Rachel had thought she had endured a lifetime of pain and had mastered it—
But looking at Young Do, hands covering his face—sobbing wretchedly—her heart was twisting and writhing with pain.
His pain.
At that moment—
She would have given anything.
Anything.
Anything.
Her entire shoe closet, which she'd cultivated since she was 12...
She would have given her entire shoe closet...
If it meant lessening Young Do's pain.
Because she knew how it felt.
She had cried like this when the divorce was finalized.
When Appa had left.
/
Rachel gingerly, very lightly stroked his hair.
She wasn't sure how he would react, so she tried to keep her movements very careful.
Crying boys were not her forte.
His hands were covered in cuts, and there was...blood...
Young Do didn't push her away though; instead, he grabbed for her, and hauled her into his lap.
Rachel's heart dropped as she got a glimpse at his face, before he buried it in her shoulder.
He had blood on his face.
From the cuts on his hands. What hell had he been up to?
Young Do had blood on his face.
And now it was on her white slip.
Rachel thought she had mastered her pain—and she had.
It was Choi Young Do's pain she hadn't.
/
One week before:
The next morning, Rachel had woken up in Young Do's black t-shirt. It was pretty long on her. And it smelled like him…
She wasn't sure how she survived the day.
She couldn't function.
She kept thinking of last night.
And although Young Do had established that it was real, for Rachel this is when it had gotten real.
She knew people thought the opposite-that physical relationships weren't a big deal.
But for her...having Young Do in her room, let alone her bed was a very high privilege.
Kim Tan had never been inside her room.
She'd never wanted him there…
By the end of their engagement...Rachel didn't want Tan physically.
She'd never really wanted him at all.
At one point, Rachel had really liked Kim Won. Not for who he was. But what he represented.
He'd turned out to be an utter disappointment anyways.
But then—Kim Tan turned out to be worse.
/
Rachel wasn't sure how she survived that Saturday.
She'd woken up in a daze. In Young Do's t-shirt.
She'd eaten breakfast in a daze. In his t-shirt, but she'd finally put on pants. Still, the maids had looked at her oddly.
She'd gotten ready in a daze. Finally, reluctantly she took off his shirt.
Finished her homework in a daze. Thinking of him.
And then she'd ended up lying in her pink closet...listening to music...in a daze. Thinking of him.
Eventually, she'd fallen asleep. Thinking of him.
In her closet. Wanting him to be there…
/
Rachel woke up—abruptly—a particularly loud song was playing in her ear.
It was 6 in the evening.
So...Rachel looked around her empty room.
Her empty house.
She didn't want to call Young Do. Yet.
The sad, bitter truth was that there was no one else to call.
Hmmm.
There was Lee Bo Na.
Rachel couldn't be alone. She couldn't call Young Do. She didn't trust herself around him. Yet.
So she called Lee Bo Na, who was more than happy to oblige.
Chan Young had gone camping with his father.
/
Rachel wasn't sure how she survived that weekend.
It was making her skin crawl.
She needed Young Do.
She wanted him.
So she called him.
"What are you doing?" She tried sounding playful.
"I'm...I'm at my mother's place." His voice was guarded. Unhappy, almost.
Rachel almost dropped the phone.
She'd been thinking of things to do with Young Do
Things to do to Young Do
Things she wanted him to do…to her…
...and hearing about his mother had effectively squashed all those notions...
"Oh, okay. Well, I'll talk to you later?"
Young Do let out a shuddering sigh, "I'll come over when I'm done."
"No, it's okay—stay. Spend time with her!" Have fun? She almost added, but Young Do didn't sound like he was having fun.
"No." He said firmly, "I want to see you."
Rachel felt her heart flutter at those words.
"Okay. What do you want to do?"
"Mmm. I don't know."
"I know. Let's go to this sushi place."
There was silence on the other side, and then she heard some ruffling.
"I'm in another room now. Are you talking about the sexy sushi place?" His voice came louder, but there was still something odd in his tone.
Damnit. He remembered the sexy part.
"Yes." She said haughtily.
