itself and the Goddesses couldn't have that, could they! So instead they decided to enact the worse punishment on me... That I would kill the Secret Sharer that I would be the reason they Passed into the Afterlife. That by trying to heal them with my Magic, it ended up to be the Death Blow."
"Stop this. Stop this right now," Balinor said, his deep voice having the same effect that Gaius had on Percival earlier – causing the Warlock to take a step back like a blow had been struck. "Never insult the Goddesses, and never blame yourself or the Gift that you possess! The idea that you have in your head is ludicrous! Your Magic would have reacted to the spell you used, so even though you are not successful with Healing Spells, the Intent and your Will would have guided it in the right direction. Did you want to heal Gwaine?"
"Yes, bu-"
"Has Hunith died?"
"No-"
"Has Gaius died?"
"No-"
"Has Kiligarrah or Aithusa died?"
"No-"
"Well then." Balinor said, interrupting his Son. "It would have carried out your Desire. It is just unfortunate that it didn't manage to Heal him in time."
Merlin sighed then and his body relaxed from the angry posture he had unconsciously been posing.
"I'm sorry."
"There's no need to be," Isolde said, smiling kindly at Merlin, even though she had tears dripping down her face. "You should be down there with the rest of them, not talking to us people up here."
"You wouldn't have known what had... happened otherwise."
"I think we might have been able to put it together," Merlin's Childhood's Best Friend said. "We could hear most of what was going on, though words were obviously muffled. Then if you put the sudden heightened sounds of activity along with the fact that Freya has disappeared then it all adds up."
"What?" Merlin breathed in disbelief. He looked towards the centre of the Portrait, where he expected his Love to stand... except she wasn't there. Silently, Merlin cursed himself, because even though one of his Best Friends might have Passed, he still should have noticed that his Soul Mate had vanished into thin air.
"She never said where she was going," Tristan mused, "So why go to another part of the Castle when she is needed here? She had a Duty to you (as do all of us) so why leave you? Why now?"
Merlin reared back, stunned. Feverishly, his mind that had been in a stupor began to stir, whirring faster and faster as it put the pieces together along with what he could see. But he needed to check it, before he could voice his theory.
"Has any of you been in that sector?" Merlin asked, pointing to the specific bit.
Everybody shook their heads, and finally, all of the pieces clicked.
"She didn't leave me." Merlin whispered in sadness. "She's fulfilling her Duties, except not like you guys. She's fulfilling her other Duties – the ones as the Guardian of Avalon. She's fulfilling her Duties by Guiding Gwaine to the After-Life. Even though she left me, it was for a greater purpose." Merlin smiled with grief, his eyes finally producing tears which he noticed that Freya's Occupants also held. "She didn't want Gwaine to be alone, and afraid, as she knew how much he meant to me, which is why..."
He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence with words. Instead, he raised a shaking hand which rested with a caress on the bottom of the painting.
The others gasped, as they looked from the Portrait to Merlin's grief stricken face and then back to the Portrait.
"D'Arvit," Isolde muttered in awe, "She's brilliant."
Merlin felt the same way, for Freya had been brilliant.
He looked again at the once snow white canvas, which was now bleeding colours of mischievous brown, and cheeky peach.
The space in which Gwaine will reside grew.
Gaius' POV
"M'boy," The Old Physician said cautiously as he peered around Merlin's door. "It's Time."
He saw Merlin staring at his Portrait, with a look of wonder and deep sadness on his face. It was apparent that he had been talking to the Occupants, and Gaius was relieved that some people would be able to comfort his Ward properly, and reassure him that his Magic had not caused Gwaine's Death.
He knew that as the Boy's Uncle and Mentor, he should be able to do the same, but Gaius couldn't. Maybe it was because there were people who knew not of Merlin's secret, maybe it was because deep down, in a selfish part of his brain, he thought it was Merlin's fault. Maybe though, it was the fact that Gaius blamed himself too, more so then Merlin did to himself.
