Barole A to Z

by Linneagb

Series of one- shots from A to Z- first chapter has a title beginning with A, next with B, next with C and so on until I reach Z. Every one- shot is Burt/Carole in one way or another. If I know myself right, more than one are going to be sickfics. Z is for Zigzag.

26. Zigzag

Gleekforever12345: I'm so happy you liked the ones you read. But yes, I'm a bit sad that it's ending too. Although I've got a bunch of other stories that I'll still be working on so I'll always have to do something you for sticking with this story all the way until the end and for your continued support.

Faith at age 5- 12 is portrayed by Caitlin Carmichael, Faith at age 15- 22 is portrayed by Shailene Woodley. Sammy is portrayed by Aaron Taylor- Johnson Jane is portrayed by Esther Hall and Alexey is portrayed by Eddie Redmayne. Celia is portrayed by Abigail Breslin and if you can imagine August Maturo as a bit older that's what Kendrick looks like at nine.

This chapter is split into scenarios like chapter U and chapter Y. The first two are told from Carole's pov, then there's two from Kurt's, two from Burt's and two from Faith's, and then there's a letter as a last scenario that I won't write here who's pov it is from. You'll just have to find out yourself

I'm warning you though, this chapter is my longest ever and as good as ten thousand words longer than my second longest. So it's very, very, very long. I hope you like it, I know I do.

Z is for Zigzag

After the drama with the day that Faith was born and everything that happened, I had barely been out of the hospital ever since despite all the time that had passed. Faith was born on August the thirty first, today was just about two months later at November the third and it felt like forever must have passed during the two months we had spent in this hospital.

After we had gone in with that ambulance with me crying my heart out a hundred percent sure I had lost another baby the very last few hours of August had passed, also September, October, and the very beginning of November. The air had gone colder and colder. The sunny late summer had turned into a rainy autumn and the green leaves on the trees had turned into yellow, which had turned into orange, which had turned into brown to then fall down onto the ground. All of that, it had to be longer than two months and three days.

And at the same time, my baby. Our baby- our Faith had grown from a preemie so small I had barely dared to look at her. Into a strong infant on just about three and a half kilos- like other babies would usually weigh as new born's. And with strong lungs and a strong heart. There would take a lot for it to break her down I could tell.

But still I couldn't help but worry. Now when I sat here with Faith in the car seat and the outside overall in my hands. After all my looking forward to going home and being so happy we would finally leave the hospital with her, my heart was beating so hard I felt it in my ears and my throat and I was so nervous I couldn't even breathe.

"Knock, knock." I flinched when I heard a voice behind me. Even though I easily recognized it as my colleague's and also best friend Jane Hansen's although I never turned before she had come into the room and around the bed so I turned my head and made sure I was still keeping an eye on Faith while I stood up for her not to see my tears.

"Hey." I heard in the distressed tone in her voice that she knew anyway and it only took her two or three steps to be by my side and lay an arm around my shoulders. "Hey, it's okay." She felt through her pockets and pulled out a pack of tissues and pulled out one and handed it to me. "Here you go." I glanced to Faith for a moment, she was still happily yodeling in baby language like while throwing back and forth with her arms and legs as to learn how to do to move them and then I lowered my head and wiped the tears. "Are you alright?" I raised my head again and nodded, even though I knew Jane would be able to see right through it. "It's okay to be scared you know. I'd be pretty frightened too if it was me, so don't you feel or believe like you're the only one." I cleared my throat, but still couldn't say anything since I felt that my voice would break if I tried.

"Where's Burt?"

"He's just at home fixing some things that need to be done before we can bring Faith home." I turned to my side and carefully lifted Faith up from her car seat and started rocking her when she started whimpering. And brainstormed for something else to talk about. "Hey, Jane. I don't think you ever told me. Do you have any children?" It was weird that we had never been speaking about that since she knew just about everything about Finn and Faith, and she now smiled and thought for a second before she answered.

"If you want and can, and want to kill off some time. We could just go downstairs and you can meet him." I checked my watch and realized it would be another while before Burt would come so I nodded and continued rocking Faith with one arm while using the other arm and hand to reach for a baby carrier so I could carry her safely. "Here, let me help you. Come here baby." Jane took Faith from my hand before I had the chance to protest. "Oh yes, oh who is this? It's Aunty Jane yay." She spoke like you would with a baby and continued speaking and playing with Faith until I had the carrier put right to carry my baby. "Okay, let's go back to mummy." I took Faith and put her into the carrier, quickly fixing with the straps and then walked after Jane out of the room and down the hallway to the elevator.

Faith was happily talking in baby language again and looked around without seeming to take much notice. Although when we stood in the elevator and started moving downwards she suddenly looked chocked and seemed fascinated by the movement. "You know…" Jane was speaking to me while playing with Faith. "I know you are afraid, but you're not alone. You do have Burt, and Kurt if I have understood that right. And me, and Alexey… What?" I moaned hearing the name of the receptionist- he had come up to the NICU at least a few times a day. And even though he was sweet, he could be kind of annoying. That's what I explainedto Jane. "I understand. I'll talk to him. Is that a bargain of Kurt's by the way?" Jane pointed to Faith's pants. Over- all pants, white and turquoise in a zigzag- pattern that looked so… crazy they really couldn't have been from anybody else than Kurt and I nodded just as the elevator stopped and the doors opened and Jane showed me through the hallway to where we could see the reception.

"There." Jane pointed. "That's my son" I looked in the direction Jane pointed and over the people there. One old couple with a little girl. A homeless alcoholic of our age and then…

"Alexey?" I stated when I realized and looked to her. "Alexey is your son?" Jane nodded. "But... But... Your name is Hansen and his is Nicholson. And... And... Alexey is your son? How come I don't know this until now?" I silent, surprised and kind of confused and then silent to give Jane time to explain exactly why she hadn't told me.

"Do you remember that Alexey started here at about the same time as I came back after being in Europe for a year?" Jane began with asking and I nodded and so she told me. She and Alexey had gone to Denmark to find the man that was Alexey's father, and husband until then to Jane even though they hadn't seen him since he had made sure Alexey had his last name- Hansen, and now to sign papers for divorce.

Alexey had met his dad for the first time that he could remember, and right away decided that he was a jerk- which he pretty much actually was and so decided to change his last name to Nicholson- the last name that had been Jane's before she married but that she had never bothered to change back to. Then they came back to America, and found that they had lost their house and home because they couldn't pay the bills.

They had secretly lived in the hospital for a few days, Jane had gotten her old job back and Alexey had searched for one when the old receptionist- Terrence had been so desperate about finding a new one he had grabbed just about every person that came into the hospital- and there was Alexey. And he had the job showing that he could talk to people and do what Terry's job had been and so… we had a new receptionist- it was a story that was amazing and unbelievable. But it was true!

At last they had both been afraid of losing one or both of their jobs and had ended up with no one knowing about it. And that was one of the reasons that Jane had never changed her name back to Nicholson. And that was kind of the end of the story.

"…There was this story I used to tell Lex when he was a kid. About that life is a road that we need to walk on. And when things get hard it starts twisting and turning. But even when the way is moving in zigzag we just need to keep on walking and keep strong. And… now I'm telling it to you." Jane turned to me. "I know your way has been moving in zigzag as much as it ever could the last year. And I'm afraid I can't turn it around towards a road easier to walk. So it's going to keep on going in zigzag. But even if you will sometimes believe you are, you are never walking alone, we're all here for you and we will help you keep on walking if we have to. So don't you dare give up!"

"I won't." I said after a few seconds in silence just as I could see Burt coming in- he was so used to taking the ER entrance whenever I was at work and habits were hard to break. He saw us, stopped and frowned and then hurried over to us.

"Did something happen?" He asked worriedly, while I gestured discreetly to Jane and lifted Faith for Jane to take her for a moment. Jane didn't hesitate and started playing with Faith while I took a few steps closer to Burt. "What? Did something happen? Why are you down here? Why..." Before Burt had been able to ask another question I shot forward and kissed him. Hard and for several seconds before I backed away again to see Burt's chin drop and his eyes grow bigger. "Not that I'm complaining but… what was that for?" I gestured to Jane and she nodded and followed us to the elevator so we wouldn't have to stand in the middle of the crowded hallway and talk. Just before going into the elevator Burt took Faith from Jane and then stepped in after me.

"Burt…" As soon as the doors were closed I started speaking. "I'm so afraid of doing this. Of going home. Of not having a doctor right in the hallway in case something would happen and of everything that comes with leaving the hospital. And then Jane told me something and I… I just love you so freaking much. And I also wanted you to shut up." I smirked to let him know I was joking. "And it made me feel less alone… Here, let me take her." I held out my hands and took Faith. "Did you hear what aunty Jane told me baby? Did you? Oh well it wasn't just for me. It goes for you as well. I'll be there with you every step of the way, even when the road is going in ever so much zigzag." I kissed her forehead. "I promise you."

"What are you talking about?" Burt looked confused about when I was talking about zigzag and just as the elevator stopped I answered him and then took his hand and walked out into the hallway.

"Just a story Jane told me. Now come on Burt. Let's bring our baby home."

XxXxXxX

The day that my daughter was supposed to start her first day in kindergarten I mostly ran down the stairs in my nurse scrubs and swearing to myself. God. I had both been looking forward to going back to work for the first time since Faith was born- five years only at the end of the last month. And like only a mother could at the same time as being anxious about it, for my little girl's first day in elementary school.

Then, only at five o'clock this morning the boss that had been in the ER already before I left to spend as much time as possible with my daughter. And even though I wasn't actually supposed to start work again until the day after tomorrow, something had turned up. There was a crisis and when we both had checked absolutely every other possibility I had to realize there was nothing else for me to do then to find the scrubs and punch in.

I sighed and fought back the tears, I really didn't want to miss Faith's first day of school. Not even after slowly and carefully explaining in the best way possibly to my five- year-old daughter why I couldn't come with her today. But that I'd be home when she came home and make all of her favorites for dinner and take her somewhere fun this weekend, and at last she seemed really okay with it and went downstairs to get her breakfast.

But what I had not expected coming down the stairs was Burt coming in full rush with ragged jeans and a flannel shirt rushing down the stairs so fast he had to push me out of the way and then a slight apologize before he continued just as I realized what he was wearing and that he was supposed to go with Faith to school.

"Are you taking Faith to school like that?" I asked before I had gotten a moment to make my voice sound less angry and demanding. Burt stopped abruptly and turned to me, a frown forming in his forehead. "Cadence called me and he needed me to punch in for a few hours already now, today. I can't take her. And you're not taking her dressed like that."

"Wait…" Burt seemed kind of confused and took his cap off to scratch his head. "I thought you were taking her!?" He put the cap back on and looked about as confused as I'd felt. I had told Burt I had spoken to Cadence and he had even agreed… Oh darn it! When on earth would I learn that that if I used the state he was in newly awake and couldn't remember what he agreed to was going to backfire and hit myself in the end?

"I didn't think you were going back until Wednesday. What are you doing in scrubs? You were supposed to go with her because I can't. I've got meetings with Mr. Teller." Hearing Burt say this- even though knowing how much this Mr. Teller could get us, I only felt anger and annoyance boiling up inside of me and it threatened to explode.

"And who is it that have stayed with Faith all from when she was newborn to now. That's five years that I have as good as never gotten out of the house and no matter how much I love Faith I am sick and tired of these walls. And I have been looking forward for God knows how long to get back to work so I'm asking you, don't take it away from me. It's five years Burt. And if we have done these five years on the money that we have well guess what. Then I'm pretty sure we can keep on doing it."

"And who do you think have gotten in all the money for the five years that you've spent home with Faith to get as much time as possible with her. And sometimes had to work half night because money was too tight." Burt pointed to himself. "Without complaining because no matter how much I hated working until late night I saw it made you happy to be home with Faith and that's all I've ever wanted for you. And if it was that that made you happy then I just hoped you'd let go of money and kept on doing that."

"So you thought that just because of that I would just become one of these women like a hundred years ago and just stay at home to cook, clean and bake apple pies while the men get all the money. What's that glare supposed to mean?"

"You said that not me."

