Jax was released from the hospital a couple hours later. Bobby took him by his house first so he could see the damage. Jax stood there and shook his head. "Look at this shit? Is Darby using his own product?" asked Jax. Jax walked through his ransacked house and went to his bedroom and packed a bag for a couple of days to take over to Clay and Gemma's house. He said "Looks like Darby hit my gun stash while he was here…took some tvs and shit like that. He missed the money…but then I am guessing he was in a hurry when he hit my place last night. I am ready to get out of here Bobby." Jax walked back out to the car and climbed in. Jax lit a cigarette and puffed on it a bit as he got settled in the car.
Bobby got into the car and said "Darby is laying low but he won't be able to do that for a long time. When he makes contact with his people we will grab him. They are still making their product on the outskirts of town. We are going to have people looking out for him. We've been keeping it quiet so far so that Darby doesn't try to make a run for it. Right now he is probably just trying to feel it out and see if we know he is the responsible party. You just worry about healing." Bobby drove toward Clay and Gemma's house. He looked over at Jax periodically.
Jax saw Bobby looking at him. "What do you have to say Bobby? Go ahead and say it….I know everyone and their mother has and opinion about what is going on right now. I respect you …so I am willing to listen to what you have to say." Jax leaned back against the seat and waited to hear what Bobby had to say. Bobby was like the conscious of the club sometimes. He was calm and could usually see all the sides of a situation. Jax respected his opinion and figured it couldn't hurt to hear him out.
Bobby said "You and Opie…how do you see that situation playing out? All of the eyes in the club are on the two of you…wondering what the hell is going on….going after a member's old lady…against the rules and both of you know it…but because you two are boyhood friends…no one has gotten into the fray…this goes beyond the club…but it is spilling over into the club."
"If I knew Bobby…we wouldn't be in this situation. I love Tara…and if she is interested in being with me again…I am not about to back off…not even for someone I love like my own blood. I don't know what that means for me and Opie." said Jax shrugging. "But I've got a chance…I am going to take it…if that means I go Nomad for awhile to keep the peace in the club…then I will do that. Tara is worth it…I've screwed up in the past if I get another chance… I will not pass it up."
"Even with her being pregnant with Ope's kid? You prepared to be daddy to his kid if the two of you end up together?" asked Bobby. Bobby was trying to feel out just how serious Jax was about this whole situation but from what Jax was saying Bobby saw a long and messy fight ahead for Jax and Opie and that was bad for the club.
He chuckled and said "Yeah, I ain't got a problem with that. Like I told her…this baby is half her…I can't help but love it…I mean las night when I found her unconscious in the shower…it wasn't just her I was worried about. My thoughts went to the baby too. And despite the situation with me and Opie…this kid is half him too. And I love my brother. I could be a father to this baby just as easily as I am with Abel, just as easily as Tara loved and took care of Abel. That isn't even and issue for me. I mean I am not going to try to take Ope's place in his kid's life or nothing. But if he is still acting like a little bitch like he was yesterday…then damn right I will step up and be daddy."
Bobby just shook his head. This situation was going to get a lot worse before it got any better. He pulled up at the house and said "I'll carry your bag in for you. Clay wanted me to let Gemma know that he'd be busy at the club for awhile. He figured she'd be spending her day at home since you and Tara were going to be there and would probably need her."
Jax laughed and said "I can carry my own bag. And don't worry about mom. I'll tell her what Clay said. I have better luck in not telling her anything else. I've had years of successfully dodging her questions. Thanks for the ride Bobby." Jax got out of the car and grabbed his bag.
Gemma opened the door having heard the vehicle pull up. She smiled and said "Hi baby. I was wondering when the hell you were going to get here. I was tempted to just come back to the hospital to pick you up myself. But I didn't want to leave Tara here by herself. Neeta is picking up a few things at the store for me. I've got your old room ready for you. It is good to have you home. Although I know by the end of the week your rooms will smell like Fritos, marijuana, and dirty socks and I will be ready for you to leave again." She kissed his cheek.
Jax chuckled and said "You are loving this aren't you? I am going to go and get settled in. I'll come back to see you and the kid in a minute." Jax walked into the house and headed up to his bedroom. He tossed his bag on the bed and unpacked his clothes putting them in his old dresser. Everything took him twice as long because he only had one arm. After he put everything away he had a seat on his bed and lit up a joint. He wanted to relax. After a couple of puffs he chuckled realizing he was already on pain medication. After he was more relaxed Jax walked back to the living room. Jax had a seat on the couch. He heard the tell-tale sounds of Abel crawling and soon enough he saw his son's smiling face at his feet. Jax chuckled and lifted Abel up and said "Hi little man. I missed you." He kissed the top of his head. "Have you been having funny with granny?" asked Jax tickling his stomach.
