26

Once the antibiotics started working, Kai started to improve in leaps and bounds. The doctors reduced his sedation and finally Olivia got to snuggle with him at her breast once again, relieved that he hadn't forgotten the knack. He had been fortunate for his meningitis hadn't turned to septicaemia, which would have complicated things considerably. He had been given an MRI which thankfully hadn't revealed any significant swelling on his brain. After that he was moved out of the PICU and down to the regular children's ward. He was scheduled for hearing tests in a couple of days to check for hearing loss. It was a nerve-wracking time, but right now the main thing Olivia really focused on was the fact that he had survived and that taking him home soon was looking like a realistic possibility.

Elliot had been an absolute rock the way he had supported her through her darkest moments; the hours when she had thought losing Kai was very possible. He had stayed with her, talked when she wanted to talk, just held her when she wanted to be held. He had an amazing talent for being able to read her mood and he just seemed to know what she needed. The way she had been able to depend on his support confirmed her feelings towards him. Sometimes their intensity scared her, but running was the last thing on her mind.

The day of the hearing tests she was feeling positive. She was vaguely aware that it wasn't an all too uncommon result of meningitis, but she wasn't too concerned. Kai was a little fighter. He had proved that. He had sailed through recovery so far. Waiting for the results of the brain scans had been much more nerve-wracking, as the possibility of permanent brain damage had terrified her. They were hoping he would be released from the hospital during the next day or two and Olivia couldn't wait to get him home and try and get their lives back to normal again.

"I hope the place isn't too trashed," she said to Elliot teasingly. They were sitting next to Kai's cot, each holding a sleeping twin in their arms.

"I can't guarantee it's quite as tidy as you left it," he grinned good-naturedly. "I'll tidy it up a bit before you come home though."

"I can't believe this is finally nearly over," she said wearily.

He leaned in, careful not to knock the baby and kissed her. "I can't wait to get you home again." She smiled at the insinuation behind his exaggerated wink. She couldn't wait to go home either. Hopefully it would be the last time she saw the inside of a hospital intensive care unit for the rest of her life!

…

Olivia smiled as the nurse came over. Out of all of the staff, she was her favourite. They were all professional, but no matter how busy she was, Lisa always seemed to have the time to reassure and explain the smallest things and it made such a difference.

"How's he doing?" Lisa asked.

"He's doing great, thanks," Olivia replied, glancing down at Kai who was propped contentedly in her arms, occasionally gurgling as he watched the world go by.

"Dr. Mayer wants to talk with you. He wanted me to let you know he'll be along in fifteen minutes."

"Oh?" Olivia said nervously.

"I think he wants to discuss the test results with you himself."

"Do you think Kai can be discharged today?" Olivia asked, trying not to focus on the possible reasons why the doctor insisted on speaking to her himself.

"I don't know. You can ask the doctor. He's looking good though. It's possible."

"Thanks, Lisa."

"You're welcome. No Elliot today?"

"He went with Jacob to go and pick up his son from his previous marriage and spend the morning with him. He'll be back after lunch."

"Oh I see. Well, I'll leave you to it. See you in a bit."

Olivia watched the nurse leave and turned her attention back to Kai. Once she was sure she was on her own, she started singing to him again while she bounced him gently on her knee, enjoying the sound of his contented chuckles.

The doctor arrived twenty minutes later. With the impeccable timing babies seem to have, the potent aroma informed them all of Kai's need for a diaper change and so Lisa took him away to clean him up, leaving Olivia to concentrate on what the doctor was saying.

"We got the results from the hearing tests back," he began in a serious tone that immediately made her nervous. Usually he was fairly laid-back and more friendly than business-like. She clutched her left hand with her right tightly, digging the nails into the skin slightly as she waited to hear whatever it was he had to say. She suddenly wished Elliot were there.

"The preliminary hearing tests unfortunately suggest that mild to moderate sensorineural damage has occurred."

"What does that mean?" she asked, confused at the medical terminology. She was finding it hard to concentrate anyway, since her mind was all over the place.

"He has suffered some hearing loss," the doctor explained more simply.

"What?" she stammered stunned. She really hadn't been expecting this despite knowing the risks.

"With the correct intervention, he should develop normal speech and be able to lead a full life."

"He's deaf?" she repeated in disbelief.

"Not completely. We'll need to do further tests to discover the extent of the damage. It may not completely come to light immediately."