"I just thought…" I didn't have the chance to finish before Burt interrupted and his voice was sounding more and more annoyed by every word. No- every letter.

"No. I just thought that spending her first five mostly along with you at home you'd want to share today with her too. Because I know you want to share as much time as possible with her because through Finn you've learnt that… That it could all be over in one second. That's why I thought you want this day with her because it's a real important day and I know you think you missed way too many important days with Finn because you were alone and had to work."

Something clenched in my throat and almost stopped me from breathing totally. I really hated people- anyone commenting on how much I hated myself for missing so much with Finn growing up- Burt knew that. And that was why I knew he was really annoyed with me to say something like that, but that wasn't going to have me give in just yet.

"I can't believe you just said that." I protested and tried to not let the fact that Burt had made me cry shine through in my voice. "I… I can't believe you just said that. But whether you like it or not. If I don't go to the hospital to work today we will lose my whole paycheck every month and guess who's going to get the blame for that and I don't want to take that damn blame." I continued to fight the tears away. "So I… I…" I didn't quite know how to continue and didn't need to either since Kurt suddenly came rushing into the room from the kitchen.

"KURT?" I and Burt shouted at the same time, he hadn't told us anything about that he'd be here. "What are you doing here?" Kurt crossed his arms over his chest before he answered and mostly glared to us both.

"I came late last night. I came because I didn't want to miss Faith's first day of school. And obviously I am lucky I did, you." He pointed to his dad. "Go to work and you…" He pointed to me. "Go to work. Do whatever you want as long as you don't stand here and fight because Faith is on the verge of tears because she can hear you! I'll go with her." Kurt looked sternly to the both of us and I glanced to the watch on the wall to see I had to leave and without looking to Burt I walked into the kitchen to say goodbye to Faith.

"Bye then Faithie. I'll see you again when you come home from school." I gave her the tightest hug I possible could. "And don't worry about me and dad, we just had a little discussion. It doesn't mean that we'll split up or anything like Sheldon's parents did." Ever since Faith's best friend's parents had gotten a divorce after she and Sheldon had listened to what must have been a few hundreds of their fights she had been very scared every time I and Burt as much as disagreed on what to have for dinner that we would split up.

"Okay mummy." Faith hugged me tightly back. "I know you have to work, and you still love me very much." I nodded. "See you later." For a moment I just wanted to turn around and walk back to Faith and tell her, her first day would be more important than for me to keep my job. But knowing what we would lose without the money I would make- for a good bit of future and not only today I kept on walking and drove quickly to the hospital not to change my mind and drive back, and so I finally walked into the emergency room.

"Hey." I didn't have to look around much to find Jane and walked over to her. "Did you have the night shift?" Jane nodded. "Well then, off at nine?" Jane held up ten fingers and then two. "At noon? Why working so long?" She shrugged and finally got the pencil out of her mouth to start writing and could talk to me.

"I don't know… hold on. I didn't think you were on yet!?" I sighed and fought away my feelings about missing Faith's first day of kindergarten. Feeling bad about it wasn't going to change anything. "Carole. Of course, welcome back to work and all that jazz. But I can see there's something. What is it?" I waved it off and tried to turn around to go and find a patient but Jane wasn't that easy to fool and more or less jumped out in front of me and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Look, I haven't been here for five years. I was supposed to start on Wednesday but I had to come in today, Cadence called and there was no other way to do it then for me to punch in." Jane raised an eyebrow- she wasn't going to give up until she had the whole truth. "Today, of all days. It's Faith's first day of kindergarten and both I and Burt were supposed to go with her for this introduction day. And then this morning Burt and I had a fight because he couldn't remember me telling him that I had to punch in and he had to go to some meeting with some guy that if he gets some whatever in between this guy and the tire shop it might get us a good bit of money extra a month for the next one or two years. It's fine though. Faith understand we're doing it for her, and Kurt came tonight so he's going with her. Jane what is it?" She was only glaring at me and then grabbed my shoulders slightly, span me around and gently pushed me away towards the door.

"I can't believe you even came here. You go right to go with Faith to kindergarten. I don't care if it's already started or whatever. That is more important than any jobs or any money." I tried to explain that the extra money for her college and such things. "And no protests. I don't care if you have no other choice then going to the kindergarten in scrubs. I'll cover for you. GO." I didn't have any other choice, Jane was the most stubborn person I had ever met. And she cared for Faith more than anyone else that wasn't closest family.

I looked to my watch and realized that if I would drive fast enough I could catch Kurt and Faith just before they left the house and go with them. But as I came home and shouted their names through the house I realized they had already gone and I ran back to the car and drove the road I knew Faith and Kurt would be taking all the time keeping an eye on the pavement so I would see them if they as much as came into my vision.

At last, when I could see the school and the parking lot I could see the two of them. There was no chance that I was wrong since Kurt was wearing one of his nicer outfits and everyone seemed to be looking weirdly at them, for all I knew- they would think Kurt was just a young dad instead of guessing older brother. And so I quickly found a parking spot, pulled over and braked. Pulled the keys out and then ran across the parking lot to the point where Kurt and Faith were just waiting for someone to go in before them so they could reach the door. And I didn't even hesitate before I ran up behind her and hugged her tightly.

At first it seemed like since she wasn't ready it frightened Faith that someone came right up from behind and hugged her. But so she turned around and saw it was only me. "MUMMY." She screeched and threw her arms around my neck. "I knew you'd come." I smiled slightly and lifted her up, then nodded to the woman who stood right inside the door and seemed to be the teacher- a strict- but- kind- looking woman. Probably at least a few years older than me.

"Of course I came." I hugged Faith even tighter before letting her down onto the ground again. "You know I wouldn't leave you on the first day of real school." Faith nodded happily. "Okay. Let's go inside then." Faith laid one small hand in mine, and the other in Kurt's so we had to walk sideways through the door, and just about the split moment before it closed I heard a male's voice sounding loud through the parking lot, and I recognized it well.

"WAIT." I was closest and pushed the door open again to see my husband- still, like me in his work- clothes coming as fast as he could over the parking lot, and even though I was still mad with him and wasn't going to give in for the first I couldn't help but to feel happy when I realized he had too come from work and possibly let go of that money to be here with Faith on her first day.

"Okay, are anyone missing somebody?" The teacher asked and looked around and people around the hallway shook their heads. "Okay, then let's go to the classroom. Oh and by the way. I am Miss Mary Ziglah. Now, some people that came here earlier thought it was loads of fun to call me Miss Zigzag but none of you are going to do that this year, am I right?" She looked around and there were spread no's around the hallway. "Okay, you may all call me Miss Ziglah. Is that understood for everybody? Okay then, let's go."

Miss Ziglah led us all through the hallway and into a quite big classroom with big windows, new furniture and several computers. "Okay, this is my classroom. Children can find each desk and parents and…" Miss Ziglah glanced to Kurt. "…Other family- members stand up along the walls. Please, thank you." Faith took a seat in the front corner right by the door and I, Kurt and Burt got in a short line right by the door as well while the other parents- some coming alone with their children and some coming both of the parents build up on the line along the walls while the five- year- olds happily chose each desk and looked with alert expressions towards the front and Miss Ziglah.

"How come you came?" I whispered into Burt's ear, too quiet for anyone else to hear. Burt leaned back towards me and whispered back into my ear the answer. But I whispered more to him first. "I hope you didn't give up Faith's college fund for this one and only day and nothing else." I wanted to know, but still I wanted to make sure that Burt knew I wasn't ready to not being angry with him just yet, and then Burt could finally whisper his answer back.

"Turns out Mr. Teller have got children too. And he asked me why I was so tense and wouldn't give up until I told him the truth. Then he told me that I should go to the school and he would talk to my co- workers. And the rest is history. He should call sometime during the forenoon and tell me what happens with that money." Burt held up his hand with crossed fingers. But I turned towards Miss Ziglah just as she asked Faith to introduce herself and the people she had brought, while also asking Faith to say something she liked and didn't like.

"My name is Faith Hummel." My daughter spoke loud enough for everyone to hear. "And this is my half- brother Kurt Hummel. My daddy Burt Hummel, and my mummy Carole Hudson- Hummel. I also have another half- brother named Finn Hudson, but he's an angel in heaven. I really like it when we are doing things together all four of us. But I don't like it when mummy and daddy are fighting. So it's a good thing that we spend a lot of time together but mummy and daddy almost never fights." I glanced to Burt, I was starting to feel bad about this. But at the same time I turned my head to look out to the other children when I noticed Burt looked back at me.

Miss Ziglah glanced to us while noting something in the paper in front of her and I prayed to God that what Faith had said hadn't made her believe that we were one of those families where the parents fought just about all the time and she would be more affected by it than what we would ever want or do to our baby girl.

"My name is Marcus Makenzie and this is my mum Leah Makenzie. I like to play soccer, but I don't like vegetables." The dark- haired boy that had just introduced himself and his mum silent again and looked over to the blonde boy that sat on the other side of him from Faith. But just as he was on his way to tell his name Burt's annoying, sharp ringtone sounded loud through the classroom and of course it took like a year before Burt had gotten the phone out of his pocket.

"Sorry I've got to take this…Hummel!" Burt put the phone to his ear and hurried out of the room. He closed the door after him but I could hear the muffled sound of his voice through the door, and for the next few minutes I was so nervous about where we would get from here I felt my heart pounding so hard in my chest I felt blood streaming in my ears and when Burt at last came back through the door I could barely breathe.

"We got it." Suddenly a big smile formed on Burt's lips and his eyes were just sparkling. "We got it. We've got two and a half thousand extra dollars for at least the next two years." Burt was so happy he was almost jumping on the spot. "We've got a college fund and God knows how much else." For a moment I forgot where we were and that I was supposed to still be angry with Burt and I just threw my arms around his neck.

Burt must have forgotten where we were too and who would be seeing us because barely was he in my arms and I in his before he kissed me. Hard. And so I pushed him away and he still didn't seem to remember.

"Burt," I fizzled quietly but all my anger from before had run off. "There are children here!" Burt frowned and grimaced a bit and glanced out into the rest of the classroom where there was eighteen dropped chins and thirty six big eyes looking at us. While number nineteen- our Faith had buried her face in her hands in shame.

"Oh crap. Do you think they saw us?"

"I think they did." I whispered while Miss Ziglah had been standing up and came over to us, and now stood with her arms crossed over her chest and glared at me and my husband over the bows of her glasses and her short, skinny figure seemed a good bit bigger and scarier than before.

"I think that Mr. And Mrs. Hummel should be sent into the naughty corner for disturbing in class. Anyone agrees?" nineteen small hands shot in the air and I and Burt were sent to stand next to each other in one of the corners, silent and still for five minutes. "And if you mess it up the time will start all over from the beginning." She returned to the students who one by one introduced themselves and said something they liked and didn't like.

"How…" Burt mumbled quite quietly so Miss Ziglah wouldn't hear a couple of minutes later, but he had to stop talking to suppress a laughter. "How exactly did we end up in the naughty corner at a kindergarten?" He closed his mouth and covered it with his hand for his laughter not to start echoing loud through the classroom and get us even more unwanted attention.

"I'm not so sure." I had to bite my lip not to laugh out loud. "But I think we must have moved in zigzag to get here." Burt was shaking with suppressed, silent laughter and glanced back at Miss Ziglah who were still talking to the other parents and children while Faith and Kurt sat in the front row and both of them glared embarrassed at us standing in the corner.

"Hmm… If we keep on moving in zigzag I can take you to a naughty corner at home later." That part didn't sound too bad to me but I forced myself to glare at Burt- hadn't we been enough trouble here already? "Or what do you say?" Discreetly I lifted the hand I had closest to where Burt was standing and pushed him slightly.

And nothing else would have happened if Burt had been ready. But he wasn't. He must have been completely lost in his own thoughts because he stumbled a bit and then fell- loudly- right into the wall. At first I was on good way to be scared to death when he started shaking, then he couldn't hold it anymore and his loud chuckles echoed through the classroom.