Gemma walked into the room and said "As you see Abel has been on the move today. He loves exploring Grandma and Grandpa's house. So many places for him to get lost…so many things for him to pull down off of tables. And so many things for him to stuff into his little mouth. I swear he reminds me of you more every day." Gemma had a seat next to Jax on the couch. "You reek of weed. How are you doing sweetheart…I mean how are you really doing?" asked Gemma.
Jax laughed and said "Yeah…your house has a lot more crap in it than my place. A lot more rooms than he is used to as well. I am…okay. Bobby asked me what I thought the outcome of all of this would be. I don't know…I don't know what the outcome is…I guess it comes down to what Tara wants. I mean if she really wants to be with Ope I am not going to stand in her way…I want her to be happy even if that means she isn't with me. I don't think Opie is going to be as understanding though if she decides that it is me that she wants be with. You got any ideas on which way she is leaning on the issue?"
Gemma said "I don't know…right now she is in the middle and she feels guilty…I think she has an idea but she is scared of making a wrong choice…the two of you fighting in her hospital room this morning certainly didn't help her come to a decision….she loves both of you. That is about as much as I can tell you right now. She doesn't want to blow up your friendship…she doesn't want to be caught in the middle…and she doesn't want to hurt the club."
"I didn't start the fight…." said Jax looking at Gemma. "But I didn't try to stop it either. I was pissed at him for coming at me like that…and I guess if I am honest…I am still angry at him for hooking up with Tara to begin with. If anyone should know…Opie should know that I am always going to love Tara. Nothing is going to change that…no matter how long we are apart. I've made a lot of mistakes but I always thought I would make it back to Tara…we always do…I need to go talk to her…" said Jax.
Gemma nodded and said "Mmmhmmm…if you upset her you have my word that you will be staying at the club and Sack can take care of you." She took Abel from him. "We should go have a bottle kiddo." said Gemma to Abel.
Jax got up and walked to the guestroom. He stood there for a moment and then knocked on the door. "Tara?" asked Jax leaning against the bedroom door waiting for her to say something. He didn't want to be too loud in case she was taking a nap.
Tara was laying in the bed watching television and filling out some paperwork for the hospital when she heard Jax's voice on the other side of the door. She didn't even realize it but she perked up as soon as she heard his voice. "Come in…" said Tara. She shifted in the bed some putting another pillow behind her back to prop herself up against the headboard. She picked up the remote and turned off the TV.
Jax walked into the bedroom closing the door behind him. "How are you feeling Tara?" asked Jax. He walked over to the bed and had a seat next to her. "What is this?" asked Jax looking at the paperwork on her lap. He placed a kiss on her temple.
"I am doing alright. I took a nap…I am feeling tired though I will probably take another nap again soon. Oh this is from the hospital. I need to fill these out for the administrator. I am taking off two weeks for medical leave. If I have to take more time off after that I will have to use the vacation time I have saved up. How is your arm doing?" asked Tara concerned for him. She felt bad that he had gotten into an accident rushing her to the hospital.
"It is good…they have me on Loratabs so I am not feeling any pain. So you've got to be on bed rest for awhile huh…?" asked Jax looking at Tara. "Well, there is one thing you have to know about my mom. When she decides that she loves you…she will dote on you if you need anything. You will be in good hands here."
"I have to be on bed rest for a little while. At least a week and then I will go back in for a check up and see how everything is going. I am trying to be optimistic. Being a doctor I know the risks and I know there is very good chance that this pregnancy will turn out just fine. But the irrational mother in me is petrified that something is going to happen to this baby. And I just don't know if I will be able to make it through that sort of thing. I want this baby so much…it is strange I hadn't even really thought about having children…I mean not seriously. I knew that I wanted children in the future…but…now that I am pregnant…I can't think of anything I want more than to hold this baby in my arms." said Tara. She looked at him sitting on the edge of the bed. "You know that you can just get into the bed with me…you don't have to sit on the edge like that." said Tara wondering if he just didn't want to.
Jax kissed her cheek and got up. He walked to the door and locked. "I think we both could do without unannounced visitors walking into the room." said Jax. He kicked off his shoes and took off his cut before getting under the covers with Tara. "I know that you are worried but…I don't know…I think with everything that happened last night…it just proves that you and the kid are survivors…I think both of you are going to come out of this just fine." He reached over and lightly rubbed her stomach. "So 13 weeks….when will you start to feel the baby move and kick and all of that? I missed out on most of that stuff with Wendy. She was angry with me for breaking up with her…she wouldn't take my calls or anything like that…"
Tara nodded and said "How true…" She put away the paperwork not in the mood to finish filling it out anyway. She snuggled down in the bed with Jax and cuddled with him. "I am glad that you came in here…I was wondering if I would see you or if you would keep your distance after what happened with Opie. Well, I should start feeling movement very soon…but kicking won't be for another couple of weeks. I have to say that I am excited. I want to do all of those first time mommy things...I've already had the urge to shop. This baby is going to have so much love from me...that even if he or she doesn't have a father...they are still going to be loved."