All she heard then was laughter, and Young Do saying, "I'll look sexy for you then."
Oh dear god.
/
Rachel took care with getting dressed.
Well. She always took care, but this time she thought of Young Do a little too.
And she had a little surprise for him too.
/
Rachel picked a bright red dress that zipped up from the front..nothing too different from her usual style.
She was thinking of glittery black Jimmy Choos to wear.
She was putting the finishing touches on her mascara...and was reaching for her lipstick...when there was a knock at the door.
"Yes," She called.
Chae Lee entered, and said, "Miss Rachel, your guest is here. Should I show him up?"
He was already here?!
"Ummm...yes, please."
Rachel idly wondered if she really had Chae Lee's loyalty...she'd seen Young Do in Rachel's bedroom a few times too many.
"I will, Miss." Chae Lee turned to go.
Rachel stopped her, "Chae Lee, you're 22, right?"
She looked surprised, "Yes, 22."
Not that much older than Rachel.
"Do you plan on going back to school?"
"Oh, you remember? Yes. Yes, I do."
Chae Lee had told her once about her education plans...
"I wish you the best, Chae Lee. Please let me know if you ever need my help with anything."
Chae Lee looked surprised again, but then smiled, and said, "Yes, thank you, Miss Rachel. I'll tell your guest to come up then."
She turned to leave, but looked over her shoulder and said, "Thank you, Miss Rachel, I truly do appreciate it."
Rachel only nodded her head stiffly.
Chae Lee reminded her too much of Cha Eun Sang.
And she felt conflicted—Tan had left her for a maid's daughter...
But then these people were more than just maids...
Weren't they?
Or did Rachel's kindness only extend towards manipulation?
She didn't care about loyalty anymore...was she really just a terrible person?
"I've never seen anyone so pretty look so sad in front of a mirror." She heard Young Do's drawl.
Rachel was startled out of her very morose thoughts, and looked towards him...he was wearing a black and white sweater, with jeans...and red Tod's.
And he had his leather jacket on.
"We match. Sort of." She said in response.
He took in her appearance and broke into a slow smile, "We do."
Young Do walked towards her bed, and settled down, "Finish getting ready."
After everything that had happened on Friday night-Rachel felt...weird...
Both giddy...and apprehensive...and wild.
It was taking her full concentration not to go sit on Young Do's lap that very instance.
Full concentration.
Rachel shook her head, swallowed, and then finished applying her mascara...till her lashes were thick and full and fluttered like butterflies.
She straightened the edges of her hair, and became preoccupied with perfecting her hair-until she felt heat at the back of her neck...and realized it wasn't from her straightener.
It was from Young Do's stare.
He'd watched her get ready before...but this time there was something more intense in his gaze...
Rachel almost shivered...because his gaze made her feel naked.
And he had seen her naked.
Practically.
She started blushing...
Quickly she finished her hair, asYoung Do edged closer, so he was near her.
"Your hair's straight already...why do you do it more?"
Full. Concentration.
"It makes it smoother." She was proud: her voice didn't come out hysterical.
Although she felt hysterical.
Young Do reached out and ran his fingers through her hair, carefully, so he didn't mess up her hairstyle.
"Is that why it's so shiny? Your hair always smells so good. You always smell so good."
Full. Concen. Tration.
/
After a few more minutes of marveling over her hair, Young Do got bored and asked her to hurry up as he lay back down, and played with his phone.
Rachel got up and headed towards her closet, and pulled the shoes off her shelf.
She wanted them on before Young Do decided to help or something.
Yes, she wanted him.
Yes, she wanted his hands all over her.
Yes, she wanted him shirtless.
Yes, she wanted him to undress her.
But there was a time and place.
Now was not it.
And...deep down...deep deep deep down, Rachel wanted to have sex with him.
But that would have to wait.
Now was the time for her to put on her lipstick and give him his surprise—she put it on—a buttery soft, black leather jacket, in the vein of Young Do.
Rachel loved it when he wore his leather jacket.
Very few boys could wear it and make it look natural.
Rachel wondered how she would look.
"Ahem..." She cleared her throat and dawdled near the door of her closet.
