Two of the Same Kind
Chapter 25
"You know, they're going to wonder what happened to us." The baka Pharaoh said at his place across the table from me. We sat down in the cafeteria area of the mall at a small café looking table. Hey, would ya look at that...a 'café' table...in a 'café'teria! Isn't that just spiffy! (Yes, I'm just finding reasons to use the letter with that neat little accent mark on it. I'm easily amused. Bite me.)
"Yeah, but you were the one who dragged me off." I replied with a snort, sucking down my large ice coffee.
"Ah, fine, have your way." He rolled his eyes and threw and ice cube at me, of which I ducked under.
"Your aim lacks, baka Pharaoh," I snickered at him. "So, what's going on with you and Marik?" I finally asked what was going through my mind for a while.
"Eh? Ah, I knew eventually you would ask." He sighed. "It was a dare actually."
"A dare?! But you were acting all funny in the limo!"
"That was a total inside joke."
"You're bullshitting me!"
"Prove it."
"...You heinous biznitch. I'll figure out what you're up to!"
"'Biznitch?'"
"Don't make me Spork you."
"You make less and less sense the longer I know you. I can only imagine what eternity is going to warp you into. One day I picture you frothing at the mouth and going paroxysms of gibberish that even I won't be able to make out."
"Your vocabulary is growing more extensive, Pharaoh."
"Don't make me use the really petrifying words."
I smiled. Stupid things like this were always mood lighteners. He was one of the few good people at doing that. When I was around Marik I usually felt like smashing something. Of course that was fun too, but still. Or better, when I was with Ryou I felt like grabbing something fuzzy and hugging it. I need a puppy. No, I want a puppy. A cute fuzzy creature, preferably brown, that will love me when I'm upset and bite the shit out of me when I'm feeling particularly out of it. I want him to be small too. I like small puppies. You'd think I would be a cat person. Naw, cats are too self-centered. They remind me of me and I don't like that. Dogs are loyal and stupid. Kinda like Jounouchi. Oh...that was mean, I take that back. I like Jou. Maybe I should get a dog and name it Yami. He would be flattered...Then again if a car hit the puppy, I would be moping around crying: "YAAAMI NOOO," and that just wouldn't do. I know! I'll name it Seto! Then Jounouchi would have something to use against him! That's what I'll do.
"Bakura!" Pharaoh's voice broke through my thoughts and I suddenly remembered where I was.
"It's a brown puppy!" I snapped without thinking.
"...Please don't make me ask."
"Okay," I coughed stupidly. I folded my legs under me in the chair and leaned my head on the table. "So Pharaoh, what are we going to do when they go back?"
"Depends. For you, probably mope and whine because your past self was actually cool; for me, I'll probably buy a cake to celebrate my past self being gone."
"You don't eat cake. And you're allergic to icing."
"You shouldn't know that."
"Oh? What's my biggest fear?"
"Having a bat nest in your hair, why?" He paused to consider that chance that maybe we know a lot more about each other than we generally take time to notice. "...Ohhh...I see what you're getting at."
"You really hate your past self?" I looked up at him and he gave a melancholy smile.
"He makes me realize a thing or two that I may have not really believed before. I was a prick back then, wasn't I?"
"A bit."
"Then again, you weren't as charming then as you are now."
"Are you hitting on me?" I snorted.
"Just making a generalized statement. You've calmed down a lot."
"Don't make me call upon my super powers. Which basically consist of me calling my deck of cards to get my ass stomped by you, once again."
"You never had a chance of beating me, Bakura, and you know it." He smirked in a very haughty manner.
"You just wait Yami. I'll defeat you yet. Once I figure out your hair's weakness, I promise, you'll never know what hit you."
"It has not weakness!" He gloated with a smirk.
I snorted, he was probably telling the truth. I once reached over to steal a card from him and his front locks bit my hand. I swear on my life I SAW his hair move. I chuckled to myself. I felt a little better. My life still seemed abysmal but at least I wasn't the only morbidly borderline emo around. God...I'm borderline emo. This is horrible. I'm gonna go kill myself because I can't allow this to happen. Wait a minute...wouldn't I be even more emo by doing so...? Son of a bitch I never win!