I bit my lip so hard that if it had been any harder I would have bitten right through my lip. But at last I couldn't keep from laughing anymore either and had to take support against the wall not to fall when I just broke down while the parents' and children's and Kurt's and Miss Ziglah's eyes were turned to the- somewhat mad and crazy couple in the naughty corner. But thankfully no one asked us anything until we had both been able to catch our breath and Burt had gotten back onto his feet.

"I have been teaching five and six year old's for more than twenty years." Miss Ziglah stated and she did not seem happy. "And I have never seen a kid that's been like…. This!" She gestured towards me and Burt. "So now, either you stand in quiet and still in the naughty corner for five minutes or you are out of here." She pointed towards the door. "It's your choice. Do you want to stay?" Burt and I both nodded and turned back towards the corner, but Miss Ziglah wasn't happy with that. And when she asked again, I and Burt answered the same, at the same time and then stood still and silent for the five minutes we were supposed to before we could go and apologize to our children.

"Yes Miss Zigzag… I mean Miss Ziglah."

XxXxXxX

"Okay, are you ready?" My younger sister took stern grips in the handlebars on my old bike- now hers. And nodded. "Okay. Then let's try it one more time before we go inside and watch a movie and then get ready for bed. Tomorrow everything needs to be perfect you know, dad and Carole are coming home and if they heard you've been up so late. Then I will be the one that gets in trouble." I took a good grip of the back of the bike and then Faith started pedaling and I started running.

It was Sunday evening and my wedding anniversary present (several months ago) for my dad and stepmum had been for them to go away for a week while I came to Lima and took care of Faith. The couple were coming home tomorrow, and when I had realized Faith- now eight years old couldn't ride a bike (it might have something to do that both parents were only slightly over- protective) I had made up my mind to teach her for them to see as a surprise when they came home.

"Okay, okay. Pedal, pedal, pedal." I shouted and mostly ran after her when I let go. "YOU'RE DOING IT FAITH. YOU'RE DOING IT! YOU'RE RIDING THE BIKE YAY." I jumped and punched in the air. "NOW BREAK. BREAK. BREAK." I grimaced to myself when the bike and Faith fell and landed hard onto the asphalt and then ran down the road. "Are you okay?" I lifted her away from the bike and onto her feet. "No broken bones?" My sister stood proud and tall and shook her head. "Okay. Then let's continue tomorrow."

"No Kurt." Faith whined. "Just let me go one more time. Please, I'll really try to break this time. Please, pretty… pretty… pretty… please." She laid her head to the side, pouted and looked at me with her best puppy eyes. "Pretty, pretty please." Faith knew she would have me wrapped around her little finger looking at me like this. So I sighed knowing that I didn't stand a chance and gave in.

"Okay, but only one more time. And I want you to really try and break this time okay? Just pedal backwards." Faith nodded and lifted the bike up. "Okay. We can try it from here. There's no one on the road this time of day okay? Get up on the bike." I held onto the bike while she got up and then ran after again. And didn't tell her when I let go and just stopped on the road and looked after her and smiled. Then felt the panic creeping up in me when I saw a car coming around the corner and straight towards my sister.

"NO." I shouted when the bike started going back and forth so fast she was almost moving in zigzag. "NO BREAK. BREAK. BREEEEEEAAAAAK FAITH." Through the windshield of the car I could see the frightened looks on both dad's and Carole's faces as dad tried to steer to the side not to hit Faith, and thank God the car had actually stopped when the front wheel of Faith's bike hit the front of dad's car so hard Faith was thrown into the car, down onto the ground and then didn't move anymore.

The whole world seemed to have gone all silent and still. It was probably not even for a second, but it felt like hours before I finally could move again and I sprinted down the road and to the car just as dad and Carole got out on either side and Carole shouted to me just as I kneeled by Faith who obviously was hit unconscious and had a large cut on her forehead.

"NO, don't touch her." I looked up while Carole kneeled and carefully laid each hand towards each side of her head and neck. "That might have hurt her neck and then we need to keep it stable. Kurt, call 911…." I froze, and suddenly didn't know even what she told me. "KURT. NOW." I woke up from hearing the panic shining through in Carole's voice and quickly pulled up my phone of my pocket and with shaky hands barely managed to dial the emergency number.

"What's your emergency?"

"I… ehrm…. I… My little sister… She's hurt. She's unconscious." My voice was trembling as well as my whole body and I could not even find the right words. "We… We need an ambulance. We're on Whitman Avenue 415… no wait." I checked the number on the house we were closest to now. "411. We're by Whitman Avenue 411. Please hurry." My hands were shaking so badly I couldn't hold onto the phone so I turned the loudspeaker on and laid it on the front of the car.

"What were you doing out in the road?" Dad seemed scared out of his mind. "A bike? She can't even ride a bike. What were you even doing here Kurt? What were you doing out in the road? What was Faith doing in the road? She's eight for God's sake, she's a little kid. What if we hadn't had the chance to stop? What if…" With every single one of his words it hit me just as a punch in the heart. "How could you be so stupid?"

And so I felt bad for thinking about myself and my own feelings with my little sister lying unconscious in the middle of the road. And then just beat myself up for everything at the exact same time as I could hear the ambulance's sirens a long way from here. And then I could finally hear it coming closer, and closer, and closer until it finally passed around the corner at the same place as dad and Carole had come what must have been ages ago.

"Here." Dad handed me the car keys to his car as Carole had climbed into the ambulance after Faith and the car had disappeared out of our sight. "I'll go inside and get the keys for Carole's car and go after them. And you." He pointed angrily at me to show he was dead serious. "You stay here until we come back or call. Okay?" It was clear now more than ever that dad was angry with me. "You move my car out of the road. I'll fix that buckle tomorrow. But there's barely any petrol left so I couldn't drive all the way to the hospital with it." Dad kept on muttering angrily to himself walking up the driveway about how irresponsible I was and yeah that was about everything I caught while I, with tears burning in my eyes moved the bike from the road and put it by the front door to the house and then moved the car. As slowly as possible because man, this was going to be a long night.

The hours after dad and Carole had gone to the hospital with Faith were long and boring. They had left both of their phones in dad's car so I took them inside and put them on charging in the hallway. For the clock to at all move forward I started tidying and cleaning. I vacuumed the whole ground floor. And otherwise vacuuming was one of those chores that I would not do for as long as possible since I simply just hated doing it. And even though it otherwise used to feel like it never got done early enough it seemed like ten seconds and way too soon when I was done and so I put the vacuum machine into the cupboard again and sat back down by the kitchen table. Only to ten seconds later go and get it and take it upstairs where I vacuumed every room there just to have the time move.

When I wasn't cleaning and tidying I was mostly walking back and forth. In a zigzag pattern between furniture and things. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And at last I got very tired of the inside of the house. So I pulled my shoes and dad's biggest fleece shirt (with everything that was going on I didn't even care about what I was wearing) on. And so walked outside into the cool night air.

I mostly felt like throwing up when I stood by the car and looked at the zigzag pattern that had been with a created buckle where Faith's small fragile body had hit the hard metal. What if I could have just, just turned back time. Accepted that Faith couldn't ride a bike and so kept myself from coming with the idea to surprise dad and Carole. What if dad and Carole had only stayed until tomorrow morning like they had said? What if we hadn't gone for that last try before a movie and then bed. What if…

There were so many what if's. What if I hadn't let go of the back of the bike just when I did. What if dad and Carole hadn't come around the corner when they did? What if Faith had fallen right away when she was pedaling on her own? What if? What if, what if, what if?

I couldn't keep the tears away any longer and I sunk down into squatted position in the parking lot and put my head in my hands. Before I knew it I was shaking with silent sobs and there were tears rolling from my eyes to my cheeks to my hands and dripping down onto the ground.

Somewhere far away I heard the sound of a car, but this time I didn't even start hoping that it would be dad, Carole and Faith coming home. I had hoped every single time I had heard a car tonight and been so disappointed every time. I simply just couldn't let that happen to myself yet another time. Not even when I heard the car coming closer and closer I looked up. But when I heard the car coming down our road, and when I heard it coming into our driveway. Then I was a hundred percent sure I was only hallucinating. Well that was until I heard dad and his heavy steps coming down and he laid a hand on the back of my shoulder.

"Son, we're home now." When dad spoke to me with a calm, comforting tone. So unlike the blaming, angry and panicked one he had used the last time I saw him. I finally looked up, lowered my hands and turned my head to look up at my dad just as he backed away from me and reached into the car where he lifted Faith up onto his hips and held a finger to his lips to show me to keep silent as it seemed that Faith was asleep and then carefully walked down the driveway towards the door where Carole was opening the door for them and I quickly raised and half ran down the driveway.

Carole smiled slightly at me when I came through the door and clapped my shoulder before she let go of the door handle and pulled the door closed coming after me and I still barely knew more than what I had ten minutes ago. Except I saw that the cut on Faith's forehead was stitched up- the stitches creating almost a zigzag pattern over the red cut and her pale skin.

"It's okay." Carole whispered and rubbed my back slightly. "She has a cut, and a minor concussion. We need to keep an eye on her, especially when she's sleeping so I and Burt will kind of be taking shifts tonight. Don't worry. Only for a couple of hours each so we wouldn't have any time over for you to do it if you wanted to. Go to bed Kurt, I can see you're exhausted. And…" Carole stopped in the hallway between the bedrooms. "Don't worry about what Burt said before. You tried to make Faith happy and it was an accident. She told us what happened. Let's just be happy it didn't end up worse than it did okay?" I nodded, then looked to my hands and wondered if I should tell Carole what I had been thinking about. "Kurt? What is it honey?"

"I get it now…"

"Get what?"

"What you've been saying about if we leave someone when their life moves in zigzag it's going to end up in them crashing. Earlier today, I let go of the bike. Then she lost balance so she started moving from side to side, and then she crashed. And all because I had let go. If I hadn't then that bike wouldn't have been moving back and forth like that so much and then…" I didn't finish the sentence, and didn't even know how to finish it before Carole had come over to me and tightly embraced me.

"It wasn't your fault sweetie. It was an accident." She finally let go and then backed away one step but kept one hand on my shoulder. "And I'm happy that you get what I mean- finally! It goes for you too. Only because things seem to be rocky and go in zigzag. We'll never ever leave you or keep on fighting for everything for your well- being. And not even if you have messed it up, through an accident. Or if you against all odds have managed to do something on purpose."

"Not in the worst of zigzag?"

"Not ever in the worst of zigzag." Carole shook her head. "Hey, do you want to come and sleep in with me or your father during the night?" I hesitated, wow. Wasn't it amazing how someone as motherly as my stepmum would know exactly what you wanted and needed- almost before you knew you wanted it yourself? "Come on." She had seen I wanted to answer yes before I had spoken and she grabbed my hand and pulled me gently through the hallway. "Huh. That's a coincidence. She lifted in the covers that were patterned in multi- colored zigzag. "Oh well. Goodnight." Carole had more or less fallen into bed and fallen asleep before I had the chance to answer her. And I was for once not going to mind about my skin- moisturizing evening routine. I would probably regret it in the morning. But even though I was so tired I could have fallen into bed like Carole had just done myself. I realized she needed me more than I needed sleep and I carefully spread the covers over her and laid down in my dad's bed- like I and dad would lay just after mum died and just watched Carole sleeping for a few minutes.

"It doesn't just go for me and Faith, but for you and dad as well." I whispered at last and had to pause when I yawned. "When your life starts moving in zigzag. We'll all be here for you, forever more. Goodnight." And with that, I turned around. And fell asleep.

XxXxXxX

"Ugh" After having spent the whole day- well since the forenoon and God knows how many hours that was with me at the mall today my twelve- year old sister was obviously sick and tired of me, the mall, and trying out dresses. Actually the part about trying out dresses she probably was tired of before we started since she was a real tomboy and really, really didn't like either dresses or skirts.

"Kurt." She continued with the moaning tone and I knew she was serious since I knew my sister- and she didn't complain unless she was very, very serious. "Can't we grab something to eat? Please, I'm so hungry." I hesitated and looked to my watch. It was for sure six, seven hours since she ate last I had been hoping we wouldn't have to eat at the mall. I was trying to slim for the wedding where my dad and stepmum was going to renew their vows and the mall restaurant barely has as much as salad.