Gaius turned abruptly and walked back downstairs to where everybody else was waiting, knowing that his Nephew would follow soon behind.
It was Time to say Goodbye.
No rank was pulled for who to go first, and no quarrel was made whilst they waited. They all hung back, desperate to not be the first ones to speak, yet they were jittery when someone else moved slightly forward as if to take the mantle. The room was silent, and it was cold. The morning rays to everybody else would look warm, cosy, hopeful, joyous and inviting.
Not to the people in the room that Gaius was now standing in.
To them, it was deceitful, cruel, unjust, unkind, a taunt against what they had stood for, what they had hoped for, what they had belived in.
What they had lost.
Merlin still hadn't come down from his room and Gaius knew that he wouldn't like what he would see when he did. The mindless people who bumbled around yet were absolutly still like sheep would torment the poor boy. Gaius did have a Duty to uphold, to Gwaine, and to Merlin. So he stepped forward and aproached the Fallen Knight's Death bed.
"I'm sorry Gwaine."Gaius said, addressing the man's peaceful face. "I failed. I failed in my Duty as a Physician, I failed in Duty as... dare I say it, your friend. And I failed in my Duty as a Councellor." Gaius stopped and sniffed here, before continuing, his voice going a little unsteady. "I had such high hopes for you, you know. I have Waited, Waited for so long for someone to notice, and for someone who cared. First it was Lancelot, then it was you, and now, I don't think there's anybody left. You managed to open his heart up again, and you managed to get him to let you in. You were the first to notice the wrongdoings and the lies.
Why, why did I have to be right?" Gaius whispered. Why couldn't I, for once, be wrong and that my calculations were off? So that way, you wouldn't Fade when the Light of Day appears, after have'n Survived the Darkness of Night? Why do I have to look down on you, on your body as it is surrounded and illuminated by the Gold Glow of Sunlight? Why?"
You were such a good man, and you didn't deserve to die like this. I think, no, I know that I'm going to miss you."
With that, Gaius stepped back from the bed and turned around, before heading away from the body of his Hope. Behind him, he could see the sympathetic gazes of everybody on him as they saw his red eyes and beheld the water running down his face. But they didn't comment, and they didn't react. And he was glad that they didn't, in a way.
Leon went next.
"Gwaine." The Long Locked Knight looked down on the body of his Comrade and one of his Friends. Even from behind Leon, the Old Physician could tell that the Knight was crying. "I'm sorry I didn't get there in time. I'm sorry I was too late. If only I had left those stupid rules of decorum for once and instead acted on my own accord, then you might be still alive."
There was quiet at Leon's words as he spoke his Elegy to the Fallen Knight. There was a sense of shock, for Leon had spoke about breaking the rules, and he had never wanted to do that, and he had never done that. Never.
Until today.
"You were a good man, an honourable one, though you may not always seem it. You were a good friend to have, always ready for a laugh, always ready to cheer someone up, or fight someone else. I never told you, and now I regret that I didn't, but you were one of the best Swordfighters I have ever seen. You almost always won, and even though I had beaten you on a few occasions, it was only because you were distracted, yet you granted me the Victor of a fair match anyway.
You were a man of many talents, and one of them was to be a Great Man, and a Great warrior, and Person. You judged people, not on their Rank, but on their character, and I am honoured, as a Son of a Noble, to consider myself to be one of a select group of people to call you a true friend."
His hand went up and wiped at his face as Leon gazed down at his Friend one more time, before turning abruptly away and heading back towards the group. His normal stoic expression was gone, and it had been replaced by one with complete sadness and grief. Again, no one reacted or talk. It was as if everyone was in their own little word, unaware of the people around them.
Gwaine could have that effect on people.
"My Friend." Elyan started off, regarding his Comrade's broken, yet complete body. "We have had good times, and we have had bad times. There were times when I didn't think we would survive, and there were times when I wanted them to never end, for I was talking and laughing and belonging like ever before. Because for the first time since my Mother Passed and I left Camelot, I felt wanted. You helped me that, you helped me to fit in here, and you always helped me out in a fight.