Young Do tore his gaze away from his phone and did a double-take.
"We properly match now." Rachel cleared her throat.
Young Do just stared at her, his expression very serious.
After a few moments, he quietly said,"Come here."
Rachel licked her lips, and walked towards him-a little apprehensive.
"Closer."
She moved until she was right in front of him.
Young Do stared at her, and then reached over and took her hand to bring her even closer.
His hands spanned her waist.
And then he ran them down her...backside...
Touching. So much touching!
Abruptly he stood up, as if he'd caught himself, and smoothed his hands over her shoulders.
"It looks nice. Now finish getting ready."
It sounded like a dismissal.
Well, then.
Rachel tried to be cool, but she couldn't: "Nice? It looks nice? You think it looks nice?"
Young Do just made a face at her, "Rache—"
She was irritated, 'Shut up, Young Do. You don't know anything!"
/
Idiot.
"Nice"
She hadn't paid this much for a Balmain leather jacket only for him to say it looked nice.
She'd wanted him to appreciate it and marvel at it. She wanted him to slobber over her.
Idiot.
Rachel haughtily stepped away to her vanity.
She'd expected him to say more than, "It looks nice."
Nice was for plebeians.
Not girls who looked like her.
Irregardless, Rachel inwardly scoffed.
Stupid. He was just a stupid boy.
Rachel was starting to stew, and that made her want to put her most vengeful lipstick.
Rouge Fatale it was—because that's how she felt.
Thoroughly ignoring Choi Young Do, who was watching her in the mirror dolefully; she carefully lined her lips and then filled them out.
Rachel never bothered with that lollipop-sucking effect that was popular these days.
Just as she was satisfied with her handiwork, she felt him come up behind her.
"Stand up." He ordered, voice a little shaky.
"Why?" She snapped.
He leaned down (a lot) to brush her hair away from her ear, and whispered, "I want to show you why it looks nice."
Rachel hesitated.
Were they…were they about to have sex?!
She wasn't prepared! She didn't know how to be prepared!
Even though she wanted to, very very badly wanted to, she was not going to just have sex with Choi Young Do on a late Sunday evening.
Especially after he said gorgeous Celine leather jacket was nice.
That nice comment was making her the opposite of wanting to go sit on his lap.
Rachel didn't need full concentration anymore.
"Rachel, stand up."
She couldn't even glare at him in the mirror—only his torso.
She shook his hands off and stood up.
"What is it?"
Young Do bit her ear.
/
They were late for sushi.
/
Rachel gasped, and he pulled her back right against him...and she could...
She could feel that he was...
Hard.
(Lee Bo Na had told her to stop using childish terms, "You're not 15! Stop talking like a 15 year old! It's called an erection. It's called being hard!")
Young Do kissed the juncture of her neck and shoulder and Rachel gasped as he ran his hand further down her neck…
Until it was over her bra...and Rachel arched up against him...biting her lip so she didn't make a sound.
His hand stayed there...and then he...
He unzipped the front of her dress all the way down so it gaped open at the front.
Young Do leaned back a little, probably trying to gain a better look from the mirror?
Rachel still had her leather jacket on, she still had her dress on, but she felt naked...because she'd decided to wear her most see-through white lace underwear and bra.
Even without wanting to, he could see everything.
/
She'd bought it on a whim.
Right after Hyo Shin had left.
Rachel had never felt so...unattractive...so undesirable...
And then she'd found this beautiful white lacy concoction...
And it was probably the most provocative piece of clothing, let alone underwear, she owned...
She loved it. It left literally nothing to the imagination.
Nothing.
But it wasn't like anyone would see her in it.
Unless she wanted them to...
But there was no one.
Until Choi Young Do came along.
And she wanted him to see her in it.
/
Rachel heard Young Do's choked gasp.
He hitched her hips against his front, tighter...
And he...
He...
He ground down on her. What was he doing?!
Rachel couldn't help but moan though and that encouraged him...
His palms covered her breasts...
And Rachel thought she would die.
This was happening.
This was happening with a boy she liked.