She glanced over towards where the nurse was finishing up changing Kai's diaper and couldn't help thinking again how unfair it was that her baby had been ravished by this cruel disease. How could this be happening to an innocent little baby?"

"Do you have any questions?" the doctor asked.

"I… I don't know," she said still too stunned to really think about what she wanted to ask.

"It's a lot to take in. Look, I'll give you some time and come back later. I'm sure you will have lots of questions, but take your time okay?"

"When can he go home?" she asked.

"Well there's no reason he can't go home as soon as this afternoon. Of course you'll have to bring him in for further tests and for a consultation with the ENT specialist as an outpatient. He'll probably need hearing aids."

The words were starting to hit home and suddenly it seemed so much more real. Hearing aids? He would need hearing aids? How much hearing loss had he suffered? Would he be able to listen to and enjoy music? Would he be able to hear the birds singing or the sound of water running in a stream? Would he hear her voice? She felt the tears welling in her eyes.

Lisa brought Kai over to her and she took him into her arms, holding him tight against her chest as she tried to come to terms with what she had just been told.

"Do you want to talk?" Lisa asked her gently.

"I'm still trying to get my head round it all," she replied sadly.

"Do you want me to try and get hold of Elliot for you?"

"No, he's with his son. He should enjoy his morning with him."

"Do you want me to sit with you for a bit?"

"No, I'm fine, really. Actually, the doctor said we can go home this afternoon. I should probably call Elliot after all and let him know."

"Sure. I'll come and check in on you later, okay?"

"Thanks."

Olivia wandered out into the corridor and called Elliot to let him know they were being released that afternoon. He was ecstatic to hear that news. She decided to wait and tell him in person about Kai's latest diagnosis.

…

When he arrived after lunch he gave her a big grin, placed Jacob in Kai's crib and then wrapped his arms around her eagerly.

"I can't believe I get to sleep with you in my arms again tonight," he muttered as he nuzzled into her neck.

"Me neither," she said soberly.

"Hey, are you OK? You sound a bit down."

"I'm fine. It's just… well the doctor came to speak to me this morning."

"He did? You didn't say."

"I didn't want to ruin your morning. They think Kai has suffered partial hearing loss, El." As she spoke her voice broke.

"Oh no," he said heavily, watching the tears now sliding down her cheeks. He squeezed her tightly, stroking her hair comfortingly.

"It's going to be OK, sweetheart," he said. "He survived right? Whatever disability he has, we will get him through it okay?"

She nodded, raising her hand to wipe the tears away.

"Maybe there isn't as much damage as they fear? Elliot suggested.

"The doctor said we won't know the full extent straight away. He said he will likely need hearing aids though."

"I'm so sorry, Liv."

"I hate this horrible disease," she said bitterly.

"I know," Elliot agreed. "Come on, let's go home. I'll go and take some of the stuff down to the car. Why don't you call the nurse and tell her we are ready to go."

Olivia nodded and pressed the call button to summon the nurse. She knew she would have some paperwork to fill out before they could leave.

…

Olivia sighed as she sank down onto the sofa, relieved that she was finally home with both of her babies and Elliot. Elliot went back down to the car to fetch the rest of their belongings. She rested her head on the back cushion and closed her eyes. She was so exhausted she thought she might actually fall asleep right there.

"Hey, why don't you go and take a short nap?" Elliot suggested when he came back and saw her. The boys had fallen asleep in the car and Elliot had transferred them to their cribs where they were now continuing to nap.

"Will you join me?" she asked timidly.

"Of course," he said and followed her into the bedroom. They lay down on the bed and he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"I've missed you," he said snuggling into her.

"I missed you too," she replied.

It didn't take long for her to fall asleep given how exhausted she was. He considered slipping away and making a start on the dinner, but he was too comfortable, enjoying the feel of being snuggled up against her like this, so he stayed there, watching her as she slept and just thinking. He was so relieved Kai had pulled through the meningitis. Losing a child would have been devastating and she had been through enough in her life. She deserved happiness and he was determined he would do all he could to play a part in ensuring that. He felt her chest moving up and down in her sleep and he watched her eyes fluttering underneath her lids. He knew he loved her unconditionally. His desire to make their relationship official was getting stronger and stronger. The thought of asking her though made him nervous. He wasn't certain that she was quite as ready as he was to commit so fully. He wondered when would be the right time to ask her.