"Okay." I answered at last. "Come on." We walked together in silence to one of the small restaurants on the top floor of the mall. And I ordered grilled cheese and a soda for Faith, while chicken salad and water for myself and waited as I watched Faith reading a Donald Duck magazine she'd found on a table that was there for waiting guests. And even though she looked into the magazine I could see in her eyes that right now her mind was working very, very hard.

I only sat there and watched her the whole time that we waited for the food, registered her every move with my vision and only felt how incredibly much I loved my sister. I couldn't imagine what life had been without her- probably a whole lot more boring since with Faith's personality there really wasn't a moment of boredom. And even though I usually was in New York, I and Blaine also had our children Kendrick and Celia now. And I really wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Well, except that I would have wanted Finn here to see it all but… You always wanted what you couldn't have, didn't you?

We got our food and Faith ate silently, this was so weird and so unlike her. The Faith I knew would probably have nagged me to get hot chocolate or something for dessert, but even though her nagging could get quite annoying sometimes, I would take that Faith any day before this distressed one that barely said a word.

"That's a pretty nice dress isn't it?" I said mostly to have brainstormed for something to talk about and nodded to a girl who set in a pale peach colored dress a few tables away. "I mean… For dad's and Carole's wedding you'd need something more… formal so to say. But it's a nice dress isn't it?" Faith glanced at the dress, shrugged and turned back to her grilled cheese. And now I could clearly see that this wasn't just about the dress, there was really something bothering her. "What is it Faithie?" Faith sighed and then looked up and to me.

"I don't want to wear a dress. Like why don't we just let all the guests and everyone see me? That instead of seeing some lousy tries to make me pre…" I had a good idea about what the word might be but still gestured to her to continue. "To make me pretty." Faith's voice was only a mumble, barely more than a whisper and she looked more sternly into her sandwich than ever. I looked down on it too, she had eaten most of it, much enough to last her the rest of the day so I stood up and grabbed my jacket.

"Come on." I said, a bit more sternly than what I had planned to. "Come on. I… am going to find a dress that makes you feel pretty. I promise." Faith sighed and stood up, taking her hoodie and pulling it over her head and T- shirt. And I also noticed her cheeks had gone bright pink as if she was embarrassed about having told me how she really thought about all of this.

Seeing the sparkle go out in Faith's green eyes every time she tried on a new dress that we hoped would be the right one, it only made me want to go home and talk dad and Carole into actually wearing jeans and hoodie on the wedding. After all- it wasn't formal clothing, but it was her. But I had made a promise to her. And if I was going to break a promise, the person I would like the least to do it to was my sister.

Not before only ten minutes before the mall was closing we ran into the last of the stores and we knew that we'd have to look through all the dresses in there fast and if we found something try it out fast. And then finally….

"What about this one then?" For the first time today Faith actually found and picked out one dress on her own which gave me home about that this might finally be the one. "That's nice." She held up a pale blue dress, floral patterned and with the tiny sown flowers creating a zigzag pattern around the whole dress. "It kind of reminds me of that mum always tells me about the road of life moving in zigzag. Let's go and try it out shall we." She took the dress's hanger in a steady grip and held it a bit over the floor and headed for the changing rooms, already before I'd had the time to follow her, so I walked after first when she had disappeared behind a curtain.

The waiting was the worst part, for people that weren't as much into fashion as I would be it probably wouldn't matter as much whether she liked the dress or not. But this was for her parents' wedding, and Faith was the bridesmaid. She had a very, very important part of everything being just right and since all of the bridesmaid's responsibilities was too much for a twelve year old to bear, I had gotten some from hers, and I knew that also Carole's sister Karen and best friend Jane had gotten some of them. Then the least thing we could do for Faith was to let her feel beautiful.

Also, I was the best man, the ring bearer and mine and Blaine's children, Celia and Kendrick were flowerboy and flowergirl. And with Ken being only six and a half year's old I had to make sure he was getting everything right well, because there was totally no way Blaine could do that. And I would also have to help Celia with her dress and everything and then a speech for the wedding and…

"Kurt?" I shook my head and returned to reality when Faith called out for me. "Zipper's in the back. Can you come and help me with it?" I nodded, even though I knew she couldn't see me and so carefully, just in case I'd take the wrong curtain walked into the changing room where Faith stood with her back against me and holding her hair up so I could reach the zipper. And I made sure not to look at her in the mirror before the zipper was all pulled up and I looked up and looked over her head into the mirror to see what she looked like and what I saw formed a big smile on my lips.

"Faith Hummel, may I escort you to the wedding in between your parents?" I joked. "God Faithie… You look beautiful. Here I get for only seeing you in jeans and T- shirts, baseball caps and sneakers." Faith giggled slightly, but didn't say anything. "Hey, what's this? Does the dress make you all shy and giggly did it?"

"Kurt…" Faith hesitated. "I just feel… I just look so… darn it Kurt… I'm beautiful." I smiled and laid my arms around her neck from behind. Wishing that Faith had been able to see every day what I, mum and dad (and that boy Kieran in her class) could see every day. That it didn't matter if Faith looked as so often coming back from the woods with her muddy jeans, muddy hoodie, muddy hands, muddy face, muddy baseball cap, muddy sneakers and muddy hair- and muddy rest of the body. That was just my sister for you. But I just wished for her to see the beauty we saw in what just was… her.

"Oh Faithie." I sighed slightly. "You're always beautiful. Never doubt that okay?" Faith leaned back her head against my shoulder. "We can always see it… and I'm so happy that you finally can too." Faith didn't answer, and we just stood there in silence for several minutes before she spoke again- and yep. She knew she had her dad wrapped around her little finger.

"It's kind of expensive though… Should I tell dad that we found a dress?" Faith smirked and her eyes were glittering. I let hear a short laugh, but nodded. There wasn't a chance dad would tell his little girl no to anything when she looked at him with those green eyes. "By the way did you write your speech?" I backed out of the changing room but Faith just talked a bit louder for me to hear.

"No. I need to do it soon but I can't find an idea on how to start it. What about you?" There was a moment and I could hear Faith was trying to get the dress over her head, because she said something and her voice sounded muffled by the fabric. "What did you say?" It was quiet for a moment and then I heard her voice again, clearer this time.

"I did. I kind of like it but I need to say it to someone and hear what they think. Do you think we could do that on the way home?" I nodded even though she couldn't see me and then answered her yes. "Thanks K." I sighed- I hated that nickname she had had for me since she was little, she knew it. I guess that was why she kept on using it.

We went to pay for the dress and I asked if there was something else we needed to get today- tights, shoes, something for her hair. But here Faith refused, and I could understand. Not even I really liked spending ten hours in a row at a mall with barely sitting down at all. Like Faith said about hers my feet hurt and I mostly just wanted to throw myself in the sofa and watch a marathon of Grey's anatomy.

I couldn't help but wonder how a twelve year old would do a speech for her parents' wedding talk about in her speech and it itched in my legs to get to the car so I could hear it. And so we finally sat down and I drove out of the parking lot while my sister pulled up a paper from her pocket and unfolded it before she started.

And whatever it was I had expected to get from her speech… it wasn't anywhere near anything as what it turned out to be.

Ever since I was so little I couldn't remember my mum and dad have told me this story about that life is a road we're walking on and the harder life gets the more it twists and turns and the harder it gets to walk on. When things are very hard, it's like it's moving in zigzag. Zigzag with really short lines. And I know that since they married the first time, and made their vows. Their lives have not only been moving in the worse of zigzags, it's gone up and down and it's been day and night and sunshine and storms so… I guess they've been through some really rough times. And no metaphors I ever use is going to show anyone that doesn't know are going to tell how rough.

It's not that I ever wanted some of the things that's happened to my parents to happen to them. It's not that I wanted them to ever be unhappy. But I wanted them to know how much they love each other, and that couldn't ever be told, or be shown during the easy times. But for a person to truly know how much another person loves one. He or she needs to hit those rough patches.

Because there isn't anything another person can do to prove one loves someone else so much as when one does when they stick by someone's side all the time, even when it gets hard. And maybe if my parents hadn't had the rough times, they wouldn't know how much the other one loved them. And then we wouldn't be here today. And also… I do know that my parents love each other, and it's only partly because come on- they loved each other enough to have me!

But also, only being in the same room as them both I can just feel how much my dad loves my mum, and how much my mum loves my dad. And even when they're not close I know. Because I do know what they'd stick together through. And what they already have been through, together. Without hesitating about sticking together through it all. Even when the road was moving in ever so much zigzag.

So let's make a toast everybody, not for the bride or the groom, or for me who came with this perfectly awesome speech- come on guys, I'm twelve. What did you expect? But for love, and hard times. How they both go hand in hand and how only hard times can give love so strong we end up somewhere like here.

And also, for my parents. I hope you get loads of more years together. Both with the straight, flat road. And with the zigzag. Thank you.

XxXxXxX

"So what are you thinking about that one?" Kurt asked his fifteen year old sister and my daughter standing in front of a mirror wearing some kind of knitted shirt in a souvenir shop in Lofoten islands, Norway. "I like it. It's you, but at the same time it's not a hoodie or a T- shirt like eight sizes too big. And if you want the guys to look after you now when you're getting into your sophomore year… okay, okay. I'll shut up." Kurt laughed, while my grandchildren thirteen year old Celia and nine year old Kendrick looked to each other and Ken rolled his eyes and nodded to Faith. It seemed that they both were getting really tired of souvenir shops and Kurt making Faith trying on one item after the other because he was tired of her very tomboy style.

"Hey." I lightly tapped Kendrick on the shoulder. "I'm sure they'll be done soon. And when they are we'll know because when she wants something. Faithie will look at me with those puppy eyes because she knows that if she looks at me and say those magical words to make me pay for it… just like she's doing right now. Yes honey?" Faith run a hand over the shoulder of the shirt she was wearing laying her head to the side.

"Please daddy?" She looked at me with her best puppy eyes that she knew would wrap me around her little finger. And I didn't even try to protest before I checked the price for the shirt- God why did everything have to be so expensive in Norway? But still I pulled up my wallet of my pocket and pulled up the right amount of Norwegian crowns.

"Thanks daddy." Faith reached up and kissed my cheek for a thank you, just in that way she knew melted my heart enough to let her keep the change as well. And then turned to Kurt, pulled the knitted shirt off and then her own hoodie reading the word 'geek' over the chest and she pulled it over her T- shirt and went to pay and I looked around to find my wife. I started getting a bit worried when I finally saw her through the windows outside of the store on the kind of porch and I signed to Blaine I would go outside and talk to her so no one would start looking for me.

I, Carole, Faith, Kurt, Blaine, Celia and Kendrick had gone off to Lofoten islands after Carole had finally had the results from the doctors that Carole had been going to for almost six months. That was since we first realized that how much trouble my wife had with remembering. So bad she had trouble keeping track of time or watch TV and there was no way it was just normal. And at last she had taken the time off work to not put any patients in danger at least until she knew if it was something that would make a risk for that.

And then there were tests made, and more tests, and waiting for doctors. Letters coming saying it would be a number of weeks until they continued doing their tests, more tests and more waiting. Fear, slight happiness when we thought they had excluded the absolute worse, anger and tears. God all those tears! And then at last, finally a word on what was going on- Alzheimer's.

In everything that was already going on, with Kurt, Blaine, Celia and Kendrick moving to Lima, Faith that soon would be going into her sophomore year in high school and I who would also have to change jobs since crawling under a car and looking up with a flashlight just didn't do it for a guy close to retirement. And only doing paper jobs at the shop just didn't do it for me. The diagnosis had just hit us like a bomb and several days where it felt like we all only walked around as if in a foggy land were spent telling Faith, Kurt and everyone and learning the doses of the Carole's new medicines Carole had at last woke us all (Me, Faith, and also Kurt, Blaine, Celia and Kendrick whom for the moment lived with us) and said 'stop'.

Carole had told us that she had seen cases of this disease at work where the victims barely- or not at all remembered their family. And she didn't know if that would happen to her. It had seemed so far like this was moving on fast in her case and she kept on forgetting more and more while her memory could get better and then worse and then better again several times a week. But with medicines it might be slowed down so much it might be another fifty years before she'd went that far she'd forget about all of us- and the chance was very little she'd even live for that long since that would make her a hundred and nine years old. And after all- they might have found a new- real cure for it in the morning since the papers showed at least a few times every year that they'd found a cure so some time it's got to be true.