And she wanted it to happen.
Young Do flipped her around and kissed her desperately, almost violently.
She wound her arms around his neck, pressing herself further into him.
Young Do had a tight grip against her hips, until he reached down and cupped her bottom.
Rachel had never realized how sensitive some body parts were.
He squeezed and she yelped! She had not known she was capable of making such sounds.
If he'd been in a better mood, she knew he would have said something witty or self-congratulatory...
But he wasn't in a better mood. He was in a terrible mood. He'd been in a terrible mood the last few weeks.
Instead of saying something, he lifted his head, his gaze dark—he picked her up and placed her on her vanity.
Oh dear.
Rachel had left her body. Her mind had left her body.
Young Do braced himself over and opened the front of her dress more.
Rachel watched him with bated breath.
Young Do looked at her right in her eyes...and that intense stare made her want to pull him closer...
With light fingers, he unclipped the front of her bra.
How he'd figured out it opened from the front was beyond her.
She was close to losing her sanity.
And she'd also forgotten how to breathe as Young Do leaned forward and kissed her.
On the mouth.
Then on the neck.
And as he moved lower, Rachel almost fell off.
He straightened and pulled her up too...
And gave her another kiss.
Rachel didn't know what to do with her hands, and ended up holding onto his strong forearms.
"Are you okay?" He asked, quietly, against her mouth.
Rachel let out a shuddering breath and could only manage to nod.
Young Do kissed her again, his tongue sliding with her hers.
"Okay. Just a few more things."
Rachel couldn't formulate words anymore. She could only stare.
/
She could only stare as Young Do rubbed his thumbs against her breasts and coaxed a moan out of her.
The worst part was that he kissed her and then lifted his head to watch her reaction.
Rachel could only stare as he...sucked...on her...
Before moving to the other...
She could only stare as she awkwardly moaned his name...a little frantically...
A little desperately...
Rachel could only stare as he chuckled against her...apparently he liked it.
And just as she was close to...coming...close to...
Young Do straightened up once again—instantly she felt the loss. He bent down and kissed her on the nose.
Rachel felt very hollow and hysterical...and her heart rate was erratic.
With deft, nimble fingers, Young Do had her up and standing, everything in place.
He fixed the jacket around her, and brushed her hair back too.
"Are you completely ready?" He asked, his voice silky smooth.
Rachel could only stare...what had just happened?
"Rachel, we're going to be late."
That shook her out of her stupor.
She stupidly looked down at her vanity, and everything was in disarray. All her lipsticks were scattered everywhere.
Rachel caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and she looked...wild!
Her cheeks were red. Her lips swollen and messy with lipstick. Her eyes luminous.
Then Young Do hugged her from behind, his arms locking around her waist, and chin resting on her shoulder.
"Tsk. What a mess we made." He bit his lip gleefully.
Rachel had lost the power of speech. Really, what had just happened?
She stared at him in the mirror.
Both of their mouths were smeared with red.
Why had he stopped?
Why had he stopped right before she-? Had he really stopped on purpose?
He hadn't last time...
She wanted to stamp her foot, she wanted to scream at him, she wanted to cry, she wanted to make him feel the same, she wanted him to continue. And then she panicked a little because how did she know she wanted him to continue?
How did she know anything? This was all foreign territory. She wanted to bawl in frustration, both at his denial of her…and at the situation in general.
Was she really ready to have sex with him? Was she really ready? Rachel was above her hormones. That's why she'd never done anything stupid with Kim Tan…not that he'd wanted to, anyways.
But was sex with Choi Young Do on the table now? It had been moments ago…but was he, was he worth it?
That was the question she was troubled by, especially in her flustered state right now, and she wanted to ask him that: "Are you worth it?"
It was on the tip of her tongue, except, she only said "I need to put on lipstick again." Sometimes Rachel surprised herself.
That wiped the smirk off his face though.
She shrugged Young Do off and carefully wiped off the mess from her lips...as he backed away and sat down on her bed—but he looked on edge again.