But I didn't help you, and I am so ashamed of myself. I could have gotten there sooner, I know. I should of been a better friend and look out for you at the feast. I knew that you were sitting by that pig and I knew he would wind you up whilst you tried to be civilised. I knew, yet I didn't look, and I didn't see. That makes me a terrible person, doesn't it? But do you know what makes it worse? What makes it worse is that I laughed at the seating arrangements. I was such a poor friend, and I didn't deserve you."
Elyan was full on crying now, his body shuddering with the sobs that escaped him, yet he battled on, wanting to finish his speech.
"So when you are Looking Down on us from the Heaven you are currently residing in, where there are most likely a beautiful bunch of woman, remember me, will you? Remember me, the man who never deserved you. Remember me, the one who failed you. Remember me, and please, please, forgive me."
Elyan spun on the spot, and taking one last look at Gwaine, he marched away, walking straight past his sister who had whispered "Elyan, please." and towards Leon, who stood there, dark and brooding. The two Knights of the Round Table looked at each other, and they nodded, quick, sharp movements, before they turned, to watch and listen
Gaius watched as the Once and Future King strode up to Gwaine.
Arthur's POV
Arthur gazed down at Gwaine, his mind a total blank. His mind had been swarming with what he could say, but now that it was the Time to do so, all of his ideas and words had disappeared at the sight of his Friend.
Somebody had obviously cleaned Gwaine up whilst he had been... occupied because the Knight was looking clean. There was no blood, no pus, no brain fluid, no ugly used up bandages, nothing. His wounds had been cleared and rebound, with bandages that seemed to shimmer a slight gold, though it was probably only the tears in Arthur's eyes. The Fallen Knight's face looked peaceful, as if he was sleeping, but Arthur knew that this wasn't the case.
Opening his mouth, he started to speak, his voice trembling uncontrollably.
"Hey Gwaine. I- I still haven't got the hang of speaking with emotions, but I'm going to give it a try, OK? Just... don't mock me wherever you are. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard, but, I don't think it is working." Arthur stopped, and gulped loudly, his throat suddenly have'n gone dry. "You know, now is the time when you sit up, look at me and make fun of me, like you used to, you know? You need to say; 'Ha! The Princess has finally admitted she has feelings!' But I guess that's not going to happen, and it never will again...
I still stand by my words I said earlier, you know. You were always a better man than me, Gwaine. You ruled by your Heart, not with your Head, like me. Sometimes, I wish that I could just... switch all of my emotions off, and it would be so much easier. I did that, in the beginning, you know. But then you came along and teased me and gradually without realising it, I became more... free. That's your influence on me.
But now I can feel myself shutting down, and my mask returning and I don't want it, Gwaine! I don't want it to happen! I'm so scared... I'm so scared that I'm going to end up like my Father. And I need you Gwaine... except that you're not here, and you will never be here again. I need you because you would always speak your mind, no matter what the consequences. I need you because you would be able to cheer me p and make me feel better. I need you because you will always do what's right.
In your last moments, you said that; 'I was never one for orders, was I?'
"But you were wrong," Arthur breathed in the silence, "You were."
"I was never one for orders, was I?"
Arthur stood there, unable to move however much he tried. He heard the clink of heeled shoes hitting the stone floor, but didn't react as his Beautiful Queen came to stand beside him. She didn't make a move towards him, just simply... stood there, looking down at Gwaine.
"The first day we met, you offered me a flower. You said that I was as pretty as a princess, and called me extravagant names." Gwen smiled sadly at the memory, her eyes overflowing as fresh, salty water landed on Gwaine's pale cheeks and slowly soaked in. "I rejected you, but you kept on persisting. Every day we met, you would tease and you would flirt with me. But one day, everything changed... on the day you left, you gave me up. You gave me up for you saw that I was in love with the Crown Prince, and you knew that I had a chance.
