Sorry for the lateness!!! Reeeaaaaalllllyyyyy SORRY! But I know exactly how this is going to pan out now- I have it all written down, and I just have to write it all out.
Ooo! I Started a Blog, I figured I needed a place to vent you know. And whenever something exciting happens I feel bad when I write it in authors notes…people hate them and cant be bothered reading them. At least in a blog people read it because they want to!
I don't own anything from Stephenie Meyer's wonderful books that will forever be in my heart.
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The next day at school wasn't a happy one…well at least not for me, I'm sure other people in the world weren't being ignored by the one they happen to be in love with.
Yes, that's right…He says to me, 'see you at school' when really that means, 'when I see you at school, I will look away from you and pretend you don't exist'. How exactly does that work out?
All its managed to do is make me feel even more crappier and unloved and unwanted than I had since I came back…The higher your hopes get up- which they had as soon as he said 'see you at school', making me believe that he actually wanted to see me- the farther you have to fall.
And I was falling hard…if only it was the falling into love kind. But no, that won't happen because Edward need-to-get-his-priorities-straight won't even look at me, even after we had our discussion yesterday.
Okay, yes, he was angry and I would understand him wanting to ignore me- it would be childish, but I could understand- but before he had left he'd calmed down so really…he had no reason to be acting like a seven year old.
Something was seriously wrong with him- not that I hadn't already figured that out. The whole family was acting weird, but there were still those underlying emotions in there eyes when my eyes met with theirs when walking down halls, or in the cafeteria at lunch. The brief smiles and excitement that I received off Alice whenever I saw her, or the rich superior glance I got from Rosalie, but sent in a way that didn't feel like she was rubbing it in my face. Even the annoying things like Emmett's laughing smiles that he tried to cover up whenever he saw me stumble or get nudged into a wall in a crowded corridor.
Those were the small, yet fulfilling signs that stopped me from going crazy on them, demanding what the hell was going on. But I was getting sick of this, it only takes one small thing to tip some one over the edge, and I had been tipped. That feather had landed on the wrong side and I wanted answers.
And that was why, at this very moment I was in my ancient truck that held so much history in its rust encrusted hood, towards the hospital…where Carlisle just happens to work.
I pushed down on the accelerator; speeding up the car as I worked myself up again-even though I should really be trying to calm down. But really, if I did that, I would probably chicken out by the time I reached the hospital, which was something that I wouldn't allow to happen.
I tightened my hands around the steering wheel, clench, un-clench, as the old truck groaned in protest at me, for once actually wanting to drive fast. But with the screeching engine, and me having to slow down to the normal snails pace, the impatient mood sort of faded to a halt, my hands stopped clenching and I could feel myself feeling stupider and stupider the closer I became to the hospital.
Oh gosh…what am I going to say? I'm going to look like an idiot simply! Ugh…why did I do this again?
By the time I was pulling into a parking spot, my revved up, take the lead attitude was completely gone, in its place was hole gaping doubt. But I was determined- if not stubborn- to find out something…anything.
I slammed the truck door pathetically, trying to be angry again…no success. Slouching my shoulders, I crossed my arms over my chest and reluctantly moved my feet towards the entrance. My steps were slow and small…on account of I was making grandma steps, each foot touching the next as I moved.
After about two minutes of me taking granny steps, I finally found my self standing on the mat in front of the electronic doors. I waited until the doors had silently slid completely open before taking my first tiny step into the heavily sterilized smelling room. I knew I must have looked really odd, hobbling into a hospital like this, but I couldn't bring myself to care to much, I was nervous as to what I was to be told…forced into being told….if I was able to get a back bone before then!
"Oh dear, did you hurt yourself, again?" A female voice asked concerned. I looked towards the voice, seeing if it was referring to me. The receptionist at the desk was staring at me horrified. I had seen her here many times before, before I even left. Her blond hair was falling out of her pony tail like always, but I knew seeing me always left her a little flustered. She was always the first to see me stumble into the hospital…I guess it takes a toll on you.
I shook my head in reply, what made her think I was hurt? I continued my little hobble towards the- Oh…hobble…limping…receptionist not being able to read minds…got it. I smiled sheepishly at the receptionist before straightening up and walking normally over to her desk, not wanting to continue making her think I was hurt…still.
"Is Dr. Cullen still here?" I questioned the receptionist, trying to ignore my stained red cheeks from being caught 'limping' for no apparent reason.
The woman stared at me blankly before blinking twice, snapping out of her reverie. "Oh, right, Carlisle…" She mumbled to herself, looking around her desk and shuffling papers distractedly. "Well he's on clinic duty at the moment so he should be coming out soon to collect his next patients file so…you may be able to catch him then." The woman smiled at me briefly with not much feeling behind it, back to business it seemed.