After she was done—she carefully reapplied it, hands shaking a little, all the while maintaining eye contact with him, and his face had lost all playfulness. Instead, he swallowed and narrowed his eyes at her.
Oh dear.
Rache wasn't sure what would happen with him in this state—he clearly looked bothered. Good. Now he knew how she felt. Bothered on all levels.
She turned around, and was about to wipe the lipstick off his mouth, but he grabbed her wrist, and pulled her into his lap—
Young Do sucked on her tongue, and then her lip—and in response, Rachel ground down on his lap. His hips twitched against hers.
Where these instincts were coming from, she didn't want to know.
He kept kissing her messily, and she started running her hands up and down his thighs—
But he broke apart from her, breathing heavily, looking as lost as he'd just made her feel less than a minute ago.
Good.
"Just. Just wipe the lipstick off of me," He croaked.
/
They were both ravenous at the restaurant.
/
The next few days at school were…
Rachel wanted to be shy, but Young Do wouldn't let her.
He kept holding her hand. He kept meeting her at her locker. He kept eating with her at lunch.
Everything was fine, except Rachel felt skittish around him. How could he be so unaffected after all the things they'd done?
Rachel didn't say anything though, because there was a set to his shoulders, and a storm brewing in his eyes.
Things were not good with him. Something really was happening, and it involved his parents, but Rachel couldn't help unless he asked.
And he would never ask because…he was just like her…
He had grown irritated with her nervousness around him though.
Rachel couldn't help it: whenever she would look at his hands…or his mouth…or just him, she would be reminded of just what they could do for her, to her.
And she also remembered his comment about his favorite fingers and she wasn't sure what he had in store for her.
In a way she was ready, in another she wasn't.
Also, she still hadn't figured out why he'd stopped that day before she came. Rachel had almost broken down and asked Johnny, but then decided against it.
Johnny was no longer number one and he knew it. Plus, she couldn't ask him something like that.
Young Do didn't understand her confusion or hesitation; he just became annoyed and sarcastic every time she would jump when he touched her.
/
3 days before
Rachel was closing her locker door, when Young Do stormed up to her and slammed his hand against the neighboring lockers.
She was so startled she only blurted, "What the hell are you doing?!"
"What was that today, huh?" He snapped, anger etched on his face.
"What was what?" She asked in confusion, although she had a faint idea about what he was referring to.
"You know what, I'm talking about gym." He said through clenched teeth.
Gym.
Gym.
Where she'd refused to be his partner, as he'd advanced towards her—she'd danced out of his reach, instead grabbing for Bo Na, who didn't care since Chan Young was in a different class.
They were supposed to help each other stretch before doing sit ups.
She was not going to stretch with Choi Young Do. In school. In front of everyone. She was not going to have his hands touching her, in school.
"Calm down, Myung Soo was happy to work with you."
Young Do leaned closer, face tight with fury, "I'm starting to think you have an issue with me touching you."
Idiot. She was with a complete fucking idiot.
Rachel only rolled her eyes and exhaled, "If you don't get it, that's not my fault."
"Oh, really?"
"Really."
"You really won't tell me what your problem is?"
"There is no problem, except for you being a dummy."
Young Do straightened and muttered, "I'm going to make you pay for that."
Rachel wasn't sure how. Or when. But she felt…oh dear god.
Before she could say something in response, his phone rang, and Rachel was able to glance at the name displayed on the screen, before Young Do rejected it, sliding the phone in his pocket.
Omma, it had said. He was ignoring his mother's call.
Rachel looked up at him with a knitted brow, as he raised his eyebrows and glared off into the distance.
"Why aren't you answering her call?"
"Why do you move when I touch you?" He countered.
"Young Do."
"Rachel."
For someone so clever, he could be astoundingly stupid.
Rachel looked around the deserted hallway; Young Do had resurfaced his habit of clearing any vicinity he was in with just his presence.
Since no one was there she took the opportunity to yank him down by his collar and bite him on his lip.
He only blinked, as she drew back, and said, "That doesn't answer my question."
"You didn't answer mine."
He put his hands up in surrender, "I'm going to walk away from you now."
