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Chapter 26
"Hey, mom."
When Julian's mom called, he was still sitting in the pitch black closet with Logan.
"Hello, Julian. Is this a good time?"
"Sure." Julian wanted to say no, it wasn't a good time, but he knew that she'd want to know why and he couldn't tell her. Well, maybe he could, and she'd probably just shake her head and assume he was high or something. But sitting in a closet with Logan for two hours seemed like too precious a thing and he couldn't break it by taking it out into the real world.
Julian felt Logan's hand on his leg as his mom started to make small talk. This was how it had been the whole time, the whole two hours that they'd sat here talking and catching up because they were friends now and that's what friends do. But there were touches, too, small and hesitant, testing their friendship. As if to prove that they really were just friends because they could touch each other and it wouldn't mean anything. So occasionally Julian's hand would land on Logan's and they wouldn't let go for awhile. Or maybe Logan's leg would bump into Julian's and stay there.
It wasn't true, by the way. The idea that they could touch each other and it wouldn't mean anything.
"So what's your next movie deal?" Dolce was asking.
"Not entirely sure. It's either that one with Orlando Bloom in it or it's that independent one I was telling you about." Julian's skin was burning where Logan's hand was on it but he'd never tell anyone that.
"So Julian, I had a visit from two of your friends earlier today…"
"Yeah, that was Clark and Derek, I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"Don't interrupt me."
"Sorry."
"And they said a few disturbing things for a mother to hear, so I needed to make sure you were alright."
Julian sighed and reached out to put his hand on Logan's hand on Julian's leg. "I'm fine. They're thinking into things too much."
"Julian… You're a good actor, but you can't hide things from your own mother."
"I said I'm fine, mom." Julian rolled his eyes at Logan, but of course Logan couldn't see.
"They seemed to think it would be good for me to talk to you about…"
Julian squeezed his eyes shut, waiting.
"Divorce."
"I don't know why," Julian said. "I love Loe."
Logan slipped his hand out from under Julian's and away from Julian's leg.
Julian slumped against the wall, shoulders hunched in defeat.
"You sound like your father sounded," Dolce said sadly, "when he told me he loved me right before we split."
Julian pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "I'm not Dad, Mom. I'm capable of holding up a marriage and a family, okay?"
She wasn't convinced. Maybe she never had been. "Will you come visit me sometime soon?"
"I don't see why I need to-"
"You're my son, Julian. I just want to catch up with you. We don't have to talk about divorce or anything."
"Fine. Tomorrow, I guess." Julian reached out in the darkness because he needed Logan's forgiveness. "Can I bring a friend with me?"
"That would be fine," Dolce said. "I have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow around lunchtime, we'll go out, alright?"
"Fine."
"I love you."
"Love you too." Julian hung up.
"That was interesting," Logan said, just as Julian's hand bumped into his shin. "We should leave."
"Where should we go?" Julian felt stupid now, because Logan didn't seem to want to be touching Julian at this point. Maybe it was for the best… They were both technically married… But they weren't doing anything. It was all friendly and innocent. Even if it didn't necessarily feel that way.
But Julian had to say it! He had to tell his mom that he loved his wife, it wasn't an option!
"Why did you lie to your mom?" Logan asked, not answering Julian's question and not making any move to get up.
"I didn't."
"Of course you did, do I look like an idiot?"
"Well I can't see you right now."
"Shut up and answer the question."
Julian didn't answer the question. "Would you like to meet my mom tomorrow around lunchtime?"
"I have nothing better to do," Logan said, sounding like he really didn't want to meet Julian's mom.
.
"What were you guys doing up there?" Clark asked, hitting pause on the TV remote. "We just watched like 5 episodes of Friends."
"Do you believe he's never seen Friends before?" Derek asked incredulously.
"You've never seen-" Julian looked at Clark in bewilderment. "How have you spent this much time in Hollywood without ever seeing Friends?"
"That's a crime," Logan added, tossing his empty McDonald's bag to Derek. "Throw this out, would you?"
"Did it take you all that time to eat your lunch? Because it's almost dinnertime now."
"We finished forever ago," Julian replied calmly, throwing his own bag at Derek. "Now you have to throw it away. Thanks for getting it for us."
Derek rolled his eyes and stood up. "This isn't over," he said to Clark, before walking out of the room to throw out Julian and Logan's trash.
"Did your mom call?" Clark asked, looking up at Julian.
Julian flopped down in the place Derek had just vacated on the couch, and Logan flopped down next to him. They were very, very close. Their legs were touching all the way from their hips to their ankles.
"Yeah." Julian sighed. "Thanks a lot for that. Now we're having lunch tomorrow." He rolled his eyes.
"That's good," Clark said, not at all sorry. "Maybe she can convince you that-"
"We aren't even going to talk about divorce, it's actually a taboo subject, we agreed." Julian looked at him smugly, folding his arms across his chest and trying not to notice when Logan shifted his leg slightly.
"Julian," Clark whined, "you are such an idiot sometimes! If Logan can get a divorce you can too!"
"That's different," Julian said quietly.
"How?" Logan demanded, his leg bouncing against Julian's in annoyance. It seemed that they couldn't spend more than five minutes without physical contact now.
Great, that was just great.
"You don't have kids," Julian said sadly, looking at the place where their legs were touching and loving and hating that place.
Clark bit his lip. "That's what I thought you'd be able to talk to your mom about. About divorcing even though she had you."
"Well, clearly," Julian said, feeling like Logan with his blood beginning to pump quickly and a rushing sound in his ears, "she did get a divorce and I don't think it's up to her how it'll affect Tab and Jack! That's up to them and I happen to know exactly how they'll feel and I don't want them to feel that way, okay? I'm sorry. But I don't." He rolled his eyes. "Call me crazy, but I want my kids to grow up in a loving and happy and normal environment with one nice family and two parents who sleep under the same roof every night. Because I never got that. Clearly none of you understand, so just stop."
Julian wasn't looking at anyone, he was looking at his hands in his lap, but he saw Logan's hand touch his arm gently. He didn't feel it until after he saw it.
"I actually do, Jules. I never asked you to get a divorce. Maybe you forgot…but my parents are divorced too." Logan's voice was soft but raw, like an open wound.
A wave of guilt slammed into Julian's heart. He turned to Logan while Clark pretended not to be there. "I…I'm sorry, Lo. I didn't even mean it like that."
Logan gave him a half-smile. "It's okay, Jules."
Julian wanted to hit himself repeatedly in the head with a Louiseville Slugger. "No it's not. Aw, Lo, I feel…" He put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
And then Logan did something very surprising.
He wrapped an arm around Julian and pulled him upward, and then hugged him. Julian turned and hugged back and their faces were pressed up against each other and it felt so good and Julian whispered in Logan's ear, "I'm sorry."
Then Logan whispered something back, but Julian didn't think he heard it right.
"What?" he asked, a little too loud.
"I love you," Logan repeated.