And so Carole had told us what it was that she wanted to do- that she wanted to live. Be around us as much as it was possible. And also see as much as she could of the world while she still had the ability to remember it. We had wondered for days about where we wanted to go and had at last ended up in a group of Islands in the north of Norway- kind of weird some of our friends thought, but we just wanted to have a somewhat calm vacation and see what people said was the most beautiful place on earth.

And so we had taken the first flight we could get seven tickets here on and none of us had mentioned the Alzheimer's or anything else that would bother us for the last few days and just rented a car big enough to carry us all and actually just driven around for three days and thankfully (As of a miracle) we hadn't had any too bad cases of motion sickness. The roads in Norway were the most twisting and turning I had ever experienced. But we had gotten away with some headaches and stomachaches. Though despite that I had bought some buckets- of the kind that children would use for building sand castles and put under each and every seat just in case.

"Hey mum." Faith came outside with a bag in one hand and the change in the other that she reached to me. But I just gestured to her that she could take it. "Cool, thanks dad. Can I go over to the gas station over there and buy more of that chocolate?" She pointed, and I nodded. "I think I'm obsessed with that chocolate." I just nodded agreeing and watched her walk towards the road.

"Just be careful love, there are loads of cars here." Faith just turned around and smirked at me- she knew I could tell. And she knew I knew. And so she turned to the road where someone was just stopping so she could walk over and jogged the rest of the way into the gas station where she would buy more of that 'kvikklunsj' or whatever that chocolate was called. She had tried it almost as soon as we got here because I had gotten into a small store and bought whatever could be eaten after all of those hours of flying we were all just hungry and Faith had grabbed one of those chocolates and since then she had barely stopped eating it.

"I'm fine." Carole finally could answer my question. "I just… sometimes it hits me what is going on and then I just need to be alone…." I laid a hand towards her back. "…Really Burt." She nodded towards the door to the store where Kurt, Blaine, Celia and Kendrick still were. "I just need to be alone for a minute." I still hesitated. "Really Burt. I'll be in there in just a minute." It was probably the wrong thing to do but I patted Carole's back slightly and walked back into the store where Celia ran around wanting yet one thing yet the other and Kendrick just stood and fingered on a stuffed bird with a such special and beautiful look in his eyes I pulled up my wallet and gave him money to buy it already before he'd been able to ask for it. Mostly because Ken barely even asked for anything.

"You're spoiling them dad." Kendrick came out of that store with that stuffed bird and Celia with a cap since at last I had thought she'd be like her granddad with those caps. "You know it's gonna get back on you." I smirked at Kurt and pushed the peak of Celia's cap down over her eyes before I laid my arm around Carole's shoulders coming out of the store.

"Look at them Kurt. Celia is going around bragging about how much she likes me and being like me with that cap." I let go of Carole, grabbed Kurt's shoulder and gestured towards the children. "Kenny is holding that stuffed bird tightly and right now it's his best friend. For now they have no heartbreaks, sorrows or miseries. They're just here and now. And here and now they are happy. Next week Celia will be a hormonal teenager that won't be thinking anything else then me than her embarrassing old poppy. And look at Kendrick, he will have out- grown stuffed animals then. He might think tomorrow that he's a too big boy for a stuffed bird and he'd like to go by his full name instead of silly nicknames like Kenny or Ricky. Too much of a big boy to keep on calling me poppy, and I'll be old enough to be called grandpa. Who cares if I spoil them a bit now? I only have a short time when I can still spoil them. So don't let me hear you say anything about it."

Kurt shook his head, and even I could hear the abrupt ending onto the deep and kind of poetic speech I'd given him and couldn't help but laugh at it. At the same time as Faith came walking back over to us. And we moved back to the car and got into our respective seats in the van. I in the driver's seat, Carole right by me in the passenger seat. Then there were two lines of three seats each, the one in the middle of the car Kurt sat in the middle and Celia behind Carole, and Kendrick behind me. And then in the furthest back Blaine sat behind Celia and Faith behind Ken. And once everyone had gotten in, the doors were closed and the seatbelts on, I started driving again and drove out of the town and towards the cabin we had been living in.

"You know." About half- way back to the cabin, after several minutes of no one saying anything at all Faith spoke. "There is a road going in here. We have been driving past this road like a thousand times the last few days. I know we have, we've been driving past that yellow house that is right by a graveyard. And we have no idea where this road leads. Why not just do something completely random and drive along it as far as we want. Just to do something random… and I also want to see what's on the other side of it." I braked, not a very good idea on the road we were. Looked around and then steered into the other road while the children cheered for something new happening.

"Can you imagine all the people that are buried here?" I could see Faith in the rearview mirror and she looked by the graveyard by the road. I had to turn back to the road but slowed down a bit. "I mean, what could it be? I don't know how many. But can you imagine all of those people? All of their lives and all of the people affected by it. And we know nothing about them… fascinating, isn't it?" I had a car after me and it was a narrow road so I had to hit the gas again. "I mean, the ones who lay neat the stones over there. They lived in that yellow house, they were originally from Lofoten islands but only one of them from around here. They had children, and Grandchildren, even great grandchildren that they loved very much. They grew old together, and got ill together. Everybody thought he would die first but no one really knows since they found them in the morning, having died in each other's arms…. Eurgh! Since when am I so…" She searched for the right word.

"Girly?" Kenny asked just because he knew that was something Faith hated being called. "Oh.. Gee-gee. That's a good name for a bird! He looked down on his stuffed bird- now obviously named Gee-gee. Hugged her close and silently looked out the window for the next couple of minutes. "Oh look, that's a nice house. The red and white over there."

Normally when you heard a nine year old say that you'd expect some major Lego house or a house in loads of different colors. But the house I saw was in fact an old- looking wooden house, red and white and up on a hill. And I really couldn't do else then agree with Kendrick as well as the others in the car. And the house actually looked like something that would be Kurt's dream house.

I only continued driving and after a while I realized it would probably be a while before I could turn again, the road was narrow with pretty much the usual. Which was what we had seen mostly the last few days- mountains on one side and ocean on the other. And so suddenly, I noticed Kendrick was suddenly very pale and actually looked kind of green.

"Poppy." He hugged his Gee-gee and pulled his legs up onto the seat to sit Indian style. "This road is turning so much it's moving in really bad zigzag. It makes my tummy feel weird." Kurt reacted right away and reached down under Ken's seat and lifted up the small toy bucket that he put in Ken's lap and asked something I couldn't hear. "No, dad. I'm a big boy now. I can take it, poppy doesn't have to stop." When Kurt tried to rub Ken's back he shook it off. "Stop it dad, I'm a big boy, I don't need y…"

Kendrick didn't get any further when he was cut off and lowered his head down into the bucket he had in his lap while he heaved forward. And this time he didn't protest when Kurt started rubbing his back but still whimpered to me that it was fine for me to keep on driving when I had to ask. Even though I could still see no way for me to stop.

Celia said the same thing when she got sick from the zigzag- movement in the road. But say what they want I wasn't doing this to my grandchildren and when I could see some kind of restaurant and whatever else it was I pulled over. But soon realized both Ken and Celia had fallen asleep and to clean out the buckets and get rid of the smell took quite a bit of lifting.

Although, I knew if there was one thing Faith couldn't stand it was vomit. And it didn't matter if she wasn't the one throwing up, so like any gentle dad would I signed to her- since she had put her headphones into her ears and then she wouldn't hear a thing. That she could just step away from the car and wait for it to be done.

Faith stepped to the side and looked away towards the ocean. She held another one of those chocolate bars in her hand and I signed to her that I had something to say. "Don't eat too many of those. Or we'll end up with you being motion sick." Faith shook her head- she never got motion sick. "Just, don't eat too many okay?"

Just as well could I have been talking to the wind. But I had to turn away when Carole stepped out of the car and in the corner of my eye I could see her confused look when she looked around. "What are we doing here? I… We were outside that souvenir store and Faith went to buy more chocolate and then we were going back to the cabin." Carole looked around and her breaths went shorter and sharper when she understood what was going on. "Oh…" She sat down on a bench and put her head in her hands. "God, I hate this."

Walking towards Carole to try and calm her down and comfort, I had my back turned against Faith. But maybe I should have turned around for a second, just to see her reaction to what her mother was becoming. But I didn't, and I didn't see Faith take several more steps towards the water until she stood right by the edge looking towards the ocean.

And even if I have turned, since she stood with her back against me. I couldn't have seen the tears shining in her eyes, or how she was so desperately trying to fight them away.

A car stopped right by our car and a man, a woman and two children around three or four years old got out. They spoke to each other in Norwegian and the woman took each of the children's hands in hers and walked into the café and store while the man leaned against the front of the car and checked his phone. When I lifted up Kendrick to put him back into his seat he heard and looked up at us, he smiled, looked at me and said something.

"Pardon? I'm sorry sir. I don't speak Norwegian." The man thought quickly seemed to translate what he had just said and scratched the back of his head.

"I said, you look a bit lost." He told me in as good as perfect English. "Is there something I can help you with?" I showed him to wait and lifted in Kendrick into the seat and put the belt around him. Before I walked around the car and greeted the man for real shaking his hand. "Oh, sorry sir, my name is Trond."

"Don't 'sir' me. I'm Burt. And… yep. I'm lost. We drove upon this road to see a bit of the islands that we haven't seen before. And now we have ended up with two kids motion sick and fast asleep. And even though I probably could get back to where we're saying I just want to find out about more of things to do that could be fun for all of us to do without getting lost." I smirked at Trond who laughed slightly. "You are from around here or?" Trond nodded.

"I grew up around here. Then I met…" He looked back where that woman and the two children came back from the store. "My wife Lea and moved to Oslo to be with her. And this is Stian who's four and Sylvi who is three… Ehrm… It will take a bit of driving but around one tonight we are going to see the midnight sun… tell me where are you staying?" I tried to pronounce the name of the block. "Oh yeah, yeah I know where that is. It's only just a little bit from where we live- at my parents' house. Hmm… If you maybe should sleep a bit before that and we'd get there around midnight and then you can just drive after me…" I hesitated. "Oh that was a bit fast forward but I gotta say, you've got to see the midnight sun. It's one of the most beautiful things in the Islands."

"Well." I clapped my hands together and answered at last. "Why not. HEY, can you come here everybody?" Faith and the others came and I laid an arm around Faith's shoulders. "This is my wife Carole…" I pointed to my other side from Faith. "Our daughter Faith… My son Kurt, his fiancé Blaine. And the sleeping children in the car are Celia and Kendrick. Guys this is… I think you'll have to pronounce your names yourself sorry." Trond only smiled and introduced himself and his wife and children. "Oh and…" When the others were going back to the van I walked closer to Trond and spoke quietly to him and his wife-Sylvi and Stian didn't understand English. "…If you want to talk to Carole I'd appreciate if you go to me and I can talk to her. Sorry… it's not because of you but…"

"It's okay. You don't have to explain it. I'll make sure we do that. So… See you tonight I guess." I nodded and agreed with him before turning back towards the car and getting into the driver's seat next to Carole. I turned the key and started the car and then steered out back on the road and therefore I didn't notice the confused look on her face until she spoke and I heard it in her voice.

"Where are we?" In the corner of my eye I could see her turning her head back and forth to look around. "I don't know this place. Where are we? What are we doing here?" Her voice was getting more and more high-pitched and scared- sounding for every word and I didn't quite know what else to do so I took one hand of the steering wheel and took Carole's in it to at least let her feel I was there.

"We're in Lofoten Islands in Norway." I said, and my voice sounded shakier and weaker than what I had planned. "We came here a couple of days ago. Now, earlier today Faith wanted to go into another road that we hadn't seen before and we did. Both Kendrick and Celia were car sick by the road turning so much so they're asleep now but I had to stop in this parking lot to clean out those buckets. I met this guy named Trond and his wife and children. And tonight we will be going along with them to some place that I can't pronounce the name of and see the midnight sun. Does that sound good honey?"