Rachel grabbed Young Do's hand and tried to pull him down again, but he resisted.
Goddamnit, "Young Do, come here."
He rolled his eyes as he complied, lowering his head to her ear, as she whispered, "You are such an idiot—" he tried to move away from her, but she held him in place, "I…I don't want you to not touch me…I just don't want you to—"
Young Do's phone was ringing again.
He reached into his pocket to see who was calling, and his jaw tightened—it was his mother again.
Rachel watched him with a sinking feeling.
Young Do scoffed bitterly, "She doesn't want to listen. You don't want me touching you—"
Abruptly he stopped and his face went blank as he bit his lip, not looking at her.
Rachel couldn't take it anymore; she reached up and caressed his face, "Young Do-ah," she said his name, and his face softened, as he blinked several times, trying to control his emotions.
Rachel decided to take a risk as she took the plunge, she just needed to distract him, "I want the opposite of you touching me. I can't stop thinking about you or your hands. And that's why I can't have you touching me at school. Because I can't…because it's, because I want your hands. All the time," she finished, her voice hushed.
Young Do was watching her with an inscrutable expression, and she blinked up at him, feeling very unsure of everything. He was about to say something, but his phone rang again.
He rejected the call again, and pulled her flush against him as he kissed her hard on the mouth, then groaned, "You can't say things like that to me, Rachel."
She buried her face in his shirt, "I know. That's why I didn't say anything."
Young Do drew back, tipping her chin up, and kissed her again, opening her mouth under his.
It wasn't just one kiss; it was several. His lips were so soft and he was so tall and strong and able to hold her up and his shoulders were so nice and Rachel closed the very minimal distance between them—until he finally whispered against her mouth, "That was a very good distraction, but unfortunately, I have to go."
Rachel could only nod. She didn't want to step away from him though—he felt too warm and solid and he smelled good.
Young Do looked like he felt the same way, because he gave her a swift kiss, before placing his hands on her shoulders and gently pushing her away.
Rachel sighed, and he caught it, because he looked at her with that inscrutable expression again.
He ran his hand through her hair, resting it on the back of her neck and stroked her cheek with her thumb, "I'll see you later, okay? Don't be sad."
Rachel didn't know why she felt sad, but the fact that he could tell…
She reached up and straightened the collar of his shirt, the move more possessive than anything, "Okay, you don't be sad either, okay?"
Young Do laughed lightly and kissed her cheek before he left.
/
Rachel didn't see him for the next two days. Neither did Myung Soo or Bo Na.
She only got a text saying, "I'm with my mother. I want to eat ramen with you, even though you hate it."
Rachel had called him, but he didn't answer. She didn't know what to text back other than, "Okay, we'll go." He didn't respond.
She wasn't too worried, per se, because he was with his mom. But she had a bad feeling about the whole thing.
And then he showed up at her bedroom door, in the middle of the night, swaying, crying, bleeding.
/
Rachel had no idea how to comfort a crying boy.
She'd never thought she would be in that position.
An upset boy, yes, she had some inkling.
But a crying boy? No.
What was she supposed to do?
Johnny was...she couldn't ask Johnny, a boy, how to console a boy.
And the sickest part was—she wasn't surprised. She had been expecting something like this...Young Do's two day disappearance made sense.
Rachel never wanted Young Do to experience such pain...but...she'd had this terrible intuition that something was going to go abysmally wrong.
He'd avoided his mother's phone calls. He'd said she wouldn't listen…
So she just hugged him tighter and stroked his hair.
Eventually they would have to talk, but for now, she would hold him.
(Although, he was actually holding her.)
/
Young Do still held onto her very tightly.
His crying had long since subsided, so silence descended upon them. Rachel wondered how to get him cleaned up and then on her bed…she would need his cooperation, but how to break the silence?
Then—she heard a phone ringing—it was Young Do's.
Who was calling him this time of night?
She could tell he was starting to drift off, but she wasn't sure about the etiquette of answering someone else's phone...even if it was Young Do.
The ringing stopped.
Then Rachel's phone started ringing...who was calling her?