Jax gently tilted her head upward so that she was looking at him. "No one or nothing is going to keep me away from you unless you tell me that you need space. Other than that I will be right here. I love you Tara Knowles…" said Jax kissing her softly. "Hey...even if Opie isn't around and you decide you don't want to be with me...your baby will have me to look after him or her. If it is a boy I can teach him all of my bad habits...and it is a girl I can scare all of the boys away with my shotgun."
Tara laughed softly. There was just something about hearing him say he would be there that made her believe him. She wanted him to be there...she knew that if Opie wasn't around...she would need Jax. She didn't want to think about that she only wanted to think about happy thoughts and about how lucky that she was pregnant. She really wanted this baby more than anything else. That was why Opie's reaction had hurt her so deeply. The man she was in love with had no desire to love the child he had helped create. Thinking about it even now broke her heart in two.
Jax and Tara laid in the bed together just resting. Both of them were exhausted and on medication that made them tired. Tara's head was resting on Jax's chest and her eyes were closed but she wasn't sleeping. She had a million different things running through her mind. She wanted to talk about things but she didn't know if this was the time. Right now she was enjoying being close to Jax.
"You know that I love you right...?" asked Jax breaking the silence in the bedroom. He looked down at her face. His hand gently caressed her back not wanting to upset her but he also knew that saying nothing at all wasn't getting them any closer to a solution in their situation. He kissed the top of her head and said "I always have...even when I haven't always done a good job of showing that to you. As bad as things were between us when we broke up...I never stopped loving you...I never stopped needing you. And it was hard for me to step aside when you chose Opie because…when I think about the person I want to…be with when I am old and can't ride anymore…your face is the only one I see. I want to share my life with you…no matter how good or bad it might be. I want that sort of love that my mom and dad had together…"
Tara was quiet listening to Jax talk. She could hear the honesty in his voice. She could see the love he had for her in his eyes. "I love you so much Jax...and I always have. And I believe that you love me...I believe that with all of my heart...with ever breath that I breathe...and falling into your arms is so easy because I know that you love me and that you will take care of me...no matter what has gone on between us...or how long I've been away. Like the night that Kohn died...it never occurred to me to call anyone else...you were the first person to cross my mind because I feel safest with you. I know you will protect me...I know that you love me. But as wonderful as you are...and as much as I want to throw my arms around you right now and tell you how much you mean to me and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you...I can't just forget what you did...I can't just forget that...you cheated on me and broke my heart. We didn't break up because the love wasn't there...we broke up because I couldn't trust you anymore. And truth be told I still don't know that I can. I never even understood why you did...what you did. I thought everything was going well. I loved being with you and helping raise Abel. We were a great little family…and then one night you don't come home…and one night turns into two…and I find out you've been screwing a croweater you had met on one of the road trips…Kimber…."
Jax was speechless for a moment. He hadn't expected to Tara to dive into things so fully right off the bat but he knew that being honest was better than sugar coating the situation. There was a lot at stake...too much at stake to play games. Jax sat up some so that he could look into her eyes. "You are right...I screwed up when I cheated on you with Kimber. And...I was never altogether honest with myself about why until yesterday when you and Opie got into that fight. When I was with him on the car ride back into town...while I was listening to him...I heard myself in what he was saying. I cheated on you because everything was becoming too serious. You were already my old lady but you wanted to be my wife. Which...isn't a crazy demand considering how long you and I have loved one another...but at that moment...I wasn't ready for that. And so...I did what I always do when things get too hot for me…I looked for a way to run away…and Kimber was that way out. She meant nothing. She was just a means to an end. I know how much I hurt you with what I did…if I could take it all back Tara…I would do it in a minute. I know that…I am sorry won't fix things between us…but I am willing to work with you to make things right. I love you and I want to be with you…I want us to have a life together."
Tara said "So...you cheated on me because I wanted to do more than just play house with you? How long was that supposed to last Jax? I love you and Abel…but I don't want to be one of those women that waits around half of her life waiting for the man she loves to smarten himself up and propose. I also don't want to have to force you into anything. I was always up front with you about what I wanted…I wanted forever Jax…and I thought you could give that to me…I thought that you wanted to give that to me…but instead of being man enough to say that you needed time…you blew up our relationship and did the one thing I always told you was a deal breaker…cheating on me…was a deal breaker…because I knew that it would kill me inside and I didn't know if I would ever be able to look at you the same way again. I trusted you with my heart…you told me to…trust you…trust in the love you have for me and you would never hurt me…well you hurt me Jax…you cut me to the core. After it happened I didn't know if I would ever get over it…if I would ever heal. I felt like I hadn't just lost the man I loved…but the future life I had always wanted. And it makes me so mad at you because I still love you. I still want to be with you. You are still the man that I look for when I am in trouble…when I need to be comforted…I look for you. But God help me…I love Opie too. I trust him and I love him and even though his reaction hurt me…but he didn't cheat on me….I still love him…Opie has always…understood me…understood my pain. Even when you and I were dating when we were younger Opie could always see my pain…and tried to help both of us. Opie saw through my lies concerning my dad…he knew what hell I was living in at my house. All I have ever wanted was a real family that was based on love…and not pain."