I nodded my head in understanding, my cheeks finally beginning to feel cooler. The woman was still looking at me, almost studying me, which was really starting to make me feel awkward. Her stare was making me feel as though I couldn't move until she was finished. "So…" I began. "I'll go sit over there…" I pointed to the waiting room chairs opposite her.
She looked over my shoulder at the chairs and nodded with a polite smile on her face. I grinned back, kind of forced as colour started burning my face at the awkwardness of the moment. "Okay…." I turned on my heel and made my way across the room to sit a seat down from a stressed out looking man with his head in his hands.
I took my seat and looked around the almost silent room, trying to find something to occupy me while I waited. The TV in the corner was turned off…I was tempter to go over and turn it on, but I didn't want to disturb the other people in the room…plus draw attention to myself.
(A/N: I hate that. When you're at the clinic waiting for AGES and then the TV is on some boring show or not on at all, but you're too scared to go change the channel cause no ones watching it anyway, or turn it on in the first place.)
My eyes began to trace the patterns in the carpet after having found nothing else of interest. The room was filled with hushed silence, when the few kids that were waiting said something it was usually followed by a 'shh, now', and every now and then a cough or a splutter broke through the blanket of patient quiet. I was tempted to start humming the kind of music they play in elevators to pass the time, but that would be stupid…do do…do-do…de-do do…do-do
I sighed heavily as only after a minute of staring I knew the pattern of the carpet off by heart…Hexagon….hexagon…..hexagon….hexagon….oh look, hexagon. I let my eyes rove around the room again, trying to find something that stood out. There was an old man sleeping, his head fallen onto his shoulder with his mouth slightly open.
And there was a mother trying to get her two children to sit down and behave. The older of the two, the boy was pulled away from his younger sister and sat on the other side of his mother, separating the two of them. I continued to watch as the boy leaned back over the chair to mouth some words at his sister, but she just smiled and pointed at him, pretending to laugh that he got moved and she didn't, poking her tongue out in the process.
I had to smile at their actions; it was such an Edward and Alice situation…
A door opened near where the old man was sleeping, making my attention pull away from the squabbling children. Dr.Carlisle came out of the room, looking over his papers as he walked towards the desk. I stood up, hoping to get his attention on his way past. He looked up, just as I hoped. His eyes seemed to open a bit wider than usual, while his shoulders slumped at the initial shock of seeing and recognising me. But that look disappeared soon enough and his eyes took on that doctor-ish inspecting look as he searched my face and head for injury.
"Bella, is your head hurting still from yesterday?" Carlisles features contorted with worry as he moved closer to me. I shook my head no, but he prodded the area where I hot my head anyway.
"Seriously sir, I'm just here to talk to you." I reached up and gently pulled his hand away from my head. Carlisle paused, letting his hand drop to his side. He studied me carefully, probably looking to see what this conversation would be about exactly- although I'm sure he knew already – and if there was going to be any getting out of it. There wasn't going to be, I may be feeling nervous about this, but my face showed other wise, I tried to look determined, as hard as steel; nothing was going to budge me.
Carlisle nodded reluctantly, clearly getting the message. He pointed back to the room he just came out of. I smiled slightly that I was going to be able to get this over and done with. No troubles at all….I just have to figure out what to say first.
I stepped carefully and slowly into the small room, there was a bed over to one side and a chair that was for the Doctor. I let my self drop onto the bed, while Carlisle lowered himself into the chair, watching me cautiously. He didn't say anything, just waited….and waited, while I sat gaping like a fish out of water for some way to start. After a few seconds of this I felt my self changing shades of colour at how dumb I was making myself out to be.
Thankfully Carlisle helped me out a bit, "I'm guessing you want to talk about your…relationship with my family?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed, jerking forward in my relief that I didn't have to say that myself. Carlisle's lips twitched slightly, fighting a smile at my exasperated faze. He nodded for me to continue. "It's just…" I trailed off pathetically. I couldn't even get this out properly, which was exactly why I needed my anger back…so I wouldn't care…but I did. How was I supposed to tell him that his children- my second family, are ignoring me so to speak? That would sound like I think they're bullying me and I'll seem like a nark, or I could say that they aren't acting normal…which be like accusing his kids of having serious problems.
"Go on, you can tell me. I'll understand," Carlisle prodded in a gentle fatherly voice. I closed my eyes, trying to think of the right way to approach this.
"It's just…I know…I know that things have happened while I was away those two years, and I naively thought that when I got back things would go back to normal. That was stupid of me, things always change. In one minute, everything you believe in can change.
"But, when I see your kids at school, the ways they look at me…those looks haven't changed. There the same ones I got before way back when, and I know something is holding them back and I just want to know what it is," My voice took on a desperate edge as I thought about it. I opened my eyes to connect with his, to try and convey how strongly I felt about this. "I want to understand of nothing else"
Carlisle stared thoughtfully at the ground, closing his eyes after a moment, looking as though he was in pain. I waited, dreading what he was going to tell me with that expression on his face.