Thankfully it was right on her bed—so she reached over and peered at the caller ID...
It was...Jo Myung Soo.
"Hello," she whispered.
"Yoo Rachel! Thank god. Listen, have you seen Choi Young Do?"
Myung Soo's voice was slurring...
"Rachel, he's bad right now! He came to see me like an hour ago, and took like 5 shots, and then left! I don't know where he went but he kept mumbling something about touching pink lace in a white closet! It made no sense! He's gone crazy!" Myung Soo started laughing.
White closet and pink lace? It did make sense. Sort of.
Myung Soo kept rambling on though, and it was becoming more nonsensical by the minute...he was singing now, and dedicating it to Young Do.
"Myung Soo," she finally interrupted, "Did he say anything else?"
"He—he said something about his mother? And then he punched some guy in the face. I had to stop him. And then he disappeared. I think he was going to Zeus to wash dishes."
Wash dishes?
"Did he take his bike?" Rachel tried to keep Myung Soo on track.
"No! He yelled at me though and said you ride a bike, about how you can't drive it. And then he told me about a place where there are so many shoes and they were pretty and how there's a pretty kitty-cat, and she told him not to drive. He was hilarious. But I'm cuter."
Rachel tried to process what she'd just heard, so Myung Soo mistook her silence as permission to keep singing.
Young Do had been gone for two days, which wasn't as shocking because he had a habit of going AWOL. And at least she knew where he was…but what had happened there?
She tried to piece the story together, trying to ignore Myung Soo's horrific rendering of, "I got a boy."
Apparently something had upset Young Do enough to seek out Myung Soo and get drunk—then he'd gotten into a fight, which explained the bleeding knuckles—but he had cuts on his hands too…
Then he'd blathered on about...Rachel (and her underwear!) but thank god it had all been garbled, and Myung Soo's drunken comprehension skills were subpar, so he didn't understand.
Touching pink lace?! Rachel blushed furiously.
Then...Young Do went to Zeus to wash dishes? Was that where he got the cuts?
Somewhere down the line, he decided to head here, to her room, to...her.
It made some sense.
Myung Soo's "singing" was starting to resemble screeching. High pitched screeching.
"Okay, Myung Soo—"
He kept singing.
"Ya, Myung Soo!"
He still kept singing…was he…was he trying to imitate Michael Jackson? That's what it sounded like.
"JO MYUNG SOO!"
"Sorry, what? What? Where's Choi Young Do? He was here an hour ago."
It was 3 in the morning. She was tired. There was a very sad boy in her room, and she needed to take care of him. She had no time for drunken nonsense.
"Myung Soo, I know where Young Do is. Don't worry about him. Just go home now."
"Okay, he's safe? Is he with the cat? I want to see the cat."
Oh dear god. She didn't have energy to explain anything to drunken Myung Soo.
"Okay, Myung Soo, I'm going to go now."
"Byyyyye Racheellllll. Young Do said you always smell niiiiiiccceeeeee." All concern for Young Do had apparently fled.
Rachel exhaled before answering, "Bye," and hung up.
/
Getting Young Do into her bed was a bigger ordeal.
He'd woken up and sat there sullenly, not saying anything.
Rachel approached him like she would approach a baby…or a bear.
He fit the description of both.
And she was starting to feel a growing surliness…and she didn't know why…
First things first, getting his face and hands cleaned up.
"Young Do, can you get up and come with me to the bathroom?"
He pursed his lips…and Rachel wanted to start wailing, this was too much. It was all too much. He'd been gone. His mother had left him. He'd been crying. He was bleeding.
And she didn't know how to help him...!
He was also making her irrationally irritable.
Rachel didn't want to pursue the line of reasoning that had cropped up.
Young Do must have seen something on her face, because he stood up and stalked towards the bathroom, promptly vomiting in the toilet.
Oh yes, he was also drunk. How much alcohol would it take someone of his stature to get drunk? 5 shots, Myung Soo had said…but 5 shots of what?
Also, Young Do was vomiting in her bathroom. Evil Prince, indeed.