You saved my Future Husband's life that day, and you've been saving it ever since. And I owe you, so much, Gwaine. I really do. And I'm sorry that I never showed my appreciation of you, and I'm sorry that we were never that close. There was simply never enough Time." She sighed, a sound of deep longing and wistfulness. "There was never enough Time to mix and to mingle; there was never enough Time to live and to laugh. I always had work to do, and you always had the city to save... But you still worked, and you still laughed and you still lived.
Carpe Diem... 'Seize the Day'. Aptly named, don't you think... it's a well known phrase, and one many, it was their motto for life. But none could compare to you. You literally lived your whole life sizing the day, never letting an opportunity pass you buy, never letting a moment with a woman deter you, for it might be the last bit of happiness you would ever receive.
I hoped you found the Happiness that you deserved."
She bent down, and kissed the Fallen Knight's forehead. Then, she swivelled to Arthur and hesitatingly held out her delicate, yet hardened hand.
Arthur immediately took it, and together they walked back into their respective place, heads bowed, lips sealed.
Percival was the next person to walk up to where his Best Friend resided. Already, he was crying, and the rest of the occupants in the room were too. There was the occasional sniffle as they tried to breathe in but failing or watery smiles as they contemplated what others said about their mutual friend.
"W-We had ups and downs, didn't we? The bad times were so very, very dark, and it was as if we were lost in the pitch black of night. But when you were there, and we were together... the sun came up, and a new day was born. We would fight together, and we would overcome any obstacle that came in our way. The good times were so very, very bright. Brighter then the morning sun, brighter then the piles of gold, brighter than a flaming torch. And we had so many of those didn't we? For it felt that every time we were together, every time we stood next to each other, standing tall, whether it was for ceremonies, patrols or pranks, it felt like amazing.
We were always together, weren't we? We shared the same barracks, we ate together, we went on patrols together, hell, and we could never be separated. I had this vision that we would grow old together, and face the challenges on moving slower, and become more frail, together. I even thought that we would die on the battlefield together. I never thought... I never thought you would die without me.
But that's what you did, because I wasn't there. And the one time, the one time, when we were separated, you faced a fighter that you could not defeat. But perhaps, if we had been together, we would have conquered them like picking flowers. I wasn't there, because I was somewhere else. I wasn't there, because I was a poor friend. I wasn't there, and now look at what has happened. Look at the outcome.
I've lost so many people now, Gwaine. I lost my parents to a raid, I lost my sister to a Witch, and I lost my friends to men whom simple villagers could never defeat, even for all of their skills. And now I have lost you too..."
The Gentle Giant trailed off, viewing Gwaine through eyes full of sadness. Arthur didn't do anything, just simply looked on. There was no point in comforting them, telling them that it was OK. Gwaine was dead, and he will never come back.
"We have shared the good with the bad, and we have shared our death defying adventures together. But now you have a new adventure, and you have a new purpose.
Farewell, Gwaine. Farewell, my Best Friend. Farewell."
Percival reached out, and touched Gwaine's shoulder, for what would be the last time.
Merlin's POV
Merlin swallowed, and the simple sound reverberated loud in the quiet that followed. He surveyed Gwaine through swollen, red eyes, taking in his face, his features. They would be the last time he would ever see them. He had to make the most of it.
"Gwaine," Merlin greeted. His vision became blurred with tears, and his throat suddenly closed up. He didn't know what to say, and it was as if his body was rebelling against him. But he pressed on, because he wanted to do this. He wanted to say Goodbye, for the last time.
"I'm sorry." He whispered his voice barely audible against his harsh breathing that seemed to fill the air. "I'm sorry. It's my entire fault. I'm the one who should of been serving the wine, I'm the one who failed to strike when the Time was Right, I'm the one, who could have Healed you sooner... And I'm the one who caused your Death.
Those final moments before you Passed... I'm sorry. I saw the realisation, and the anger and the sorrow, and the accusations, I saw it all, Gwaine. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you, and I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for pushing you away when you wanted to help, and I'm sorry for being angry.