With a heavy sigh Carlisle looked at me regretfully, making my insides drop with out needing words to be spoken, I already knew his words weren't what I wanted. "Bella…" He began with that tone that always signalled that there was something about to be said that you wouldn't like. "I know that this is hard on you…and my own children as well. Edwards already had a long talk about this with me; it's just as hard on him, if not harder."
I scoffed at this, as if. He was the one ignoring me! At least I was making an effort. Carlisle noticed my steaming and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"All I'm saying" Carlisle rushed out, "Is that when he's ready, he'll tell you, and it would be better coming from Edward rather than me."
I looked away from Carlisle, not wanting him to see the burning in my eyes that was the cause of tears moving along the rim of my eyes, just waiting to slide down my cheek. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to speak with out letting my tears shine through with my voice.
"Why…W-" I couldn't speak still…these words were the ones that were getting at me. What did I do to get all this evasiveness thrown at me. I breathed deeply again, but my breaths were shuddering. "Why don't any of you trust me enough to just tell me…? I could help maybe-"
My tears finally took there joy ride down the slope of my cheek, while my ribs shuddered as I breathed in, trying and failing to keep myself in check.
Carlisle shook his head sadly, his shoulders slumping as he tipped his head to the ground, making his blonde hair cover his eyes. "Bella, if it's meant to be, it will work out…fate has a funny way of making things right. And it will…you just to give it time."
I knew Carlisles words were supposed to make me feel better, and I tried to let them in and be okay with waiting for that one minute in time when every thing changes, but truth was…All they managed to do was get me frustrated and even more impatient. But I nodded anyway, wiping away the few tears left on my skin.
"Okay," My voice was choked up but I continued anyway. "Thanks Carlisle, I'll see you around." I got up off the bed, shrugged off his hand still on my shoulder and practically power walked to the door, not waiting for a reply from Carlisle.
I got out into the waiting room and went towards the entrance doors, only to find that my foot had got caught on something. I turned a bit sideways as I started getting more horizontal. It was the sleeping old mans foot, which I was caught over. There was nothing for me to grab on to so I put my arms out in front of me to help catch my fall. The palms of my hands hit the ground quickly, followed by my body, squishing my hands between myself and the floor. I felt like I had just got winded so it took me a second to move.
I heard two sets of giggling and laughing…maniac laughing. I turned my head to see the two little children still on either side of their mum, cackling like idiots at me. When they saw me laughing they covered there mouths with there hands which only made it sound more like they were snorting. My face went bright crimson in a second as I stood up. There mother sent me an apologetic look before trying to get the two still maniacally laughing to settle down.
…Little buggers…
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OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!! (X 10)
EDWARD CULLEN has been cast in the TWILIGHT MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!! Robert Patterson…. (if you didn't know that….I only just yesterday looked on the website but its been there for a few days, so…. Man,I have NO idea what to think….im half half with the movie! Yes, no! yes, NO!) but on one side…Harry potter fans will watch it coz its got the Cedric diggory from the movies, and then they will be TWILIGHT FANS! YAY! MORE fans!-I'm gonna go watch harry potter now…
-not so Brightside for me….if this movie does come out…which it is VERY likely it will…I will get to see it MONTHS after it comes out in the US…do you know how much that SUCKS! When I think about it I just feel like crying…okay not crying, I don't cry easy….but you know what I mean!
Anyway, I'll update again soon! I haven't started but I now have the incentive to write this story quickly, I'm a woman with a mission so to speak.
Its SUMMER! ….i prefer the cold seasons…but still….SUMMER! And Christmas is very soon! And an exact week after Xmas, New years day…it's….my 15th BIRTHDAY!...thats scary….and exciting….wow….15!
But my summer holidays aren't going to be that fun filled, with my dad helping my mum out even less with money now since they've split, its going to be REALLY hard. Christmas is going to be a little event, my birthday…ha ha, yeah, not much will go on then I bet. But still, I'm just glad that there is only a week left of school. YESSSSSS! Oh and…Ewww….i think I have to get a job…and the only place I can think of that I could very likely actually get a job at and that would hire me even though I'm still young is McDonalds…or some fast food place…I don't want to work with greasy crap!...and I'm still to young to work at some place like Target or any clothing stores….SO SAD! OH! Gelatissimo…I could work at a Gelato shop!...maybe….
Okay, I'll stop writing my thoughts in authors notes…other wise it will go through MANY different things…like….maybe I could work at Donut King with my friend cathy….there uniforms are so dorky….which is why she wants to work there…right in the middle of the food court….so she can be seen….Why would you want to be seen In Hot pink and blue weirdo uniforms anyway?!
Anywho, Review if you want! I know this story went down hill a little…maybe a lot….some people liked it…others didn't. I was part of the didn't but its getting back on track!