"Midnight sun…" Carole spoke slowly and seemed to hesitate between every tone. "That sounds beautiful. But tonight? Isn't the night made for sleeping?" She yawned and now it was my turn to hesitate- I really wanted to go and see this and I knew the boys and the kids wanted it too. But Carole I wasn't so sure.

"You can sleep a bit now if you're tired." I said at last. "Then you'll be alert around midnight when we will be going. And then we can see the midnight sun at around one A.M." I had to keep my eyes on the road but in the corner of my eye I could see Carole nodding slowly and then leaning her head against the window. "Don't worry about a thing honey. I'll take care of it and if you don't want to go then I won't make you okay?"

Carole seemed calmed by me telling her that and she closed her eyes and didn't wake up again until I pulled over in the parking lot where we would stop to get to our cabin. And realizing she had woken up I said a silent prayer that her memory had gone just a little bit better now- as good as it ever became right now, and not like it was before she fell asleep.

Coming into our cabin I asked the boys- or men like they were now I guess, but still would always be 'the boys' to me. To keep an eye on Carole and the children while I closed the door to the bedroom after me and sunk down on the foot by the bed putting my head into my hands. I knew Carole had said she wouldn't want herself or anyone else to worry about all of this but it was hard not to and seeing the woman I loved so dearly with exactly every little piece of me like this just shattered my heart into tiny pieces.

By midnight we had all gotten a couple of hours of sleep, into new clothes and a couple of meals. We also had a bag with some chocolate and biscuits, a few extra shirts and a blanket in case it got colder. And so we stood by our car and waited for Trond, Lea, Sylvi and Stian to come around. Which we didn't have to wait long for because how could I forget the green car that came down the road and pulled over right in front of us and Trond rolled down his window.

"Hello guys." He raised his hands in a wave. "I guess I'll just wait, you get in your car and then you just drive after me." I nodded and helped two very tired young children into the car with Kurt in between them while Faith and Blaine got into the furthest back. And then I slightly glanced to Carole and prayed to God that after getting a couple of hours of good sleep she'd be clearer than before.

It seemed like she was clearer this time, not that I loved her any less when she wasn't. Or that I in any way was ashamed of what she would become, but I just hoped that Carole could have an as good time as me and the others in all of this. And the moments when the disease took over. But right now she was alertly looking around as if she took in every single impression of the midnight light behind us while Trond led us through another turn after the other, a tunnel and then up on a parking lot where he stopped right by the side of the ocean. And when he got out of the car and started gathering his family so did we.

The clock wasn't quite one yet- not really time for us to see the midnight sun yet. So we just sat down in the grass, Trond and his family near but a bit away and waited and watched the beautiful light of the sun in the- for once- clear sky- creating an almost zigzag- pattern in the water down below. We could see the sun slowly- but relatively fast and never really disappearing at all go closer and closer and then down under the horizon.

"It's beautiful." Carole said after it being so quiet for a long while I could almost hear my heart break when she said the next. "I wish I'll be able to remember this." She pulled the blanket she and I had pulled around us tighter around herself and leaned against me looking towards the horizon, but turned her head when we heard Faith snivel and sob behind us.

"Hey." Carole threw the blanket off her and crawled over to Faith and laid her arm around our daughter's shoulders. "I'm sorry I said that. It was a stupid thing to say." Faith didn't answer but I could see her desperate tries of trying to fight the tears away. "Shush honey." Carole said gently. "You know I don't like you being sad. And that is not going to make it go away. So you might as well be happy for being here and now."

"Faithie don't cry." Celia whimpered. "You're gonna make me cry." Celia didn't get any further and just buried her head in her hands while Kurt rubbed her shoulder and Kendrick was desperately trying not to, but I knew that with his sister and aunt crying it wouldn't take long until he was crying too. Yet he was still mumbling.

"Big boys don't cry." I couldn't help but to take a grip of my phone and shoot a photo of Kendrick where he sat now. With Gee- Gee (I had also found out that the kind of bird that it was about was called 'lundefugl') in his arms and hugging her tightly, tears shining in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks and the light of the midnight sun it was just a simply beautiful picture no matter what it was he was saying to himself over and over again.

"Big boys don't cry. Big boys don' cry." Ken was sobbing and there were tears quicker and quicker rolling down his cheeks. "Big boys don't cry." Blaine crawled forward and hugged Kendrick but he only protested. "Stop it papa. Big boys don't cry." Blaine I could tell suppressed a sigh and then hugged his son again. And this time he chose to listen to what Carole told him instead of protesting.

"Big boys do cry Kenny." Carole told what was our grandson even though he was biologically Blaine's. "Look, even poppy's crying and he's a very big boy." I hadn't even noticed I was crying before but now I had to wipe my own tears with the back of my hand. "And this will be very hard for all of us so you're all allowed to cry. But…" Carole didn't get any further before Faith interrupted.

"I don't want you to forget about me mum. I don't want you to forget about any of us. I don't want this to change." Faith's voice broke and she buried her face in Carole's shirt. Carole herself had to take a couple of deep breaths before she could continue.

"I don't want to forget about this either. And I especially don't want to forget about all of you because I just love all so much more than words could ever tell. I love you all. And even if we'd end up with me forgetting about all of you and all of this. I will always have you with me, deep in here." She laid a hand over her heart. "And you'll all have me with you in here…" She laid her hand over her head. "And in here…" She laid it over her heart again. "And there you will all have me and everyone here today with you. And every step you go I'll be with you. So don't you ever forget about that, okay?" For a moment all we could hear were spread snivels and sobs until Faith spoke with tears in her voice.

"Even when everything's moving in zigzag?" Carole nodded.

"Especially when everything's moving in zigzag."

XxXxXxX

"I can't do this." My nineteen year old daughter was walking back and forth so fast and had already done it so many times it should be that a trail had started to form on the kitchen floor. "I can't do this. How did I ever believe some guy would like me? How did I ever believe Sammy would like me? And he's definitely not going to like me when he comes here and I mean we've got things from my whole life here and it's messed up. Just look at this zigzag picture." Faith pointed to a picture we had shot in the dark and she had moved a stick burning in the end up and down to the side while it shot so the pic had ended up with a zigzag pattern. "Oh my God, here he comes. Dad what am I gonna do?"

There was in fact a small black car driving up on our driveway while Faith seemed so nervous she didn't know where to look or where to turn. I tried to put my arm around her shoulders but she jumped away and started fixing with the magnets and photos hanging on the fridge and looked around the kitchen to check so she hadn't missed to pull off the small paper pieces we had with words of what it was hanging on for Carole. And so I could see a boy, pale and with curly dark brown hair coming up the driveway. From where I stood he disappeared out of my sight just before we could hear a slight knock. Faith went to get it while I slowly walked from the kitchen bench in one end of the room towards the door to give them some privacy at first. And then I could hear them speaking through the open door and my daughter giggling and thanking him for something right before I came through the door.

The guy- Sammy Waismann I had heard from my daughter went to the same college, the one in Toledo. For Faith to be able to study the major she had wanted but she had herself insisted on going to the one in Toledo not to be too far away from me and her mum. But still, even though Faith had been talking about nothing and no one else then Sammy since she started the first semester in college this was the first time I had the chance to meet him.

When I came around the corner from the kitchen I could see the dark- haired guy I had seen coming up the driveway with his arms wrapped around my daughter. He was taller than I'd imagined, around two meters tall. A good bit taller than what Finn had been at least. Faith was only normal length but that didn't keep him from being able to have his chin on top of her head. And even though I knew since before that I'd do nothing and let Faith decide about her boyfriends (As long as he treated her nicely that was. If he put a finger on my daughter I had some very big guns that I wasn't afraid to use) I could feel a squeeze around my dear daddy- heart to see my little girl along with a guy.

And that wasn't made better by the fact that he was three years older than her and a senior at college while Faith was 'only' a freshman. And it felt like a year, and like I wanted to go and just rip the guy away from my little girl before they finally let go of each other. And Faith smelled some roses that she had for sure not had two minutes ago- I must have missed them watching Sammy come up the driveway.

"I'll go put them in the kitchen honey. I guess you two could just greet… or something." She glanced to me and then back to Sammy before she walked into the kitchen and disappeared out of my sight. When she closed the door, I turned to Sammy who stood holding the fingers of one hand wrapped into his dark curls in a kind of nervous move. I cleared my throat and slowly I held out my hand…

"Mr. Waismann?" Sammy nodded and pulled his hand out of his fringe to hold it out and I couldn't help to see a kind of scared sparkle in his eye and he also seemed stiff and tense.

"Mr. Hummel?" He shook my hand.

"Burt."

"Sammy. And no, it's not short for Samuel… and…" He laughed nervously "Things you want to know… hmm… I'm sorry I've got no idea how else to do this. But… I guess you'd want to know that about someone who's dating your daughter. I have one piercing," He pointed to his ear. "Not getting anymore. I've got three tattoos, one with my brother's name, one with my sister's name and then one with the crosses that my mum usually wears by the David's star that my dad usually wears. Myself, I'm Christian. Protestant." Sammy showed me a cross he was wearing and then put his back inside his shirt and then pulling the collar down to show me the names 'Miah' and 'Milo' written in childlike handwritings. "I let my younger twins, who are both seven write their names on each paper and used them for the tattoo. And I will get another tattoo when and if I ever have a child. Right here." He stroke his shirt right over his heart. "So I guess that you don't want your little girl with someone that's got piercing and tattoos but I can tell I at least got the tattoos for a reason. And I met Faith in the school cafeteria…. And I didn't hear my name being called because I couldn't take my eyes off her. And I promise you, that if you will look past piercing and tattoos. I will do my very best to be the best that she could ever have. Because I know that she's the best that I would ever have… No I don't mean that I have her, she's her own and I'd never force her…. Yes?" I held up a hand to keep him from babbling.

"Look, son! You are very right, I don't want my little girl with a guy that's got tattoos or piercings as I'm an old man who still believe that everyone that's got them are bad guys. Or motorcyclists and I do not want my little girl on a motorcycle either. But… My little girl has grown up, she's an adult and she's capable of making her own decisions including deciding who she'd want to be in a relationship with. So I will leave how your relationship goes up to her, and up to you. However, that's as long as I can see you're treating her right. Because if you hurt her, I've got some very big guns that I'm not afraid to use and she's got two big brothers where one will become a ghost and haunt you for life if you hurt his sister. Understand?"

Sammy nodded with a very serious sigh in his eyes, even though he didn't seem as afraid. And when Faith came back from the kitchen and tried to pull him with her to show him upstairs he didn't move. "I won't hurt her." Sammy looked at Faith with so much loving in his eyes I was for sure my heart would break just knowing that someone else would love her. "And… There's this thing I wanted to ask when you're both here." I felt my eyes grow bigger and looked at Faith, she obviously had an idea what it might be, and she was scared to death. And I was on my way to grab Faith and rip her away from this man and get him out of my house.

"There's no need to be afraid F." Sammy told her and lowered his hand from her shoulder to hold her hand. "I've barely known you for six months, I'm not going to ask you to marry me just yet." Faith blushed, but Sammy just smiled. "What I'd like to ask is that… well… I know it's quite a way from the school in Toledo to here in Lima. I live in Toledo at the country side only twenty minutes from the school so… I wanted if you'd like to… have a drawer and maybe, some weekends instead of coming the whole long way here maybe you'd like to join me." Sammy looked questioning to Faith, and Faith on the other hand looked questioning to me.

"Faithie." I started, and she moaned at the nickname we had used since she was a baby. "You're an adult, I can say whatever I want about this but it will still be up to you what you want to do. And of course. I don't want you to have a boyfriend. I wouldn't want you to go to college, or to move in with some guy even though it's only for a weekend. But that's because I'm a dad and you're my little girl. And whatever you choose I'll be right behind you and no matter if you choose to live at Sammy's parts of the time or all the time, you can always come back home."

Faith turned to Sammy and he looked at her back with so much love in her eyes I felt my daddy heart falling into pieces. But I knew that Faith and Sammy would need this moment on their own so I finally moved but first stepped forward and pointed seriously to Sammy.