But I've lost people. So many people for the words that I have said, for the crimes that I have committed, for the beliefs that I hold. And I didn't want to lose any more... I've lost the Woman I love, My Childhood Best Friend, My Father, The Man Who Believed and the Two Smugglers. But I've lost more... more that will take an eternity to name, more then I can believe... And I caused it all.
Now do you see why I never told you? It's not because I didn't Care, or that I was Evil, or that I was Cruel. I was trying to protect you. I didn't want another piece of my heart to shatter, and I didn't want to carry around the broken pieces for the Rest of my Days.
But I promise you. I will tell the others, instead of lying to them. One day, one day soon I will tell them. And when they ask why I have only just revealed my Secret, I will whisper one thing... I will whisper your name.
I will whisper your name, and suddenly everything will become clear. I will whisper your name, and I will turn to the sky. I will whisper; Gwaine... Thank You."
The Warlock's voice faded into silence, after suffering much trembling, sniffing and tears blocking its path. Merlin reached out, his hand hovering over Gwaine.
But before he could do anything, footsteps sounded from outside the door and someone came bursting in.
"Lord Butter?" Merlin asked, startled at when who he saw when he had swung around.
There was silence as everybody looked towards the man whom had joined their company. But unlike the times before when it had fallen, it was not a companiable, understanding quiet. This one was full of anger at the intrusion of something private, and annoyance at being interrupted... and Hatred. Somebody hated the man with a burning passion who was standing, silhouetted in the doorway.
"Where's my Wife?" The Lord instead demanded, completely blanking the Manservant, although Merlin didn't mind.
Arthur, now in his Kingly pose with Guinevere standing beside him replied; "She is here, Lord Butter." He waved his hand with a regal motion that he obviously didn't feel towards Margarine, who was standing there with an arm around Dastan, staring at her Husband.
At once, he zoned in on her, and he inexplicably, relaxed almost instantaneously. "My Love, I was so worried when I woke up and you were gone."
"I'm sorry," Lady Butter replied, with an unconvincing smile. "I received a message with Dastan and came down here immediately."
"Well you can leave now, come." He said imperiously, and without waiting for a reply, headed straight for the door again, as he had stepped forward whilst communicating with his Wife. It was obvious that he expected her to follow him, but she didn't. Instead, Lady Butter stayed exactly where she was with a calm demur, though Merlin noticed that the hand entwined with Dastan's own ligament were white. But neither of them gave any sign that the pain was hurting them.
After a few steps, Lord Butter apparently noticed that his 'beloved' Wife wasn't following, as he swung round and said; "Now, My Dear."
"No." She replied, tersely, her whole body apparently electrified at the command. "There is something I have to do first."
"Oh?" He said, raising an eyebrow in a blatant show of disbelief. "Well I am sure you can do it later."
"Please," the Queen said, speaking for the first time since she had said her Farewell. "Let her stay, if only for a few moments. She has to say Goodbye."
"Yes," the King said, taking up the mantle from his Wife, "It would be unfair, otherwise. All of us have already said our Farewells to Gwaine, and I insist on Lady Butter to do so as well. She had done so much for him in the short time that they have met."
Lord Butter's eye twitched at that, but for what reason, Merlin wasn't sure. He then proceeded to gaze at each and every one of them in turn, noting the appearance before stating; "Sir Gwaine has died?"
"This morning." Leon confirmed his voice soft.
"I'm sorry for your loss."
"We appreciate it," Percival acknowledge, his voice barely audible because he spoke that quietly.
"Margarine?" Dastan asked, tugging on the Lady's hand until she looked down. "Can we say Goodbye now?"
"Of course," Lady Butter said, smiling down sadly at her Ward. "Let us say Goodbye for the last time."
She squeezed his hand as he led them to Gwaine's bed.