"Damn it I'm not emo!" I whined aloud. I seemed to have lost my ability of internal dialogue.
"...I'm just gonna pretend I never heard anything, so that I don't have to ask what the hell you were just talking about."
"Probably in your best interest." I responded. "Hey, baka, you...erm...th...meh..."
"You're welcome, dickhead."
I glanced off, knowing for once he'd beaten me. Well, okay maybe not for once, but for yet another time. But this time was different. This time it involved me almost saying 'thank you'. ALMOST! That's closer than the last time where I 'almost CONSIDERED' saying it. This is horrible. Utterly terrifying.
"You know thief, you're really not such a bad guy."
"And you're not such a good guy yourself."
He shook his head with a snort. Heh, he snorted. He's picking up my habits. "I'd better get you back before Kaiba thinks I've kidnapped you."
"Isn't that something I would do, kidnapping that is?" I asked watching him stand up. He grabbed my arm and pulled me from the seat.
"Come on, I'm not having a stubborn CEO crawl up my ass because you're out to get me." He explained. True, Seto did have a habit to make certain that I was well taken care of, but even still, that baka pharaoh could barely harm me when I was his enemy! Wait...does that mean we're frie...NO!
"Hey wait! Ice Coffeeeeeee..." I whined reaching for my coffee like it was my lifeline. (Well, if you must know, it was my lifeline. And if you don't like it then you can just EAT me.) He calmly walked me back and allowed me to grab my delicious iced Coffee before he continued to drag me toward the small restaurant where the others would be. We walked in and looked around. We didn't see them off hand, which really wasn't that much of a surprise considering it was a party of about 20. Okay, slight exaggeration, but not that far off if you add about twelve.
"Excuse me, ma'am, we're looking for our party, they came in before us." Yam-bleh-Pharaoh asked to the nearest hostess.
"Ah, yours is the large group, yes?"
"How'd you know?" I asked slithering up next to Baka Pharaoh while sipping my coffee.
"The gentleman said to look out for a suspicious albino and a man with hair that resembles fire crackers."
"Damn you Kaiba." Pharaoh muttered. "He thinks that's funny."
"Oh shush, you think it's funny too, and you know it." I whispered in his ear.
"Well...yes...but...shut up, you suspicious albino!" He turned his attention back on the kind and patient hostess, "Could you please tell us where they're at? I don't want to bother you further."
"They're in the back, dear. On the left side of the server's door."
"Thank you!" I waved, deciding I would be the one to drag that obnoxious man with firecracker hair. I looped my arm in his and casually sipped my Coffee.
"You're making a scene."
"On purpose of course!" I smiled in such a manner that resembled barely innocent. I have a hard time with innocent smiles. I have sharp teeth and evil looking hair. What the fuck do you want from me? Hey, don't sass me, I could have Marik's hair and be damned eternally from wearing hats. "Hey guys!" I smiled brightly despite having just had a minor-slight breakdown.
"You seem better now." Marik commented, "Did swapping fashion tips make you ladies feel closer?"
Pharaoh huffed, "Jealousy, is like, an ugly thing, bitch-head."
I died. I just up and died of laughter at the very concept of the Pharaoh even SPEAKING in that voice let alone the words. I grabbed Seto's shoulder for support and added in a few 'ow's to reaffirm that my wound still hurt. The hand wave he added only made me laugh harder and I was fighting for air, much like Marik who was howling at the concept himself. Hell even Akefia snorted in amusement. And I remember what a stick up the ass I was. Maybe that's why I'm preferably homo. I had a stick up there for so long I started to like it...That's just wrong Bakura, why would you even think things like that? Fuck you conscience. Wait, I don't have a conscience...Hey...the word 'science' is in conscience...oh and 'con' too. So it's like the Science of Con. Like con as in 'swindle'? Wait...what the fuck? That makes no sense!
"Bakura you're talking to your conscience again." Seto announced once it was realized my laughter had died to profuse chuckling.