"I loved her first." I said, if he got it he'd know that it was from a song, and not just childish manners from me, and if he didn't then Faith would explain it to him later. So with that I backed out of the hallway and into the kitchen without taking my eyes from the young man before I had closed the door in between us. "And use protection! I am not ready to be a… grandfather again… just yet."

"DAD!" Faith shouted and both she and Sammy went bright red. "I told you, we haven't even kissed yet." I pushed my fingers into my ears, sang out loud and walked into the kitchen, kind of regretting I had said that last part. But what not to do, for what was still little in her to stay little. And even with the book I couldn't concentrate on anything else than the voices I heard muffled from upstairs.

I went upstairs to go to my and Carole's bedroom to get something, by the time I was upstairs I had forgotten what. And I even forgot that I was going into my bedroom at the moment I heard Faith shouting with tears in her voice on the other side of her bedroom door.

"STOP SHOUTING!"

"I'm not shouting" I heard Sammy's voice next. "And I haven't been shouting either. You're the one who's shouting!" I rolled my eyes- I'd have to learn this guy one and another thing about girls and arguments. "Look, I asked you why it is that you talk so much about your dad and brothers when I don't know anything about your mum." My heart sunk, and I swore I could hear it breaking over the sound the door made when I opened it and I walked in to lie an arm around Faith's shoulder to support her.

Faith was crying, there were silent, salt tears rolling down her cheeks and I tenderly tried to wipe them away with my hand but she pushed me away. "Look, Hon. If you tell him and he acts weird or leave you because of this, then he's not worth you. So… I think that telling him might be the best option." Faith nodded and didn't pull away when I once again lifted my hand to wipe the tears.

"Tell me what?"

"My mum." Faith's voice sounded hoarse and troubled and that once again just broke my heart. "…Doesn't remember me." Faith bit her lip, while Sammy's chin had dropped and he went pale as a sheet. "And she won't remember you. If she'd be here she'd ask you around every second what your name is… She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's four and a half years ago and since then. It just went so fast." Faith buried her face in her hands. "She's with Kurt now." I tried to embrace her but Sammy caught my attention and gestured so I stepped away while he tenderly put his arms around my little girl and pulled her close.

"Oh honey." He seemed not so sure what to say bit still spoke. "What part of 'I won't leave you' is it that you don't get?" Faith buried her face in Sammy's shirt and I backed away from them. My heart telling me to end this moment in between then and throw the boy out of my house. But my head telling me that I'd leave them alone. So I did some in between and stepped out from the room but left the door open and listened to them. Not that it was much said for the next few minutes.

"You know…" Faith spoke at last and her voice sounded quieter and less troubled than the last time she did. "…How I told you that I wanted to wait with my first kiss, and our first kiss until I'd know the guy I would be kissing was someone that would be still there when everything was moving in zigzag?" I could almost hear Sammy's questioning look. "Just something mum and dad and Kurt used to tell me since I was little. And do you know something?"

"No"

"When I was little I always used to try and make zigzag patterns with something when they told me. Like with lying knife and fork in a zigzag pattern on the table or something. So how about doing it now? Like more than breaking my dad's heart into pieces so many times it's just a long zigzag pattern left of it." I had to listen closely to hear what they were saying at this point.

"Oh, what would we make that zigzag pattern with?"

"How about our lips?"

"Uh- huh. I like the way your crazy zigzag- way of thinking goes." Knowing that I should, even though everything in me screamed 'no' I backed away from the door and down the hallway and then the stairs. I could feel my heart breaking again but knowing what my daughter was doing when it went all silent again, and being reminded of that my wife and loved one didn't even remember our daughter. And barely remembered me no matter how much I had loved her through all of this time.

There was just nothing in my heart that was zigzag big enough for it to break anymore.

XxXxXxX

"Hey dad." Sammy had barely stopped his car and I opened the door when my dad Burt Hummel stood outside. "Dad. You don't need to." Dad supported my arm while I stood up on the sidewalk and leaned into the back seat to get my backpack. "Dad, I'm pregnant. It doesn't mean that I can't take a step on my own. Or carry my own backpack. And I'm twenty two, not seventy two so I've still got that movement in my body you know." I smirked.

"I know Faithie." I jokily glared at him when he took my backpack and threw it- well, as good as a guy over seventy could throw a backpack over one shoulder and we walked together up the driveway to the hospital and took the elevator to get to the right apartment. It would be just below the highest floor and the whole way up in the elevator dad stood leaning against the wall and stared down into the floor, he didn't say anything but getting out of the elevator I more or less pulled him into an empty corner of the hallway to ask him what happened.

Since a couple of years ago my mum lived in a home for people with severe dementia. It wasn't that none of us would care enough for her to take care of her anymore, or that none of us could take us the time or whatever. It was more about that that none of us could do it. And people around could impossibly understand what it was like caring for a person that you loved so dearly, but that had forgotten all about you. And exactly how exhausting- mentally and physically it would be, twenty four- seven.

I always had my phone turned off at night. Going to college it was something I had had to do or every night or I would wake up every time someone sent me a new message or wrote on my Facebook. And even though it was two months ago since I'd graduated the habit had stuck to me. And therefore I hadn't woken up when dad had called and sent one text after the other about where he and mum was and how mum was doing and questioning where on earth I was. The fact that with being pregnant, tired already and having spent half the night with Sammy trying to put a crib together hadn't exactly made me understand anything when I finally woke up faster. Then at last everything clicked and I mostly threw myself out of bed (As good as someone at nine months pregnant could throw herself) and threw a bucket of water on my cohabitee to wake him up at the same time as I tried to dress and find my backpack.

And now at last I was here and at last heard my dad tell what had happened tonight. Mum hadn't been feeling well during the day so dad had come there even though she couldn't remember him either at this point. They had been thinking it was just some bug so they hadn't been telling me because they didn't want me to come over so I would catch it and it might harm the baby. But so during the night it had gotten worse, the staff had recognized it as a heart attack and mum had been rushed to the hospital some time by midnight. She was better now, awake and stable. And at last dad told me that he had tried to call and text so many times because that I didn't wake up and answered him had gotten him worried.

"You worry too much dad. Whoa." I was suddenly hit by a dizziness spell and quickly grabbed onto dad who just as quickly grabbed onto my arm and laid the other hand on my back. "It's alright. It's alright. I just got a bit dizzy. Come on." I carefully took a few steps. "It's okay. Come on, can you show me where mum is?" Dad frowned, but nodded and slowly pulled away with me through the hallway while I tried not to show how dizzy I was. I did not need a bunch of staff come running to check blood pressure and pulse and God knows whatever else until I would be stuck here without even meeting mum until the baby was born- whenever that was happening. She or he had been due to arrive yesterday.

"In here she is."

"Dad." It was starting to blacken before my eyes. "Dad, I really need to sit down." I could barely see Dad looking worriedly at me and then supported me while walking through the room before Kurt jumped onto his feet and they both helped me to get down on the chair that Kurt had just stood up from. Dad sat down next to me and then let me lean against him. I closed my eyes as the spinning was making me nauseas and then just concentrated on taking deep breaths. Barely even noticing that Kurt ran to get a doctor while mum mostly seemed confused.

"What's going on here?" I moaned when I heard a doctor come into the room. "Have we got another patient?" I sighed and tried to reassure him that I was fine. But it didn't really help much and he left the room for a minute and then came back with his equipment. Then first started feeling for my pulse while I glared at Kurt for getting the doctor in the first place.

"Okay, I will put this around your arm okay?" The doctor held up one of them items you check blood pressure with and I sighed. I could deal with needles and cold stethoscopes. But I hated checking blood pressure and while it tightened around my arm so did my grip around dad's hand. "It's a bit low… I would like to hook you up on a monitor just to be able to keep an eye on everything."

"I'm fine. I had low blood pressure when I wasn't pregnant so you can imagine. I'm fine. It will be over in just a minute. I just stood up for too long." The doctor seemed to hesitate. "If I call for you the first thing I do if I get dizzy or anything again?" The doctor hesitated. "Please I just… I just need to talk to everybody here okay?" At last he agreed and so gathered his things.

"Are you alright dear?" Mum asked when the doctor had finally left and I sat up straight and nodded. "I can see you're pregnant." I nodded again. "Are you very worn- out?" I nodded once again. "I know what that is like. My Finn is seven years old now." I closed my eyes. There were so many things in all of this that hurt all of us so badly. But hearing mum talking about Finn was the worse- Finn had died before I was born, but when mum didn't remember that he had and when one of us once again had to tell her… It was something no one that hadn't gone through it could imagine.

I looked up at dad and he gestured to me to just leave it be this time. That was relieving and so I sunk back against the chair I was sitting in and got a bit lost in my own thoughts and dreams.

"Oh." When I felt the baby move I put my palm back on my belly and flinched a bit while I returned to reality. "Oh, now she or he is kicking. Do you want to feel it?" Mum hesitated, but I really wanted her to feel her grandchild even though she didn't remember. "Come here." I carefully grabbed onto her hand and put her palm against my belly where the baby was kicking. "Can you feel it?"

It seemed all silent in the room and mum slowly moved her hand away from me after nodding slightly and then got a weird expression on her face. "Carole, Carole are you alright?" I tried. And felt the usual stab in my heart when I had to call her by name instead of mum. "Can you hear me? Should I get a doctor? Carole?"

"Why…" At last she spoke, but what she spoke wasn't an answer to my question. "Why are you calling me by name Faith?" My stomach clenched when I for the first time in so long heard mum call me by name and she sunk back against the bunk and before anyone had dared to say or do anything she had looked from me to dad, to Kurt, to dad and back to me.

"Burt, honey." Mum stroke dad's cheek. "How are you doing? How's your heart?" Dad had tears in his eyes and nodded slightly.

"Better than yours right now my love." He said with a hoarse, weak tone in his voice. "But it's still beating." Mum smiled and then looked to Kurt again, he hadn't been able to keep the tears away him neither.

"And Kurt? How are you? How's Blaine? How are the kids?"

"I'm just great thank you." Kurt said, also his voice had a kind of weak tone in it. "Blaine's too. Kendrick's sixteen years old and in high school. He's a very talented dancer and very creative. Celia is twenty years old, in college with straight A's. We are very proud of them both." Mum smiled at Kurt and then slowly turned her head to look at me.

"Faith." She said, and just hearing her say my name squeezed my heart so bad I could have broken down sobbing right there and then. "You've gotten so big. How are you doing?" I nodded and smiled to show her I was doing well. I wasn't so sure I could speak without my voice breaking. "Are you and that… Sammy still together?" I nodded again.

"Yes mum, we live together… and." I looked down on my hand that I still had lying on my belly. "We are waiting for this little one to arrive. You know… if it's a girl we're naming her Martha… Martha Carole after you." Mum smiled, and she too had tears in her eyes and asked what the name would be if it was a boy. "Walter Samuel. But mostly we are hoping it's a dinosaur. Or a ninja, that would be pretty cool" Mum nodded and let hear a short laugh.

"Those are beautiful names." I nodded and couldn't keep the tears away any longer. I was holding mum's hand and it just hurt me so much how my baby would never know her or his grandmother as soon as mum had forgotten all about us again. "Don't cry Faithie. Now, concentrate about now… and right now. I'm thinking get up here." She patted next to her on the bed and I hesitated only slightly before I stood up and then crawled up on the bed next to her. "And Burt, Kurt." She patted on her other side and dad laid down on her other side. "Kurt you too. I mean it. Get up."

Lying four- well actually five people on one hospital bunk like that wasn't something I would recommend for anyone actually. I laid on one end, mum right by me, dad right by her and then Kurt in the other end. While we were all trying to squeeze enough for no one to fall out of the bed I was always making sure I wasn't lying in some way that would end up with anything that felt like it could harm my baby. The closest thing to describe how our legs and arms and bodies went would be there was a zigzag pattern with one leg here, one arm there and then my huge belly somewhere on the side of it all.

"I don't know how long I get to keep my memory this time." Mum said with a weak tone in her voice. "So before they're all gone… I just want you to know that I love you all very much." Mum was getting tired I could tell. "I don't want to fall asl… eep. I love you… all. And I will… keep on doing it… in the worst of zigzag." Mum couldn't keep her eyes open anymore and her breaths went slow and deep as she fell asleep.