Rachel hovered between the doorway. She almost wanted to keep her distance, but went over to him, and she was unsure about rubbing his back.
Not because of the vomit, but because he wasn't okay. Except she didn't know how he would take it.
If he acts like an asshole, he can just head on over to Myung Soo's, Nasty Rachel whispered.
Rachel shook that thought aside. He'd come to her. Obviously, there was something happening…
Thank God he finished…and headed over to the sink where he started washing his face. He found his toothbrush from last time, and started brushing, watching her in the mirror as he did so.
Even now. Even in his condition. Even with toothpaste foam. Even at this time of night. His stare made her feel things. And not all of them were physical.
So Rachel busied herself with the first aid kit which had remained in her bathroom from the last time.
Young Do was wiping his face and his hands weren't as bad as she'd assumed. He leaned against the sink, waiting for her.
Rachel felt weird. He'd just told her something so serious, yet here they were.
"I got blood on your dress." He finally spoke.
It didn't look as frightening as she'd initially thought.
Rachel sighed, "It's fine. I'll just change."
Young Do didn't say anything, only held out his hands as she cleaned them up.
He watched her as she put bandages on him, and it made her feel weepy and wistful.
This boy.
This was becoming a routine. And not a very good one.
"Before you ask, things have happened. I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to sleep. Will you sleep with me?" He said quietly.
Cryptic. Always so cryptic. No answers. No explanations. Just showing up at her door. What if her Omma had been home?!
He'd had time to drink with Myung Soo, but he couldn't have called her and told her what was going on?
Rachel felt like something, and that something sounded like possessive girlfriend, and it was annoying. She'd unsuccessfully played that role with Kim Tan, and she'd hated it. She wasn't doing this again.
If she was honest with herself, Rachel knew that's not why she was growing aggravated…it was something else. And she didn't want to deal with it.
Instead, she only nodded. There was nothing to say right now. She didn't trust herself to say anything right now.
/
Rachel had taken off her white slip and grabbed for something to wear without a thought.
Young Do settled on her bed, and narrowed his eyes at her as she came around the other side.
God, they really were like a couple, weren't they?
"You're wearing my shirt." He said, shortly.
She blistered at his tone. He sounded irritated.
"Do you want me to take it off?" She snapped.
Rachel was trying. She was really trying. To be nice. But he was making it hard.
His eyebrows went up at that, and he only said, "I can see your underwear. It's a green thing."
It was Keroppi.
"Do you want me to take it off?" She repeated, annoyed.
"I could just take them off for you." He smirked.
Rachel ignored him and turned away, "Good night, Young Do."
/
It took her a long time to fall asleep.
/
Rachel woke up with Young Do's arm around her back. He was turned the other way, on his stomach, but his arm was resting protectively against her.
/
He'd woken her up earlier—it was still dark.
"Young Do! What is it, are you okay?" She was startled.
"Rachel, am I bad? Do I deserve this?" His voice was shaky. He'd been crying again.
"Young Do," she said plaintively.
He took her hand and rested it against his cheek, "Please tell me. Am I paying for my actions?"
Rachel leaned forward and kissed him softly. He accepted her kiss, but he was still crying. His face was wet.
She wiped the tears off his face, and kissed him again. She had no answer to his questions, but she could only tell him, because she couldn't take it: he was hurt and upset and needed her. And she wanted to be everything for him.
"Young Do, I want you to know…I would do anything…anything for you. Okay. So, you deserve that. Okay? You've done bad things, I've done bad things. But…no, I would do anything to make you happy, okay?"
It wasn't making sense, and she felt too out of control. Everything was out of control.
Young Do only nodded, then hugged her, "I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you."
If it was any other situation, Rachel would have surely gagged.
But he was asking for penitence. She understood that. She'd felt the same way after Appa had left.
She only kissed him again in response.
He fell asleep curled up around her.
/
Young Do stirred a little, but didn't wake up. So Rachel snuggled up against his back, arm settling over him.
This boy.
What had he done to her?
In the dark of the night she hadn't wanted to admit it, but now she could.
She was in love with Choi Young Do.
Fuck. Fuck.