"...Oh, sorry!" I smiled. Pharaoh had slid in next to Mark and I decided to be the pain in the ass and literally hop the large 'u' shaped booth and squeeze myself next to my past self. "Hey sexy, what's cooking?"
"You, I believe, and if you don't stop looking so good I may just have to eat you!"
"Oh how you flatter me so, you're so much better looking than I!"
"No, not at all! You're truly the visual work of art!"
"I have nothing on you of course!"
"It shows how little you know!"
"Somebody please stop the egotism." Marik interrupted by smacking his forehead loudly against the table. "We know you're both painfully hot and perfection in human-ish form, but come on, do you have to be both painfully hot and perfection in human-ish form out loud and at the same time?"
"Don't make Yami repeat the 'jealousy' line." I smirked pointing to the Pharaoh and trying to refrain from laughing myself straight into a coma.
"Bitch-head." He snorted and I laughed outright.
"So, what was the holdup, guys?" Jou asked munching on a cheese stick. I ogled the cheese stick and I grabbed half of it from him. He pouted and chewed his half of our shared cheese stick. I love cheese sticks. One of the modern world's greatest inventions next to sliced bread and the Internet. God, I fucking love the Internet. It's almost as awesome as coffee. Coffee is like liquid God.
"Nothing much, he was just itching to hog all my attention, that and I think he wanted the password to my online accounts and was secretly trying to wheedle the possible answers out of me."
"If I want to look at porn, Bakura, I'll get my own username thank you." Pharaoh smirked.
"Oh sick burn, Pharaoh." Marik snorted.
"Hey, hey, hey, I do not look at porn online! I have satellite for that. So, what's on the lunch menu? You know I can't live off cheese sticks!"
"That is the most blatant lie I believe I've ever heard you say, Bakura." Seto folded is arms and arched an eyebrow at me.
"Don't you raise your eyebrow at me, Kaiba!" I can't pull off sounding stern very well, so as a result it came out like a muffled snort. "Okay fine, I could live off cheese sticks...but I don't want to! I want more food!"
"You're so needy." Seto rolled his eyes at me, but at the same time hailed a waitress. Sometimes I really missed Seto. I almost regret giving him to Jounouchi, but in the long run, it would be stupid to do. I would easily outlive Seto. Why not just give the hot millionaire to someone who loves him enough to probably swallow a gallon of bug killer. Granted I would do that too...But I can't die. Jou can.
"Well since you were taking your sweet ass time with the Pharaoh—and don't even tell me what you were doing I don't want to know—I ordered for you." Marik smirked, like he'd accomplished something.
"If it's Puffer fish I'm not eating it." I said, only to be echoed by the Pharaoh. I looked over at him with an expression that probably mirrored the 'what the fuck' look on his face.
"Okay, seriously guys, you've got to stop that reading each other's minds thing. It's freaking me out." Marik coughed and eyed both of us curiously.
"You and me both," Akefia said in perfect Japanese. Pharaoh and I looked over at Akefia, startled. He had spoken Japanese. He didn't know Japanese. What the fuck?! Akefia had a haughty smug on his face. I guess he finally got to be the center of attention for a moment, but damn that was a reason for sure. Took me by surprise.
"How the hell?"
"I had help." He said in Japanese but a bit choppier this time. He pointed to Isis on his left. I leaned in front of Akefia and eyed the Egyptian woman. She looked down at me with her head still high and a righteous grin so delicately visible on her lips. If I weren't gay and she weren't either, then I would so chase after her. Then again I don't know how much I could stand to hear about the Pharaoh and his damn prophecies. It's bad enough I see him every Tuesday to get my ass handed to me on a brass TV dinner stand in whatever game chosen for the week. Yugi's nice though; he makes sandwiches. Yes, shut up, I hang out with the Pharaoh and his twerp, it's Ryou's fault! (That and I like Yugi's sandwiches…) Hey, at least I don't sleep over at the Game Shop…Oh wait, shit that's a lie. Fine you know what I don't care! I will win one day! In fact, I'm gonna steal Pharaoh's Dark magician plush next time I'm over there. (Mainly because I want it…)
Damn me, and my lacking train of thought. My god my attention span is practically not existent these days. That's what comes of age. You lose your freaking mind! I snapped out of my short reverie and blinked at Isis. "You're corrupting me, are you?"