Jax felt like a bastard listening to Tara talking about how badly he had hurt her with his actions. He felt even worse when she talked about Opie not cheating on her. She had no idea just how similar Jax and Opie really were on this particular subject. But he wasn't about to hurt Tara by telling her the truth. That would be up to Opie to man up and tell her what he had done. Jax searched for the right words, but not just the right words but the truthful ones from his heart. He decided to put everything on the line to let the woman he loved see into him. No more walls…just the truth. "I know nothing I say will be able to take away the pain that I caused you. I was careless…I threw away our relationship without even really thinking about what that meant. I let my fear of commitment cloud my better judgment. I messed things up with Wendy…I messed up Wendy…our marriage drove her to drugs…I don't know what it was about me but I wasn't a very good husband Tara. I did a lot of things to hurt her some things that I probably will never really know or understand the depth. And when you started bringing up marriage…it made me think back to Wendy. It made me think about the broken shell of a person she became because she was Mrs. Jackson Teller. And that scared me…because I have never loved another woman the way I love you. And the very last thing I ever wanted to do was to cause you the kind of pain and unhappiness I caused Wendy. I destroyed Wendy's life and she still hasn't recovered from that. And having Donna die the way that she did…the way she was killed it made me really look at the danger I was asking you to be a part of. I am used to taking risks with my life. I know that I might die and I have always been okay with that. I understood that was all part of being part of the club. But the idea that you could die...because of my dealings with the club…that was more than I could bear. And instead of talking to you and telling you what was on my mind…I took the coward's way out…I love you Tara and if you give me another chance I will be the man you need me to be…not just for you but also for the baby. I can give you the family you've always wanted…me, you, Abel, the baby, maybe two or three of our own. I will do everything in my power to never cause you anymore pain. You have my word. From the time I was a kid…all I ever wanted was a cut and a Harley…well after I met you…all I wanted was you, a cut, and my Harley… Jax kissed her softly and then looked into her eyes.
Hearing Jax open up to her about his fears and his feelings for her melted Tara's resolve. She looked at him and knew that she was in more trouble than she could have ever imagined. It was one thing to love him but she had always believed that she would never be able to forgive him for his infidelity. And without that forgiveness Tara knew she could never be in a relationship with him again because she wouldn't be able to trust him. But in that moment of honesty and clarity Tara had saw his soul and his sincerity and she knew in her heart that given time and effort that she could forgive Jax for cheating on her. And that presented a very serious problem for Tara. Jax and Opie were now on an equal playing field and that scared her. Her brain told her to choose one man and her heart told her to choose another. Tara threw caution to the wind and kissed him passionately. After the kiss Tara pulled back sheepishly. "I am sorry…I just…wanted to kiss you. All you want is me….a cut…and a Harley?" She hugged him gently trying not to hurt her ribs or his broken arm. She sat there with him for awhile. She felt exhausted physically as well as emotionally.
"You never have to apologize for laying one on me baby." said Jax with a smirk. He tucked some hair behind her ear and looked into her eyes. "Yes, that is all I want...a family with you Tara…I know you have a lot to think about and I am not trying to complicate that…I just want you to know how I feel about you. You look tired baby….maybe we should take a nap…" offered Jax looking at her. "I am tired too." said Jax looking at her. Jax looked into the face of the woman that he was madly in love with. He didn't know how things would work out but he hoped that he would be the man she picked. He knew that if she chose him he would make things right. He would make this woman his wife.
Tara smiled gently. "I do feel pretty tired…a nap sounds very good right now. I can't believe how tired I am…" She kissed him again. She slid down in the bed some trying to get comfortable. She rested her head on his chest. It just seemed like the natural place for her to rest. Something about hearing Jax's heart beat in his chest always brought her comfort. It was like knowing as long as that heart beat in his chest he would always be there to take care of her...to love her and that was all she really needed. Tara's hand rested on her stomach as she started to drift off to sleep.
Jax laid down with her with his arm around her body his hand moved to her hand and their fingers interlaced resting atop her stomach. He closed his eyes tiredly laying with her. He didn't know how to read her. He had no idea where they stood right now. He kissed her head and said "Get some rest Tara…you and the little one need it." Jax tried to stay awake but he realized Tara wasn't the only one that was exhausted. He drifted off to sleep after he heard Tara's breathing even out.