"Can I go first?" Dastan asked, close to tears as he gazed down upon his Saviour. Beside him was his Mentor, and on the other side of the bed was the Manservant. Merlin hadn't bothered to move back, and he sensed that Lady Butter might need his aid when she and Dastan had to leave Gwaine for the Last Time.
"Y-Yes." Lady Butter stuttered. The tears that she had shed before his Husband had started to move as new reinforcements flowed down her pale cheeks as she watched Dastan interact with a Dead Man.
"Hello Gwaine," Dastan said, patting the Drunk's hand. "Margarine told me that me that now is the time when I say Thank you, and Goodbye to you... But I don't want to."
The Child's innocence and simplicity made Merlin's vision go blurry, and around him, he could see that it had set the others off as well... All apart from Lord Butter, who remained the same. Untouched.
"I don't want to say Goodbye. I don't see why I have to. It's not fair! Why did you have to die? Why did you have to leave me, to leave Margarine? She's hurting Gwaine, I can see it. She's hurting with you Gone and it's not nice. Why are you doing this to her? To me? What have we done? We don't deserve this... do we?"
His question was full of pain, and childness and the ability to not understand why Gwaine had gone. Dastan had begun to cry now, as he continued to ask questions, demanding answers which he will never receive.
"I was told that it's mean to ignore others. I was told that it's an unkind thing to do... So why are you doing it, Gwaine? Why?"
Dastan broke down then, and Lady Butter pulled him in for a hug that was meant to be consoling, but only further justified his point. After a second or two, Dastan pulled away, and once again faced his Saviour.
"But I'm not going to be mean. So I will do what Margarine said I should. So thank you. Thank you for stopping the Bad Man and thank you for Caring. Thank you for everything you've done..."
He gripped Gwaine's hand and gave it a last squeeze before he let go.
"Goodbye, Gwaine."
"The first time I saw you, I didn't know your name." Lady Butter started off, gazing down at the Fallen Knight with a fragile smile on her beautiful face. "To me, you weren't any different from the rest; just another young man among whom I would had to be polite to."
She stopped there, struggling to control herself. Her sense of decorum had returned, and Merlin noted distantly that it had made its reappearance ever since his Husband had joined them. But soon she spoke again, but this time she was whispering, her tone filled with emotion beyond compare, feelings that were never spoken and had been silent for so long. And Merlin stopped thinking and he just stood there, quietly listening.
"The second time I saw you, you performed the most wondrous act; you Saved someone's life. Before you had seemed like an ordinary man, nothing special, one among many. But then... then I you stood out from the crowd, because you stood up for what you believed in, no matter what the consequences.
You stood in defiance, and you changed someone's life for what you thought was for the better. And it was. But there was a terrible, terrible cost. You. You sacrificed yourself for another, and you lay there injured. But worse than that, you were glad of the pain, for you felt it was justified, and the good outweighed the bad."
She toyed with a brown lock of hair that had fallen over the Knight's face, her expression full of sadness.
"You made me a promise, a silent one that went both ways... And you broke it."
Her tears finally reached Gwaine's face, and her fingers slipped in her anger as the lock became too slippery to hold.
"The third time I saw you, I was so relieved. I had finally found you after so long. I felt that nothing would be able to separate us, for it seemed that a bond had formed however hard we had tried to break it. And I wasn't going to leave you again, I had promised myself that. For the first time in years, I felt happy.
But then you got worse, and I had to face the possibility of losing you all over again."
Her hand caressed Gwaine's cheek like that of a lover, white on white. But one was Dead, and the other was Alive. The difference was like a dagger in Merlin's side.
"And then you died..."
A choked sob and the sound of something else.
"I had never voiced what had been between us..."
Another sob and a sound.
"And now I never will."
A sob. A sound.
"So for the last time..."
"Goodbye Gwaine."
Gwaine's POV
"Have you Decided?" The Guardian of Avalon asked.
He nodded.
And then the Fallen Knight stepped forward.
Gwaine felt... constricted. He couldn't move with the liquid fluidity that he could when he had been talking with Freya, but he supposed that was because he had been a Spirit of sorts...