"That depends upon the terms of corrupting you, Bakura." She said smoothly.
"Oh you crafty woman! So you've taught him a little Japanese?"
"A little, I figured if he's anything like you, then he would learn very quickly! After all, he's younger, so his mentality is sharper than yours, which must account for something."
I clutched my chest in a fake motion of hurt, "I'm wounded by your evaluation of my mentality, my lady! I get an A for effort though, yes?"
"I give you an F, for Full of Shit." Marik chimed in just about the time our waitress came to the table.
"I see you've found your missing party members!" She said cheerfully, "Our bus boy is on his way out, so if there's anything else I can get you before your food arrives please let me know!"
"Hey, there sweetness can I get a coffee with some ice in it? And Firecracker head over there," I pointed to the Pharaoh, "wants some good ol' lemonade if you've got it!" I smiled my good smile and she blushed, nodded and went on her way.
"Ooooh, I'd throw my fork at you if you hadn't gotten my drink right!" Pharaoh scowled.
"I know you, dipshit."
"You know the week's almost over, right?"
"Yeah, we have to go back to hating each other with full strength on Monday." I snorted. Such a weird system we have.
Our food man arrive and I wanted to kiss him I was so hungry! (And he was pretty good looking, but we're not counting that.) The man put my plate before me and I squealed. Behold a true treat that I usually never get unless I'm a good boy for a long time. A nice big, barely cooked steak! Oh freaking yes. Sure hikari makes me steak, but he always insists it be thoroughly cooked. The bus boy left having serves all of us. I bounced for a moment then crawled across Jou's lap, then Seto's, grabbed Marik and kissed him, tongue and all. I could hear Seto scowling, since I was—after all—parked in his lap in order to do this action. I quietly retreated back to my position.
"Damn it all, man. If buying you a steak is all I have to do to get tongue out of you then you should have told me a long time ago!"
"Buy him a Mocha Latte and he'll probably throw down with you in the middle of the store." Pharaoh suggested in Marik's ear and I shrieked at him.
"You traitor!"
"I learned from the best." He grinned evilly at me.
"You've not won this round yet," I declared pointing my fork at him. "It's two of me against one of you!"
"Cheater."
"I am the best! How about that!"
"Fine, you get the point for that one, you whiny little bitch." Pharaoh muttered.
"You two are strange," Akefia commented. We had been talking Japanese, so I bet it was awkward for him to listen. I'm sure he picked up a few words, but Pharaoh and I are hyper talkers, usually and sometimes everyone else can't understand us when we get talking too fast. Marik usually gives up after about five minutes, so Akefia was probably floating in words that mean about as much to him as Swahili means to me. Absolutely nothing! What? You think I know Swahili? I'm THE definition of white! Do you think I know any African language! Come on! ….Wait…I'm from Africa…Son of a bitch I can't win!
"You have no idea, Akefia darling." I smiled, cutting my steak, "There are some things I could tell you right now that would have you in tears in laughter, not to mention ruin your opinion of the Pharaoh no matter what direction you look at."
"Hey, hey, hey, don't even start on me! There's more shit on you than any one else! After all you're the one who thought you could dry off a hamster in the microwave!"
"…Well…technically, you can."
"Violently, if nothing else." Seto sipped his drink and nodded. He couldn't deny it. After all, it was his microwave I did it in.
"Ah Akefia, just ignore him, besides, just wait until I get a chance to share my stories with you. Then we'll see who's the more damaged opinion."
"Oh quit hitting on me Pharaoh!"
"Technically I am hitting on 'you', aren't I?"
"I always knew you had a strange affliction Pharaoh, but keep to the less tanned prey!" I said pointing at Akefia and his darker skin.
"So, you'd rather I start with you directly?" He raised an eyebrow and looked up at me while he blew on his soup to cool it down.
