Disclaimer: Sadly Twilight isn't mine. If it was I would have taken my own pictures from the set of Breaking Dawn and leaked them myself. Also, while I may write this story, I am not a musician or songwriter - all songs & lyrics belong to the respective artists/composers.
A/N: I want to start this out with a huge apology for missing the first update this week. Between the continuing fail and a crazy weekend and not feeling well, nothing seemed to come together and I didn't want to force the chapter and have it turn out worse than the smell of donkey doo. I know this chapter is short, but it needed to be cut here, as what happens next wouldn't fit well with this chapter. Special thanks to TwiFic Database for rec'ing my story last week. Be sure to check out their blog: twificdatabase(dot)weebly(dot)com/index(dot)html Also, thanks to all of you for reading, reviewing, and rec'ing my story.
Chapter 26: Letting Go
Song: In Between by Linkin Park
***EPOV***
…I still love you Edward, and I can only hope that you still love me too. I know I've made a mess of things, and while I don't expect you to easily forgive me for everything, I want you to know I am making plans to fix what's wrong with my life, and can only pray that you will be there to help me do that. I promise you that if you don't feel the same way about me that I'll understand. We both have changed a lot in the past five years, and if you don't love me, I promise I won't bother you anymore and leave you alone to live your life in peace in the hopes that one day we will be able to be friends.
All of my love always,
Bella
I set the letter down as I finish reading it. The five that I read before this one all showing me everything I had been too blind to see all along…she still loves me, enough that if need be she would let me go. All I can do is stare at the letters as everything I said yesterday comes flooding back to me. Bella's last words to me – goodbye love – are echoing in my head and mingling with the ones she wrote in her last letter – I promise I won't bother you and leave you alone. I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me. I want to go to Bella, beg her to listen to me but I know my family is with her now and that they probably wouldn't let me get within ten feet of her anyway. Sliding down to the floor, I can't help but ask myself "What have I done?"
My thoughts are reeling from everything I've learned from Bella's letters and I'm unsure of how to process all of it, so I do the one thing I always do to quiet my mind…I pick up my journal and write.
Bella,
Let me apologize to begin with. I was so wrong about so many things. Many of which were things I said to you last night. I know I need to say these things to you in person, but I realize now that I need to wait for you. I need to wait for you to be ready to talk to me, and I need to accept the possibility of that day never coming. So for now, I write everything here, hoping that one day I will give voice to my written words. In everything I've done wrong, the biggest mistake was leaving you in the first place. All I ever did was want to keep you safe.
I lied to you that day in the woods when I told you I didn't love you and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I never thought that my leaving would cause such utter destruction in its wake, but it did, and I must take responsibility for my part in the hurt that you have felt these five years. I also never should have forced my family to leave you too, but somehow I got caught up in between my pride and my promise to you. I had promised you that I would make it easy for you to move on and remove myself from your life, and in doing so I tried removing everything that could have held a memory of me for you from your life as well. I let my pride get the best of me…everyone told me how much of a mistake my leaving would be but I gave in to my foolish pride, determined to prove them all wrong.
The time I spent away from you was worse than death. I felt as though I was in perpetual night with no stars to guide me along my way, and when I found out that Alice and Jasper had found you…everything just became so confused. I got so caught up in between my lies I had told you when I left you and the truth I so desperately wanted to tell you. The times when I finally saw you and tried to speak to you…everything I wanted to say to you got lost in my head before I could get the words out.
I never wanted to admit to myself how trying to regain your trust would be harder than I thought it would be…that would mean I would have to admit to myself that I made mistakes, that I would have to shoulder some of the blame for what has happened. I wanted things to go back to the way they were, and I know now that they can't. I will however, never give up hope that one day you and I will find our way to a place where we can again be happy together.
I'm certain that I can never fully explain to you how sorry I am for what I've done both in Forks and now, and I know that anything I say or do or plan will never be enough to make everything up to you either. I just hope that in time if you let me prove myself worthy of you again, that my actions will speak the words that I am unable to. I will be patient Bella, I can promise that. I will wait for you always in the hope that one day you will have me in your life again.
- Edward
As I finish writing I hear a knock on my door. I tell whoever it is to come in and Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett come into my room. I'm quite sure they all have some choice words for me after what happened with Bella last night, and I know I deserve them, but I need to say something to them first.
"I was an ass last night" I say. "To all of you, and especially to Bella. I'm sorry for how I acted then and for how I've been in the past. I was wrong. I should have listened to you all. There are a lot of things I should have done, and there are a lot of things I know I need to fix now…starting with Bella. I'm hoping with your help I'll be able to start making things right."
The three of them don't really say anything, but at the mention of Bella's name they all look at each other and I can tell they are trying to block their thoughts…which can't mean anything good for me.
"Alright, I saw the way you all looked at each other and I can tell your blocking your thoughts. What's going on with Bella?" I ask.
"Nothing is going on with Bella" Rosalie tells me. "She's actually doing ok considering what happened yesterday. She's trying to sort things out. But for right now…what she really needs is some separation from you."
I nod at Rosalie's words. I honestly can't blame Bella for wanting some distance and I'm glad she's ok, glad that she has everyone else to support her right now.
"I understand Rose…I promise, I won't interfere this time." I say as I look at them all, hoping they know I mean what I'm saying. Rose says nothing else, but nods at my promise to not interfere and leaves, Emmett following behind.
Esme goes to leave as well, but stops and turns back to face me. "I hope you mean it this time Edward. No more meddling. It's the last thing Bella needs right now. She has enough that she's dealing with as it is. When the time is right…if it's meant to be…the two of you will find your way back to one another. But for now, I need to know you won't butt in. You know I love you Edward. You're my son and I only want you to be happy, but so help me…if you interfere again I will let Emmett dismember you and leave your parts in La Push for the wolves to find."
Esme doesn't say anything else or wait for me to respond before leaving my room. Alone again I can't help but continue to think of everything I wish I could say to Bella, but my family is right, I can't meddle anymore. Every time I have I've only made things worse, so for now, I turn my thoughts back to Bella and do the only thing I can…wait.
A/N: Seems like Edward has made some progress as well. Next up we'll find out how Bella is handling her life sober. What do you all think about what Edward had to say? Review and let me know. I promise that if you review, I'll send you a snippet from the next chapter which should be up on Tuesday or Wednesday. Don't forget to check out the blog for the story (link is on my profile). Thanks for reading!
So now for some Announcements & Reminders:
We're now just about halfway through this story, and I'm sure you all have some questions you'd love to ask Bella and the Cullens, so if you review go ahead and include your questions…I just happen to be close to Bella and the rest of the bunch, and they've agreed to a little sit down interview with all of you good people…no holds barred on the questions. The interview will get posted in the same story as the Carlisle outtake.
I am hosting/judging a contest that will be starting April 1 called The Awkward Turtle Contest, so if any of you are looking for a fun contest to enter, check this one out. You have until April 30 to send in your submissions. ImaTwitard and sydneytwilightmum are also judging as well. There is a profile here on for the contest, and you can also check out the blog for the contest: awkwardturtlecontest(dot)blogspot(dot)com
I have two entries in The Quickie Contest, so go check out that contest. All the entries are 500 words or less so there are plenty of awesome quick reads for you to check out. This one is anonymous so I can't tell you which entries are mine. Voting doesn't start until April 2nd, but there are already almost 100 entries, so if you're interested, you might want to start reading them out now. You can check them all out here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2773975/
Some Recs for all of you:
The Lucky Ones by butterflybetty
The Mail Order Bride by Lady Gwynedd
What We Can Handle by gemryan