And now he was in his body again, and he was most definitely alive... or so he thought.
His surroundings were fuzzy, not in focus. But slowly, ever so slowly, things were becoming clear, and Gwaine knew that when it happened, he would be fully integrated in the Land of the Living again. And the Land of the Living reminded him of the Guardian of Avalon.
Staring straight up (he couldn't move) the Drunk immediately saw Freya, and zoomed in on her at once.
"You're here? In the Land of the Living!" Gwaine exclaimed. He was overjoyed at that, but also slightly confused. Surely if she could be here, she would be able to be with Merlin?
But then he saw her shaking her head, and his joy died instantly.
"Listen to me, Gwaine, we don't have much time. The Doors are going to close, and when that happens, I will return to the Realm of the Dead and the Painting, and you will be fully part of the Land of the Living."
"I'm going to miss you."
"Hush," Freya said, placing a slender finger over his lips, silencing him. "Now, you need to be quick."
This confused Gwaine for a moment, but then he realised that she had not been speaking to him, for other people came out from the gloom, and he recognised them.
"We all just wanted to say good luck." Lancelot explained when he saw the Drunk's inquiring gaze. "And we appreciate what you are doing, and what you have given up."
"You are getting a Second chance of life again." A man said with a boyish grin (whom Gwaine presumed to be William, Merlin's Childhood Best Friend) said.
"So you had better not waste it." Tristan and Isolde continued, with customary smirks on their faces.
"I won't," Gwaine promised.
"You look after my son, do y'hear me?" The man who was Merlin's Father demanded.
Gwaine nodded.
Then it was Freya' turn to speak once more. "I enjoyed the little time that we spent together, Gwaine."
"I too," Gwaine whispered. "I understand now why Merlin fell in love with you. And why he never found anyone else. You are amazing, and I'm going to miss you."
If Dead People could blush, the Guardian of Avalon gave it a good shot. "Flattery will not get you anywhere. Now, will you permit me to do two more things?"
"Anything," Gwaine promised.
In return, Freya pressed her fingers to Gwaine's temple, and leaned in until their foreheads were touching. The Drunk went completely still as he viewed all of the flashing images and snatches of sound that reverberated through his head.
Eventually, Freya pulled back, and they both smiled.
"My Last Gift to you. Use it wisely, my Friend. They are the memories that you lost, the ones that you blocked because they caused you so much pain."
Gwaine smiled through his tears. He noticed then that the figures of the Past were beginning to fade, and the background becoming clear.
Suddenly, he felt something press lightly against his lips. A kiss, so faint, it was hard to define. A kiss from a Ghost.
"Please, Gwaine, one last thing before we go," Freya said, becoming fainter and fainter by the second.
"Protect Merlin from those who wish to harm him, and protect him from himself. Promise us." The Ghosts from Merlin's past demanded in unison, all smiling sadly through their tears.
Gwaine made a Vow that he would never, ever break.
"Now, Gwaine," Freya whispered, so faint that Gwaine had to strain his ears. He couldn't see her now, and the room had become so, so bright. He could hear vague sounds, and he could feel.
"A Woman from your Past has Arrived, and a Maiden needs rescuing. The Saviour of Old is needed again.
"Rise, Knight in Shining Armour."
A Word began to reverberate through Gwaine's head.
A Name.
Getting louder and louder.
A Name of Place.
Louder and louder, with other sounds. Ones of people crying, heavy breathing, the smell of salt, and the stench of sorrow.
The Name continued to grow, blotting out those other sounds.
Louder and louder.
The Name of a Special Place.
Louder and Louder.
They drowned out the senses that Gwaine had just gained.
Louder and louder, till Gwaine couldn't cope anymore.
He let it loose, turning, in one, quick sharp burst.
"Loch-yn-dire."
And the Once Fallen Knight's eyes flew open.
Till next time, my Readers.
I hoped you enjoyed the cliff hanger.