I felt a momentary flush of blood in my face. Damn it. He got me there. Legitimately too. The bastard. I looked at Marik, who couldn't restrain his snickering, "oh you shut up!"
"Hey, don't sass me! You didn't tell him no!"
Damn it. He's right. I didn't! "Oh just eat your damn food!" I said threatening him with a fork.
"Speaking of, good choice in entrées Marik, it's good." Pharaoh said to Marik but continued to visually tease me with eye language. Damn bastard figured out my eye language code! I'll have to change it now!…Or may I'll leave it. It might be fun to swear at him without my hikari having conniption fits because of my 'colorful language'.
"Tch, I could pick out something you would eat, blind folded."
"We have got to get lives…" I snorted. Oh the fucking irony! We used to all seriously hate each other to the point of trying to murder each other, now we just mildly loathe and despise and can probably fill out character profiles on each other. We're still in denial. I hate them both and want them to die. Violently. I'm so full of shit it scares me. Are you happy now?
"Hey damn it, pay attention to me," Akefia nudged me.
"I've been ignoring you haven't I?"
"Yes, you bastard."
"Oh yeah! Your mom!"
"…I won't even point out the flaw in that joke," he chewed on his steak, which was identical to my own. Apparently he'd picked up eating utensil etiquette pretty quickly.
"So, how do you like our world, Akefia?"
"It would be much better if I weren't thrust into it like this. But I guess I get used to it, neh?" He nudged me.
"Yeah. Unfortunately we get to act like a maniacal loser who makes many, many threats only to get them shoved back into our faces. It's divine justice of something I'm sure. Either that or God really does hate us. Well, the Gods…Not just God. We didn't have crazy things like Christianity back then…"
"Just like we don't have women who are allowed to talk smack to men, back in our time."
"'Talk smack?' Damn, you pickup on lingo pretty quickly too. Why is it I have the memory span of a fish and you are like master of sharp memory over there?"
"Probably because you spent a couple thousand years entertaining yourself with an invisible rubix cube, in the shadow realm." Seto said with nonchalance.
"I invented the Rubixs Cube I tell you! It was me! And I was the first one to beat it! And I didn't pull of the stickers! Because mine didn't HAVE stickers!"
"That's the sign of a poor man, Mister Bakura," Isis said toasting me with her class of coke. Probably Diet Coke. Pansy woman.
"Oh you're just jealous!" I retorted. I was a little grateful for Isis and Mai being there, because I didn't feel so bad about Jou not understanding us, since Mai didn't understand either. The two were quietly talking back and forth across the U shaped booth, while the rest of us cut up like retards.
I sighed to myself. When I was about to be a stubborn and irrefutable ass, I had to remember things like this. Because no matter how much of an asshole I am regularly, I'm still human and there were things that I enjoyed and—as pansy as this is about to sound—cherish.
Now I have to go smack myself nine times and wash my mouth out with bleach. I just got all sappy on you. I should be shot. Looks like I'll have to send someone to the shadow realm to make myself feel better. Yeah, that's what I'll do. When I'm done with the steak…
To be Continued…
Leo: I know it's been a LONG ass time and you probably thought: 'hey, what the hell. Where's the next chapter? Why's it taking months and months and MONTHS. LEO YOU ASSHOLE. UPDATE YOU WHORE.' I know it's what you were thinking! Well I've finally gotten around to working on it, and at least you've got a longer chapter this time (four pages longer! WHOOOT!) The story will pick up after this chapter. I promise. I already decided on the ending and I think it's the most appropriate one that can be done! I will not tell you, so don't bother to ask XD! You see when we get there!
On a totally unrelated note: If you're interesting in role playing Original characters or Anime/Manga ones, I've got a new forum going and I'm looking for Yuugioh role players so I can start a Yuugioh RP! (Maybe get myself back into the YGO phase enough to really get cracking on this fic.) The link is ocrp(DOT)co(DOT)nr , so if you're interested just check it out! We're still a rather small forum, but feel free to join and start up a new RP! D