C'mon, Harry, tell them!
I don't want to upset them, Tom.
You've written to them before, right?
Yes.
Then how is this different?
Those were supportive.
So, you want to let them keep writing those characters?
Well, no.
So tell them not to, for Kahless's sake!
B'Elanna been researching Klingon culture?
…Yes. But don't change the subject.
Fine, fine!
Dear Fanfiction Writers:
Here are some examples of women I've fallen for:
Seven of Nine, former Borg drone.
A hologram.
The Delaney sister that didn't have a crush on me.
An old academy friend who died and came back to Voyager as a strange bald alien, then decided to return to her new alien family.
A racing pilot that was trying to sabotage the race.
And of course, my fiancé, Libby. Our relationship might have worked, but Voyager got stranded in the Delta Quadrant.
So, while I'm flattered that you love me, you don't want to be someone I fall for. So, quit writing those stories where a version of you comes aboard Voyager and we fall in love. It won't happen, and you don't want it to.
Sincerely, Ensign Harry Kim
A/N Suggested by Jedi Master Misty Sman-Esay. Ah, good old Sue-bashing.
In other news, I only have a few more letters written. If you have ideas please let me know!