I didn't want to fall asleep either, but truth be told I hadn't gotten much sleep lately, and at last when both Burt and Kurt had started snoring as well. I quickly drifted off to the world of dreams about what my baby would become and what would happen when it was. But maybe if I had known what would happen in the morning I would have made sure to keep awake a little longer.

Sometime in the middle of everything mum had wanted to get all the machines off her, and also signed some papers that meant that if her heart stopped she didn't want the doctors to try and make it start beating again. But if she had been hooked up on a machine, then we would have since the line that went zigzag with every heartbeat go all flat. And the same would go with dad's.

"NO." I woke up to the sound of Kurt's high pitched voice screaming for something. "NO, NO DAD NO." I slowly started waking up, and then remembered where I was and sat up as quickly as I could with my big, pregnant body and looked towards mum, dad and Kurt and the doctors that were just checking mum's heartbeats.

"I'm sorry son and you too honey." The doctor hung the stethoscope around his neck. "They probably died a couple of hours ago. We couldn't bring them back if we tried. I'll give you a moment." Kurt broke down hysterically and kneeled by the bed still holding dad's hand in his. While I had a weird feeling that even if it felt exactly like it I had not just wet myself. And I looked down and the big, dark spot on the front of my jeans confirmed it.

"Kurt." My older brother just continued crying hysterically but I was starting to panic. "Kurt." I was panicking quite badly at this moment. "Kurt." He still didn't react. "Kurt." I couldn't do this, not here, not now. "Kurt" Not without mum, not without dad. But feeling the contractions start too I knew there was no turning back. "KURT." At last Kurt reacted to my panicked shout and looked up with a tear- stained face. "My water just broke."

XxXxXxX

"I'm… I'm so tired." Forty eight hours later I was still in the maternity ward. My legs in the air held up by whatever equipment and Sammy standing next to me with his arm supporting my back. In his other hand he held a soft, wet cloth that he was dabbing my clammy forehead with and I leaned as good as I could in my position towards his chest.

"I don't know if I can keep on doing this." I whimpered and tried not to completely break down. But my voice was shaking along with my whole body no matter how much I tried to relax and calm down. "I'm so tired." Might have had something to do with I had been trying to push a baby's head through a hole in my body the last two days and absolutely everything seemed to have gone wrong without it actually going dangerously wrong. "And I… Oh… Sammy…" When another wave of nausea hit me I quickly raised a bit and Sammy reached for another basin and held it under my chin just as I started heaving and Sammy pushed away my brown tresses from my clammy forehead not to get it in the way while supporting me with his arm.

I must have been getting sick a thousand times ever since the very first contraction. There wasn't anything left to throw up and first on the last few heaves I brought up nothing else but bile. It left a terrible, sour taste in my mouth and at last Sammy could move away the basin, hand it to a nurse and I leaned backwards towards the bunk again. Sammy softly stroke my forehead and handed the cloth to Kurt who stood on my other side.

"I can't do this."

"Honey." A doctor looked up and down at me from behind whatever blanket- thingy over my stomach and thighs. "You are doing so very well. The baby is almost out. Only one or two pushes more and…" I felt another contraction coming on and grimaced. "Okay, you're okay honey, I count to ten and you push all the while I'm counting. Okay?"

I was too tired, I was way too tired to do anything about it but there wasn't anything else for me to do than to push as hard as I freaking could. Sammy was supporting me behind and shouting, Kurt was shouting. The doctor was shouting and I was just screaming at the top of my lungs at last and then he finally reached ten I could finally stop pushing.

"I HATE YOU." I shouted in Sammy's face. "I HATE YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS TO ME. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU SAMMY WAISMANN. I HATE YOU. I AAAAAH!" I stopped shouting the words. I was so moving away from Sammy as soon as this was over and I could move again. "I hate you so much Sammy. I hate you."

"Okay, okay. Faith. Push one more time and your baby will be out. One, two, three, PUSH." And I pushed, damn it I pushed as if my life had been depending on it. And god it hurt so much. It felt as freaking being ripped into two pieces. I screamed, wordlessly but I screamed. At the top of my lungs as if there was no tomorrow. And so the pain stopped and I slumped backwards against the bunk at the same moment as my baby's first cries echoed through the room as the most beautiful voice I'd ever heard.

"Say hello to your baby girl." The doctor lifted our baby up. "Hey daddy, come here and cut the cord." Sammy let go of me and Kurt came over right away, stroke my hair with one hand while wiping tears of joy with his other. "Yeah, just there. Just like that, but you're shaking so much this cut might end up in zigzag. That's great, okay come here. Congratulations mum." The doctor put our daughter on my chest. "And she's beautiful, and as far as I can see healthy. She's got a pair of strong lungs." The baby kept on screaming and I was so, so tired but I barely felt it because I was happier than I had ever been before. "Do you have a name for her?"

I had to think a moment, I knew we had a name but it still took a moment in everything to think about what we had. "Martha." I remembered at last. "Martha and then Carole after my mum. Martha Carole Waismann-Hummel." The doctor nodded and then he backed and went out the door to give me and my brother, my boyfriend and our daughter a time to our own.

My whole body was shaking, of exhaustion and God knows what else. Sammy was kneeled by the bed and didn't seem to know what to say or what to do and after a while he gently helped me to sit up while he crawled up behind me and let me lean against him. Martha still laid on my chest now eating for the first time in her life while I couldn't bear the feelings that hit me and just started crying all over again and couldn't help to let the tears silently drip from my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

Kurt left the room, and came back with a weird look on his face. "Faith." He said with a weird tone in his voice. "I think… No, I have checked and… this room that Martha was born in… It's the same room that dad and Carole and you were moved to just after you were born…. God could you imagine like… after all of these years and… they were so close to see their grandchild. Sorry I'm saying this but it's almost like…"

"I know you don't believe in God Kurt. But it's almost like what they say that when God closes one window…" I looked up at him and saw Kurt wipe his own tears before he nodded. "And I know you don't believe in a life after this but I think they're here. And even though now when Martha's born and everything it will be very hard to think about that mum and dad won't be here but… I think they are. And I think I'm happy that they got to die together. So none of them had to go through losing someone close all over again." I looked down at Martha.

"And I do know that they had wanted us to be happy and… it is all why this is the happiest moment of my life. And I know you don't believe in anything after death Kurt but I believe that there is something… and wherever they are they still love you and me and… And Kendrick and Celia…" I had to take a breath when my voice broke. "And… And Martha even though they never got the chance to meet her even though I think they will because I think they are somewhere even though I don't know where and wherever they are they still…" My voice broke again and I had to take a break.

"It's alright honey." Sammy said tiredly behind me. "Take all the time you need."

"They still love us… and each other. Just as much as they ever did. Because if there's something I do know about my parents is that no matter how old they got. And no matter how much they both forgot even though they forgot kind of in different ways. And no matter how fate or whatever kept on having something against them and their happiness and love they would never, ever stop loving everything they freaking wanted to love. Not us, not each other. Not never- ever. Even though it will be like they always told me that the roads will be moving in zigzag and will be hard to walk but… You'll just have to keep on walking so… Forever and for always?" Kurt nodded when I took Martha's hand in mine and Sammy laid his on top of that and then I reached out my hand for Kurt to take it, which he did before he answered me.

"Forever and for always."

XxXxXxX

Well hello Faith.

Well, I don't think that you think that you know me. But I do. I do because our mum promised that she'd make sure that I knew you, and you know me. But even if you have never seen me, I just wanted to tell you that I've always been around. Even if- like you've been saying it, everything had been moving in zigzag I have never ever left.

I was there the day that you were born and the day that you went home for the first time, supporting my mum so she wouldn't be all too scared. I was there the day that was your first day in school and you said I was an angel in heaven- even though I was an invisible angel standing right next to you. I was there the day you fell with your bike, and helped the car stop so it wouldn't hit you just as hard. I was there the day you the day you and Kurt went shopping for a dress and you were the prettiest girl I had ever seen.

I was there when you found out about mum's disease, and there when you all cried about it. I made sure to keep you safe on those zigzag- roads. I was there when Sammy met our dad and every single date you had and if he did or would ever hurt you. I swear I will throw him out a window if you're inside and in front of a car if outside. Since Burt is so stupid he wants you to make all decisions yourself.

I was there when you found out you were pregnant and was scared out of your mind. I was there every time you were so dizzy you thought you would faint and held you steady onto your feet. I was there when mum and Burt died and when you found out. And I was there during those painful hours it took for Martha to be born.

With that said I'd also like to tell you is that mum and Burt are here with me now along with dad and Elizabeth and grandma and grandpa and everybody else I knew who died. And we're all with you every step of the way. Mum and Burt are slightly happy they got to live and die together, but they never wanted to leave you and especially not in where you were.

I guess… what I wanted to really say is that I love you very much. And I and everybody else will continue helping you, even at the hardest of times. So there is no way you can or will give up with all of us here fighting for you. And that's kind of everything I wanted you to know and I have to end it right here since I'm running out of time.

Sincerely, your brother who loves you very much.

Even in the worst of zigzag.

Oh and before I forget it again. Burt was right, if that Sammy- guy would ever have or ever will hurt you, I will become a ghost and haunt him for life. Us angel- or ghosts or whatever you'd like to call it have got some very big guns, much bigger than the ones in Burt's boxes in the basement.

Especially in the worst of zigzag actually.

-Finn Christopher Hudson

This is actually my longest chapter ever. And one of my favorite chapters ever, I hope you liked it- and this whole story as much as I do. So… I guess that's it then. I just want to thank you so, so much for sticking with me and with this story because like my idol once said 'No story lives unless someone wants to listen'

So, that's it. And as a reward for anyone who has stuck with this story all the way until this very end, I will now not only mention only one random fact. But eight. One for each scenario in this chapter.

Going home with Faith- I never planned before that Jane was Alexey's mum. And that's even though they have been in this and other stories both of them several times. But during planning for that part of the chapter I had the idea and it was just simply one of those things that wrote themselves.

Faith's first day of school- Ages ago, sometime in the beginning of the story Precious- passenger requested that I'd write a part with Burt and Carole having a fight (this is first mentioned in the A/N for chapter 'Ice' when I didn't fully succeed. I didn't fully succeed this time either I get but, I did better than last time.

The biking accident- I have to admit I loved the last scenes with Kurt and Carole, their relationship is just too sweet and one of my favorites to write.

The looking for a dress for Faith to know she's beautiful- Already before writing this scene the plans kind of reminded me of a part in one of the- saddle-club- books where Carole goes shopping for a dress with her dad's friend and she just hates it, but at last finds one she likes. Although after writing it, it didn't turn out very much like it at all.

The part in Norway- Actually several parts of this chapter is real- like Lofoten islands and the beauty of it, that graveyard, that red and white house, the midnight sun, that road, and yes that road does twist and turn- a lot!

Burt and Sammy's first meeting- To write this part I actually did ask my dad what he would say and do if I brought a guy home like Faith is bringing Sammy home with her. And from the answer I got from him I based Burt's reactions on Sammy.

Faith comes to the hospital and Carole remembers- I've had the idea for a while to put in the end of this story that both Burt and Carole dies is as you might already know slightly based on the last scene of a movie I saw. You who have seen it I think know what movie I'm talking about.

The birth- Despite it being one of the last pars in the finished chapter. It was actually first one of the chapter that I actually wrote (Except a sketch of when Burt and Carole dies that isn't the part of the final chapter) and it kind of wrote itself since I had so much inspiration. And I actually really enjoyed writing that part. It was the part where Sammy was first created, it was sad, and happy, and emotional. It had humor, and it was sweet. It had love and hate. It had drama, and parts with not- so- much- drama. I think I've got to say it's one of my favorite parts of the finished story… Actually I think it's my very favorite.

Finn's letter- This part actually wasn't planned until the last few days I was working on the rest of the chapter. And I kept on going back and forth about however I wanted to have it in the chapter or not. But I guess it turned out alright.

So, sincerely, me who loves all my readers very much, and everyone who sticks with my stories even when my road is going in zigzag.

-Linnéa